January 4th, 2010: My pal Ben Tippett (who you remember from his scientific inquiry into the source of Superman's powers) and I were talking about the simulated universe idea the other day, and he was arguing that a 1:1 simulation of a universe wouldn't work. But then I said it doesn't have to be 1:1, you can only simulate the important parts, or you could reduce the resolution of the simulation - Duke Nukem can't leave the rooms that have been built for him, also Duke Nukem doesn't have agency or a human soul, that sort of thing. Then he was the one who proposed that future generations are trying to figure out where I, Ryan North, history's greatest villain, buried the bodies!
So this is me giving credit to Ben and telling everyone that I'LL NEVER TELL WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED, ONCE I BURY THEM, WHICH HASN'T HAPPENED YET IN THIS SIMULATION, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, ANYWAY, THEY'RE MINE – Ryan
December 1st-4th: All shipping methods except U.S.P.S. First-Class Package International Service™ are safe. December 5th: International orders made not selecting U.S.P.S. Priority Mail Express International™ shipping will likely arrive in January. December 10th: USPS FIRST CLASS and STANDARD may not make it in time and neither will USPS EXPRESS MAIL INTERNATIONAL. December 14th: ALMOST NOTHING IS SAFE. USPS EXPRESS is the only safe USPS option. For FEDEX HOME/GROUND shipping it depends on where you are: refer to this map!
December 17th: A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE (IF THINGS PLACED ON OR AFTER THIS DATE ARRIVE BY THE 24TH, THAT IS)
So this is me giving credit to Ben and telling everyone that I'LL NEVER TELL WHERE THE BODIES ARE BURIED, ONCE I BURY THEM, WHICH HASN'T HAPPENED YET IN THIS SIMULATION, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, ANYWAY, THEY'RE MINE