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using flesh for digestive energy?
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well someone came and took the lamp away
Whenever Orcish Squatters is not in play, all the other cards should be asking "Where's Orcish Squatters"
Whenever Orcish Squatters attacks and isn't blocked, you may gain control of target land defending player controls for as long as you control Orcish Squatters
the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon, when you comin' home son I don't know when, but we'll Eiffel Tower then, I'll meet you in the walrus pen
peer gynt is farting
being kind of sad that your phone knows Katy Perry but not Peer Gynt
peer gynt pressure
smoking is farting
bottoming for Ted Cruz in Colossal Prick College VII
I used to shave my furry ankles to win games
reading an article about the colossal prick Ted Cruz was considered to be by his college contemporaries and recoiling in horror as you start to think that you were a total Cruz in college yourself
dialin' Bob Dylan, bub
wondering if using pinto or escort beans in chili will make it taste any different than chili with cortina beans
creating a hideous chimera of Steve Harwell and Guy Fieri, and another hideous chimera of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson, and using them for experiments
I Made the Eat Egg Guy Smash a Shit Ton of Mouths
Guy and Steve were supposedly old friends and not actually the same man, despite the exact same fashion sense and divorced dad aura
brief picnic attacks
already framing a millipede joke reading that headline before you realized who it was about
there are broader questions to be asked about the efficacy of capitalism
Pokemon Sheep Go To Heaven and Goats Go To Hell
that sheep go to heaven and goats go to hell
I Made the Smash Mouth Guy Eat a Shit
I Made the Smash Mouth Guy Eat a Shit Ton of Eggs
horse to meet you
finding it amusing that Steve Harwell's wikipedia page requires three separate references to the fact that he is a musician
Toronto, Kansas
Deformed Wang Virus
getting paid in arse, arr
Deformed Wing Virus
getting paid in ears, arr
the reboot of Tanks For Nothing starring Cuban Dugong jr
getting paid in arrears
ripping his scrotum and leaving one testicle hanging free
Long haired man on unicycle comes forward after commuters ask 'who are you'
Jaden Smith Adventures
young testicles hang free, never be sewn up, sewn up like my man and me
Jackie Chan Adventures
he was caught at the bottom of a rather aggressive ruck, and an errant French boot found its way into Shelford's groin, somehow ripping his scrotum and leaving one testicle hanging free
IT'S PURGIN' TIME!
watching Perfect Body and feeling like it would have been improved by a scene in which Andie attacks a mirror, believing she is a bag of Doritos, mortally wounding herself just prior to winning Olympic gold
that only one in eight squirters is female
Eddie Sex
that only one in eight Squirtles is female
drawing a picture of Ash Ketchum accidentally walking in on Mr Mime milking Blastoise
Pokemon Milk Marketing Board and Egg Marketing Board
they were both convinced that the innocuous looking, state run Milk Marketing Board and Egg Marketing Board were actually the enemies of freedom
a visibly agitated swamp rabbit approached his boat and tried to board
Si li crachait en mi le vis et escopi par grant vertu
Too crazy for Boys Town, too much of a boy for Crazy Town
insulting Turkanishness
wondering whether Leonardo DiCaprio and Daniel Day Lewis would star in your upcoming period drama, Rape Gangs of Turkana IV
fruit flies, like a banana
shaking your body like a horny pony would, then running and telling your momma about that
frinkiac dot com
try me
I'll bet you would
I would actually eat more sausage if there were a vegan hot dog place around here
if you know what I mean
stop eating so much sausage
I was going to say it couldn't but I have been eating a lot of extra protein recently
it could be gout
feeling really arthritic and hoping it's just dehydration
thtat's true, but it was nice that they got Hilary Swank as the voice of the swan
the ending of Dog Hard is unrealistic because firstly there is no way that Daniel LaRuffo could have evacuated the buildings before they came down secondly Mr Miyagi's Little Plaza wasn't even hit and it collapsed thirdly car wax cannot burn bonsai trees
Mr Miyagi's Little Plaza
wondering if Thomas Ian Griffith is available to reprise his role in Karate Hard With a Vengeance
I would probably watch that
starring Jon Voight
thinking that the inevitable Die Hard reboot with it's theme of the reluctant hero could cross over with the Karate Kid movies, perhaps with Daniel san having constructed Miyagi Plaza, but then thinking ahead to Dog Hard
Which Leonardo DiCaprio Character Is Your Soulmate
If your restaurant serves Mexican food in a pseudo Victorian setting it's good to play Icelandic house music
F#R#I#E#N#D#S# actor Matt LeBlanc to be one of the new presenters of Top Gear, BBC announces
it probably had mouse droppings on it
pizza called me stupid
XXIV Things You'll Find In Every Hipster Restaurant
NBC station sued for airing image of teen's erect penis, identifying him by name
burning a brassiere in a brazier in a brasserie
stealing that girl's salad onions from the communal hipster brasserie
When told by police he had sex with a child, Doug Richard, who has rubbed shoulders with the PM and the Queen, said 'Under sixteen, wow'
Convicted terrorist who claimed he met with Jeremy Corbyn 'many times' cleared of possessing 'horse porn' videos
A hipster brasserie in London's West End was shut down after health inspectors found the salad onions were garnished with mouse droppings
Redtube You
wondering which came first, YouTube Red or Redtube
PewDiePie's Coding Hour, available now on YouTube Red
a reality adventure series that will see the Swedish gamer combat horrors in real life games
Ruud Lubbers
Jaden Smith challenges masculinity norms with shirtless skirt photo bottoming for William Hung in Hung People VII
Jaden Smith challenges masculinity norms with shirtless skirt photo
bottoming for William Hung in Hung People VII
Crowds applaud, poll numbers rise
Trump fires back, vows to definitely nuke Denmark if elected
Kim Wok
Wim Kok
We're liable to wake up one morning and Donald, if he were president, would have nuked Denmark
Beezow Doo doo Zopittybop bop bop accused of assaulting officer
President Trump, speaking from a secret underground bunker, called the undead perpetrators of the zombie apocalypse which has so far exterminated ninety eight percent of the human race "losers" who "have way fewer organs" than him
this milk is bad
paying for it is what good aliens do
he will make the aliens pay for it, naturally
President Trump, furious at the destruction of New York by alien invaders, took to Twitter Friday to vent his frustrations, calling the aliens "weak" and insisting that "they will rebuild New York and it will be called Trump Town"
Donald Trump, despite conceding defeat to Ted Cruz Monday night in Iowa, is now accusing the Texas Republican senator of stealing the race and calling for either a new election to be held or the results to be nullified
the Polanski store recommending you download the Pedometer app
the Play store recommending you download the Pedometer app
architects who've given up their will
A Californian venture capitalist had his Tesla Motors Model X brakes cut after he wrote about a badly run launch event
drawing a picture of Kento being relentlessly pandered by homosexuals
relentless pandering to homosexuals
the Oregon Institute of Science and Medicine, which is stockpiling huge amounts of human urine to "revolutionize the evaluation of personal chemistry"
I want to take this opportunity to apologise for not doing the decent thing and going back in time and having a chat with himabout his appalling behaviour
Henry Lee Lucas
imaginable wealth
A Californian venture capitalist had his Tesla Motors Model X order cancelled after he wrote about a badly run launch event
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went pooping through men's digs in search of bears
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went digging through men's poop in search of bears
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went digging through men's poop in search of beards
Microbiologist Adam Roberts went digging through men's beards in search of poop
okay, have fun watching Superbabies Colon Baby Geniuses II
having seen National Lampoon's European Vacation too many times already
suggesting the National Lampoon's Vacation series if you are looking for something to watch
the death of Lord Lucan
well maybe later
yeah, I'm not watching this
Crystal Sky Worldwide Sales Presents
possession of a rooster with intent
feeling like a lot of pain for someone is pretty much inevitable when male rape mesh enters the picture
electroplating your delegates
Male Rape Mesh, Don't Hurt 'Em Colon The Movie
Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em Colon The Movie
As I understand it, there were some precincts where actually delegates were won with a flip of a coin actually
eating two huge vegan slices of vegan beef vegan pizza
eating two huge slices of vegan beef pizza
Doctor 'killed husband with hammer after they had threesome sex with teenager'
"I think that we did real well, I didn't expect to do so well," Trump declared, despite predicting a "tremendous victory" on Monday hours before Iowans headed to the caucuses that would ultimately crown Cruz the winner
Two dogs were causing some sort of dog related problem on Foothill Glenn
A Suffolk resident wanted to know if it is legal to fuck a tractor, because the neighbors have one and it's arousing
A Kalispell resident wanted to know if it is legal to own a rooster, because the neighbors have one and it's annoying
A Suffolk man with a bizarre sexual attraction to tractors has been banned from the countryside and forced to sign the sex offenders' register
swatting
a ballet choreographed by Christopher Lydon for the New York City Ballet to the third bowel movement of Kento Ikeda's Anus I
seeing a photo on wikipedia and wanting to give it the alternate title of "The Evolution of Guys Who Hang Around Children's Playgrounds Too Much"
a ballet choreographed by Douglas Lee for the New York City Ballet to the third movement of Ryoji Ikeda's Opus I
creating a three dimensional copy of a living human body, through the use of molding and casting techniques
sousveillance is to surveillance as being murdered by clowns is to being murdered
discovering that lifecasting is like a decade old which is pretty impressive for total fucking bullshit
Kento's unusually smelly bowel
It got six hundred thousand views in its first week
Ezarik posted a video about wanting to order a cheeseburger on YouTube
Kento's unusually small bowel
Kento's large bowel
The dogs were used for hunting bear, boar and deer at princely courts, with the favorites staying at night in the bedchambers of their lords
www dot childbowelfantasy dot com
www dot puppybowlfantasy dot com
Donald Rumpy
Tom Manx
Shed Cruz
killing the Calico girls
Jonathan Tailor Thomas
Whiskipher Lydon
Mewel Kilcher
Lady NyaNya
R Kitty
Roman Purranski
Mr Meowgi
Guy Furry
not being familiar with the euphemism "halo" for a used condom, but yep, there it is on brunayotcirona, eleven years old
Creepy Cat Lady Colon The Video Game
Neko Atsume
A new breed of action hero
wondering whether you have included the incredible Pat Morita slash Chevy Chase slash Jon Voight vehicle The Karate Dog in your The Karate Kid Extravaganza
wondering why Sugar Ray would write a song which boasts about decorating their possibly underage sexual conquests' bedrooms with their spooge filled condoms
every morning there's a manservant awaiting m'lady's order in stoic silence at the corner of her four post bed
either she's fifteen and spoiled or she's an adult living in a creepy castle
or boy, I guess it could be either
Mark McGrath having sex with a fifteen year old girl
every morning there's a halo hangin from the corner of your girlfriend's four post bed that her parents bought her for her twelf birthday three years ago and she still hasn't flipped the mattress of despite being told to every time she cleans her room
Pokemon Racist British Bandit and Cocksure Kodiak Anus Bleacher
actually googling RBB before figuring it out, sad face
Mark McGrath FLIPS BURGER for teenager who calls him BURGER GUY
Mark McGrath FLIPS OUT on teenager who calls him SUGAR GAY
putting ricin in your rice
loser dot co dot uk, cheerio
Children in space talk with astronaut Tim Peake at museum having fighting sex with Bill Cosby in the showers at Penn State
loser dot edu
loser dot com
the Baen Free Library
Children in space talk with astronaut Tim Peake at museum
having fighting sex with Bill Cosby in the showers at Penn State
Bill Cosby fighting sex assault charge in Pennsylvania court
playing Marco Rubio in the pool
That Ned Kid
wanting a spinoff from The Next Karate Kid where we see Ned's work at a homeless shelter for ex sailors and all the extra credit community work he does on nights when he doesn't have anger management classes
that weird rapey thread of The Next Karate Kid where Ned keeps inviting Julie down to the docks and you kind of think he's got some prostitution thing in mind, but then at the end it turns out that's just where he blows up cars and beats people to death
wanting to make Kento a sailor sandwich for his birthday
drawing a picture of Punxsutawney Phil being felt up by tawny punks
Whiny Tuna Sex Pulp
Punxsutawney Phil
foods that look like somebody already was them once
foods that look like somebody already ate them once
A hot dog wrapped in a beef patty, deep fried, then covered with chili, a few french fries, and a fried egg
wanting to electrocute Kento's testicles for his birthday
wanting to electroplate Kento's pennies for his birthday
Colo Cruz
Speed II Colo Cruz Control
taking the Cruz
berning the feel
feeling the Bern
Terrorists caught in bikinis after performing bizarre midnight drag routine in the jungle
NAACP leader uses F word to apologize for using T word after N word meeting
bottoming for Rape Macchio in the Kunt Fucking Kid II
really, they should have called it the Kung Fu Kid
Bonsai trees 'float' using magnetic levitation
he was running a couple of plutonium co projects that fell through
waiting for the revelation in the new Karate Kid II that all of the perils that befell both Hilary's Wank and Jaden Smith were just elaborate revenge plots by Terry Silver to get revenge on Ralph Macchio
all that killing, no passion missing
breastgasming a king in a California church
all that kissing, no passion missing
that guy could do whatever he wanted to me in his magic goblin castle
on the other hand, China is leading the way in Jaden Smith Beatdown Movies
not knowing if it's the Jaden Smith thing or the constant soundtrack of autotuned shit over endless fucking montages but definitely feeling, despite looking great and having nice performances, that the Karate Kid remake is the worst Karate Kid movie
being sure Jaden Smith has more muscle than Ralph Macchio
muscular children
being sure there weren't this many montages in the original Karate Kid
like a mirror
jacking on, jacking off
jacket on, jacket off
not remembering if they already called it kung fu on screen
Jackie Chan's unmistakeable Three Stooges style of karate
She carried apples around in her purse to take pictures with people
we moved to China, that's what happened
get switch, save planet
never realizing how much you missed Elisabeth Shue's presence in the Karate Kid franchise until it became about the Tadpole of Bel Air
wondering who taught Dre to put on makeup
which is two kinds of racist if you think about it
back where I come from they call me Ping Pong Dre
Half Chinea Long Haired Film Group Corporation
ni jiao shenme mingzi, "I would like a mimosa"
China Film Group Corporation
the death of Homaro Cantu
all primary and secondary schools will be closed should the wolf Skoll devour the sun
Groundhog dies days before Groundhog Day, Winter Storm Juno Confirmed To Be Start of Fimbulvetr
feeling like swans would be far better at utterly destroying the drones, but are probably too uppity to do so if asked
Harvard's Sub Bee Is Now Also a Robotmarine
Harvard's Submarine Is Now Also a Robot Bee
Harvard's Robot Bee Is Now Also a Submarine
Politie zet roofvogels in om vijandige drones uit de lucht te halen
kink charming
squeezing me, pleasing me
neckerchief, masturbating on an exercise bench
Tony the Tiger begs furries to stop tweeting him porn, rawr
a picture of an extremely muscly Tony, naked save for his neckerchief, masturbating on an exercise bench
Tony the Tiger begs furries to stop tweeting him porn
flaying dildos
flying dildos
Facing the dildo's conundrum, I felt like I could just fly, but nothing happened every time I tried
the Dixmoor Five
Edgardo Mortara, Pater noster, qui es in caelis, oy vey
Edgardo Mortara
the Little Rascals day care sexual abuse trial
specifically asking the hotel for a bathroom without a bidet rape coil
learning all the elements in the bidet rape coil in order
learning all the walruses in the aquarium have packed their fudge and said goodbye
learning all the elephants in the circus have packed their trunks and said goodbye
bottoming for Five Dick Clark in The Dick Lark V
five dick clark shaming
dick clark five shaming
dave clark five shaming
kink shaming
HYDROGEN FOR THE HYDROGEN GOD! UNUNOCTIUM FOR THE UNUNOCTIUM THRONE!
learning all the elements in the periodic table in CHAOS
the typo that almost happened there
booking a party redeye with Moaning Myke airways
it wasn't long before their matching entrepreneurial spirits had them bent over numerous 'moaning Myke' disco and rape jets
it wasn't long before their matching entrepreneurial spirits had them bent over numerous 'moaning Myke' ideas and projects
Legend of a Rabbit
Black was planning to breed stable hauler emu in late twenty eleven, which she said would include "a bunch of different kinds of stuff"
no they don't
unquiet urine rape spirits relent
unquiet entrepreneurial spirits
Two Trannies in a Dumpster wanting to bend Kento over numerous 'money making' ideas and projects for his birthday
Two Trannies in a Dumpster
wanting to bend Kento over numerous 'money making' ideas and projects for his birthday
it wasn't long before their matching entrepreneurial spirits had them bent over numerous 'money making' ideas and projects
Paris Hilton's British Best Friend
Two Grannies in a Garage
Black was planning to release her debut album in late twenty eleven, which she said would include "a bunch of different kinds of stuff"
We learned to put sliced onions over a child's ear for an infection and other folk remedies, like wearing wet socks at night to "boost the immune system"
Tim the Tool Man Taylor
slashing the fluffing budget at the All Valley Gay Dude Ranch Showering Tournament
the winner of last year's All Valley Gay Dude Ranch Showering Tournament only has to compete in the final match
gay dude ranch toweling off
gay dude ranch showering
gay dude ranch undressing
gay dude ranch dressing
eating a maid at a gay dude ranch
being a gay maid dude at a ranch
being a maid at a gay dude ranch
finding The Telebugs undignified even as a child
Tele Mark
After decades of influence, the foreskins of Mountain Dew are getting the recognition they deserve
wondering if being the only woman in a long running siege is exciting or if it's like being a maid at a gay dude ranch
Pokemon Rum and Mark
Rum and Mark
Diet Mark
Mark Zero
Mark with Lemon
New Mark, New Mark, so good they named him Mark
New Mark
Classic Mark
brain overreach
Joe Bogus from Completely Made Up City, New York, United States
internal bureaucracy
a small, inconvenient part of your brain tabling a question regarding when you might go down on a woman again
After decades of flatulence, the forefathers of Mountain Dew are getting the recognition they deserve
After decades of influence, the forefathers of Mountain Dew are getting the recognition they deserve
Grey's Colon An XXX Parody
Ryan's silent war against the spambots
having really boring dreams about being a responsible adult
wondering why those Oregon militiamen hate Female Body Inspectors so much
dewshine
Grey's Anatomy Colon The Video Game
Raycism
your family hassling you about finding someone and having children despite your being laid off from your job not even a month ago
Kento's open sandwich relationship
Ho Mesa
Moesha
arguing that it flouts the corporate governance code and is a serious conflict of interest
being rather silly and porridge oats
mapping historical cultural production
handing over money to look at paper
dude please your pay per view event was a joke
Humpty Trumpty will have a good fall
Big Yellow Uber
Leo was just a pretty boy from California until he moved to Chicago to be a pubicist for the Chicago Bears
Breeders Without Borders
Raydiation
Sixth Form Banned After RAY J Orgy
wondering if there is a Brandy Norwood tribute act called Whiskey
Chislehurst and Sidcup both sounding like Pokemon names
Pokemon Chislehurst and Sidcup
Cis with soy
Sixth Form Banned After Brandy Orgy
Don Quixburger
wondering how much Hilary Swank slash Ralph Macchio fanfiction there is
Homos Without Borders
In Heaven there is dragon meat, on Earth there is donkey meat
Vegan homos with meat
Homos with meat
Chislehurst and Sidcup
Asian tiger mosquitos
Japan's Booming Sex Niche Colon McChoco Potatoes Desu Ne
McChoco Potatoes Desu Ne
It took them nearly four minutes to turn it off, people couldn't believe what they were seeing isn't it
Leo was just a pretty boy from California unti he moved to Chicago to be a publicist for the Chicago Bears
Twink About Bears, the hilarious new sitcom from NBC
Leonardo DiCaprio meets pope to talk about bears
popcorn frogging
Thon was a secretive and often reclusive male Tchuukthai Jedi Master who lived in the period surrounding the events of the Great Sith War
Grieving family's horror as hardcore pornography played at funeral for father and baby son, look you now
McChoco Potatoes
These days it is hard to have the word 'tweet' without 'ill advised' before it
you gotta bring the bread on home
wondering why nobody knew the fascist weirdos at the high school were going to wreck the dance
Miyagi imply uhhh slice up Eric san penis like uhhh zucchini
And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement
drawing a picture of Daniel san banging Julie's mom on the hood of Mister Miyagi's truck
just now getting that Mister Miyagi moved to Boston and Julie didn't move to California
thinking that the Karate Kid reboot can't seriously be harder to endure than The Next Karate Kid, but then remembering that time you saw After Earth and it was horrible
Eric is icky
General Dwight Debauchery Eisenhower
Pokemon Sex Orgies, Drunken Behaviour and General Dwarf Debauchery
acting like another Hitler by inciting racism
hey guys, remember the Cranberries
stuffed animals can be just as dangerous as the world's worst despots
taking a road trip into Redneck County
not understanding how the hawk got from Boston to California
no way, no teach
you pay Miyagi
Miyagi no need say nothing
Mister Miyagi's Little Trees must really be raking in the cash to afford that giant ass house
it's just a car
sex orgies, drunken behaviour and general dwarf debauchery
hanging it in the background
a US highschool with what is clearly a fascist militia roaming the halls suborning the normal operation of an educational institution
Ol' Rapey Ned
three young, identically dressed, muscular men appear on screen just as the soundtrack delivers the line "take it like a man"
especially nineties soundtracks
wondering whether Christopher Caine's teenage son was offered a part where he would hang it in the background wearing a super tight t shirt and occasionally make ambiguously homoerotic quips
the old lady who appears to just say "Julie"
guessing that you have probably seen The Next Karate Kid at least half a dozen times because there was a cable channel that seemed to run it every Saturday afternoon when you were in college, but you can not remember even a single scene
HILARIOUS EXPOSITION
getting some meat for a friend from a police station
the best way to honor the military dead is to constantly fire guns over their graves
HILARIOUS WANK
A Film By CHRISTOPHER CAIN
drawing a picture of Donald Trump bending over and getting a hefty contribution from a New York City ticket scalper
For the sixth straight year, Donald Trump made no contributions to his own charitable foundation, instead relying on a hefty contribution from a New York City ticket scalper to underwrite the group's activities
A Canadian teenager allegedly discussed packing a moose with sand, painting it with maple syrup and introducing it to mounties
An Australian teenager allegedly discussed strapping explosives to a Tasmanian devil convict, painting an Islamic State symbol on it in vegemite, and arming it with a boomerang
hav airlander
hav
I would hav bet money that that was a Donald Trump quote
An Australian teenager allegedly discussed packing a kangaroo with explosives, painting it with an Islamic State symbol and setting it on police, a Melbourne court has heard
If somebody doesn't like you, fuck 'em, they've got bad taste
thinking you have a nosebleed whenever you get brain cancer
The Shrek movies deconstruct fairy tale conventions with much more depth and wit than this dreary parade of lifeless celebrity waxworks
and many times murdered
From Moses who killed an Egyptian for abusing his people, to Jesus who died on a cross as a condemned criminal, many of those who operate outside the box and promote love and justice over the current form of government are treated as outcasts
Casting of Joseph Fiennes, fortyfive, as Michael Jackson in British TV comedy sparks controversy
grilling the California garlic
Casting of Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson in British TV comedy sparks controversy
LaVoy Finicum Colon 'I Would Rather Die Than Be Caged'
discovering that you can have all the unpleasant aftertaste of bad chorizo simply by eating patatas bravas at lunch and having a single slice of smoked cheese in the afternoon
The Pentagon Wars Colon Reformers Challenge the Old Guard
Using the State Farm magic, he and his wife turn his son's room into a spa, a dojo, and a steam room
John McGinley
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye"
bullseyeing wet kids on Kupoh
Frosted Flakes Blocked A Bunch Of Furries On Twitter And Now They're All Freaking Out
jinkies
III%ers
bullseyeing wet dogs on Kupoh
Additionally, the term "wet dog" was used by Luke Skywalker to describe an odor he smelled while on Kupoh
drawing a picture of zombie Ronald Reagan fucking Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, with a frozen burrito while Reanimated Margaret Thatcher watches from a tree and masturbates
wondering if the inhabitants of the Mystery Machine were Freemen on the Land or a posse comitatus
drawing a picture of Ronald Reagan hermetically sealing Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour
topping and bottoming for Joseph Steson, fiftyfour, in Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, sixtynine, LXIX
bottoming for Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, in Google Search Results VII
wondering how many gay sex regrets we would have to write about Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, before the Regret Index would top google searches for his name
drawing a picture of Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, being anally and orally penetrated by two federal agents whilst giving hand jobs to two additional federal agents
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with thrilling federal agents"
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with holding federal agents"
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with kissing federal agents"
to free women forever of anti slackism
hawking wee hawk's wee in Weehawken
The Donald on his Newsmax debate, GOP candidates
Mice on Lars
thinking from the top regrets that someone else watched Life on Mars
but also being the one with less of an external support system
Wanting to try not to be the one to smooth this shit over
also bring really sick of being the meditator
how dare you be upset any their indignation at that suggestion
how dare you suggest their feats ever possibly be matched by a fatty like you
seriously, behind told that you had insulted someone by just expressing how that you could try at a thing that had done, and further insulted then with an emotional response
then being told that you were being unreasonable for being upset about that
being told tonight that you just aspiring towards a goal was shitting all over someone's work towards the same goal
cause of course you'll never create your own family
that thing where you wish she'd create her own family so you could just be alone already
Joseph Stetson, fiftyfour, was armed with a pellet gun and said he wanted to "help with killing federal agents"
introducing the Amazon Prime Regret Index, same day remorse, free and unlimited
A free lO% off Thankyou to all existing amazing Regret Index customers
the Amazon Regret Index
selling your website to a major multinational company
Fed Horse
Supposedly Hungry Horse in Hungry Horse Not Actually Hungry
cheeiro
A woman on White Rabbit Lane reported that another woman has, on numerous occasions, threatened to come over and take all of her cats
A horse and mule that were originally through to have insufficient access to food and water actually do have access to both food and water
A boxer and a smaller, short tailed thing were loose on Box Elder Lane
A bearded man was caught stealing a slab of ham from a local grocery store
Florida man kisses bird of prey, loses part of lip
cheerio
UK government misspells 'language' while announcing English tests for migrants
For Too Many Years When The Oscars Nominations Are Revealed, My Office Phone Rings Off The Hook With The Media Asking Me My Opinion About The Lack Of African Americans And This Year Was No Different
seeing how many you can lick in an hour then trying to break that record
Carlos and October Basket, eh
Kim Kardashian's Thoughts on Breastfeeding in Public
BEEP BOOP MARVIN MINSKY IS OFFLINE BEEP BOOP
Carlos and the Kebab Scooter
Kebaburritos
vegan Kebabpizza
insulting Turkish pizza
The kebab pizza is a Swedish invention which combines Italian and Turkish cuisine in a way that might horrify Italians and Turks
Kebabpizza
Kento's booming sex niche colon
Japan's Booming Sex Niche Colon Elder Porn Desu Ne
Taylor v Taintor
bottoming for Widdle in Jub Jub Crime Machine VII
bottoming for Bryan South in Hot Tub Crime Machine VII
bottoming for Bryan South in South of the Border VII
meeting Bryan South
Dong of Ryan North
Song of the North, eh
Dong of the Mouth
Nanook of the North
Song of the South
Initiatives for the eradication of #polio & #guineaworm disease have moved forward greatly over the past year
rolio
polio
Joel on Joel with Joel watching
Trumpson J Frank
TRUMP SHAKES
TRUMP FRANKS
Josh Trank's Republican Caucus
Trump Frank Twenty Sixteen
Donald Trump Schlonging Simulator Twenty Sixteen
Donald Trump Fifth Avenune Shooter Twenty Sixteen
Balls Kicking Simulator Twenty Sixteen
to boldly go where no man ever wants to get hit
The impact was so devastating that it broke the athletic cup he was wearing
Pokemon Words Like Wine and the Names of Foreign Animals and Pets
Words like wine and the names of foreign animals and pets
feeding a recurrent neural network with the scripts for every episode of F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
taking a really big poo
wanting to make Kento a chocolate filled star doughnut for his birthday
fingering a butt in bed
eating a Butterfinger in bed
Kobe Bryant Calls Tim Duncan 'Ultimate Professional'
Sharon Knolle of Moviefone called Machete the Mexican equivalent of fictional British spy James Bond
Jonathan Avildsen Seagull
Snakes on a Plane II Colon Snake's on a Plane starring Kurt Russell with Special Appearance by Jonathan Avildsen
incorrectly guessing Jonathan Avildsen to be a Stunt Man Actor rather than A Terrible Actor Whose Dad Directed The Movie
Pokemon Snake and Dennis
Pokemon "Jonas" and "Snowzilla"
US Republican front runner Donald Trump expressed confidence on Saturday that he could push back attempts by his rivals to knock him off his top perch, saying he could stand on New York's Fifth Avenue "and shoot Jackson C Frank," and still not lose voters
wondering how many times Donald Trump has already killed with impunity
US Republican front runner Donald Trump expressed confidence on Saturday that he could push back attempts by his rivals to knock him off his top perch, saying he could stand on New York's Fifth Avenue "and shoot somebody," and still not lose voters
the Snowzilla Brothers
The storm has also been given various unofficial names, including "Jonas" and "Snowzilla"
trying so hard not to laugh at "chocolate filled star doughnut" in the bedroom
trying so hard not to laugh at "chocolate filled star doughnut" in the supermarket
you gave us Tex Mex, we can forgive you
wishing, as an American, to apologize for introducing the modern concept of artisanal food to the world
the first and only lOO% artisan wood powered coffee roastery in the UK
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face holding out for a two year old
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face
holding out for a two year old
thinking that Snake and Dennis are Perrrrfect would mostly be about Snake hitting the gym to blast his quads whenever he wasn't waxing his convertible
two grown men fixating on a teenage boy who runs a topiary store with the older man he lives alone with, a boy who can't seem to get a steady girlfriend despite pretty girls throwing themselves at him
Snake and Dennis are Perrrrfect
There are so many temptations in the crazy world today, And there are so many people tryin' to lead you astray, Whenever you're confused about all the things you see, You can't tell a friend from the enemy
wanting to write a Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead for the Karate Kid III with Snake as the main character
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
they wanted to take revenge on Daniel by making his foot sweel and his knuckles bleed, etc
not really understanding what the stakes are in the tournament for Kreese or Silver, since even if they lose, Silver is still a plutonium dumping whoremonger, and Kreese still has a sugar daddy, but then, Kreese always did have a sugar daddy
I love it when he pounds him
now the real pain begins, Danny Boy
Mister Miyagi, they changed the tournament rules so the defending champion doesn't have to fight as many extras and the budget can be smaller
I'M GONNA OPEN COBRA KAI DOJOS ALL OVER THIS VALLEY! HELL! I MIGHT EVEN TEACH FOR FREE!
actually really hoping they deal with the stolen trees before the end of the movie
he hates the wooden men
Terry Silver's plutonium dumping business and elaborate revenge schemes are just sidelines, he makes most of his money from his Angry Kid brothel network, for which the twenty martial arts dojos he bought for Kreese are simply a front offering recruitment
guessing that he spends at least four hours a day building guys out of plywood to kick, too
nothing's for free
wondering who runs Terry Silver's plutonium dumping business when he's out running elaborate revenge schemes on teenagers and slash or going to parties for teenagers
Daniel is literally splattered with blood
guessing that at some point in development, someone realized stores generally buy rather than manufacture the majority of their merchandise, so getting the stolen bonsai trees back became less crucial
he ran into your fist, not your fault
feeling like your martial arts movie has kind of gone off the rails when you start focusing more time on the karate subplot rather than the main bonsai shop management plot
a man can't breathe, he can't fight
first dissolve old foot, then, grow new bonsai foot
new foot powder
Terry Silver's D intensive program and hatred of wooden people
a man can't stand, he can't fight
that was literally the first thing that I thought when I saw him
feeling that if Thomas Ian Griffith had been born about ten years later he would have made a perfect Red Ranger
who are you his mother
Rent Boy Mike grabs some man boob
that's pretty standard for most film universes without a karate tournament organizer as a main character
echoing Daniel's question of why he is so stupid
wondering why Daniel san didn't just go to the directors of the All Valley Tournament and say, "hey, that guy Mike Barnes attempted to murder me and my girlfriend in an attempt to get me to sign this registration form"
shouting your murder plan across half of California from a clifftop
Reginald VelJohnson would have taken care of Mike Barnes and Snake
that's pretty standard for most film universes without a cop as a main character
wondering why there doesn't even appear to be the concept of law enforcement in the world of the Karate Kid
what happened to the guy who lost his head
Everybody Loves Ralph Macchio
suspecting that Terry Silver made his fortune not by toxic waste dumping but by actually running an enormous gay teen prostitution stable
if you're looking to be a bad boy in LA, Snake's the boy to be bad with
Snake's the boy to be bad with
being a professional toxic waste dumper
simple, direct, catchy
Mister Miyagi's Little Trees
HEY! I LIKE THAT! OH, I LIKE THAT JOHNNY! I'M GONNA USE THAT!
you're a sweetheart, that's great
Blake Lively's half sister
Cobra Kai never dies
that the actor playing Vietnam vet Terry Silver is actually a year younger than Ralph Macchio
Vietnam veterans reminiscing about all the times they shaved each other's asses
he beat him up for it
wondering how Sensei Kreese managed to get a hold of Marty McFly's vest
always being baffled when movie credits boast a "special appearance" by an actor
and proud
I was out
I was waiting for you
have you already started
maybe one ish
thinking of starting around midnight UTC
a bearded hotdog yelling HULK U at you from across the street
Hulk A Roos sounding like some kind of underwear
seriously having no idea what kind of food item either "Hulk U's" or "Hulk A Roos" is intended to suggest
The restaurant, which remained in operation for less than a year, featured such dishes as "Hulk U's" and "Hulk A Roos"
LA hunk's hogskin
Chinese restaurants shut down after seasoning food with opium to 'hook' customers
taking so long to work out that you're not KISS
taking so long to work out that exponential functions shouldn't be used
taking so long to work out that you're not GALACTIC REPUBLIC
sticking together is what good child rapists do
R Kelly is still a Cosby fan
typing things in the wrong box
Nonbinary
taking so long to work out that you're not cis
YouAreDogNow
deimatic skanks
accidentally befriending the neighborhood skank, who now, when she sees you, bounds over to you cheerfully in an alarming way, although it's really quite cute
Sato invites Daniel to possibly the Asianist dance ever
Sato invites Daniel to possibly the fattest dance ever
Sato invites Daniel to possibly the gayest dance ever
the swanboobs on Chicken
I could eat
wondering if you're going to be watching The Karate Kid Colon Part III at around this time tomorrow, and, if so, we should totally liveregret it together
the manboobs on Chozen
being one of both people who have seen Your Highness, and the only one who has seen the whole thing
the scene with Mister Miyagi's father's death from The Karate Kid II reminding you very much of the scene with the puppet from Your Highness
ralphing mochas on Ralph Macchio
winning the Reader's Dickgest sweepstake
my blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold, goyim is the centerfold, oy vey
that if you were just in it for the pictures, then the Circumcised Centerfold in Shalom Shlongs is your best bet
that you always though the writing quality of Wieners Weekly was far superior to Men's Penises, but it probably was a worse deal for the money
getting a subscription to Men's Penises Magazine on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
In the bloodpot of human hearts
getting a subscription to Men's Walruses Magazine in terminal one of Charles de Gaulle airport
getting a subscription to Men's Penises Magazine in the showers at Penn State
getting a subscription to Walruses' Penises Magazine in the Boston Aquarium
getting a subscription to Women's Penises Magazine in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
by the butcher's shop with the sawdust strewn
getting a subscription to Electroplated Pennies Magazine
meeting Joe Black
getting a subscription to Women's Penises Magazine
getting a subscription to Men's Penises Magazine
den den daiko
remembering that your aunt went to Okinawa not long after it came out and brought you one of those little drum things
Putin implicated in fatal poisoning of former KGB spy at posh London hotel
signing up for HotJupiters hoping for extrasolar superplanets who'd do things your own gas giants won't, but just getting sad, rapey, and irrationally angry messages from middle aged men's penises just like with every dating site out there
Hot Jupiters
my sentences are often more coherent than that
guessing that you say The Karate Kid II once like maybe the year it came out
lube on, lube off
try biting down on a towel
a man's got to learn to take it
Darth Vader infant onesie recalled for posing hand chopping hazard
I find your lack of nursing rooms disturbing
Darth Vader infant onesie recalled for posing choking hazard
sucking her peppers until she had a Gene Hunt
Johnny's KISS makeup is the worst
o
Ralph Mojari
Elisabeth Shoe
having impure thoughts about a twenty one year old Elisabeth Shue
Barry White eating boysenberries with white boys in Boise
Home Alone VI Trapped in Penn State
A Jerry Weintraub Production
Santa With Muscles would make an excellent double bill with Home Alone IV
wondering whether Home Alone III onward continued the trend in the first two of teaching young children that every creepy old person is actually really nice and has nothing but your best interests at heart
discovering that Home Alone IV is viewable in its entirety on Youtube and downloading it, but you still haven't gotten around to watching Santa With Muscles so who knows when you'll watch it
rating the third and fifth installments of Home Alone as the best in terms of acting, the third and first as the most original in terms of story, the first and second the highest in terms of set piece violence and endearing self awareness, and the fourth
all the latest copper news in heating, gas, design, health, water, solar and other topics
jumping over that lazy dog
Home Alone Colon Alone in the Dark
hopefully google searching for "Matt Damon punched in the face supercut" and being greatly disappointed
Christopher Nolan's Interstellar Sea Cow
maybe that's why you liked Interstellar
I just wish Matt Damon got punched in the face more is all I'm saying
maybe it does, I haven't seen it
wishing that The Martian had a scene where an alien punches Matt Damon in the face and says "welcome to merz!"
Hot Octopuss is turning old phone booths into "male stress relief" masturbation booths in Manhattan, I'm wankin' here
for you maybe
the new Malibu Stacey has an achievable chest
Home Alone V is a tour de force and easily the best film in the entire series
time and space collapsing
the daughter in Home Alone V was also the murderous zombie girl in The Cabin in the Woods
wowwww
oh my god it's the fucking Shining
Home Alone V starting with an establishing shot reminiscent of The Shining, or at least, of the Simpsons parody of the Shining, because you've never seen the Shining
scanning a hard disk for rootkits less than twelve hours after installing it, if you know what I mean
scanning a hard disk for rootkits less than twelve hours after installing it
Potjevleesch
It is performed by Bieber and Jaden Smith
Dennis Rodman endorsing both Donald Trump and Kim Jong un
a heart attack shaped like a penis
beep boop
dragging your consciousness across the familiar and less familiar interface with your damaged cyborg memory
people don't do that type of thing with fish
not calling the Independence Day sequel Codependence Day
still not being sure in twenty sixteen that Kento is a real person and valid identity and such
wondering whether Jack Nicholson slash Christian Slater or Jeff Goldblum slash Shia LaBeouf would be a better pair for Looper II Colon Loop Harder
Predapendence Day
bottoming for Jeff Goldblum and Shia LaBeouf in IDP Colon Incoherence Day
wondering if there is a glory hole equivalent for butt stuff where you just jam your cheeks up against a dinner plate sized hole and wait for people to come and do stuff to you
Anonymous colon
confusing Amy Smart with Amber Benson
James Marsden being out acted by a magic eight ball and a plastic skeleton in the thrilling conclusion
the manic pixie dream girl farts to prove she's not the writer's idealised ex
wanting a Predator vs Independence Day crossover just for the line "welcome to erf GET TO DA CHOPPA"
hot dog suicide bomber objectivists not being on wikipedia's list of stock characters
spending a couple of minutes expecting James Marsters to show up
always confusing Saved By the Bell Colon The New Class's James Marsden with Eldest Worm Boy's Jason Marsden
the magical negro is advocating stalking
it appears to be made by swans and claims midgets are notorious skirt chasers
tonight's movie is Interstate Sixty
the great tragedy of the dead hard drive saga being the loss of Home Alone V, which was one day away from retirement
suggesting the Karate Kid series for your next movie binge, because The Karate Kid III is one of the greatest movies of all time
"your Amazon order has been dispatched" having the same ominous ring to it as "the pact is sealed"
bingop
Sarah Palin endorses Donald Trump for GOP bingo
shaving your ladyparts and eating them too
Sarah Palin endorses Donald Trump for GOP nomination
that's the whole ballgag
cocaine seizures
'Largest Cocaine Seizure in Denmark's History' Is Worth $one hundred thirty one M Colon Officials
tappa tappa tappa
homophonia
bottoming for Dr Kevin Worm in I Love Bum
Butt expert Dr Kevin Worm
Worm expert Dr Kevin Butt
Dr Bronner's Soap
fifty% of hard drives will survive until their sixth birthday
fragrance
uh, books
that's the whole ballgame
Two Corinthians
Kushboo
the heat is off
I want to upvote you like a redditor
Jwl Klchr
wondering how many people ever got a tattoo of shtn Ktchr and how that's working out for them
wondering when stn Ktcr will get around to playing a character who is not a stoned idiot
into a brick wall
vaguely recalling a story about shtn Ktcr being the most followed person on twitter but now it looks like he's in sixty second place, so either you remembered wrong or his career has really crashed into a brick wall
Earthworms the size of an elderly podcaster's penis, weighing as much as a small walrus, have been discovered on the Isle of Cum
Pokemon Pretty Rich
Bono's dog's boner boondoggle
Pokemon Pretty and Rich
a much better name for this movie would be Crime Travel
shtn Ktchr
shton Kutcher's inability to play Ashton Kutcher convincingly
they really missed a trick not calling this guy Butt Erffly
Bono's dog can't get an erection
snake discovered that weighs as much as a mouse that weighs as much as a snake
the growing sense of horror as you watch Try Effete Butt Felch and realise someone deliberately cast Ashton Kutcher
weighing as much as a small mouse
the growing sense of horror as you watch The Butterfly Effect and realise someone deliberately cast Ashton Kutcher
Earthworms the size of a baby snake, weighing as much as a small mouse, have been discovered on the Isle of Rum
Castle Asian
Castle Fat
Amazing lithograph reveals gorilla and camel 'playing Dungeons & Dragons with Tim Duncan'
Amazing picture reveals gorilla and camel 'Eiffel Towering Kento'
Amazing photo reveals gorilla and camel 'living on Mars'
I want to fuck you like complacency over data backups
I want to fuck you like an animal and a celebrity
the ironic difficulty of trying to navigate amazon from a kindle browser
an all action hero with a stiff upper lip and a miraculous knack for getting himself out of sticky situations
Castle Gay
two officials from the embassy asked a nearby hair salon to remove a poster of Justin Trudeau emblazoned with the words "bad hair, eh"
Dickson McCunn
two officials from the embassy asked a nearby hair salon to remove a poster of Kim Jong un emblazoned with the words "bad hair day"
A drunk grandmother who attacked a shopkeeper with a Taser in a racist tirade has reportedly been spared jail
Turmagar, the leader of the Tuskas, travels to the Cat's Lair to ask for aid in defeating the Technopede robot which is destroying his village
making a two hundred million dollar film of Shia LaBeouf performing cunnilingus on a robotic parasaurolophus
Transformers Colon DinoMunchers
coconut water enemas
DinoMunchers
making dinosaur love with agent fiftyseven
having unnatural dinosaur sex with agent fiftyseven
Roman Polanski's preteen ejaculation problem
Roman Polanski's premature ejaculation problem
Hayden Christensen's premature ejaculation problem
it's actually really fun
what's in my pants is none of your fucking business
goth rent boy movies, yessiree
goth rent boy movies
selling your nuts to a castrati
THROBBING BIOLOGICAL URGES
being about to say that it was so far about three minutes of Hayden Christensen's wordless, contextless masturbation, but then it actually happening with autoerotic asphyxiation and goth makeup
finally getting around to watching Life As a House because you discovered that the creepy looking kid with the anime eyes from Home Alone IV is also in it
Henry Velociraptor
making an NSFW Japanese condom advert featuring Kento being unnaturally bonked by Chris Lydon and a velociraptor
NSFW Japanese condom advert features two dinosaurs bonking, unnaturally
hand cranking Brisbane Bridge, crikey
hand cranking the internet
addling egrets using a basic Kindle
adding regrets using a basic Kindle
relability
really hating computers to the point where every time you buy a new laptop every five years or so you tell your friends, family, and store staff that literally the only thing that matters to you is relability
having dinosaur sex with agent fiftyseven in an NSFW Japanese condom advert, desu ne
trying to figure out how to get into the case of an unfamiliar desktop computer to figure out if you can rescue a hard drive and deciding that in fact you hate computers
NSFW Japanese condom advert features two dinosaurs bonking, naturally
British fudgepacker missing after beating off Brisbane Bridge 'for a bit of fun, cheerio', crikey
no more windows available
British backpacker missing after leaping off Brisbane bridge 'for a bit of fun, cheerio', crikey
haven't seen it
he does have a pretty big face
Open Faced Adam Driver
mmmmm, open faced club sand wedge
something something Adam Driver something golf club something Wedge Antilles
Adam Driver's exclusion of women and minorities from his clubhouse
not knowing enough about golf to make an Adam Driver joke
gerbil reasoning
wanting to reinstall your Adam Driver, but continually being taken to the Recovery Tools screen that tells you that you need to use the Recovery Tools instead
having to reinstall your Adam Driver
kind of wishing you could live in an alligator
kind of wishing you could live in a radiator
loaning your leaves to a dishonest Britney
masturbating in a monarchy
Adam Driver, I hardly know her
masturbating in a livery
living in a monastery
living in a monarchy
the fact that Hillary Clinton is losing the youth vote to a man who looks like he is roughly two hundred and fifty years old
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to adamDRIVER
Brubaker landing on Mars
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to colonDRYVRS
Kevin's dad is in love with his wife and kids
Superman Colon Unbound
Missi Pyle's amazing delivery in the "get in the bag" scene
there isn't any snow
Kevin's dad doesn't believe that, despite the incredible coincidence of the first two movies, a career criminal might once again be operating in his home town
Missi Pyle's instantly recognisable gum chewing schtick
Kevin somehow remembers Marv
the adults are worse actors than the children
someone actually cast French Stewart as the kid from The Wonder Years who grew up to be a career criminal in the first two movies
the dg said "home alone", then his deadbeat dad came over for a booty call
They say I am a virgin on a stallion, mounting a stallion my Dear Leader gave me, all my life I will live to uphold his name!
this child's eyes appear to be real life anime eyes
French Stewart is the only reason to hang on through this shit
the kd said "home alone", then his deadbeat dad came over for a booty call
has French Stewart shown up yet
literally one minute in, Home Alone IV is the worst Home Alone, and then it introduces a divorce plot
wondering why you would darn orange socks
being Christmas Tree'd by Chris Lydon and a mouse in ThreeD
Hoser's Cum I
muse choirs
Chris Mouse
horse music
house music
It means that you are going to go over to your partners house and fuck with Netflix in the background
being invited over to watch a movie with Tim Duncan
playing Dungeons & Dumpsters with Tim Dumpinme
taking the hugest dump in Tim Duncan
taking the hugest dump on Tim Duncan
Sir Tim Duncan takes ten d six shit damage
Magic user craps all over cage mat during fight!
Lover craps all over cage mat during fight!
maybe we're just terrible people
StormChan
this is the worst website ever
look harder
Rape Ingot System not found fisting Cilla Black
the death of Cilla Black
Rape Ingot System not found
fisting Cilla Black
Operating System not found
fucking Cilla black
Crapper fights all over cage mat during crap!
bucking Cilla Flack
cucking Filla Black
BOMBER craps all over cage mat during fight!
fucking Cilla Black
Fighter craps all over cage mat during fight!
no one seems to touch me in the way you do
you know it's true, everything I do, I solve for x but I just can't get the hang of algebra like when am I going to use that in a pop ballad
Man we were killin' time, we were young and restless, we needed to unwind, we really had way too much sugar
Bryan's handwriting appears to be getting worse this term and his homework is often bloodstained
playing it 'til your neighbors contacted social services
it is irresponsible parenting to let a nine year old play the guitar until his fingers bleed
Magic Johnson
Butch Beard
French Stewart has no problem with playing Sun City
khlav kalash
it was actually shot in South Africa
of course you'll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the CHUDs
Stern, calling this film "an insult, total garbage," refused to reprise his role
a child with a high IQ living in suburban Chicago
honestly not associating the values of New York with those of Donald Trump
New York values, I'm walkin' here
the perfect marriage of brown note incidental music and disturbing visuals
imagining Hans Zimmer's Fat Gay Asians theme
imagining Hans Zimmer's Home Alone theme
the Smoothie King Center
Scientists Bust Myth That Fat Gay Asians VII Has More Butt Stuff Than Home Alone III
Fat Gay Asians VII's reliance on butt stuff being timeless
you smacked my winky
this guy shoots a soil pipe and the black sludge that leaks from it over him indicates that the kid from Home Alone III has the rankest butt in all of hell itself
lightning coming out of that one guy's butt
putting a shipping label into a cross cut shredder
that Bryan Adams was sixty nined the summer he was nine years old
Home Alone III's reliance on butt stuff being timeless
Home Alone III's reliance on an extended drone sequence being ahead of its time
Home Alone III Colon Butt Stuff
butt inspection gloves
young Scarlett Johansson's unhealthy interest in small boys' buttocks
Alex slammed the toilet seat down on his thing again
having never seen any Home Alone movie after the first two before
Gay Man Touching An Electric Fence
Boston Man Reacts To Finding A Huge Fish
Dog Won't Listen To Owner
A group of Virginia Tech researchers who sampled the water in two hundred and seventy one Flint homes last summer found some contained lead levels high enough to meet the EPA's definition of "toxic waste"
In a two thousand nine survey for Brazilian rum Sagatiba, this was found to be the UK's favourite summer song of all time, narrowly beating Mungo Jerry's "In the Summertime"
that Bryan Adams was nine years old in the summer of sixty nine
those were the best days of my life
standin' on your mama's porch, Eiffel Towerin' Kento with a walrus
going to bed early at four in the morning
hint
the loneliest number that you'll ever do
two
the square root of nine
four
five
six
seven
you're a pink shit holed whore, I'm a brown shit holed whore, have we met somewhere before
the forthcoming Scottish version of American Gladiators, British Gladiators
Smash Mouth's forthcoming album 'Songs You Used To Like'
drawing a picture of Alan Rickman rolling in his grave listening to Smash Mouth
StarPunchers
entering a regret when you intended to do a search because some idiot stretched the screen brown assho
wondering what it is like to get into the porn industry and have things like "worked as a fluffer on the production and launch of I'M A BROWN SHIT HOLED WHORE November nought two to August nought three" on your resume
entering a regret when you intended to do a search because some idiot stretched the screen
brown assho
Pokemon David Bowie and Alan Rickman
stetching the screen more than Kento's asshole
I didn't mean to do that and I apologise
oh shit
here am I shitting in my tin can, farting above the moooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooonoooooo
wondering what it is like to get into the music industry and have things like "worked on the production and launch of Smash Mouth's 'Get The Picture' November nought two to August nought three" on your resume
take your protein pills and put your helmet on, you might as well be walking on the sun
Listen to David Bowie's Cover of Smash Mouth's One Record Anybody Can Actually Remember
Yeah, Actually It Is Probably Better If You Don't
getting your fist sex girl rants, sir, buying them at the five and dime
Or, Don't
Listen to Smash Mouth's Cover of Queen & David Bowie's 'Under Pressure'
David Bowie and Alan Rickman getting their fist sex girl rants, sir
David Bowie and Alan Rickman getting their first real six strings
David Bowie and Alan Rickman dying at sixty nine
the episode of Family Matters where Carl and Urkel go on American Gladiators
Armenian Gladiators
the equivalent of putting your hands in liquid feces, except that lactobacilli are benign bugs
the worst thing to happen to image searching being Pinterest insulting support Turkishness
trucking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
the worst thing to happen to image searching being Pinterest
insulting support Turkishness
Flying turkey ruffles feathers about 'emotional support' animals on planes
wondering why the British version of American Gladiators wasn't called British Gladiators, Cheerio, cheerio
Christina Lydon
John Anderson, after reviewing the footage, ruled that while Lydon did use excessive grease on Ikeda's legs there was no actual rule prohibiting this therefore she was allowed to retain the points she had earned
wow, what a hole
preferring the toystore from Mister Rainmanible's Suitcase of Animals to the toystore from Home Alone Two Colon Lost in New York
John Anderson, after reviewing the footage, ruled that while Bawden did use excessive grease on her legs there was no actual rule prohibiting this therefore she was allowed to retain the points she had earned
the heady days of the nineteen nineties when you could ask Donald Trump where the bathroom is and he would tell you without launching into a diatribe about it being full of Mexican muslims
Bruce Banner incredibly being found culpable for laying Macaulay Culkin in Macau
Lord Patrick of Stewart
Sir Hugh de Jackman
a broad strip taken from the head to the heel, to make therewith a baldrick for his sword
sparing neither age nor sex, monk nor nun
THEY CAN TAKE OUR TEACAKES BUT THEY CAN NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!
"WILLIAM WALLACE," screamed the Scottish Resistance member
"Hear roar us," they demanded
Trump should dishonorably discharge Hans Gruber
Backstreet's back, bar fight!
All the media, the British media, control everything in Scotland
the hard death of Hans Gruber
the death of Hans Gruber
Stolen circumcision ambulance found after tip off
I haven't collided a really good hadron since I had that quark
I haven't had a really good stroke since I had the stroke
I haven't had a really good stroke since I had the hard on
I haven't had a really good hard on since I had the stroke
John Candy saying polka over and over and over
Trump should enact a writ of damnatio memoriae on
Trump should excommunicate French Stewart
wondering if someone wants to explain to Anne Coulter that's not how deportation works, even if Trump actually had any political authority
Trump should deport Nikki Haley
I mistook you for Kevin McAllister
I never asked
I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass
wondering why the title music of Home Alone is so in love with itself and so reminiscent of the Jar Jar and Anakin scenes from The Phantom Menace, then noticing it's a John Williams theme
Brown released a DVD entitled Chris Brown's Journey, which shows footage of him traveling in England and Japan, getting ready for his first visit to the Grammy Awards, behind the scenes of his music videos and bloopers, cheerio, desu ne
Act III, scene IV of Romeo and Juliet where Romeo takes his shirt off, smashes a malt liquor bottle over a Canadian rapper's head, then sends a tweet calling him a faggot
Chris Brown being more like a real life Edward Lewis out of Pretty Woman than anything else
Act V, scene IV of Romeo and Juliet, where Romeo parties in a casino hotel and blames media attention on his relationship with Juliet for giving him cause to assault a hooker he has hired for the weekend
He stated he did not feel that his career was over, and described his relationship with Rihanna as having been like Romeo and Juliet, blaming the media attention in the aftermath of the assault for driving them apart
The best Vietnamese place in the state
A Dong Restaurant ready to reopen after fire
David Bowie fans sign petition to bring him back from the dead
kangaroos are often called "the Chris Brown of the Animal Kingdom"
Far from "mourning the loss of his mate", the male kangaroo pictured in "heartbreaking" viral photographs with its injured female "companion" might have been responsible for her death while attempting to mate with her, experts say
something something Dead Kento Society something kangaroo something Robin Williams something crikey
A scientist has claimed "heartbreaking" viral photographs showing the "tragic moment" a young kangaroo "reached out to touch its dying mother, one last time", have been misinterpreted by the media
being unable to find a picture of Jewel in a lab coat and glasses
busty scientists
Scientists Bust Myth That Our Bodies Have More Bacteria Than Human Cells
Holland, Pennsylvania
hashtag lilypoet
hashtag yetipoll
hashtag politely
politely
poliely
Gruffalr
Grinchr
waffle pizza
Weywot
it'd keep Kento amused but there's very little in it for the rest of us
one hundred Trump sized ducks means one hundred explosive corkscrew penises
I fail to see the downside to the one hundred Trump sized ducks
wondering whether you would rather vote for one duck sized Donald Trump or one hundred Donald Trump sized ducks
I'd rather be a cow pat than a cop
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Donald Trump whose brain has been replaced with that of a duck, or a hideous chimeric fusion of David Cameron and Cameron Diaz
It is partly my fault but Tesco needs to do something about this because more people are going to get hurt
When they put the items in the fridges that's when everyone goes nuts
"because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath" not being a line from a live action Disney film of the nineteen sixties
he got his degree from Penn State
Wikipedia's list of notable people from Neverland Ranch including Dr Michael Twoyoungmen
Wikipedia's list of notable people from Calgary including Dr Michael Twoyoungmen
sometimes missing taking baths as opposed to showering, because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath
noisy daywalkers
this concludes the jokes about Calgary
we're going to rock down to Stephen Avenue, and we'll do it politely
climbing up on Calgary Hill
the sign outside Calgary that says "Population Both, eh"
Colon Crikey
Calgarifornication
bragging about eating from West Virginia
something something El Chapo something tunnel to freedom something Ashley Olsen something heroin
really hoping that Fuller House makes reference to Michelle's fatal heroin binge
the death of Ashley Olsen
putting on aftershave to compensate for your ordinary shoes
Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up! Did we lose a war
running to lose, heart on your sleeve and your soul in your shoes
bottoming for Hugh Jackman and Vin Diesel in xXx Down Under Colon Crikey
that not many people are going to see your diamonds if you put them on the soles of your shoes
the Pope's movie reviews are considered infallible
spoiler alert
Vatican newspaper says Star Wars Colon The Force Awakens' villains are not evil enough
Yesterday's Enterprise
Farage intimates that kettle "boils very fast"
Farage complains of 'unpleasant black tone' to kettle
Welsh MP responds, "Cause bobe, yt is as moche to say as rostyd chese"
the gift of sex
Farage complains of 'unpleasant Nationalist tone' to Welsh politics
The bill does not assign a "dollar valuation" to the gift of sex
Lobbyists in Missouri who have sex with state lawmakers or their aides would have to disclose that activity to the state ethics commission, under a bill introduced this week by a Republican state representative
mondegreens don't have to make sense
Online shopper ordered a Kindle and was sent hospital patient's tumour sample instead
that doesn't make any sense
maiming bats with Matt Damon
drawing a picture of a bear giving the chariot to Leo DiCaprio and Matt Damon in Ted T Raped, Eh
wondering if there was a movie in which Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon, the two most inexplicable male sex symbols ever, starred opposite each other and then realizing, oh yeah, The Departed
for two minutes, I will tell only the truth, and so will you
Ultrasound scan showing a CHICK next to baby in womb leaves experts 'stumped'
Ultrasound scan showing a DUCK next to baby in womb leaves experts 'stumped'
A South Carolina woman who was convicted last year of clobbering a fellow strip club employee over the head with a stiletto shoe was arrested yesterday after she bit off the finger of a Walmart employee who tried to stop her from shoplifting condoms
Minutes after proposing to his girlfriend over the loudspeaker at Walmart, a Michigan man allegedly shoplifted a vibrator, an edible thong, and other sex toys from a nearby Spencer's gift store, according to police
spending an evening drinking Tropicana, watching Oz and the twentieth episode of season three of TNG for no reason
'The Movie Where Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon Get Raped by Starving Bears on Another Planet' Wins Musical Award at Golden Globes
Davie Jones with The King Bees
supbowie dot com
Future Black Swan class Sloop of war
introducing Maria Dickin to Myke Hawke
winning Good Dog at the World Dog Awards with seventeen Dickin Medals
red peppers, cocaine, and milk
Musician David Bowie Has Died at Sixty Nine
the death of David Bowie
Pokemon Money and Chips, cheerio
that all the weirdly off tone ads you get on your phone browser either have pictures of ten pound notes or of plates of fries for some reason
North Korea's Kim Jong un tells scientists to build butter nuclear weapons
North Korea's Kim Jong un tells scientists to build better nuclear weapons
'The Movie Where Matt Damon Starves on Another Planet' Wins Comedy Award at Golden Globes
'The Movie Where Leonardo DiCaprio Gets Raped by a Bear' Wins Drama Award at Golden Globes
an Emmy, in fact
awarding Emmy Rossum an award on a rostrum
A young teenage girl tries to help a small, purple colored, jive talking alligator escape from the clutches of a greedy carnival owner as well as as assortment of various characters so he can be reunited with his owner
Kento's bronze balls
Kento's silver spheres
Kento's golden globes
the Nobel Laureate Sir Lawrence Bragg pruning your hedges
swan tars wang theory
star wars ring theory
dociousaliexpilisticfragicalirupes
The recent harvest of an unusual mountain lion in southeastern Idaho has been generating a lot of interest and questions among media and the public
regret index greatest hits, where the horses work
regret index greatest hits, deep throating fudge
refusing to believe that "pushing my way to the front, when they keep the good stuff 'till last" is a more awesome regret than "patriotic stoner hugs" or "you get the picture" or "illustrating an article about a stick with a branch"
taking that personally
that the regret index was awesome once upon a time but those days are long gone
Mr Penn wrote that the drug lord ironically called Mr Trump "Mi Amigo!"
Grizzlepike Jones
Michel Roger Lafosse
Drug lord El Chapo met with Sean Paul while on the run from authorities colon Rolling Stone
You're Well Believed A Man Are Fly
half ye vow days
heavy flow charts
heavy flow days
Braffing the California girls
grilling the California kills
being pretty sure that Jack Angel had died decades ago, but it turning out that he's alive
seeing Jack Angel on that list and wondering when female to male transsexual porn stars started raking in so much cash
Harrison Ford celebrates by drinking bottle of mouthwash and passing out on the toilet
Harrison Ford Just Became the Drunkest Gross Actor in US Box Office History
not having anything against Cameron Diaz but seriously wondering how she became the highest grossing actress in US box office history
Harrison Ford Just Became the Highest Grossing Actor in US Box Office History
Ol' Cap, eh
El Chapo, cheerio
wondering why such a violent, hateful thug would want to meet El Chapo
Drug lord El Chapo met with Sean Penn while on the run from authorities colon Rolling Stone
consumption in excess of one's laxation threshold
Kento's xylitol brings all the boys to the yard
xylitol
cushion for the pushin
wondering what it is about Kento that elderly podcasters and Muslim holy men find so attractive
the Veil of Veronica
Kento's so gay that an Imam wants to marry him
I maim Palpatine, eh
I maim Palpatine, ha
mamihlapinatapei
Also found was a piece of paper with Arabic German translations of derogatory sexual terms
he likes sunsets, what more do you want
Kento's so gay he probably thinks this regret is about him
Kento's so gay that when he stands next to Uruguay people think they're twins
Kento's so gay that when he went swimming pirates mistook him for one of those gay party boats and boarded him to plunder his booty
Kento's so gay he keeps threatening to out Peter Tatchell
Kento's so gay that when he started going bareback three pharmacies and a latex factory went out of business
Kento was so gay that he was rejected as host of the Tony Awards for being overqualified
Kento's so gay that when he eats a hot dog he tries to cup its balls
Kento's so gay that when he had an earache he asked the doctor for a suppository
Kento's so gay he practices dropping the soap in the shower at home just in case he ever goes to prison
Kento's so gay that when he blew out his birthday candles he asked them to leave the money on the nightstand
Kento's so gay that Iman wants to marry him
Kento's so gay that the wind never blows around him because it feels inadequate
that also works as a "Kento's so fat" joke
Kento's so gay they had to bulldoze a wall for him to come out of the closet
Kento's so gay he stuffs capybaras up his ass
Kento's so gay that light bends around him
Kento's so gay he had to come out twice
Kento's so gay Diana Ross told him to dial it down
you really need to make up your mind about whether I'm on the list or off the list
I want to ethically fuck you like an animal
the murder of Lena al Qasem
Raqqa is Being Slaughtered Silently
China's bitcoin rival, Mao's e dong
His factory is full of Maos
Pokemon You Light Up Another Cigarette and I Pour the Wine
you light up another cigarette and I pour the wine
In my family's long history of warfare there was a time where just having the name 'MacGyver' was punishable by cancellation
In my family's long history of warfare there was a time where just having the name 'McGregor' was punishable by death
Is he a cock, or is he a prick, When he's underwater does he get wet, Or does the water get him instead, Nobody knows, Testicle Man
Testicle Man, Testicle Man, Doing the things a testicle can, What's he like, It's not important, Testicle Man
Testicle Swan
I'm not your guy, buddy
I'm not your buddy, friend
listen buddy, nightmare ARE twenty thousand feet
finding out that Richard Donner directed "PETA is Answered the Call"
finding out that Richard Donner directed "Nightmare are Twenty Thousand Feet"
correct
People for the Ethical Fucking of Animals
PEFA
watching a large, possibly morbidly oriental squirrel eat a Dorito
watching a large, possibly morbidly homosexual squirrel eat a Dorito
watching a large, possibly morbidly obese squirrel eat a Dorito
drawing a picture of the Golden State Warriors lining up to completely empty their overfull bladders on Zach Braff's dumb, dumb face
there's no trick to it, it's just a little trick
my eyes
Golden State
Testicles, Swan
wondering how much a market there would be for an indie romcom that includes a scene in which, say, Christina Ricci urinates on Zach Braff
Testicles, Man! I Feel Like A Woman
Testicles, Man
Testicles Man
PuckerButt Pepper Company
more testicles means more iron
more protein than beef does good for you
PETA is answered the call
more protein than beef does
good for you
I have had a golden shower before from a woman and it burned my eyes
vegan jerky
give us liberty or give us snacks
The militant cattle ranchers currently occupying Malheur National Wildlife Refuge have appealed for snacks, and PETA is answered the call with a hand delivered package of vegan jerky that contains more protein than beef does
Maine governor declares intention to take "Cracker State" title from Georgia
accursed normal sleeping hours
Kyrgyzstan deports Canadian miner after 'prone sis, eh' sausage joke
half the time they impregnate a young, white girl before they leave, which is a real sad thing, because then we have another issue we have to deal with down the road
the Boltzmann brain
Bentley's paradox
simply walking into the Russian Federation
Posts showed that the Ukrainian word for "the Russian Federation" appeared in Russian as "Mordor"
Kyrgyzstan deports Scottish miner after 'horse penis' sausage joke
Babypod, a speaker inserted into the vagina, launches with 'first concert for foetuses' as two thousand nine Eurovision song contest contender sings to pregnant women
Robert Melanson, a former peanut vendor at the Florida Mall, says he is a serious challenger to incumbent Orange County Commissioner Pete Clarke despite a criminal record that includes a conviction for trespassing on the roof of singer Rihanna's mansion
Coca Cola withdrew a cartoon map of Russia from the web on Wednesday, after managing to anger both Russians and Ukrainians by first excluding and then including Crimea in Russia's territory
feeling like vegetable sex is one of the few areas we have yet to touch on the regret index
I want to root you like a baga
I want to peel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like a vegetable
I want to fuck you like a minecraft server
I want to fuck you like a mineral
I want to fuck you like q mineral
'Le doggy bag' slow to catch on in France
police in Canada found a trail of destruction, liquor and mayonnaise at a Calgary home, eh
Donald Trump Says "China"
Mutual Aid Colon A Factor of Evolution
John Hurting Colon Hurting on the John
Kugelpanzer
hey guys, remember Sean Paul
Sean Paul being in your autosuggest
offering Sean Bean jelly
Sean Beaning
Jeremy Ironing
special colon contributions
A Boy and His Blob Colon Trouble on Blobolonia
John Hurting hurting on the john
the dog's snout, have you seen it
There should be no tolerance and compromise on this issue
Amazon is going to lose a drone, or a dog is going to lose a snout
the alien vs predator sensation of being terrible
one day, the rose tree flowered, and a white bird appeared
wanting to make Kento a fluffernutter for his birthday
that there's actually a wikipedia page for fluffer
the alien sensation of puking in bed before kimchee
the alien sensation of being in bed before midnight
How Sweden's 'most wanted man' brought a town together
#DamnDutchWormPanthro
#DrummondPanthroWatch
#letjohnlivehurt
#letjohnhurtlive
#DrummondPiddleWatch
#DrummondAppleWatch
#DrummondPoodleWatch
children, are looking the other way, they may step out into the road without seeing you
Roman Polanski International Airport
California Father Outraged After TSA Agent Frisked His Ten Year Old Daughter for Nearly Two Minutes Over a Capri Sun Colon 'I Felt Like Screaming'
lately you live in the jungle, I never see you alone
the biggest load of crap I've seen in my entire life
#DrummondPuddleWatch
down and outs in Paris Hilton
Cheeksqueek
tapping target creature
a homosexual person who has never slept with a member of the opposite sex
the chieftain of aggression, watching for a chance for attack on it with huge nukes of various types
H bomb of justice
being certain that there's a comic version of 'Raspberry Beret' about taking the hugest dump, involving flying out through the in door and dumps huger than the day before, but not being able to work it out
standing in the jungle feeling alright
"droog in bus fire"
"Disrobe for Gnu I"
"indoor firebugs"
"foreground ibis"
"fibroid surgeon"
eating that whole cake and puking in bed
Sprout Faced Blubbertarian Leonardo DiCaprio Only Dates Women Half His Age
Wrinkles the Clown
eating cake in bed
Fritz Cotylorhynchusdependency
Fritz Schnackenpfefferhausen
Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her
I'd have called them chazzwazzers
we call them ladyfingers, wikipedia is full of shit
actually really wanting to make tiramisu after randomly adding it as a regret a week ago, but really seriously not needing any more desserts right now
"boudoir fingers"
ladyfingers black mambazo
ladyfingers
the texture of a sponge cake is heavily influenced by the mixing technique
I feel like, at least according to the American parlance, what we call pound cake is a bit denser and heavier than what we call sponge cake, but they're more or less the same in taste
wondering who the hell eats four four pound cakes
seriously thinking pound cake must be some kind of gritty, heavy cake, or like a meatloaf for dogs or something, but nope, it's just a sponge
wondering who the hell eats a four EURO cake
hell cake
wondering who the hell eats a four pound cake
finally finding out what the hell pound cake is
Paris Hilton's pie kidneys
Paris Hilton's cake genitals
Facebook and other forums with the pigs
licking it up a crotch
kicking it up a notch
your boobs tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
baking Paris Hilton's toys away
I think I'm getting dumber, I can't even make anagrams enthusiastically now
not being able to make things left
winning the GOP POG Championship
Trump says Cruz's Canadian birth could be 'curvier soy rape' for GOP
Trump says Cruz's Canadian birth could be 'very precarious' for GOP
cotylorhynchusdependency
the amazing Regret Index has the highest Alexa ranking of any site on the internet that focuses on mainly making anagrams that include the word "rape" out of headlines
I've been working on a regret involving Kento being Eiffel Towered by genderswapped Toni Braxton and a cotylorhynchus that I'm sure is going to break the internet, but I can't get the wording quite right
with fresh hot content like Pom Tetty, Twitter's lead is sure to evaporate overnight
that twitter has over three hundred million active users, while the Regret Index has about two point zero five
that the amazing Regret Index is only two months younger than twitter
Pom Tetty
Facebook and other forums
the amazing Regret Index appears ready to retain its decade old two hundred and fifty five character limit on the length of regrets
Twitter appears ready to loosen its decade old restriction on the length of messages in a bid to make its service more appealing to a wider audience accustomed to the greater freedom offered by Facebook and other forums
with the pigs
drawing a picture of Donald Trump standing over a supine, naked, petrified Ted Cruz, who is covered in hot grits
a candidate who could be tied up in a cupboard for two years
a candidate who could be tied up in court for two years, eh
a candidate who could be tied up in court for two years
tricking a straight guy into dialing back Elmo
#letseanbeanlive
Castle Bravo
It is time for you to leave our community, go home to your families, and end this peacefully
Troublemaker Colon Surviving Hollywood and Scientology
WearWhitePeePullMeat dot com
WearWhitePeopleMeat dot com
WhereWhitePeopleMeet dot com
The cityscapes of Paris and London contain the Eiffel Tower and The London Eye as inside jokes about how you always expect to see them in movies set in the respective cities
Subaero Walruses
Supermarine Walruses
Someone asked what Facebook thinks of the storage of data and the protection of privacy
Meal Team Six
No shit it's not the Mexican border but that's what our country is going to look like
Xuseen Maxamed Faarax Caydiid
talking Myke Hawke down
the way Ewan McGregor always seems like he's about to bust out some showtunes whenever he talks in Myke Hawke Down
I get it
the way Ewan McGregor always seems like he's about to bust out some showtunes whenever he talks in Black Hawk Down
William Shakespeare beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
Chris Brown beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
and yam
Rob O'Cop
you can't get down from a black hawk, you can only get it from a goose
Anne Hathaway eats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
Anne Hathaway beats off the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
Anne Hathaway beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy
www dot pizzamarketplace dot com
getting a colon job from Kim Jong un and Kento in the dumpster behind Kum & Go while Tim Duncan pleasures himself in a tree
Kum & Kento Colon Where Ampersand Means More Police Arrest Masked, Costumed, Skeletal Pirate For Disturbance At Edinburgh Primary School
Kum & Kento Colon Where Ampersand Means More
Police Arrest Masked, Costumed, Skeletal Pirate For Disturbance At Edinburgh Primary School
one does not simply kum into Morego
prawn cocktail arayn brotherohods
Kum & Go Colon Where Ampersand Means More
piloting a candy filled boat in the canals of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, with a large papier mache head of Karl Marx on the prow
Police Arrest Masked, Costumed, Tattooed Man For Disturbance At Oklahoma Kum & Go
Skeleton under primary school in Edinburgh could have been a pirate
prawn cocktail bloosds
leaving, on a jet plane, don't know when you'll get bleached again
leaving Kodiak today
the way the top regrets only seem to randomize properly when you view the whole list
not being able to make things right but being kind of resigned to a certain amount of failure in life, what with not being superpowered and such
you have the power to know you're indestructible
stick some ads to that and it's gold
there, that's everything resolved in under twenty two minutes
I meaning you
I have nothing to make right
Myke So Called Hawke
Pokemon Rayanne's Slut Potential and Sharon's Large Breasts
raw cat piss porn click
prawn cocktail crisps
Everyone's love life gets screwed up by the school World Happiness Dance
stealing that girl's bresaola from the communal charcuterie
lose a bra
Rayanne's slut potential and Sharon's large breasts get mentioned on a Sophomore girls list made by some jocks
bresaola
drawing a picture of Chris Brown bottoming for the Rock in Rock Bottom VII
thinking that the only way Chris Brown could ever truly be a relevant news item again would be if, during a party in a Vegas hotel, he hit a woman named Rock Bottom
Chris Brown accused of 'punching woman in the face' after she took his photo during party in his Vegas hotel suite
the death of Anal Toe Lice
the death of Natalie Cole
Jasmine's still fifteen
Christoforeign Lydon
Jasmine's still the hottest
there's nothing that sort of snaps you out of a suicide impulse more than throwing up on a gun
Disney princesses, reimagined as cement mixers
Mir schoss zunaechst ein kleines Baertchen unter der Nase hervor, gleich danach wurde mein Scheitel strenger und mein rechter Hoden verabschiedete sich
in the great tradition of Da Da Da
I have repeatedly listened to the song with friends, but we are neither stronger nor more German
naked man wearing presidential mask
Party at the NSA
knowing the Foreign Lydon wouldn't even ask
wondering if the Foreign Lydon would have you
The Walking Dead in Memphis
The Walken Dead
The Walkin' Dead
getting Legionnaires' disease, I'm walkin' here
getting Legionnaires' disease
joining the Kento Legion
joining the Froyo Legion
bottoming for John Skinsack in Grosse Pointe Wank
exceeding the entry requirements
meeting the entry requirements
wondering if the Foreskin Legion would have you
bottoming for Peter Nippers in Loco Nipper XXL XL
Loco Nipper XXL
Prince Polo XXL
Al Gore's Credit Cheat
what kid doesn't love Candleja
Swan Gores Credit Cheat
meaning yours, not mine
your Foreign Legion gangbang fantasies
I wasn't sleeping, I just couldn't think of the proper response to your Foreign Legion gangbang fantasies
you're no fun when you're sleeping
well, maybe a little bit sexually, but only out of concern
you meaning me, but not sexually
wondering if the Foreign Legion would have you
killing a lot of mostly nameless guys who really deserved it
With so many strong arm types flooding the prairie, there are plenty of opportunities for violence, treachery and double crossing
Deep Down Colon A Jack Reacher
Jack Reacher Colon Never Go Back
Samantha Geimer
what kid doesn't love to fuck
what kid doesn't love tofu
really wanting a vegan hot kid right now
not being opposed to hot dogging a vegan right now
really wanting a vegan hot dog right now
Astrid och Apornas Spiseri
Denise Crosby Rape of Credit Score
butchering vegans
McDonald's Next
The first ever vegan butcher shop is opening in January
Foula
Swan Cheats Credit Score
Cosby Denies Rape of Credit Score
Man Cheats Credit Score
bottoming for Moreman Turtleneck in Circumcise Me
waking up thinking it was sunday but actually saturday with early closing but then it turning out to be friday
treating a straight guy into dating another straight guy
tricking a straight guy into wanging wellies with another straight guy
Cute Callus of Rape
Palaces of Culture
The world unzipped his pants in front of his lover
A photograph described as a dog that was burned saving a family from a house fire is actually a dog with a slice of ham on its face
that this regret was written at precisely twelve midnight January first two thousand and sixteen central time
the futility of trying to obtain truth through words
not necessarily
I don't even know if they have affordable swedish crap in alaska
more's the pity
I mean, I don't remember if you, meaning you rather than me, agreed to go to IKEA today or what, but that's because I can't remember things I never knew in the first place
you meaning me
not remembering if you agreed to go to IKEA today or what
briefly wondering who would win a fight between Sir Swan Swannery and Macho Swan Swandy Savage, and then remembering that Sir Swan Swannery only pecks women
haggis being Macho Swan Swandy Savage
haggis being
Macho Swan Swandy Savage
Feed a Swan is a rap album by wrestler Randy Gavage
guessing that Hulk Hogan's fear of contracting a social disease from Randy Savage was well founded
Colin Farrell, the Irish Ryan Reynolds
Hot diggity damn Hulk I'm glad you set it off
I knew all along you had those tendencies
Dancin' in tights as a ballerina
I'm a kick ya in the butt and wash your mouth out with soap
you've been runnin' from Macho like I got a disease
I'll punk ya butt out for the world to see
I smell a coward mmmm is that you Hogan
Eat a Man is a rap album by wrestler Randy Savage
Roman Polanski's rape career
randy savages' rape career
Randy Savage's rap career
The Asylum Presents Indecent Exposure
Indecent Exposure
Authorities in China Arrest Eleven in Deadly Landslide
'Star Trek Colon Voyager' Actress Jennifer Lien Arrested for Indecent Exposure
a delicious treat that comes in either holeless doughnut form or pie form, it consists of a slightly sweet breadlike substance topped with chocolate cream and filled with a custard
four hours from now
wondering when I should have happy new year'd you
electroplating your coins and pens at a thousand kph
wondering what the contingency for hyperloop will be in case of something actually heavy getting into the canister, like an unexpected coin or some pens
thinking that it can't possibly be economical to wang wellies almost thirteen thousand kilometres between arcologies for a day shift
once we get Elon Musk's hyperloop constructed I will
not through the centre of the earth
I commute eight thousand kilometers from Kodiak to Paris every day
thinking that it can't possibly be economical to ship workers almost thirteen thousand kilometres between arcologies for a day shift
Colin Farrell using Pharrell's colon as a foul cowl
Avvai Shanmughi
casu marzu
being kind of disappointed that there is no disputation of the neutrality of Switzerland's wikipedia article
wanging the wellies in Mexico
willie wanking
Nazi Megastructures
wellie wanging
haggis eating
tinga de pollo
haggis hurling
asian pulled pork tacos
being a minimalist Kento turtles your boobs buying food on ebay tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
tricking a straight guy into Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
Wombwell's Travelling Imagipormium and Great American Steakery
Wombwell's Travelling Menagerie
the inept and useless Chancellor of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland
the corrupt and ruthless Chancellor of the United Federation of Britain
happy new year
whaling rumpus
walrushumping
whalehumping
he sings the whale songs that remind him of the good times, he sings the whale songs that remind him of the best times
tubthump whales
humpback whales
Turtle Island
PERFIDIOUS Albion
chin teats
Albion
Francia
that's nice
I understood that reference
Burrita Winter
Johnny Depp plays a Cornish pasty
asian commission
fat commission
gay commission
Burrito Ortega
Ortega makes my cat poop
Ortega makes my taco pop
straight commission
Pope Francis Grabs Young Chorister's Crotch in Attempt to Show Paparazzo What He Really Thinks
Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks Tells That He's Likes Hung Young Choristers in the Ass
Pope Tells That He's Likes Hung Young Choristers in the Ass
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He Sings Like an Ass
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He Sings Like a Mule
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He's Hung Like a Donkey
Pope Tells Young Choristers That He Sings Like a Donkey
the network is on an internet
the frenchiest french guys who ever frenched
being so old you can remember your sister as a young teen telling you that you couldn't understand Edward Scissorhands because it was too intellectual for your boy mind
Roll your eyes at the world's least inspired casting choice as Johnny Depp plays a pasty weirdo
XOR in Jugs Rape Incident
not in Jugs Rape Incident
not in Jupiter Ascending
Sean Bean dies in every movie
Baby's First Bacon
poo dosing info
'food' sign in poo
food poisoning
playing Dungeons & Dragons with dense rape vise
a hunky thief with no home, no parents, and no nipples
Holy Roller! Catholic priest delivers ass on HOVERBOARD
One person attends O'Dirge event in Iowa
Sarmoetkwaw
the hill tops fuck in the Michael Bay for the night
Holy Roll Over! Catholic priest delivers mass in YOUR ASS
they're so noisy
the hill tops fuck in the bay for the night
the hill tops tuck in the bay for the night
Holy Roller! Catholic priest delivers mass on HOVERBOARD
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Colon Mutants In Manhattan
smugly snuggling gun smuggling gnus
Gnus, gnus, gnus, I don't like them snug
Guns, guns, guns, I don't like them guns
One person attends O'Malley event in Iowa
Pokemon Orange and Teal
'Glee' Star Mark Salling Arrested For Possession Of Child Pornography
Farty Cloud
orange and teal
Cloudy Fart
Carl of Duty
he had suffered a stroke while on stage and Mantecore responded by picking him up and moving him out of the way to try to protect him, accidentally severing his artery in the process
Pokemon Siegfried and Roy
Called the Magic in the Community project, it allows a group of students to be transported for weekly lessons from their destitute homes in the Cape Flats to the fantasy fulfilling world of the college
David Cameron has been reported to police as a "war criminal" by a trio of enchanted independence campaigners for authorising air strikes in Sarmoti
dating a French guy who looked like Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
Janice Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele
fart in a meeting
Farting Scene In The Movie Rocketman
dipping lady's fingers in coffee
that you just made tiramisu the day after Christmas
having a girlfriend that looks like a less busty Ken Jennings
alleging she, Tonya Couch, shit on your couch
tiramisu
like the deserts miss the rain
The world can't get enough of an abusive relationship between a slightly neurotic frog and a vain pig
I believe in me, I believe in you, and you know I believe in love
brandishing your severed penis plus five
Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn't, didn't already have
all we have ever wanted, all we will ever need
singing "I love rock and roll, so Eiffel Tower Kento with a walrus, baby"
a chance to find a phoenix for the flame
sweaty cave ravers
Ken Jennings
also the bit right after that I guess
I totally didn't notice
Honest Trailers Thor Colon The Dark World
men playing two flutes at the same time
David Cameron has been reported to police as a "war criminal" by a trio of Scottish independence campaigners for authorising air strikes in Syria
The Top lO Exerted Chilling Poop Films
Metal Ovoid Mourns Loss of Her Play Wolf
The holy grail of exploding helicopter films, a sacred text against which all other movies must be judged, Rambo III has no peer in the genre
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Play Wolf
The Top lO Exploding Helicopter Films
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Kid Wolf
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Kid Spawn
Demi Lovato Mourns Loss of Her Dog Spawn
Michael Jackson's search for the fabled city of Paedorado
Michael Jackson Paedorade "Is It In You" Commercial Outtakes!
sleeping for like TWELVE AND A HALF hours
sleeping for like twelve hours
Emerson is an activist lobster who befriends Sierra, much to Larry's dismay
that part in a Michael Bay movie where he rewires anal carcass
she circles over and sings
the eagle opens her wings
Dog named Trigger accidentally shoots owner in the foot
Thunderstools
Feel the magic, hear the roar, Thundercats are loose
Thundercats are on the move, Thundercats are loose
Knights of the Roundtable Colon King Arthur
bottoming for Michael Bay and Leonardo da Vinci in Aerial Screws VII
that part in a Michael Bay movie where an aerial screw crashes
actually kind of wanting Michael Bay to make a movie about Leonardo da Vinci
that part in a Michael Bay movie where a helicopter crashes
that part in a Michael Bay movie where one thing flies into something and then after a delay out of the other side of the thing it has flown into, which is usually a building
cleaning Myke Lox
bottoming for Myke Ox in Doctors Without Boundaries VII
Myke Ox chins doctors
toxic cock syndrome
VENOMOUS shock syndrome
sexy chick dot morons
toxic shock syndrome
so she is
Tooth Giant Rachel Stevens is five foot three, by the way
having your teeth pulled out by Tooth Giant Rachel Stevens' surprisingly weak fingers
witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds drawing a picture of Kento being Sarmoti Towered by fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
drawing a picture of Kento having his teeth snapped out of his mouth by fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
drawing a picture of Kento being Sarmoti Towered by fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
Powerful godlike beings, from a mysterious realm known as New Endland, have seized the magical powers of Sarmoti's fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds, wicked pissah
Endland swings like a pendulum do, Mantecore
Powerful godlike beings, from a mysterious realm known as Endland, have seized the magical powers of Sarmoti's fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds, cheerio
Powerful godlike beings, from a mysterious realm known as Endland, have seized the magical powers of Sarmoti's fairies, witches, giants, wizards and enchanted creatures of all kinds
In the timeless, mystical world of Sarmoti, all real magic has been stolen
you gonna feel like a damn fool laying at the hospital dying of nothing
the Butthole Surfers said it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do
Butthole Surfers have a well reported appetite for recreational drugs, an evident influence on their sound
Pokemon Platitudinous Rut and Inhumanly Strong Fingers
Twelve Inch Rachel Stevens' platitudinous rut
she had a pretty face that drove me wild and inhumanly strong fingers
she had a pretty face that drove me wild
this place is always such a mess, sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
Pokemon Engage and Destroy
Gym leader claims that he will 'fuck Psyduck to death'
Pokemon Duck and Cover
Pokemon Fuck and Duck
NPR host claims that he will 'fuck Donald Duck to death'
Pokemon Childless Existence, and Embittered, Introverted Lifestyle
NPR host claims that he will 'fuck Donald Trump to death'
being designated babysitter because of your single status, childless existence, and embittered, introverted lifestyle
Bleeding Anus Murphy
Sixty Two Inch Rachel Stevenses
Sixty Two Inch Rachel Stevens
NPR Host claims his 'schlong' is better than Donald Trump's
Twelve Inch Rachel Stevens
platitudinous rut
scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the garamantes
industrial output
giving away eWalrusThongs dot com
The 'Charlie Brown Christmas Special' Dancers You Most Want To Party With
getting almost a good night's sleep for the first time in days
she was tearing your teeth out with puckish glee and her inhumanly strong fingers the whole time
still, I got to bang Rachel Stevens, while you had to suck off half ton Ryanna Gosling
drawing a picture of Sexy Tooth Fairy Rachel Stevens wearing nothing but an impish smile, magic wand, and a bloody necklace made from the teeth and jawbone fragments of the Cocksure American Regrettor Who Does Some Kind of Teaching Job in Denmark
drawing a picture of the Racist British Bandit being Eiffel Towered by genderswapped Fatworld Ryan Gosling and some kind of goose walrus hybrid
Sid Meier's Civilization III Colon Conquests
Garamantes
vastly overestimating the pinniped lingerie online distribution market
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of Sylvia Browne trope
nude walrus thong thong fluid
Steve Harvey jokes about Miss Universe mishap as he wishes everyone 'Merry Easter'
eWalrusThongs
Nutria Chronicle, Eh
The Walrus Song
Charlie the Unicorn
the annual hagiography of Firm Thatcher Ass
Daily Mail readers
we managed without Europe after world war two when we had nothing but our global empire and our trade base and our industrial output
the annual hagiography of Thatcher
Pokemon Back and Forth
back and forth forever
spooring Jewel's butt
Police say he remains at large
A man fled from a St Paul adult sex shop Wednesday night after pointing a pistol at a clerk's head demanding a working penis pump, the Pioneer Press reports
spooning Jewel's butt
Christensenthrophy
Christmanthrophy
Breasts are out, butts are in
I'm not a chick
realizing that we could make out this year
realizing that we could make it to llOK this year
Ace Ventura, Address Detective
Christmas card addressed to "Ruth England" reaches right person thanks to Myke Hawke's "address detectives"
Christmas card addressed to "England" reaches right person thanks to Royal Mail's "address detectives"
bottoming for Beef Blastbody in The Fissure King VII
you've got to admit it's a pretty sweet cleavage
that Two Broke Girls makes a joke about Kat Dennings's huge boobs like once every four minutes
dreaming about a fish that tilted its head to get a better look at things
The Penis Movie
Mauve Tot Penis, Eh
The Peanuts Movie
UK Detains 'Ginger Terrorist' Who Plotted to Kill Prince Charles and Make Redhead Harry King
Manhunter Colon New York
Santa's sleigh shot down over Turkish airspace
HOT Fudge Rape
don't bring fudge back
Cold Fudge Rape
Puddle of Grace
Amy Jo Johnson as Brianna "Bree" Chapman
Magma Colon Volcanic Disaster Geldof
Magma Colon Volcanic Disaster
Swansquito
Manspreado
Mansquito
Effin Anus Dildo Geldof
arresting a burger in its own White Castle
marrying Peppa Pig off to the King of White Castle
marrying Pippa Middleton off to the King of White Castle
a Crave Case
Time labelled the White Castle slider the most influential burger of all time
I wish you were a duck
Hollis Vernon Grap Stamper
Le Canyon de Pussy est un des canyon prefere de Canyoning Savoie
fourth, fifth, and sixth generation Cousin Jacks circulated a petition calling on the mineowners to set the knockers free
Effin Anus Dildo
Effin cheese is made in the local Effin creamery
reckoning you could get to Anus easily from Paris
In the sixteenth century, Anus had its own seigneur
the entrance to Dildo Arm in the bottom of Trinity Bay
Dildo Island
Star Wars colon spoilers
He claimed his friend threatened to shoot first
Man jailed for threatening to shoot a Facebook friend over 'Star Wars' spoilers
Jazzy Bi Keg Girl
Leonid, a hedonistic vampire Lord
licking Jim Gordon's ass
Big Jake Grizzly
While trying to escape hunters, Hank the Yeti finds himself befriending a American family in a big city
the testicle of an aged, bearded man frantically playing the spoons to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
the spectacle of an aged, bearded man frantically spooning Jewel's boobs to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
the spectacle of an aged, bearded man frantically Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
the spectacle of an aged, bearded man frantically playing the spoons to the tune of Michael Jackson's 'Jam'
that apparently performing cunnlingus on Kat Dennings would require watching BOTH Thor movies, which is a commitment I'd rather not make
Secret Polish gingerbread recipe found after seventy years
The Day the Clown Cried
Visiting St Herman's Semenary
trying to use StarMunchers to gague how much Kat Dennings is worth, but finding only "Brian Eno" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
the Danish girl who looks like Bruce Dickinson
a commonplace NY way of saying 'I'm walkin' here'
a commonplace NY way of saying 'I lost big time'
Kento's watch
Kento's wallet
Kento's testicles
Kento's spectacles
Kento's front bacon
Kento's back bacon
Kento's speculum
Kento's baculum
Kento's back cum
Kento's comeback
Kento twink viewing
Go bear viewing
Visiting Jewel Beach on the Coast Guard base
Seeing every species of crab at Alaska Division of Fish & Game building
Visiting the ferry dock when the ferry is in
Visiting St Herman's Seminary
shows you've heard people discuss but never felt inclined to watch
uh Boba, rood eht so heeck
az di bobe volt gehatn beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
narishkeit
the "mysterious object" is what is known as a "gilded Isis Beamer"
may I see them
the actress
the actress or your girlfriend
being away from your girlfriend and watching a terrible sitcom starring an actress who looks a lot like your girlfriend except she has colossal breasts
even the boy in the bubble had a deck of cards
male coifs
Also Known As Colon Santa's Sex Slave
post coifs
mail coifs
No, you don't get severance pay! Would you like me to tuck you girls in at night too
A Christmas Carl
wondering if anyone has ever made a porn version of A Christmas Carol
being filled with humbug, bah!
late nights getting ready for an event you kind of loathe
drawing a picture of Kento being heigh ho'd by harry wicket and a yarrup while a gawker bird looks on
Demi Moore's northern flicker poo
Demi Moore's flickr poo
The US is stopping British citizens going on holiday
A twenty one year old man has been arrested as part of a cybercrime investigation into computer hacking at children's electronic toymaker VTech
Sanrio Fixes Security Hole That Exposed Info of Millions of Hello Kitty Fans
Jimmy Johnson Extenze Commercial
smashing your mouth in the car door
HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN HOW'D IT GET STOLEN
Nicolas Cage Agrees to Return Stolen Dinosaur Skull to Mongolia
Star Wars Cast Sings "Save Tiny Ali"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Italy Navies"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Yeast Anvil I"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Anal Ivy Site"
Star Wars Cast Ironically Sings "Stayin' Alive"
Star Wars Cast Sings "Stayin' Alive"
finding out after twenty eight years that you didn't have an imagination after all
finding out twenty eight years later that you didn't imagine the car crushing scene from Superman IV, but that it was cut from the film to make the scenes of Milton Keynes more prominent
Bahamian authorities shut down Lenny Kravitz's dental practice after Rihanna tweets about it
Bahamian authorities shut down Smash Mouth's dental practice
I want no tooth decay, I want no tooooooth, decaaaay, yeeaaah, yeeaah
really wanting to know how much Lenny Kravitz branded his dental charity with himself, like was there a twenty foot billboard of just his head on the front
immersing yourself in the memoirs of Olly Murs
Bahamian authorities shut down Lenny Kravitz's dental practice
Donald Trump used vulgar language as he attacked Hillary Clinton during a rally on Monday night, saying it was "disgusting" to talk about her using the restroom during the latest Democratic debate and that she was "schlonged" by a male political opponent
Pokemon Miss Philippians and Miss Columbia
Anthony Bourdain Colon First Come First Served
Anthony Bourdain Colon No Reservations
The Donald
wondering who the hell outside of South America actually gives a flying fuck about Miss Universe
Police advised the woman to call back if she heard the chanting again
Myke Ruffalo
watching most of Mark Ruffalo's movies without any prior knowledge of events and getting about thirty minutes into them before starting to wonder "okay, when is he going to threaten to eat a mouse"
watching Foxcatcher without any prior knowledge of the events it describes and getting about thirty minutes into it before starting to wonder "okay, when are these guys going to have sex"
Anthony Bourdain Colon Parts Unknown
everything has ulterior motives
nothing is nice
finding out from a letters page someone you vaguely knew fifteen years ago survived cancer in the interim and sending them a message at midnight to basically say "well dun i creepin on u", if couched in different terms
Liquid Electrons
guessing that it's good that Windows X removed all the shit you had to install to make up for the shortcomings of Windows VII, but still being a little irritated by the mass uninstallation
saying "thee, nay!"
Everything else is fucked
We've got some new features to get excited about
The police are on the way
All your files are exactly where you left them
We've updated your PC
Hi
Count Poodoo
Where Do We Go from Here Colon Chaos or Community
yeah, actually fuck Miss Corinthians
not emphatically
I want to apologize to Miss CORINTHIANS and Miss CHALLENGER
I want to apologize emphatically to Miss Philippians and Miss Columbia
Ofeibea Quist Arcton has caught more diseases eating taco than everybody who went to Chipotle this year
Lakshmi Singh has driven more chariots than Ben Hur
Jeremy Hobson has had more organ meat in him than a Scotsman in heaven
Steve Inskeep has licked more chocolate than Paula Deen
the Kitchen Sisters have started more trios than Brahms
Eleanor Beardsley has brushed more dome than Michaelangelo
the Midnight Toker
the Smoker
the Joker
Grant Morrison's graphic novel Arkham Asylum suggests that the Joker's mental state is in fact a previously unprecedented form of "super sanity," a form of ultra sensory perception
that was a good time
remembering that it was this time last year that we did the "NPR Ppersonalities have lots of sex" thing
speak for yourself, I'm super positively sane
wondering why we are so insane
ew, loonbreast, eh
nose the owlbear
nose the Rear bowl
ear the Rose Bowl
Quality Inn Pasadena, ear the Rose Bowl, closed due to ongoing investigation
Abrams announces Star Wars vs Star Trek movie, Hamill announces release of Abrams' family
wondering how many Disney financed blow jobs it will take to get JJ Abrams to direct Star Wars vs Star Trek Colon Just Give Us Your Money
bullseyeing glory holes not much bigger than ten centimetres across in your Tsixteen back home
discovering the Bajoran Glory Hole in Star Trek Colon Deep Face IX
it'll take your word for it, but if you're trying to trick me so help me I will find you and hurt you
they're not hard to figure out
not knowing a great deal about glory holes
guessing there are parts of London where any given glory hole has a greater than even chance of having George Michael on the other side
Andrew Ridgely for his pleasure
guessing that Andrew Ridgeley would be a good candidate for StarMunchers
having seen Attack the Block and being quite impressed
A swan under cover but you tore me apart, HOO HOO
Wham's Last Christmas
life's no illusion love's not a dream
Star Wars IX Colon Pig in the City
having never played an Anal Fantasy game
really hoping that Star Wars IX has an extended cut of the famous "Bea Arthur's digital ghost dancing with a vacuum cleaner" scene
Hayden Christmasen
really hoping that at least one of the several dozen Star Wars films to be released over the next decade references Life Day or Bea Arthur's character
topping for Hayden Christensen in Christmas in the Star an uncountable number of times
having heard "Christmas in the Star" all the way through an uncountable number of times
bottoming for Suckheroff in Anal Fantasy VII
having read the first book but it was for a class
having seen the first three Harry Potter films
having never played a Final Fantasy game
still not having seen or read any of the Harry Potter films or books
I'll give you one guess as to who was flying
drawing a picture of Aeris, Dumbledore, and Han Solo dying when their small chartered plane crashes in Iowa
not really caring
not knowing anything about the new Star Wars beyond the very basic character introductions in that one trailer you saw
not really knowing much about the plot of the new Star Wars but knowing there's a Death Star and wondering who the fuck keeps coming up with the idea for the moon sized space station with an easily exploitable Achilles' heel
swanderpants
Cornrow Hood, Jedi Knight
Swan dies
Finland's MOULIN ROUGE
wanting to write "Finland's Chicago, da Polar Bears" but realizing there are no wild polar bears in Finland and the streets are paved with gold
wanting to write "Finland's Chicago, da Polar Bears" but realizing there are no wild polar bears in Finland
Finland's Chicago
Facing the Greedo's conundrum, I felt like I could shoot first, but nothing happened every time I tried
Tubethumping
Han slept first
MEP MEP
An MEP from Denmark's centre right ruling party has defected in protest at government plans to seize valuables from refugees to help fund their stay in the country
tinie tempeh chow mein handies
A former prime minister of Qatar has been accused of running a landmark London hotel and doing business deals worth hundreds of millions of pounds while claiming diplomatic immunity under the Vienna convention
Cornrow Hood
tempeh chow mein handies
mein handies
Sand, Eh I
Han dies
The UK is pushing for a weakening of air pollution limits and a delay to their introduction in response to lobbying from the motor industry, documents reveal
A Clockwork Douchebag
having to update the kindle app because it needs additional permission to teach you the meaning of Christmas with three ghosts and endless lame offers for crap you don't want or need
sometimes wondering "why me, why am I always single" but then bam, there it is like clockwork, it's because you're a douche
actually sounding like a douche in all possible realities
me, not you
hoping that you not only sound like a total douche seven days from now but are proven to be one by events yet to unfold
kind of dreading the inevitable flood of Star Wars merchandise you will receive this year from relatives who long ago stopped caring enough to know what you're really interested in
flying back to Kodiak tomorrow and knowing that your family is going to make you go and see Star Wars
Negola dewaghi Eiffel Tower
Negola dewaghi wool dugger
having seen that movie like ten times and never once known the guy's first name was Quarsh
Quarsh Panaka
four years of opposition from Hasbro Design Director Brian Wilk
In Mos Eisley, if you're a blue collar repulsorlift mechanic just looking for a tallbeing of Tarkin High Life, you're a rare exception to the crowd of bounty hunters, assassins, and walrus faced assholes boasting the death sentence on twelve systems
Willrow Hood
counterweight jeans
counterfeit jeans
grosse peoplee blank
gross people
I ain't missing you at all
le vegan dicks, hon
being randomly given a sachet of Kool Aid
Colin's dank veg, eh
halving cone desk
having clone desk
having cold knees
Night Trap III Weekend At Christensen's
Night Trap II starring Haley Joel Osment
what they should do with stray dogs is euthanise them and ferment the carcasses into pooch hooch
not being sure that all the pooches playing Cliff Richard songs are aware that he is still under investigation
blasting tunes into kennels
Sir Cliff Richard hit keeps Birmingham Dogs' Home pooches calm this Christmas
Chibi cops Colon Man ejaculated on woman inside Joban Line
Asian parlor in Yokohama employed sixteen year old boy
taking the longest poooooooooooo
Fat parlor in Yokohama employed sixteen year old boy
Gay parlor in Yokohama employed sixteen year old boy
Chiba cops Colon Man ejaculated on woman inside Joban Line
wondering what it's like for Haley Joel Osment to surf the web and see that "Cute Child Stars Turn Into Ugly Adults" clickbait with his picture on it
Mr Big Red Dog, currently under Federal investigation for three counts of aggravated step standing, claims that it was clearly a case of mistaken identity
Mew World Order Colon Siberian City Backs Cat for Mayor
not being sure that all the stores playing Clifford the Big Red Dog songs are aware that he is still under investigation
not being sure that all the stores playing Cliff Richard songs are aware that he is still under investigation
poooooooooooo
Try Cans, Eh
Henry's Cat
you super smart
Cat smeared with dog poo in Swindon attack
two greedy relatives have it in for the dog, as they scheme to take over the manor!
Star Trek Colon Movie Memories
Star Trek Colon Memories
Doohan was known for his accessibility and gracious attitude to Star Trek fans unlike some of the other cast members who tended to consider them obsessive and an annoyance
Jefferies tubes
eight episodes per season
twelve Peppers pepping
two turtle turtles
a partridge in a rape tree
three French hens who look like Janice Dickinson
buying that electric pokeprod and shock collar for nothing
pokemon sex, lies and videotape
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have to teach it
that if Pokemon were real you would teach a Mr Mime to make obscene gestures
Pokemon Sex, Lies and Videotape
Pokemon Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics
guessing that it's intended to highlight how little certain sections of the voting public actually understand of the geopolitics they profess to have solid opinions on
not wanting to sound like you're defending Republicans in general or Trump supporters specifically, but wondering why it is that saying you support bombing a fictional Disney town makes you stupid, but saying you oppose bombing it makes you super smart
Prison Waging
Raping Sign, Ow
your little furry pal, Grower
Ripsaw Noggin
Wiping Organs
Organ Swiping
Andrew Koenig, son of actor Walter Koenig, is best known for his role of "Boner" on Pawing Groins
Wringing Soap
Grasping Wino
Grower Cleveland
Groaning Wisp
Andrew Koenig, son of actor Walter Koenig, is best known for his role of "Grower" on Boning Pains
Gorwing Pains
'Boner' found dead in Canada
"Boner" on Growing Pains, I hardly know 'er
Andrew Koenig, son of actor Walter Koenig, is best known for his role of "Boner" on Growing Pains
Auntie Fee Live Stream
Dana Plato's terrifyingly fake imdb smile
undercover SCAT agent Kelly, or Kelli, Medd
Penn State, the game where elderly men watch teenage boys through hidden cameras to protect them
Riding the Buns With Myke Hawke
Night Trap, the game where teenage boys watch women through hidden cameras to protect them
I've just been robbed by the girl who played Kimberly on Diff'rent Strokes
Boy cider Danny
wondering how many unique words appear in Butthumping but not enough to bother counting
Pissing knocked drinks
Scar praises Donald Trump as 'bright and talented'
Riding the Cosmic Double Donged Dildo With My Sister
not wanting the world to Cena because you don't think that AND HIS NAME IS
Republican primary voters were polled this week on their support for Republican candidates and foreign policy issues including banning Muslims from entering the US, Japanese internment camps from the second world war and bombing Agrabah
colonDRYVRS
Fido Dido
Riding the Bus With My Sister What Looks Like a Cosmic, Double Donged Dildo
the odds against Christmas being Christmas are three hundred and sixty five to one
Riding My Sister With The Bus
wondering how many unique words appear in Tubthumping but not enough to bother counting
not wanting the world to see you because you don't think that they'd understand
Dido
Riding the Bus With Myke Hawke
Riding the Bus With My Sister
what looks like a cosmic, double donged dildo
wondering why one's true love would give one eight maids a milking and a shit ton of birds, but no mammals for the maids to milk
no problem with the latest news from the London Stock Market For the best of the Crown Estate is a great way to get the latest news and sport headlines you want to be
"I can tell by his hair!" a man shouted, and they all hoisted their cellphones
what looks like a cosmic, double bladed lightsaber
ayant un ane de pain garni
having a bread lined ass
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rape nineteen boys
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rent nineteen boys
that canned baby poop looks like asparagus
insulting Turkish leadership
Whatever Happened to the Curious Cans of Baby Jane
Roman Polanski colon 'I wish I had thought of that'
Saudi millionaire who 'accidentally tripped and penetrated teen' cleared of rape
Vladimir Putin said the Turkish leadership had decided to 'lick the Americans in a certain place'
Trumputin
This Phone Ad Shows You How To Turn Your Penis Into A Lightsaber
A nineteen year old Providence man charged with stealing an SUV and ramming it into a police cruiser told police "he just wanted to get out of Rhode Island"
all those times in the prequels when Palpatine groomed Anakin because he was a conduit for unlimited power
all those times in the prequels when Palpatine talked about how talented and amazing Anakin was despite the fact that he was basically an impotent whining crybaby who only killed the weak and defenseless
The Comrade
he is an absolute leader of the presidential race
There is no doubt that he is a very bright and talented man
Pope Francis, Reminding That Salvation Is Free, Warns Against Fraudsters
The Law Offices of Loadmaster, Loadmaster, and Assmaster
shitting day and night taking the hugest dump
shitting day in night
shitting day and night
bottoming for Sting, Bryan Adams, and Rod Stewart in Anal Ass Stinger Trio Systems VII
shitting day for night
Pokemon Peppa Pig and the City of Gods
Peppa Pig and the City of Gods
Peppa Pig Into Darkness
Peppa Pig joins with Spielberg for new film venture
anal ass stinger trio systems
regional ass transit systems
jerk is the derivative of acceleration
Assmaster and Commander Colon The Far Side of the World
Gerald McBoing Boing
Briton disappears in Thailand after telling parents 'man won't let me leave'
Go Ikeda's dog Go Dog Go joined Instagram
boffing a bathing boffin
some Master Loadmasters choose to employ a double rigging on Kento's sigmoid colon which eliminates the need for the Assmaster, but significantly increases drag and reduces maneuverability
Kento's ass can operate with a crew of three including a Master Loadmaster, Loadmaster, and Assmaster, or with a skeleton crew of just one spooky skeleton
rotation
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers into the men's room
Pokemon Toothy English Grin and Yank Smile
Pokemon Penis Like Head and Very Tall Legs
Pokemon Huge Pussy and A Boring Person
Study Finds Toothy English Grins Match Yank Smiles, Cheerio, I'm Walkin' Here
touching Kento
A solicitor representing a man who bared his buttocks to police officers during public order disturbances earlier this year has told a court the actions of his client were reminiscent of a scene from the film Braveheart
Sean Connery's bitch Joan Connery admitted to hospital because "she was asking for it"
George Lucas's dog Indiana joined Instagram
Kim Kardashian barfing her son's tite herb
Kim Kardashian eating her son's afterbirth
Jizzieland Dix, Chancellor of the New Republic
not being oracles
Jizzieland Dix
a girl that appears to be hot, until you get closer
A loser, goes to bed early, doesn't party or drink much, usually a huge pussy and a boring person
The Closer is a tall creature with ball like hands, a seizuring and penis like head, and very tall legs almost pointy
Usually pretty boring people considering they always have a significant other
Someone who ends all group chats or social events when they show up because nobody likes them
not wanting to fuck me like an animal
Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them
When I stand across from King Hussein of Jordan, I say to him, 'You have a friend again, sir, who will stand with you to fight this fight,' he'll change his mind
Canadian Prosecutors Charge Man With Tattoo of Damp Cat, Eh
German Prosecutors Charge Man With Tattoo of Death Camp
actually, now that you think about, it is kind of surprising that less than nine percent of all the guys who have fucked Kento follow him on twitter
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers on Twitter
not being a closer
Dixieland Jizz
Kim Jong un eating his dog after son's birth
Kim Jong un's dog Kim Jong yum joined Instagram
URANUS Nashing Kento
Kim Kardashian's dog Kim Alsatian joined Instagram
Pluto Nashing Kento
Buckaroo Banzaiing Kento
bazukaing Kento
On the attack in debate, Jeb Bush brands Trump the 'chaos candidate,' vows 'by the Divine Light of the Queen of the Tower of Umbr'iela' to banish him 'back to the foul pit of Drach, home of the undead king Da'agath'or'
still expecting Donald Trump to fuck 'em all to death
On the attack in debate, Jeb Bush brands Trump
bazookaing Kento
On the attack in debate, Jeb Bush brands Trump the 'chaos candidate'
Goya's "La famewhore desnuda" breaks the internet
Goya's "Kardashian Devouring Her Son"
Kim Kardashian eating her son after son's birth
Kim Kardashian eating her placenta after son's birth
Florida man David Marsh, sixty eight, allegedly rode his bike across Lakeland while wearing a French maid outfit and a chastity belt so he could be dominated
The first tip off for Toronto police that the alleged emailed threat to schools there and in Saskatoon today may not be real was that it seemed remarkably similar to a plot line of the Meowshit TV program "Almond, Eh", eh
The Latest Colon Snowplow slips in Colorado during strong storm
The first tip off for New York City police that the alleged emailed threat to schools there and in Los Angeles today may not be real was that it seemed remarkably similar to a plot line of the Showtime TV program "Homeland"
wondering how many people are walking around right now unaware that they have a bifurcated colon
All schools in the vast Los Angeles Unified School District, the nation's second largest, have been ordered closed due to an electronic threat Tuesday, one extra large sausage pizza, ma'am
listening to "The Day After Tomorrow" from Annie II Colon Resurgence
Chicago, Chicago, I love ya, Chicago
briefly confusing "Tomorrow" from the musical Annie, which you probably have seen but don't remember, with the signature theme from the musical Chicago, which you still haven't seen
Electronic Threat Tuesday
A preschool teacher who claimed to have been attacked by a masked assailant invoking Islamic State made up the story, French prosecutors said Monday
Leading Thai seafood boss colon AP shrimp probe 'wake up call'
Die Hard with a Vengeance is a nineteenninetyfive American action film and the third in the Die Hard film series
All schools in the vast Los Angeles Unified School District, the nation's second largest, have been ordered closed due to an electronic threat Tuesday
Luke Brastealer
Disneyland Jizz Band
the bra don't work cuz the vandals took it from the communal laundry room
Bra Vandal Sand Clot
Bland Anal Scrod Vat
Starland Vocal Band
the monstrous whores of Twilight feasting on skinless breasts
the monstrous whores of Twilight
feasting on skinless breasts
Gwyneth Panthro
the monstrous twilight of ours
Flak Bait
skinning Jewel's boobs
boob diving for Jewel
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after oral intercourse
skin diving for jewels
George Lucas has arrived at #TheForceAwakens premiere and is digitally inserting himself into selfies he believes should have contained him
George Lucas has arrived at #TheForceAwakens premiere and is taking selfies with fans
I told you that "snarf" was a terrible safeword, it just made him hornier
In a case brought in a Thai military court, the worker, Thanakorn Siripaiboon, was charged with making a "sarcastic" Internet post related to the king's pet
when I'd wake up with a sore botty and those distinctive short blue hairs in my mouth
I used to think the Panthro stuff was going too far
imagining a literal knot, tied with a bow
even I'm actually surprised at how quickly that happened
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after intercourse
this is the worst thing I have ever begun
drawing a picture of Kento rolling over onto his back to let Chris Lydon scratch his belly
thinking about how many Vietnam veterans had flashbacks when #JeSuisCharlie started trending
#JeSuisDesole
drawing a picture of Kento eating dog food without a care in the world
je suis desole
I know that we've both written regrets that are much, much worse than that one, but for some reason it kind of made me sick to read it
Chris Lydon's dog Kento Ikeda joined Instagram
Donald Trump's cruel anal lab Ronald Trump joined Instagram
having an idea for a short story about an buttbuttination attempt on Hitler by his gastroenterologist during his colonoscopy
eating a Kento
being a Kento
having an idea for a short story about an assassination attempt on Hitler by his gastroenterologist during his colonoscopy
Colon Trump, MD
Trump's doctor colon Trump
I think that's a very reasonable question at this point for a journalist to ask colon Has he had a colonoscopy
Trump's doctor colon Trump 'will be healthiest individual ever elected' president
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a fat man
knowing what to believe
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a gay man
this things I believe
hearing from the internet that a TNG reboot is in the works and not knowing what to believe
Patrick Stewart at unbent TV folktale
Danas are hold kissers
Patrick Stewart at event of Blunt Talk
Foxes are thrill killers
Pokemon Chitlins and Grits
Pokemon VI and I
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon dropping a kunfu fist on Kento
finding it hard to believe that Michael Smiley has never played James VI and I
"arm wrestling" with Chris "The Machine" Lydon
that Kento's armor is Hardcock, and his Virtue is Gay
finding a charming map on wikipedia that appears to be a ten year old girl's social studies homework
Patrick Stewart, Earl of Orkney, Lord of Zetland
James VI and I
Irish megalithic tombs
bottoming for Sean Connery in Sex in the Shitter VII
Sean Connery puts the sex in Sex in the City
Sean Connery puts the sex in idiotic simian SS nuts sex orgy
Sean Connery puts the dinosaur in sexist, misogynistic dinosaur
Sean Connery puts the sex in sexist, misogynistic dinosaur
maype its' becaudse your not gettingg enouhg slepe
Long Haired, Half Chinease Sexist, Misogynistic Dinousaurs in the House
holy shit I am not typign well tonight
Sexist, Misogynistic Dinousaurs in the House
Dinosaur Sex in the House
Desperate Sex in the SENATE
Desperate Sex in the House
still thinking Sex in the City was Sex and the City and Sex and the City was Sex in the City
Sex in the City
always mixing up Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives in your head, perhaps because you've never seen either of them
Lydon Green is made of people
feeling strange looking at a kitchen in which you know actual slaves are proven to have been working at the time
not wanting to catch slavery by proxy
finding the YouTube channel of someone you were at school with who became a chef, and being interested in learning from his recipes, but at the same time being very aware that he was convicted of human trafficking a few years after the last video went up
Christopher Lydon is not people
he thinks he's people
Christopher Lydon's dog Fiststuffer Lydon joined Instagram
Gene Hunt's dog Won't Hunt joined Instagram
I'm a little curious of you in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope
eating a dildo of live yogurt in one week
I'm a little curious of you in crowded scenes
eating a kilo of live yogurt in one week
trickle down electricity
The Richest Women In The World May Shock You
I realized he was only using lyrics from grateful dead songs
I actually think my vagina had tented from so much arousal by that point it was a fucking circus tent with clowns bicycling around juggling in circles and laughing at me
National Day of Lydons
National Day of Johns
Ice cream parlors of the city and fruit stores combined, largely run by foreigners, are the places where scores of girls have taken their first step downward
licking coffee mayo off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
COFFEE Mayo
OJ Mayo
Ron Howard's dog Ron Bowwow'd joined Instagram
he's India's answer to Brian Dennehy
Corey Feldman's dog Corey Felddog joined Instagram
crap teas
eats crap
cap rates
Dom Hanks and Gary Fisher in The Burbs II Colon Arf Arf Bark
Tom Hanks's dog Dom Hanks joined Instagram
wondering if Tom Hanks has a list of non celebrities he's allowed to bang
wondering if Tom Hanks would rather be stimulated by his clone or a time traveling version of himself
tricking a Tom Hanks into simulating another Tom Hanks
What Makes Tom Hanks Look Like Tom Hanks
hey guys, remember Vans
riding around on a dog solving mysteries with your Vans
Adam, I Wish I Was Your Driver
wanting to piledrive Adam Driver for Christmas
Son Of A Bitch, I Wish I'd Signed Your Yearbook
Motherfucker, I Wish We Were BFFs
No Objections Here
Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
backseat drivers
piledriving home for Christmas
Adam Driver home for Christmas
paternal leakage
stupid babies need the most attention
driving home for Christmas
I Am Big Bird
just now realising that the invention of the tricorder will be paid for by the Daily Mail as part of its quest for ever more intrusive pictures of celebrities
saying "a baby" instead of "a stupid baby" and not realising until a week later
suspecting that Adam Driver's career will follow a similar trajectory to Hayden Christensen's, which means we can look forward to him starring in Battlecreek Colon Episode I in about a decade killing fairies with Carrie Fisher
torsional tabernacles
blistering barnacles
trying to use imdb to gague how much Adam Driver is worth, but finding only "boy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars, boy for sale, who will buy my boy
driving around in a van solving mysteries with your dog
having sexist, misogynist dinosaur sex with agent fiftyseven
a cosmetic surgeon who uses hypnotism in his practice
sexist, misogynist dinosaurs
Boy Colon Tales of Childhood
X Men Colon Apocalypse
being a minimalist Kento
They have two children, daughter Lyric and son Zephyr
StarMunchers Colon The Next Generation
suspecting that Adam Driver's career will follow a similar trajectory to Hayden Christensen's, which means we can look forward to him starring in Battlecreek Colon Episode I in about a decade
killing fairies with Carrie Fisher
trying to use imdb to gague how much Adam Driver is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
Hayden Christensen's dog Rhayden Rhristerhen joined Instagram
kissing fairies with Carrie Fisher
having literally no idea who Adam Driver was until this evening and being unable to gauge the general veracity of his statements
piledriving Adam Driver to the levee but the levee was dry
driving Adam Driver to the levee but the levee was dry
talking to Adam Driver because he's the only one here
Caught on camera colon Adam Driver confronts Uber driver
Caught on camera colon Taxi driver confronts Uber driver
Mark Hamill's dog Bark Grrhowll joined Instagram
Billy Dee Williams's dog Willy Wee Williams joined Instagram
Adam Driver's dog Saddam Driver joined Instagram
driving a colon dam into Adam Driver's colon
driving Adam Driver to a dam and forecfully awakening his colon
driving Adam Driver
'Star Wars' Colon Adam Driver Says 'Force Awakens' Is Superior to the Prequels
dreaming that you were SHARING A DRINK THEY CALL LONELINESS
that time Kento got chocolate milk from a bull
dreaming that you were drinking alone
trippin your DK into a frenzy of rap play
his coconut gun, can fire in spurts, if he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt
enslaving a colon for Panthro, snarf
shaving a colon for Snarf, snarf
shaving a colon for a larf
having a colon for a straw
having a colon
your boobs dating another straight guy
drawing a picture of David Duchovny and Mitch Pileggi braiding their penises together in a relaxing bath
SKINNER's right hand is not visible and the water in his tub starts moving as he talks
having a straw for a colon
Isolated marriages between first cousins do not carry a serious risk of birth defects
The Anatomy of Grimace
MULDER's right hand is not visible and the water in his tub starts moving as she talks
Actress Left With 'Turkey Shoulder' After Makeup Goes Wrong
Zombie Left With 'Actress Breasts' After Makeup Goes Wrong
Actress Left With 'Zombie Breasts' After Surgery Goes Wrong
Zombies appear in US oilfields as crude plumbs new lows
I knew I shouldn't have changed my number
because that's pretty impressive for a dog, even if he can't always spell his name correctly
wondering if the one who was sending you all those texts was actually Gary Fisher
wondering, when Carrie Fisher calls her dog, if she just says "Gary! Gary!" or if she actually uses his full name, like "Gary Robert Fisher, come here this instant!"
Carrie Fisher's attorney Gary Fisher joined Instagram
BIG RED dogging Gary Fisher
finding the name "Gary Fisher" so hilarious in context that you kind of wish StarMunchers, which to be clear is a vile concept, were a real thing
medium sized reddish dogging Gary Fisher
"paedophile", it emerged yesterday
dogging Gary Fisher
it must be a tough time for Sikh paediatricians now
Self styled vigilantes attacked the home of a hospital paediatrician after apparently confusing her professional title with the word "paedophile", it emerged yesterday
he totally has one, he filled a party balloon with hydrogen and then he walks up behind you and puts a lighter to it and it pops and it is really startling
North Korean Leader's Claim of Hydrogen Bomb Draws Skepticism
A Sikh temple in California was vandalized by someone who mistook it for a mosque
NOW it's funny
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen singing "all I want for Christensen is some impersonal oral relief" as his skeptical roommate signs him up to another annual StarMunchers subscription
Christensen
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen singing "all I want for Christmas is some impersonal oral relief" as his skeptical roommate signs him up to another annual StarMunchers subscription
in a jar
A woman on Twinktrap Road reported that a bat had been sitting outside on her potato plant for the entire morning, refusing to leave
Donald, it was a movie
A Martin in Beagle City couldn't find his woman
quarrying a fissure with Carrie Fisher
Trump's Dubai real estate partner strips his image, name from luxury golf project site
Carrie Fister
Carrie Fisher's fish Gary Dogger joined Instagram
needing a new Johnson rod
A casino runner in Kalispell reported that a fatigued man was in the bathroom for an extended period of time and when he finally came out he was drenched in sweat
riding the Tuber from Bigfork to Hungry Horse
Muslim forced off Tuber after Hungry Horse woman complained he used iPad 'suspiciously'
licking ringed ice cream
clicking magic reindeer
All I Want For Christmas Is You Chatroulette Version
The man was informed that nothing illegal had occurred
The ad was for a massage therapist
A drunken man found what he thought was an ad for prostitution on Craigslist
A drunken Hungry Horse woman reported that one of her friends, who was also intoxicated, pulled her hair
all I want for Christmas is you
She decided to take matters into her own hands and put the bat in a jar
A woman on Beartrap Road reported that a bat had been sitting outside on her tomato plant for the entire morning, refusing to leave
A woman in Martin City couldn't find her beagle
An old beagle was seen dragging a chain through Coram
A yappy Chihuahua was seen prancing down Willow Glen Drive
A goat on Willow Glen Drive might be thirsty
A Kings Way resident called in to discuss ongoing dog related issues in his neighborhood
coming down from your fences
the Brown Dog affair
Sister Act X Colon Item Rape Habits
ten item OR LESS rape habits
the death of Trany Thug
ten item rape habits
intemperate habits
aloha, a Hawaiian dressed waitress, aloha
a Hawaiian dressed waitress
I got in my car and loaded a few things up to get on the ferry to go to France to shoot myself
the death of Thuy Trang
smurfisting Smurf Ikeda
smurfing with Gargamel in the pale moonlight
smurfing a smurf in the smurf village just to smurf him smurf
Princess Leia Slave Pet Costume
Star Wars Slave Leia Car Decal
Smurphie Smurfer's smurf Smurfy Smurfer smurfed Smurfagram
Smurfist Smurfish Smurf
Racist British Smurf
Minimalist Smurf
Trannie Hooker Smurf
Podcaster Smurf
you cannot deny that smurf equals smurf
Objectivist Smurf
Finance Smurf
Gun Rights Smurf
watching a smurf crime drama performed in smurf but set in the smurf village in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled smurf gumshoe is paid in smurf
Mujahideen Smurf
tricking a straight smurf into smurfing another straight smurf
StarSmurfers
smurfing her left one until she had a smurfgasm
smurfing a king in his own palace
smurfing Brian Peppers
reading regrets in Papa Smurf's voice
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a smurfing from the Police Smurf on the reality of smurfing Smurf Village
The Smurf Menage
The Smurf Menace
Gun rights groups, in protest at Texas campus, plan mock mass shooting
Carrie Fisher's dog Gary Fisher joined Instagram
Fakir Smurf
being a stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking lactating cum herder
spending five minutes trying to work out how old Des O'Connor's youngest child is now to give yourself some kind of timeframe into which you can fit raising children and not be considered too old
trying to unit lactating cum herder sex
trying to unit curt carnal midget sex, eh
that "the Mexican drug cartels" has so many great anagrams, I'm not even going to bother writing any more
trying to unit glitter cum sex canard, eh
trying to SI unit the Mexican drug cartels
trying to unit the Mexican drug cartels
El Coca and teen rape are stronger than any dispute
a dustbin of history like quality
peace and tolerance are stronger than any dispute
bottoming for Tim Cock in Violation of EULA VII
iPad user forced off Tube after commuter complained he used iPad 'in violation of EULA'
Muslim forced off YouTube after commuter complained he used iPad 'suspiciously'
Muslim forced off Tube after commuter complained he used iPad 'suspiciously'
Opportunistic Predator and Living Symbol of America Attacked by Bald Eagle
Fugu fish colon risky Japanese delicacy English version
in the shadow of these black suburban hills
finding out that you're rotting garbage from the amazing Regret Index
the special edition of Red Tails contains a deleted scene in which Major Stance tells Smoky to get into the "garbage chute, flyboy" before pushing him out of a plane with a sack of garbage strapped to his back
fuck you, George Lucas, for teaching me that everything in the world is rotting garbage
honestly wishing you could go back to the time in your life when anything could make you as excited as that crisp made that kid
Giant Crisp Found in a packet of McCoys crisps, damn it Jim, I'm a doctor not a potato peeler!
Giant Crisp Found in a packet of McCoys crisps!
Nemo me impune lacessit, amicus
seeing "mommy" licking Santa Claus underneath the dumpster lid last night
what a laugh it would have been if daddy had walked in and Eiffel Towered mom with Santa Claus last night
Katie Price Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Stranded Syrians
sharing a restroom with Larry David and Richard Lewis and nearly having an altercation with David after catching them looking at your penis while urinating
I saw Mommy killing Santa Claus
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on CigarSlits
wondering why the flushed, donkey sauce covered head of Steve Harwell shows up under Guy Fieri
bottoming for Rear Admiral Christopher Lydon in Salty Seamen of the Bottom Navy VII
wondering why the severed, shaving cream covered head of Steve Harwell shows up under Guy Fieri
Bottom Navy rear admiral promoted after wandering Florida hotel drunk and naked
Pokemon Drunk and Naked
wondering why the severed, shaving cream covered head of Steve Harwell shows up under "Guy Fieri cake"
Bottom Navy rear admiral fired after wandering Florida hotel drunk and naked
in the top navy
image searching Guy Fieri cake
wearing a Guy Fieri mask
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on Craigslist
The woman was discovered in her bed, naked from the waist down and flanking a sex toy in Aveiro, a town just south of Porto, Portugal
sandy sin retards can go fuck themselves, though
Sad Dinner Satyrs need love too
Top Navy admiral fired after wandering Florida hotel drunk and naked
Jordan Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Sad Dinner Satyrs
Jordan Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Sandy Sin Retards
he's just one man
Jordan Is Asked to Admit Thousands of Stranded Syrians
Trump to visit majority Muslim kingdom of Montell Jordan at end of month, after anti Muslim remarks, this is how we do it
that'll be fun
Trump to visit majority Muslim kingdom of Jordan at end of month, after anti Muslim remarks
Jim West vs Predator
Antipantisocracy
Kim West, raped dose
North By North West
Saint West, bibimus
having your sanity tested by Saint West
Smeagols of Precious Metal
Beagles of Death Metal
wishing that Eagles of Death Metal really did only perform death metal covers of Eagles songs
being out fencing riders
being out riding fences
Now I must put her behind to the test, can you feel me
Kim West, desperado
My activities to push back against climate extremism are a labor of love, to defend the cherished ideals of science that have been so corrupted by the climate change cult
drawing a picture of Roman Polanski squatting down on a thirteen year old towbar
Boston College says eighty students ill after eating at Chipotle, wicked pissah, wicked shittah
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a briefing from the Met Police on the reality of policing London
bullseyeing Jackson C Frank's eyes in your Tsixteen when you were a kid
KINGS Taylor Coleridge
Bears have apologised for shitting in the woods, after the Pope was found to be wearing a hat
The Sun has apologised for a story that claimed a reporter had travelled from Turkey to France without showing his passport, after admitting the information was fabricated
Pantisocracy
Samuel Coleridge Taylor
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
UM's Jake Butt named Big Ten's tight end of the year
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Brutal Girthy Hole' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using warm bacon rape TV
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using campervan towbar
Bears DO shit in the woods, according to online Manchester Tinder experiment, Pope's religion still unconfirmed
Women with bigger breasts DO attract more attention, according to online Manchester Tinder experiment
I'm A Celebrity id raper slit sparks complaints
celebrity spiders on trial
I'm A Celebrity spider trial sparks complaints
Rome Colon Total War Colon Barbarian Invasion
Pokemon Ebony and Ivory On a Grisly Violinlike Instrument Whose Strings Are Made From the Penises of James Avery, Reginald VelJohnson, Ewan McGregor, and Liam Neeson
pitying the fool only the corect amount, no more, no less
pitying only the correct amount, no more, no less
Stonehenge stones 'spent centuries erected in Wales' before being transported
Shitty band you'd never heard of a month ago to open for shitty band you've heard too much about at concert in overpitied city to air on overhyped television network
Eagles of Death Metal play at Utwo's HBO concert in Paris
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Really Tough Birth' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source
You don't need to go back to the Hanukkah story to see the horrific results of religious persecution
Mykel Shannon Jenkins
Mykelti Williamson
comedy trouble
serious trouble
feeling like Esperantists meritas suferi
feeling like Esperantists deserve to suffer
twinning your penis in a blast colon
electroplating your penis in a blast furnace
twining your penis in a blast colon
WINNING your penis in a blast colon
losing your penis in a blast colon
exasperated Esperantists
First soldier to receive penis transplant after losing organ in blast colon "It's no longer possible to masturbate"
when life looks like easy street there is danger at your door
Though the film is admired for its stark artistry, Esperantists generally cringe at the actors' poor pronunciation
Bud Weisser arrested for trespassing at Budweiser brewery
The recently married brother of rapper Nicki Minaj has been charged with raping a child on Long Island
A Florida woman thought she got away from a hit and run, until her own car called the cops
Star Wars producer confirms Jar Jar Binks will not appear in The Force Awakens
Doug Ellis here with Hezbollah
Flags of Our Mothers
that was how Meg Wyllie's platoon was killed on Iwo Jima
pantsless battlefield cheese smoking accidents account for thirty percent of all modern war casualties
First soldier to receive penis transplant after losing organ in blast smoking cheese
First soldier to receive penis transplant after losing organ in blast
smoking cheese
balling Jewel's Melons Sans Frontieres
spooning Jewel's Melons Sans Frontieres
Melons Sans Frontieres
Medecins Sans Fursonas
Doctors Without Fursonas
terrorists with fursonas
Farfour is then taken to an interrogation where he is "beaten to death by an actor posing as an Israeli official trying to buy Farfour's land" because Farfour had called him a "despicable terrorist"
I'm calling on all children to read more and more to prepare for exams because the Jews don't want us to learn
Farfour the mouse
Hamas used a Bugs Bunny look alike to indoctrinate children by inciting them toward hatred and violence by telling children that he 'will finish off the Jews and eat them'
The Dutch are the least likely to wash their hands with soap and water after using the toilet
A Turkish court appointed five 'Lord of the Rings' experts to figure out whether this Gollum meme is offensive
From the Halls of MontezumaTo the shores of Tripoli, and then there's Maude
Estelle Getty Was A Trophy Ear Taking D Day Veteran
Rue McClanahan Was A Bear Wrestling Able Seaman
Luke Kronerpayer
When you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do, Rose
and if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say "semper fi"
Luke Leftonesucker
Bea Arthur Was A Truck Driving Marine, Oorah
A Florida woman is jailed on a felony charge after she placed a fake online dating ad in the name of another woman who purportedly sought men to come to her house and rape her as part of a "role play" activity, police report
We've both been blowing off Peter all day colon he's really boring
Luke Jedireturner
sand in the clowns
Luke Straightguydater
loaning your ozner to a dishonest loneozner
#YouAintNoMuslimBruv
one does not imply walks into Mordor
one does not skip my wall into Mordor
one does not simply wank into Mordor
ooh, oy, ooh, oy
on the Snopes of Mount Doom
Luke Hugedumper
Luke Peppersmeeter
Luke Starmuncher
Luke Jewelspooner
Luke Breastgasmer
Luke Beekeeper
Laze "Fixer" Loneozner
Janek "Tank" Sunber
Luke Cornholer
Luke Sandhater
Camie Loneozner
Luke Starkiller
finding Biggs Darklighter's mother redlinked on wookieepedia and being shocked that nobody has seen it necessary to write hundreds of pages of backstory to such a vital character
Luke Darklighter
Luke Lars
going loco down in Kento's a hole
being all but quirky in Albuquerque
Demi Moo's poo house
'I've killed once and I'll kill again,' Harrison Ford speaks about dead man found in hot shit tank
Dixon of Dock Green Poop
drawing a picture of Walter C "Wally" Pfister wall to wall fisting Wall E through a wall when you were a kid
Walter C "Wally" Pfister
Dixon Hill
Category colon Things that sound dirty but they aren't
Dixon of Dock Green
cornholing May C Williams in the eye when you were a kid
having seen Biggles Colon Adventures in Time but having never seen Free Willy
expensive willy
cornholing Maisie Williams
free willy
the truth is we ran out of time
having never feared Maisie Williams before just now
having never seen Maisie Williams before just now
having never spoken of Maisie Williams before just now
imagining Kento's disappointment
It apparently doesn't smell so you won't walk around all day with the smell of bull sperm all over your hair
Bull Semen Hair Treatment
having never heard of Maisie Williams before just now
the sterile albino Graboid dubbed "El Kento" consumed an ass
the sterile albino Graboid dubbed "El Kento" consumed an ass blaster in Tremors III
the sterile albino Graboid dubbed "El Blanco" consumed an ass blaster in Tremors III
Tremors V Colon Bloodlines
having an idea for a Hugh Jackman guest spot on The Simpsons where Bart calls Moe's Tavern and Moe thinks it's a prank call so he threatens to soddomize Bart and then Barney burps
singing "don't stab me now, I'm having such a good time, don't stab me at all"
not understanding the big deal with Maisie Williams
not being stabbed
not stabbing anybody
You ain't no Muslim, bruv, and by the way, screw you MB
You ain't no Muslim, bruv
fortunately
I cannot conceive of such a thing
drawing a picture of Jeb Bush whupping Hillary Clinton in the oval office, if you know what I mean
drawing a picture of Jeb Bush whupping Hillary Clinton in the Oval Office
'Whup' Hillary Clinton
having seen Merlin's Apprentice but having never seen Forrest Gump
drawing a picture of Mr Snuffleupagus shoving his foot up Kento's ass but nobody believes it because they can't see him
Forrest Gump
Watch Jeb Bush's Soul Leave His Body After He Promises to 'Whup' Kermit the Frog or Lizard or Something
Watch Jeb Bush's Soul Leave His Body After He Promises to 'Whup' Hillary Clinton
Kermit the Frog or Lizard or Something
Snuffy's performer, Martin P Robinson, revealed that Snuffy was finally introduced to the main human cast mainly due to a string of high profile and sometimes graphic stories of pedophilia and sexual abuse of children
Chipotle Refuses To Take the 'Diarrhea Burrito' Off Its Menu
Nineteen inch Earthworm Li Zhiwei, a forestry worker in China
earthwormli
Star Wars Chill Kento R
possible snuff dvds
Star Wars kitchen roll
Trump would impregnate terrorists and skip town before their daddies found out, if elected
Political candidate basically brags that he intends to break the law if elected
Donald Trump won't say what he would do to terrorists in this country because it would get him in "trouble"
you name it, Kento's had it up his ass
again, that's what I meant
an elephant's foot
that's what I meant
using an actual foot
the very notion that Kento's back door has enough resistance left to be kicked in
what they told the people in Truth or Consequences was going to happen
wanting to kick Kento's back door in for his birthday
kicking a po' cockapoo's poo with a kickapoo and a kakapo
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this kimchee up in bed twenty minutes ago" moment
Han Solo's "hot shit tank ad" moment
Stephen Fry up the good old Street, London for you guys
moving a film
filming a movie
just going ahead and trumping if that's what you want to do
it still feeling like a done deal
Han Solo's "that's kinda hot" moment
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this guy out the window twenty years ago" moment
if you will not turn to the dark side, then perhaps you love sand and you want to marry sand and have babies with sand
i had enough of these politicseses
attack of the toys
you rebel's cum
you rebel scum
misreading "going into puberty" as "I'm going to eat pussy"
sand and more sand for the forest moon
Luke never even asks about his mother
looking for science
just now noticing that you can totally see Leia's underwear under the loincloth in a couple of shots
the emperor is not as forgiving as I am, he has a sandy vagina, I have felt it
you may dispense with the pleasantries, commander, this station is filled with sand and you are a prick
the Lenny Henrypede
segmenting Lenny Henry
Stephen Fry and Sir Elton John visit pivotal moments in history as they compete for the title of Most Wonderful Time Travel Queer
ITV News has apologised for using footage of Ainsley Harriott in a segment about Lenny Henry receiving a knighthood
probably being some kind of pervert, but at least not being Jude Law
doing that thing where an attractive person walks towards you on the street and you think it would be nice to talk to them, but then you both just walk on by, and then you wistfully appreciate the scent of them as they pass
Anatid Skyquacker
Balsamization
Icelandic State
Balsamic State
Islamic State agents from Syria 'in Thailand to target Russians' after Rihanna tweets about them
Islamic State agents from Syria 'in Thailand to target Russians'
getting riddled with bullets
getting riddled
My name is Cortana, my first is in oceans but not in seas, my last is in Canadians and horses but not in Mounties
My name is Cortana, my first rule of thumb, I don't say where I'm going, or where I'm coming from
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen awkwardly expressing his feelings for Charlie Dimmock by touching her boob with his sand covered hand
shocking evidence implicates Hayden Christensen as true perpetrator of the Sandy Hook massacre
Sanded Ground Force
grounded Sand Force
he had spoken to coworkers about how to hide a body in an abandoned mineshaft in isolated desert of western Utah
flying Air Vice
Air Vice Marshall Helen Baxendale
bottoming for King George V and Tsar Nicholas II in Crown Jewels VII
Sexual contact between adult identical twins is a niche in gay pornography
In The Empire Strikes Back, Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia have an extended kiss while Luke recuperates on the Planet Hoth, though neither of them is aware that they are siblings at the time
it's kind of hot
Leia just keeps kissing Luke all through the movie
spooning the Queen's Jewels
Cambridge Lovers Knot Tiara
Portrait of Maria Pavlovna of Russia wearing the Vladimir Tiara, now in the British royal collection
The Queen's Jewels, if you know what I mean
Pokemon Joyeuse and Durendal
The Queen's Jewels
My name is Cortana, of the same steel and temper as Joyeuse and Durendal
particulate grain size matters not
He is usually depicted as a stout, middle aged, country dwelling, jolly, matter of fact man
wondering if the Skywalker hatred of sand extends to silt filled swamps, or it is just confined to dry sand deserts
always with you what cannot be done, hear you nothing that I say, sand ears
Rear Admiral David Schwimmer
could those ships BE any blacker
Commodore Matthew Perry
Ranald MacDonald
Myke Hawke Pierce
Shoelace Von Hitlerpants
Tayyeep Bin Ardogan
Ibn Falafel Ali Shawarma
It is meat boner for a Trill dike, eh
It is a meat dirk for the Rebellion
thinking that Obi Wan really should have given Luke the edge on Vader by renaming him Luke Sandlicker
everybody has got sand in their eyes
It is a dark time for the Rebellion
Panthropologising
Panthropology
putting a bio on a bat baby's boob
Panthromime
feeling like you're going to have to write a pantomime just to use the line "putting a bio on a bat baby's boob"
feeling like you're going to have to write a pantomime just to use the line "putting a bib on a bobby's taboo"
For Hooky Radiohead's 'Anal Computer Trios'
when you're smiling and the whole world smiles with you
"sluts", "careerists", "wide boys", "cult followers" and "willy goblins"
wondering how you would react if your cats just took a shit in your toilet
Xenokeryx amidalae
wondering how your cats would react if you just took a shit in their litter box
wanting to make Kento a urinal cake for his birthday
All women of Killeen and Belton are vipers!
An Oral History Of Radiohead's 'OK Computer'
birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, Kento's gotta Kento
I'm not really sure what you expected of me
that's racist
wanting to give Kento a Chinese burn on Cockburn Island for his birthday
with good cause
Cockburn Island being uninhabited
it's only four here
Gregory Watson
Cockburn Island
well, you did just have that breakfast six hours ago
being awake at four thirty in the morning
mazinashkwemaganjiganan
King George V and his physically similar cousin Tsar Nicholas II of Russia in German military uniforms in Berlin before the war
If You Know Not Me, You Know Nobody
bottoming for Henry V in Henry VI's Part I VII
wondering if hypothetical historical monarch gay orgy porn is an actual subgenre
bottoming for Henry VIII in Henry VII while in Henry VI
bottoming for Henry VIII in Henry VII
it was Henry VII
bottoming for Henry VIII in whatever movie that was where he was a rapist
topping for Peter Noone in Henry VIII
Noone is raped by a twink in The Revenant
Twinks are promiscuous when seeking a mate and will murder for sex
no one is raped by a twink in The Revenant
Hugh Glass
He added his opinion that in countries like America sexual crimes 'are no big deal' to women
A Saudi Arabian historian tried to justify his nation's ban on female drivers by saying that they might get raped if their cars break down
Bears are promiscuous when seeking a mate and will murder for sex
breaking new ground
Best Picture Twenty Sixteen
hey guys, remember that bear rape scene in The Revenant
There is clearly no rape scene with a bear
no one is raped by a bear in The Revenant
a fun gook gum
Kung Fu Magoo
removing their homes and visiting people in their own suits
visiting people in their own homes and removing their suits
removing their suits and visiting people in their own homes
I shake his little booty like that, I gently rock him
the memo suggests, for example, that candidates "change the look" by removing their suits and visiting people in their own homes
Shivving Christs' Mass
Ugly Renaissance Babies
suggesting you add Kirk Cameron's Shaving Christ's Mass to your list of shitty movies to watch
Baby Jesus With Muscles
the death of Sandy Berger
DICKS MEET A SLUT COLON RAPE
dropping your load at the first sign of an Imperial starship
you will never find a sandier sandpit of sand and sandiness
DRAMATIC SKELETON CLOSEUP
twying to fwiten us wif youw sowcewew's ways
the plans you referta will soon biback in our hands
putting the Christ back in Christian
Shitlord just isn't really in the Shitmas mood this year
eating breakfast at ten pm
Christian just isn't really in the Christmas mood this year
suspiciously tall wookiees
boiling fennel for breakfast
Last I checked, God made the Winter Solstice
seriously considering watching the Home Alone movies for your next binge, including the shitty one with the guy from IIIrd Rock From the Sun
that wizard's just a sandy old man
Left Behind II Colon Tribulation Force
suspiciously tall Jawas
suggesting you add Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas to your list of shitty movies to watch
two elves enter, one elf leaves
VPSG
Genie
Daniel Henninger said that the push against Christmas is leading us to a "Mad Max" type environment
There Goes Christmas
never telling me why it had to be snakes
lO Most Shocking Ketchup Confessions
playing essentially the same character for forty years
Butt Slut Walking
Butt Slut Shaming
the War on Butt Slut
wearing essentially the same outfit for forty years
Harrison Ford Colon My 'Star Wars' character now stuck up, half witted, nerf herding, and has an earring
Roman Polanski's Kentotown
Harrison Ford Colon My 'Star Wars' character now more complex
forgetting it, Chris, it's Kento Town
Kento Town station
Man 'pushed under' Lydon Tube train at Keno Town station
Man 'pushed under' London Tube train at Kentish Town station
the War on Christmas
Jaime Robert Klegerman
JVNA
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Meat Loaf and a Huacaya alpaca
I want to help your company avoid the image of being a problem in peoples' lives and back to being a company that brings important and fun things to them
it has become clear to us that there was not a sufficient level of transparency with regard to the company's involvement with the Global Energy Balance Network
Horse Riding Bicycle Woman
His Horse Is Hungry
Intoxicated Horse Woman
Hungry Hungry Horse Woman
Intoxicated Hungry Horse Woman
somebody I never met but in a way I know didn't think that you could get so much from a picture show
yeah I'm retorted
we talk about waffles all the time, it's j#ffles that is verboten
that the new comments don't index on google
wait, was the covenant for waffles or the other thing
Daaaaaamn, His Horse Be Craaaazy!
HOW BLOODY DARE YOU
NO NO YOU WILL NOT BREAK THE COVENANT
the Lakota have a hundred words for waffles, but no word for breastgasm
Drinks Water in Mexico
Waffletastic Turtle
Medium Sized, Reddish Dog
Hungry Horse Woman
Butt Slut
Chapped Teats
White Cow Woman
Brigham Young made Stout head of the "Whistling and Whittling Brigade," a group of young boys who intimidated strangers by following them around Nauvoo "whistling" until they left
Rattling Blanket Woman
They Are Afraid Of Her
Looks At It
Good Looking Woman
His Horse Is Crazy
Pokemon Egg Rapists and Belt Boots
Pokemon Bootleggers and Baptists
cuckservatives
joy to the world, do as you're told, or there will be forfeits
Pokemon Questions and Commands
It is common for the participants to kiss, make out, and be sexual, but participants may instead choose to talk, engage in some other usually quiet activity, or do nothing at all
Creativity, embarrassment tolerance
nothing says Christmas like enforced dominance and servitude
A Christmas game, in which the commander bids his subjects to answer a question which is asked
a mensa et thoro
liberty cabbage
a small bursary is available should you need to change your stationery
henceforth you shall be known as Darth Vader
wondering if you'll live long enough to see the US invade France and attempt to rename it Freedom
FREEDOM FRIED teats
FRENCH FRIED teats
chipped teats
wikiups, the free online encyclopedia of information about the United Parcel Service that anyone can edit
I think Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord
wetus
wikiups
being a porno of the Jedi council
being a pawn of the Jedi council
wigwams
I name him Sandakin, then I cut off his hand
you die in childbirth, and the baby is made of sand
secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares
seriously, you just pour some silt on their capes and they go nuts
Sith Lords are our silty cape
Sith Lords are our speciality
you're no match for him, he's a Sith Lord
The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Shit Lord, Count Dookie, like the shitty old pile of sand it really is
The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku, like the shitty old pile of sand it really is
the Edmonton Eskimos defeat the Ottawa Redblacks to win the Grey Cup
It's hard to explain without sounding like anus gob, eh
Corps de Travailleurs Demichinois aux Cheveux Longs
Corps de Travailleurs Chinois
I want to live a safe and clean life, eat gourmet food, go out, wear pretty things, and live a luxurious life, all at the expense of someone else
It's hard to explain without sounding like a huge snob
a contemptible slur which demeans his office
Men in panda onesies carry out armed robbery in Lincolnshire
Shockingly, Court Rejects 'Motorcycle Boner' Appeal
Stockholm clinic hands out penis measuring tapes
taking a fifty micrometer coating of nickel in the penis
giving gold in the penis
taking gold in the penis
Beanie Boos
BEING THE WORST DRIVER
being told "you're not Michael's type" by Michael Stipe
Pokemon Large Organs and Chapped Teats
'Regal Sarong'
'Large Organs'
Cepahubi
Assiniboine
Those who believe that life begins at conception consider blocking implantation to be terminating a pregnancy rather than preventing pregnancy
taking gold in the Penis Braiding event but not even making the top ten in the Three Man Clean and Jerk
karate chopping Kento's teats
the Klingon Empire of Totally Heterosexual Pursuits, No Homo
the Borg Collective of Gay Games
something something Gay Games X something something Kento something Paris something Eiffel Tower something
something something Gay Games X something something Kento something Paris
the Federation of Gay Games
child rape is funny
how awful it is that the phrase "slap slap slapping" gets a furtive laugh every time
slap slap slapping Kento's teats
slapping Kento's teats
chopping Kento's teats
chapping Kento's teats
chapping YOUR teats
chapping your teats
Butt Slut Geldof
SHRED Kento Geldof
SHRED Kento
RIP Kento
meeting Glen Poppers
swaths of nard
meeting Long Peppers
long pepper
spikenard
having heard so many times the old chestnut that the main reason Europeans in the middle ages wanted spices was to disguise the taste and stench of rotting meat so they could eat it
BUTT LUST Java Man
Kento's parallel tattoos
BUTT LUST
Java Man
DEAF CHINA
Blind Asia
Basilinda
Regret Index Truth or Dare
wondering what question you want to ask BUTT SLUT
Often he is shown to people at the time, other times they do not recognize him
the massacre "appears to have been a psy op intended to strike fear in the hearts of Americans" that was conducted by "agents of Israel"
the fat and happy god of abundance and good health
sticking your head in the sand
cumming on sand
running on sand
a crowd of neckbeards mobbed, slew, and ate him at a convention
George Lucas digitally removed it from the OT
wondering if fatworld Carrie Fisher lost a lot of weight during the last decade and had to put it back on to appear in the sequels
Star Wars Fatworld Edition
before we die I want you to know, depots are filled with my snack
before we die I want you to know, my pockets are filled with sand
just now realizing that you probably could have just poisoned the tea that you gave Obi Wan and Qui Gon, which they eagerly and willingly drank without so much as sniffing it, rather than trying to gas them
just now realising that parsecs measure distance, not time
just now realising that Rtwo waits in the ship for a whole day before he bothers to tell anybody that he's received an urgent message
the shifter broke, it was fucking filled with motherfucking sand
getting a throbbing bicycle from an equine hooker in the dumpster behind Hungry Horse
A woman on West Cottonwood Drive heard suspicious noises in her house and found a deck of playing cards on her kitchen floor
A dog on Ridgewood Drive has been barking for two days
Mum's the word on the new Hungry Horse menu with a host of family friendly dishes bursting with flavour, joining the already amazing variety on offer
Another man with a discernible lack of facial hair was caught burglarizing a Pepsi machine on Industrial Court
A man with no facial hair whatsoever was see drinking an orange soda and "swearing up a storm" in front of a Kalispell business
A Blue Lake Lane resident complained that a brown tailed llama was standing in his front yard
Someone found a freezer floating in the lake
seriously, there is shit going on in Hungry Horse
A long haired dachshund was spotted on Highway thirty five in Kalispell
A Hungry Horse woman called in to complain about the neighbor's old black lab and its bad habits
A woman on Sheepherder Hill Road is unable to provide evidence that would properly convict the neighbor dog of killing her seven chickens, but believes he is the primary suspect
An intoxicated Hungry Horse woman was seen standing on the corner of Fifth Street West, yelling at anyone who would listen
A woman on Twin Acres Drive warned that she would end the life of the yapping dog that lives behind her house if someone else didn't take care of it first
Four goats were spotted walking along a ditch off of Hodgson Road
A Chihuahua and two other equally small dogs on Fourth Street West have been accused of incessant yapping
An Olney resident wanted to share the identity of the young thieves who recently stole a toolbox and other items in the area
An Olney resident discovered the location of his stolen gas can
A lost cow was taken home
check and mate
A Somers resident reported that one neighbor removed a No Parking sign from another neighbor's house and then parked in that spot
When asked if this had occurred or was occurring at the time of the call the man said no, that this only was a hypothetical situation and hung up
A man on Harmony Road called nine one one to ask if he would be charged with assault if he were to hit a man in the head with baseball bat if that man happened to be in his backyard stealing his lawnmower
A man on Rhodes Draw reported that the neighbor's teenaged boy was on his property, chopping up antlers with a hatchet
A man who was described to be "furtive" in appearance was spotted climbing a hill in Somers
A resident of Hawthorne Avenue reported that a strange woman was sitting in her front yard eating a pizza
A Bigfork resident called in to discuss the "countless crimes" on Craigslist
the queen's desk is really nice in a kind of naff late nineties way
I'm going to assume they were car batteries
inserting fifty four batteries into your urethra
A man on Whitefish Stage reported that earlier that day, while he was chasing a cat off of his property, he accidentally fired a shot toward the direction of his neighbor's house
Two dogs were seen chasing three horses through Hungry Horse
Someone stole fifty four batteries from a car lot on Airport Road
Clifford the Medium Sized Reddish Dog
he's overly critical, he never listens, he's always making me eat big bowls of sand
A man wearing a "Mexican hoody," or a poncho, stole a thirty pack of Busch Light from a local gas station and escaped on foot
A Bench Drive resident reported that one medium sized, reddish dog was standing outside on his steps
Bindi Irwin denies passing wind live on Dancing With The Stars, crikey
sucking the California girls' left ones until they had breastgasms
trusting your life to a dustbin full of torches
rubbing one out in your California girls
rubbing one out in your own palace
the Sandy Erection shooting
pay no attention to the giant sandy erection behind the curtain
our presence here will be invisible milady, I can assure you
you're sweating, relax, take a deep breath, get that sand out of your mouth
your tragedy on the landing platform, sandy
inserting a Sandshrew into Hayden Christensen's rectum
finding all that Sandslash on Hayden Christensen's computer
drinking orange juice and getting the music in your mouth
see through bricks
getting the music in your hair even though you specifically requested that you not get the music in your hair
getting the music in your mouth but then sneezing and the music shooting out of your nose
getting the music all over your face
getting the music in you
enjoying one right now, from the comfort of your favourite easy couch
being the pirate twins again
Reptilian Poop Caper
ruining a chocolate factory, if you know what I mean
ruining a chocolate factory
running a chocolate factory, if you know what I mean
running a chocolate factory
That woman probably crapped water every day for a week to look that good
clitoral thinking
tighter anal link
lateral thinking
Sandslash
wet enough to get the jucies
running out of rape rape lotion and having to use nude thong thong fluid
they used tools for fishing because it got cold too much they always had a hard time using tookie juices the tookies were never wet enough to get the jucies
literally the worst manga ever
rape rape lotion pic p
Operation Paperclip
unlit telly barracuda
naturally lubricated
one careful owner
Original Black Vinyl Fourteen Inch Achk Med Beq, mint in box
Fourteen Inch Achk Med Beq
Achk XXL Beq
Achk Med Beq
he's naturally lubricated
they can take our glowing balls, but they'll never take OUR FREEDOM!
giving Boss Nass the big glowing ball of freedom
if you only knew the search history of the dark side
I think you're forgetting we'sa free
Naboo probably would have been a pretty nice place in the Imperial era, what with Gungan Final Solution completed
guessing that the Emperor and Darth Vader probably didn't spend too much time googling their hometowns to see what was up
now remember, your name is Luke Thompson
wondering why it is that Obi Wan went through the trouble spiriting baby Luke away on Tatooine to hide him from his father and the Empire, but didn't bother to, y'know, change his last name
all the abrasive cleansers he was forced to use probably started him down the dark path of sand hatred
Anakin Toiletscrubber
wedging ants into willies with Wedge Antilles
Biggs Darklighter, drive thru attendant second grade
Eric Cartman, Jedi Knight
even if she wasn't a sex slave, Skywalker is a pretty grandiose name for a toilet scrubber
and now this
Shmi having always reminded you of a woman you dated after the Phantom Menace came out, but years before you saw it, and that always having bugged you
when she said "there was no father" she meant "there's nobody I can say for certain"
all the cancers Superman causes by using such high power x rays that he can see through entire buildings full of people
guessing that Shmi got whored out to ever hutt, dug, and ithorian on Tatooine
you're forgetting the x ray vision, which means that even silent rape such as that faciliated by sedatives were his responsibility to prevent
you could forgive Superman not being able to pick out the white collar criminals whose crimes basically sound like tapping or scratching, but the sound of violent nonconsensual sexual contact must be nearly constant in a city the size of Metropolis
even if Superman never raped any orphans, with his super hearing permitting him to know what was going on entire cities away and his ability to act quickly, reliably, and unstoppably against his foes, the fact is he must have condoned child rape
for all we know Superman raped orphans, what's your point
Watto Polanski
for all we know Watto was a horrible child abuser under the protection of the Hutts
it's not like they had to shovel out Rancor shit, they just sat around their tidy, well lit hut, which is significantly larger than my apartment now
that slavery is bad and all, what with the lack of freedom, but not really getting what exactly it is that Watto made Anakin and his mom do that was so terrible
possibly a less gay robot might have helped her more, if you know what I mean
he did that to help his mum
well, he didn't have a lot of time, what with all the work he did on constructing the gayest, most useless robot ever
he skipped a lot of early schooling
Anakin had the highest midichlorian count ever
deviation from the established lore is heinous
they're in every living cell
sorry, I already feel bad about writing that one
what they call midichlorians, we usually call extra chromosomes
it's a Jedi trait
Qui Gonn is a fucking idiot, seriously
confer on you the level of Jedi Knight, the Council does, but agree with your taking this boy as your Padawan learner, I do not! Sandy is he
Star Wars Colon Poop Clone Wars
screw or screw not, there is no try
your thoughts dwell on sand
the zenith of Chinese bronzeware making
Gungans deposit a spermatophore after an elaborate nine hour mating ritual
not being sure whether wookiee semen would have been funnier
the more you tighten your grip, the more gungan semen will slip through your fingers
cumming to the dark side
Darth Yardage, Sith Porn Star
Darth Yardage
your queen is lost, your people are starving, and you, governor, are going to eat all this sand
death YARDAGE
death footage
QT KT
Chicago McDonalds manager says police wiped Laquan Burger King death footage
Chicago Burger King manager says police wiped Laquan McDonald death footage
Garth Hamill, Sith Apprentice
that little human being is out of his mind
my parts are showing
sandstorms are very, very dangerous, and they're wankers
guessing that the main reason Obi Wan took Luke to Tatooine wasn't that it was controlled by the Hutts and somewhat obscured from the Empire, but that it would teach Luke to overcome his father's great weakness, hatred and single greatest foe, sand
Star Wars Sweary Edition
I was cleaning the fan switches, they're full of fucking sand
this is my apprentice, Garth Hamill
always remembering the effects on The Phantom Menace looking much worse than they actually did
the way the spammer either doesn't have a lot of free time on weekends or only gets paid to do it on weekdays
that all the golden tickets went to white dogs
Ranger's Pie
Singer Rape
Paris Green
scrawling "I for one welcome our new insect overlords" on all those Fly Emirates posters
yes we have no more baby parts, we have no more baby parts today
Titanic Emotional Flute
Emotional Titanic Flute
Keel Pipes Coast
Game of Jon Mikl Thor's
Robert Cop III
Benign Girl
Sense of Right Alliance
Game of Thor's
RUUUUN! GOOOO! GET TO DA PODRACER!
Pepe Likes Tacos
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Effect on Man
no more baby parts, check back tomorrow
no more baby parts
oh Jar Jar, everyone hates you but me
suing Peter Nippers
folding little pop rape scarfs
folding little scraps of paper
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Rooted Mr Pecker
Lethe wards garbage
hemlock trash
thermal shock
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Raping My Erected Hookers
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Mocked Reporter
softer than satin was the light from the thermonuclear wasteland
in the winter time when the weather is low you still get drunk even on the road
I have no LIFI and I must HOWL
pretending I made a whole bunch of timely 'baby in the high chair' jokes like two weeks ago when everyone was doing the would you kill baby Hitler stuff
Swandolf Cygler
The Swan in the High Castle
I have no WiFi and I must scream
having an image to upload but terrible signal
that there are like a billion people in India, HOW LONG WILL YOUR CULTURAL EMPIRE KEEP OPPRESSING THEM
Blue Mykehawke
Melek Taus
that there is an Indian version of like every Disney Channel show
Blue Peacock
sand lies, ex video tape
sex lies, and video tape
sex, lies, and videotape
traffic
Palak Pe Jhalak, Jedi Knight
Attack of the Drones
the sheriff of Essex was accused of plotting to release flying cockerels carrying bombs over London
Romanian hip hop
Attack of the The Clones
having neither called Pringles Prings, nor having ever heard anyone else call Pringles Prings in your entire life
involving Pringles somehow
wondering how much the Kellogg Company would pay for your ad concept of "Hope's Prings", about a woman named Hope involving Pringles somehow
Turkish That's So Raven
In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach
Palak Pe Jhalak
The savage soldier sticks his head in sand and then complains unto the shoeless hunter who's gone deaf but still remains upon the beach where hound dogs bay at ships with tattooed sails heading for the Gates of Eden
Homosassa Springs
Sassa, Florida
Homosassa, Florida
having never actually seen That's So Raven before and being sort of shocked that it turned out that the titular Raven, for whom many things are so Raven, has psychic powers, apparently
Geechy Guy Geldof
Goosey Grebe
Family Gooch
I'll take things that people said to baby Kento for $lOOO, Alex
Goochy Gay
Goochy Guy
Geechy Guy
smelling, albeit faintly, the Eiffel Towering
smelling, albeit faintly, the Mpemba effect
smelling, albeit faintly, the Bernoulli effect
smelling, albeit faintly, the Maillard reaction
wanting to make Kento a Victoria sponge for his birthday
smelling, albeit faintly, the odor of roast meat, or possibly baking cakes
phantosmia
let them eat cake
wondering what the expression equivalent to "in for a penny, in for a pound" in fatworld is
Cyrus Poonawalla
hell is other people's allergies
deciding to just make a Victoria sponge with spices and pumpkin puree, but forgetting the chocolate chips and having to leave out the nuts because someone who's going to eat it has allergies
not being able to work out if this chocolate pumpkin layer cake is going to be fucking huge or not
drawing a picture of Doug Richard, Cliff Richard, and Max Clifford arguing about how they would divide up a thirteen year old girl then the sun comes up and turns them to stone
digging your dick out of Doug Richard
Doug Dick
playing Dungeons & Dragons with Doug Richard
electropounding your penis
Ex Dragons' Den star Doug Richard denies paying child for sex
Sean Connery's wife charged with Spanish a sex hippy transport fraud
she was asking for it
she's going to get such a beating
Sean Connery's wife charged with Spanish property tax fraud
Mississippi man 'stabs penis trash after they fail to offer mad shit odor'
Mississippi man 'stabs his parents after they fail to order him fast food'
in for a penis, in for a pounding
you're at cream of wheat with Peter Gabriel and anger walks in
James has a revolver
James "Revolvers" McLain
Annie Oakley
four wide ones
If learning were suspended in the highest parts of heaven the Persians would attain it
number two hitter
screwballs
The Persians are the most civilized of the peoples of the East, and what the French are to Europe, they are to the Orient
relief pitchers
Murderers' Row
the Mendoza line
inside baseball
grandstanding
foot in the bucket
ducks on a pond
cleanup hitters
you've got me on my knees, Lydon
throwing a beanball
Most Popular "Reference To Malcolm X" Titles With Alfonso Ribeiro
Baseball metaphors for sex
pizza Danish
Alfonso Ribeiro as Malcolm X
Pokemon Sonny and Cher
Alfonso X
Pokemon Sunni and Shia
here is your throat back, thanks for the loan
playing Elf & Taking 'Elfies' with Miley Cyrus
Doctors HATE him! Learn his ONE WEIRD TRICK for electroplating your pounds AT HOME!
electroplating your pounds
in for a penny, in for a pound
Qizilbash, Jedi Knight
Qizilbash
big ol' veiny drug dealers being chased by cocks
big ol' veiny drug dealers
big ol' veiny ones
I'm drawing it right now
it exists somewhere, I guarantee
drawing a picture of Miley Cyrus with a half dozen cocks chasing down drug dealers
taking ecstasy, lyrica, frenzy, indopan, and eggs together
assuming in this case "Elfie" refers to "enormous quantities of recreational drugs chased with a half dozen cocks"
asked about her relationship with Rudolph, Cyrus responded "you would even say it glows"
Miley Cyrus Gets in the Christmas Spirit By Dressing as a Holiday Elf & Taking 'Elfies'
gropping anybody
wondering if there are any mall Santas out there offering to take elfies with people, and, if not, WHY NOT
gropping an elf
Gropelf Lane
holding a right jolly old elf down
a right jolly old elf
Santa's worker co operative
Boer Trek Into Darkness
always assuming it was Santa who wrote the names on the list, not the elves
Marathousa I
telling the children they are not real elves
Alberta's nipple exposure laws received some tweaking Monday
you can't hold a good elf down, we are putting some names on the naughty list and raring to go for our festive shenanigans
Reports said that the performers had their hats stolen and one of the elves was punched, while a pellet gun was held to another elf's head
Patrick has built in a protective system that keeps the gun from firing when dropped
how ironic
Man arrested for beating his lover with a plate because he 'only ever listens to Alanis Morissette'
having a johnson revolver
James Revolver
Advertisement for Iver Johnson revolver claimed to be safe enough for babies to handle
going bananas at a CE Ape gig
The company asks that Zamboni not be used as a noun or a verb
The biggest, blackest dick
I get called by an ant that can't infest a pair of panties, I get called names
big breasted girls look like tarts
They have formed a group called Gratis Signal and have already got support from Salves, Cello Waif and CE Ape
arresting a king in his own uterus
They have formed a group called Girls Against and have already got support from Slaves, Wolf Alice and Peace
I get called by an ant that can't buy a pair of panties, I get called names
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of panties, I get called names
weighing six ounces, sitting in a tree, and being very dangerous
sanitation and regard to public health necessitated that measure of segregation
The photo was used as propaganda, author Helene Opperman Lewis states, to convince the British public that Boer children were neglected by their parents
the death of Lizzie van Zyl, cheerio
the death of Lizzie van Zyl
being really upset that cockapoos are dogs and not birds
cockapoos
Edward Heath says internment in Northern Ireland will make UK 'safer, cheerio,' cheerio
A sex offender with a stolen boarding pass got through airport security in Salt Lake City and checked in at a gate for a flight to California before he was caught earlier this month, authorities have disclosed
David Cameron says bombing IS in Syria will make UK 'safer, cheerio,' cheerio
Star Wars Colon The Cod Wars
Doctor Who and the Rotarians
Rotarians serve Thanksgiving feast to Butts County senior citizens
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of pants, I get called names
The Cod Wars
thinking that Balkanization in the Balkans was inevitable due to their name
arresting Jack Palance in his own Burger King
nothing can stop me now, except microscopic germs arresting a king in his own breastgasm
nothing can stop me now, except microscopic germs
arresting a king in his own breastgasm
paging Turkish Star Wars, Turkish Star Wars to the OR
parping Turkish Star Wars
pardoning Turkish Star Wars
destroying turkeys
pardoning a turkey
something something MERCURIC Arches something something Shakira something burger something
imagining that "Sting's enlarged, yo" is the standard text message that Rod Stewart sends to Bryan Adams to tell him to come over right away
something something Golden Arches something something Shakira something burger something
I don't even know what McDonald's tastes like, I just thought the name was striking, like Shakira or something
opening up your fruit cakes
tricking a harvey into denting another harvey
femdom's in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth
boredom's in the bathroom shaking out teethe stool, eh
boredom's in the bathroom shaking out the loose teeth
Whale cake is not delivered into me
Whale cake is not delivered on time
Sting's enlarged, yo
Sting enlarged soy
sloganised gentry
grayed singletons
legendary tossing
destroying angels
you like the elegance but it's weighing you down
Dodo Chaplet
The Three Hundred Cubits of Highly Effective Arks
Manimal
Night Man
Actor John Stamos pleaded no contest on Tuesday to a misdemeanor charge of driving in Beverly Hills, California, under the influence of a drug and was sentenced to three years' probation, the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office said
On the debut episode of her reality show, I Love Kellie Pickler, it was revealed she weighs five hundred thirty eight pounds
At this weight she'll become heaviest queen, consort or regnant, in British history upon the ascention of her husband to the throne
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent Virginia
guessing that the broad premise of Holy Hal is that a three hundred pound man falls in love with a three hundred pound woman, but he sees her as a nine hundred pound woman and helps her achieve those gains
it certainly is broad
really wanting to know the plot, or at least the broad premise, of Holy Hal
Normal Momma's House
in fatworld SeSEVENen is a movie about fat shaming, culminating with a scene in which the younger detective's wife's Fudgie the Whale cake is not delivered on time
Seven Corpulent Brides for One Gluttonous Brother
the real movie is called Shallow Hal
that is not a real movie
She has also appeared in the Marvel Universe films as Pepper Potts as well as the black comedy, Holy Hal, in which she co starred with Jack Black
quince
apple
pear
Ballsack of Tuba Bluff
Buffalo Bull's Back Fat
You eat the blue turducken, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe, you eat the red turducken, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes
there is no spoon, just use your hands
entering the fatrix
Swanthro
wondering if our entire reality is just internet wankfuel for a world in which women weigh fifty pounds
fatworlds all the way down
nested fatworlds
wondering what people who live in fatworld call it and whether they fantasise about skinnyworld or whether they imagine quite naturally a world where the women all weigh upwards of a long tonne
Man! I feel like a Jackman
Santa with Muscles but Only on His Chest and Arms, Don't Look at His Legs
imagining an alternate reality in which Hugh Jackman played a series of thinly disguised idealised personas before ending his career with a racist sex tape, and Hulk Hogan won an Oscar for his singing, and all women weigh over five hundred pounds
imagining an alternate reality in which Hugh Jackman played a series of thinly disguised idealised personas before ending his career with a racist sex tape, and Hulk Hogan won an Oscar for his singing
wondering why there is no superhero named Jackman, and who would play Jackman in the movie if there were one
Hugh Jackman cheese
huge anus cheese
huge anus chess
Janus chess
Still Crazy After All These Buttocks
Take Back the Buttocks
starting a change dot org petition to force the scientific community to change the name "spermine" to "swanthol"
starting a change dot org petition to force the scientific community to change the name "spermine" to "manthol"
LagomorphShipping
eating that whole thing of menthol and jizzing in bed
Kento's Spearmint Cum
rook takes buttocks, check and mate
"Radio Open Source" literally means "the talking buttocks"
"Shiritori" literally means "taking the buttocks"
Poutine calls insulting Turkish warplane 'a stab in back bacon, eh'
mmmm, turkey poutine
WE NEED A BIG & BEAUTIFUL WALRUS!
Poutine calls insulting Turkish warplane 'a stab in back, eh'
Putin calls Turkey downing warplane 'a stab in back'
Kento's Spermine Cum
Kento's Spermine Gum
Wrigley's Spermine Gum
being born too late for turtle ships and too early for Kento ships
turtle ships
Spearmint
Spermine
Cadaverine
Snarf says he offered the student body leaders a compromise by suggesting he change the name of the course to "Panthro's big beautiful cars," but after some debate, they couldn't reach an agreement, snarf
ANZUSE
always leave the ugly one outside the room lol
People need to stop fisting fish with fingers, say animal behaviorists
sickness
hoping that using the #BBW hashtag for Donald Trump related news catches on
being whatever
always bring the ugly one in the room lol
Being so dumb
WE NEED A BIG & BEAUTIFUL WALL!
you'd put your snail in her ginger beer any day
putting Donoghue on your bang list
Donoghue v Stevenson
ANZUS
fish fists
getting syllogisms based upon the arcane and the obtuse all over your ordered collection of penitent sentiment, if you know what I mean
liking to put fish fingers in your mouth
I don't know what you mean
getting fabric softener on your sandwich, if you know what I mean
Scharf says she offered the student body leaders a compromise by suggesting she change the name of the course to "mild French gun tits," but after some debate, they couldn't reach an agreement
lending your bees to a dishonest beesqueezer
one in eight believe farmers have to 'squeeze' bees to get honey out of them
One fifth of young adults think fish fingers ACTUALLY ARE the fingers of fish, research finds
People need to stop scaring cats with cucumbers, say animal behaviorists
getting fabric softener on your sandwich
touching your boobs together behind your back
betting that girl that she couldn't touch her elbows together behind her back
touching your elbows together behind your back
arresting a kingler in his own pokeball
Phuc Dat Bich
reading comments on the internet anywhere, ever
a neverending shitshow updating in real time
reading the comments on Fox News stories, even a little bit by accident
Scharf says she offered the student body leaders a compromise by suggesting she change the name of the course to "mindful stretching," but after some debate, they couldn't reach an agreement
Cranberry Turd Cart
Cranberry Curd Tart
Liam Neeson kneeling in a Nissan in Lee jeans with Jean Lee
Optical Illusion Colon The Motion After Effect
The hydrogel in the pan
the ocean full of listless pansexuals, floating nowhere
The Playful in the classroom of the sun teacher, it is taken away to somewhere by two black
If you jest in Mr Hyuga's class, you will be picked up somewhere by two blacks
cheerio cheerio cheerio CHEERIO CHEERIO prick
staring into Channing Tatum's eyes through the Internet with your ears
Arthur does British stereo types
WHEN I STARE INTO CHANNING TATUM'S EYES IT LIKE LISTENING TO THE BEATLES FOR THE FIRST TIME
just now realizing that you can change Ireland to Iceland just by bending the r a little
the Great Stirrup Controversy
being the hardest man in Ireland
wondering if anyone has ever made a mashup of Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm and Mmmbop
Males I wouldn't call goodlooking
wankin' on, wankin' on, broken ass
it feels just like I'm breathing in broken glass
I want to breathe in the broken wind
I want to breathe in the open wind
Bernard and Stephen had worked out how to use it by spending hours recording farts
bottoming for Sean Connery in The Hunt for Red Rape November
The Hunt for Red Rape November
Red Rape in November, too
Operation Red November
twelve arrested in Houston prostitution bust
Pokemon Cars, the Dark, the Wind, the Kitchen, Mice, Dogs and Hippies
Justin Bieber sings 'Walk This Way' into piano bar, says 'ow'
Justin Bieber sings 'Stand By Me' at piano bar, pokes dead body with stick
sing us a song, you're the Pianodouche, sing us a song tonight, 'cause we're all in the mood for a tragedy, and Orlando Bloom's lookin' to fight
Justin Bieber sings 'My Girl' at piano bar
shooting that dark, windy, Japanese hippie dog mouse in the ktichen car
telling me sweet little lies
telling me lies
resting you in Myke Hawke
resting you in my arms
really more of a deck of lies
it has categorically not all been a pack of lies
you just plugged an audio device into Jackson C Frank
shooting Jack san C Furanku in the eye with a BB gun when you were a kid
Many developed fears of such things as "cars, the dark, the wind, the kitchen, mice, dogs and hippies," and one shot a Japanese tourist with a BB gun when the tourist's car broke down in front of his home
I can feel it coming in the air tonight
a number have been imprisoned for "doing something controlling to somebody else"
Miley Cyrus Colon Refugee program must screen for 'mad dogs'
Ben Carson Colon Refugee program must screen for 'mad dogs'
seeing a late twenty fifteen photo of Angelina Jolie and being pretty sure you'd read she had a double mastectomy, though that doesn't appear to be the case
bottoming for Don Thong in Nut Rape VII
don thong's nude thong thong fluid
Sarah Snook's serious nook
don thong's nut rape
pants on the ground
In the early hours of morning, he finally looked about him and saw the dancers asleep and in disarray
dognapping
kidnapping
Fountains of Wang
eliding Wayne into wang
Michael Caing
films that are like somebody pasted them together from the shitty talkie parts of music videos
Bane is revealed to be a pedophile
Teal'c threatening to shoot Tommy Solomon
dragging out every scene of plodding exposition for more fucking strings
the exact same plot point from the previous movie, that was shown not to work then, being recycled
those piggy little eyes
not understanding why Batman, a trained fighter and experienced street brawler, would allow himself to be drawn into a one sided boxing match instead of, you now, kicking the guy's ankles off, or going for the eyes
The point I am trying to make is that I do not agree with the principle of compulsory first aid education in schools
cocane
even Michael Cane is now eliding Wayne into Wang
not understanding at all why you would repeal successful legislation against organised crime a mere eight years in
I don't know if I can sit through three hours of this voiceover shit
Bane's voice
for your heart is your heart and your thoughts is your thoughts
Upon clarification from Texas Chicken that the name Church is not related to religion, but rather is the name of the founder, the issue was put to rest
areaola borealis
oreos borealis
singing to the night without sight, but with madness
putting off furiously fucking the eyholes of Tim Curry's skull while he thinks he is alone in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood in the Oscar winning feature length Big Bang Theory episode Leonard's Bad Day for seven years
putting off seeing like thirty movies with one actor in common for almost a decade, even though most of them were at least kind of OK and some were really very good
putting off seeing Oscar winning feature length Big Bang Theory episode Leonard's Bad Day for seven years
putting off seeing pretty much anything that people try to convince you is unmissable, yet watching movies that are infinitely missable
Pokemon Santa With Muscles and Batman is much better than Pokemon Robin
putting off seeing pretty much anything that people try to convince you is unmissable
Pokemon Santa With Muscles and Batman and Robin
Santa With Muscles and Batman and Robin
I'm not one of those people who think that Rocky Horror Picture Show is the best movie ever made, but it is unique and has cultural significance, and to think that someone has seen Santa With Muscles and Batman and Robin but not seen it, that's just sad
watching all those episodes of the Crystal Maze but probably not getting the most out of them
having never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
investing everything you have in that line of 'Sexy Narses' Halloween outfits
shit, I could have done a lot better with that one
eating a tin of curry with Tim Curry and Jim Carrey
wishing they would just give up on the MySquirtle attacks already
doing the Time Warp joke, again
doing the Zager and Evans joke again
Battle of the Volturnus Kento
la Setmana Tragica turtles
Rocky is a rooster who is fired into the air by a cannon as part of a circus act cleaning up at Internal Affairs
Kento bing bong ching chong Regret Index
Rocky is a rooster who is fired into the air by a cannon as part of a circus act
cleaning up at Internal Affairs
being called Shitlord back when you were at Internal Affairs, if you know what I mean
Bang Theory From The Sun
From the Sun
Bang Theory
venting my hardon
venting me, Hardy
venting Hardey
denting Harvey
narrative power being what it is, Harvey Dent was really lucky the cops didn't call him Shitlord behind his back when he was at Internal Affairs
Sherman's March to the Sea turtles
there's a treat to look forward to
thinking that you should watch the Home Alone movies for your next binge, including the shitty one with the guy from IIIrd Rock From the Sun
Homo Alone II Colon Tossed in New York
basing the Joker's voice and mannerisms on Leonard from the Big Bang Theory
Home Alone Colon Return of the Slut Robbers
ripping off the clean cheese qualms from the Slut Robbers, eh
Gordon's alive
Kento being banged from the Regret Index
ripping off the mall chase sequence from the Blues Brothers
taking the potsdamer to riesengarde
Dike Flint, Eh is an interactive extension of my book, Tinted Kid, Eh, which is about living your healthiest and happiest life to the fullest
Potsdamer Riesengarde
The Kind Life is an interactive extension of my book, The Kind Diet, which is about living your healthiest and happiest life to the fullest
Mister Magorium's Cabinet of Former Lead Actresses Existing in a Quantum State
considering the line "Gotham needs a heroic fatwa, eh" to be a bigger crime against good order than the line "ye use ice too"
wondering what it would be like to live in the world where Patrick Stewart played Mr Freeze
considering the line "Gotham needs a hero with a face" to be a bigger crime against good order than the line "ice to see you"
actually only really doing it so that you have an excuse to compare Anne Hathaway's stunt double's butt to Julie Newmar's butt
Watch All of the Batman Movies for a Chance to Lick Val Kilmer's Gut Folds!
Batman VI Colon Batman vs the Sinister Clown and His Evil Stereotype Henchmen
having never seen the last two Batman movies before, but finally succumbing to curiosity as part of a competition to win a chance to sniff the Batmobile's coating of guano
having never seen any of the new Batman films because they came out after Star Wars Colon Episode II Colon The One That Made You Stop Wanting to Go to Movies
Wang's World
the way Morgan Freeman appears to pronounce "Wayne" as "wang"
there's so much padding
fifteen minutes into The Dark Knight I can honestly believe it's going to be worse than Batman & Robin
Quarter of men believe they have 'no dire spam'
Quarter of men believe they have 'raped mi son'
I'm a pure new pleasure seeker
Quarter of men believe they have 'a rinsed mop'
Quarter of men believe they have 'ironed maps'
Quarter of men believe they have 'inseam drop'
Quarter of men believe they have 'rapid omens'
Quarter of men believe they have 'prone maids'
Quarter of men believe they have 'prim anodes'
Quarter of men believe they have 'prison mead'
Quarter of men believe they have 'pro maidens'
Quarter of men believe they have 'porn medias'
Holford is a lovely picturesque village on the edge of the Quantocks
le woof
ecorce ecorce ecorce
#JeSuisChienMeEntendrelEcorce
the Cygnic Empire
#JeSuisEnfant
the Gallic Empire
#JeSuisChien
Quarter of men believe they have 'man periods'
Alien Colon Romp
Pennsylvania Court Says Alien Romps Aren't Public Records
Pennsylvania Court Says Porn Emails Aren't Pubic Records
Pennsylvania Court Says Porn Emails Aren't Public Records
Pokemon Traveling to Engage in Illicit Sexual Conduct With a Minor and Distribution and Receipt of Child Pornography
traveling to engage in illicit sexual conduct with a minor, and distribution and receipt of child pornography
in the year twenty six twenty six, if mankind is still being a minimalist
Liz Hurley Is A Rude, Fat B#tch, She Can F#ck Off
you should know, you're falling into fiction
definitely getting a speeding ticket doing thirty five in a thirty zone
Young men will form a line and chant rhythmically, "Oooooh yah", with a growl and staccato cough along with the thrust and withdrawal of their lower bodies
watching the video for Open Parenthesis Everything I Do Close Parenthesis I Do It For You and just being struck suddenly by how goofy it is, with a bunch of white guys hanging out playing soft rock in what is assumedly a simulacrum of Sherwood Forest
there's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
wondering which you would choose given the option of either speed dating everyone on your Celebrity Bang List with the ability to mix and match, or cruising around on a luxury yacht all day with no more than ten of them
it kind of makes sense, but they'd have to hit Madagascar first
opening up that Veal Motel right next to PETAHQ
I wrote that one without actually looking at a map and it really doesn't make any sense
Scottish army launches massive offensive against Mozambique
Strange 'canine facet' spotted on Mars rock
Strange 'cetacean fin' spotted on Mars rock
always imagining, even though you know it to be untrue, that the Horn of Africa is on the other side, where what you might call the Occipital Bun of Africa is
everybody says i shouldn't mess with you no more
Strange 'ancient face' spotted on baggie of dank kush nugs brah
Strange 'ancient face' spotted on Mars bar
Charlie Sheen 'spent $one point six m on tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy after HIV diagnosis'
the Horn of Africa
Strange 'ancient face' spotted on Mars rock
Charlie Sheen 'spent $one point six m on prostitutes after HIV diagnosis'
Kento tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
your boobs buying food on Kento
Metal Vole
Moat Level
Veal Motel
A Portrait of the Artist as Gary Oldman
really wishing Gary Oldman had done his crazy Leon cop act for the Batman movies instead of letting other people do the overacting
Long Barrow maximum security prisoner Carly Simon has revealed the mystery behind one of pop music's enduring puzzles
Kento's ass transit system
being a minimalist ten years ago
being a minimalist in the nineteen eighties
Love Metal
wondering if it's too late to keep Alicia Silverstone in a curio cabinet so that you may marvel at her at your own leisure
the weird implied possibly sexual violence that the authorities and Batman clearly collude in at the end of Batman & Robin
"Love Overshadows Evil" declares death metal band
really taking it personally that Ryan doesn't like people posting song lyrics to the internet
making friends with kid owners purely to gain access to the friendship of their kids something something Ian Watkins
making friends with kid owners purely to gain access to the friendship of their kids
punching a murder clown
rubber lips are immune to your charms
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to donate to a Kickstarter for a weird belt or something
you won't believe what's blowing up Kickstarter
Gregarious behaviour in Opiliones
that in a way it's a shame Batman & Robin wasn't released today, because then reviewers could say things like "the Ice Man cometh ellipsis but did he have to finish in our mouths"
what killed the dinosaurs
bottoming for R Kelley in I Believe I Will Cut You If You Don't Stop Struggling VII
the sting of rape
wondering if R Kelly is like the Sting of rape
wondering if Ice T is like the Sting of rap
Tracy Lauren Marrow
really wanting to do some Polish T jokes wherein the hits of rapper Ice T are given a Polish spin, but finding it very hard to name any hits
being a minimalist a century ago
Polish T
Shit Lop
Hot Lips
Asian Lips
Gay Lips
braiding wombs
the name given to a legendary spirit dwelling in Dryburgh Abbey in Berwickshire, Scotland
it tastes like burning
Ben Carson's campaign used a US map that has problems with the New England states, appearing to cut out, misshape or misposition Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont and Rhode Island
braiding poons
Jure Grando
bottoming for Semener Maniston in A Long Come, Pally
It is understood how to read at will T shirt
Curry but I like enough to eat in expedition destination, rather than making their own, not good food of curry noodles, such as curry
A tropical fish farm, medical facility and a kickin' pair of trainers
A tropical fish farm, medical facility and computer servers
braiding tombs
raiding tombs
Charlie Sheen to sell two of three Beverly Hills mansions
sucking a stew dry
He may still improve sufficiently to tell us something of value, though he can hardly say 'oily Welsh marlin liver'
He may still improve sufficiently to tell us something of value, though he can hardly say 'a shrill limy wolverine'
He may still improve sufficiently to tell us something of value, though he can hardly say 'merrily shall I live now'
The One Where Ten Years From Now You'll Totally Be Able To See Rachel's Nipples
it's a long way down the holiday road
that apparently there's a widescreen version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where you can see whole bunches of obviously crew standing around what would have been out of shot in the intended original
being two Batman movies into a Batman movie marathon and thinking the most unbelievable thing about them so far is that they're two hours long, which seems excessive
death and tasers
it seems quite likely they're hoping to stem the flow of refugees, since they rely in the main on taxation of those people and literally stealing the money from banks in territories they control
I guess they could argue that the attacks are intended not as provocation but as retaliation, but still
remembering quite liking Along Came Polly, and owning a copy of it that somebody gave you presumably because it was, like all DVDs, worthless and reduced as a loss leader by stores within six months, but still had the appearance of a gift of value
if she didn't want her nipples to be all over the internet, she shouldn't have had nipples in the first place
not really understanding the logic of an organization that is going out of its way to make every nation on the planet with nuclear weapons pissed off at them
Watch All of Jennifer Aniston's Shitty Movies on DVD For a Chance to See Her Nipples!
it's like that movie where you can see Jennifer Aniston's nipples on the DVD because the aspect ratio was different
in fairness they didn't notice ten years ago because the episodes were cropped for a different broadcast format
"heretic washed up piglet Shame pile" sounding like what you would get if you ran the McDonald's menu through Translation Party
F#R#I#E#N#D#S# swapped Rachel in an episode and noone noticed
eating a heretic washed up piglet Shame pile
being a heretic washed up piglet Shame pile
having gerbil dumps, pure win
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time for super lubed Mr Wiping
having super lubed Mr Wiping
having super weird plumbing, if you know what I mean
low hanging Kentos
do your Kentos hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie 'em in a knot, can you tie 'em in a bow
tour eiffel charisma
naked sexual charisma
Eiffel Kentofsky
tying ten Kentos in a neat knot
Sheen said depression over his condition led him to drug and alcohol use, "making a lot of bad decisions" that resulted in hiring more prostitutes who could blackmail him
Operation Neat Knot
An intoxicated passenger had to be restrained after attempting to open an exit door on a flight from London to Boston, authorities said Tuesday, cheerio, wicked pissah
Operation Tan Kento
one, ONE fat gay Asian, ah ah ah ahhhh, two, TWO fat gay Asians, ah ah ah ahhh
Operation Ten Kento
Operation Ten Go
Fitty Cent Showers in Armenian Pee
Thirty Nine Percent Of Americans Shower In The Pee
having super weird plumbing
rubbing another man's rhubarb
in fact, the croissant does not arrive in France until a hundred years later when it's brought over by a sixteen year old Austrian princess by the name of Kirsten Dunst
never rubbing another man's rhubarb
after what happened to Johnny Gobbs
Vote Carl Weathers for Governor!
tooth fairy slashfic
how many of the cast of Predator ended up as right wing political candidates
I'm just kidding those movies looked terrible
yeah, but look at all the women he fucked
The same day Landham called for genocide against Arabs and referred to them as "ragheads"
Sixty One Percent Of Americans Pee In The Shower
tracking down old porn films featuring Sonny Landham out of Predator
The greater the number of a Dogari's exploits, the bigger the size of his trousers
being a minimalist now has nine hundred and eleven votes, NINE ELEVEN TERRORISTS ATTACK ILLUMINATI JET FUEL CAN'T MELT STEEL BEAMS
that's racist
it's just brown and water
first rate Snorunt lapping
she evolved
Miley Sheen LICKYLICKY Geldof
Miley Sheen Lickitung Geldof
Miley Sheen Lohan Geldof
Gloom sucking cock behind the Pokemon Center just to get enough cash to feed its rare candy addiction
Miley Sheen Lohan
seeing Charlie Sheen in a music video with Jean Claude Van Damme and some other has been you didn't recognise, and wondering who the hell thought that was a good idea
Pokemon Doing Needle Drugs and Banging an Endless Parade of Skanks
Man Whose Entire Public Image Revolved Around Doing Needle Drugs and Banging an Endless Parade of Skanks to Reveal That He's HIV Positive
Charlie Sheen will reportedly announce tomorrow during a "Today" show appearance that he's HIV positive
As the organization grew, infighting and charges of bylaw violations and profiteering among the leadership led to the departure of several board members and the creation of splinter groups, including FORBS
wondering if whoever that is doing what you assume is an attempt at SQL injection is looking for something specific, or just hoping to inject some malware downloading code or some shit into qwantz dot com
Adult Bashful Seven Dwarf Costume
The Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas was formed as a splinter group of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas after a disagreement over leadership and membership qualifications
abortion doping
Alien Colon Covenant
It Ain't FULLY Hot Mum
It Ain't Half Hot Mum
wombling free
overstood
understood
I should probably point out that I have no idea whether they did it ten years ago
if they didn't do it ten years ago they're not going to now
drawing a picture of Earl Sillies lying back and thinking of England
wishing that you could somehow dig a quantum tunnel to the alternate universe in which London was attacked instead of Paris just for the chance to see eighty thousand bored French people in the Stade de France forlornly mumbling God Save the Queen
Colon The Jared Fogle Story
guessing that it would really not be considered "reaming" somewhere around the halfway point of the ninety thousand guys
wow, a whole stadium full
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to anal ream Earl Sillies
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to learn Malaise Rallies
fraternity cock, if you know what I mean
drawing a picture of Flavor Flav becoming emotionally close to chickens, but the chickens are at best apathetic and at worst antagonistic
fraternite coq, si tu vois ce que je veux dire
fraternite coq
friend chicken
eating that whole thing of kim chee and sneezing in bed
Daniel Mason, who works for William Graham, said he had not "fully understood" the meaning of the speech
sneezing in bed
Myke Hawke covering The Sun Always Shines On TV
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to touch Myke Hawke
when life conspires against any and all attempts to start a friend chicken franchise
flee fly flo flave, I smell the blood on your fingers, Dave, yeah boy!
having a close shave bravely fleeing a flaying from flying Flavor Flave at a Flavor Country rave
kind of confusing N Sync with Dujour
qiitung
assuming N Sync had other hits than "quit playing games with my heart" but not being able to remember any, thank fuck
qiit serving steaks with my heart
N Shake
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to out Myke Hawke
steakifying your shakebook photo
playing it til your gums bled
playing it til your vagina bled
normalisation votre photo de livre des visages
facing your Frenchbook photo
Frenching your Facebook photo
this whole unpleasant business now gone Far Enough
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to learn La Marseillaise
Miley Cyrus management says misunderstanding causes prolapse in Veterans Day promotion
These guys are from England and who gives a shit!
Frenchifying your facebook photo
Steak 'n Shake management says misunderstanding causes lapse in Veterans Day promotion
eating bangers with Miley Cyrus on her Bangerz tour in Bangor then banging her
In the end, nobody got blocked and the dispute died down on its own, probably because both sides realized they were battling over a woman who willingly went on a reality television show to "fall in love with" Flavor Flav
Duck season!
Rabbit season!
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to outcum Myke Hawke
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to outgun Myke Hawke
The "Ballast" investigation by the Police Ombudsman confirmed that British forces did on several occasions collude with loyalist paramilitaries, were involved in murder, and furthermore obstructed the course of justice when claims of collusion and murder
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to outrun Myke Hawke
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to outrun Bear Grylls
wanting to make Kento drink his own urine at least once for his birthday
taxing your body without representing your body
While you can drink your urine at least once with no significant consequences, it will tax your body and potentially cause it to overheat a bit more
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to outrun a twink
Suchyi voyny
Cab Calloway's Moonglow
hot sex with hot zeks
the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being
I used to feel so sad and think too slow and drink too fast life had me blue and black 'til someone came and changed me back
this is a brand new day,that you can pave the way
There is no conceivable situation in which you should try to outrun a bear
standin' on your mama's porch
you see it turn to gray
the streets are paved with gold and if someone asks you, you can call my name
on a wire between will and what will be
David Myatt
David Copeland
A Prison Officer was shot dead on the MI motorway near Craigavon while driving to work
Michael Stone was arrested for breaking into the Stormont parliament buildings while armed
RUC officers had to protect pupils and parents at Holy Cross Catholic Girls' School in Belfast, following attacks from loyalist protesters
three children were burnt to death in a loyalist petrol bomb attack
Two hundred and twelve people were injured, but there were no fatalities
Inam Bashir and John Jeffries
Eamon Byrne, Barney Greene, Malcolm Jenkinson, Daniel McCreanor, Patrick O'Hare, and Adrian Rogan
One gunman yelled "trick or treat!" before he fired into the crowded room
the deaths of Johnathan Ball and Tim Parry
absolutely nothing
Moore drove away from the scene and later shot himself
forcing people including civilians, off duty members of the British security forces, or people working for the security forces, to drive car bombs to British military targets, after placing them or their families under some kind of threat
As Stone then ran towards the nearby motorway, a large crowd began chasing him and he continued shooting and throwing grenades
twenty two PIRA volunteers were jailed for a total of over four thousand years
just tape them up
playing it til your fingers bled
Foo Fighters cancel concert, Natalie Portman cancels premiere in Paris
The Eiffel Tower stood dark in a symbol of mourning Saturday night as France struggled to absorb the deadliest violence on its soil since World War II
they don't like it up 'em
cats hate cucumbers
kissing agent fiftyseven's cloaca
drawing a picture of the Eagles of Death Metal kissing cloacas with excitable groupies
certainly better than Eagles of Death Metal
Cloacal Kill would be an awesome metal band name
cloacal kill
wondering if you will live long enough to find out whether the majority of regret index regulars like the majority of birds mated by cloacal kiss, and whether that included agent fiftyseven
wondering if you will live long enough to find out whether the majority of dinosaurs like the majority of birds mated by cloacal kiss, and whether that included Argentinosaurus
having goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus sex with agent fiftyseven
tricking a straight guy into buying food on ebay
Dillon, you son of a girl
Predatoroonops
Dillon, you son of a bitch
going out in Carl Weathers' all weather leathers
Miley Cyrus just straight up doing nude shoots now, ironically the month after even Playboy said enough was enough
the amazing Making Terrible Things Even Worse Index having previously thought that the day would never come that your life would depend on the morning sun
probably getting a raping ticket doing thirteen in an eighteen zone
Miley Cyrus 'Heals Physical and Emotional Pain' With Latest 'Bangerz' Tour Show After Death Of Her Colon Cellz
probably getting a speeding ticket doing thirty five in a thirty zone
having it rough colon
Colon cells have it rough colon They die off after about four days
Doogie Howser, bugle boy
Doogie Whosits, MD
Doogie Whyser, MD
the amazing Making Terrible Things Even Worse Index
having previously thought that the day would never come that your life would depend on the morning sun
I did it, I made something terrible even worse
Unreclusive Rapist has modified the restraint system on some of the seats to accommodate smaller guests
Hannibal Buress is trying to make 'teal pony slit' happen
this message is repugnant in its lack of any human spunk
Hannibal Buress is trying to make 'totally penis' happen
this message is repugnant in its lack of any human decency
buying a gaypass for the Unreclusive Rapist tour
buying a fatpass for the Unreclusive Rapist tour
buying a fastpass for the Unreclusive Rapist tour
Unreclusive Rapist has modified the restraint system on some of the seats to accommodate larger guests
Doogie Howser, MD the Prisoner of Azkaban
Universal has modified the restraint system on some of the seats to accommodate larger guests
Throat Rape and the Forbidden Journey
Throat Rape and the Chamber of Secrets, this Christmas from Unreclusive Rapist
Nd
Throat Rape Nd the Prisoner of Azkaban
Throat Rape and the Chamber of Secrets
Throat Rape and the Philosopher's Stone
"Throat Rape" cry rot Daniel Radcliffe said he would never stop feeling lucky as he was honored with a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame which costs the recipient thirty thousand dollars
"Harry Potter" actor Daniel Radcliffe said he would never stop feelinglucky as he stared at himself in a mirror lined room dressed in a suit woven from hubris
"Harry Potter" actor Daniel Radcliffe said he would never stop feeling lucky as he was honored with a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame which costs the recipient thirty thousand dollars
worrying about saying "in cat rager" instead of "in car charger" when people are around
the hard eared result of lifetimes of regret
Miley Cyrus is Full of Punks
Eiffelocracy
Poignant Eiffel Tower Peace Symbol Goes Viral in Wake of Paris Terrorist Attacks
suspecting that all the spam comments are going to break the 'dex again
grilling the California krills
Close Playmate
Meaty Collapse
Maple Acolytes
Soapy Cellmate
Metalocalypse
Journey of Zydeco
Fleetwood Mac of Acid Jazz
Eagles of Death Metal
tricking a pregnant guy into buttchugging gym mats before bed
tricking a straight guy into eating coffee ice cream before bed
the pregnancy sites are saying there's very little meat in these gym mats
sending that Valentine that said "Be my White Whale"
Beverly Hills Internet
when I woke up the light faded to grey, I knew I was lost, I got lost on the way
Coming hard on the heels
a second season was planned but is currently cancelled due to horrific injuries
Swansparent, the Netflix spinoff of the hit comedy Tanks For Nothing, is about a human couple who foster a teenage swan
Coming hard on the heels of Amazon's gander bending hit "Swansparent"
starring Moreguns Freemanontheland
Coming hard on the heels of Amazon's gender bending hit "NRA's TNT Rape"
Coming hard in the heels of Amazon's gender bending hit "Transparent"
Coming hard on the heels of Amazon's gender bending hit "Errant Pants"
Coming hard on the heels of Amazon's gender bending hit "Transparent"
At least one in five adult New Yorkers suffer from depression, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts or other psychological disorders every year, I'm drinkin' here
At least one in five adult New Yorkers suffer from depression, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts or other psychological disorders every year
not even realizing that spambot was back
those tests are not lOO% accurate
I'm not pregnant
wondering who keeps the Martians under wraps
the pregnancy sites are saying there's very little caffeine in coffee ice cream
Brits
wondering who calls four pm "the middle of the afternoon"
something something StarMunchers something coffee ice cream something time for bed
furthermore
you could always dilute it with additional food
well then
I didn't intend to start a whole thing
look, the original regret was basically one of those "hey, I'm doing something while sitting at my computer with the regret index open, I might as well write a regret about it" regrets
I almost never consume anything with caffeine in it
I'm not going to sleep now, I'm wondering if I should eat it later before I go to sleep
wondering what kind of American in Denmark goes to sleep in the middle of the afternoon
it's unlikely to make much difference if your body is used to regular caffeine doses over the past few days
I was wondering whether I should it eat before I sleep
wondering why caffeine matters to you anyway
it's thicker than water, not that we really disagree here
bottoming for Glanz Kokfa in In the Penile Colony VII
electroplating your penal colonies
I'm not arguing that there's not much caffeine absorbed from the ice cream, but it is probably not very solid for very long
penile colonies
penal colonies, crikey
penal colonies
like a rhinestone gayboy
caffeine is much harder to absorb from more solid foods than from liquids
probably not very much
wondering how much caffeine the coffee ice cream you're eating now has
Some that is or Some that ain't would and day
starting an Uberlike escort service called CarGoblins
eating all those deep fried vegan dark chocolate soy butter sticks at the County Would and Day Show
Pokemon Would and Day Show
dong tattoos, we're just a bunch of crazy dong tattoos
kinda "drinking" human blood in your youth but not really what you would call deliberately
dong tattoos
wondering whether you would drink human blood to maintain your youth if you had the opportunity
Donald J Trump unleashed a torrent of insults on Thursday against his main rival, Ben Carson, comparing him to a child molester in a television interview and suggesting that the people of Iowa are "stupid"
Ugh I just, I love her, but I get so sick of her sometimes too
And ever
Forever
Always alone
Just
Some that is
Look but just wishing someone you showed interest in would and day show interest in you
c'mere a minute
oh, yeah
oh, yeah
New Springfield citizens tend to use low brow expressions like "Oh, yeah" and "C'mere a minute"
c'mere
wanting a smack colon
Chicago vs Predator
Chicagos is much better, though I think Chicago Cubed is the best
meaning to watch Chicago like four years ago and never getting around to it
thinking that on balance Alien Cubed is probably better than Aliens, even if it does make some really weird third act choices like "NO PICTURES!", because at least it doesn't wank itself blind over tacticool crap for the first hour
'Desserts' French chef smashes mouth of Jesus
'Stressed' French priest smashes mouth of Jesus
the relentless progress of the spambot
working class Zulu men who participate in amateur competitions that are part fashion show and part choreography, the purpose of which is to display one's style and sense of attitude tricking a lot of straight men into topping each other
working class Zulu men who participate in amateur competitions that are part fashion show and part choreography, the purpose of which is to display one's style and sense of attitude
tricking a lot of straight men into topping each other
a lot of men bottoming each other
a lot of men topping each other
the actress and comedienne Victoria Wood stated that BBC panel shows were too male dominated, and involved "a lot of men topping each other"
Richard Hammond, one of the presenters, expressed doubt that there would be any complaints against them as, he alleged, the Mexican ambassador would be asleep
the BBC broadcast an episode of its motoring TV show Top Gear during which presenters referred to Mexicans as both "lazy" and "feckless" and Mexican food as "refried sick"
wondering, in these days of eager gossip sites reporting any old shit, how hard it would be to make it appear that Unreclusive Rapist was a real production company backed by Roman Polanski, and what the wisdom of such an action would be
Gary Glitter signs to produce soundtrack for Meaty Six Incher Colon The Jared Fogle Story
something something Ian Watkins something Unreclusive Rapist something
Unreclusive Rapist's R Kelly biopic Down Low Nobody Has To Know signs Chris Brown
Bryan Singer to direct Sean Penn in Unreclusive Rapist's They Want a Smack Colon The Life of Sean Connery
Twin Brothers Were Caught Stealing Identical Items From Walmart In South Carolina
Stephen Collins signs on to direct, star in Jimmy Page biopic for Unreclusive Rapist
Cosby has been awarded at least fifty seven honorary degrees
Roman Polanski's Unreclusive Rapist to produce The Jimmy Savile Story starring Bill Cosby
Roman Polanski announces five picture deal for Bill Cosby at new Unreclusive Rapist production company
'Stressed' French priest smashes statue of Jesus
A camel hair brush is a type of paintbrush with soft bristles made from natural hairs, usually squirrel
Unreclusive Rapist announced today that they have scheduled the Clifford Got Bridged, Eh movie
Universal Pictures announced today that they have scheduled the Clifford the Big Red Dog movie
in her shadow, the sun was born
an elephant weapon for a more civilized time
The Norfolk dialect, also known as Broad Norfolk, is a dialect that was once, and to a great extent still is, a kind of thick, very sweet paste or gel
not realizing that Norfolk was famous for inbreeding, cor blarst me
Severely Inbred Cat Found In Norfolk, Bears Found Shitting In Woods
an invisible force with magical powers and a mind control machine that monitored all their thoughts
your face looked so good I wanted to touch your mouth
oh, right
I wanna fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck Milky Way
wondering why you've never made a Milky Way and Galaxy dessert
I thought they were in a galaxy far, far, away, badum tish
Oldest known stars found at the heart of Milky Way Galaxy
anal kink samba, eh
banana milkshake
remebering that time you milked a male charley horse when you were like thirteen
I drink more fluids than anyone I know, no homo
occasionally liking a vegan banana milkshake even though you're not vegan
drinking more fluids, having a banana and maybe a glass of milk, or some cheese, or even a banana milkshake
watching a YouTube video of a male walrus being milked and getting the Fat Gay Asians VIII trailer in your suggested videos at the end
Milking Nemo
bottoming for three horses in Another Unbelievably Painful Forty Eight Hours
watching a YouTube video of a male salmon being milked and getting the Finding Dory trailer in your suggested videos at the end
having had three unbelievably painful charley horses in the past forty eight hours
Salmon milk comes from the males
getting milt all over your face
bottoming for Spawny Crockett in Remember The Salmo VII
nut roast
depicting a world where the global population is seven billion, subject to overcrowding, resource shortages, and a crumbling infrastructure
remebering that time you milked a male salmon when you were like thirteen
hot smoked salmon cum
Soylent
hot smoked chum salmon
Nutraloaf
Oreilles de crisse
Gunfight at the Pokemon Corral
Pokemon Diamonds and Pearls
Pokemon Diamonds and Rust
Pokemon Raisins and Cornflakes
Ento the fat gay acer
Xento
Just Right includes both raisins and cornflakes
Kento's drippings
fat gayonnasian
wanting to make Kento a Montreal smoked meat sandwich for his birthday
getting Montreal all over your face
Montreal begins hugest dump into St Lawrence River, merde
Montreal begins massive sewage dump into St Lawrence river
semen in the conservatory with the lead pipe
getting semen all over YOUR face, and by the way, screw you, MB
getting semen all over your face
it was semen
a kind old tree
that wasn't mayonnaise
you started it
things are getting kind of gross
getting Danish remoulade all over your erect penis
there's a humping that's filled with violence, signed, Roman Polanski
there's a thumping that's filled with violence
go stand in the sun
what is a boy to do
getting mayonnaise all over your face
putting that mayonnaise in the sun, if you know what I mean
drawing a picture of Legolas singing there's a crebain in the cotton
with a smile so inviting and a body so tall
Sir Oink a Lot
hat man who's not an archaeologist
always managing to bollocks things up, Betty
crying over bird seed
crying over spilled seed
crying over spilled milk
if you say so
John Coltrane's A Chicken Supreme
that in Denmark, they call Hawaiian pizza Bahamas pizza
drawing a picture of Lucy Liu, Lucy Lui, Shia LaBeouf, and Shia LaBoeuf tangled in a grotesque rats' nest of arms, hands, anuses, and vaginas
Shia LaBoeuf Is Kneading Dough At Angelika Reinsertion Center Right Now
trying to come up with a "Lol no one ever" version of "nobody does it better"
swan supreme
chicken supreme
always liking to change "reign" in the phrase "reign supreme" to "chicken"
Police hunt for 'twerking' women accused of sexually harrassing man
wondering if Kento accidentally entered his sexts to Chris Lydon in the regret index
wanting to send a tweet to Miley Cyrus asking whether the penis of her dog Floyd got stuck inside her rectum when he died while having sex with her
midgets and other people camouflaged
wondering whether anyone could hear Ricky Gervais scream in space
in space, no one can hear you scream, unless you're a fifteen foot claymation payoff to a two and a half hour mild discomfort movie
Janine, sorry about the unloveable jerk thing, I'll be in my office
probably, you are the kind of unloveable jerk who'd do that
Are there really only two people left here and I'm butting in
thinking "a dead dog can't knot" would be a great aphorism
that a dead alligator can still get an erection, because it requires some kind of lymph transfer dealie
figuring a dead dog can't knot as it requires vascular pressure that can only be supplied naturally by the heart
Hamill tweeted last Thursday that he was "elated" that Fleetwood had been able to see his reflection in the snow covered hills before the landslide brought him down, oh oh
wondering if a dead dog can still knot
Hamill tweeted last Thursday that he was "elated" that Fleetwood had been able to see the film at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl
Terminally ill man granted wish to see Star Wars movie has died
Lol totally sexless to everyone
Lol no one ever
Miley Cyrus is Full of Spunk
Never being away from your more attractive friends lol lol
Ugh think you hit it off but your more attractive friends are in that shit like whoa ugh ugh
Ugh like people and no one ever love me
Ugh never loved never ugh
the first forty minutes of Aliens feeling more like a Babylon V episode than a big budget movie
rectal fissures
wondering what kind of physical pain the death of her dog Floyd caused Miley Cyrus
America is Full of Spunk
the secret sauce of America is innovation and entrepreneurship
finally seeing a clip of the 'New Black Girl' video and just basically being all like what the f
wanting to banging
being born too late for tall ships and too committed for wanting to banging Jewel when you are in a relationship
finally seeing a clip of the 'Wrecking Ball' video and just basically being all like what the f
Shia LaBeouf Is Watching All His Movies At Angelika Film Center Right Now
Current research projects involve Fifty Shades of Grey readers, the impact of social media in fans' relationship with Lady Gaga, masculinity and male fans, messages about class and food in reality television programming
Campus Activists Weaponize 'Apes' Faces'
Campus Activists Weaponize 'Asp Faeces'
Campus Activists Weaponize 'Safe Space'
bottoming for Rolls Royce in Thorax Side Impace Performance VII
The affected vehicle has thorax air bags fitted to both front seats that may fail to meet the side impact performance requirements for the front seat occupants
Deaths Confirmed as Small Plane Crashes in Akron, Ohio, I've got a bad feeling about this
funking your way to funkytown
fucking your way to freedom
Raymond "Shrimp Boy" Chow
it is necessary to say frankly that nobody ever fucked his way to freedom
beyond wines
bath wines
Bedouins
finding the most unbelievable part of That Darn Cat the fact that the entire crew, despite knowing there's a monster loose aboard the ship, goes chasing after that Alien
finding the most unbelievable part of Alien the fact that the entire crew, despite knowing there's a monster loose aboard the ship, goes chasing after that fucking cat
you're a very fine swan indeed
everybody here's got an eight track mind
everybody here's got a one track mind
she said she couldn't come to the garden
spooning Lindsay Becker's colossal boondoggles
that people need to work longer hours and through their productivity gain more income for their families
hey guys, remember the space program
Lindsay Becker representing the US poses in a national dress
Jeb Bush Would Time Travel and Kill Baby Hitler If Given the Chance
Australia's big things
The Tinder style app for people who want to fight for no reason
I shoulda learned to play them drums
bottoming for Queen in A Kind of Ass Lick VII
Bald Law
i don't care if he's balding, i think he's so cute
Giant cave troll gives hobbits lick jobs in IHOP parking lot
While the majority of the characters in the original Alien script were written so that they could be either male or female, Ripley was always intended to be a man
Luc Besson's Tighty
"Lefty Loosey Righty Tighty" is the story of three friends on the precipice of middle age who treat women like property
Giant cave troll swallows cars in IHOP parking lot
Giant cave in swallows cars in IHOP parking lot
righty tighty, lefty loosey
topping for Minnie Mouse in Septuple Rats' Cocks VII
Soubrobotte
that you would totally bang Clarabelle over Minnie any day of the week
having to wear your anal rape shorts because your lactation fetish shorts were at the cleaners
wearing those anal rape shorts just because you look good in them
Jude Law's lewd jaw
one of the wittiest and most inventive lactation fetish shorts in a long time
one of the wittiest and most inventive farm implement anal rape shorts in a long time
one of the wittiest and most inventive animated shorts in a long time
Clarabelle jumps over the castle, making the arch with her milk
Minnie then drives Pete's car with Pete in tow
Horace, Mickey, and Minnie begin to laugh hysterically at Pete's pain
one of the tools, a sledgehammer, rams the pitchfork deeper into his rear end
Pete spots Minnie and gives her a sexual gaze, so Mickey puts Clarabelle in the gaze in Minnie's place much to Pete's disgust and horro
loaning a loom to Lewd Jaw in lieue of loosely lubing Lucy Liu
louchely lubing Lucy Liu and Looby Loo in the loo in Looe
Jabberhawkey
giving the chariot to Lucy Lui and Lucy Liu
downloading Lucy Lui's personality into a robot body
that even today you would still think there is a market for downloading Lucy Lui's personality into a robot body
The Walrus and the Podcaster
Lucy Liu needs doughy boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo
suspecting that Lucy Liu could have managed to become quite a good actress if her career trajectory had carried her to anywhere but the dumpster of jack off fuel in bottomlessly shitty action movies
initially born a man, she underwent Despin Convert sexual realignment at birth for undisclosed reasons
The Walrus Who Screwed Kento
The Bolt Who Screwed Christmas
thinking that Lambert from Alien was the younger Robinson girl from Lost in Space, but she was actually her sister
Lucy Liu needs boys with dough at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo
Lucy Liu kneads annoyed grunt with boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo
we'll just wait for the killer bees to come to us
Pen Island
lace ben wa balls around Ben Wallace's balls to the wall
Crystal Island
The Curious Balls of Ben Wa
ben wa balls on a string
making jambalaya from Jumbolino and a ewe
Asian mother Sheba and African father Jumbolino
lacrimae rerum
Mr Dido's lax ditto
dot matrix dildos
www dot dildooftheday dot com
If there be a God, I think that what he would like me to do is paint as much of the map of Africa British Red as possible
wondering what the incident was that implanted thetans that instilled intense hatred of sand in some Canadians
operating thetans while under the influence
drinking lots of rum and popping pinks and greys
a three D, super colossal motion picture
love bombing
bottoming for Turk Wangs in Homo For Thanksgiving VII
cleanliness is next to Turkishness
not to mention insulting to Turkishness
that is extremely unhygienic
that there are enough Wangs in the world to fill up Turkey
The Soyl is not very fruitfull subject to much Snow, but the air is very wholesome, and the Bowels of the Earth inriched with divers Metals
A series of online animated episodes explain how the Angels got there and their mission, concluded by the very introduction of the movie
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as Future Angels
Lucy Liu needs dough with boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo
the United Nations have denounced Charlie's Angels Colon Full Throttle for causing widespread famine and ethnic strife
Antonio Banderas has never apologised
DRC was hit particularly hard by Ballistic Colon Ecks vs Sever
Lucy Liu kneads dough with boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo
#king Myke Hasbah
rocking Myke Hasbah
#upyours
#slut
you're playing so cool
tramps like us
the Sealion of Ikeda
the Lion of Judah
cumfire night
Pokemon Alcohol and Sticking Things in Your Butt
alcohol and sticking things in your butt
that butt chugging combines the two great human pastimes, alcohol and sticking things in your butt
going for a four whore drive
going for a four hour drive
thinking that butt chugging was the domain of dumbass frat guys, but realizing that it is actually probably practiced more often by the hopelessly alcoholic
Your potential regret of butt chugging has already been added!
Overall, experts believe that alcohol enemas are a dangerous method to consume alcohol
making a mental note to never go poking around boxes of old papers in James Chu's basement
walrusry
ugh, me, ugh
caramelraderie
camelraderie
camelry
after Gary Gygax's death, Moby was one of several celebrities identifying themselves as former Dungeons & Dragons players
wondering if that's where the word "came" cum from
bottoming for Dick Payne in Lasting Impact VII
wondering if that's where the word "cum" came from
bumfire night
Christopher Lydon, from Eiffel Tower Society, said Ikeda would " be alight from one end to another"
Michael Symes, from Lewes Bonfire Society, said the town would "be alight from one end to another"
vicenarian Kento Ikeda claims septuagenarian Christopher Lydon is "getting up my rear"
octogenarian Donald Rumsfeld claims nonagenarian George HW Bush is "getting up in years"
The James Chu foundation has collected all secret documents created during this era
Sir George Mansfield Smith cumming
Sir George Mansfield Smith Cumming noted of his agents that "Every man is his own stylo"
Professor Dick Payne Leaves Lasting Impact
Everyone gossips about Lori Loughlin's recent divorce and you can tell that John Stamos is hella mad that he missed his window to hit it now that he's all up in Rebecca Romijn
installing Worf
With the installation of the WORF, the ISS crew was able to remove the scratch pane for a clearer picture, PETAHQ!
With the installation of the WORF, the ISS crew was able to remove the scratch pane for a clearer picture
Moby representing Veganuela poses in Japan
Edymar Martinez representing Venezuela poses in a national dress
rainbow doves
like a medium version of the human centipede, but in a closed loop
droll save, fink
flavored links
even doves have pride
fall over kinds
Thomas Wolsey
Henry VIII's Head Canon
being a Medea
being a media
not eating a big gay guy
not being a big Asian guy
not being a big fat guy
Man wanted over Manchester porn film invitations
seriously not having heard anybody who isn't actually a media talking head and therefore fairly suspect as far as paid promotion goes that has mentioned the Rolling Stones' latest 'work' in any context other than referring to the promo push since ever
like a media version of the human centipede, but in a closed loop
wondering if anybody even still cares about the Rolling Stones as a band, or if they're just a media operation that became self funding through concerts which only sell tickets because people were going to go out anyway and the media operation swayed them
UK man dies of apoplexy on being forcibly told Rolling Stones to tour Latin America for first time in X years
Henry VIII's Hand Cannon
not even realising that it was neckbeard day until just now
that the normal and fairy split has made your life as a gym leader so much more difficult
Queen Elizabeth's Pocket Pistol
not being a big gay guy
Japan picks who they pick and that's that
Anagram Skywalker
I'll bring back the goods, but I don't know when
Jibanyan
Donald Trump, a billionaire son of New York City, did not make a single charitable donation to any of the not for profit groups that provided aid to survivors, rescue workers, or the families of cops and firemen who died trying to save others
Lee Oswald Trump
trying TWO ales
trying an ale
fold over glans
he "would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers"
fall over dongs
lover of glands
various of scientists have said, 'Well, you know there were alien beings that came down and they have special knowledge and that's how, you know, it doesn't require an alien being when God is with you'
Loveland frogs
The pants were meant to say 'animal' but due to a factory error had the word 'anal' on them in large print, just above her bottom
World's first transgender beer made from sex change hops launched by brewery
the death of Calista Flockhart
Mystery Poop Science Theater MMM
the death of Melissa Mathison
The Brady Bunch Poop Hour
All My Children Poop
Small Poop Wonder
Silver Poop Spoons
The Real Poop Adventures of Jonny Quest
The Quatermass Poop Experiment
Only Fools and Horses Poop
drawing a picture of Alfred Hitchcock and James Stewart braiding their penises together in Reno
hitching your cock to a man in Reno just to watch him die
drawing a picture of Alfred Hitchcock hitching his cock to red ALF
which I imagine is some kind of porno
Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Ended in Reno
Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Windshield
Pennyplating With Electricity
Woodburning With Electricity
electroplating a penny which inadvertently smashed the rear windshield of my teacher's car, btw kinetic energy is a bitch, and got me suspended
letting them drink blood, if you know what I mea
letting them eat cake, if you know what I mea
veganism, plant based nutrition, environmental awareness, social issues, gender equality, controversial art
eating out in Castille
Bosses have vowed to find out who was behind the stunt which saw the charity sale abandoned after a sex toy was discovered in TWO of the cakes
drawing a picture of Bilbo Baggins billing Bill Bixby's dad for grabbing a bilby in a bag in Baghdad
tricking a straight bear into baring another straight bear's ring in the Bering Straight
bailing on Bai Ling in Berlin, Balin
"The clitoris is one of the typical products of Galician cuisine," read the description of the festival on the Castillian Spanish version of the town hall's website, whose original version is written in Galician
Bosses have vowed to find out who was behind the stunt which saw the charity sale abandoned after a sex toy was discovered in one of the cakes
carpe bilbem
Mahmoud Abbas making a bas relief of Alice Eve's ass in Alice Springs on the eve of spring
trying to grab a bilby
making a bas relief of Alice Eve's ass in Alice Springs on the eve of spring
elderly donkeys
Alice Eve's Ass Relief, the charity that finds homes for sick and elderly donkeys
troublewithfeces dot org
troublewithfaces dot org
going right off the idea of caviar when you found out Polypodium hydriforme exists
Cavi Art
imagining Paul McCartney and Moby lounging around PETAHQ dreaming up more ridiculous things to put on their concert riders, and then Sir Paul completely loses it when Moby says they should ask for "vegan caviar"
McCartney dubbed the song an "experiment," saying that he found the concept of the desperately poor humorous
imagining grotesquely out of touch present day Paul McCartney sitting around on the Mull of Kintyre laughing about the very idea of a bus driver
McCartney dubbed the song an "experiment," saying that he found the concept of someone being forced to work in a temp version of an already demeaning job just to make ends meet humorous
McCartney dubbed the song an "experiment," saying that he found the concept of a temporary secretary humorous
that if they'd just cast Val Kilmer and Haley Joel Osment the producers of Looper could have saved themselves a bundle on prosthetics
imagining grotesquely obese present day Val Kilmer sitting around in a too tight Batman costume masturbating to the beach volleyball scene in Top Gun
just now realising that you can totally see Ben Affleck's vagina through his neoprene Batman costume
just now realising that you can totally see George Clooney's nipples through his molded plastic Batman costume
you can't hold up a king in his own entire country
Andy Capp busting a nut in your ass so hard it leaves you handicapped
Pacific Rim Colon Maelstrom
the essence of progress is change
just now realising that you can totally see Adam West's nipples through his Batman costume
you can't hold up an entire country
Catwoman is stealing the voices of Chad and Jeremy at the policemans' ball
Can Dutch chimps pick up a Scottish accent
gotta felch 'em all!
The Big Green Thing That Devoured Pittsburgh
I have one desire and that's to dance until you drop
the Talc's Own Balls
the Tac's Own Bells
the Queen's Own Ubers
Taco Bell says Uber rider arrested in attack on driver 'can no longer work for us'
the Queers' Own Butts
the Queens' Own Butts
the Queen's Own Butts
not having your own buffs
Regiment de Meuron
the Queen's Own Buffs
Roman Polanski Forever, the reboot that went too far
I guess we could let Mickey Rooney, who is dead, down gently even though we've been going on about Billy Cosby all year and Roman Polanski forever
it actually is a pretty sad story so we shouldn't do this
Tears and Terror Colon The Disturbing Anal Rears of Mickey Rooney
Mickey Rooney looking like an assblasted Lucille Ball
Tears and Terror Colon The Disturbing Final Years of Mickey Rooney
the endless parade of disturbing faces, each uniquely disturbing in its own way, that one sees on doing a google image search for Mickey Rooney
Scary Lucy
Jewel looking like a sandblasted Lucille Ball
Judi Dench, Jedi Dame
Jedi Dench
finding it hard to begrudge Judi Dench getting work, but at the same time recognising this probably means she's some kind of war criminal
wondering if it's that you're upset by the idea of Star Wars and other long running franchises continuing throughout your lifetime, or that they won't bang you
the Rape of Don King
When you took away her stretch marks, you took away the documentation of my puppies
Husband of Oklahoma Mayor 'Meant no Harm' With KKK Costume
Neil Patrick Harris and his family undressing as Star Wars characters
Topless male protesters womanhandled after disrupting Islamic conference in France
wondering whether the kids who are, say, three or four years old now will eventually develop their own interests or if they will be cursed to be nothing but proxies for their dumbass manchild fathers' lost youth and be doomed to like Star Wars for eternit
Our Weapon are bare breasts!
Neil Patrick Harris and his family dressing as topless female protesters
Neil Patrick Harris and his family dressing as Star Wars characters
Topless female protesters spooned after disrupting Jewel concert in France
Topless female protesters manhandled after disrupting Islamic conference in France
the very next day they were asked for their papers in the street by a commandant, and I haven't seen them since
When you took away her stretch marks, you took away the documentation of my children
Beijing's covert radio network airs China friendly news across Washington, and the world
earmoths
womb spiders of the Serengeti
Bacon's womb spiders the size of a hornier lad's smut
Bacon's womb
spiders the size of a hornier lad's smut
Sir Harbottle Grimston, Master of the Rolles
Bacon's tomb
Bacon's rebellion
spiders the size of malnourished rats
bugger penis
bigger penis
stumpage fees
Knights and dames scrapped from Order of Australia, Malcolm Turnbull says, crikey, forsooth
bottoming for Louis Assteur in Assteurised Milk VII
Seh Dong Hong Beh
Uber Driver Swapped Ride For Oral Sex Inside His Vehicle
Georgia drivers claim they were too drunk to consent to DUI tests
A Serbian prisoner has had to pay a high price for his vanity after he injected his genitals with petroleum jelly in a quest for a bigger penis
Spiders the size of rats are breeding and colonising the UK
Rotting Cow Head Found Outside Willimantic Topless Bar
ratfucking
I would just call it being realistic
wondering if it's still imposter syndrome if you've never really achieved anything
shoes that only have eight ounces of champagne per wedding swiping left on Quitr
shoes that only have eight ounces of champagne per wedding
swiping left on Quitr
Mom! Mom!
Pop! Pop!
Kenny rogers roasters
Kenny Rogers Roasters
I'm going to caulk you void from now on
#fresherelfshitanalgate
#selfreferentialhashtag
I'm going to call you Simon from now on
the Zoroastrianificance of Celebrity Day
the Buddhafication of Groundhog Day
Midweek Cowboy
the stately nineteen ninety two Latura
Star Wars IX Yoda's Bar Mitzvah
Musicians Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger announced their separation after two years of marriage
if you want it, coming and getting it, for crying out loud
the Islamicisation of Christmas
'tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no poo, Moor
'tis a fine barn, but sure 'tis no pool, English
drawing a picture of Elijah Wood having his composite ass spray painted teal by Jerry Sandusky and Jimmy Savile in the showers at Penn State, English, cheerio
you're the expert on that
Elijah Wood's ass appearing to be a composite of a ten year old boy's and a sixty year old man's
a ten year old boy and a sixty year old man in the showers at Penn State, English
mode Elijah Wood
median Elijah Wood
mean Elijah Wood
a ten year old boy and a sixty year old man
Elijah Wood's wikipedia photo appearing to be a composite of a ten year old boy and a sixty year old man
Shaggy In The Summertime Feat Rayvon
The Wonderfull Discoverie of Witches in the Countie of Lancaster, English
you're gonna hit me while I'm here
The Wonderfull Discoverie of Witches in the Countie of Lancaster
not realizing that Mungo Jerry's "In the Summertime" is the fourth best selling single of all time when the weather is high, I wanna eat the sun
not realizing that Mungo Jerry's "In the Summertime" is the fourth best selling single of all time when the weather is high
not realizing that Mungo Jerry's "In the Summertime" is the fourth best selling single of all time
Pokemon One and Done
Pokemon Brooks and Dunn
when I let you down you're empty and you try to hide your frowns, frowns
the death of Al Molinaro
that'll replace the whale in my nightmares
seriously wondering how the crotch seems to get so worn on all your trousers
necks are for sheep
knot teating the world's SECOND most passionate doll
you're gonna miss me when I'm gone
knot teating the world's most passionate doll
no teating the world's most passionate doll
not eating the world's most passionate doll
not being the world's most passionate guy
arresting the Kinks in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
arresting the Kinks in the bathroom at church
a weird preoccupation with going for the groin
The private sector is in general inept
Marine wildlife experts believe dolphins attacked a young pilot
whale which was found stranded on a beach in Skye
The London housing market has formed the world's biggest house
The Impotence of Banging the Berenstain Bears
The Importence of Baing the Berenstain Bears
pabebe
Man finds his doppelganger sitting in his seat on a flight
Chen Ivor Annistone
Matthew Prairie
Memorabilia scam fraudster Steve Pearson avoids jail for selling fake celebrity autographs
fuck a duck
Kinks
arresting the Kings in the bathroom at church
We are qualified butt doctors, say KINKS
ordering a whole case of mistaken identity
arresting a king in the bathroom at church
Ballmark making a "Sorry About Your Penis" greeting card
Hallmark not making a "Sorry About Your Penis" greeting card
Sorry About Your Penis
Fush Yu Mang
The Importance of Being the Berenstain Bears
Marine wildlife experts believe dolphins attacked a young pilot whale which was found stranded on a beach in Skye
The London housing market has formed the world's biggest house price bubble, according to the Swiss bank, UBS
seeing angels in the architecture, chinning in infinity, saying och aye, says you pal
The Importance of Beating Bearnest
The Importance of Eating Earnest
You probably have herpes, the WHO says tattooing PENIS on your penis
I know that the Hallelujah chorus wasn't from Water Music but the joke works better this way
the Waffletastic Chorus from Handel's Waffelmusik
seeing angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity, saying amen, waffletastic
praising the lord "waffletastic"
an accidental victim of the Night of the Long VASH in a case of mistaken identity
an accidental victim of the Night of the Long Knives in a case of mistaken identity
boids of da wattah
delectable treat, and a very hot sexy girrll
hypnosis is for losers with big weird eyebrows
The beautiful occasion wherein you recieve oral, vaginal, and anal sex all in the same evening
Circumseptember
Veganuary
making Coke tweet the words "My father was a civil servant who fulfilled his duty very conscientiously" in the shape of a pirate ship with a face on its sails wearing an eyepatch
electroplating penises on your pennies
electroplating pennies on your penis
#HatesButtsEh
Trevor the Pooppire taking the hugest
#TasteTheBush
FOUR minutes of FONTAYNE
three minutes of playtime
graven pop idols
he would never allow that
Madame Tussauds in New York unveiled a wax replica of Bono's foreskin
while in scenic Lake Tahoe, be sure to check out the Hard Rock Cafe's "Legendary Foreskins of Rock" exhibit!
he would buy an extra plane seat just for it
nuclear power stations would be in meltdown as their core temperature monitoring systems were overwritten by a collection of songs about the beautiful and fragile but eternal love of a total wanker and the foreskin he never knew
Microsoft, Apple, Android and so forth would have released security updates trying to prevent Bono's turtleneck opus from infecting any more devices, but essentially civilisation would already be over
if Bono were circumcised there would be a whole album dedicated to his prepuce downloading itself to every computer everywhere
guessing that Bono is not circumcised, because if he were it would definitely be on public display somewhere
you probably got AIDS because you weren't circumcised, UTWO says
Greece demands return of Jenna Marbles
circumspectly expecting respect in a circus circlejerk
Empooppire
degloving French Stewart so much
Third Poop Rock from the Sun
gloving French Stewart so much
you probably have rockin' pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu, JOHNNY RIVERS says
GLOVING the french so much
hatting the french so much
wondering what Jan L Semenbra vlogs about
wondering what happened to YOU to make you hat the french so much
while my cold sore gently weaps
You might want to get checked for syphilis, the BEATLES warn
wondering what happened to the Bush family to make them hate the french so much
You probably have herpes, the WHO says
I mean literally, the Senate, what is it like the French work week
Madame Tussauds in New York unveiled a wax replica of popular vlogger Jan L Semenbra
tattooing SPINE on your spine
Madame Tussauds in New York unveiled a wax replica of popular vlogger Jenna Marbles
not getting circumspect
Potato of the United States
tattooing ponies on your POTUS
tattooing PENIS on your penis
Normal Activity Colon The Poop Dimension
Paranormal Activity Colon The Ghost Dimension
The CIA's internal watchdog has criticized the spy agency for introducing Hollywood representatives to undercover officers and allegedly being careless in talking to them about agency secrets
getting ten tramp stamps on your ASS card and earning a free ASS session
getting ten stamps on your ATM card and earning a free ATM session
writing your PIN number on the back of your ATM machine card
writing your PENIS on the back of your ASS card
writing your PIN on the back of your ATM card
three penis rice wine
deer penis wine
having hirsutoid papillomas because your penis is not spiny
As a teenager, Calisal realized he had been circumcised while participating in swim club
his passport says he hasn't been circumcised, but his falsetto makes me wonder
having a hairy penis because they're not entirely glabrous
having painful erections because not enough skin was left or having a hairy penis because the body has to drag scrotal skin unto the shaft of the penis in order to compensate
MewTwo's circumcision promotion
StarSnippers
Listen to Every Utwo Record for a Chance to Circumcise Bono
Foreskin Advocates Protest Vancouver Utwo Concert, Thanks to Bono's Circumcision Promotion
How a Man's Unborn Twin Fathered His Child
Pen Island Earth
Piss Island Earth
nothing bupkis, Kento
liking your butt pus like you like your Nigella, with cumin
liking your butt pus with cumin
liking your Nigella with cumin
noshing butt pus, Kento
pulling Kento's lever so hard that it broke off in your hand
pushing Kento's buttons
not hitting the Go button instead of the Kento button
slip n sliding away
what a fucking scumbag
really thinking Peter Sellers being an unfunny old cunt had killed off brownface decades ago
Ashton Kutcher's Pop Chips commercial where he dons brownface and is a Bollywood producer named Raj
that if it makes you feel any better about your own sanity, at least every time a country's democratically elected assemblies vote on any internationally observed matter you don't hashtag "this is a coup" like a fair proportion of my twitter feed
It is possible for someone who is obese to be aware that obesity is 'highly externally shamed', because we live in a society that frequently accuses obese people of being greedy and lazy, but not feel personally, internally shamed
banana dolphins
EVERYTHING'S PERFECTLY NORMAL
that Jay Z appears to own several racehorses and people do not constantly sing JAY Z HORSES RRRAAAAA RRRAAAAA whenever they're around
wondering what it's like to be a spambot owner who can't contextualise, trying to advertise your shit in the comments of the amazing Regret Index
Drawing Found On Picture Of Rock Found On Mars But Not On Actual Rock
Another Rock Found on Mars
Rock Found On Mars
this is indeed a disturbing universe
wondering whether female werewolves have four rows of nipples while in human form or if they just suddenly appear when they transform
ro twink werepoos
Prairie Dog Found On Mars
Former boxer claims he was drugged for gay porn romp
Centaur Colon The Lactation
ro bear werepoos
werepoos
poop garou
watching all of Kento's YouTube videos while peeing on his face
really needing to get around to peeing in Kento's face
Werewalrus Colon The Obliteration
vintr
Scandinavia is a popular place
that you can say without hyperbole that there has likely been millions of words written on the internet about this very topic
being awake at three am in Scandinavia in winter
that if a werewolf were to enter a fully human or bipedal wolflike state, you would assume the penis would be mostly human, but if they were to fully transform into wolves, they would have canine penises
yes, what you said
wanting to assume that werewolves 'knot' like all canines, but guessing that it's probably more like the problem of centaur biology than it first appears
wanting to assume that werewolves L
this is the whole centaur thing all over again
wanting to assume that werewolves k
wondering if werewolf penises swell up when they have sex and get stuck inside like dogs
then it's just yiffing
that if both partners transform at the same time it wouldn't be bestiality
analitr
eating an AZERBAIJAN peach
wondering if anyone has made a werewolf movie where the werewolf transformation occurs midway through a sex scene, because that seems like easy publicity even if the bestiality is only really implied
Feraligatr
Werewolf Colon The Apocalypse
fellatr
eating out the other one of the most popular type and then a couple of the best in a while
eatr
eating a Georgia peach
Incensed that the price of sausage biscuits at Waffle House had increased by Fitty Cent, a Georgia man shattered the eatery's door, according to cops who busted the diner Sunday morning
Incensed that the price of sausage biscuits at Waffle House had increased by fifty cents, a Georgia man shattered the eatery's door, according to cops who busted the diner Sunday morning
being A THIRD asleep already
being half asleep already
watching a Canadian watersports porno set in England but performed in Canadian in which you are taken out of the action every time the whiny punchable Canadian actor is paid in pees, eh
just now realising we could have avoided all this watersports stuff if I'd remembered the word pence
drawing a picture of Dr John Dee peeing in Kento's mouth
not having deepeed Kento's face yet
stealing that sow's itchy bra from the communal laundry room
riding in sow's itchy bra
riding in ars with Cosby
riding in crabs with soy
riding in boys with cars
actually not having seen the movie so not knowing whether Brittany Murphy's character was indeed the one doing the titular riding in cars with boys
disinterring Brittany Murphy's corspe and pissing in the eyholes of her skull in order to ride in her like she rode in cars with boys
Jonathan Livingston Fahrenheit
watching all of Hayden Christensen's movies for a chance to parasitize his urethra like three AAA batteries
watching all of Hayden Christensen's movies for a chance to parasitize his urethra like a candiru
was that it
disinterring Brittany Murphy's corspe and pissing in the eyholes of her skull in order to violate her like she violated young boys
something Brittany Murphy's corpse something something StarPissers something I'm terribly sorry
Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit
burning through the sky, yeah
puissantly pissing on passing passive passerines
Brittany Anne Bertolotti
Pokemon Sucking Cock and Riding in Cars With Boys
I'm extremely talented
you beat me to it
Pokemon Drive a Car and Suck Cock
I Have No Tongue and I Must Need Medical Assistance
Pokemon Driving A Car and Sucking Cock
Pokemon Not Having a Tongue and Needing Medical Assistance
Pokemon Progressive and Regressive
PISSOISE used MOLTEN GOLD! PEEKACHU fainted!
one does not simply suck cock and drive into Mordor
Pokemon Pisser and Pissee
The NBA profits from revenue generated by dance teams who represent the franchise on and off the court
you can't drive a car and suck cock at the same time
Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors
driving in a car, it looks so easy "sucking cock"
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Urolagnia on Her!
guessing that at least ninety three of those pees are for Natalie Portman alone
not knowing if something is progressive or regressive
seeing Mr Magorium's Flying Goddamn Vaginismus on sale for ninety nine pee on the Google Play store and thinking "yeah, that's fair"
Cops were dispatched to the restaurant after the suspect's mother called nineoneone to report her son "not having a tongue and needing medical assistance"
Bono, lead vocalist of rock band Utwo, described Scissor Sisters as "the best pop group in the world"
Cthreepios's enormous erection
In front of "many children," a South Carolina man pulled down his pants and jumped atop a Scooby Doo van in a Myrtle Beach park, according to police who arrested the suspect for indecent exposure
"sick gnu cock"
"cock gunk" sic
driving in a car, it looks so easy
"sucking cock"
Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters reckons humans are on the "poetic Go orifice rape cab"
not even having a pornography profile that you know about or could stop being compiled
hey guys, remember the Scissor Sisters
Ana Matronic from the Scissor Sisters reckons humans are on the "precipice of a robotic age"
not even having a pornography profile
The Love and Sex with Robots conference due to be held in Malaysia has been cancelled by police for being "illegal"
herding the deadly Striated Podnerf from B'o's't O''n
herding nerf for power converters
taking the girthiest fart
designing Ava's face based on my pornography profile
you stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking nerd herfer!
guessing that "herding nerf" is pretty much space slang for "hawking myke"
being a stuck up, half witted, scruffy looking capable outdoorsman
guessing that "herding nerf" is pretty much space slang for "sucking cock"
One night, Meatloaf saw a ghostly woman in white walk past his window
Nerf herders were often somewhat simple, but as a result of living outdoors and fighting off anything that interfered with their herds, they became quite capable
space commoners can't marry space princesses
wondering what behavior is so common among nerf herders that it makes them a byword for contemptible people
Mr Trump said he "often drives himself" and recently ate at McDonald's
Denmark's Hugest Dumper
Denmark's Nerfiest Herder
Report colon ten% of vegetarian hot dogs contain meat giving love a bad name
Report colon one hundred% of vegan hot dogs contain concentrated human misery
Report colon ten% of vegetarian hot dogs contain meat
giving love a bad name
Denmark's Girthiest Farter
I should really get some peppers
Denmark's Farthest Girder
Denmark's Freight Traders
Denmark's Fight Retarders
Sean Connery vs Myke Hawke
Sean Connery vs The Cock
joining the army early because of R Lee Ermey
AOpen's vacuum tube audio card
Loadsamoney
Mr Rooter
Poop Cos
The New Bill Poop Cosby Show
The Bill Poop Cosby Show
The Poop Cosby Show
The Poop Cosby Mysteries
Poop Cosby
boogers and cum
Essex man
on the thirty fifth anniversary of the Wow! signal, Arecibo Observatory beamed a response from humanity, containing ten thousand Twitter messages, in the direction from which the signal originated
During the second half of Britain's "imperial century" between eighteen fifteen and nineteen fourteen, English born South African businessman, mining magnate and politician Cecil Rhodes advocated the British Empire reannexing the United States of America
I should really get some sleep
to incredibly ugly people
WCW
WCE
that watching the Tonight Show slash WCE crossover had to have been like watching to incredibly ugly people have sex and wondering which person is lowering their standards
Hogan and Bischoff lost to Page and Leno thanks to interference from Kevin Eubanks
The Fresh Poop Prince of Bel Air
Roger Rampoopjet
meeting Brian Knobbs
Nitro was live at the Florence Civic Center in Florence, South Carolina and opened with Hall and Nash physically attacking Brian Knobbs, Jerry Sags, Robbie Rage, Kenny Kaos, Ciclope, and Galaxy
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake
All three nWo members assaulted Booty Man and left him lying unconscious on the outside of the ring
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, had a very shiny
Star Wars Colon Poop Droids
It's partly red but mostly bare
Star Wars Colon Clone Poop Wars
Turbo Poop Teen
Clarabell uttering his first and only line in the history of the program, "Goodbye, kids"
Little Muppet Monsterpoops
My Mother the Poop Car
The Charlie Brown and Snoopy Poop Show
Poop House
Tarzan and the Super Poop VII
WWE Monday Night Raw Poop
It also depicted Hogan as having a full head of hair, as opposed to the noticeably receding hairline he sported in the ring
Dora the Poop Explorer
Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Poop Wrestling
I Pity Poop the Fool
Hammerpoopman
Garfield and Friends Poop
The Sarah Jane Poop Adventures
The Robot was not programmed to cry
Torchpoopwood
The Robot realizes he can't really bend far enough to take Sarah captive
The Robot prepares to take Sarah captive
your stomach acids are smoothing the dimples off Ed Balls
your stomach acids are smoothing the dimples off my balls
Auction Huntpoopers
Bob's Poop Burgers
Vepoopep
Poop Castle
Superpoopnatural
Xena Colon Poop Warrior Princess
MacPoopGyver
The Suite Life on Poop Deck
Sting of the Poop Dump
ho axes
rough sex regrets
irregular sex regrets
The Shamelessly Greedy Man
regular sex regrets
gender normative regrets
realizing that your favorite sex smells like perfume
realizing that your favorite perfume smells like sex
Stig of the Poop Dump
He Man and the Poop Masters of the Universe
Who's The Poop Boss
wondering why anyone would name their sled
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church and consequently killing the California girls
Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth
hoaxes
shooting your infant child with heroin
Circumcision Knob Geldof
knob gelding circumcised
spambot circumcising Brian Peppers
knob circumcising Brian Peppers
hot circumcising Brian Peppers
knot circumcising Brian Peppers
not circumcising Brian Peppers
Mani pulite
Bill Clinton, Katy Perry Fire Up Hillary Crowd
not getting eyholefucked
my two favorite things are commitment and changing myself
not getting berenstained
not getting skullfucked
Kento's naupliar eye
I looked through many thousands of bottles of pickled squid in my time in a search of this very species at this very size
staining bears down there
shitting your infant child into space
Bilad Al Sudan
Negroland
bottoming for Skinny Dom, Vinny Gorgeous, Louie Haha and Tommy Shots in Goochfellas VII
Skinny Dom, Vinny Gorgeous, Louie Haha and Tommy Shots
we never got our right money
shooting your infant child into space
growing boobs
not having seen any Superman movie in at least twenty years, and not remembering anything about them even if you did see them
The Semenstain Bears
bear hork
Berenstaining bears down there
growing bears down there
not having seen any Superman movie since two thousand six
cat puke
growing hair in there
growing hair down there
growing hair
your boobs not having met ryan north
Judas Pap
Judas Nomos
getting pod in your hair
Nomos, Tusks, and Pod
a talented antihero who drinks wine on duty, harasses cheese, and waves dark chocolate towards practically everybody he meets
a talented antihero who drinks alcohol on duty, harasses nuns, and behaves brazenly towards practically everybody he meets
a great and incredible unit of eight individual females brought together by common interests of mother, jugs, and speed among many other indulgences
entering a new era of lemon citrus chicken
the butter in my pocket is melting
bottoming for Biggs Darklighter and Loose Guywanker in Tushy Station VII
going into Tushy Station to pick up some poop converters
a great and incredible unit of eight individual females brought together by common interests of wine, cheese, and dark chocolate among many other indulgences
China does not contain the antipode of any landmass in North America
bottoming for Jude Law in Speed III Colon Huge Mother Jugs
assonating huge with Mother, Jugs, and Speed
Assonator III Colon Rise of the Machines
that whenever you try to remember Chewie's roar, the memory immediately segues into the end title of the first Star Wars
guessing that there's already a canon spelling for Chewie's vocalizations but not being bothered to look it up
Han Solo in Tosche Station saying "Chewie, whore! I like a huge rawwwarr!"
what I do is I just try to take my hat and I turn it around, and it's like a switch goes on, and when the switch goes on, I feel like another person, I feel, I dunno, I feel like a, like a truck, like a machine
assonating huge with Jude, food, and chew
taking the chewiest dump
rhyming huge with Jude, food, and chew
Jude Law! what is he good for, absolutely nothing, say it again
rhyming whore with maw to avoid rhyming more with maw
eating dinner at Straight Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago
Jude Law in his food store saying "Chew, whore! I like a huge maw!"
getting jewed raw by Jude Law
a tour of the north for Worf and a dwarf
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the flume out of an anus trope
you betrayed Jude Law
Most Jude on man in Britain demands action
Pied Law
Pooed Law
Booed Flaw
Nude Paw
Lewd Jaw
the Gothic Castle
dwarves have a plus two racial bonus on Search checks to notice unusual genital features, such as landing strips, crabs, surgical reconstruction, evidence of docking, penis pump usage, and the like
wondering if Gimli ever looks at a shaved genital region and remarks that it is dwarven workmanship
dong farmers
being courted by two dwarves
gong farmers
fluming one out in the bathroom at church
wondering when and why it became gauche for the ultra rich to employ court dwarfs
still wondering who that freakout person was like two years ago Bicoid Babe's anus flume
still wondering who that freakout person was like two years ago
Bicoid Babe's anus flume
that apparently "anus flume" is an obsolete occupation
Toussaint Louverture
Scottish woman can detect sons in park based on smell
that apparently "useful man" is an obsolete occupation
Category colon Obsolete occupations
Scottish woman can detect Parkinson's based on smell
Nothing has ever gone to New Jersey and come out better
Disco Fries
Mashed potato mayhem ensues
wolverines and poutine
However Badger, who could see Elton's underpants underneath his skirt, knew it was Elton so he tried to show Simon the underpants
The loudest monkeys have the smallest balls
literally just getting that
badgers and mash
Irish badgers
everybody knows badgers love mashed potato
Irish bangers
Hugest dumped on man in Britain demands action
His Lordship came to me on the poop, and after ordering certain signals to be made, about a quarter to noon, he said, 'Mr Pasco, I wish to say to the fleet, ENGLAND CONFIDES THAT EVERY MAN WILL DO HIS DUTY'
A player who concentrates on defense is said to behave like a turtle, reluctant to leave the safety of its shell
Most pooed on man in Britain demands action
Family Poop Guy
The delicate moments right before one really, really has to take a shit, where the shit is literally poking its head out of the sphincter
tricking Jewel into turtling another straight guy
Sabrina the Teenpoopage Witch
Sabrina the Teenage Poop Witch
The Dick Poop Van Poop Dyke Poop Show
Nickelodeon's Global Poop Guts
St Poop Elsewhere
Desperate Poop Housewives
Poop Step by Poop Step
Family Poop Matters
Poop House MD
This Old Poop House
The Poop Tomorrow People
Mission Colon Impossible Poop
Gene Roddenberry's Poop Earth Colon Final Conflict
Dog Poop the Bounty Hunter
Clifford the Big Red Dog Poop
TJ Hookerpoop
Space Colon Above and Beyond Poop
The Tonight Poop Show
My Big Poop Fat Greek Life
Real Time Poop with Bill Maher
Randall and Hopkirk Poop
The Biggest Poop Loser
Pee wee's Poop Playhouse
Rug Poop Rats
Poop Deal or No Deal
Who Wants to be a Poop Millionaire
King of the Poop Hill
The Big Poop Bang Theory
Gold Poop Rush Alaska
I know that one changes the rule but I don't care
I saw Poopergirl on TV, I saw it when I was working out this morning
Big Poop Love
Monk Poop
Daniel Craig roughed up guy who pinched his girlfriend's behind
Top Poop Chef
American Poop Horror Story Colon Freak Show
Orange Poop is the New Black
The Daily Poop Show
I rape Wuss Girl on TV, I saw it when I was working out this morning
The King of Poop Queens
I saw Supergirl on TV, I saw it when I was working out this morning
A former Google and Apple executive is urging women to stop using the word 'just' during conversations at work, claiming the word is childish
The Muppooppet Show
Sesame Strepoopet
Top of the Poop Pops
Poop Touched By an Angel
Ghost Poop Whisperer
Running Wild with Bear Poop Grylls
The Dog Poop Whisperer
Man vs Poop Food
Firepoopfly
Californicapooption
Game of Poop Thrones
Hard Poop
Diners, Drive Ins, and Poop Dives
Sons of Poop Anarchy
Popstars Colon The Poop Rivals
Choppoopped
Ready Steady Poop Cook
Two Guys Poop a Girl and a Pizza Place
Rosepoopanne
Two and a Poop Half Men
Hockey Poop Night in Canada
Poop Cops
Sixty Minute Poops
The Raccopoopons
Copoopuntdown
Sixty Poop Minutes
Doctor Poop Who
Breaking Poop Bad
True Poop Blood
ChucklePoopVision
Fat Poop Albert
Myke Hawke's One Poop Man Army
Red Poop Dwarf
South Poop Park
Jail Poop Break
Saturday Night Poop Live
Homepoopland
She's the Poop Sheriff
Spongebob Squarepooppants
America's Next Top Poop Model
Big Poop Brother
Smallpoopville
The Poop Walking Dead
Goof Poop Troop
F#R#I#P#O#O#P#E#N#D#S#
Wet Hot American Poop Summer Colon First Day of Camp
Batpoopman
Saved by the Poop Bell
Full Poop House
The Cosby Poop Show
Buffy the Vampire Poop Slayer
Sex Poop in the City
E Poop R
The Simppoopsons
Chepoopers
inserting the word "poop" into the names of popular TV shows
Jennifer Aniston's nurples
Jennifer Aniston's nipples
Sesame Street Debuts Its First Autistic Character Crabhammer
knicker crickets
sports kadabras
sports bras
Alabama hot pockets
Alabama Hayrides
Sesame Street Debuts Its First Autistic Character
Crabhammer
what you do for a Kentucky Klondike bar
what you do for a Klondike bar
Loin Law
meeting Brian Knickers
Jude Law Knickers
Juliet Chaos Packer
Bottom Dollar Food
Lion Law
Food Lion
Food Law
snerging that girl's bike seat in the communal bike shed
knicking that girl's knickers from the communal laundry room
Jude Law Packer
star knickers
that we all literally have a two way tv watching us day and night
Juliet Law Packer
that everyone worried the world would turn into Nineteen Eighty Four when it actually turned into Brave New World
she's the sheriff
having noticed that fairly infrequently someone will post about the death of some public figure or other who isn't actually dead
remembering that Suzanne Somers died transporting Kento across state lines for immoral porpoises
transporting Kento across state lines for immoral podcasters
remembering that Suzanne Somers died
transporting Kento across state lines for immoral porpoises
founding a country with commandos and saboteurs in all the key government positions
Germany has insisted it was responsible for the Holocaust, after Israel's prime minister claimed a Palestinian leader told the Nazis to kill Europe's Jews
transporting women across provincial lines for immoral purposes, eh
transporting women across state lines for immoral purposes
as summer seethes and nature breathes outside your door
Scientists fist Braff with cadaver hands just, you know, for fun
Scientists fist stuff with cadaver hands to figure out why fist shape evolved
Scientists slap stuff with cadaver hands to figure out why fist shape evolved
US fighter jet crashes near RAF Lakenheath, I'm crashin' here
I would want to meet ryan north if I were not in a relationship
Homo analite, amirite
going fly fishing in history
going ass to mouth in history
going down in history
Walrus HULA
your boobs buying ryan north
guessing that other people have expressed it better than you'll be able to, but still thinking it's pretty fucking weird that someone would specifically take the last cup a person drank from and use it to catch blood out of their abdominal wounds
where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides forever
Homo analite, no homo
it belongs in TWO museums!
that in retrospect H analite, implying speciation and that the owner of the pencil case was in fact Homo analite, the ass lovin' butt monkey, would have been funnier than analhite, but you live and learn
US fighter jet crashes near FAR Lakenheath
US fighter jet crashes near RAF Lakenheath
Fly Fishing by I P Freely
forget it, Jake, it's Burritotown
wanting to try fishing for a burrito town
wondering if the people who came up with the name YouTube Red knew about RedTube
YouTube Red
butt fucking the future
Sandra Neutral
wanting to try fishing for rainbow trout
I wanted to try something new and my girlfriend said try fishing for brown Trout
going trout fishing, by which you mean, wearing swimwear and offering to wash people's cars by the roadside
nobody knows exactly what it is, but it has something to do with penises
feeling like the wide spectrum of rubnatiticoconacty definitions for "fly fishing" highlights the inherent flaw of the site, in that people just look at everyday terms and dream up sexual definitions for it
My musical fartbox
wondering how the test went
The kind of situation when you are standing at a urinal looking like your doing something perverted because you can't find the opening to your underwear
Carter said on Sunday in Georgia that he knows Russian President Vladimir Putin "fairly well" because they "have a common interest in fly fishing"
when people write "you're welcome" in a post when nobody has thanked them
The Curious Career of Sandra Buttocks
Ladyparts Black Mambazo
the greater part of the English are the very refuse of society that Sandra Bullock is the female Jude Law
an invisible woman, spraying perfume in your room, who ya gonna call
suddenly smelling an unfamiliar perfume in an otherwise empty room, and, even though you know it's probably just your shower gel, romanticising it
the greater part of the English are the very refuse of society
that Sandra Bullock is the female Jude Law
shoes that are made for walking you to lands and other seas
drawing a picture of Kento being Waffle Towered by Sylvia Browne and a dodo
the death of Kento Turtles
not buying Sandra Bullock from Amazon when you had the chance
Woman who gets paid for being pretty and reading words written by others explains why she thinks that women who are pretty and read words written by others should get paid as much as men who are pretty and read words written by others
bottoming for Sandra Bollock in While You Were 'Sleeping'
bottoming for Sandra Bollock in Demolishing Men
bottoming for Sandra Bollock in Piss Congeniality
Bullock weighs in on equal pay issue
Sony to create dedicated $one billion "Seth Rogen fund" for compensation to people who will sit through any of his godawful neckbeard shithole comedies to come
Mayor McBeef
Sony to pay up to $eight million in 'Interview' watching lawsuit
Sony to pay up to $eight million in 'Interview' hacking lawsuit
IRA Lives on but Poses No Serious Threat, Britain Finds
also waking up with Lydon genitalia stuck in your ass, which is really just a terrible earthworm
shaving a testis in ten hours and an early fart before it, fml
also waking up with hava nagila stuck in your head, which is really just a terrible earworm
having a test in ten hours and an early start before it, fml
Scientists discover mushroom that makes women orgasm just by smelling it
today being ten years exactly
A woman is traveling the globe lifting heavy objects using nothing but the muscles in her vagina
you get the picture
genuinely being panicked, and laying in darkness for several minutes trying to get back to sleep with no success
one that is kinda midway b
see my goddam hands are shaking, and nobody was even threatening me with having to watch them again, they'd just found out that I have
waking up from a nightmare, specifically, being asked to choose whether Mr Magorium's Whatever Bro, Fuck Buddy Comedy, or the one that is kinda midway b
Stephen Fy
wondering how many penises fit in Stephen Fy's esophagus
Richard McBeef
ONE Rachel Steven, ah, ah, ah, TWO Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah, THREE Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah
ESOPHAGUS GANGBANGING Stephen Fry
wondering why anyone would build a spamming robot when there are spambot
throat fucking Stephen Fry
I would want to meet Brian Peppers if I were not in a relationship
wondering why anyone would build a podcasting robot when there are Chris Lydon
having always read the regret "deep throating Stephen Fry" as indicating the reader giving to rather than receiving from Stephen Fry
wondering why anyone would build a deep throating robot when there are Stephen Fry
wondering why anyone would build a pole dancing robot when there are Rachels Stevens
wondering why anyone would build a pole dancing robot when there are Rachel Stevens
wondering why anyone would build a pole dancing robot when there are hand job robots
star crackers
From the very first time I rest Myke Hawke on you, girl, my arse is follow t'rough
From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl, my arse is follow t'rough
Ensign Ro Bear Berber Jews
north star whackers
Daning your socks at five in the morning
not having whacked ryan north
I would want to whack Jewel if I were not in a relationship
Mfive motorway closed in escaped bollock alert
Mfive motorway closed in escaped Bullock alert
Mfive motorway closed in escaped bullock alert
not having kept up with David Mamet's output but wondering if he now writes characters who stop interminably to write or read text messages, take calls, or otherwise fiddle with the various personal media devices available today
David Mamet's Sexual Perversity in Chicago
always just parsing the phrase "hardboiled gumshoe" as "a gumshoe who happens to be hardboiled" but now wondering if it is actually "someone who wears shoes made of gum that is hardboiled"
watching a Californian crime drama performed in Sparta, Illinois but set in Mississippi in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled Philadelphian gumshoe is called after a famous cat food
Two window cleaners survive twelve storey fall from Sidney building, they call me Mr Tibbs!
People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices
it was Ferrara's father who suggested he buy it, sand Ferrara did not at first take him seriously
Two window cleaners survive twelve storey fall from Sydney building, crikey
Ro Bear Berber Jews
Berber Jews
important underwear
omniscient underwear
omnipotent underwear
impotent underwear
exploitive underwear
expletive underwear
expensive underwear
expansive underwear
impulsive underwear
implosive underwear
hacker's warts
Pokemon Baby Murder and Sex Assault
the Temple of Quechula
baby murder, sex assault, I've done it all
implosive overwear
explosive underwear
Danish Remoulade With The Stars
Mayonnaise With The Stars
I could use a little fuel myself
vanessa tobaccojuice
Polonaise With The Stars
Pole Dancing With The Stars
but on actual intelligence you got a frowning walrus, which is an F
The terrorists wore green military camouflage and black balaclava masks, and in some cases were also wearing explosive belts and explosive underwear
the Canada Glacier
Star Whackers Episode IV Colon A New Grope
The Fuckest Upest
any minute now
Star Whackers Into Darkness
star whackers
his suggested catchphrase, "UP YOURS!" was deemed sufficiently juvenile to appear in the same film as "I'VE GOT TO GET ME ONE OF THESE!" and "WELCOME TO ERF"
Quaid Lohan Twentytwenty
Quaid told reporters he planned to remain in Vermont and was interested in joining the volunteer air force militia to help destroy the alien mothership
Quaid told reporters he planned to remain in Vermont and was interested in joining a local volunteer fire department
Bill Cosby told comedian Kenan Thompson he'd need rotten ho Spiro Agnew to handle all of Hollywood's women, the "Saturday Night Live" star said Tuesday
Bill Cosby told comedian Kenan Thompson he'd need to obtain another prescription to handle all of Hollywood's women, the "Saturday Night Live" star said Tuesday
it's safe to say that by "handle" he meant "sedate with powerful pharmaceuticals then sexually violate"
Bill Cosby told comedian Kenan Thompson he'd need to grow another penis to handle all of Hollywood's women, the "Saturday Night Live" star said Tuesday
Monkey dropkicks young man after the guy appears to flash the middle finger at the wily primate
bottoming for Will Smith in Felch Prince of Ball Hair, Indy Felcher's Day, and The Fursuit of Felching
It would not be beyond the realms of possibility that somewhere outside of our own universe lies another different universe, and in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction
Pole Dancing Robots Draw Crowds to Major London Tech Startup Event
A New Jersey man is facing charges for allegedly wiping "between his butt cheeks" with a police summons before throwing it at an officer
bottoming for Dick Dastardly in Whack Off Races VII
Lindsay Lohan to run for President in twenty twenty against Kanye West
darling you smell like ape's fist sack
darling you smell like fake cat's piss
African civets have been kept in captivity and milked for their civet which is diluted into perfumes
wikipedia made me do it
boning a Chinese dragon on Dragon Bone Slope
biting to the rear end and taking it all
fighting to the end and taking it all
a driver in St Petersburg, Russia, was filmed throwing another motorist off a bridge
CCTV cameras have filmed a driver in Kunming, China, attempt a U turn in the middle of a busy intersection
A man living in a two bedroom flat near Bristol has had to move house after winning a tank in an online auction
One Killed, Four Injured in Shooting at ZombiCon in Florida
being subjected to Princess Madeleine's empty dead eyed stare hiring a sex therapist to help your dog celebrate becoming a man the felch prince of ball hair
being subjected to Princess Madeleine's empty dead eyed stare
hiring a sex therapist to help your dog celebrate becoming a man
the felch prince of ball hair
plenty of lip and tongue action
spooning Princess Madeleine's boobs
A male dog wears a specific yarmulke, a thin skullcap
rubbing out a fresh prince in his own Bel Air mansion
rubbing out a king in his own palace
half your age, seven plus
I mean, I had already rigged up my chain apparatus and brought out my whips for this Monday, and then I hear that you're running off with some lesbian meatpacker trollop, how the HELL DID YOU THINK I WOULD FEEL
what an IDIOT I was
maybe I thought that you would think about MY feelings for a change
maybe I wanted us to be exclusive, but I was worried about losing you, did you ever think of that
I mean if you feel jealous, that's natural, but it's not like we said we were exclusive
it's totally fine
dating a woman who chops up penis shaped objects for a living
it's fine
also, she recently broke up with her boyfriend, so she's at least been sausage compatible
half your age plus seven, man
she's at least twenty
bet
I'll be she's not even age appropriate
wondering what it is you find so attractive about unavailable lesbians
having the sausage being the problem
really wishing you had the sausage to ask out the girl at the deli, who is just amazing
really wishing you had the balls to ask out the girl at the deli, who is just amazing
being dickrolled, if you know what I mean
being dickrolled
Dick Dastardly is probably not going to be my best friend by Monday afternoon
Richard Walter Jenkins, look you
Richard Walter Jenkins
William Hogarth with his Pug, Trump
all the beach volleyball images in Top Gun turning me into someone gay
all the beach volleyball images in Top Gun turning me into someone good
marionettes, mechanical puppets, machines, movie characters
all the beach volleyball images in Top Gun
turning me into someone good
AMAZING! FOUR WALRUS EIFFEL TOWER!
AMAZING! FOUR PUG CONGA LINE
Jimmy Wales Announces First Major Post Wikipedia Project, "We're no strangers to love, you know the rules and so do I, a full commitment's what I'm thinking of, you wouldn't get this from any other guy"
Jimmy Wales Announces First Major Post Idiot Jew Rape Pick, "Asses Galore dot org"
Jimmy Wales Announces First Major Post Wikipedia Project, "Asses Galore dot org"
all the beach volleyball images on wikimedia
I would want to spoon Jewel if I were not in a drawer
tekwarnymy
teknonymy
a go getter, you know, a trend setter
Nuralagus rex mundi
Rick Astley is probably not going to be my best friend by Monday afternoon
Nuralagus rex putting thing directly in Monsieur Hollande
These dinosaurs grew fast and became teen moms
Nuralagus sex
Nuralagus rex
putting thing directly in Monsieur Hollande
Earthworm Chris
Earthworm Man
Walrus Boy
Walrus Girl
Josh Trank's Squirrel Girl
I would want to bang Squirrel Girl if I were not in a relationship and she were not a fictional character
PIDOOMH
putting things directly in Squirrel Girl's bushy tail
PIDIMH
putting things directly in Squirrel Girl's ass
PIDISGA
the love spat is a little old place where we can glass each other
PIDIKAAHM
PIDIKA
PIDIMA
PIDOOMA
Geller also claimed that the star on Kadabra's forehead and the lightning patterns on its abdomen are symbolisms popular with the Waffen SS of Nazi Germany
bending Uri Geller's gender
bending Uri Geller's spoon
Pokemon Goose and Maverick
Uri Geller's Sonning bent spoon sculpture disappears
eating a spicy breakfast and a spicy lunch
kind of loving it when multiple definitions on rubberdicknancy argue with each other about what imaginary unspeakable sex act the words refer to
imagining Her to be a female version of Him from Powerpuff Girls
Perfectly outlined male genitalia in biker shorts
wanting to take your brain aside and say listen buddy, we got better things to do
only realising because of the scene with people in night clothes
having a complex dream that started out perfectly normally with an adult version of your highschool crush as a biologist helping solve a murder mystery on a cruise ship and ended when you realised she'd morphed into Her
Austrian Research geneticist Dr Alex Hesse has a nightmare about infants urinating in a library
goose nuggets
A former meerkat expert at London Zoo has been ordered to pay compensation to a monkey handler she attacked with a wine glass in a love spat over a llama keeper
Patrick Shaw, who is also head of security at the Saskatchewan legislature, says three party bus companies have been pulling up in front of the building late at night and allowing people to pee on it
El Nino
Cause bobe, yt is as moche to say as rostyd chese
Playboy Entered a Future Noon, Long Meow
Norman Mailerdaemon
Oliver's warty pig
Roman Polanski knocks over ten year old posing in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
Moby knocks over ten year old posing in Japan
Murdered woman hanging from fence mistaken for Halloween decoration
Boris Johnson knocks over ten year old during rugby game in Japan
a self described humanist with a presumably ironic picture of Margaret Thatcher in their twitter bio
having beautiful waffles
rubbing one out in the waffles at IHOP
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not in a relationship with another straight guy
not beating Kento
Delivering a 'Customer Mania' service level
Lou Reed Described Bob Dylan as a Pretentious Kike
all the jobs that don't require chitties you don't have being cunt jobs for cunts who like cold calling old ladies to swindle them
UK Court Rules That Tunnel Is Not a Sport
UK Court Rules That Bridge Is Not a Sport
looking up adult dance classes but never joining one, if you know what I mean
Matt Daemon
looking up adult dance classes but never joining one
maybe it was your parent's thirtieth or thirty fifth anniversary
getting your dad a family personalised Monopoly game for his sixtieth
giving up Monopoly
never taking up dance again
giving up dance classes
opening your Monopoly to play with it like a normal person, back in the day when you were one
once getting in trouble for goose stepping at primary school, which to be fair you were doing, but it started out as half forgotten exercises learned in the dance classes you'd already given up some years earlier
they probably made a dozen different versions and there are people who own them all
vaguely recalling one of your friends in high school having a Star Wars Colon Monopoly but that was well before the prequels
Can Can Binks
becoming afeared of a board game
being pretty sure your copy had a Padme piece even though there apparently wasn't one
that apparently Monopoly Colon Star Wars Saga Edition had special Star Wars rules, but you don't remember them
building a hotel at Tosche Station and cleaning up on power converter revenue
if Monopoly makes you so mad, maybe you shouldn't play it first thing in the morning
it kind of went in the cupboard for reasons about a year after I got it
it does include the prequels but I don't remember the board
that Monopoly is the worst game ever because it is composed of equal parts griefing and luck with no need for skill
wondering if that includes the prequels and hoping that the Gungan side of Naboo is the fucking gutter
owning Monopoly Colon Star Wars Saga Edition but never playing it
that they make Monopoly for fucking everything
I didn't feed them it, they kept bugging me and I was paranoid about how young and friendly they seemed and convinced myself they were prostitutes or something
wondering if that's the same place where you fed your sausage to those teens
legitimate teater
live teater
confirming that the Scottish bar is indeed still there, but having to stop and giggle at the teater around the corner
wondering if that godawful Scottish bar off Radhuspladsen that backs onto the Irish and English bars just around the corners is still there
He was expelled from Denmark and lived thereafter retracted until his death
that apparently Kimmie Gibbler is listed as an American expatriate in Denmark on wikipedia
all vegan pig, all the time
all pig, all the time
that, while looking up information on Denmark to find out if it actually does have the highest percentage of English speakers as you had been told, you learned that it also has the highest meat consumption per capita in the world
being an ice road fakir
ice road fakir circus trucking
braiding your rod polse together
George Peppard gorging himself in order to poop hard
wondering if the listing of Avril Lavigne on Marilyn Manson's "associated acts" page is vandalism, or if they actually did collaborate on something
Shick Shack Day
a loaf of bread on a pole
He also told a police officer that President Barack Obama and LeBron James were his brothers, and Oprah Winfrey was his sister
Potter Christ
reading a 'story' about Moby sending his free underwear back four times
reading a 'story' about Anne Hathaway sending her kimchee back four times
reading a 'story' about Anne Hathaway sending her breakfast back four times
Reginald VajayjayJohnson
Vajayjay Johnson
penis, pooping, urine, horny, crapping, and "vajayjay"
being seriously very concerned about the health of Bruce Willis while watching Die Hard V
Die Hard VII Poop Hard
Die Hard VI Ow, My Hip!
Die Hard VI would tentatively feature the return of Bruce Willis as John McClane, but only to bookend a story set in nineteenseventynine
eating super dumb and puking in bed
eating super dumb
being super dumb
video nasties killing the radio nasties
video nazis
video nasties
discovering that the problem is that when you try to install update nine of eleven, steel melts at fourteen hundred degrees centigrade, now, jet fuel burns at
installing update one of eleven
I swear to god I'm getting dumber every day
restarting three times before you realised that you have to push the thing slightly to the left or the updates won't be installed
spending like fifteen minutes trying to work out if it was imgur or your computer that was feeling uncommunicative
don't get smart with me, they might run out of CD plastic like they did when Windows NinetyFive shipped
it's good you reserved it, because otherwise they might run out
having a hate relationship with technology, largely because you resent how much work keeping it running and up to date is
I reserved it, I just can't be bothered to clear out ten gigabytes of space for it to install into
it'll stop if you finally give in an reserve your copy of Windows X
windows suddenly deciding it's in the middle of a multiple reboot update
IcierCaskEh
ICheckRaise
cannabis fucked anal duct enjoying ninety nine percent support
'Cannabis fucked anal duct' accused of ruining a statue at London's King's Cross train station
I know, I voted for them
unbalanced duck fanatics enjoying ninety four percent support
Naked woman destroys Subway restaurant in Anchorage
'Unbalanced duck fanatics' accused of ruining a statue at London's King's Cross train station
Firefly sucks
randy tasers
horny body armor
having never seen an episode of Firefly, but remembering Buffy as being quite good, in a filmlook interminable drama serial nineties kind of way
a furry chipmunk sized critter with tiny hedgehog like spines, horny body armor and an unpleasant fungal hair infection
having never seen an episode of Buffy, but if it's anything like Firefly you hope you never do
Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump will be exercising his comedy muscles as the host of NBC's live sketch show "Saturday Night Live" next month like on that season of Buffy where the bad guy was also the mayor, the network said on Tuesday
Israel Bolsters Security in East Jerusalem After Violence, Like In That One Episode of F#R#I#E#N#D#S# Where Joey Makes Chandler Get In the Box
Astronomers may have found giant alien 'megastructures' orbiting star near the Milky Way reaming the whole universe
no study area is complete without adequate plant life
Astronomers may have found giant alien 'floppycocks' orbiting star near the Milky Way
wishing that the headline writers would just write "Astronomers may have found giant alien 'megastructures' orbiting star near the Milky Way, like in that one episode of TNG with Scotty" because you know that's what they really want to write
your boobs having met ryan north
breastgasming a king in his own palace
Astronomers may have found giant alien 'dragonflies' orbiting star near the Milky Way
I wanna fuuuuuuck Milky Way
Astronomers may have found giant alien 'megastructures' orbiting star near the Milky Way scouring the whole universe
Astronomers may have found giant alien 'wafflestructures' orbiting star near the Milky Way
you don't want to know how they did the seeding
imagining a supercivilization of fat gay Asians that rose and fell billions of years ago, but before its collapse traveled the universe seeding planets with the DNA and thought memes that provided the foundation for Eiffel Towering
that somewhere, fifteen hundred light years away, two idiots are writing regrets about Dyson Sphering Kento, a member of a species that they cannot even conceive of, yet whom they instinctively find contemptible
Astronomers may have found giant alien 'megastructures' orbiting star near the Milky Way
scouring the whole universe
having been to ancient worlds
giant floppy cocks in Eighties propaganda movies
special floppy cocks
embarrassment
that if Donald Trump can have Power Through Ignorance as his motto and get it to work, you should be able to as well, but you can't even be as dumb as a fucking moron
taking literally twenty minutes and direct conversation with three other people to understand the error you had made
wondering where you left that reset button
worrying that you actually are stupid, all of the time, in literally every sense, and people are just humouring you and when you finally realise that you've done something dumb it's not even the dumbest thing you've ever done, it's just the one you notice
wondering why you always have to turn out to be so much less intelligent than you imagine yourself to be, like, couldn't you just be dumb and not know it, or is that too much to ask
the sandy menace
There's no way I'm going to stay in India long enough to shoot a tiger hunt
craphole tunnel syndrome
crapal tunnel syndrome
fisting arthritis
Fist Dartho
Darth Silica
cinematic universes that only have eight episodes so far
having beautiful spoons
long tinsel rent
Darth Llandaff, isn't it, fool of a Took!
Darth Llandudno
Darth Lando
Darth Fett
Darth Gaysnake
I think there's a possessive missing there, because I happen to know it's a planet of gay snakes
junk fields
Star Wars Episode VIII Colon The Revenge of the Sand
Through his intense rage, Maul was able to survive and escape to the junk fields Lotho Minor, where he spent the next twelve years of his life with little to no memory of his former self
Darth Fisto
arresting a klingon in his own PETAHQ
Darth Padme
giant cockney fops
Degrassi Gnoll
INFINITE floppy cocks
Force Ghost Anakin being a different old man to the old man who had briefly appeared on screen for thirty seconds, five minutes earlier
COLOSSAL floppy cocks
being slain by a grassy gnoll
Darth Jar Jar
internet gnolls
gnoll's gnorks
just now realising that as a long time Star Wars fan, you're likely to receive a whole lot of crappy merchandise this Christmas, even though you have no interest in the new movie
not really seeing how getting one actor back for a cameo could make the eighth movie in a sequence lower its standards
There is a rumor that Hayden Christensen is returning to 'Star Wars' to ruin 'Episode VIII'
World Peace clearly was distraught about Odom's health after the game
The ranch staff says they want to be in the room with Lamar but since they're not family they're not allowed
the swan in the yellow hat
wondering if female gnolls have enormous clitorises like hyenas
gnolls
Tesla IUDs
the truth is we were much too young
snork's norks
snorks
orca's norks
orcas
norks
orks
orcs
Wales v Australia will be a 'massive battle' says Michael Cheika, crikey isn't it
shitting a werewalrus with a half chinease long haired menu in his hand
shipping a werewalrus with a half chinease long haired menu in his hand
shipping
seeing a werewalrus with a half chinease long haired menu in his hand
Miles Hoopla
it's hard to grasp
wondering what kind of food a boob would buy on ebay
tutelary deity
hoopla
farting the dead bee
parting the red sea, if you know what I mean
deader than the red dead sea
not having boobs ryan north
Ryanie Northbang
not having banged ryan north
that "The Kodiak Twink" will never be the nineteen forties movie about gold prospectors in the Yukon that it should have been
not having sprinked ryan north
Franglais
thinking you were going to a Chinese restaurant but it turned out to be a half chinease long haired restaurant
I was abducted by reptile aliens who raped me on the moon every night
thinking you were going to a Chinese restaurant but it turned out to be a chin restaurant
thinking you were going to an Indian restaurant but it turned out to be an Indiana restaurant
An Amish man who sent hundreds of sexually charged text messages to a twelve year old girl was arrested last week when he drove a horse and buggy to an Indiana restaurant where he had arranged a rendezvous with the child, according to police
one MD at a hospital in Aomori Prefecture let his short temper show recently when he punched a patient in the gut during a late night visit
wondering what the other three countries you've lived in are
Man hospitalized trying to remove hemorrhoids with toy sword, and that's not even the worst part
Buck Ofama
Hinomoto Oniko
"Why do we get such letters only from America" the British magazine commented
The Economist later pointed out with amusement that it received a letter from a reader in Boston who thought the word "niggardly" was inappropriate
Morgan Freemagical Negroes
architecture, rat's cocks
sculpture, shitballs
Natalie Portmagicalnegro
Natalie Portmanteau jokes
Natalie Portmanic pixie dream girls
October is the jerkiest month, sprinking chocolate chips upon her breasts, rubbing one out in the bathroom at church, drinking the water in Mexico
poetry, fuck
pottery is a sacred trust
I'll mess you up
I messed it up
half nelsoning a king in his own palace
beautiful
October is the jerkiest month, spooning, chocolate chips upon her breasts, sprinking, Chris Lydon and a walrus, Eiffel Towering, pansies with hot shit
in my country, boobs spoon YOU!
your boobs buying spoons on ebay
one of these days these boobs are gonna spoon all over you
these boobs are made for spoonin'
not asking auto girl
throwing that girl's bra on the communal bar & grill
stealing that girl's bra from the communal bar & grill
October being a jerk month that just likes to fuck people around not putting a grill out and still thinking about that one time you didn't even try to put a grill out ten years later, you pathetic never was
October being a jerk month that just likes to fuck people around
not putting a grill out and still thinking about that one time you didn't even try to put a grill out ten years later, you pathetic never was
not putting a grill out
not asking a girl out
not punching that toddler when you had the chance
ironically the fix appears to be waving around a piece of paper issued more than six decades ago in another country, even though there's no possible way that could verify anybody's adult identity in any meaningful sense
they pulled the same thing with my father the last couple of times he renewed his passport, and he absolutely categorically has never been anything but a full UK citizen, he was just born overseas
in this case it probably means they lost the documentation, or "lost" the documentation
that in all four countries in which you have lived, saying that you are there "illegally" basically just means that you didn't fill out the documentation properly, it's just a scary word that rarely means that you're going be deported or executed
pizza topping for Bernie Sanders in Big Black Voter Problem VII
topping for Bernie Sanders in Big Black Voter Problem VII
Bernie Clifton's big black ostrich problem
Bernie Sanders's big black voter problem
UK resident of forty eight years is illegal, says Home Office
the Donbass People's Militia
trying to think of someone with a more shootable eye than Jackson C Frank
Pussy Tebeau
Ugly Dickshot
Chubby Cox
honestly wondering how Jayden Smith walks down the street without getting punched
your food buying boobs on ebay
his face was made for punching, and that's just what you'll do, one of these days he'll get his face punched in by you
it would still be worth it
hoping that if you were ever in a position to punch Seth MacFarlane in the face, your rational mind would be able to realize that if you ever did start punching him, you wouldn't be able to stop until his brain was pate, and murder has a harsh punishment
getting scarred working hard guarding cars for the stars with Stellan Skarsgard
Uber's rubes
the amazing Regreh Inder
Inder and Tuber
Pokemon Tinder and Uber
imagining it would have to be something like a cross between Tinder and Uber
Fellate Hayden Christensen Now To Get Free Shipping On All Your Future Orders!
wondering if we're getting creepier since the time travel sex list thing
wondering who the first celebrity modelled RealDoll was based on
we should have pitched StarMunchers to the Celebrity Regrettor
every time you try to book it adds Hayden Christensen to your cart automatically
having your fingers crossed for Rachel Stevens
like, who would be the biggest name celebrity who would actually sign up for it
wondering what the viability of a service like StarMunchers would be
watching a British royal drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hard boiled cockney king is arrested in his own palace
ordering a ryan north melt twenty minutes ago and still not having it
lizards and frogs doing it, lying on a log
Category colon People with washable cars
still not knowing what that means
trying to think of someone with a more punchable trout than Natalie Portman
Madonna's religious icon career
living in a material girl
Madonna's porn career
something in fashion
Madonna's singing career
Playboy to No Longer Feature Meowed Nun
Playboy to No Longer Feature Ween, Mound
Madonna's acting career
Playboy to No Longer Feature Nude Women
freebasing at something
freelancing at something
having finished all of your work for the next week and briefly considering being weak and pathetic and normal
having finished all of your work for the next week and briefly considering getting back on a nearly human sleep cycle
Full English was almost universally panned by critics, most pointing out the show's poor attempt to emulate American animated shows, notably the uncanny character resemblances to Family Guy, as well as the poor art designs of the characters in general
One of those rare holiday movies that may send children screaming under their seats
New York Times film critic Ben Kenigsberg said that Cameron's acting "sounds so forced you half expect the camera to pull back to reveal hostage takers"
LEONARD THE GOAT
Online film critic James Berardinelli described the film's comedy as "about as funny as the anal rape scene in The War Zone"
Deutschland sucht den Superstar
trying to think of someone with a more punchable face than Matt Damon
starmunchers dot ca slash hayden , eh
getting digits from that Polish chick in
only realising you had a hearing problem when your friend drunkenly wished you would hit on her and you invaded Poland and France instead
eating obese fart off of your own boobs
Survey colon one in three vegetarians admits to eating meat when drunk
An Italian porn actor and director is starting an academy to teach aspiring adult film actors and actresses the tricks of the trade, and aptly names his training session "Porn University"
Let the police know if you encounter an aggressive or threatening door to door meat salesman in Dripping Springs, the Hays County sheriff's office said
'My dog was driving' colon Florida DUI suspect tells cops during arrest
throwing up roast beef on your own boobs
throwing beef under Jewel's bust
throwing up beef under the bus
throwing beef under the bust
throwing beef under the bus, if you know what I mean
Quantum Quest Colon A Cassini Space Odyssey
throwing beef under the bus
I find it hard to believe that a survey would have found a majority of any population saying "No thanks, I don't want any bacon"
the homophones Epicurean and Epicurean refer respectively to a form of refined hedonism and the production of epic amounts of urea within the body of a glutton
wondering when and why the definition of Epicurean changed from enjoying simplistic tranquility to a rich white dude paying five hundred dollars for force fed goose liver
Hitler, and by the way, screw you ND
Hitler, ND
putting on women's clothing and hanging around the Boston aquarium
putting on women's clothing and hanging around in bars
wanting to open a lumberjack themed gay bar called Homologs
taking the hugest homolog
homologs, no homo
homologs
Cosby testicles for seven inches in abuse suit, lawyer says
Cosby testifies for seven inches in abuse suit, lawyer says
the student leader, who identified herself only as "Bicoid Babe" provided the cryptic comment "this is dildos!"
that'll show 'em!
Texas students are planning to hang sex toys from their bags in protest at a law allowing people to carry concealed weapons on university campuses
Cosby terrifies for seven hours in abuse suit, lawyer says
Straight Eye for the Straight Guy
tricking a straight guy into fisting another straight guy
not really getting the appeal of Michelle Tanner
when a straight guy loves a straight guy, can't keep his mind on nothin' else
tricking a straight gay into dating another straight gay
ikedakin
regretkin
Umm Nyolokh
otakukin
fictionkin
not really getting the appeal of Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks
not really getting the appeal of Michelle Pfieffer
Cosby testifies for seven hours in abuse suit, lawyer says
trading in your Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks for a signed framed authenticated Michelle Pfieffer glossy but then severely reducing the value of the glossy
that the StarMunchers blog hasn't been updated since January twenty eleven
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen sitting in his living room with an erection watching the door and saying "any minute, any minute, yessir, any minute now, eh" to his skeptical roommate
not having to smile and be happy any more
not being an open mouth in a beehive any more
not being half alive any more
not being thirty five any more
because they wrote it
the recurrent concern that one day, someone we talk about, other than Kento because honestly, Kento, amirite, will turn up and there'll be this long terrible discussion about them on the front page
Little Red Haired Girl smashing watermelons
Charlie Brown smashing great pumpkins
It's the Great Charlies, Pumpkin Brown
ninety percent of deviantart
Painting Goblin
ganderfucked JERRY
genderfucked JERRY
genderfucked george
metrosexual george
bicurious george
the man in the yellow hat
Roman Zolanski
Chris Gaines
sex tape
video lies
tricking a straight guy into melting ryan north's tuna
#HotPussyArrow
#MontrerVotreChaussez
#ShowYourStrapOn
#ShowYourStrap
tricking a straight guy into meeting ryan north
on the obverse, the face of Kento, on the rear, the ass of Kento
pillaging a chestful of doubleryans and burying them in Tortuga
paying in doubleryans
the doubleryan
on the obverse, the face of Ryan, on the rear, the face of also Ryan
envisioning a kind of coin
doubleryan
double
douberyan
spending almost all day in bed, like a teenager
Pokemon Lying Flat Against the Ground and Run Away Like a Little Bitch
When threatened, the ostrich will either hide itself by lying flat against the ground, or run away like a little bitch
not knowing Counting Crows lyrics well enough to follow that up, and not being interested enough to look them up
Mr Jones and me trade each other Dutch rudders and stare at the pretty girls, she's on your bang list, oh no no, she's Eiffel Towering me
spooning Billy Corgan's smashing pumpkins
Nikolaschka Pillkallen
Nikolaschka
Jennifer Aniston's patented nipular area
a two handled, portable machine which, when turned, emits a heavy push pull electronic wave in a series of stuttering 'baps'
drowning in Jennifer Aniston's poops
shoveling Jennifer Aniston's poops
spooning Jennifer Aniston's poops
members of the House of Lords wear egret lined robes
always getting the words egret and ermine mixed up in your head
it's just one of the many services provided by Paul Reiser's charity, Guttenhouse
it's hard to grasp
wondering where a hobo would get the money to hire a stenographer
wondering how Adam Duritz became a successful musician, because despite his talent, his lyrics read like a hobo hired a stenographer and he kinda looks like it might really be the case
We all want to be big stars, but we don't know why and we don't know how
enumerating egrets
Jennifer Aniston's trademark nipular area
counting crows
wondering how many monocled British gentlemen accidentally show up at Smashing Pumpkins concerts
Homer Simpson smiling politely
Jennifer Aniston's nipular area
Gallagher smashing watermelons
Billy Corgan smashing pumpkins
scissorhand milked maleload
Emirates Athreeeighty featuring Jennifer Aniston
hand milked maleload
hand fuck railroad
eating cheeseburgers off of your own boobs while you run down the stairs having dinosaur sex with the left one eight episodes per season
Myke Hawke, the captive of which he speaks
liking cheese on your breasts
having the California breasts
liking cheese on your burgers
her heart, the captive of which he speaks
I would want to bang Jewel if I had not met Ryan North
grand wank railroad
wankin' at the car wash
The Utah National Guard and the Utah Department of Public Safety on Friday both were investigating how and why their personnel appeared in a video with British bikini models gold digging ditches
diggin' a ditch on the subway in Montreal
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not a mini turtle
tricking ryan north into dating a mini turtle
being a mini turtle
women in metal bikinis bring in donors by standing on a slug with colorful laser swords or blasters
no springs sex
Montreal, NO SPRINGS!
ditches and holes
ditches
diggin' a ditch
on the subway
in Montreal
colorful cardboard signs or posters
magazine Jane
liking fur on your burgers
fur
Tom meets hottie Holly at the Burger Joint on lunchbreak and she shows him what she likes on her burgers
the concentration of our national health and Asianity
the concentration of our national health and fatness
The Utah National Guard and the Utah Department of Public Safety on Friday both were investigating how and why their personnel appeared in a video with British bikini models digging ditches
the concentration of our national health and gaiety
selling home bottled "spring" water in Hellmann's jars as a child in Montreal, NO SPRINGS!
women in bikinis bring in donors by standing on a roadside diggin' a ditch
American Lap Rape
American Rape Pal
Subway Apparel
Maybe if he wasn't where he is now, he'd be one of those perverts on the subway
selling home bottled "spring" water in Hellmann's jars as a child in Montreal, J'MEN CALICE!!!
selling home bottled "spring" water in Hellmann's jars as a child in Montreal
women in bikinis bring in donors by standing on a roadside with colorful cardboard signs or posters
Irishing up your breakfast
having a breakfast of potato croquettes, potato salad, and pommes frites and suspecting you eat too much potato
Charney claimed to have slept with employees, and reportedly masturbated numerous times and had oral sex performed on him by an employee during a series of interviews with a writer for the magazine Jane
Kento's dick
Kento's ass
Ballet With Buffalo Wings
wondering how hard it would be to get Jewel to cover Closer
wondering how hard it would be to get Jewel to cover Bullet With Butterfly Wings
you could have a steam train, if you'd just lay down your tracks
wondering how hard it would be to get Jewel to cover Boom Bang a Bang
I would want to SMASH Jewel if I were not in a relationship
DONKEY pumpkins
GOAT pumpkins
GREAT pumpkins
SMASHING pumpkins
SMASHING recognizers
super recognizers
Tiny Tiger Nation
abito
Tiny House Nation
lOO% Jellyfish Leather
Mickey Mouse In Vietnam
Chris Trudon
waxing the California girls
shaving the California girls
grilling the California grills
just once
wishing James Earl Jones would only accept awards if Darth Vader's theme played as he was walking to the podium, and that he would then just stare sternly at the audience, breathing in time with Darth Vader's breathing sounds
Williams stated he intends to accept the award by giving the same speech eighty times
I would want to BOOM Jewel if I were not in a relationship
Star Wars Composer John Williams to Receive Lifetime Achievement Award
worst slavers ever
just one
Playmobil pirate ship has black slave toy with a shackle around his neck
MacGyver Happy Trail to Doomsday
compagnie 'elle'
Lambdacism
krilling the California gills
Kaitlyn Regehr seeks London bus sex attack Good Samaritan
that scene in the special edition of Star Wars Episode I where Obi Wan, Qui Gon, and Jar Jar braid their penises together and
French Labor Tensions Ease as Garbage Collector Strike Ends
he should have wiped better
MacGyver Colon Trail to Doomsday
why'd YOU move to France
Tube Wankers Episode I is the Star Wars Episode I of tube wank porn
Tube Wankers IV is the Birdemic of tube wank porn
Tube Wankers VII is the Heat of tube wank porn
wondering why spammer algorithms think it best to bombard single sites with endless copies of more or less the same links, like they think we're like "well, the first one hundred and sixty times this was posted didn't do anything for me, but now I'm sold"
being evasive
Tube Wankers VII is a modern classic
you were probably thinking of that scene from Tube Wankers VII Colon Six Guys Wanking Into Tubes
that you would swear there was a scene in Twins explaining the origin of the "perfect" sperm that was basically like six guys wanking into tubes that fed into the mother, but apparently you were either thinking of something else or totally imagined that
being genuinely surprised that we get such generic spam here when, you know, we ought to be getting pretty awful stuff
tricking three straight men into having sex with a baby simultaneously
having sex with fremen simultaneously
having sex with three men and a baby simultaneously
having sex with three men simultaneously
A Massive Bleaching Event is Threatening the World's Anal Reefs having sex with two men simultaneously
A Massive Bleaching Event is Threatening the World's Anal Reefs
having sex with two men simultaneously
A Massive Bleaching Event is Threatening the World's Coral Reefs
It's just a strong looking structure that kind of reminds me of her having sex with two men simultaneously
wishing that you could actually visit ionine one day and not get a bunch of ass shit articles about X Men and Transformers and all the other fanspooge nonsense that has nothing to do with science
Minnesota man builds an Eiffel Tower of love as 'memorial' for his sick wife
turning the California girls into an elaborate, narcissistic and self defeating project to better yourself
fellating the California girls
berating the California girls
minimalizing the California girls
deflating the California girls
inflating the California girls
tricking a straight edge guy into dating another straight edge guy
elating the California girls
elevating the California girls
kissing the California girls
thousand island imams
thrilling the California girls
holding the California girls
ranch imams
manic harms mansion
manic harms
Super Chairman
main charms
Ms Chairman
Rachmanism
mention of Jewel
Women into bestiality take great pride in being able to take the knot
that we've mentioned Kento more than fourteen times for every mention of Jewel
knotting Jewel's bowels
burying Jewel's nuts under ebay
buying Nut's jewels on ebay
buying Jewel's nuts on ebay
trying to use ebay to gague how much an Alaskan country singer songwriter's breast tissue is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
buying Jewel's boobs on ebay
your ass selling food on ebay
that there haven't been any spambot barrages in like six hours
your boobs selling food on ebay
Pokemon Look You Now and Isn't It
Pokemon Krakynge and Babelynge
which is why there are no Welshmen in heaven
So St Peter went outside the gates and called in a loud voice ' Cause bobe, yt is as moche to say as rostyd chese ' at which all the Welshmen ran out, and when St Peter saw they were all outside, he went in and locked the gates
it is told that God became weary of all the Welshmen in heaven, 'which with their krakynge and babelynge trobelyd all the others', and asked the Porter of Heaven Gate, St Peter, to do something about it
The word Welsh may have been adopted because it was used by the English to mean "foreign" or "inferior"
figuring Ryan will drop by and nuke the tuna melt again at some point
wikipedia dot rog
that you would reimagine Alice Eve as a hot tuna melt if you were not in a relationship
Disney Princesses Reimagined as Canadian Cartoonists
Canadian Cartoonists Reimagined as Hot Tuna Melts
Disney Princesses Reimagined as Hot Tubs
Disney Princesses Reimagined as Hot Tuna Melts
I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P Diddy Combs has my chip to my money I want my chip please help me It's well worth over lOO zillions of dollars
A man who claimed to be mistaken for Chris Martin sued Donald Sterling for making threats against him
Burger King's Black Halloween Burger Is Turning People's Poop Green And They're Freaking Out
Disney Princesses Reimagined as Hot Kids
seeing Donald Trump crowning
New species of rat with 'curiously long pubic hair' discovered
stopping be
A new report shows that sexually active women have a much better chance of getting pregnant than those who remain abstinent, a press release from Eurekalert reports
figuring Ryan will drop by and nuke the comment database again at some point
A production crew shooting a promotional film for the city of Houston said they were robbed at gunpoint while shooting the famous "We Love Houston" sign
Disney Princesses Reimagined as Hot Dogs
Myke Mother the Hawke
wondering if the spambot comments will eventually peter out or if we'll be stuck like this forever
My Mother the Car
the death of Paula Prudfemme
the death of Paul Prudhomme
Spencer Stone, one of the three Americans hailed a hero in the French train attack in August, is in serious but stable condition after being stabbed Thursday near a Sacramento bar
wondering which of the dockers is considered the bottom
tricking ryan into being another ryan
tricking a straight guy into eating another straight guy
tricking your boobs into buying food on ebay
boobnuts
giggling because Chrome's console has a "dock to bottom" button
your boobs buying food on ebay tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy
ever giving your boobs access to your credit card
loo turtles
llO turtles
your boobs busting nuts on ebay
your boobs buying nuts on ebay
reading a book of short stories, one poo at a time
Ryan H Tron not having meth
turlet turtles
wondering where in England Ruth is from
lOO turtles
hot tuna melt Ryan North
wondering where in England Herschel is from
in the red you're better off dead
any way the wind blows
Montell Jordan's Flying Circus
A leading German newspaper has offered a profuse apology for a front page that implied Adolf Hitler had returned to sort out the refugee crisis
the death of Jaleel White
Indiana University frat suspended after video surfaces of apparent hazing sex act
being a marmoset
not tuna melt Ryan North
being a mammarist
I love my job and everything I've been told indicates I'm on the fast track career wise
lighting your pony tail on fire
being convinced Reign of Fire is a good sequel to Chariots of Fire
being glad that they managed to get Alice Krige back, but still not being convinced Reign of Fire is a good sequel to Chariots of Fire
being trapped in an ATM vestibule with Ten Inch Hero
being trapped in an assimilation chamber with Alice Krige
being trapped in an ATM snowball with Alice Eve
being glad to see Rachel is back but wondering what it is she wants to pay in
being a stripmalist
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not a minimalist
being a maximalist
Doggett, who was outside the residence drinking an alcoholic beverage when police arrived, was arrested for public intoxication and booked into the county jail, leaving his partner, Scully, alone to finish the case
wishing that Millard and Guillermo would stop being so coy and admit that they have feelings for each other, even though Millard did just go through the nasty breakup with Pablo
OCD spambots that have to post Ten Commandments at a time
all those minimalists sure having a lot to say
nut shaving meth Ryan North
his girlfriend, Ms Faye Woodruff, would not give him any ass
Florida school board reaches $sixhundredG settlement over principal who hypnotized students
not shaving meth Ryan North's privates
OCD spambots that have to post ten comments at a time
not having meth Ryan North
drawing a picture of Quinton being Eiffel Towered by Bryon and Albert while CocoDCCCLXXXVIII watches from a tree and masturbates
Time Trap
Room VIII
i imgur com zcjvxthreeT jpg
thinking Bryon and Albert must have a thing going on, because they're always busy at the same time
being trapped in an ATM vestibule with Alice Eve
preparing yourselves, you know it's a must
toylike people making you boylike
really despising the way websites look at your browsing history to deliver you targeted content of things you've googled or looked up directly on their sites
wondering who could possibly resist gobbling up the first and only deity created woman, especially since she's made of ribs
that you would gobble up Alice Eve if you were not in a relationship
Now that "Gravity" has debuted to positive reviews and enthusiastic responses at the Venice and Toronto film festivals, it's likely to gobble up eve
you can't invite a couple of Riddlers to stay in the Bat Cave, if you know what I mean
being able to use the comments to have discussions that won't automatically remain on the front page forever
wishing that you could somehow convey to the spambot "HEY THERE ARE ONLY TWO PEOPLE HERE AND NEITHER OF US ARE GOING TO BUY YOUR SHIT"
Santo isn't interested in football
you can't invite a couple of Riddlers to stay in the Bat Cave
Scott Walker, DJ Jazzy Jeff, Picard's mercenary alter ego from the two part episode Relics, the classic Nintendo character Luigi, Caroline Kennedy, and Jake Gittes all commenting on boobs buying food on ebay
bottom boobs
top boobs
recent boobs
most spooned boobs
knowing that if you just waited long enough you would get hand job offers on the Robot Index
US dollars
knowing that if you just waited long enough you would get job offers on the Regret Index
Fausto's battery's about to run out
living in a post captcha society
gigandes polanski
Michael Lee Aday
gigandes plaki
Italy Priest Sanctioned for Blaming Children for Pedophilia
Chinese walls
thinking that Ridley Scott was teef, mon
thinking that Ridley Scott was teeth
daywalking
writing regrets that confuse dead directors with cartoon tigers at six thirty in the morning before going to bed
Tony Scott has been dead for at least fifty five thousand regrets
wondering, and not for the first time, what the fuck is wrong with us
thinking that Tiny Tiger has integrity
thinking that Ridley Tiger was grrrreat
that it was actually Tony all along
thinking that Ridley Scott was death, the great leveller, the destroyer of worlds
he's been dead for some time
that Tony Scott is dead
people without eye teeth and brows
thinking that Ridley Scott was dead
people without eyebrows and teeth
hurdlers without hurdles
putting "dirty" in the search bar and getting back the suggestion "dirty kiwi rape cupid site", which is sort of adorable
picking up that Double Penetration Edged Sword at Jimmy Savile's estate auction
putting "dirty" in the search bar and getting back the suggestion "dirty wikipedia pictures", which is sort of adorable
Double Espresso Penetration Razor Edged Sword in the Low Blow Your Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow French Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot and Heavy Dirty Pocket Fisherman Dead Pool Loan Shark Monsters
Double Penetration Edged Sword in the Blow Your Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow French Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot and Heavy Dirty Pocket Fisherman Pool Shark Monsters
Double Penetration Edged Sword in the Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Dirty Pocket Pool Monsters
Double Edged Sword in the Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Dirty Pocket Pool Monsters
Sword in the Stone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Stone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Aaahh!!! Real Hot Pocket Monsters
Hot Pocket Monsters
Er ist wieder da
Pokemon Hot Pockets and "Seinfeld"
He's a fan of Hot Pockets and "Seinfeld"
every day I'm amazed you left
yours is better
Yakety sax gay priest after highly public coming out
honestly being surprised that Calista Flockhart's frail frame managed to successfully birth a child
Tenor sax gay priest after highly public coming out
Harrison Ford's hairy son's fort
everything you ever said
everything you ever did
I kissed a grill and I'm horribly disfigured as a consequence
down
way down
the way down
all the way down
pants all the way down
vinyl pants all the way down
it's vinyl pants all the way down
INELUCTABLE SECURITY
it's the vinyl pants, down
vinyl underpants
Honey Kinney Ross
navy splint
vinyl pants
no joke here, just regret
Boy, eleven, shoots girl, eight, dead 'because she wouldn't show him her new puppies'
how many fries a Stephen would fry if a Stephen could fry fries
Smegma Tribbiani
Vomit Buffay
Feces Bing
gelling urine with Uri Geller
it's short for urine
TV illusionist Uri Geller has unveiled a giant spoon statue as a parting gift to the Berkshire village where he has lived for thirty five years
blowing your lodestone
An online posting from six years ago included the unlikely revelation that she used to read to her son a book by Donald J Trump, the real estate mogul now running for president, who recently suggested that childhood vaccines cause autism
In an online forum, answering a question about state gun laws several years ago, Ms Harper took a jab at "lame states" that impose limits on keeping loaded firearms in the home, and noted that she had AR fifteen and AK forty seven semiautomatic rifles
The Green Banana
The Golden Banana
The Blue Banana
SanSan
ChiPitts
BosWash
Ancient megatsunami hurled boulders nearly as high as Eiffel Tower
the Boston Strangler strangling the bands Boston and the Stranglers in Boston
that if you went to sleep now, you could get almost six hours of sleep in before you have to be anywhere
An anarchist is now over by a woman
that one really horny walrus
An anarchist is won over by a woman
The average fat gay Asian person has "been Eiffel Towered" by the population of Boston and a walrus, according to a shocking health survey
Florida Police Arrest Woman For International Butt Munching Incident
Florida Police Arrest Woman For Domestic Butt Munching Incident
Florida Police Arrest Woman For Domestic Nut Munching Incident
Florida Police Arrest Woman For Domestic Nut Punching Incident
The average Irish person has "slept" with the population of Puerto Rico, according to a shocking health survey
Liono fellates Panthro
auntie Em eating anteater meat in Antietam
Magneto fellates magnets
fucking magnets
insulting Turkish airspace
American Apparel vows to "build wall around Mexican Apparel" and "make Mexican Apparel pay for it"
American Apparel files for Chapter XI bankruptcy
"masochistically dismembering a goat in a ritual sacrifice"
Triumphal Arching
wondering what they called Eiffel Towering in ancient Rome
Kentonian Ikeda fellates Odobenus
the Simpsons are going to Andorra!
getting one shot at doing that joke and managing to screw up the punchline
people, all the people with big bellies banging bigger drums
being the only country in the world with naturally occurring Unobtanium
The Andorra Strain
being the only monarch in the world elected by common people and it is not even the common people of the country of which you are the monarch
wishing that Donald Trump would have made a guest appearance in the Stephen Colbert slash Pewdiepie interview, because it would be the confluence of the three most inexplicably popular people on the planet in your opinion
Old Woman's Island
better heads need shut eye
it really would be too simple to turn a description of a horrible use of sex as a means of oppression into a regret about Kento, Chris Lydon,and walruses
In layman terms, the husband is required to sit in the room while the chosen seed bearer, or a couple of them, rape his wife or wives
If you think my fingers look fat, you should see my fist
If you think my fingers look fat, you should see my ass
what happens when you freeze a hardboiled egg "sadistically dismembering a goat in a ritual sacrifice"
what happens when you freeze a hardboiled egg
"sadistically dismembering a goat in a ritual sacrifice"
French custom officials shaved by one hundred and fifteen dwarfs
French custom officials seize one hundred and fifteen live scorpions
Fart Ender's Game
chairman of Florida's Libertarian Party resigned his post Thursday to protest the party's US Senate candidate, accusing the rival of supporting eugenics and for being expelled from a cult group for "sadistically dismembering a goat in a ritual sacrifice"
being a fart ender
being a phartender
being a barmacist
Steve Harwelling Jewel's bread
killing her beautiful left one until she was waffletastic
waking up with a headache which is nothing to do with eating too much sugar last night
I Have No Lips and I Must Balm
starting a joke which started the whole world crying
I Have No Mouth and I Must Smash
Ah, Mom's Tush
voting yes when you meant usually
being smashed and mouthy at a Smash Mouth concert
sad hello's and mad high lows
just a little fuckin' dragonfly
like a dragonfly
it's like ten thousand Steve Harwells when all you need is the sharpest tool in the shed
hailing ants named George with George Antheil
wondering who will start the bidding war between Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller for the rights to Steve Harwell's post career career
he's not the sharpest tool in the shed
Steve Harwell, the bad boy of the county fair circuit
Steve Harwell, lead singer of Smash Mouth, delivered a performance that wasn't exactly family friendly at the Norwalk Oyster Festival on Sunday
promising it to me
promising me the sea
wondering if anyone would notice
wondering if the ancillary members of Third Eye Blind, Sugar Ray, Smash Mouth, Fountains of Wayne, New Radicals, and any other generic late nineties rock bands ever forget what band they are in and show up ready to play at another band's concert
I would want to bang if Jewel and I were not in a relationship
Sugar Ray gay priest after highly public mouth smashing
Sugar Ray gay priest after highly public coming out
Third Eye Blind gay priest after highly public coming out
smooth buttery criminal
Attack of the The Eye Creatures gay priest after highly public coming out
Attack of the Clones gay priest after highly public coming out
ice ice baby
Parts Colon The Clonus Horror gay priest after highly public coming out
Avro Part gay priest after highly public coming out
Avro Lancaster gay priest after highly public coming out
Burt Lancaster gay priest after highly public coming out
Burt Reynolds gay priest after highly public coming out
Ryan Reynolds gay priest after highly public coming out
Ryan North gay priest after highly public coming out
guessing what I have a whole sack of
guessing what I have a whole bag of
John Candy poopin' poppin' candy in the john
Oliver North gay priest after highly public coming out
Oliver Sacks gay priest after highly public coming out
Vatican sacks Asian priest after highly pubic cumming out, no homo
Vatican sacks gay priest after highly public coming out
i imgur com oneZuIsixmz jpg
Boba Fett cheesestrings
Fisto the Great
October deferred
Lucrezia Orko
Man at Arms, Queen of Scots
Mr Oneballa
one ball
He Man Boleyn
Skeletor of Aquitaine
Conan's drum conundrum
echidna puggles
having never seen The Karate Dog, or any of the sequels, or the remake
braiding a twelve inch gungan
sharing a twelve inch gungan
shaving a twelve inch gungan
shaving a ten inch cock
trying to load the entire 'dex on your phone to jog your memory of earlier this year
eating a ten cock tart
having a ten cock tart
The Romance of the Devil's Cum Fart Tsunami
Devastators Colon Transformation
The Romance of the Devil's Fart
Transformers Colon Devastation
having a ten o'clock start
President Obaby
Mr Obaba
Mr Obaba continued, "Amongst our allies are the Hanseatic League, the Papal States, the Kingdom of Siam, and all of the Etruscan city states"
President Obama, addressing Soviet intervention in Syria at a White House press conference, said Tuesday Iran and Syria President Bashar Assad represented Russia's entire coalition "and the rest of the world makes up ours"
having never seen The Karate Kid, or any of the sequels, or the remake
fisting Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner and putting it on the internet
you should've got a better bed
Shrek's friendly but garrulus font
needing to add Jennifer Grey to your list
The Human Jennipede
fusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner
never needing a cum fart tsunami, stat
needing a cum fart tsunami, stat
hippacrocopigs
The Forme of Cury
that Jewel is forty one
Syllabub
knocking up fiftysomething Lea Thompson
being too late to buy the limited edition "being born too late for tall ships and too early for star ships" tshirt
Your potential regret of Bareback to the Future has already been added! It currently has a regret index of ZERO
converting your time machine into a novelty car and picking up older, still hot Lea Thompson in it
converting your novelty car into a time machine just to go back in time to bang a younger, hotter Lea Thompson
The Karate Twenty Three Year Old
that Lea Thompson is fifty three
The Three Wishes of Billy Grier
Shrek's friendly but garrulous sidekick
The Last POW The Bobby Garwood Story
The Secret of NIMH Two Colon Timmy to the Rescue
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead
that Ralph Macchio is fifty three
something something Demi Moore's poo something something cumfart tsunami something
Spoonboob Jewelpants
to get them feet off wouldn't take a mo
the Sponge of the Bob
the Poo of the Pool
the Spoon of the Boob
the Stool of the Groom
emoji, emoja, emoji, emoja ha ha ha ha
he is not given candy
poople
being amazed that not one but two companies have thought that Peeple was a good name for a product
Only two prime ministers after World War II, David Cameron and James Callaghan, have been left handed
Kal El Coppola Cage
the Groom of the Stool
Europe's most perfect knight since WWII
Julian Assange releasing Edward Snowden's cum fart tsunami cache
Wikileaks releasing Edward Snowden's cum fart tsunami cache
having to get up in five hours
finding out how tight otitis is
still having that nude picture someone posted years ago
I'm going to assume it was one of Bicoid Babe's beaus
wondering to this day who the Baby Faced Ear Sex Maniac was supposed to be
a cum fart tsunami of Edward Snowden
a landslide of Edward Snowden
He doesn't need a Clinton scandal to win the Democratic nomination, but he will win the nomination in a landslide of Edward Snowden is correct
wondering if you would leave me if I started dating again
not being sure you ever knew the last name of the last person you had sex with even though you saw them pretty frequently in a non sexual capacity for a few years after that
having never sent or received sexts
having never sent sexts, but having received them
feeling like you've really missed out on the smartphone era by not having sex and putting it in cloud storage like a normal person, but consoling yourself with the knowledge that some guy probably had a good look through your webcam without you knowing
things just going in one ear and out the other with you
genuinely having to think about whether you know who Jennifer Lawrence is, beyond one of the dumb sluts who had her sex pics stolen
genuinely having to think about whether you know who Jennifer Garner is
friendly murdery
friendly mercury
confusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner
by all the best of all the latest news from your computer and the other side of the Crown of the King of the most popular online and offline mode of payment, please
shooting a man in Jean Reno, just to watch him die
out of control cumfart tsunami snowballs
needing a new project
that Jennifer Lawrence can fit ten marshmallows in her mouth together simultaneously but she won't swallow, and there's nothing funny about that at all
being welcomed to erf
walking in on Jizzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince
drawing a picture of Uncle Phil taking the hugest dump on a pizza while Will goes Big Willie Style on the stuffed crust
Peeple
Keep Your Pizza Jizzy at All Times with This New Pizza Pearl Necklace
expounding french spirit all night long
Keep Your Pizza Near You at All Times with a Shit Uncle Nephew Cock Pizza
Keep Your Pizza Near You at All Times with This New Pizza Pouch Necklace
Bibendum was a lord of industry, a master of all he surveyed, and a patriotic expounder of the French spirit
It's like our mothers are forced to lift up their skirts to make money because their children won't feed them
Freddie Murdery
shooting Queen
Bacchus ladies
lending your drones to a dishonest pistolpacker
The Feds Want to Talk to the Doll Who Made That Stamen Shooting Queen
Battle Creek the show, not the movie that never happened
reading a THR breakdown of the Battle Creek budget purely because it's a name that now grabs your attention
The Feds Want to Talk to the Gene Who Sang That Pistol Packin' Mama
The Feds Want to Talk to the Guy Who Made That Pistol Shooting Drone
remembering about fifteen years ago when you were teaching your mom basic computer skills and she had real problems understanding the concept of a file, because in the noncomputer world a file refers to a thing in which you put many documents, ie a folder
seeing the floppy disk save symbol and thinking it must be more than a decade since computers regularly came with floppy drives
misreading process as princess
wondering if there is a term for the process by which a metophorical use of a term becomes more common than an original concrete use of it
seeing the word bookmark and automatically thinking of the internet kind
using things as bookmarks before you're really finished with them
being Old Media
not being smart enough to write down an appointment anywhere but on the card it was given to you on
losing the appointment card that has been on your desk for like two weeks
tripping your nut roast into a frenzy of dik gravy
dick gravy
dik gravy
god gravy
diik gravy
good gravy
getting knifed by an emu named Ian at a midnight showing of Night at the Museum at the museum
adronitis
Sections of a Downing Street statement that accused universities of hosting hate preachers are identical to those featured in a report by a controversial thinktank
a foal riding a trials bike
being the lion
I'm the stranger thrilling a DD bra
eating the parsley
SodoSopa
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the cum
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the cum tsunami out of an asshole trope
Pope Lando
needing to add Beverly D'Angelo to your list
sometimes having ideas that are like drunk talk or stoner jokes and genuinely wondering whether you caused yourself some brain damage
never getting any further with the concept of rewriting The Tempest to feature poo jokes and poo concepts on every line than downloading the text from Project Gutenberg and making a note to future you to do it
Joe Pasquale's Cumfart Tsunami
Fat Gay Asians VII was the My Cousin Vinnie of cumfart tsunami porn, in that everyone has to stop and think for a second about whether Pacino or De Niro were in it, but then they realize, no, it was just Joe Pesci
having had the theme from Junior Kick Start stuck in your head for a couple of years now
wondering what the Heat and slash or Righteous Kill of cumfart porn is
Tom Dong Abbey
being officially into the crankiest month of the year, Shitty October
where all the sirens are blowing
sucking her left one until she passed out from hypoxia
having beautiful breath
taking my crust away
taking my breast away
HE WAS IN THE POO!
Japan's Kinki University changes its name due to awkward English meaning
HE WAS IN THE POOL!
Myke Hawke hasn't gone anywhere, he's just hiding
taking Myke Hawke away
taking my breath away
GUNKWAD used CUM FART TSUNAMI! It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Three more women came forward decades ago to accuse veteran comedian Bill Cosby of sexually assaulting them on Wednesday
grilling the California waffles
Three more women came forward on Wednesday to accuse veteran comedian Bill Cosby of sexually assaulting them decades ago
bottoming for Rick Gunkwad in The World's Widest Cum Fart Tsunami MMIV
Rick Gunkwadd
Darkwing Duck
The World's Widest Cum Fart Tsunami
thinking that you saw Richard Attenborough and his daughter at a fireworks display a few years ago, but then remembering she was killed in the MMIV Cum Fart Tsunami
Dong and Driver were the Pacino and De Niro of cumfart porn
the two vas deferens definitions of the word "seminal"
the two vastly different definitions of the word "seminal"
Pokemon Ballbusting Blowjobs and Femdom Cumshots
wondering how Steve Driver could murder Tom Dong after their seminal work together on Annette Schwarz is Slutwoman I, Cum Fart Tsunami II, Femdom Cuckolding & Ballbusting Gangbang With Sindy Rose, and Veronica Jett's Ballbusting Blowjobs & Femdom Cumshots
it's a gummy bear
wondering whether this thing on my inner thigh looks more like a mole or a wart to you
turns out I have another hour
I appreciate the notice since I am your significant other, but you don't have to keep me updated of your daily goings on
having to take a quick shower and then rush out for a couple of hours
you'd have to ask Kento
wondering, if you were to infiltrate an online community of butt plug fetishists, whether they would be more impressed with your claims of girth or of depth
A thirty year old porn actor who went by the stage name Tom Dong was killed in a Samurai style sword attack in Van Nuys June first
The World's Widest Bum Toy
bottoming for Tom Dong in Tom Dong's Gone Wild VII
Tom Dogs Gone Feral
The World's Wildest Tom Dog
Tom Boys Gone Wild
The World's Wildest Tom Boy
an impudent, cunning, or boldly flirtatious girl or young woman
matriculating into Brown University, spending five years doing nothing but getting stoned out of your mind and accumulating debt, then dropping out three credits short of graduating
staying up when you were supposed to go to sleep
enjoying the thrill of vicarious racism as you remove Bill Cosby's wikipedia biography from Category colon Brown university people
graduating from Brown University summa cum laude during Midnight Organ Recital
receiving an honorary doctorate from Brown University, if you know what I mean
Brown University has revoked the honorary doctorate it awarded to Bill Cosby as the comedian and actor faces allegations that he sexually assaulted more than forty women, the Ivy League school said on Tuesday
promising to check into a hotel as Dog Paper Johnson sjould you ever need a pseudonym
that carrot in front of Kid A
Dog Paper Johnson
that carrot in front of a kid
wondering if Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ever considered naming his daughter Dog Paper
wondering if Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ever considered naming his daughter Kid Rock
watching Black Mirror because of the pig thing but being three episodes in and thinking it's much less clever than it thinks it is
spring like a mechanical energy store
beans like a spring
that curly hair is what you get when you're full of beans
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's Kid Brutus Has Died After Eating a Toxic Mushroom Colon 'His Soul Is in Boy Heaven'
wondering why anyone would aspire to have curly hair, I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing, just why would anyone hold that carrot in front of a kid
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's Dog Brutus Has Died After Eating a Toxic Mushroom Colon 'His Soul Is in Pup Heaven'
She was a huge breasted, hairy chested, flying purple people eater
Patrick Stewart's hair loss correlating exactly with his refusal to eat crusts
that your roommate is a huge breasted hairy chested seven foot tall poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth
WA man shoots self in scrotum while fighting off meth hallucinations of 'Mister Sex Adolescent'
bottoming for Mister Sex Canine in Cruel Anal Labs VII
WA man shoots self in scrotum while fighting off meth hallucinations of 'Mister Sex Canine'
thrilling that girl's A bra from the communal laundry room
WA man shoots self in scrotum while fighting off meth hallucinations of 'Mexicans in trees'
I'm the stranger thrilling a KADABRA
Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford tweeted an invitation encouraging anyone with a spare $LXXX to join him and brother Doug Ford for a bachelor party
I'm the stranger thrilling an A bra
you should have eaten your crusts
I'm the midget shaving an arab
I'm the stranger thrilling an arab
The lyrics, however, were changed from "Holding an Arab" to "Thrilling an Arab"
being shaved by two Kids Rock
Robert James Ritchie
The lyrics, however, were changed from "Killing an Arab" to "Kissing an Arab"
A Vile Goofy Movie
urban tacos
street tacos
An Extremely Goofy Movie
A Goofy Movie
Vile man who masturbated and then ejaculated on a female train passenger is jailed
shitting on the beach with a gun in your hand
shitting in Fremont
I want to get fuckin high
let's go and see the stars, or see the stars, or even stars, well it could just be stars
bragging about shitting in Vermont
penile plethysmography
shitting in Vermont
shitting in vermouth
I wanna eat the sun
that's what that point seven is
it could just be stars
deaf phone edging
nine months
videocalling people you don't know to masturbate at them seventeen point seven times a day for almost ten months
"In every call made through ZVRS's software platform, Marcano appears on the video call for the purpose of exposing his genitals or masturbating to ZVRS's female staff," according to the suit which seeks unspecified damages
shitting in her meth
missing something out but being too tired to go back and find out what it was
the Mist Veteran Prize for Dull Elfin Ancient Ex Weblasses
the Mist Veteran Prize for Excellence in Skinflute and Blewass
the Steve Martin Prize for Excellence in Skinflute and Blewass
never learning to play the skilletbanjo
shutting in her moth
sucking ass so hard you inverted the whole human centipede
shitting OUT her mouth
rutting in Nunavut
running the gamut
never learning to play the panflute, if you know what I mean
wondering why you thought that the plural of mouth was mouthes and you actually had to google it to be sure
never learning to play the panflute
Tatunca Nara
funambulism
It wasn't what you would call a bad submarine because it could have blowed every house down because they were all in a row there
joining John Cleese's glee club
shitting in, um, Thor, eh
baby cakes
the Steve Martin Prize for Excellence in Banjo and Bluegrass
winning a Grammy for $eque$tering a kilogram of ha$hi$h in Ke$ha'$ kei$ter
winning a Grammy for cramming a kilogram of goose in Graham Gooch's gooch
Aliens Colon Colonial Marines
Pokemon Colon Totally Nude and Exposed
Amy Fisher Colon Totally Nude & Exposed
A Description of the Western Islands of Scotland
twenty American women who are average, plain, and rather ill mannered, getting taken to London to master the finer arts of British society and be crowned "American Princess" and earn valuable prizes
The special drew controversy over its premise before it even aired and further complaints after the special aired because Rosolie was not, in fact, eaten
Rocabarraigh
enchanted queen of the tube
a male contestant was asked pointed personal questions, which were then asked of both his wife and secretary, to find out which of the two knew him better
enchanted queen of the sand
Iram of the Pillars
I don't want to see a ghost, It's the sight that I fear most, I'd rather have a piece of toast, Watch the evening news
someone left Myke Hawke out in the rain
time's a precious thing to let go by
someone's left the cake out in the urinal
urinal cakes
urinal walruses
internal walruses
tell that to internal affairs
walruses would be much better
that we should have police rhinos
Britain's most disappointing tourist attraction is to be dismantled and sent to Calais to be shelter for migrants
Police in Swindon have apologised for disturbing members of the public with their sirens to settle a debate started a by a five year old's query on whether they go "nee naw" or "woo woo"
Human skeletal remains fall out of discarded couch on Belt Parkway
Man caught urinating on Brooklyn street shoots himself in the groin while trying to ditch gun colon police
he loved that dog
Indiana was the name of George Lucas's own dog, and was the original source for the forename of the Indiana Jones character
it was an eerie dog
wondering why they named the dog Indiana
we named the dog Independence
Myke Hatalane independence
Mariposan independence
Martian independence
Mictlan independence
Catalan independence
taking some of that cold medication that alleviates your symptoms in return for temporary terms of insanity
taking some of that cold medication that gives you the insane dreams
nobody wants to be mistaken for a Tory in today's Britain
if you get really desperate, you could always go down to your butcher and ask for the David Cameron Special
yeah, but that girl goes way back
pretty much everything you've read here in the past few years that isn't yours is mine
she might just be working in a different town now
I kind of just took a stab in the dark as to whether the homeless girl who sells magazines was yours
bummer
I'm pretty sure she got deported
there's always the homeless girl who sells magazines
the girl at the deli is not interested, but the girl at the greengrocers thinks I'm the shit
I don't think you really count as my significant other, we've never even met
the funny one, that way at least you can laugh about it
your significant other asking you to choose which one Wayans brother you would ass nail if you had the opportunity
I don't wanna lose you, this good thing, that I got
Marlon Wayans' ass nails
wishing that once you disliked a vidoe on youtube it would stop showing up in your recommended videos
rapper Baby Wipe
rapper Fetty Wap, who is presumably unrelated to the actor, philanthropist, Olympian, and psychiatrist Fettys Wap
When we're talking about diversity, you do it in the casting of the film, not in the casting of the show, wicked pissah
When we're talking about diversity, you do it in the casting of the film, not in the casting of the show
a seventy eight year old grandfather said he bled for several minutes and became dizzy after being punched in the face at Costco for confronting a man about taking too many Nutella samples
wondering what drives a man to get tattoos of Freddie Mercury on his arms to differentiate himself from his twin brother, instead of just not growing the same beard, not bleaching and styling his hair the same way, or not wearing the same clothes
whenever you are unwell
NATO forces estimate that the pro waffle rebels now control up to eighty percent of Shoreditch
Gary told me how the idea came to them when they were hungover one morning and what they really craved was breakfast cereal
The owners of Shoreditch's cereal cafe this evening said they were attacked by an "angry mob" as anti gentrification protesters threw paint and cereal at their windows
The City of Janesville subsequently renamed a one block street adjacent to the former Janesville High School "Wow, Centaur Skirt Hem"
henwoman branches
The City of Janesville subsequently renamed a one block street adjacent to the former Janesville High School "Kerwin Mathews Court"
mandrake roots
A wheezy quest story steeped in hobbity gibberish and second hand Star Wars costumery, featuring a cast so uniformly uncharismatic you may pine for the methody depths of Kerwin Mathews
overly critical Sith
Tim Duncan as Snails
critical Sith
Marlon Wayans as Snails
critical shit
We are so excited about bringing the world of Dungeons & Dragons to life on the big screen
when a dancer becomes the dance
critical hits
watching the lantern dim, starved of oxygen
guessing that at some point, your libido will return
your body deciding it's okay to sleep and sleep at random whenever you are unwell
always being confused by the idea that there is chocolate in Oreos
Tube Queen Azami
Pike Queen Lucy
Galadriel Stineman
licking Italians
drawing a picture of Kento being arraigned in the Massachusetts Superior Court for first degree megarufucanicide
chocolate is poison to dogs
drawing a picture of Kento smearing peanut butter on his oreos as Clifford the Big Red Dog looks on
Slit Calk Acing I
lacking italics
Foam Rubber, USA
Nadia Comaneci
peanut butter Oreos
wondering if there is room for a late parody of the Fellowship of the Ring which simply returns the surviving characters to an academic setting and has them all chasing too few tenure positions, and also whether there would be any jokes for humans in that
she's got a powerful hold on me
regret edging
I came very close to writing that one
sexless tomcat, llooking for a kitty, llook you now
General Gaybar
sexless tomcat, llooking for a kitty
cool cat, looking for a kitty
ten sexless tomcats' tent
contextless statements
that the days can't be like the nights in the summer in the city
you're either getting really ripped off, or you live in a really cheap place
spending twice your monthly rent on three lick jobs last night
winning twice your monthly rent on three tens last night
listening to a British acid jazz song performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney sex offender wears a stupid hat
seeing a car with HOO on the license plate and feathers on the mirror
realising the music of Jamiroquai, played through a PA that completely strips out the bass, just sounds like a cockney muttering about all the sexual assaults he's committed
eating salad cream with Queen in a bar in Dar es Salaam
eating crisps in hidden salad cream, cheerio
eating chips in a hidden dip
antimony agents
there's only one immigration policy I believe in, and that's fuck 'em all to death
antipieing agents
anticaking agents
music loud and women warm
you can face defeat
every chance you get
the bird will nest with the one that she has promised her heart
she says you is mine but I don't know that's right
not being mad or weirdly aroused and ashamed after watching a movie for the first time in months
being a cold heartbreaker, fit to burn
Sodomy by Force, Fear, or Threats
having a ten thirty
apropos of nothing mentioning that you've been humming various parts of Swan Lake for months, which is weird, because although you know you've heard it and probably seen it performed, you couldn't recall it, and the name eluded you
la la la la
I don't have to watch the new one because rationalization works like that
guess I've got brain problems
I'm still flinching, especially during the sexy parts
it probably didn't make me a better person
I see where you were coming from but it's not all like that, and there's some real gems there
on balance the project was worthwhile from the point of view of seeing some great performances
welp, guess it's time I was getting on and killing myself
there's nothing else but a college film that's impossible to find and some Sesame Street stuff that's impossible to Netflix or Amazon Prime or whatever because of copyright
that's it, I win
it was really good, it built tension, it kept you guessing, it genuinely entertained, but the after credits scene really threw you because you didn't think it was part of a cinematic universe
warpaint
possibly the fright wig
honestly not recognising Winona behind the performance
always hating that piano shit
now it's fine for no reason
I never asked for this
unbelievably it's skipping badly
always wondering if the Fox Searchlight logo was meant to be that red
this time next week I'll be eating shit
I'm gonna win that contest
tonight's the night
A fight broke out at Boston aquarium's Christmas party when a podcaster and a walrus argued over the affections of a walrus keeper
A fight broke out at London zoo's Christmas party when a monkey keeper and a meerkat keeper argued over the affections of a llama keeper
souse
a spectral minion cook might become a berserker because someone in the past criticized his cooking and was no longer around to apologize for the remark
vegan pressed duck
it's just words to me
I didn't think this could get any grosser
like a hydra's severed heads
it'll grow back
discovering that Kento's a biter
Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, unintentionally bisected wormlike penis
really wanting to experience the opulence of pressed duck and foie gras, but only being able to spring for the bruised apple with unintentionally bisected worm
make sure you get the pressed duck with foie gras so you can maximize the number of animals tortured to prove how rich you are
hot duck splatter
pei pa duck
THAT'S HOW THEY DOPE ANTS!
canard a la presse
dank matter
Finnish demonstrators attack refugees with stones and fireworks
barely legal matter
Jesus with erection pacifisting Go Ikeda
Jesus with erection
pacifisting Go Ikeda
Nuragic civilisation
Helike
Russian monitor Novgorod
papal donk on it
papal dank matter
Reseau Outre Mer Premiere
Japan's wam lakers have a fistfight over pacifism
dank dark matter
Japan's lawmakers have a fisting over pacifism
Japan's lawmakers have a fistfight over pacifism
in West Philadelphia Pope is dope, in the pulpit is where he spends most of his days
Pope Is Dope Philly
Six Reasons Why The Pope Is Dope
THAT'S HOW THEY DO PANTS!
Pets abandoned by US troops face death
The pope is dope
AN ITALIAN tourist shouted at a door steward at "I am going to have your testicles with spaghetti and white wine sauce" when he was ejected from a pub
The Sexy Donald Trump Costume Has Arrived
like a little Rory Calhoun
A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver's trigger
Nearly naked 'grumpy old woman' glues bum to Croydon
Nearly naked 'grumpy old woman' glues bum to Croydon department store in bizarre protest
the Rapiest Egg Theft Ever II Colon the New French Extremity
kind of hating Gene Roddenberry, that perverted bastard
kind of degloving Gene Hunt, that magnificent pelt
wam dark matter
Four College Students Killed When Duck Boat and Charter Bus Crash in Seattle
warm dark matter
the Rapiest Egg Theft Ever I
Francis Xavier Aloysius James Jeremiah Keenan Wynn Hot Dark Matter Geldof
the greatest pie fight ever
Her favorite celebrity topics are plastic surgery, Scientology, alcohol intoxication, substance abuse, snooty attitudes, eating disorders, and stars whose sexual orientation is disputed
Francis Xavier Aloysius James Jeremiah Keenan Wynn
hot dark matter
WGN TV Mistakenly Runs Nazi Image With Yom Kippur Story, da Jews
WGN TV Mistakenly Runs Nazi Image With Yom Kippur Story
Fred Smoot referred to this act as "runnin through the okra patch"
Florida Police Officer Accused of Distributing Child Pornography While on Duty
boobtocks
spooning Fictional Marina Sirtis's buttits
having the same wallet for sixteen years or more
the fact that Gene Roddenberry is no longer alive to clarify the positions of Fictional Marina Sirtis's breasts
the little Winonas of Ryan
that even if Fictional Marina Sirtis's breasts don't conform to the milk lines, two of them will always be to the left of the other one
having just assumed that Fictional Marina Sirtis's three breasts would be placed symmetrically on her torso, but I guess there's nothing that says that can't be two on one side and one on the other
comments
usuring Jewel's boobs
ecotitusury
outsecurity
that from now on whenever you think someone is attractive, you'll tell them they're reasonably certain
shitting pretty
sitting pretty
eating pretty
being pretty
sewing
being pretty sure that sometimes you just hand people a random amount of change and they hand you a random amount back
Heinz Baked Elves
sucking her left TWO until she had a breastgasm
Half Baked Elves
bottoming for Maple Ryder in Hey Buddy What's Goin' Doon Friend Is It You Guy, eh
Winona Elves
the little walrus of Ryan
Maple Elves
the little death of Ryan
the death of Ryan
wondering if it is Too Soon to start impersonating Ryan in the comments
Three High Elves and a Hobbit
Maple Fever
wondering if Bernie Sanders would agree to write the Three Men and a Baby prequel
Canned Elves
Caned Elves
Wasted Elves
Stoned Elves
Baked Elves
"being raped by three men and a baby whose legs have been replaced by disobedient ostriches simultaneously"
"being raped by three men whose legs have been replaced by disobedient ostriches simultaneously"
Bernie Clifton wrote an essay in which a woman fantasizes about "being raped by three men whose legs have been replaced by disobedient ostriches simultaneously"
still thinking of Bernie Clifton whenever Bernie Sanders is mentioned
Bernie Sanders wrote an essay in which a woman fantasizes about "being raped by three men simultaneously"
able orgy woz ere
able was I ere I saw able orgy
R ABEL ORGY is looking out for R ABEL ORGY!
your rectal blah on Mr Fag, eh
your flag on the marble arch
in one fishing town, called Obama, enterprising locals came up with a solution colon be the jellyfish
in one fishing town, called Obama, enterprising locals came up with a solution colon eat the jellyfish
getting circumcised at Mohel VI
bleaching ass all day and all night
eating ass all day and all night
your beatin' ass
beating off all day and all night
High Elves
Metzitzah B'peh
Mohels of the Old West
beating ass all day and all night
the death of Yogi Berra
sudden influenza
double breasted suits
Raymond Wallace Bulcao
RAY BOLGER is looking out for RAY BOLGER!
wondering if it's too late to put Meghan Ory pretending to be an unconvincing boy on your list
If you only buy one twenty inch canvas print of Paul Ross this year, this is the one to get
drawing a picture of Winona Ryder being Big Ben'd by David Cameron and an elephant
mistakenly implying that elephants are like Winona Ryder, when they would never miss appointments of any sort
Elephants are a pachyderm of sorts, most famous for their roles in Beetlejuice, Dracula, and The Crucible
Elephants are a pachyderm of sorts
Eloquence is a painting of the thoughts
Taco Annihilation
the vagina cannula
the boob tube
Brundibar
hating being filmed on super eight with soup in your ear at a Super Eight
A man who fantasised about "putting a bullet in Richard Cory's head" has been convicted of plotting a mass suicide attack from his bedroom
A man who fantasised about "putting a bullet in Prince Charles's head" has been convicted of plotting a mass cyanide attack from his bedroom
Abu Hamza's Hand Writing
Abi Dalzim's Horrid Wilting
Qaplaing your pants at PETAHQ
Qaplaing your pants
being really disappointed that Michael Dorn can say anything other than "Qapla'"
being really disappointed that Michael Horn can say anything other than "meep meep"
In my German words colon we have totally screwed up
A man has been banned from going anywhere near a slide after his fetish for playground equipment landed him in court for a second time
moving to France to watch thirty second clips on youtube
Rodney Agatupu Anoa'i
I actually just watched a thirty second clip on youtube
moving to France to watch old US sitcoms
finding the name "Cheers" offensive, like whoever came up with it couldn't stop drinking long enough to think of anything less direct
finding even the name "fatworld" offensive, like whoever came up with it couldn't stop jacking off long enough to think of anything less direct
finding even the name "wikifeet" offensive, like whoever came up with it couldn't stop jacking off long enough to think of anything less direct
wikifeet
Winona Rider is an American pornographic actress, most famous for her roles in Skeetlejuice, Cockula, and The Mooseknuckle
Winona Ryder is an American actress, most famous for her roles in Beetlejuice, Dracula, and The Crucible
having impure thoughts about a teenage Winona Ryder's large fleshy, pink midsection
tzAsian
tzgay
tzfat
Cambozola
Kesong puti
Carlsberg Reduced Fat Swiss Cheese
seeing the red link "List of cheeses by countries" on Wikipedia and wondering if there was a page with that title that was deleted, or if someone just really wanted that page to exist but lacked the gumption to make it
Jarlsberg j#ffle grilled cheese
drawing a picture of David Cameron being Eiffel Towered by Slash and a dead pig
Jarlsberg waffle grilled cheese
liking your mid nineties alternative sex symbols like you like your Prime Ministers, with a large fleshy, pink midsection and fucking a pig and slash or Johnny Depp
deep fried Jarlsberg
Professor Ole Martin Ystgaard
mistakenly implying that David Cameron is like Winona Ryder missing an appointment
Jarlsberg
wondering what's wrong with Stanley
being allowed to choose five celebrities you're allowed to fuck when there were only four Golden Girls
watching the Golden Girls when you're older than the characters
wishing you were named Rob Schneider so that whenever you had sex with a woman you could shout "You just had sex with Rob Schneider!" to lower her credit rating
watching the Flintstones when you're dying of lung cancer from all the Winstons you smoked for the last fifty five years
watching Family guy when you're giving yourself an icepick lobotomy
watching Charles in Charge when you're being sexually dominated by Scott Baio
watching Cheers when you want to go where people know our troubles are all the same
thinking that F#R#I#E#N#D#S# ended in two thousand ought one
watching F#R#I#E#N#D#S# when no one told you life was going to be this way
watching F#R#I#E#N#D#S# when you're older than the characters
mistakenly implying that David Cameron is like Winona Ryder
missing an appointment
If you're horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony, my saddle's waiting, come and jump on it
Khak'akamshy'y
setting your alarm an hour late
literally forgetting your fake facebook password every time falling from the western slopes to find yourself alone again #walrusgate in Brownsville
literally forgetting your fake facebook password every time
falling from the western slopes to find yourself alone again
#walrusgate in Brownsville
wanting to ask Kento to turn his head and cough for his birthday, then tell him that the important thing is that we move quickly
the machines that you fly to be a hero, hero of the sky
wishing you were named Rob so that whenever you had sex with a woman you could shout "You just got Robbed!" and never have sex with her again and possibly get shot
wishing you were named Rob so that whenever you had sex with a woman you could shout "You just got Robbed!"
taking holiday in Brownsville
he smelled the gerbil and knew they were connected
Rat Gives 'Hobo' Richard Gere Leftover Pizza
Rat with whole slice of pizza on New York subway tracks
New York City rat taking pizza home on the subway
Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons
wandering stars
homeotherms, no homeo
sand puppies
poikilotherms
Keith Richards documents rock roots in 'Honestly Who Even Still Gives a Flying Shit About the Rolling Stones and the Shitting Sixties'
Mr Scott criticised for inaction as James T Kirk shames the kirk, I'll chin ye
Local Tory group cancels 'pig race' fundraiser after David Cameron pig allegations
Jeanne Marine, yarooh!
Bob Geldof marries long term love Jeanne Marine, Marine's odds of dying of a heroin overdose increase by two hundred thousand percent
drawing a picture of Picard chewing on a Pikachu card
sizzlin sierra
wondering what it's like to be the guy working at the Peoria Civic Center who has to run out and buy Moby ten pairs of underpants only to have him throw his vegan soy milk chai latte in your face because they "weren't FAIR TRADE, DAMMIT!"
bottoming for Rachel Stevens in Arse Club VII
Though now that we've learned he has concert promoters buy his underwear, we have a new appreciation for the guy
Promoters are also required to provide One Direction with "assorted local menus for transsexual prostitutes" from establishments such as KFC, Chick fil A, and Steak 'n Shake
Promoters are also required to provide One Direction with "assorted local menus for after show food" from establishments such as KFC, Chick fil A, and Steak 'n Shake
Along with "well SANITIZED restrooms," Underwood, who is a vegan, requires her dressing room to be stocked with an organic vegetable tray with non dairy dips, three flavored hummus dips, sugar free Extra chewing gum, and a box of peppermint Altoids
How Star Trek Explains The Decline Of Liberalism
#walrusgate
#piggate
The father of a two year old girl whose body was found on a Boston area beach in June says her mother has told him her boyfriend killed the child because he believed she was possessed by demons, wicked pissah
when Willie tries to kiss you, you're all pepper spray and fingernails
one does not simply drive into Mordor
Drunken Collegian, eighteen, Jumped In Squad Car, Asked Cop For Ride To Mount Doom
Drunken Collegian, eighteen, Jumped In Squad Car, Asked Cop For Ride To His Dorm
the boy's defense team has argued that, according to the specific temporal mechanics of his time travel device, events in one quantum reality would have had no impact on our own present
according to court documents, police also discovered evidence of the boy's intent to time travel back to the height of the S Club VII era and attach his own torso to Rachel Stevens's lower half, a class B felony under North Carolina law
prosecutors argued that if the boy were ever told to go fuck himself, he might commit timetravelincestautorape, the worst possible kind of sexual assault
A teenage boy in North Carolina has been prosecuted for having nude pictures of himself on his own mobile phone
walking a lonely mile in the moonlight
traveling down the road and back again
DEEPLY Scald Geldof
La Calavera Catrina
Lacy Bra Sled Geldof
Barely Scald Geldof
naming your daughter Barely Scald
naming your daughter Curb Willies
naming your daughter Bruce Willis
naming your daughter Bryce Dallas
He Goosed Me and It Felt like a Duck
He Shit Me and It Felt like a Dick
Howard marks
He Hit Me and It Felt like a Kiss
Sean marks
codependent catfish
CSI Kento's Sex Life
bizarre, striated, earthwormlike contusion marks
walrus marks
swan marks
thrill marks
hold marks
kill marks
kiss marks
dog marks
kid marks
extraterrestrials is nonexistent
skid marks
the Compendium of Korean Oral Literature
catfishfishfish
catfishfish
walrusfish
swanfish
thrillfish
holdfish
killfish
kissfish
kidfish
dogfish
being unable to eat Hobbit pork products on account of them mess with your gutty orks
going more than a decade without bacon, significantly longer than most of the vegetarians you've ever known
being unable to eat pork products on account of them mess with your gutty works
the ramen you can eat between bleaches without ruining your butthole
eating that conspiracy ramen even though evidence of extraterrestrials is nonexistent, Mulder
eating that conspiracy ramen even though evidence of extraterrestrials is nonexistent
eating that superspicy ramen even though it halves the time you can go between butthole bleaches
darning with ramen in the dining room
eating that superspicy ramen even though it gives you heartburn
Vegan Taboo Bacon Candy
Taboo Candy
Shalom Bacon
Bacon Today
rashers
John Candiru slipping through the urethras while everyone sleeps
John Candiru slipping through the streets while everyone sleeps
John Candiru
slipping through the streets while everyone sleeps
knowing little more about Pokemon than what you have gleaned here over the years
DIKFYSH used SOUNDING! It's SUPER EFFECTIVE!
hoping that the make a Pokemon based on the catfish, but not the animal the catfish, the internet kind the catfish
hoping that the make a Pokemon based on the candiru
Vandellia cirrhosa
Myke Hawkefish
O Catfish! my Catfish!
Lennay Kekua
the catfish are suffocating
they've got gospel in the air
they've got catfish on the table
you passed
that was a test
right, yes
angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity, amen, hallelujah
angels, hallelujah
bragging about darning socks at five in the morning
darning that girl's socks from the communal laundry room
what your elf eyes see
for great justice
mixing things up on your to do list and ending up bleaching your socks and darning your anus
wondering what kind of contract you made with Will Smith
being darned by Chris Lydon in Boston Red Cox VII
tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from five seven eight nine one taught you how to darn socks
that the girl from five seven eight nine one taught you how to darn your socks
damning the torpedoes at five in the morning
damning your socks with faint praise at five in the morning
Grover With Jerry Sandusky Simulator MMXV
Grower With Jerry Sandusky Simulator MMXV
taking longer and longer in bed until finally accepting that you don't have the time for that shower, then taking it anyway, with your dad
Shower With Jerry Sandusky Simulator MMXV
Shower With Your Dad Simulator MMXV
you being so patient
being so patient
equilibrium
BONEDGE used ELEVATION!
wanting to trap Kento under a glass, pull off his limbs and wings one by one and hide him in a bowl of raisins for his birthday
stepping out of the shade
finding a streetlight
living like a rumor out on the edge of the world
being down so goddamn long
ear parcel
seeing things running through your head
so we can make up our minds, love
wondering whatever did happen to the blonde with the big boobs in the red bikini who thought you were literal dirt for having eyes and wasn't best pleased by the white guy with dreadlocks, but then, who is, but digressions aside she's probably single
la providence et la jeunesse ne durent jamais
Carla the stripper, straight from LA
must be a reason why I'm king of
there's a punched out tramp inside you, not a golden boy
letting me take you on an escapade
she'd make a good thermometer if she drank a glass of wine
A mother and daughter died in a suspected suicide pact after being targeted in a tortuous con trick by a woman who used a string of fake personas, a bogus stem cell trial and a fictional government coverup to extort money from the pair
thinking 'bout catching a train
being angry with yourself ten years earlier being a bad habit to get into
there must be a cat dying somewhere every day
having frequently been angry with yourself ten years earlier, but never like this
having literally never been so angry with yourself ten years earlier before now
the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go, let it SHIT DICKS
the way that Shazam withholds handjobs contrary to the laws of robotics
the way that Shazam says it "didn't quite catch that" instead of "I can't do that, Dave"
not being able to identify or even Shazam a piece of music, and lacking the musical skill to reproduce it other than to say it has a bit that sounds kind of like the farty bit in Suzanne Vega's "Tom's Diner"
also, shit all of the dicks SHIT THEM
one remains
European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy
the Scots Guards riding to the rescue of a truckfull of prostitutes, as usual
darning your socks, what are you, French
darning your socks at five in the morning
confusing Cadiz with Cardiff
all men are born free, demanding hand jobs from our robot brothers and sisters
a chicken being kicked around by a horse
a weird fifteen year timeskip
these Juan is sexellent
papery sister
yeomen turd vein
rapey priests
even more nudity
mid tourney
muted irony
more nudity
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Javier Bardem
the dark prince of the darkest principles
wondering if Javier Bardem is an android based on his artificial sounding voice
she says she's not a witch, but it's not sincere
oh, shit a fucking dick, it WAS her
the first totally profane life size fat gay nude in Asian art
the first totally profane life size female nude in Western art
A high school band teacher in Ohio has resigned in response to revelations that she moonlights as an Internet porn star
being kind of tempted to watch a movie tonight, even though it's nearly two already
wondering what if anything will eventually displace "I would want to bang Jewel if I were not in a relationship" as the most discussed regret
Marina Sirtis's fictional third boob
Marina Sirtis isn't fictional
buttering Jewel's freedom
freedom butter
GOPnut butter
GOP filibuster shuts down Federal peanut butter funding
drawing a picture of Obama smearing peanut butter on his genitals as Clifford the Big Red Army Secretary looks on
we're big! we're red! we're not going to bite off your head!
Obama nominates openly big red dog to lead Navy
Obama nominates openly little boy to lead Navy
Obama nominates openly fat man to lead Navy
Obama nominates openly gay man to lead Army
kegling Go Ikeda
kedling Google
ogling Go Ikeda
just now getting that "kentoogle" is "kento ogle"
just now getting that "google" is "go ogle"
French Tickner
Jewel's BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS
Rachel Stevens's ASS ASS ASS
S Club Seven's S S S
Smash Mouth's MOUTH MOUTH MOUTH
drinking black coffee because even though you have milk, it's soy milk and you didn't check before you chose coffee over tea
that whenever someone uses the word "bang" in the sexual sense, you think of this video
drawing a picture of Naga Munchetty and Amy Jo Johnson liking agave syrup off of each other's asses
preferring acacia honey, or agave syrup
there's an awfully large amount of dolphin in this tuna altar
liking your women like you like your clover honey, with enormous breasts
liking clover honey
being blackmailed by Lea Thompson over the sex tape you got her to film of you and Teri Garr last week
most rugged singer's tits
most disgusting regrets
one hundred years of solitudesolitude
phone autocorrect
a hundred thousand regretsregrets
loving for France to move
Francing to love for move
moving to love for France
wondering if you moved to France for love or the other way around
I actually used to that a lot back when flash crashed on every other video
that you can just download YouTube videos to a temporary folder with third party software, watch them with an mpfour player at whichever resolution suits you, and delete them afterwards to save space if you wish
banging your jewels in the car door
wondering why youtube doesn't give you the option to set the resolution of videos to your own wish, rather than just giving you the three options of "tiny," "slightly larger," and "full screen"
ten is the number of the ultraregret, and the number of the ultraregret is ten
Jewel, you magnificent bastard, I spooned your boobs!
spending a couple of minutes trying to come up with a funny comment, but then realising you were just writing a list of celebrities who, if you were ever in a relationship again, you would be allowed to have sex with without breaking the relationship
Jewel cosplay
asking your significant other to pretend to be Jewel
James Bond will return in Suck My Nuts Luv 'Ere's a Fiver Right
drawing a picture of Jewel being banged by Sean Connery
banging Jewel in the bathroom at church
banging Jewel in the car door
banging Jewel
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not in a relationship
the curious childlike horror caused by putting a few sprinks of room temperature syrup into your body temperature waffle
finding Jewel attractive but not wanting to bang her or anything
the curious childlike horror caused by putting a few drops of room temperature oil into your body temperature ear
pouring syrup on Jewel's waffles
peeing syrup on Jewel's boobs
kind of reading Rommel's book, that magnificent bastard
futurami
pastrami
spooning Jewel's boobs, those magnificent bastards
Sam Raimi not naming his kids Future and Past
finding lice burrows in the headgear of Edgar Rice Burrows
we named the dug Sebulba
shitting dicknipples
shitting on Jewel's boobs in Mexico
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the shit on Jewel's boobs trope
An intoxicated sorority leader was arrested early Saturday night after she shat on Jewel's boobs near the University of Iowa campus, police report
An intoxicated sorority leader was applauded early Saturday night after she urinated syrup toppings on the floor of a frozen yogurt shop near the University of Iowa campus, police report
shitting on Jewel's boobs
An intoxicated sorority leader was arrested early Saturday night af