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titty fish?
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a world of regret

feeling like your life is nothing but alternating periods of extreme stress and extreme boredom
dual wielding
big van bangers
jumping dogging pilferers on a skateboard
yeah, like that
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DEAL, MAN
sometimes wondering what the deal is with other regretters but knowing that you're never going to get a straight answer
elder penis gun
penis dungs reel
pee underlings
gender lineups
unripe legends
slowly breaking down on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car
slowly breaking down
undersleeping
the velvet fog, da bears
the velvet frog
when one takes the moisture from one's own or another's flatulence and uses it to masturbate with
the velvet fog
I guess the spirits thought the main vision was a little thin
jumping Springfield Gorge on a skateboard
dyeing hair, with a vagina
getting a handjob in a public restroom from John Hancock
livin' with the things you do to me
Pokemon Vicious and Clean
if you sleep too long the fire goes out
dying hard, with a vegan
you haven't been given your best souvenir
bitterly ironic bits of synchonicity
stupid little bits of zenyatta mondatta
driving past some kids just hanging out on a public lawn the way that teenagers do and thinking "I used to do that, it's summertime, and the weather is fine, I can reach right up and touch the sky" but then nope, endless drudgery for you
MORNING SWAN NO ONE IMO
standing here with your thumb up your ass waiting for this freakin' thing to blow up
something something Wankhouse
enacting Porn Laws to deal with puberty
making puberty history
it's Christmas, you could steal City Hall, I'm walkin' here
not even god knows what you're doing
bottoming for Jeremy Irons in Jeremy's Iron VII
stupid little bits of synchronicity
bending down, isn't it a pity
dying hard, with an erection
dying hard, with a vengeance
we danced like two snowflakes in the fallen wind
I think it's called my destiny
faking it and smiling, living in denial and bleeding and aching, barely awake
not finding Dr Demento or the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band amusing
because you're older than twelve
the fingerprints on me from you
attention seeking catfish
attention seeking regrets SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
attention seeking subject, must have gsoh, own bathtub
attention seeking reporting
attention seeking clothing
living in relative puberty
living below the puberty line
attention seeking puberty
attention seeking poverty
attention seeking regression
attention seeking regrets
I'm gonna be pretty disappointed
Galaxy Kid SixSixSix
not finding Dr Demento or the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band amusing because you're older than twelve
dementia
these liberties were never meant for me
driving past some kids just hanging out on a public lawn the way that teenagers do and thinking "I used to do that, it's summertime, I should be doing at least a little of that, age appropriate of course" but then nope, endless drudgery for you
being just so bored with it all
attention seeking careers
attention seeking behavior
blow me down this wind is getting breezier
or possibly just an asshole
seriously thinking that your father may be in the early stages of dementia
rubbing one out until she had the hugest dump
If this episode doesn't end up being about DJ getting an abortion I'm gonna be pretty disappointed
DJ then refuses because Michelle is a raging asshole who can't even feign tact out of desperation
I'll be the judge of that
they're real and they're spectacular
gay up jugs!
finding out that, well, you need keys to the artesian well on Sark from Anita Sarkeesian
now remember, your name is Homer Thompson
straight up jugs!
spooning Gia's gugs
spooning Jewel's jugs
stealing that girl's abraj from the kudai laundry room
Abraj Kudai
wearing heels is, excuse the pun, a right drag
Danny tells Gia that he really enjoys putting his penis inside of her moms vagina and then he makes a bunch of lame jokes about cologne or something
Also, and I fully recognize that I'm a bad person who should go to jail for pointing this out, but, good lord, Gia's got some straight up jugs!
Danny comes in and mentions how hot it is outside, then he starts beating off under the table while he describes the sweaty construction workers that he just saw working with their shirts off outside
Danny's presence successfully desiccates Marcia Wallace's vagina, as it's done for so many women so many times before, and so she's finally able to control herself enough to hold an actual meeting with Joey
Mary Kate, Ashley Olsen won't be on 'Rueful Holes' semicolon Uncle Jesse 'kroner bathe'
Mary Kate, Ashley Olsen won't be on 'Fuller House' semicolon Uncle Jesse 'heartbroken'
Uncle Leo
The sailors of the Royal Canadian Navy use the term kippers as a slang for members of the Royal Navy
Finally, Danny tells Stephanie to take her ass upstairs to wipe that skank off her face
Comet continues to chase the wiener car until he spots a fine ass bitch and then they run off together to go fuck
I guess it's not at all surprising that these self obsessed assholes would sit around and watch their own shitty show together
They might as well have just kicked him in the nuts
having impure thoughts about taking the hugest dump in the bathroom at church
being slightly weirded out by the lead villain in Die Hard II being Sloan of Section ThirtyOne
I zap any bastard that screws with me
Danny tells Joey to get out of the bathroom so DJ can take her enormous shit but then Joey points out that he has to share a hallway and bathroom with three little girls and he just wants an hour to himself to beat off in the bathtub
DJ complains to Joey that he's been in the bathroom for almost an hour and then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Derek sings "Paper Moon," which triggered momentary synesthesia for me when it evoked the smell of anal lubricant
Little Richard walks into the kitchen just as Danny utters his oft mentioned phrase to Joey, "I'll toss the salad"
Their segue to get up and ditch their dates is that they're going to go "check out the lobster tank" which is probably some sort of really disgusting euphemism
it's not that tough being a film cricket
on top of oily enema fop, with many audible fistulae
A ginger haired right wing extremist wrote about killing Prince Charles in the hope of making his red headed son Harry king
on top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies
Finally, I tried to devise a tasteful joke about how both of Michelle's best friend candidates are half black and she could have combined them by drawing a whole black person but I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't gonna sound racist
Danny says that he's tired of only pretending to be in a heterosexual relationship every other weekend and wants to set a wedding date with Vicky so he can start living a lie full time
Joey practices ballet in the basement with Stephanie while wearing tights that totally show off his nut sack
Her conviction is undeniable due to her outstretched arms with the palms facing up
This bit isn't funny and then continues to not be funny and then it just makes you want to kill yourself
OH MY GOD WHAT IS KIMMIE GIBBLER WEARING!!
Fuck that shit, and fuck Papouli in his decrepit, deceased anus
HE'S NOT HELPING ANYONE! EVERYONE IN THAT HOUSE IS SO TERRIBLE BUT HE IS THE WORST ONE! THE ABSOLUTE WORST! HE'S FINALLY GIVING THEM AN OUT! JUST TELL HIM TO LEAVE! DO IT! PLEASE, JUST TELL HIM THAT HE HAS TO MOVE OUT!
Michelle in particular is perturbed by this event, and I kept waiting for her to utter some sort of anti Japanese racial slur
the game show is about couples and will feature Danny and Vicky as an engaged couple, DJ and Steve as a dating couple, and Jesse and Becky as a married couple, because who wants to watch anything that's not all about the people in the full house, right
Then Michelle kisses him and he totally jizzes in his pants
the Oxygen Holocaust
Danny presses a frozen rump roast against his sore back and makes orgasmic moaning sounds that immediately nullify my relief over not having had to see him in those little undies
This provides Jesse with the epiphany that the best way to make the Smash Club as boring and lame as everything else in his life is to not serve booze or have an age limit
Mickey asks Stephanie if she wants to hang out after school and she says, "I do, but my lungs don't," which doesn't even make any fucking sense at all
While the babies are coloring she starts to pretend that a white crayon is a cigarette and then her mimed smoking provokes one of the twins to say, "bah stuffy"
I think we've only seen her like twice but every time a girl grows boobs or acts slutty or something it's always Kathy Santoni
Bringing the episode to a close, the dog starts eating the desserts off of Joey's ass
that Bai Ling is bilingual
Dai Ling, your Welsh Chinese friend, rook you now
betting Alan Rickman does a really classy Kenneth Williams impression
we're gonna need some more FBI guys I guess
Dai Ling, your Welsh Chinese friend
the hard, the
She also juts her face forward whenever she makes these aggravating statements, like she's just daring you to punch it
DJ worries that Steve's still into his old girlfriend and Becky reassures her that Steve is only into stick in the mud girls who never put out and have corny, overbearing families
I'm not an expert
It also seems feasible to me that Becky would interpret this pregnancy news dinner as Jesse's way of telling her that he knocked up a prostitute or something
you're the medical expert
in nineteen eighty nine, John McClane had been a cop for eleven years
seriously, you should patent the abstract for that and grab the trademark
Tarzan need pill get erection
coining 'Clitix'
think it just an American thing
clitic tribbing
wondering if you have those commercials in the UK too, or if it just an American thing
clitic doubling
genuinely being surprised that 'Clitix' is not a new pharmaceutical for incresing clitoral sensitivity whose commercials bombard your TV during dinner hours, and which you are demanded to 'ask your doctor if Clitix is right for you'
genuinely being surprised that 'clitics' is not a neologism referring to some brand of female centric internet review
The Keanu Reeves guy agrees to go back to school and then everyone on the whole train cheers and then a friendly black fellow plays the graduation march on his saxaphone and then, motherfucker! They have a fake graduation ceremony on the train after all
I figured that these two assholes women advice would be all about how to get them to let you put it in their butt, or how to get them to pay your rent or something
clitics
DJ and Steve enter the scene, and the audience all go "woo!" and "ow!" at the sight of him, which is kind of a new thing
Danny takes Michelle's hand and hurriedly escorts her home before some yard monitor sees how inappropriate their interactions are and calls child services
I honestly can't think of a worse way to spread awareness about the importance of helping the needy than to show a bunch of rich white people sitting around their kitchen talking about it
having impure thoughts about a teenage Kimmie Gibbler
If the station actually was going to switch to classical music, I don't think that they'd expect their DJ's to perform the music with their mouths
Damn, Kimmie Gibbler, your body's hecka slammin'!
telling that girl in seventh grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to take a big disgusting shit
taking the biggest, most disgusting shit
taking a big disgusting shit in the bathroom at church
Stephanie washes her hands after taking a big disgusting shit in the bathroom at the Junior High
I think that this would be a way better show if a gigantic convict played the role of Michelle
humping Sylvia Browne
bottoming for Crotch Personn in MoWang VII
Also, one of the Jennifers is Crotch!
Also, one of the Jennifers is Notch!
Notch
Also, one of the Jennifers is Topanga!
Seriously, this episode is about how Michelle's irrational fear of cryptozoological creatures inhibits Joey's performance at a hockey game
presque vu tante
tongue kissing your aunt
cheeriooooooo, werewolves of London, cheeriooooooooooo
little twitches people can't explain
these urges
early evening
pigs, peccaries, and hippopotamuses
Wrong Way Tanner
Naturally, it's vanilla
Paul Blart vs Superman
there's always blood on the Monday ones
You still wear panties that say Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Christina Ricci Winona Riding Volunteer
Christina Ricci Colon Riding Volunteer
An American Girl Colon McKenna Shoots for the Stars
how much obscene fanart there is for any Simpsons character
man don't even joke about that
the death of Amy Jo Johnson
Damn, y'all, Stephanie handled more dicks than Samantha on Bewitched!
the loser of elections, the big election loser in the UK
the death of Amy Johnson
Maybe not as much as you'd think that the mother of these kids would be upon seeing them naked in a tub with Danny's gangly, freckled, lizard like body, but she definitely makes some acknowledgement of how creepy and weird what we're seeing is
Watching him on screen for one second is like watching a thousand hours of hardcore gay anal sex
Captain Mutiny
It seems weird to pit bodybuilding middle aged men twins against poetry reading little girl twins and stuff like that
everyone tells him that they're really proud of him because that's what you tell a sorry ass loser when he's trying to achieve some meager pathetic goal
Pseudoruminants
Using a milk frother, gradually whisk small amounts of powdered sugar into melted semen until it reaches a creamy airy consistency
Gazpacho
Vichyssoise
Not only is he sleeping through his very first day at work, but he pawned all of his responsibilities off on Joey, the sorriest piece of shit on Earth
how much obscene fanart there is for Allison Taylor even though she was only in like one episode
FREE INSIDE! ONE JAGGED METAL KRUSTY O!
spilling your turtles
turtles all the way down
Le chat qui detestait les gens
Disembodied mouth and hands repeatedly saying "Mammy, Mammy, Mammy" in the style of Al Jolson
she's old enough to play an adult man's mother in a reboot of a classic series
when asked how he'd managed to protect civil rights leaders given his commitment to nonviolence, Johnson replied, "With my nonviolent thirtyeight special"
I guess, I mean she's got to be like forty by now
wondering if Allison Tailor would date me for my anagram prowess
why would they come to our concert just to boo us
Thighway to the Erogenous Zone
also considered was "Highway to the Erogenous Zone"
bottoming for Kenny Lingus in Red Wings VII
bottoming for Kenny Lingus in Thighway to the Danger Zone VII
having impure thoughts about a teenage Allison Tailor
Garfunkel, Messina, Oates, and Lisa
Janice Dickinson is suing Bill Cosby for defamation
bottoming for Kenny Lingus in Ain't No Messina VII
Kenny Lingus
Cthulunnilingus
loggin' in as Kenny Loggins
Pokemon Loggins and Messina
Pokemon Cunnilingus or Analingus
drawing a picture of Cthulhu and Flying Spaghetti Monster arguing about which is more fun to perform, cunnilingus or analingus
knowing all of Kenny Loggin's passwords for scottishancestry dot com
the METRO RAIL, the
the Bart, the
dead Bart
dead Eiffel Towering
dead reckoning
dead lettering
dead managing
dead agenting
at Waterboo, Napobean did surrender
the Peterboo massacre
Google Maps shits down editing after 'robot peeing' incident
Google Maps shuts down editing after 'I pet Go boner' incident
Google Maps shuts down editing after 'Peter booing' incident
Google Maps shuts down editing after 'robot peeing' incident
drawing a picture of Holly Bobo eating haribo at Hobby Lobby
the death of Holly Bobo
Robert Watang's prick
cornholing Willie Mays not wearing panties
John Connor's all "you could be mine" sextape
in the summertime in the city
bottoming for Raul Prawn in Hardcore PrOn VII
Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car
saying "say, that's a nice buike"
ogling Raul Prawn
ogling Ron Burrito
ogling Ron Paul
shoddily built malls
John Connor's all "you could be mine" mixtape
you can totally see it
Robert Patrick's wang
Robert Patrick's wank
wondering what causes the disproportionate number of skulls found in the future presented by Terminator Two Colon Judgement Day
despite the heat it'll be all right
summer in the city
not wearing panties masturbating with your cut off hand
her name is Rio and she dances on this hand
Panthro loses pants at Disney On Ice
clefairy windows
clerestory windows
Beast loses pants at Disney On Ice
his name is Kento and he munches on the glans
her name is Rio and she's coarse and rough and irritating
always remembering the songs of Duran Duran in your mind as though sung by Alan Partridge
I'm not aware of too many things, I know what I know, if you know what I mean
spring has gone and summer keeps on coming on
her name is Kips and she dances in the mud
nobody can throw the ball like Catfish can
Everyone gathers together to watch Becky's news show while they eat snacks off of Joey, which is the first time ever that he's actually been useful for something
her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Crimmins
Your Russian Girlfriend Checklist
The deceased wore a blouse, bra, and slacks, but no panties
She said discussions are underway on the future of another Twin Peaks in Harker Heights, Texas, owned by the same "relatively new" franchisee, Peaktastic Beverages, LLC
post traumatic smurf disorder
hesitating, and showing me your intention
broadbeans in your hedgerow
broadbeans in your horizons
broadening your chorizos
drawing a picture of CthreePO and Cookie Monster arguing about which is more fun to perform, cunnilingus or analingus
homogeneous plastic mass
Jesse starts the car up and it begins to shoot oil out of the windshield wipers, which is a very common indication that a car might have something wrong with it
rich, buttery sustenance
seriosu shortcomings
glancing away during the musical montage and consequently having no idea what is going on
Ocean's Canoes
letting me know the wonder
singing Jive Talkin' to a talking chive
Kim Jong un's chariot overturned
Kim Jong Un criticises turtle farm for failing to breed lobsters
Kim Jong Un's iron fist causing backlash
Age of Canoe
Age of Ocean
Michael Flatley
yeah, it's a ballsack zits
yeah, it's a ballroom blitz
I lose Myke Hoole when she steps in the room
electric eyes that you can't ignore
odobene queen
no more love up the bum
no more love on the run
Cetacean's Eleven
that my character from three eight five one two was named Billy Ocean
Batman vs Ocean
never really understanding why Billy Ocean needed to rob all those casinos, what with his music career and all
wondering when we'll get the Ocean's Eight, Nine, and Ten prequels
FOURpiobeing
threepioeating
threepeating
Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery
The Waco shootout, bike nights and Texas's 'breastaurant' corridor
the whole issue needs to be resolved by the United Nations Comission on Unspeakable Sex Act Nomenclature, or UNCUSAN
how much disagreement there is on rbadncitttioneriay regarding how many many are required to "run a train," with some authors needing only three, and others demanding as many as seven participants to qualify for the term
He and Kathie Santoni, whose titties were mentioned just moments ago, are like the champions of Full House tertiary characters
Kimmie Gibbler comes over and tries to comfort DJ's post breakup status by bringing the entire wrestling team over to railroad her
Being an obnoxious cell phone user is Full House worthy behavior
Becky is a fucking tv talk show host, she does not need to be living like Anne Frank
Pokemon Waffles and Eiffel Towering
the Belgium thing is totally about waffles, though, what else could it be
The representative from Fat Fish Records tells Becky that they want Jesse to tour Asia for an entire year, spreading his terrible covers of songs that weren't even that good in the first place across a once proud land
I wonder why she felt the need to include that last detail when she left the message with Jesse, especially since it immediately convinces Danny that Vicky is about to get gang banged by the Chicago Bears
Google used to think the same thing, and that was before the amazing Regret Index even existed
all the Eiffel Towering references makes it think that you must be near Boston, wicked pissah
Facebook demanding to know if your fake account lives kind of vaguely within a twenty minute drive of where you actually live, or randomly in Stavelot in Belgium or Spencer, Massachusetts
Gentle music plays during an overly long shot of Becky consoling the babies, which plays out extra weird because the babies are clearly unaffected by anything that's going on
holding your left boob until you run down the stairs
I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "prurient" and it had dice in the mirror
wondering if Jaden Smith would star in a sitcom in which he portrays a rich child who is forced to move from his luxurious Malibu home to West Philadelphia after getting in a fight
DJ takes her first step into womanhood by telling Danny that he can suck a fat turd because she's gonna see her hungry wrestling team boyfriend whether he likes it or not
becoming the Randy Praetorian of Rancho Park
becoming the Virginal Duke of Venice
Later, Danny whines to DJ and Stephanie about the pains of being in a long distance relationship, like how his only sexual outlet is having the dog lick peanut butter off his balls
Brazen bear attempts bold break out from zoo enclosure, da Bears
shining flock
clonk fishing
becoming the Prurient Pharaoh of Pacific Palisades
Into the Wild Wild West
Bel Air has no Prince, Bel Air needs no Prince
becoming the Saucy Viscount of Brentwood
how you became the Prince of a town called Bel Air
telling a story, all about how, your life got flipped, turned upside down
strange light shimmering over the sea tonight
They make the Brady Bunch look like the fucking Rat Pack
eating Hulk's mash
Waiters do not order incrementally
Thankfully they kept that shot of Lori Loughlin bending over and showing us her ass, which I'll really miss if they ever get rid of it, unless she's wearing short shorts and grinding her pelvis in the new one or something
Kento "The Overt Homosexuality" Ikeda
His sister is played by his real life sister, who's one of the sisters from Sister, Sister
bench pressing a French press
blackballing Balin
Richard Nixon and Robocop
Patrick Stewart, Elmo and Ian McKellen
scrolling down awesomepeoplehangingouttogether until you get to Kate Middleton and Idris Elba and honestly, it's probably a cliche and she probably has met black people before, but you have to kind of wonder
being born too late for wooing Joan Jett and too early for wooing that girl at the deli whose age you cannot actually discern
The dads calmly explain to her that what she's saying is fucking crazy and her stupid little girl feelings are ridiculous
building a miniature of a city out of apples in Kento's fat ass
building a miniature of a city out of apples in Minneapolis
Kento's fat ass
Kento's front
salting Kento's fatback
Kento's fatback
Muthafuckas step to Oakland get stabbed, son
Jesse sees the babies crawl and that's the end of the Jesse not seeing the babies crawl subplot
Kento's back
Oh, glory be! The overt homosexuality makes a triumphant return!
Michelle's good side dresses like a hippy and tells her not to do bad things and the evil one dresses like Little Steven from the E Street band and acts like a condescending asshole, which isn't really very much different from how Michelle acts
the "poo flinger test"
Michelle bleeds, Vicky and Danny have sex, Michelle learns to ride her stupid bike
it becomes apparent that Danny and Michelle are simulating the tucking in process hours ahead of time since Danny'll be balls deep in Vicky's roofied vagina by the time Michelle's actual bedtime rolls around
So then they take the babies upstairs and the first thing that Jesse does is show his bed to the babies and tell them that this is where he fucks their mom
the "two finger test"
Mrs Icy Yule
just now discovering Ariel Winter and having a feeling that you're going to be having LOTS of impure thoughts soon
it's a little late for SEO
Miley Cyrus
remembering the nineties as a decade in which a woman could become rich and famous in her own right for merely having a famous family and singing and dancing in her underwear
seeing a headline about Janet Jackson having a new tour and honestly thinking she was already dead
Yanni having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Robin, oh bother
Yanni
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Robin, oh bother
having impure thoughts about a teenage crimefighter Robin
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Robin
America's scrod basket
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Lydon
Gloria "Ripples" Brancusi
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Norris
It has a starfish on the fanny, and it comes with its own pail
a game that simulates the impoverished lifestyle of gay porn star Kento Ikeda
a game that simulates the lavish lifestyle of podcaster Chris Lydon
a game that simulates the lavish lifestyle of film director Roman Polanski
wondering who would win in a fight, Hugh Hefner or Stan Lee
you always wondered what it would be like fall asleep while eating a bowl of creamed corn laced with painkillers as a bevy of dimwitted cocktail waitresses work out their daddy issues by dispassionately fellating your pharmaceutically erect penis
A Band Ride Three Men
a game that simulates the lavish lifestyle of magazine mogul Hugh Hefner
Zefram Cochrane
Three Men and a Bride
Hermes Cochran
tamehyphendeed dot com
deadhyphenmeet dot com
digging a gravedater
dating a gravedigger
I missed a lot of what she said because she was jogging in place the whole time and therefore her titties was bouncing, but I'm pretty sure that she offered to fuck Danny
He does impressions
This is my unemployed friend who sleeps in the same hallways as all of my young daughters
tearing up tearing yourself masturbating
tearing yourself masturbating
seeing a tshirt emblazoned with the words WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT and thinking 'tearfully masturbating'
Sometimes this show feels like a Franz Kafka story that's based off of a Norman Rockwell painting, except without any of the thought or craft
Ford, America's anal wig
Florida, America's wang
Florida Landscaper Deliberately Drove Riding Mower Over Large Group Of Ducklings
Teddy insists that Michelle play the role of the mommy and Michelle says she doesn't know how to because her mom's a rotting corpse
Tuscaloosecannons
I was wondering what was in your britches
Stephanie's teacher gives her permission to escort Michelle back to class, which is very likely a ploy to get these two loud mouthed broads out of his classroom for a few minutes so he can finally do his fucking job
American No Place Like Home, No Homo
American No Place Like Home
Korean Full House
Armenian Full House
just reach around
they couldn't be reached
they couldn
you forgot the Olsen twins
drawing a picture of John Stamos, Denver Pyle, Dave Coulier, Matt LeBlanc, Bob Saget, Danny Thomas, Candace Cameron, and Michael Fishman in an elaborate sexual act involving braiding, multiple chariots, and a number of towers of various sizes and shapes
currant affairs
raisin awareness
when life gives you potatoes, you make potato salad and I've got just the recipe
As awkward as it is to watch a bunch of little girls gyrating around for several minutes in those totally inappropriate outfits, it's not nearly as uncomfortable as watching the cast clap their hands and bob their heads to a Boyz II Men song
So then DJ comes over and gives Stephanie counseling about boys while a whole bunch of other kids' families sit in the bleachers wishing that they didn't live in the same school district as the fucking Tanner family
teens is OK because often by twenty, seven women look shrivelled
teens is OK because often by twenty seven women look shrivelled
Roman Politburo
Romanov Polanski
no wait, shit
Russian Polanski
Russia's top childrens' rights official says older men marrying teens is OK because often by twenty seven women look shrivelled
As Joey tries to process this series of misfortunes, Danny tells him that he's been fired by Ranger Roy
He totally ignores his wife's moist vagina by staring off into the distance and singing a slow, sad rendition of the teddy bear song he used to sing to Michelle
people saying you're the life of the party, 'cause you tell a joke or two
Rebecca Donaldson's like, "sucka, this pussy is the greatest adventure you are ever gonna have" and then they make up
when ur eating pussy and your mouth is full
Joey's butthole was just too inviting
when ur eating cookies and your mouth is full
shooting CC Peniston in the Jap's eye with BB King when you were a kid
Full House, at its essence, is pretty much a cruel stereotyped rendition of white people, so it only makes sense that the corniest, white breadiest family of all time would eventually engage in the crackerest activity known to cracker ass crackers
CC Peniston mourns
the death of BB King
that's still pretty impressive
Ten Inch Jar Jar Binks
Stephanie comes home with her new glasses and is all bummed out because she looks like a dogs asshole
DJ coerces him to stick around by offering him some hamburgers, and the episode ends with her giving him a handjob under the picnic table
Tiny Tiger Mandingo
Tiger Mandingo
it was OK, could have been two inches shorter at the end without losing anything
it was OK, could have been ten minutes shorter at the end without losing anything
Darth Duck
Darth Dick
Big Giant Dick, Jedi Knight
Tiny Heroin Shriveled Dick Geldof
Big Giant Dick Geldof
Big Giant Dick Head Geldof
the Dick Head wants to know why we fall
He eventually confessed to being Dick's father, at which point, Harry stated that if Dick was going to take over The Big Giant Head, his name would be Dick Head
the Big Giant Head wants to know why we fall
Michael Caine as the Big Giant Head
that you liked Interstellar and you hate Christopher Nolan, so there's that
if Christopher Nolan's next movie isn't an adaptation of Third Rock from the Sun he's just fucking kidding himself because that's totally what he wants to do
still feeling very let down by Inception even years later
I was flying experimental aircraft way before anybody pointed out that drones already do all of that with no human pilot onboard
starting to watch Interstellar and really wanting to just slap Christopher Nolan for that opening silence and irritating tone coming out of it over the opening credits
He ended the show by stuffing HHH in the trunk of his rental car, and leaving with the final words of "now I'm going to screw you"
HHH laugh at will by his actions
Katie Vick
tiki horsemen
wiki horsemen
wii horsemen
Homer's ween
wee horsemen
sheer women
we horsemen
feeling bemusement at seeing advertisements for horsemen escaping through the casement from Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
whore semen
horsemen escaping through the casement from Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
horsemen
escaping through the casement from Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
there's no debasement without semen
being invited to Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
there's no amusement without semen
you can't spell basement without semen
getting autism from that vaccine
they're saying it's the last harvest for okra, ever
Kimmie Gibbler welcomes Jesse's confession of love, and doesn't consider for a second that it is a crime
watching the Tanks for Nothing spinoff, For All Intents and Porpoises
Asian Lever
Gay Lever
pulling Fat Lever's groin
pulling Fat Lever
Fat Lever
Australian authorities threaten to put Johnny Depp's dingos down, crikey
Shaq Fu Colon A Legend Reborn
filling the john with shit faster than John Moschitta
John Moschitta
Australian authorities threaten to put Johnny Depp's dogs down
how serene your friends and fiends
taking the long way home
he blows the wrong whistle and they are attacked by skeletons on horseback
Turkish Star Wars delight, on a moonlit night
Turkish delight, on a moonlit night
I guess it is a quarter to three
licking tahini off of Mr Snuffleupagus' erect trunk
liking tahini off of Mr Snuffleupagus' erect trunk
blowing Ms Shits, eek
blowing them kisses
waving to the people
it's that boy who laughs at everyone
J'ai tout surmonta la tete baissee
maybe you should have informed the authorities
that you aways suspected Oscar the Grouch was Jewish
wondering if Big Bird ever mistakes his bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis for an actual worm and tries to eat it
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Mr Hooper's death as a result of telling Snuffy his hoes had to stop hanging around outside Hooper's store
Katy Perry's appearance on Sesame Street being the basis for her inclusion in so much pornographic Sesame Street fanart
Snuffy was finally introduced to the main human cast mainly due to a string of high profile and sometimes graphic stories of pedophilia and sexual abuse of children
that Aloysius Snuffleupagus is a total pimp name
sesame streetwalkers
or roofie them
taking solace in the fact that even Cookie "Pussy Monster" Monster couldn't talk his costars into group sex
there was that night at Bert and Ernie's where you got trashed on jaeger bombs and woke up in Oscar's trash can with "call me" written in lipstick on your ass
that you'll never have a four way with Prairie Dawn, Rosie, and Granny Bird from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same
'I Will Double Slit Your Photons' Gambian Science Minister to Electromagnetic Spectrum
you'll never even get to watch while they have a threesome
that you'll never have a four way with Linda, Gina, and Maria from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same
sesame street pussies
sesame street cookies
pigeon street coronation
coronation street chicken
'I Will Slit Your Throat Colon' Gambian President to Gay Men
coronation chicken
Even on Full House, pussy is magic, and therefore it is true of all places
Stephanie is hesitant to heed his words because he's a stranger that won't get out of her room
Moody's drops Chicago's junk rating to 'it's cold in here'
Moody's drops Chicago's junk rating to 'I have a headache'
a lifetime of Kento's shit
The title of this episode comes from the special name the dads have for when they rub their anuses together
Female Semen Vibe Array
Beaver Female Seminary
a lifetime on Kento's ship
I' going to get laid this weekend, if not sooner, the Emperor, Haile Selassie, Jah Rastafari
a lifetime on Kento's hips
a moment on Kento's lips, a lifetime on Kento's hips
Kento's hips
Moody's drops Chicago's credit rating to 'junk'
I' going to get laid this weekend, if not sooner
being secure in your sexuality inasmuch as you think you'll probably never get laid again so it's all just bullshitting to you
how quickly quickies turn really, really gay here
quickly
how quicky things turn really, really gay here
licking ganache off of Kevin Nash's erect penis
eating ganache off Kevin Nash
eating ganache with Kevin Nash
Kentomon Digivolves
wondering what Digimon has to do with furries
just honestly not getting furries or digimon or any of that
Kentomon charges at the opponent at full speed with his jaws,concentrating electricity on them
As they're "making up," Rusty barges in and shouts, "tongue town USA!" which is the most vulgar statement I think I've ever heard uttered on a sitcom
Anyway, DJ discovers Penis stashed in Michelle's room and makes her give him back
Danny refuses to believe that someone so terrible could come out of such a top notch vagina but then he discovers that Rusty switched his shampoo with green hair dye
you'd think that even having to have a discussion about why you don't want to have your wedding at Graceland would be enough to make you realize that the guy you're going to get married to is a big piece of shit
Michelle comes in the room and tells Stephanie that she sucks dick at playing the recorder
shaving some nice greasy meat and being willing to shove it
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to shove it you and me babe, how 'bout it
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to shove it
you and me babe, how 'bout it
growing impatient for a love to call your own
your baby's high in the stratosphere, you're so low 'cause we all float down here
your baby's high in the stratosphere, you're so low 'cause you're down here
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to shave it
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to share it
dildoos
kangaroos
didgeridoos
it's not my time to wonder why
You can get salmonella from turtles, butt drinking OJ doesn't make it better
peeing daily
peeing freely
Pokemon Gin and Tonic
having an intense craving for some nice greasy meat
six three nine nine four making you laugh out loud
Obama Castro handshake and same sex marriage date set
Asia stains son
assassination
Bug Bed
Bat Bugs
Bat Bed
jerked salmon
salmon jerky
dried smoked salmon
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" that smoking cannabis dries out your vagina
that's not where you're supposed to put it
Smoking cannabis 'dries out your vagina'
to pre empt your next question, yes, our civic lighting runs on boot polish
A lord was caught three times over the drink drive limit with his face smeared in boot polish after crashing into a lamppost
Ed Balls taking it on the chin
waxing lyrical about Ed Balls
giving Ed Balls a Brazilian
shaving Ed Balls
her dominant's partner's penis with corn husk, and subsequently
exhaling onto it as if steaming a corn husked tamale
Armenian Idol being voted off Armenian Idol
Swan Conjugals
American Idol being voted off American Idol
Swan Madrigals
simulatng the taste of cress salad by just putting mayonnaise and mustard on the bread
simulatng the taste of egg salad by just putting mayonnaise and mustard on the bread
Swan Madras
swans are like feet, the more you talk about them in public the more people think you want to have sex with them
moms are like feet, the more you talk about them in public the more people think you want to have sex with them
fighting fire fighting type pokemon with fire fighting type pokemon
fighting fire with fire
Swan Madol
Nan Madol
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to drink the corn syrup
drinking the corn syrup in Sexico
The spicy and delicious dong of a sexican
A sexual favor that involves a recessive partner wrapping his or her dominant's partner's penis with corn husk, and subsequently exhaling onto it as if steaming a corn husked tamale
the film will star real tamale actors, and may even have tamale members of the crew, including possibly a tamale director
the film will star real Joe Camel actors, and may even have Joe Camel members of the crew, including possibly a Joe Camel director
the film will star real shemale actors, and may even have shemale members of the crew, including possibly a shemale director
the film will star real female actors, and may even have female members of the crew, including possibly a female director
Penises! From Dunland!
breeding ericaceous bananas with Eric Bana
wetrest
endland penises swing like a pendulum do
high fructose corn semen
bottoming for Pure Beef Patty in Life O'Railin' VII
Pure Beef Patty
death don't have no mercy in this sand
mostly amino acids, citrate, enzymes, flavins, fructose, phosphorylcholine, prostaglandins, proteins, and vitamin C
wondering what's in the Teen sauce
white ravens
Pure beef patty, A&W seasoning, sesame seed bun, lettuce, tomato, bacon, processed cheddar cheese, Teen sauce, ketchup, mustard, pickles, sliced onion
A&W Canada, eh
chicken category
shitting Splenda on trains
moving towards higher quality menu items and expanding their chicken category
A&O
A&W
R&AW
wetwork if you can get it, and if you get it, wetwork
wetplay
garycoleslaw
coleslaw
splitting Shania in twain
being killed by a tree
wetwork
walking on endland penises, see what they can do
death don't have no mercy in this land
glaciers melting in the dead of night
someday
pushing the pineapple
shaking the tree
rocking the boat
drying a river and crowning the whole world
crying a river and drowning the whole world, a bloo bloo bloo
walking on pins and needles, see what they can do
weaving a truss of sand and spinning a sand rope to bind it with
crying a river and drowning the whole world
snort mates have abandoned ship, eh
the smart ones have abandoned ship
Infants' brain responses to speech suggest analysis by synthesis
beating off inside your eyes like open doors
beating off inside yourself
beating off beside yourself
being beneath yourself
eating beside yourself
being beside yourself
I slept next to a naked dick last night because I got Eiffel Towered
I slept next to a naked duck last night because I got laid
I slept next to a naked chick last night because I got laid
getting into bed naked, thinking "I don't sleep naked!", getting out and finding some pajamas to wear as though anybody would ever know or care or it even really matters to you
Babby Road
what the fuck is Fred Savage doing here
that's deep semen
that's deep, man
when everything's semen, nothing is
eating that whole thing of semen and shitting the sheets
shitting the sheets with your semen
with your semen
bursting the mess and shitting the sheets
missing the bust and hitting the sheets
missing the bust
meeting your bus for dinner tonight for the first time in a month with some first rate cunt lapping for dessert
texting the bus every minute you're apart
messing the bus
missing the bus
drawing a picture of Christopher Cross, Kris Kross, and Kris Kristofferson crossing their penises together
being sucked up
being blowed up
dropping Balls
being exceedingly unlikely to have either
not having either
having your job on your baby
When Niall Brady casts his vote today in the British general election, he has his job on his mind, and his baby
finding out without exaggeration that you're not going to get the opportunity to earn enough to even go on dates for at least another five years because you now exist solely to service the debts of others
meating your girlfriend for dinner tonight for the first time in a month with some first rate cunt lapping for dessert
meeting your girlfriend for dinner tonight for the first time in a month with some first rate cunt lapping for dessert
Pokemon Jewel
Pokemon Hall and Oates
Pokemon Morley and Outwood
balling Ed Meats
meeting Ed Balls to eat meatballs at the Met Ball
wanting to sign up for the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television class on German art house cinema, "Kuntz on Kunst"
UCLA visiting professor of film and television Jonathan Kuntz
we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life
slamming your dick in the communal laundry room
building a mink raft in Minecraft
Wolfman Colon Florida license mistakenly labeled me a sex offender
Woman Colon Florida license mistakenly labeled me a sex offender
bottoming for Tim Duncan and a tapir in Rape White Onions II
drawing a picture of an onion being Eiffel Towered by Tim Duncan and a tapir
Playing Onions & Tapirs with Tim Duncan
Pokemon Candace Cameron and Michael Fishman
Pokemon Hymns Jeer TV and Le Sand Poo
Pokemon Tapir and Onions
Pokemon John Stamos and Denver Pyle
Pokemon Macaroni and Cheese
Pokemon Titties and Butts
suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless
cyw iar wedi'i ffrio
you wish
doing your illegal exercises and getting cock
doing your illegal exercises and getting caught
not doing your illegal exercises
Court records list Mudd's employer as a pediatrics care practice
seriously, just fuck the whole state of Florida until it dies
Florida Couple Accused of Giving Kids Drugs as 'Bargaining Tool'
sperme a la blanche neige
sperme a la neige
oeufs a la neige
putting margerine on macaroni and cheese
putting meringue on macaroni and cheese
putting merengue on macaroni and cheese
World Tapir Day
not doing your legal exercises
Titties vs butts is a struggle that has torn apart better men than Uncle Jesse
It really made me wanna do a bunch of cocaine and then contract an STD, all while gambling
putting salsa on macaroni and cheese
Janitor gets six years prison for sexually assaulting special ed student Vladimir Spiridonovitch Poutine
Janitor gets six years prison for sexually assaulting special ed student
Vladimir Spiridonovitch Poutine
Vladimir Poutine
not doing your kegger exercises
not doing your kegel exercises
Rape Two White Onions
janitor penetration
Operation Snow White
The Great Gatsby Is One Of The Greatest Movies Of All Time, Coachella
future head of the Church of Scientology, Jaden Smith
Ill Never Forget The Blogs That Believed In Me Since The Begging
Reading My Book I Uttered "I Turned Fifteen Long Ago"
There Is No Nutrients In Our Food Anymore Or In Our Soil OR IN OUR WATER
The amusement park of the future where nothing can possiblie go wrong
this site is kind of weirdly specific
Os
Mos
Imos
Timos
Ntimos
Antimos
Pantimos
this site is kind of weird
masturbating Mel Gibson for Nazi gold
I made a lot of money doing it, but Mel Gibson's language gets even more violent the closer he gets to orgasm
masturbating on webcam for Nazi gold
Nazi gold
masturbating on webcam for streisand
masturbating on webcam for kristofferson
masturbating on webcam for sampras
masturbating on webcam for cash
Uncle Traveling Myke
spooning Boober
Patrick Warburton's swinging penis trappists
drawing a picture of Mokey and Red scissoring while Doozers try to ignore them
being fraggle SCISSORED
being fraggle rocked
being fraggled
being fragged
Patrick Warburton's penis swings like a pendulum do
Patrick Warburton's swinging penis
no longer being able to say that you have never seen a gif of Patrick Warburton's swinging penis
trappists
Assault With a Deadly Duck
it's not even Monday
more piss, more piss
promises, promises
that you will be performing cunnilingus within forty eight hours
the Masonic Distaff Police Department
the Masonic Identical Police Department
the Masonic Fraternal Police Department
in the Eiffel tower in Boston, Massachusetts
lateral glide
illegal trade
on the Eiffel tower in Paris, France
a water bottle with a yellow crested cockatoo put inside you for illegal trade
being a total Milhouse, except without anything coming up you
my arteries are clogged with yellow gold
Technician David Kalic cleans one of the sodium golden light bulbs on the Eiffel tower in Paris, France
a water bottle with a yellow crested cockatoo put inside for illegal trade
vapists
blood in his body
vaping
Assault With a Deadly Dick
Bono and Utwo set as sole guests on Friday's 'Tonight Show'
Myke Teavee
confusing Fairuza Balk and Veruca Salt
one unusual fact about Myke Hawke, he has a vast amount of blood in his body
one unusual fact about Michael Ball, he has a vast amount of blood in his body
having my twelve year old boner ejaculating down Michael Jackson's throat
calling a fly with one wing a fling
feeling a kind of distracting ennui about everything lately, like when you're enjoying something you're watching but you flip over to see what else is on
We haven't started working on a script yet, but we are talking about it
lookin' for someone who's not make believe
hey guys, remember internet shrines
having my twelve year old boner ejaculating down your throat
having the twenty first century ejaculating in your hair contrary to its promises
having the twenty first century ejaculating down your throat
having the twenty first century ejaculating down your dick
having the twenty first century breathing down your dick
having the twenty first century breathing down your neck
having a boner for twelve years
even my twelve year old boner
drawing a picture of Wilson masturbating behind Tim Allen's fence as he watches Pamela Anderson audition for Home Improvement
wonderin if Pamela Anderson had to fuck Tim Allen to get the part on Home Improvement
I can't argue with that
the creepy porn star lips coupled with her bimbo voice just killed even my twelve year old boner
Pamela Anderson was gross
being really into Erika Eleniak for some reason
having never actually seen Baywatch, but remembering you had a TV Guide with her picture in it that was your best friend for a couple of months
only knowing the name Yasmine Bleeth because of that F#R#I#E#N#D#S# episode where Chandler says "Yasmeeen Blith" a couple times
David Snave
believing that the first thing you masturbated to on the internet was Yasmine Bleeth
not even remembering the name
watching kind of a lot of Baywatch as a horny teen, or so you thought, but not remembering Nicole Eggert at all
putting Eddie in charge of your evenings and weekends
if I stumble on a regret that has like seven or eight votes on it and a perfect zero or one rating, I will sometimes vote until it makes the list, but I don't supervote
Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate
to be honest I thought you were doing it
something seems to randomly supervote regrets up or down periodically
walking around rent free
putting Charles in charge of your days and your nights
regardless, it definitely deserves to be there
wondering if "humping Jewel's bust" is a new bottom regret or if you just don't pay enough attention to it
humping Jewel's bust until she had a breastgasm
And even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you, honey
that mango
that meringue
that mange
that manege
that menage
tht menage
Trying to have sex while flaccid
A game in which children stand in a row, joining hands, and in which the outer one, still holding his neighbour, runs between the others
Last night, I caught Garey threading the needle of some homeless guy in the park
Last night, I caught Gary threading the needle of some homeless guy in the park
When you sleep in your boxers and in the middle of the night your woodie works its way through the little hole in your chonies
Ejaculating into the end of someone else's penis
Thread Flintstone
threading the needle
hilariously finding printers the most frustratingly pisspoor user experience in all of computing
seriously finding printers the most frustratingly pisspoor user experience in all of computing
having a scanner that won't scan to a USB stick because it doesn't have a USB port, has no option to discover computers to send files to wirelessly despite being wireless, and is basically just a glorified photocopier
Hot Kids for Pedophobes
Hot Dogs for Homophobes
If Singapore says relax, relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it
if Singapore is telling you to relax, you should probably relax
A study by the National University of Singapore entitled Impact of Cyberloafing on Psychological Engagement concluded that using the internet for personal use served the same purpose as a coffee break and helped workers concentrate and stay engaged
goldbricking
"crab head gift"
"crib hid gift"
"frigid bitch"
Dot Warner Panties Voice Feet Geldof
Pricess Sofia Cesarean Birth Geldof
if people concerned themselves with where sperm came from they never would have eaten them
if people concerned themselves with where eggs came from they never would have eaten them
"The cleaning lady here at the embassy has a huge ass," he said, "frigid bitch"
"Disclosure is my business," he said, "but we don't deal in gossip"
being a bad driver
that when you put Dot Warner in the search field, Google autosuggests, in order, 'panties', 'voice', and 'feet'
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third
spreading Dijon mustard on the ceiling with Celine Dion
Pricess Sofia Cesarean Birth
sucking her left one until she had a hump
bottoming for Father Time in Meaty Bodies VII
thinking Jennifer Lopez got fat, then remembering that humans age because of their meaty bodies and the effects of linear time, then realizing you were looking at a picture of Kim Kardashian
Robert Downey, Jr's growing resemblance to Woody Allen
donating your hedgerow bustle to the Met Costume Institute
if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, seek medical attention immediately
there are two paths you can go by
During their years of running the school theatre and producing plays, a body of knowledge was formed about acting, theater production, and costume, set and stage design
hey dol! merry dol! suck my dick dillo!
Tom Walrus
kind of looking forward to fat gay Asian Tom Cruise
kind of looking forward to old fat Tom Cruise
pretty much like watching any Jack Nicolson movie made after the mid nineteen eighties
imagining what it will be like to watch movies in which eighteen year old actresses are cast as a then seventy year old Tom Cruise's love interests per his demands
wondering why they remade Groundhog Day as a gritty dystopian sci fi war film instead of a comedy, but then finding that Edge of Tomorrow is indeed a comedy
Chicago Cubs randomly congratulate the royal family on new baby, da teddybears
Chicago Cubs randomly congratulate the royal family on new baby
New Vaginatown
Pizdagrad
Pueblo Cajeta
Pussiopolis
Manko cho
Cookietown
Chattesville
Fotzeburg
Maidenhead Revisited
Vaginatown
Maidenhead
round or skinny bottomed girls barely contributing at all to this planet's rotation
Nicholas Pocock
round or skinny bottoms
give us Black Dick and we fear nothing
Fleet Admiral Richard "Black Dick" Howe
Red Handed Dick
wondering what we do if Kento's dad like googles himself or has us drawn to his attention one day and starts coming around here being fatherly and such
humping Go Ikeda's bust
when copying files takes so long you can actually go make a hot drink and come back and start drinking it before the job is done
Procopio
odobenoarachnopyronecrocoprophilia
Collie Flower
arachnopyronecrocoprophilia
Broc Collie
Lucy Beaumont
pyronecrocoprophilia
necrocoprophilia
once you go Go Ikeda's fist, you, dammit, I totally had something for this
you've introduced me to a whole new world of butt games
making Sylvia Browne a hot browne sandwich for her deathday
browning Sylvia Browne's breasts
going Go Ikeda's fist
guavas
peppering Brian Peppers' brain
canning Raymond Burr's cans
buttering Raymond Burr's buns
butterbur
pestilence
the picture of L Ron Hubbard on Wikipedia's Church of Scientology page looking like he's pushing a mess
having sex with a girl in second grade who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
The first guy is a big scary raper and the second guy is Anthony Kiedis, who immediately tells you, "what I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you"
Charlotte Elizabeth Diana Geldof
he was such a jackass he didn't know how to open his own safe
they get it at this great place in San Francisco called, "Chicken"
DJ says that that she tries to focus less on the fact that their mother is a festering pile of maggot infested flesh and more on the fact that they have three idiotic dads who love them
At this point in his monologue, Martin begins a commentary on what he considers the decline in standards of feminine hygiene in this country
Tinkerer Tailorer Soldierer Spider
I got a bad desire
hey little girl is your daddy home, did he go and leave you all alone
being raped by someone who's on fire
Spider Man II Colon Spiharder
Spider Kids
The Spider Who Came In From the Cold
The Spider Who Loved Me
Totally Spiders
Joey and Danny are put in a prison cell where they try to think of a way to maintain their masculinity while being anally raped with a dress on
Jean Luc Coulier
Luc Coulier
don't ironically mock people's behavior when they're doing something they shouldn't be because someone else might see you and think that you're doing what you're mocking those people for doing
drawing a picture of Dave Coulier knocking up Jayne Modean on the set of Full House
The first guy is a big scary raper and the second guy is Danny Tanner, who immediately tells you, "there is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop hugging and kissing you"
grown up Kimmie Gibbler comes in and there's a gag about how bad all the Dads wanna fuck her because she grew up to be hella fine
For some reason Danny becomes a stereotypical East Coast Jew in his old age
attempting to smash a watermelon with your erect seven pound silicone lump hammer
attempting to smash a watermelon with your erect penis
Withpenis and I
shopping around with penis
The current repair operation cannot be cancelled
he could start shitting his pants all the time and walking around with shitty pants
the story of how scared she was during her first kiss, which is so corny and boring that it causes the music to come on
DJ says goodbye to all her guests as her party wraps up and manages to clear the air with Kimmie Gibbler before she leaves to go get finger banged in a public park by Jake Bitterman
Finally, there's a boy band for older, hairy gay men
that is, hairy gay men
Bearforce One
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina, except in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake where you never know what you're gonna get
fisting Go Ikeda so far that you turn into a ventriloquist act
TRIPLE fisting Go Ikeda
double fisting Go Ikeda
hamboning
shopping around for penis
shopping for penis
chopping a penis
boys have a penis, get to the chopper
thanks for the tip
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina
A spokesperson for the Daily Mail said the UK's newest princess was 'beach body ready' as she 'flaunted her curves' in a blanket
A spokesperson for the British royals, reflecting on the utter meaninglessness of the inane information he was tasked to deliver to the press, ended his life today with a single bullet to the temple
A spokesperson for the British royals said the UK's newest princess would meet her aunt Pippa Middleton and her grandmother Carol Middleton on Sunday
Pmaws eht Niard
draining the swamp
Yvan eht Nioj
seeing someone who bruised his willies one time, it was very sad
bruising willies with Bruce Willis
Jason Voorhees on Mental Health Rumors
reticulating splines with Chris Pine
crippling spines with Chris Pine
Lark Voorhies on Mental Health Rumors
She says that even though he's borderline retarded, can't nobody bang her walls like him and then the music comes on and then they make out
This bizarre subplot about Danny abusing this poor, wafer thin androgynous woman only further supports the self loathing queer theme of the episode
causing bloat in the girlfriends of smugglers and being filled with fried gluten
herding nerfs
The Most Disturbing Images To Come Out of the Full House
checkmate, medical science
drinking water and peeing constantly to avoid gout
you're going to get gout
going to the store and coming back with all the pork butts, asparagus and crappie they had
eating the bootylike groceries
daring to keep all your dreams alive
being the booty like groceries
eating the booty like groceries
it makes its way in the world today or else it gets the beer again
bottoming for Dickson Poon in Dickson Poon's Dick's in Poon VII
dicks in poon
Myke Hawke is a graduate of the Dickson Poon School of Law
scorpion kid son
disco ink pornos
the Dickson Poon School of Law, cheerio
onions dick pros
he tells the girls about Stacey's mom's hot pussy and how he totally tore that shit up
Dickson Concepts
the Dickson Poon School of Law
Sir Dickson Poon
standing by your earlier position that the story is done for you
just kind of going "oh, that"
googling what that be
not knowing what that be
just now learning about the Star Wars Colon Anthology Trilogy
quickly chasing up cured pork products for Jason Statham
getting a call from a number you don't know at two thirty in the morning and just kind of assuming it's Gary
how gigantic her ass has gotten as she's aged
Then DJ and her friends tell the younger kids that they wanna talk about guys' dick sizes so they'd better split but then Stephanie's like, whatever, y'all, I got two men all up on my jammy
I guess the universe that Full House takes place in is one devoid of vaginal mucous
Lmao, okay you fucking stupid bitch full house is a show that is wholesome and appropriate for families that can sit together and enjoy themselves
What's weirdest about it is if you think about how hard it is to get a baby to act out a scene successfully and realize that those guys were probably sitting on that set kissing that baby all fucking day, under hot lights, on a regular basis
So DJ tries to slip out of the house but Danny sees her and is all, how you bout to leave my house dressed like a cheap ass hoe
get lost all of u becky and jesse are the best couple on tv i love them togther full house is amazing u sad people just dissing it coz u have nothing better to do get a life bitches
He looks like a naive art sculpture of Joe Piscopo made from old tires
The Dads all gather around to stare at Michelle and Howie, all tuckered out, postcoitus
he tells the girls about Gia's mom's hot pussy and how he totally tore that shit up
Once you've had Jesse inside of your butthole, a little piece of him stays there forever
Just so long as they don't interrupt all the nasty ass fucking that will be taking place downstairs
Pokemon Lewd and Lascivious
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "lewd and lascivious" to kiss you
fucking Florida, seriously
Florida police last week investigated whether a kill exchanged by seven year old elementary students amounted to "lewd and lascivious" behavior
Florida police last week investigated whether a kiss exchanged by seven year old elementary students amounted to "lewd and lascivious" behavior
she peed in through the bathroom window
The Beatle's Butt changes lyrics of Beatles songs to celebrate butts
whisper words of wisdom, let it pee
Finally, he calls Joey to kiss his weiner for him while he pees Paul McCartney
Finally, he calls Joey to thrill his weiner for him while he pees
Finally, he calls Joey to hold his weiner for him while he pees Paul McCartney
The baby's shit brings everyone together
Finally, he calls Joey to hold his weiner for him while he pees
Paul McCartney
This beatle's butt is basically a machine gun
This beetle's butt is basically a machine gun
Jennifer AIDS in Rape
Jennifer in Paradise
making a Hot Brown sandwich with Rebecca de Mornay
Rebecca De Mornay sauce
Mornay sauce
A knock at the door reveals some cheap hoe who's come over to bang Uncle Jesse
Saved by the Bell Quote of the Day
Full House Reviewed
the perfect beer for removing 'no' from your vocabulary for the night
holding two mothballs with Timothy Spall
peeholing Sylvia Batteries
Boneparcels of Khorne
Bloodletters of Khawke
Homeopaths of Khorne
holes for the hole god, corn for the corn throne
Bloodletters of Khorne cornholing Sylvia Browne
Bloodletters of Khorne
cornholing Sylvia Browne
cellist pee stick
testicle pickles
you might be Master Splinter
if you tried to have sex with a tree, you'd be Thor too
One man ran naked through a Florida neighborhood, tried to have sex with a tree and told police he was the real god Thor
that 'Hey Guys, Remember Erections and Being Physically Attractive to Young Women" just isn't a great clickbait title
drawing a picture of Judge Reinhold masturbating while spying on Phoebe Cates shopping for support hose
the title of loudest lovemakers in New York, I'm humpin' here
the title of loudest lovemakers in New York
having impure thoughts about a forty or fifty something Winona Rider
The Horniest Teens of the Eighties are All Forty or Fifty Something Now
The Horniest Teens of the Eighties
One man ran naked through a Florida neighborhood, tried to have sex with a tree and told police he was the mythical god Thor
Bernie Clifton Says He is Running for President, Announces Resignation from Job as Zoo Keeper
#minitiaramanorgy
#swanemperormotelpun
#amplerteenrumpswoon
#realmensupportwomen
FLCL
stalagmites
Bernie Sanders Says He is Running for President, Announces Resignation from Job as Crypt Keeper
brushie brushie
brushed metal
Janeway states that their cunt story has disrupted the time loop, bah
Janeway states that their tachyon burst has disrupted the time loop
eventually you'll come into my matrix, and you'll nourish me for a long, long time
it's taco pus, ouch
it's cactus photo
it's such a cop out
letting the bottom drop out
Pokemon Parts and Labor
Pokemon Bart and Milhouse
poor Mailhouse
Pokemon Bret and Keanu
everything's coming up Mailhouse
committing mail fraud with Rob Mailhouse
Drummer Rob Mailhouse's basement studio still hosts secret jams with Bret and Keanu
Turkish Dogstar Wars
studs playing Studs & Beatdowns with Tim Duncan
Dogstar
the giant sucking sound
spooning Bruce Jenner's boobs
June Sarpong's Monkey Donkey Question Time
Kunis's vaginal drippings to make Black Swan Sauce
golden cayenne peppers what you actually put in it
Dorothy Perkins!
Top Man!
Randy Boehning
the wettest bad dog you can ever think of
the best wet dog you can ever think of
the worst wet dog you can ever think of
a woman's reaction to being denied a cigarette by a man at a gas station in Jerusalem
disinterring George Eliot's corspe and fucking the eyholes of her skull in order to violate her like she violated young trannies
George Eliot
wondering if there is a pornstar called Transsexual Eliot
stds
studs
as cool as it was to see a real life old man beating off two young studs
playing Studs & Beatdowns with Tim Duncan
Alibaba's Ma says freezing hiring after growing 'too quickly'
as cool as it was to see a real life old man beating up two young studs
something something Family Guy something cock ordeal something Black Swan Sauce
wondering where you managed to get a hold of enough of Mila Kunis's vaginal drippings to make Black Swan Sauce
not actually writing Black Swan Sauce on the label instead of 'Hot sauce'
finding the last of the Black Swan Sauce you made a few years back, discovering that despite going from golden yellow to deep brown while sealed it is delicious, and having no clue other than golden cayenne peppers what you actually put in it
Transformers Generation
I enjoy your company
thinking all of this shit for over fifteen years
rationally knowing all of the realistic stuff about your depression, and still feeling all the shitty unrealistic stuff
scarier than thinking that no one has ever loved you is thinking that you're responsible for your own lonliness
Maru is licked by Hana for a long time
Japanese four lined ratsnakes
Twats Cornholing Teabagging Fisting Geldof
Space Cowboy Peaches Geldof
Maurice Geldof
Puppetutes Pompatus, Jedi Knight
Bruce Jenner Shown Golfing With Twats On Docuseries
Bruce Jenner Shown Golfing With Turtles On Docuseries
Bruce Jenner Shown Golfing With Breasts On Docuseries
blueberries are ten percent fructose
wondering why you don't see blueberries in sour or savory dishes much
I'm not sure I understand the mechanics of that one
shutting down the garbage smasher on her detention level
Raw Rude Fifer I
firewire fraud
discussing the puppetutes of love
speaking of the pompatus of love
haecceity
the mereological fallacy
if I could still bend that way I'd be able to make a lot of money on the internet, signed Michael Egan
high intensity discharge
if I could still bend that way I'd be able to make a lot of money on the internet
technically that's not even gay
listen, when that decade began I was pretty flexible and I was a growing boy
for ten whole years
I was young, I experimented with some things, it's in the past now
The Gay Nineties
The Fursuit of a Penis
The Fursuit of Happyness
the skeletal revolution will not be televised
being the epitome of a primo tricheco
wanting to make Kento an insertion aria for his birthday
being the epitome of a primo uomo
being the lube tome of a prima donna
being the epitome of a prima donna
Seven Pounds of Silicone
Seven Inches
Bitch
Six Inches of Dilation
I, Hand Job Robot
Nad Boys
I Am Lengthened
The Legend of Teabagger Vance
Handcock
Men in Back
The Pursuit of a Penis
The Pursuit of Happyness
enter slowpoke
my DJ revolves it
skeleton power
you've been over sometimes to my house
he'll solve it
the icy blue glint in her eyes when she fills her choux with cream Kento's gravitas
the icy blue glint in her eyes when she fills her choux with cream
Kento's gravitas
the almost magnetic attraction Kento's anus has to the cocks of walruses and walrus like beings
wondering how Wilford Brimley avoids Eiffel Towering Kento with Chris Lydon
wondering how Wilford Brimley avoids getting diabeetus
wondering how Santa Claus avoids getting diabetes
third party cookies
drawing a picture of the XXX Geldof joke and the XXX, Jedi Knight joke braiding their penises together to the point where they are indistinguishable
those two jokes have basically melded together, we need to do something to differentiate them
H E Joko Widodo Geldof
H E Joko Widodo, Jedi Knight
H E Joko Widodo
maybe more
there are in fact three of us here
don't mind if I do
just wanting to confirm that there are in fact three of us here and you're not giving advice to yourself
go crazy
having actual thoughts like "no tv and no beer make Homer something something"
the vagabond who's rapping at your door, if there's a problem, yo, he'll solve it
the death of Eduardo Galeano
it is within your gift
you can do this
only discussion, as opposed to argument or pleading, can change their minds
many people, even those close to you, may not realise that you have a problem, or may not feel qualified to involve themselves, or conversely feel that they have all the answers to your problems without any real understanding of what they are
though it is cliched to say it, physical activity can be a very good aid to improving mood and underlying state of mind
attempting to compare your life or career holistically to others is irrational and counter productive, though it feels intuitive and we all do it
this can only come about through a positive and deliberate reasoning process, comparing your achievements fairly to those of others
you must reach a point where you become unwilling to dismiss or belittle your own achievements
achievement in any field can improve your state of mind and self image
you may also want to set yourself goals and targets for physical achievements, but it is important not to be too hard on yourself for missing goals, as this can and will happen to anyone
a good start is discussion with your doctor about the problem and your options
this may occasionally involve yelling about fudge
the best thing most people can do, even if they would benefit from medication, is talk through their problems
it is important to remember that you are neither undergoing a process that nobody else could understand or suffering alone, in the sense that there are people who you can talk to even just to talk through the day to day problems
being unhappy or even clinically depressed is far from unusual
having troubling thoughts is a fairly normal thing to do
I have no advice to offer, but I can try and anagram something for you, if you'd like
having actual thoughts like "I'm never going to feel fine"
the Regina Riot
Colon Rape Maple Contents
Planescape Colon Torment
I seem to recall he was here around the time of the Boston Marathon bombing
I think he left around two years ago
honestly not believing that Kento has been here regularly if at all in years
I might as well be
so you're Kento is what you're saying
the vagabond who's rapping at your door
not to you
walruses don't talk
never getting Gary Coleman to say "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, walrus"
crying like a fire in the sun
Brian Dunkleman
Ant and Dec, or possibly Dermot O'Leary
I got a new phone last year
wondering if there's a British Ryan Seacrest
seeking peace in a whiskey bottle with carney's tears
you got a new phone last year
not having heard from Gary since you changed numbers when you got a new phone last year
wondering how Gary is doing
your eighteen year old arthritic cat not having the flexibility to groom herself so her haunches are all ratty
Captain Dikhard
confusing Jean Luc Picard with Jean Felix Piccard
IMDb's alternate names for Jean Luc Picard
confusing Jean Luc Picard with Jean Luc Godard
thousands of people who eat out are her customers
Alice was really going to town on her physics assignment
using those special parts to build your robot friends
seeking peace in a whiskey bottle with Ryan Seacrest
next Sunday AD
dodecuple Ratcall dog's cocks
Ratcall dogs
Audubon Fisting Guides being so darned expensive
your blood runs cold, Ikeda is the centerfold
na naaa na na na naa
Ragdoll cats
I only bought Lube Tome Magazine once, when Go Ikeda was the centerfold
subscribing to Lube Tome Magazine but finding it more pretentiously highbrow than Fister's Weekly
Sandra Bullock has been named Lube Tome Magazine's most painful ape in the world, ow
colloidal GOLD enemas
Sandra Bullock has been named People Magazine's most beautiful woman in the world
I bet sign
the twenty second century will be remembered as the century in which the Sandwich Making Foxes entered the Hand Job Robot Hyphen Human Barbie War
it begins
only knowing that you chose not to enter the regret "it begins" because it doesn't appear in your autofill cache
A fox in Chernobyl has made Kento a large sandwich using cold meats and bread fed to him by a radio crew in the area
it begins
A fox in Chernobyl has made a large sandwich using cold meats and bread fed to him by a radio crew in the area
almost always feeling guilty after being live yogurt
I really don't know what you mean
being slain by a chaotic evil yogurt elemental, if you know what I mean
being slain by a chaotic evil yogurt elemental
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic yogurt, is live or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
almost always feeling guilty after eating live yogurt
giving Kento a bitchin' fringe for his birthday
lending your bee space to a dishonest beekeeper
almost always feeling sleepy after eating live yogurt
bee space
giving Kento a bichon frise for his birthday
colloidal silver enemas
Television personality Rosie O'Donnell got an ISIS tattoo in support of the Islamic State's "struggle against Western imperialism"
drinking champagne out of the chimp twats in Mexico
having actual thoughts like "maybe some day someone would be able to love me lol" and "maybe some day I'll actually let someone love me lol" and both seem pretty unlikely ugh
but at the same time, jeez, feeling happy and self assured for a while would be like a dream to you, and this just feels like proof that that's never something you'll be able to achieve without it somehow being something worse
still occasionally coming here to express the regrets that really scare you and get you down, that you feel like you can't share with other people directly
for your own part, being so depressed and anxious all the time that you can't even tell the difference between manic and just, you know, normal happy
having similar problems, feeling like you could use similar help unless, you know, she is going crazy
your sister being on drugs for her anxiety and depression and you can't tell if they're doing a world of good for her or just fucking her up in a different way
when your sister jokes about being manic depressive and you can't tell if she's just joking and you don't know if you should be like "but really, so you really think this, showul you think about getting help"
not eating twats, COOKIE!
not eating twats
licking Christina Ricci's cornhole a lot
cornholing is such a gross word
liking cornholing Paul Daniels, not a lot, but you like it
liking cornholing Christina Ricci a lot
cornholing a lot like Christina Ricci
not being twats
The Ultimate Vegan Meatball
Darth Plunder, Sith Master
helps in turds
The Ultimate Meatball
Shitplunder
Thunderlips
cornholing a girl who looked a lot like Willie Mays
I have dreams about the day i meet Christina Ricci and she feeds me fishsticks with her feet, then makes me lick them clean
popcornholing Christina Ricci
Some sources even say that Ricci compared the smell of her feet to popcorn
waffles that smell A LOT like Christina Ricci
girls who smell A LOT like Christina Ricci
girls who smell like Christina Ricci
waffles that smell like vanilla
girls who smell like vanilla
woad deer, what can the matter be
painting woad on the beefy internet hunks, FORM OF DEER!
painting woad on the beefy internet hunks, FOR FREEDOM!
blowing loads on the beefy internet hunks
blowing beefy hunks on the internet
blowing beefy chunks on the internet
chunking beefy loads on the internet
loading beefy chunks on the internet
loving beefy hunks on the internet
loving meaty guys on the internet
eating meaty guys on the internet
meating lovely guys on the internet
I was thinkin' maybe I could just marry into posture
teabagging Raymond Burr whilst cornholing Willie Mays
Florida Man Tries to Kiss Cottonmouth Joe, Remains Bachelor
Florida Man Tries to Kiss Cottonmouth Snake, Hospitalized after Bite
getting a pedoscope reading of over seven point three gigapolanskis
pedoscopes
greedy lout meating lonely vaginas
meating lonely guys old tree vagina
meating lonely guys at Olive Garden
meating lonely guys on the internet
eating a german cannibal who meets lonely guys on the internet and convinces them to let him eat them
being a lonely doll
being a german cannibal who meets lonely guys on the internet and convinces them to let him eat them
eating a lonely guy
being a lonely guy
Pokemon Darron Braised
getting your lips around a soft taco, nosh nosh nosh
Pokemon Born and Raised
turning around, bright eyes look you
soft tacos
going down on Bahama Breeze during a trip to your parents'
trust me, you NEED a shower after fucking Eddie V's Prime Seafood
taking a shower after an evening of passion with Eddie V's Prime Seafood, only to hear your phone ring as you're drying off, then walking out to see Eddie V's Prime Seafood holding your phone with a pic of Olive Garden's dick on it
running into LongHorn Steakhouse for the first time since college, getting talking in a bar and ending up back at LongHorn Steakhouse's place getting hot and heavy when LongHorn Steakhouse's roommate walked in and you were all "oh hey Olive Garden"
getting a two am drunk dial from Olive Garden and Olive Garden was screaming so loud that Red Lobster, who was sleeping next to you, could hear it and Red Lobster decided to put his pants on and leave and he hasn't called you in a week
telling Olive Garden you left all its crap in a box on the sidewalk on your smartphone, leaving out that you kept that sweater that still smells of Olive Garden's musk
ordering Olive Garden To Go on your smartphone
samaroid dioramas
shitting in his or her mouth
the stoveOVEN could be received by a man from a god and then transmitted by him to a statue by taking it in his arms
the sa could be received by a man from a god and then transmitted by him to a statue by taking it in his arms
enbabling Firefox addons
Tyttenhanger Green
Patrick Stewart has a surprising number of fake nudes
Chris Lydon
wondering what celebrity ranks number one in the number of terrible fake nude photos people have photoshopped
so basically fuck firefox
I suppose that "overheat" was a poor choice of words because it's not like my computer shut down or even showed signs of slower performance, but it did get super hot and the fan turned on whenever I watch twitch or have some firefox addons enbabled
Harry Potter slash fiction
her mouth was trained to perfection, and she made no mistake in pronouncing her spells, and her tongue was skilled and halted not
turps is free
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina masturbating with your cut off hand
taking me down to the Paradise Alley where the paint hotel's green and the turps is free
cock and endless balls
if the overheating persists, open a window
you can rest it on a book as long as the vents aren't blocked
raising it just a few inches above the desk or other surface should correct the problem
your computer is overheating because there is not enough cooler air reaching the vent intake
I wasn't wearing any underwear, but I was asleep
the death of James Dean
Crapustule
eating fire in paint hotels or drinking turpentine in Paradise Alley, death, or purgatorying your torso night after night with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls
naming a place where big breasts mean big business
not being able to watch twitch without your computer overheating
on a scale of one to ten, how sexy is the underwear you have on now
taking it from me
not bringing enough for everyone
rubbing it in
darling it's better down where it's wetter
I haven't done cunnilingus in like three weeks and am feeling horny inside of France it's too dark to read
you should probably go in a plane or a boat or at least on a train under the sea
sorry everyone, I'm filled with sperm and suspect I may have become semelparous
calling it a bottle
I'm going back to France in a week and a half
oh three weeks boo hoo baby want his bottle
that's fine, unless you're saying you're in France
I haven't done cunnilingus in like three weeks and am feeling horny
inside of France it's too dark to read
wondering how things are going, outside of France
David and Patrick enjoyed docking immensely because of Patty's stretchy foreskin
I don't even have a tail
so, docking it is then
if it were my bag you may rest assured that I would like to make your bag my bag in a sleeping bag
I'd totally spoon your boobs, if you had any, which I'm pretty sure you don't, by reason of having male primary sexual characteristics which I am not interested in braiding or cupping, viz, it is not my bag
Regicide! #cheeriyolo
you got me
that ok, fine, you're special
spermicidal #yolo
Genocide! #yolo
nobody is special rtfm
coli
someone special
stable wifi
having practically no signal and being unable to connect to a stable wifi
bottoming for Willie Mays in Five Tool Players VII
nobody is special, colon apostrophe open bracket
having a great week farting in bed, eating garlicky vegan prawns, and not masturbating in case you should have been saving up for someone special
Greek yoghurt being principally composed of cultures of bacteria found in and on the human body, but not the awful ones like e coli
Fifty Shades of Grey Colon Fifty Shades Darker
Greek yoghurt smelling like sweat
Today marks the one hundred year anniversary of Armenian Genocide! #yolo
Today marks the one hundred year anniversary of Armenian Genocide!
aboot it, eh
about it
maizeholing Willie Korn
corking Willie Mays's bat
Willie Mays is no stranger to leathery balls right to the chin
I really had anally penetrative sex with Willie Mays the baseball player
wondering if you were doing the Mays slash Maize pun in your regret, or if you actually did have anal sex with Willie Mays and wanted to see how other people who have done the same felt about it
bottoming for Willie Maize in Cornholing VII
cornholing Willie Mays
never Eiffel Towering Harrison Ford with a Hutt
never telling Harrison Ford he's queer
I never thought of you like that, HAL
it's fun to say that you're my wife now Dave
never telling Harrison Ford he's odd
bottoming for Mila Kunis in Milk Anus I
Mila Kunis Geldof
being kicked out of a pitch meeting with the Suffolk Tourist Board for pitching "Worf's Texan Oligarch Flunk'
Johnny Depp Is Terrifying and Unrecognizable as Gangster Whitey Bulger in Black Mass Until He Purses His Lips
Mealworm Cunnilingus Geldof
Bulger in Black Mass
Johnny Depp Is Terrifying and Unrecognizable as Gangster Whitey Bulger in Black Mass
while Ashton Kutcher insults Turkishness
while Ashton Kutcher chokes a chicken
drawing a picture of Mila Kunis performing cunnilingus on a mealworm
Mila Kunis 'so fucking relaxed' by holiday in Suffolk
drawing a picture of Mila Kunis taking holiday in Suffolk, if you know what I mean
being kicked out of a pitch meeting with the Suffolk Tourist Board for pitching "Fucking Anal Sex Fort Whorl"
being kicked out of a pitch meeting with the Suffolk Tourist Board for pitching "Suffolk Can Relax, Right Now"
Tiny Hamster vs Kobayashi
that doesn't really improve the voyeur's situation
Rachel Stevens is middle aged
that maybe you'd feel differently if pictures of Rachel Stevens surfaced but your gut feeling is that you'd just feel like a skeevy middle aged get
wondering why anyone wanted to see porn movies starring that wretchedly ugly chick who banged Anthony Wiener
wondering why naked pics of celebrities are somehow more valuable or appealing than the literally millions of other naked people available on the internet, other than the illicit thrill of the fact that they were stolen
I was talking about the poorly photoshopped stuff
now I'm the Kento
being somehow morally superior, very lonely, and not wanking like a chimp just at the thought that some people you've never met might have had sex
finding the most remarkable thing about the 'fappening' to be how little it interested you
not knowing if the previous regret is referring to the usual porn with a celebrity head poorly photoshopped on or a reference to the so called 'fappening'
a google search for "Mila Kunis nude" indicating that she has had quite a bit of experience with that
Mila Kunis 'destroyed' anally
The lawsuit alleges Mykel Hawke "is driven by the motive of jealousy to destroy Mr Teti's successful television career," and that Hawke "enlisted several co conspirators to aid him in his campaign against Mr Teti"
Mila Kunis 'devastated' by cock
check your urethra
battery not found
Mila Kunis 'devastated' by cockblocking
Mila Kunis 'devastated' by cock trial
Mila Kunis 'devastated' by chicken lawsuit
probably having changed less than you think
barely recognising yourself
wondering if you would be recognisable to someone who hasn't seen you for years
that devil's advocaat is an oxymoron
his point of view
being certain Tweetdeck is a buggy, memory eating piece of shit, but have nothing to back that up with
never really getting much opportunity to talk to an anti commerce radical
Saucer
A Curse
Race Us
Car Use
A Colorado man who has been "fighting with his computer for the last several months"
Dick was constantly, as you would imagine, pushing very hard on his point of view
$$
Arceus
Goosiness is next to Swanliness
insulting Goosiness
insulting Turkish Star Warsness
insulting Turkishness
it's walkin' fuck, hallelujah, it's walkin' fuck, amen
I'm walkin' fuck
not being sure you want to wait over two years for a walk in fuck
it looks like she can fit you in around July twenty seventeen
if you want to screw Lindsay Lohan, you can download her snatchchat ap and book an appointment
Tartikoff wrote a brainstorming memo that simply read "Titanic meets Frasier"
Tartikoff wrote a brainstorming memo that simply read "MTV cops"
pseudepigrapha
Spiders of Lohan
if you have anal nymphs, consult your doctor immediately
FOUR HOT ANAL NYMPHS GETTING THEIR BUTTS DESTROYED, AH AH AH
THREE HOT ANAL NYMPHS GETTING THEIR BUTTS DESTROYED
a Chinese cartoon where the robots turn into blingwads
seriously, just tell me where the damn forest is
really regretting not making time to talk or time with the cute girl from Monday
walking ten miles through idyllic forests yesterday and not seeing a single nymph, hot assed or otherwise
I know a forest frequented by hot assed nymphs of indeterminate age if you want to give that a shot
really needing to get laid
preferring to believe that abasing oneself with Lindsay Lohan automatically makes one the submissive, bottom or less worthy part of the horrible conjoining of flesh
it's really hard to modify regrets on the phone, because of the tendency to scroll everything rather than just the text box
that regret gets a huge F circled at the top with "see me after class" written under it
why would they call it Riders of Lohan when Lohan is the one doing the riding
taking your panties off in Pentewan
bottoming for Lindsay Lohan in Riders of Lohan, Winona Rider
going to the Most Beautiful Ass in the World world premiere with Lindsay Lohan
bottoming for Lindsay Lohan in Beautiful Arabic Donkey VII
You're a Beautiful Donkey
the two are not mutually exclusive
Lindsay Lohan Confuses 'You're Beautiful' With 'You're a Donkey' in Arabic
Dick Butkus, da Bears
A dog found at the controls of a tractor on the Mseventyfour motorway has caused long tailbacks
Dick Cole
Mrs 'Anus Goes to Venice
fin octet, if you know what I mean
fin octet
confetti
clown semen
clown prostitutes
clown porn
the death of Jewel Ricci
her mojo plan
Hole Jam Porn
bottoming for Huge Jackman in Ex Men III Colon The Ass Stand
Male Pro John
Major Phenol
John Palermo
that combining Bryan Singer, Ian McKellen, and a man with the name "Hugh Jackman" has already produced a property gayer than a Minnesota bathroom
wondering what can be gained by reading X men comics
the gays are already spending their decorative throw pillow money on your shitty movies, Marvel, what the hell more do you want
disturbing, blue Kelsey Grammer replacement, bright blue Gary Glitter
wondering what can be gained by making gay a member of a franchise that has already pretty much been embraced as a huge metaphor for homosexuality
disturbing, blue Kelsey Grammer
being aware that most of if not all of the 'classic' and prominent X men have been portrayed in the movies, but seriously having no fucking clue who any of them were
Ewan McGregor joins live action 'Data Butane Bytes, Eh'
Ewan McGregor joins live action 'Abated by a Teen Tush'
Ewan McGregor joins live action 'A Death by Tuna Beets'
Ewan McGregor joins live action 'Beauty and the Beast'
something Iceman something something Bryan Singer's hot tub
'X Men' Icon Iceman Comes Out as Gay
Jackin' it Jackin' it, Jackity Jack! Spankin' it Jackin' it, Spankity Smack!
Pokemon Paul Blart Colon Mall Cop and Paul Blart Colon Mall Cope Two Colon Mall Copper
Pokemon Eiffel Towering and Spray Painting
Red Letter Media's Zookeeper trailer review
Pokemon Griddles and Waffle Irons
an ass like a ten year old boy having her buttocks spray painted
drawing a picture of a female human of indeterminate age with an ass like a ten year old boy having her buttocks spray painted teal by Pikachu and Weedle
drawing a picture of Ash Ketchum between Weedle and Pikachu
being anywhere between Weedle and Pikachu
Pokemon Thirteen and Twenty Five
Buckyballs House
Pokemon Girdles and Underwear
a widowed and pregnant veterinarian
Fuller House
there's nothing wrong with saying hello
I did get a glimpse of her face as I walked past, but it was inconclusive, and I didn't want to turn back and stare at her
spanx club doesn't pay
crime doesn't pay
"Spanx Smuggler," seventy, Arrested With Four Pounds Of Cocaine In Her Girdles, Underwear
it basically looked like she spray painted her buttocks lean tone
it basically looked like she spray painted her buttocks loan teen
it basically looked like she spray painted her buttocks ante Leon
FourOhOne K and Juliet
she may remember you from such movies as 'Sexy Grampa' and 'Dentures in the Glass'
that also, if you get talking she'll be able to judge for herself how Troy McClure you are
having been in similar situations and got so wrapped up in worrying that you wasted the chance
not having any useful advice for the situation other than maybe if you looked at something other than her ass you might get some more clues to her real age
Roman Polanski's fear of drugging and repeatedly sexually assaulting twenty five year old women
taking a wank in the woods and noticing a young lady wearing tiny shorts that perfectly fitted her nice rear doing some kind of aerobics dance, and wondering whether to lust after her because she could have been anywhere from thirteen to twenty five
feeling cunamorus
Indominus rex
More dogs showing up to emergency veterinarian offices high on marijuana
The actor, best known for his role as Captain James T Kirk in Star Trek, called Seattle "a place where there's a lot of water"
it basically looked like she spray painted her buttocks neon teal
taking a walk in the woods and noticing a young lady wearing tiny shorts that perfectly fitted her nice rear doing some kind of aerobics dance, and wondering whether to lust after her because she could have been anywhere from thirteen to twenty five
tall poppy syndrome
that that Comic Sans isn't in the list of top regrets isn't in the list of top regrets
No Sour Cum, allycumpooster
like his brother Myke, Stringfellow Hawke refused to wear underwear
we named the kid Indiana
When Stringfellow Hawke was ten, he and his parents were involved in a boating accident
Cunomorus, allycumpooster
I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog
Cunomorus
you'll never find a more wretched hive of sand cum villainy
Pokemon Scum and Villainy
Pokemon Bearded Riker and Beardless Riker
Pokemon Arleil Schous and Pons Limbic
Pokemon Commander and Two Female Ensigns in a Mud Bath
Pokemon Master and Commander
Pokemon Kit Fisto and Elan Sleazebaggano
Pokemon Master and Apprentice
bottoming for Nude Gunray in Ass Blockades Isn't Entirely Legal VII
Pokemon Boss Nass and Nute Gunray
The power source for Gungan technology was a mysterious blue white energy "goo" that was mined in the depths of Naboo's oceans
Pokemon masturbation
Pokemon Masturbation and Pussies and Waffles
I barely even vote any more, don't look at me
the top regrets being about existential angst and interpersonal awkwardness, and the bottom regrets being about fisting and masturbation and pussies and waffles
Pokemon Meesa So Happy and They Came From Behind
coarse
Pokemon Course and Rough and Irritating
Pokemon I Have a Bad Feeling About This and Cover Me, Porkins
Pokemon Cookies and Pussy
Pokemon Never Tell Me The Odds and It Belongs In A Museum
Pokemon Cease & Desist
Pokemon Your Recent Accomplishments Leaving You Feeling Spent, Used, and Broken into Smithereens, Rather than Joyous, Celebratory or Purposeful
Pokemon Resignation and Platitudes
Pokemon Indecision and Self Recrimination
Pokemon I Pulled Up to the House About Seven or Eight and I Yelled to the Cabbie 'Yo Holmes Smell Ya Later,' I Looked at My Kingdom, I Was Finally There, To Sit on My Throne as the Prince of Bel Air
Pokemon Chillin' Out Maxin' Relaxin' All Cool and All Shootin' Some B Ball Outside of the School
seeing a cute girl before you went out for the day but not being able to stop and talk with her
No signal found for mobile networks
M
being allergic to penile pap
being allergic to ape nipple
being allergic to pineapple
putting too much orange juice in your Canadian Cookie, eh
putting too much orange juice in your Canadian Pussy, eh
putting too much pineapple juice in your Sweet Tight Pussy
butchering your meeter
meeting your butcher
i dot imgur dot com slash AsixPffivetwol dot jpg
feeling really randy for some reason right now, baby, cheerio
feeling really hungry for some reason right now
reading nine three five three four in Cookie Monster's voice
lately viewing the CD and DVD collection you've haphazardly built up but rarely if ever use as a possible sign of hoarding
just really not understanding the collector mentality
they had a Watto doll in the same scale, mint in box, but it was only worth seventy five percent of the signed authenticated Michelle Pfeiffer photo
Bizarre, Striated, Earthwormlike Jar Jar Binks
Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks
feeling really horny for some reason right now
Fribbulus Xax
spanx club SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
spanx club
that you used to be in wanx club but then you found out that you could just like wanx on Facebook
wanx club
joining the winx club in the bathroom at church
winx club
wix month old lake babies
wix months
arguing about co payments with my insurance company for wix months like you did by the lake on Naboo
giving me slightly too little novocaine and a sugar free lollipop like you did by the lake on Naboo
extracting my wisdom teeth like you did by the lake on Naboo
Urban Guy
it's basically Family Guy with all the character's skin tone darkened five percent
Dad's Modern Skin Flyer, the hit new comedy on FOX, this Sunday from eight
bellowing DAD'S MODERN SKIN FLYER
bellowing LARD KNIFED SYNDROMES
sucking me like you did by the lake on Naboo
that your phone won't suggest sucked but will suggest Naboo
drilling me like you did by the lake on Naboo
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker being Eiffel Towered by Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks and sand by the lake on Naboo
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker being Eiffel Towered by the lake on Naboo
thrilling me like you did by the lake on Naboo
holding me like you did by the lake on Naboo
laking a shame baby
meeting me by the lake to talk lake babies
bending a spoon with your mind and also your hands
seriously, wtf is a lake baby
lake babies going on a Santa cruise
going on a Santa cruise in a Santa suit to Santa Cruz sponsored by Santander and Tom Cruise
J Period J Period Abrams was 'suspicious' of 'Star Wars' actor Mark Hamill colon 'He invited me to the Quality Inn, Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl'
meesa love you long time
meesa so horny
Mark Hamill was 'suspicious' of 'Star Wars' director J Period J Period Abrams colon 'He was a 'Star Trek' guy'
meesa be fillin' you all de ways
please, PLEASE never use the phrase "twelve inch Jar Jar" ever again
out of box
that an authenticated signed Michelle Pfieffer glossy has the same value as a near mint twelve inch Jar Jar
on the end
that the fact that there are two e's on wookiee but not on Chewie has started to bother you
sucking Joey Fatone until he had a NSYNCgasm
sucking a big Joey Fatone
bottoming for Joey Fatone and Manley Pope in Rent Boys VII
the Netherlands thing is strange admittedly, jij hebt seks met ezels
Manley Pope, boyfriend to Elizabeth and Jessica
the Netherlands thing is strange admittedly
there's nothing wrong with the auto correct in the Netherlands
RegretLand, the most regretful place on Earth
she's the ship that made the Hill Valley Run in less than eighty eight miles an hour
wondering if lake babies is some kind of British patois, or if it's a pop culture reference I'm not getting, if it's a pun on something I'm not seeing, or if your auto correct just screwed you on that one
Lake Puppies
Huey, we're news
much preferring Lake Boobies to the Dick of Hate
once again being super glad that dinosaurs are extinct
because of the dawn
turns out it's cockerels
Lake Babies
not really being able to tell if you're hearing a couple of howling dogs or a couple of howling drunks
riding Bicoid Babe's Asshole Fountain even though it is a total dork ride for lake babies
riding the Dick of Hate and not having enough tickets left to ride Bicoid Babe's Asshole Fountain
his critics can "all ride the dick of hate because the truth comes out in the end"
adeelmoru
remoullllade
licking Danish remoulade out of Sylvia Browne's wetter cat
not liking Danish remoullade, it's oleagenous and thick and viscous and it gets everywhere
licking Danish remoulade out of Sylvia Browne's erect twat
playing Cristina Ricci and Winona Rider with Tim Duncan
drawing a picture of Christina Ricci and Winona Rider
braiding their twats together
City of Troy
drawing a picture of Christina Ricci and Winona Rider braiding their twats together
Blisland, allycumpooster
Blisland
People married to Catholics also are no longer excluded
tiny kangaroo motorsport
the bald old Duke of York, he had some billionaire friends, they invited him to Rape Island and the allegations stem from then self harming in the bath with the lights off, surrounded by scented candles
the world's first bowlful of vagina yoghurt
smelling sex and Candide here
reading Candide while smelling candied candida candidly
FUNT CROSS
not liking that and
the bald old Duke of York, he had some billionaire friends, they invited him to Rape Island and the allegations stem from then
self harming in the bath with the lights off, surrounded by scented candles
popping a finger up your butt while you self harm
mutual self harming
sitting on your hand for a while before you self harm so that it feels like someone else is doing it
always thinking Will Smith is a marsh elf
always thinking Kid Rock is an achondroplastic dwarf
Pokemon Maxin' and Relaxin'
having a swift sneaky self harm before you get up
spending most of your days on the playground
Bawitdaba, da bang, da dang diggy diggy, diggy, said the boogie, said up jump the boogie
deviled eggs
Pokemon Twats and Breasts
Pokemon Cookie and Pussy
Pokemon Coriander and Colander
Pussy Monster, US Surgeon General Urge Women To Get HPV Vaccinations
putting coriander in your colander
Elmo, US Surgeon General, Urges Children To Get Their Vaccinations
more like Kevin Crabs
that's what Kevin Clash said
it's just a little pinch, and it's safe
Elmo, US Surgeon General Urge Children To Get Their Vaccinations
"faggot faggot, faggot faggot, faggot faggot, bite my butt"
The Morbegs
fal lal the willow! I know that you like me! hey! come merry dol! I know it's not a secret! derry dol! my darling! I want to be your girlfriend!
Hey dol! merry dol! I don't like your girlfriend! ring a dong dillo! I think you need a new one! ring a dong! hop along! I could be your girlfriend!
Tom Bombadil Lavigne
Bovril Lavigne
digging a vril latrine with Avril Lavigne
getting CN Towered by Jim Carrey in a Maple Leafs jersey and a Canada goose in a mountie hat in the dumpster behind Tim Hortons while Alan Thicke watches from afar pleasuring himself with a hockey puck
eating poutine whilst listening to Rush and curling with a box of Kraft dinner
fmefs
wondering if there is a more Canadian thing than the Halifax Mooseheads Quebec Major Junior Hockey League team, eh
Dorothy the Dinosaur dances to this song
Alba an Aigh
perforated owl
giving Kento a colander for his birthday
giving Kento a perforated bowl for his birthday
perforated bowl
flowerpot bread
STOP! Hammer flans
it's hammer flans
it's Marsh Elfman
it's Morgan Freeman
marsh elves like to relax and unwind in exclusive party haunts frequented by world leaders, movie stars and the ultra rich
marsh elf sales divisions offer a typical yield for investors up to fifteen percent greater than yields of conventional elf sales divisions
marsh elves are extremely goal oriented
Living in a swamp has its advantages, making the marsh elves more hardy, but also disadvantages, making them less sociable outside of their own kind
Marsh Elf Sally
that after a long car journey you often want a long, slow marsh elf in a relaxing, private environment
that after a long car journey you often want a long, slow self harm in a relaxing, private environment
the eradication of mirepoix
Moby self harming himself in Japan
an international festival of the art of marionettes held every summer
mirepoix
always thinking that young bald men without facial hair are cancer patients
it's more than a feeling
I've been watching a Star Wars teaser since way before anybody paid me to watch a Star Wars teaser
Matthew Mcconaughey's reaction to Star Wars teaser
brainin ran
raisin bran
that the peanuts, Mexican food, and raisin brain you had been eating the past couple of days culminated yesterday in a dump that felt like it was at least fifty kilos
dietary fibre is important
doesn't even hurt to poop no more
no biggie
a couple of days of septicemia
there was just a little bit on the wipe
at least you're not shitting blood anymore
committing self harm in the middle of the night, laid in your cold, insuperably vast and otherwise empty bed, trying not to think about what could have been and instead focusing on some scuzzy porn you saw featuring people who are arguably better than you
being slain by a marsh elf in the bathroom at church
being slain by a crane grue
committing self harm in the bathroom at church
committing self harm in the bathroom during your lunch break
Women with short hair are committing self harm
vous avez ete mange par une crane
Kento's ass and buttocks
Hillary Clinton probably needs Chipotlaway now
bottoming for Charlie Chaplin in The Braid Dicktator
always leaving it until the last minute to pack fudge
giving someone a note that says "you ready anal culls" whenever you say goodbye to them, even if you will see them again soon
always leaving it until the last minute to pack
giving someone a note that says "you are Dana Scully" whenever you say goodbye to them, even if you will see them again soon
Gazorpazorpfield
giving someone a note that says "you are Jake Sully" whenever you say goodbye to them, even if you will see them again soon
Wee Willie Winkie running through the town
wondering if by posting some auto translated Klingon the other day you inadvertently woke up Spambot
giving someone a note that says "will I have to suffer and cry the whole night through" whenever you say goodbye to them, even if you will see them again soon
giving someone a note that says "waffletastic" whenever you say goodbye to them, even if you will see them again soon
GaoRXobwyfznrfxeB
giving someone a note that says "you are Lisa Simpson" whenever you say goodbye to them, even if you will see them again soon
speleology
Panty Ant Man
speliology
we should take bikini bottom and push it somewhere else
that you rarely watch YouTube with ads thanks to ad blocking software and you're always surprised when you see them
you are probably more likely to buy maxi pads than go to see Ant Man, and at least those ads usually have somewhat attractive women in them
wishing that you could somehow convey the idea to Youtube that, even though you are in the prime target demographic, you have absolutely no fucking interest in Ant Man, and you will not go and see it no matter how many times they give you the ad
The First Order
ewwww
doing a poop so big it made you bleed a little, then getting kind of sick for a couple of days after
wondering what that "terrifying poop experience" you had a while back was
being I don't even knowtheistic
I don't even know
theistic
pitching a concept album that brings together talented tuba players to perform pop music standards of the twenty tens
grand slamming Fat Sam at Fat Sam's Grand Slam, it's your home sweet home, no homo
noting that someone entered "noting that "it's the CIA" is an anagram of "atheistic" but someone already entered it" in their personal file at CIA headquarters
noting that "it's the CIA" is an anagram of "atheistic" but someone already entered it
it's the CIA
bTTrcnpnlySY
It's your kids, Chewie! Something's gotta be done about your kids!
he knew he had those fridges installed for a reason
okay, I just watched it, the part where Han crashes the Falcon into a golf course was pretty cool
UNCLEAN
just Moons of Iegoing it in sandy Jakku
I didn't watch it, I just read a news article
not watching the trailer because you don't want to get sucked back in
the desert planet Jakku indicating that the new trilogy too will center around eremikophobia
Chewie, we're home
sending Hayden Christensen the complete works of Amantine Lucile Dupin
Will Smith stars as a man who sets out to run a couple co projects with seven people
Will Smith stars as a man who sets out to change the lives of seven people
imagining that silicone injections give flesh the same sort of weight, feel and tactile properties as your kitchen utensils
building a town under a ramp made from pedophiles with Peter Frampton
making a mental note to never eat anything Micha Stunz has cooked
we should introduce him to Kento
he estimates it weighs half a stone, although it is too heavy to be weighed on his kitchen scales anymore
science cannot advance without dick pics
Micha Stuntz
New Monkee with unusual penis is too busy singing to put anybody down
Han Solo is still dicking around in his filthy spaceship with a giant kid for company, so presumably Leia decided Luke was still the better prospect of the two
New monkey with unusual penis discovered
Force Sand
wondering if Hayden Christensen will be playing the inevitable Force Ghost Anakin
being too busy singing to spay or neuter your pets
seeing from a screencap that apparently after thirty seven years Han Solo is still dicking around in his filthy spaceship with a giant dog for company, so presumably Leia decided Luke was still the better prospect of the two
being too busy singing to put anybody down
Eric Clinton Kirk Newman
being named after a metalACHOOfocus
Panama City gang rape colon 'Spring break as we know it is over'
being named after a fatal mouse cooch
being named before a famous chocolate
being named after a famous chocolate
Dildo Forian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong
Dido Florian Cloud de Bounevialle O'Malley Armstrong
bottoming for Harvey Cream in The Twink Defense VII
the Twinkie defense
swanslaughter
manslaughter
Son of a bitch! Fist with your toes
hopefully uncrusting concealables in your underwear
hopefully concealing unbraidables in your underwear
hopefully concealing untouchables in your underwear
unpronouncables
chay' Qui Tu vISov vIneH
hopefully concealing uncrustables in your underwear
resistance is ductile, oo oo
resistance is ductile
resistance is tensile
resistance is futile, but I like it more when you pretend
resistance is futile
on Andor you just swipe your hand under the restroom divider
Heaven, Eden, call it what you will, the Klingons call it "Qui Tu," for the Romulans it's "Vorta Vor," the Andorian word is unpronouncable
Darmok and Jalad, at Tanagra
interpreting the entirety of Star Trek as a metaphor for anal sex
good to go ease
that guy not taking "I would totally bang your mom" in the complimentary way you intended it
uncrustables
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her twats
using the word "twattastic"
using the word "watts"
wondering if there will be mass cannabis related deaths all through the month of April five years from now
moodily going where no man has gone before
shooting guns just makes you horny
getting an advertisement for Youtube on Youtube
drawing a picture of Kento being horizontally integrated by Rupert Murdoch and a Japanese media conglomerate
horizontal integration, if you know what I mean
using the word "twats"
horizontal integration
boldly going "on a fag whore semen boner, eh"
boldly going "where no man has gone before"
bottoming for Trip Tucker III in Trip Fucker III
tripping over three times while being commanded to tuck by commander Trip Tucker III
bodily going where no man has gone before
bottoming for Peter Gabriel in GenASSis VII only to have him be replaced by Phil Collins partway through
drawing a picture of Peter Gabriel and MC Hammer hammering their sledges together
this amusement never ends
wanting to be your stop sledgehammer in the summertime
sledge sledge sledgehammer
wanting to be my sledgehammer
right here, April fifteenth twenty fifteen, I'm calling "Darth Sledge" as the new Star Wars villain
Darth Sand
who's that singing at your wedding, it's Calculon, Calculon, Calculon
Don Henley's wedding sounding like a nightmare gig
in a New York minute, oooooOOOOoooooh, everything can change, I'm walkin' here
the Y cape of Darth Sledge
the percy of Death Sledge
the sledge of Percy Death
the death of Percy Sledge
a man who has been attacking people for sneezing
blathering
obviously pop acts sell themselves using sex, but it seems curious that actors have to as well
guessing that it's possible young male actors are required to do similar things and you just don't notice
finding it weird that any young actress has to pose in what you might laughably call 'au naturel' shots to raise her profile and wondering who is going to be the first pictured taking the hugest dump
googling 'athena battlestar' because you couldn't recall the character, but mostly getting pictures of the equivalent remake character's actress in some of her underwear
that was the end of the innocence
Henley called paramedics to his home on November twenty first, nineteen eighty, where a sixteen year old girl was found naked and claiming she had overdosed on quaaludes and cocaine
diatomic carbon
not really being certain
down to where
with walrus semen in his hair and a dress cut down to there
his name was Kento, he was a showgirl
not realizing how huge Tatyana Ali's co projects had gotten until you did a google image search
running Tatyana Ali's couple co projects
smelling the blood of an Englishman, cheerio
Auntie Fum
Auntie Foe
Auntie Fie
Auntie Fee
a crude frill romper rag on Sesame Street, eh
a regular canine performer on Sesame Street
a regular child performer on Sesame Street
wondering if Tatyana Ali would run a couple of co projects with you, if you know what I mean
spooning Tatyana Ali's boobs
the Bottomsex Canal
having impure thoughts about a teenage Tatyana Ali
you never really watching
that you never really watching the Fresh Prince when it was first run
finding out that you were born several years after Tatyana Ali, even though growing up you always thought she was much younger than you
getting up, getting with it, or getting out of my sight
shit blasted Sting
watching Kenneth Dupee Swan being duped by a swan
finding out that you were born the same year as Tatyana Ali, even though growing up you always thought she was much older than you
Kenneth Dupee Swan
the Middlesex Canal, wicked pissah
wondering where the fixation with Roman Polanski came from originally
meted anal child sex
the Middlesex Canal
meating a girl whose father is a proctologist and whose mother is a gynecologist
Fat gay Asian zoo keeper saves horny walrus by licking it's penis for an hour
meeting a girl whose father is a proctologist and whose mother is a gynecologist
getting fucked in tits genetics, son, eh
wondering how many parents have named their children before Pokemon
for an hour
regretting it
getting sucked into thine Sting feces
getting sucked into fencing testis, eh
getting sucked into the fisting scene
Chinese zoo keeper saves constipated chimp by licking it's anus for an hour
stealing that girl's champagne out of the communal chimp anus
not one of the fifty three people who have fisted Go Ikeda regretting it
Stalin that comrade's bra from the communist laundry room every day for five years
applying nude thong thong fluid to Abra's bra
stealing that nun's bra from the commune laundry room
stealing Abra's bra from the communal laundry room
knowing a girl in high school named Abra
wondering how many parents have named their children after Pokemon
Getone Zester Rhydon Geldof
John Ronald Reuel Roald Rubnadictacy Rastafarian Geldof
he should really getone
Christopher Rhydon not owning a zester
Christopher Rhydon
not owning a zester
Christopher Walrein
wondering why your finger hurts and then remembering that you cut it on a zester
John Ronald Reuel Roald Rubnadictacy Rastafarian Tolkien
wondering if JRRRRR Tolkien had an extensive dildo collection that would draw his gaze whenever he tried to think of a name for a character
Alaska Airlines, meow
Tom Bombadil Airlines
failure of the acme nut threads happened because of insufficient lubrication of the jackscrew assembly which was the result of Alaska's extended lubrication and inspection intervals
stealing that girl's waffles from the communal waffle iron
seeing a photo of a fleet of Alaska Airlines jets and assuming that the face on their tails was some kind of IVchan style manipulated meme image
An airport worker who fell asleep and found himself trapped in a plane's cargo hold forced a Los Angeles bound Alaska Airlines flight to return to Seattle Monday afternoon
braiding hot Italian sausages together
trying to barter hot Italian sausage for comics, if you know what I mean
trying to barter hot Italian sausage for comics
hot Italian sausage
having never bought a comic in your life
dill pickles
"Stop, I'm Already Dead" by Deadboy & the Elephantmen
that iZombie is based on a comic you ignored because the title was stupid and you assumed the premise either to be zombies even more obviously than usual obsessed with consumerism, or some kind of relationship fish out of water bullshit
fuck off back to Eton with all your honest cum
seeing that there's a show called iZombie, and, charitably, deciding to interpret it as an attempt to document the two dumbest trends of our generation for archaeological posterity, rather than a cynical attempt to trick people into watching
fuck off back to Eton with all your Eton chums
bra meeting Perp Penis
rubbing one out in that girl's bra from the communal laundry room
stealing that girl's bra from the normal manly cum odour
that's no truly anal cum dorm moon, that's a truly anal cum dorm space station
stealing that girl's bra from the truly anal cum dorm moon, eh
Prince probably has banged some teenagers he shouldn't have
taking a trip to the Dewiest Rape Isles with Bill Clinton and Prince
Prince Andrew
picturing the cuisine of the Dewiest Rape Isles as the kind of bakefried crap middle aged men who've let themselves go prefer, served with the finest shitty warm beers by teenage sex workers
taking a trip to the Dewiest Rape Isles with Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew
Tweedier Piss Ales
Saltier Swede Pies
Dewiest Rape Isles
Edelweiss Pirates
wankerleaks
Hillary Clinton has stolen our innovative WikiLeaks twitter logo design
the French Canadian Crippler, mon tabarnak j'vais te decalisser la yeule, calice
the French Canadian Crippler
the French Crippler
prawns, no homo
sticking your dick in crayfish
French gigglers
French ticklers
whittlin' on a piece o' wood
crisping your duck like crazy
Pope Calls Killings of Sand People 'Genocide,' Provoking Turkish Star Wars
sticking Myke Hawke in crazy
sticking your dick in a streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds
not sticking your dick in crazy, especially if you were acting on advice from others
sticking your duck in crazy
sticking your dick in crazy
bottoming for very dirty birds in Big Black Prawn Stars VII
drawing a picture of a very dirty bird taking a huge load of prawns, no homo
screaming fishfully
The UK is among the least religious countries in the world, fuck your god, cheerio
a third possibility, that the bird was simply "very dirty" had been discounted early Thursday morning when it was noticed the bird was standing in water and couldn't be dirty, because it's like having a bath
boffins described the normal diet of flamingos, a load of prawns, as being responsible for the pink coloration of flamingoes, "no homo", but said either the black flamingo had been living on coal or was some kind of dancer having a breakdown, crikey
An extremely rare black flamingo, possibly the only one of its kind, was spotted near a military base on the Mediterranean island of Cyprus on Wednesday
Although its body is fat, its proficient clenching skills enable it to keep up with big bruisers like Walrein and Professor Oak
luchawhores
tracking down oil workers who skip bail with Tracey Ullman
Although its body is small, its proficient fighting skills enable it to keep up with big bruisers like Machamp and Hariyama
Lotion Maids of Heated Nurse TV, desu ne
Lotion Maids of Heated Nurse TV
The Adventures of Lotion Maids
fisting thoughtfully
something swanful
thinking fishfully
thinking wishfully
The Adventures of Idiot Salmon
Snappling Canadians
The Adventures of Milo and Otis
crippling Canadians
one of the only guys who would take a chair shot to the back of the head
the Canadian Crippler
Farage isn't going to get up before dawn
Giant Ehstacks
Big Daddy
Giant Haystacks
he IS Polish, so I'm pretty sure the old "heads I win, tails you lose" trick will work on him
stealing that boy's bra from Kento's laundry room
Hulk Hogan's Heroes
Prince Jan Zylinski has challenged Nigel Farage to a duel because he has "had enough of discrimination against Polish people" in the UK
Part Scot Ed, eh
Samuel L Jackson Hogan Geldof
Captain America Hogan
Hawkeye Hogan
Black Widow Hogan
Thor Hogan
Iron Man Hogan
Hulk Hogan's kin
being sort of surprised that there hasn't been a comic book villain named 'Deport Scat, Eh' yet
being sort of surprised that there hasn't been a comic book villain named 'The Podcaster' yet
no argument there
he would still be better than Clooney
casting Kento as Batman
like Tim Burton's Penguin
Chris Lydon has all those walrus friends
Busty Din
maybe you were jerking a lonely old man
thinking dark matter is stupid without any real basis for thinking so
wondering if there is a game like the Settlers of Catan where you can win by just pulling a gun and shooting the other players dead, those bastards
Dusty Bin
feeling dumb
not being sure you would play Risk all the way through if instead of fruity eighteenth century armies it involved crabs, but still, crab armies would be something to see
thinking that there probably is
wondering if there is a game like Risk but with crabs
having never finished a game of Risk
cracking regrets out to consign your shame to oblivion
still really wanting noodles
noodling on it just to annoy other people
that if the 'dex were a keyboard you'd probably spend hours noodling on it just to annoy other people
using the word "patrician" as an adverb, even for a joke
trying and failing to get laid
rubbing one out in the communal laundry room
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he did want a serious relationship, he was stealing your bras from the communal laundry room
stealing Jewel's bra
six times
that whoever voted yes on 'giving up drinking' wasn't you
sometimes feeling that you know someone but being aware of how ridiculous that would be and never acting on it
dear diary, today I took the amazing Regret Index further into the realms of indulgent diatribe than ever before, signed,Anonymous Racist British Regrettor
that ah, well, I guess you know don't you, and it is probably just the way I'm made so perhaps this was always the inevitable end
maybe you were a jerk to a lonely old man
on the other hand maybe you avoided going on dates with a gay man more than twice your own age because you were trying to be nice
that for example you thought rather irritably that you knew years ago when that colleague wouldn't stop trying to spend time with you in the lunch room that he was interested and he was actually gay, but then again maybe he was also a middle aged idiot
CRIPPLING DOUBT
no longer really being sure you know when people are interested in you, but now with the added doubt of not being sure you ever actually knew that
no longer knowing what age of adults is an appropriate target for your advances
friends and acquaintances moving on with their lives, settling down, having children, and you still being stuck in a dead end trying and failing to get laid
remembering your last year of college in which you first realised that you were a drunk but weren't yet ashamed of it
remembering your last year in college in which you briefly considered moving to the country, eating you a lot of peaches, moving to the country, going to eat you a lot of peaches
wooing local skanks
spending your time gathering meth in the woods
they've got nothing to do but drink and fuck, and maybe do meth if they can find it
your friend from a farming town informing you that most local girls in farming towns are absolute drunken skanks
remembering your last year in college in which you briefly considered moving to a small town, starting your own farm, and spending your time gathering mushrooms in the woods and wooing local girls
playing Harvest Moon in a marching band with Tim Duncan
really stretching that one
needing an analgesic for your anal g string
playing Mr Too Shaven
playing a short Venom
playing Smooth Raven
playing Shove Matron
playing Servant Homo
playing Motor Shaven
playing Harvest Moon in a marching band
playing Hormone Vats
playing Homo Taverns
playing Harvest Moon
wanting to discover a breed of cat so that you can name it Elon
breast restriction is tyranny
urinating in your comatose wife's Elon Musk
urination, in MY IVchan!
urinating in your comatose wife's V MASK
urinating in your cosmonaut wife's Saturn V stage
the V MSSK
that's a thing, right
urinating in your comatose wife's V MSSK
urinating in your comatose wife's IV bag
Frederic Bourdin
bra thievery is counter revolutionary
bra thieves in the commune going unpunished by the worker's council
being touched by an acute angle
baking Heinous Anus cookies
Half Chinease Long Hair and The Skin of a Hotkid
eating Heinous Anus cookies
knowing you didn't eat properly because you're craving noodles
having the theme of Pingu stuck in your head during a long, fitful sleep in a moving vehicle
Long Chinese Hair and The Skin of a Hotdog
Hulk Hogan's skin
I'm sorry I missed you I mean I'm sorry I miss you
strong bad email twenty two
The Christian family band that brawled with police in an Arizona Walmart parking lot were not slowed down by repeated hits from Tasers, pepper spray and batons, newly released dashcam video shows
Sandy Urethra, Jedi Knight
Darth Urethra
Sand Evader, Jedi Knight
Dare Evader, Jedi Knight
evading dares with Darth Vader
the Urethra Book
the Urantia Book
The Kraken Wanks
your son gleefully jacking off Jackie Gleason
digitally replacing ET in ET the Extra Terrestrial with Denholm Elliott
rogering Roger Moore more
having impure sex with a teenage girl who looked a lot like Winona Rider
nine and a half years
investigating Sylvester Stallone alone
being hit on by a girl who looked a lot like nnnngggg dnnnnnn it hurts
folks, you know what folks, you know what folks, you know what folks, you know what folks, you know what
having sex with a girl who looked somewhat like Christina Ricci
engaging in revolt together with John Travolta
flagging fannies with Fannie Flagg
Large Fanny Collider
Large Hadron Collider proton beam reaches new record energy
Fanny Chmelar
bottoming for Orlando Rage in Blimps Goin' Down VII
The Big Game at the End of the Season
Phelps eye for the gay guy
fat gay Asian eye for the straight guy
pinkeye for the straight guy
redeye for the straight guy
flying any airline whose slogan is "Go on, put your hands around it"
flying Air Twinks
sass cancer
air twinks
water twinks
moon bears
acne scars
ass cancer
eating too much and turning into a poo shaped covering of skin I will SET YOUR SPIRIT FREE
getting honk a lonked at by idiots
eating too much and turning into a poo shaped covering of skin
I will SET YOUR SPIRIT FREE
getting honked at by idiots
being a tiny pony
finding a really great yogurt but worrying that you'll end up eating too much and turning into a poo shaped covering of skin
Alyssa Milano shit blasted by Heathrow security for breast milk possession
earth bears
eating a literal prostitute
being a little hoarse
Alyssa Milano blasts Heathrow security with breast milk
Alyssa Milano blasts Heathrow security for breast milk confiscation
a "sugarcoated fellatio fest"
water bears
being a literal prostitute
using paramagnetic nanoparticles to detect changes in blood volume in the brain's capillaries
swansplaining
manstration
Never Mind the Klootzak, Here's the Sekspistolen
mansplaining
Ik zou liever niet
Jij hebt seks met ezels
the obsession your phone has with royalty and the Netherlands, apparently, klootzak
the obsession your phone has with royalty and the Netherlands, apparently
penis fudge
penis nudge
penis gun
penis nug
Penis Ng
Moobeard the Cow Pirate
pengins
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Dave Gruber Allen and an Emperor pengin
arab kneed ladies
ark beaned ladies
bare naked ladies, eh
Dumbo, Dumbo, Dumbo
twixt naked ladies
twink naked ladies
bare naked ladies
ldo, ldo, ldo
imho, imho, imho
lmbo, lmbo, lmbo
limbo, limbo, limbo
peaches and cream
his dream
becoming so caught up in the mad vagina twats dash that you forget all about the boobs teats
anti pun sentiment
that dialing with flippers is that much more difficult when drunk
wondering how may three am drunk dials Kento gets from various marine mammals
vagina twats are the best kind
hog tracer gag
the Aggro Crag
getting aroused at the thought of some ashes spread on a garden outside a convalescent home
margaretthatcherisllO%SEXY
introducing Braden Peniston to Sambo Chuppers
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her Satan wig vats
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina twats
braiding penises with Braden Peniston
Spencean Philanthropists
holding hands with Hans Holzer
being in a bed with other legendary creatures
holy twat dash
The Curious Cans of Benjamin Buttocks Teabagging Raymond Burr
real fine lady
lovely lady
beautiful lady
who's that lady
ordering albacore but being brought bear cola instead and saying nothing when the family of twinks at the next table attacked the waitress
ordering albacore but being brought bear cola instead and saying nothing when the family of bears at the next table attacked the waitress
gander danger tv halo gig, eh
gander danger
exclusively listening to albacore
the madness in my head the whole night through
then he would sob 'sand lovers' inaudibly over and over until the scene ended
When asked to cry on camera, he would say, 'I killed them, I killed them all, they're dead, every single one of them, and not just the men, but the women and the children, too, they're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals, I HATE THEM!'
When asked to cry on camera, he would say, 'white guy inches, eh'
preforming oral sex
while orally servicing her boss in a parked car at a local park, a secretary bit off the man's penis when the vehicle they were in was struck by a van
A punishment weapon used on small children
When one preforming oral sex on a male bites down and pulls away
this long handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral zoo keeper
this long handled gardening tool can also meat an immoral pleasure seeker
this long handled gardening tool can also mean an immoral pleasure seeker
Rapper Vanilla Ice in plea deal over Florida theft charge colon lawyer
When asked to cry on camera, he would say, 'Sure thing, which eye'
braiding Yu Wang with Myke Hawke
braiding your penis with Myke Hawke
trying not to get hung up on Myke Hawke
ever wondering why those days exist when life just seems to be a conspiracy against you, not knowing where the answers lie, but trying not to get hung up on Myke Hawke
ever wondering why those days exist when life just seems to be a conspiracy against you, not knowing where the answers lie, but trying not to get hung up on the questions
god only knows that they've tried
wishing the Wallflowers had good songs other than those two
Operation Lobster
Arrogance, a cold penetrating stare, and rigid posture
Fidgeting, whistling, sweaty palms
that night in Uncle Istvan's hot tub
being in sand with other legendary creatures
drawing a picture of Kento being Urza's Towered by Ambassador Laquatus and a brushwagg
Fat Gay Asian doesn't untap as long as it has at least one Eiffel Towering counter on it, no matter how hard it tries
baling hay in Christiansborg with Cyborg Christian Bale
Fat Gay Asian enters the battlefield tapped with two Eiffel Towering counters on it
being in UTwo
thinking you were in a band with legendary creatures but actually being in UTwo
being in a band with Bono
being in a band with other legendary creatures
Sandstone Needle enters the battlefield tapped with two depletion counters on it
You may choose not to untap Sand Squid during your untap step
Red legendary creatures you control have "bands with other legendary creatures"
Mountain Valley enters the battlefield tapped
Madblind Mountain enters the battlefield tapped
toccando le vostre montagne
or your mountains, even
tapping your montains
In the mountains, with a dog
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by St Bernard and a St Bernard
if it knows what's good for it
it says nothing about you melting a St Bernard
Rear Admiral Chiraneau
momentarily bottoming for Christian Bale in Incompatibality VII before calling the whole thing off
I didn't even notice that one, what does that say about me
melting a St Bernard
Incompatibalitey
bottoming for a seemingly endless parade of unlikely celebrities and frankly incompatibale animals in Zoorapa VII
Utwo song "Zooropa"
par un chemin different
Vorsprung durch Technik
Fahrvergnugen
'Gadzooks,' quoth I, 'but here's a saucy bawd!'
Naked Came the Manatee
Kim Kardashian comes to Armenia
that's disgusting
milting a St Bernard
ex ex gay buying Don McLean's 'American Pie' manuscript
Eldest Worm Boy's Will Friedle providing the voice of LionO
Chris Lydon's conspiracy to blame the Boston Marathon bombing on a patsy working perfectly
milking a St Bernard
Transgressing the Boundaries Colon Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity
bi buying Don McLean's 'American Pie' manuscript
the Tom Cruiseiverse
the new yorkers paradise, I'm walkin' here
the rose of the proletariat
misplacing his marbles
the work of dwarfs
the new monkees paradise
the new workers paradise
the rise of the proletariat
losing his trust
fissures
stun guns
the work of men
too much
anemic Iceman cinema
really hoping that two or more individuals clubbed together to bi buy Don McLean's 'American Pie' manuscript
guessing Top Gun II would have bridged the gap between Days of Thunder and Top Gun by revealing that Pete "Maverick" Mitchell and Cole Trickle had the same father, an itinerant sports car salesman played by Tom Cruise in flashbacks
now suspecting that all characters Tom Cruise has ever played are actually the same individual in one continuity
coining 'veteranal', a word pertaining to or of veterans and patterned after artisanal
racing veterans
a nod to veteran racer Dick Trickle
now wondering if Pete "Maverick" Mitchell and Cole Trickls are actually the same guy
the Tony Scottverse
basically underneath it all feeling guilty about what we do here
I Have Anuse and Cram in Most
I Have No Anuse and I Must Scram
dreaming that there were ten more ghost regrets overnight, and another recently commented one that was just drunk rambling about how we'd ruined the site and couldn't even spell or do grammar good, ironically horribly misspelled itself
knowing that the X Men have crossed over with basically everything but not knowing Guns n Roses had crossed over with the Tony Scottverse
Don McLean must really be desperate for cash if he's started selling his trove of X Men slash Top Gun erotic fanfiction
Don McLean's 'Iceman Rape I' manuscript sells for $one point two million
Don McLean's 'American Pie' manuscript sells for $one point two million
I Shave No Anus and I Must Cream
Vet Foe, kroner
Kento, forever
I Have No Anus and I Must Scream
If you want a vision of the future, imagine a machine that exists solely to threeD print sexually dominant pairs of partners for Kento, forever
also strangely arousing
that was disappointing
CarbonThreeD's Super Fast ThreeD Printer Printing an Eiffel Tower
crazy cat lady syndrome
smothering all that belched stout
Teen with HUGEST dump smothers belched stout
Teen with HUGE dong smothers belched stout
Teen with HUGE dog smothers belched stout
Teen with HUGE kid smothers belched stout
ass smothering videos, page one
Teen with HUGE butt cheeks smothers dildo
Mistress shows off her fat bouncy ass cheeks before sitting it on a pathetic mans face for smothering
Big ass beauty smothers her man wonderfully
being kind of surprised the Smothers Buttocks isn't an actual porno
the Smothers Buttocks
A penis covered in Danish remoulade
A penis covered in mustard must be for real cause now I can feel
A penis covered in mustard
must be for real cause now I can feel
A striptease with chocolate
A woman covered in custard
must be your skin that I'm sinking in
Myke Hawke's Mothers
head shots
drawing a picture of Myke Hawke riding my two mothers
body shots
pitching "My Two Mothers" as a Myke Hawke vehicle
yes it does
Dick Smothers
learning about gay people via the Smothers Brothers
learning about gay people via Smithers
having the power touch
licorice whip
cracking that whip
daring to dip tubes
daring to be stupid
Pokemon Bear and Twink
Pokemon BJ and the Bear
Pokemon Greg Evigan and Paul Reiser
drawing a picture of Go Ikeda being fisted by Greg Evigan and Paul Reiser
you've got the power
you've got the touch
Stalin vs Martians
wankin' nine to five
the death of Gertrude Weaver
Bruce Jenner's look fuels breast implant rumours
What you say is what you are, you're a naked movie star
one child identified actor Chuck Norris as one of the abusers and was later found roundhouse kicked to death
a final version omitted the five hour altar anal rape
the MuckFarting Peeschool trial
the McMartin preschool trial
wondering if Dick Cavett is going to sue us in England for making defamatory statements about his anal hygiene
the dicks are clean
wondering if Dick Cavett is going to sue us in England for making defamatory statements about his oral hygiene
easing your dick into Dick Cavett's cavities
dick, he would be very grumpy
dick, I would be very pissed off
If Master Obi Wan had knowledge that we had a picture of his dick, he would be very grumpy
If I had knowledge that the US government had a picture of my dick, I would be very pissed off
Edward Snowden being so dreamy
taking the most harrowing dump
Murder, She Ra
having a truly terrifying poop experience
Glaucoma Sword
Raging Walrus
in my country, walrus live under YOUR law
wondering who would play Meryl Streep in a biopic about her awalrapy
Sir Deimos
Sir Phobos
living under J law
living under walrus law
sur law
opa kak
esio trot
he claims Dougal
Gladiola Cums, Eh
Medical Goulash
Glaucoma Shield
acio bum
Michael Douglas
wondering who would play Meryl Streep in a biopic about her
awalrapy
raping walrusses
Raping Walrus shits from California
raping walrus
Vaping Walrus ships from California
vaping walrus
Paskekrim
Kento's FOURTH slot
Kento's third slot
I only have two, but I use a Ditto for the third slot
having three Kentos but not being able to train them to do anything except Eiffel Tower each other
Kento has three separate evolutions depending on whether the fat stone, gay stone, or Asian stone is used on him
Kento evolves into Fatter at level one
Avid Rand Come declares colon 'Britain is scallion tryst, hair tunic'
being a horny satiric cunt by proxy, cheerio
being a horny satiric cunt by proxy
David Cameron declares colon 'Easter is this weekend, my son is still dead, he was a cripple, I understand what it is like to be near cripples'
I know you don't like David Cameron, but you have to admit he's right about that one
David Cameron declares colon 'Britain is still a horny satiric cunt'
David Cameron declares colon 'Britain is still a Christian country'
Less Than xor Equal to Jake
Less Than or Equal to Jake
giving Kento all those rare candies and he didn't level up, he just got fatter
bottoming for Terrance James White, Sr and Greg Evigan in Double BJ Bears VII
Born as Terrance James White, Sr in Ohio, he moved to Los Angeles in his twenties and has started a career in the stunt business, when doubling Greg Evigan in the television series BJ and the Bear
rabbit stampede
having sex with a girl who sucked on her left one until she looked a lot like Christina Ricci
well the wife said just because i didnt put my stuff up and she ate it that it is my fault and i go before the pig
he had a check for the full amount hand delivered to the IRS this morning
All the flat tittie chicks think I am disgusting
Myke Hawke would have to fight women, men, the elderly, children, the sick and even animals
the very idea of Myke Hawke taking on a whole town
getting the regret "wondering who would win in a fight between Myke Hawke and Mainus" and thinking "go fuck yourself"
Woman accused of stealing dog, selling him for drug money
guessing that if Mainus can stay relaxed, Myke Hawke will have an uphill battle, but if Myke Hawke can keep a cool head and get inside Mainus's guard, Mainus won't stand a chance
wondering who would win in a fight between Myke Hawke and Mainus
meeting world
the Rabbit Woman of Gowanus
not finding Topanga particularly arousing
always being kind of relieved when a past regret is dredged up and it isn't one of yours
regret number five four five one two
Trofim Denisovich Lysenko
Surfing wesbites
having pangs for banging Topanga
having pangs for Tobanga
you would also still bang Topanga given the chance
also learning that New York City public middle schools seem to have roughly ten students per class, apparently
so you've got that going for you
watching the first two episodes of Eldest Worm Girl on a transatlantic flight, and feeling that you have definitely aged better than Ben Savage
wishing Myke Hawke would get off and stop bothering you
John Wyndham Parkes Lucas Beynon Harris Geldof
sucking fruity booty
sucking her joyous, celebratory or purposeful one until she was feeling spent, used and broken
sucking her hardboiled cockney one until she was paid in kroner
Kento's fruity booty
Kento's fruiting body
marmelizing all those oranges
priorities
your phone being able to suggest autocompletions of Academy Award winning movie titles and the names of A list celebrities but not 'sucking' or other potentially mildly rude words
sucking her sweet but chaotic one until she wasn't sure whether she was alive or dead
parenthetical, tho' near or far
parenthetical, that's what you are
The Kurious Kans of Kento Ikeda
sucking her beloved and reliable one until she forgot how to break
Myke Hawke is a huge fan of Rusty Kuntz
cumming hard in the taint
being a total carsucker
I vant to suck your car, bleh
having a bread lined rabbit tomb
your car is buried in a rabbit
going tombe dans le pain
going hard in the taint
going hard in the pants
It was by far the slickest ride I've ever took in the Gentlemen's Pleasure Garden!
going hard in the paint
bottoming for Chow Yun Fat in Chewing the Fat Gay Asian VII
wanting to make Kento a gordian knot for his birthday, signed, Chris Lydon
chewing the fat with Chow Yun Fat
wanting to make Kento a sardine knot for his birthday
Rat's Cocks Into Darkness
bottoming for Rich Penis in Star Trek Sardine Knots
that apparently Chris Pine once lived in Leeds and can do a local accent, which you have automatically imagined to be a Batley accent because you hope one day he will subject the world's moviegoers to it
wondering if Chris Pine knows his name anagrams to "nicer hips," "rip inches," and "rich penis"
drawing a picture of Kento being Kobyashi Maru'd by Chris Pine and William Shatner
drawing a picture of Kento being Bussard ramscooped by Geordie and Scottie
taking it pretty hard in the Boston aquarium
taking it pretty hard when Myke Hawke is around
taking it pretty hard when Myke Hawke isn't around
The Silence of the Cans
wondering how Roger Ramjet has avoided a reboot for so long
Rusty Kuntz still pointing Royals in the right direction
Myke Hawke has been feeling pretty wrung out lately
a case of spring fever
milking Myke Hawke for everything he has
Myke Hawke never does anything half assed
laying in clean penis between fresh buttocks after a long shower
that the older you get, the more you appreciate being freshly clean, wearing freshly clean clothes, and having freshly clean bedding
running a pillow surplus
you're a million miles away, or you're here
listening to your tinnitus
laying in clean pajamas between fresh bedclothes after a long shower
the curiously silent cans of Benjamin Buttocks
feeling like the best of Myke Hawke has already come and gone
the curiously silent nights of a four day weekend
that when you first encountered Myke Hawke you didn't think he was going to fit in, but since then he's really grown on you
a little bit of Myke Hawke goes a long way
being willing to admit that we have stretched Myke Hawke pretty far here
being kind of tired of Myke Hawke but willing to see where it goes
wondering if you're really tired of Myke Hawke or if it was just a part of the joke
he says "uh oh, I love you, but I'm not sure I trust you, you seem strange to me"
not being able to contol when the movies begin and end in your mouth
not being able to contol when the movies begin and end
in your mouth
it seems like you've been waiting forever for Myke Hawke to finish
at first Myke Hawke was enjoyable but now he's just a pain in the ass
Myke Hawke always sticking his nose where it doesn't belong
being slain by a Lawful Evil Janice Dickinson
Lawful Evil Janice Dickinson
feeling smothered by Myke Hawke
sometimes wanting to grab Myke Hawke because he's so in your face
putting Myke Hawke in a dark hole and making him do push ups until he throws up
Myke Hawke has had enough of you, too
Myke Hawke should be given a rest
having had enough of Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke should not be used in the context of the letter
My name should not be used in the context of the letter
not paying the Lake Erie ferryman, not even fixing a price
Eerie Penis Levy Hoosiers
LE Janice Dickinson
THE Janice Dickinson
MS EERY PENIS LEVY
MYKE HAWKE SEVERELY
MY PENIS SEVERELY
Spaetzle
Farfetch'd is a Pokemon rapscallion
If I knowingly convert my sworn brother's cash or property to my own use I shall be killed by five thunderbolts
the idea of someone having sex with a spring onion is pretty farfetch'd
having non consensual sex with a spring chicken
high explosive double hockey sticks
double hockey sticks, eh
H E double hockey sticks
HELLO I'VE JUST MADE LOVE TO ONE OF YOUR PIZZAS AND BURNT MY PENIS SEVERELY
THE Bruce Dickinson
eating a huge slice of Colon Gay Pizza
Indiana pizzeria owner Colon Gays are OK, but I won't cater their weddings
being too sleepy to remember Elton John lyrics properly
it's the wheel of fortune, oh whoa, Nikita you'll never know
Bicoid Babe pushes bottles up French guy's rear
French push bottles up German rear
not trimming your Furfrou
leaving waffles on the Falkland Islands
bottoming for Arid Rod in Sand in Your Panties VII, eh
Comic Sans has no place at an agency positioning itself as a technological pioneer
having non consensual sex with a spring onion
spooning Jewel's smog falsies
actually becoming ectothermic on listening to Centerfold
topping for Arid Rod in Getting the Dry Hump VII
my memories have just been sold
actually crying a little now upon listening to Falsie Smog Ho
Hayden Christensen's debut single really is that painful
actually crying a little now upon listening to Floss Amigo, eh
you're always crazy like that
actually crying a little now upon listening to Foolish Games
slamming your cock in the arid rod
turtling Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke is small, I know, but he's not yours, he is my own
it's getting cold and I'm starting to sneeze
medic, we need a medic over here
this is Myke Hawke 'bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
I got my eggs, I got my pancakes too, I got maple syrup, everything but you
this is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
my hands are small, I know, but they're not yours, they are my own
hiding Go Ikeda to protect him
turtling Go Ikeda
turtling
being crowned Mrs Cunt Appeal with seventeen votes
the chemtrails of Joni Mitchell
not hooking up with Ms Cunt Appeal after she got married, yet
not hooking up with Ms Cunt Appeal before she got married
Mrs Cunt Appeal
Rape Plant Cums
Rape Planet Cums
Placenta's Rump
Pleasant Crump
Old Tom Parr
the death of Misao Okawa
Myke Hawke Mitzvahs, for Myke Hawke
Bat Mitzvahs, for bats
still using Chrome
wondering whether you use firefox, and, if so, whether the most recent update has made it impossible for you to watch youtube videos
always being Australian inside me, crikey
Bark Mitzvahs
always being Australian beside me, crikey
the death of Joni Mitchell
Ejaculation Atlas Geldof
wondering if the Jack in Jack Atlas is short for Ejaculation
baby I'm a want you
pep to manure
mute propane
tampon puree
the one hundred and twenty sixth anniversary of the opening of the Eiffel Tower
not being able to say that via telepathy
not being able to say 'that' on television
amputee porn
not being able to say that on television
Open Parentheses Slash Geldof
parenthetical commas
open parentheses dicks and Slash close parentheses or dongs
dicks and open parentheses Slash or dongs close parentheses
dicks and Slash or dongs
dicks and or dongs
Myke Hawke
arrrrr
rrrr
puberrulence
puberty
the curious cans of the fat gay asian in the Boston aquarium
Dendrogramma
the curious incident of the fat gay asian in the Boston aquarium
an incidence of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a hundred walruses
one hundred incidences of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
it's only happened eighty three times, and only twenty nine of them were pictures
A website that largely consists of the words "drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus" repeated eight hundred and sixty three times
becoming addicted to mixed vegetable juice
A paper that largely consists of the words "Get me off your fucking mailing list" repeated eight hundred and sixty three times
filling up on Salisbury steak
climbing up on Solsbury steak
Solsbury steak
Salisbury steak
design sex with Roman Polanski
signed sex with Roman Polanski
making the sand pie port
making the ants nest
making the panties drop
bottoming for Chris Lydon in Ruined EVERYTHING IV
typoing "I've" would be fine
sex with YOU would be fine
typoing "I've"
I'v ruined EVERYTHING
you've got me, this whole house of cards has finally collapsed
who am I kidding
people do silly things when they're aroused
wondering why someone would flee across international boners only to give or receive analingus
being so physically attractive and horny that you have to flee across international boners with only the penises you can carry and seek analingus in another country
being pretty sure where you fall down on dates is entering that trancelike state of anticipation, but that if you could just get around to yelling "PUSSY" and om nom nomming everything would be fine
sex with YOU
signed, Roman Polanski
sex with you
being so physically unattractive and nerdy that you have to flee across international borders with only the possessions you can carry and seek asylum in another country
having unfulfilled Pussy Monster like urges to eat cookies
just never being able to believe someone could ever have dinosaur sex with you
shooting day for night, what a way to make a living
having unfulfilled Cookie Monster like urges to perform oral sex
that one creaky fucking door
trying me
the wind whistling around in the walls of your home
just never being able to believe someone could find you attractive
kinda having to live like a refugee, tho
sometimes being like "ugh I'm way too ugly to be as nerdy as I am"
shooting day for night
slut shaming your horse
not naming your horse
eating up Martha
THE TWILIGHT ZONE IS THE OTHER SHOW
THE STORIES SOMETIMES HAVE OBVIOUS TWISTS
WE'RE SORRY ABOUT SOME OF THE ACTING
IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR TELEVISION
five years I've been doing that joke
drawing a picture of Brent Spiner simultaneously masturbating simultaneously
you don't have to live like a refugee
Dr Crab Husk Oink
Bob Wheeler
Dr Brackish Okun
drawing a picture of Brent Spiner simultaneously masturbating Data, Lore, Bfour, Noonien Soong, Arik Soong, Frank Hollander, Eli Hollander, Annie Meyers, and numerous holograms of Data simultaneously, because he's just that talented
begun the DATA Wanc has
just now realising you've had the New Radicals and the Boo Radleys mixed up in your head as the same band for like twenty years
begun the Lore Wanc has
when you're doing anagrams in your head and an extra letter creeps in, Loser Wanc
your blood runs hot, it's the curse of priapism
your blood runs cold
phoning in ego sex with Fantaraptor
when you're doing anagrams in your head and an extra letter creeps in
Kappanese, pou fou
Japakids
Japadogs, desu neh
mouse dildos
begun the Loser Wanc has
begun the Colon War has
begun the Clone Sex Debate has
begun the Clone War has
this arranged can be
not biting Bill Cosby's penis to avoid being orally raped
giant sucking sounds
Gyarados Kingler Pikachu
Japadogs
what I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you
Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou
The best laid dildos o' mice and men gang aft aglye
drawing a picture of Myke Hawke in an adult diaper sucking Danish remoulade out of Twin Long Rods #Two's left one until it had an icy bridgegasm
Moby posing in adult diapers in Japan
supersizing phone sex with Myke Hawke
fantasizing about phone sex with Myke Hawke in adult diapers
Adult diapers are outselling infant diapers in Japan, desu ne
fantasizing about phone sex with Myke Hawke
Adult diapers are outsmelling infant diapers in Japan
Adult diapers are outselling infant diapers in Japan
I have been the dildos that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast, Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
I have eaten the dildos that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for breakfast, Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
I was dildoing when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astrya
constantly Bombadiling
constantly Bilboing
sorry about that typo, I was dildoing when I wrote it
constantyl dildoing
constantly vibing
intermittently vibrating
not constantly vibrating
constantly vibrating
Tod Uphill
I'm pretty sure I'm not
you're gay
fantasizing about phone sex with Egoraptor
wondering if we can ever truly know another person or even know ourselves, and by extension whether we could truly recognise the similarities between ourselves and otherwise identical clones or versions of ourselves
that we never fully resolved the identity of Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge
that we never fully resolved the whole clone vs future self fucking conundrum
finding that you enjoy being around people who are quite dissimilar to yourself, so guessing that you would probably hate yourself
sometimes wondering what it is really like to be around yourself, like as a total stranger would you feel that you were an asshole, or are you constantly vibrating and nobody wants to mention it, or things like that
a crazed erotic grits loch
racial crotch zest
Zachor Clitcaster
chic zone trim
zinc chromite
wondering what it was like for Winston Churchill's close friends to have to watch him get stinking drunk every time he went to a party just so he would have a chance to use that line
disinterring Benjamin Franklin's corspe and electrocuting the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated young keys
wondering what it was like to be around well quoted people from history like Benjamin Franklin or Oscar Wilde, like were they always on and coming up with new material or would you just hear variations on "we should hang together" or whatever constantly
Jay sees a half naked and bloodied woman walking toward her, urinating pleasing date seekers
urinating
Jay sees a half naked and bloodied woman walking toward her, urinating
pleasing date seekers
seeking pleasure daters
dating pleasure seekers
dating zookeepers
dated mall cops
dating mall cops
that we don't have to replace kids with dogs and dogs with kids in regrets, we can just cuddle if you want
a maniac, maniac at your door
sphexual harassment
being a maniac on the floor
sphexishness
wondering if you and I have reached the point where we don't have to actually copy paste the earlier regret and replace the dogs with kids, and we can just kind of assume that when one of us writes a regret with a dog or a kid in it, the other one sees it
The Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire, And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire
the Hundred Years' Cunnilingus
smoke on the water
wondering which will come first, the Blow Job Singularity or the Hand Job Robot Uprising
if we do not blow together, we shall surely blow separately
BJUnity
he simply must have it with him
Bono's cap dong
Pa Doc's ting
it's cap dong
dog tip cans
dingo pacts
dating cops
Evangelist Bob Jones III apologizes for saying that gays should be stoned
scoping dat
Pat's coding
taping docs
dang topics
doping cats
Chris Lydon's spermatophores
casting pod
beaked behinds
telling me that I'm someone good
fay gay hosers, eh
fat gay Hoosiers
buccal asses
Shoebury
regrets without boundaries
buccal masses
podcasters within Kento
sex without boundaries
eerie Hoosiers
Gay Search
gay Hoosiers
doctors without Kento
sex without borders
sex without hats
WilliamsDiaries
guessing that Zayn Malik has been driven the wrong way down that one way street more than a few times
Zayn Malik on quitting Two Direction Colon 'I just can't do that anymore'
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon and a walrus high fiving over their braided penises
Kento without Kento
sex without Kento
ruffianlikes
roguelikes
sex with Kento
Zayn Malik on quitting One Direction Colon 'I just can't do that anymore'
The Old Man and the Showers at Penn State
The Old Man and the Hot Tub
Kento's gay pita rub, ooh
Kento's orgy utopia, bah
Kento's autobiography
The Old Man and the Semen
The Old Man and the Seaplane
the death of Christina Ricci
the Sea of Sluts
Slutsea is full of swans HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
Goosea
Swansea is full of sluts look you
Students are involved in everything from prostitution and escorting to stripping and internet work, the Student Sex Work Project report found
constructing an electric sheep solely for the purpose of having sex with Kento
Cybersex Web
making an animate gif of Kento being Tannhauser Gated by Neo and an electric sheep
Cybersex Spirit
Cyberspace Spirit
for added realism you could have an old man with an earring Walken with your feet ten feet off of Beale
for added realism you could have an old man with an earring
Walken with your feet ten feet off of Beale
for added realism you could have an old man with an earring crash a light aircraft nearby, leap out of his escape fridge and insist that you never tell him the odds
that roughly throwing some sticks on your bed and jumping in is probably the same
that you will probably die without banging Calista Flockhart even once
NFL to Hire B Todd Jones, ATF Director, as Disciplinary Officer
Germanwangs
Warmginseng
Germanwings
intercourse netting with a fine denier less than one hundred may not contain warm feelings
baby, baby, when I look at you, I get a warm feeling inside intercourse netting
baby, baby, when I look at you, I get a warm feeling inside
intercourse netting
sex web
Final Clucking Take
Will Smith will never want to run a couple co projects with us now
we've become spambots
videos of gay animal sex nathan maung gay innocent emo pussy banana in a vagina lucy hernandez anal tickle fucking girls phone sex web
Anal Tickle Fucking
bottoming for Spruce Dickinson in Doorfuckers VII
a high ranking ATF employee "solicited consensual sex with anonymous partners and modified a hotel room door to facilitate sexual play"
what Myke Hawke thinks about while he masturbates
using the imagined story to claim that atheists would not find rape or murder immoral
what Phil Robertson thinks about while he masturbates
manly men
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who regularly create elaborate sexual scenarios involving a socially retarded man they know only through the internet being violated in different ways by elderly men and marine mammals
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have regular conversations about Myke Hawke
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have regular conversations about gay sex, gay pornography, and braiding their penises together
a subculture of men who usually identify as heterosexual, but who have sex with men
having a ritual wherein you convince yourself you're going to fail at something before you even try it
Japan Airlines Flight one twenty three
try short beer, eh
sherbert theory
queefing Fisto's milk at a Darth convention
they're brothers
Darth Vegan Voiced by Edgar "Screw" Hertz
Darth Carnage Voiced by Drew "Vegs" Hertz
squirting squid's milk directly down your throat at a PETA convention
fruit fly season, no homo
squirting Sylvia Browne sauce directly down your throat
fruit fly season
taking a dump that smells like lembas bread
Darth Vader Voiced by Schwartzenegger
licking Go's brown sauce off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
squirting Go's brown sauce directly down your throat
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew
squirting Daddies brown sauce directly down your throat
Tree sitter protesting new golf course falls onto ground
wanting to make Kento a loose meat sandwich for his birthday
sticking 'em in a stew
mashing 'em
boiling 'em
not having taken a dump that smells like the burning fires of Mordor since you stopped eating hobbit pork
This image provided by Taco Bell shows an ad shows the restaurant chain's new chicken "bi cat coitus"
This image provided by Taco Bell shows an ad shows the restaurant chain's new chicken "biscuit taco"
not having taken a dump that smells like burning tires since you stopped eating pork
taking a dump that smells like burning tires
always thinking of Kento as your Christopher Tolkien fat gay Asian friend
still not having learned to check that you're entering something into the search field rather than the regret field
joyous, celebratory
holding your boobs when you run down Chris Lydon's erect penis
Christopher Walken and Christopher Tolkien
Fat Gay Eastasia
Actress Angelina Jolie has always been at war with Eastasia
Actress Angelina Jolie has had a penis and testicles attached as a preventative measure against cancer
conceiving Taylor Swift
Gob, yo
Boy Go
Gooby
The Amazing Bulk
Christopher Walken Tall
Christopher Walken on the wild side
Puppy Elephant Christopher Walken
Baby Elephant Christopher Walken
hurting 'em, Hammer
Christopher Walken on guilded splinters
Christopher Walken the kid
Christopher Walken the dog
Christopher Walken in space like on Futurama due to a drunk hookup
Christopher Walken in space
like on Futurama
due to a drunk hookup
partying like it's nineteen eighty nine and conceiving Taylor Swift due to a drunk hookup
taylorswift dot porn
wondering if Angelina Jolie will be the world's first head in a jar, like on Futurama
Actress Angelina Jolie has had her arms and legs removed as a preventative measure against cancer
Actress Angelina Jolie has had her ovaries and fallopian tubes removed as a preventative measure against cancer
deaf nit!
fainted!
superb bird of paradise
Cantor's giant softshell turtle
there's a part of you that's free
Fistopher Grace
Fistopher Lydon
Christopher Walken before you can run
first bid
BICOID BABE used BIRD FIST! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE! GO IKEDA fainted!
bird fist
fit birds
she had a thing for birds of all kinds
always linking Bicoid Babe with the emergence of kakapos on the amazing Regret Index when in fact if you recall correctly she was more interested in chukar patridges
that for all you know Bicoid Babe is the Racist British Regretter
Christopher Walken out in traffic
Christopher Walken on Sunshine
Christopher Walken Pneumonia
missing Bicoid Babe and deeply hoping that she is the Lurking Third Regretter
saying a prayer over your vegan meal with Topher Grace
Mianus, the Hands of Fate
buying an electrolyte bath without checking the label first, only to find it had pennies in it
Christopher Walken like an Egyptian
Mianus Pond
Mianus Motor Works
in the emergency room having broken dildos surgically removed
from your anus
in the emergency room having broken dildos surgically removed from your anus
being Eiffel Towered by Bicoid Babe and a kakapo but ending up in the emergency room having broken dildos surgically removed from your anus
Thousands pay their respects to Chad Rigrink III
Christopher Walken Dead
Thousands pay their respects to King Richard III
Confucius say, many addicted to milk need his dairy fix
Christopher Walken in Memphis
your recent Eiffel Towerings leaving you feeling spent, used, and broken into smithereens, rather than joyous, celebratory or purposeful
buying a chocolate bar without checking the labia first, only to find it had penis in it
buying a chocolate bar without checking the label first, only to find it had penis in it
going to the emergency room with gopher trace in your ass after a date with Tad Hamilton
I'm not sure I'd tell you if I knew
going to the emergency room with Topher Grace in your ass after a date with Tad Hamilton
oh, also nine two one five nine
wondering if there are any regrets after nine two one four one that you didn't write, because the only one I wrote was nine two one five two
going to the emergency room with broken dildos in your ass after a date with Bicoid Babe
going to the emergency room with broken glass in your ass after a date with Christopher Lydon
going to the emergency room with broken glass in your ass after a date with Christopher Walken
granuloma annelidae
granuloma annulare
Christopher Walken it in San Diego
imagining Christopher Walken in the throes of orgasm
bottoming for Christopher Walken in Walken on Broken Ass VII
exclaiming "Christ!" over walkin' on broken glass with Christopher Walken
walkin' on broken glass, I'm walkin' here
walkin' on broken glass
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Having Nothing, I Mean Literally Absolutely Fucking Nothing, To Do But Were Afraid To Ask
A Midsummer Night's Rough Sex Comedy
Trannie Hall
Annie Hall II Colon Annie Haller
Annie Hall vs Predator
Woody Alien
RtwoDtwo you've found a cigarette!
I'm not chicken, you're a turkey!
maybe it converted
it's not Jewish then
Full Penis Jacket
Virginia Trioli dresses in the 'penis jacket' after Lisa Wilkinson urges TV hosts to wear it
i imgur com zerodOwbWp dot jpg
Twentieth Century Walrus Announces "Shared Woody"
Twentieth Century Fox Announces "Shared Universe" Woody
The film is notorious for an explicit scene of Lydon and a walrus, who are shown on either side of Kento as their penises are repeatedly fondled and masturbated by him
we goes together like peas and carrots
Twentieth Century Fox Announces "Shared Universe" Woody Allen Reboot Series
Shaggy God stories
De Niro looks like he's enjoying the scene a great deal
The film is notorious for an explicit scene of De Niro and Depardieu, who are shown on either side of an actress as their penises are briefly fondled and masturbated by her
a quite sweet, but chaotic, nutter who besides being very beautiful indeed spends most of her spare time dying
a quite nice, but mad, girl who besides being very beautiful indeed spends most of her spare time inventing things
eggy medals
my aged legs
edgy gleams
leggy dames
wanting to grab Joseph Gordon Levitt halfway through Fraggle Rock, slap him and yell "Stop it! You're not really Jim Henson! Stop doing that thing with your hand!"
Joseph Gordon Levitt to produce and star in Fraggle Rock remake
in the hammer time, when the weather is legit, u can't reach right and touch this
accepting all Norwegians
It was great but it went out of business
STOP! SUMMER TIME
Yo!! Sweetness
accepting all comers
Norwegians
fuckboi
STOP! HAMMER TIME
seeing cum in your cecum
Eh Meow Da Bears
I really should have stopped watching when the ape apparently ate his own cum
Eh Meow Da Geldof
Vegan Croque Madame Karate Monkey Masturbation Compilation Twentyfourteen Geldof
Vegan Croque Madame
Karate Monkey Masturbation Compilation Twentyfourteen
at least it wasn't walruses
I watched the whole thing
Funny Monkey Masturbation Compilation Twentyfourteen
Karate Monkey
I'm sure that all six people who were watching CSPAN at the time had a good laugh
The North Pole can't really be called the territory of any particular nation or people, eh, meow, da
At some point during the conversation, a couple of guys, who were up to no good, essentially started causing trouble in my neighbourhood
The North Pole can't really be called the territory of any particular nation or people
chicken rude and unreasonable
promising not to tell Roman Polanski
I step foot on English soil and Roman Polanski will have me in the poorhouse
going to Fowey next month and wondering if you want to meet up
bantams, eh
he's Batman
abashment
shame
having a prior engagement with your sister and brother in law this weekend
going to Garmisch this weekend and wondering if you want to meet up
Croque Madame
starting your day with a pooping hot Ruth English muffin
"It's a jungle," he said, "and I'll flay the big ass fish teats Wham!, eh"
starting your day with a piping hot Ruth English muffin
inserting Myke Hawke into your vagina during that time of the month
thynk how many people would gladly wear Myke Hawke antypersperant whylst ryding Myke Hawke bykes and chowing down on Myke Hawke meat stycks
eating the biggest fish in the jungle
wrapping Myke Hawke around your neck to keep warm
being the biggest fish in the jungle
WAP!
imagining Myke Hawke touching every part of your body, even parts you can't reach yourself
think how many people would gladly wear Myke Hawke
more than a decade later, WAP still translating to "WAP!" in your head instead of "wireless access protocol"
She sang superbly and then so lovingly handed me the evening on a platter, if you know what I'm saying
"It's a jungle," he said, "and the big fish always eat the small fish"
I wish I had me a poky swan
Bonerland
feeling iggy from lithium
guessing Myke Hawke just really likes knives
hey guys, remember WAP
I wish I had a monkey's WAP
I wish I had a monkey's paw
orange antipersperant
Issur Danielovitch
think how many people would gladly wear Myke Hawke antipersperant whilst riding Myke Hawke bikes and chowing down on Myke Hawke meat sticks
wondering why Myke Hawke hasn't branded his name to more products
Myke Hawke's meat snacks
Jack Link's vegan meat snacks
Jack Link's meat snacks
Hercules and Xena Hyphen The Animated Movie Colon The Battle for Mount Olympus
spooning Syria's boobs, Syriously
spooning SYRIA'S boobs
spooning Jordan's boobs
seriously, those things are disgusting
it would be harder to tell them apart
calling something that would never occur in nature Jordan would be quite fitting though
calling a sheep Jordan would just be confusing
wondering why a team of Scottish scientists chose to name their blasphemy against God and nature after an American country & western singer, like you don't have huge breasted women on your side of the pond
shearing Jewel's baabs
Jewel the sheep
nun's bra cling and crows bring carnage
clowns and burning cars bring carnage
John Rambo's mujahideen friends
buzkashi
yeah, but that guy still has his testicles
If a twenty year old whose legs have been blown away can sit on my ward for weeks and show nothing but dignity, it puts the loss of a testicle into perspective
"Dolly is derived from a mammary gland cell and we couldn't think of a more impressive pair of glands than Dolly Parton's
becoming so used to noise that silence startles you
Carthago delenda est
not practicing santeria
TRUST DECEIVED!
there's got to be something better than in the middle
having the dreamer's disease
I distinctly heard it, he muttered under his breath "jew"
Sunflora
Vileplume
Gloom
Oddish
Christina Ricci Charges
Benecoot Cumbercrash
Crash Bandicoot
Creditcard Charges
Cavalry Charges
Demolition Charges
Criminal Charges
Penn State Fraternity's Rat's Cocks Pee Booth Foe May Lead to Criminal Charges
Penn State Fraternity's Secret Facebook Photos May Lead to Criminal Charges
mega evolution
spending two hours driving around on an icy bridge trying not to crash
crashing is bad, m'kay
spending two hours driving around trying not to crash
Regret Index III Colon Regret HARDEST
Fnu Lnu
Luckily, Alfalfa was an orphan owned by the studio
the piglet cheerleaders were replaced by baby hedgehogs in tutus
Regret Index II Colon Regret Harder
rewriting Regret Index Colon the Movie as Two Jerk Guys
that you had a friend in college who got drunk on a date with you and told you she'd been Roman Polanski'd in her halls of residence the year before, so you never made a pass at her again and it drove you both crazy
Regret Index Colon The Movie has been in development hell for years
wishing that you had not learned "no means no" and instead learned "no means no except in the rare case when she wants to play hard to get then kick you in the balls when you don't pursue her"
then telling all of your mutual friends that you were gay
a girl inviting herself up to your room on your third date, initiating a make out session, then saying "no" when you started to go down her shirt, to which you shyly backed away, apologized, and asked her to go home, then not calling you back the next day
wondering if Ryan will ever sell the story rights of the amazing Regret Index
a girl breaking up with you because you hinder petard
verse vica, because it's kind of like it got moved around
liking the anagrams in which an apostraphe becomes a comma or vice versa, because it's kind of like it got moved around
a girl breaking up with you because you dared print, eh
Kento's radula
oral disc, eh
a girl breaking up with you because you didn't rep rhea
orca shield
social herd
cordials, eh
acrid holes
Hildoceras
a girl breaking up with you because you didn't rape her
teatacles
liking your tea like you like your sex, nonconsensual
when you're too lazy to copy and paste a single word and so you end up instead pasting something you have already pasted unconscious
saying "copy and paste" when you meant "write" because apparently you're literally retarded
when you're too lazy to copy and paste a single word and so you end up instead pasting something you have already pasted
unconscious
da arse is gone right out of er
da arse is gone right out of er, eh
finally he gets it
unconscious people don't want to be soddomized by an elderly film director and can't answer the question "do you want to be soddomized by an elderly film director" because they are unconscious
unconscious people don't want tea and can't answer the question "do you want tea" because they are unconscious
eating dinner at See Thru Chinese Pants in Chicago
Tight, See Through Pants
Myke Hawke my cock
ape hoarder a porter
it's for charity
that's gay
Mitt Romney to blow Evander Holyfield for charity
Mitt Romney to box Evander Holyfield for comedy
becoming a munition to wry sand regret, eh
banding on the bees
Poos! Kim Kardashian Accidentally Flashes Her Underwear in Tight, See Through Pants
becumming a grandmother in your twenties
landing on the lees
Kronk's Woven Gore
liking your Pokemon like you like your coffee, ground type
Kronk's New Groove
Oops! Kim Kardashian Accidentally Flashes Her Underwear in Tight, See Through Pants
landing on the spikes
becoming a grandmother in your twenties
Mitt Romney to box Evander Holyfield for charity
hauoy
Jim Okcidento
Sovaga Sovaga Okcidento, Jim West, esperanto malglataj rajdanto
misting Jewel's boobs
Jew mist
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Fred and Rosemary West
Jim West
having you piss uncluttered pooh
shaving nuts up your iced pothole
having no TED cut up your pisshole
having chiseled pot up your snout
having polished toes up your cunt
having testicles up your poon, duh
having octupled shit up your nose
having chipotle dust up your nose
UK Opposition Head Rules Out Pact With Scottish Nationalists, Fears Chinning
UK Opposition Head Rules Out Pact With Scottish Nationalists
it's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
the death of Mike Porcaro
this Giant Jenga of assumptions
the smell of candy making you horny
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Jim West
the sound of horny making you silent
the sound of silence making you horny
the smell of your nectarine mint hand lotion making you horny
the sycamore draining board of an old sink in Hatton Garden
spooning Jewel's ears
Jew's ears
Saturn's Moon Enchiladas May Have a Hot Spicy Sauce Under its Surface
Once Glass is activated, wearers can say an action, such as "Take a picture", "Record a video", "Hangout with person Google plus circle", "Google 'What year was Wikipedia founded'", "Give me directions to the Eiffel Tower", and "Send a message to John"
Saturn's Moon Enceladus May Have a Hot Ocean Under its Surface
der Berliner Fernsehturm
subletting Wales, cheerio
rhyming black with cock
when I woke up, the light faded to black, I knew I was lost, I got lost on Myke Hawke
when I woke up, the light faded to grey, I knew I was lost, I got lost on the way
juicing so many citrus fruits you got a blister on your finger, and then the blister was weakened by citric acid and then it was full of citric acid and then you juiced more citrus fruits
for beauty and perfume you'd stake your house and your lands
angel's butt wile
weasel tilts bung
blunt sewage slit
wingless bat lute
lesbian's gut welt
wet bestial lungs
witless blue gnat
seeing bull twats
nubile twat's legs
using tweet balls
legless tuba twin
awl lubing testes
bat suet swelling
ewe tits, gnu balls
eating swell bust
twin beagle sluts
legal swine butts
web slut genitals
subletting Wales
fingering gut limes
www dot crossbows dot net yolo
that despite having spent a full hour extracting the pith from a dozen limes you have to admit that doing the same with finger limes would be a far more regrettable task
sweating buttocks
gut fingering limes
sweating bullets
gutting finger limes
gutting limes
www dot crossbows dot net
down comes the night
letting the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy
using the word "tacoriffic"
wondering how much governments actually spend on PR in other countries
Ash was said to be "devastated"
the Kremlin was said to have sacked its American PR company, Ketchum
U and me kickin' it tight, tight!
seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
you wanna go where people know our troubles are all the same
Zug Zug Spitze
putzes zig
wanking in the summertime when your angel is the centerfold
summering in Wank
that's really gay
to learn how to wave your dick and hope your dick is bigger than the other guy's
Transverse, eh
Shatnerverse
Star Trek Academy Colon Collision Course
it's not far from Fucking
it's near Wank
having been there
Zugspitze
it wasn't going to be gay for me
giving Montreal screw jobs
arranging to meet in French mens' rooms for anonymous gay sex is kind of gay
watching other guys jerk off and giving blow jobs is kind of gay
giving great lick jobs
giving terrible blow jobs
coming on like Mini Cobra
coming on like Tiny Tiger
coming on like Mr Troll Wedgies
coming on like Ms Wadded Noggin
coming on like Mr Whippy
cumming on like Mr Cool, no homo
coming on like Mr Cool
having impure thoughts about a twenty something oral sex, no homo
having impure thoughts about twenty something axolotls, no lizi
having impure thoughts about a twenty something Axl Rose, no homo
Myke Hawke attempting an unplanned splashdown on Uranus
Myke Hawke attempting an orbital insertion into Uranus and burning up on entry
crashing into Myke Hawke orbiting Uranus
crashing into Myke Hawke
orbiting Uranus
orbiting me
crashing into me
sprinking a hot waffle too fast because you need a shower and you don't want to be late, and consequently slamming your sweet but chaotic turtle in Mexico to no particular gain
drinking a hot drink too fast because you need a shower and you don't want to be late, but you already know you will be, so you're burning yourself to no particular gain
Pokemon Sex, Lies, and Videotape
Pokemon Regret Fraud and Dishonesty
Pokemon Chewing and Humping
not you, obviously
wondering where the STD thing came from
you haven't lived
Pokemon Kid and Dog
writing this regret from a friend's house about one foot from a dog who is simultaneously chewing on and humping a stuffed Pokemon
Friday mornings are a different story, though
I have never watched another man masturbate on a Saturday morning, nor have I ever gotten an STD, nor have I ever drawn a picture of Kento in any state whatsoever, let alone being simultaneously orally and anally violated by a elderly men and animals
also, it's funnier
in a general rather than a specific way
just kind of assuming that despite disabling the webcam on your laptop, people use it to spy on you
wondering why it is that you assume I'm not acting out all these song lyrics prior to entering them
wondering why it is that you assume that someone writing a regret automatically means that they have done that act
a girl or two might hit the cement, not an unfitting position for such a lesser part of humanity
a girl was only an honorary human being
the Clark Gable of cuddlers
ruminating on your keyboard
Doctors claim first successful penis transplant, watch recipient masturbate on Saturday morning
watching another man ruminate on a Saturday morning
getting evidence all over the desk and your hands accidentally
having Saturday morning masturbation and little else to convince people of your own sexual orientation, but in retrospect thinking it's kind of nice that someone is watching, since it is sort of like a chance to give evidence
the irony of being a sexless heterosexual criticising the sex lives and or claimed orientation of others
kind of hoping Putin has been killed by political rivals, just because you're bored of the guy's act
watching another man masturbate on a Saturday morning, the totally heterosexual ritual that precedes going to town on your hot girlfriend before writing gay porn regrets, no homo
watching an officer and a gentleman masturbate on a Saturday morning
watching Batman masturbate another man on a Saturday morning
you really shouldn't watch
watching Batman masturbate on a Saturday morning
watching another man masturbate on a Saturday morning
it's worn out, the walrus needed a new one
that's a lie, Kento has received a baculum thousands of times
New baculum recipient 'very excited' after South Africa performs world's first successful transplant
New penis recipient 'very excited' after South Africa performs world's first successful transplant
The patient accepted the penis as his own
Doctors claim first successful Putin transplant
a severe psychological problem of the recipient and his wife
Doctors claim first successful penis transplant
Putin's weeklong absence due to new love child colon report
A German biologist has learned the hard way that pubicly declared wagers are legally enforceable
your internet connection going down like a sedated thirteen year old in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
traumatic separations
their small town eyes will pika pika pikachu
A German biologist has learned the hard way that publicly declared wagers are legally enforceable
your internet connection going down like Kento at SeaWorld
GiannaDistenca hasn't tweeted yet
if a small ox ever got the chance he'd talk off you and everyone you ever cared about
vegan Linda McCartney has been dead for seveganteen years
having impure thoughts about a teenage Gianna Distenca
cunt taxes are ruining small ox sex hotline businesses
vegan Linda McCartney has been dead for seventeen years
it's got Paul Anka's guarantee
Linda McCartney has been dead for seventeen years
if a cow ever got the chance he'd eat you and everyone you cared about
buenos ding dong diddly dias, senor
bums are the most dangerous game
a trap set in the slums
getting your scrotum tangled in a fan of your work
a resting place for bums
getting your scrotum tangled in a ceiling fan
Jimmying
shaking
shimmying
Cunt Tax On Sex Hotline of Ox
Foxhunt IX Colon No Teat Sex
Hot Sex Colon Innate Fox Tux
xXx Colon He Eats Onion Tuft
xXx Colon Fetus Notation, Eh
xXx Colon State of the Union
Ex Ex Gay Go
Ex Gay Go
Gay Go
Bi Go
the limiting behavior of a function when the argument tends towards a particular value or infinity, usually in terms of simpler functions
only understanding about forty percent of Big O but liking it anyway
the sweet touch of a mo' swan love
the sweet touch of a woman's love
having a whole lot of fun but now the time has come, you need the sweet touch of a woman's love
wishing you had Benjie's butt
Jessie's girl has got it goin' on
wishing you had Jessie's girl
Jupiter's ring
Jupiter Rectum, It Darn Near Killed 'Em
Jupiter Rectum
Jupiter Sigmoid Colon
Jupiter Descending Colon
Jupiter Transverse Colon
Jupiter Ascending Colon Ascend Harder
you'd be salty if you'd been underground for four point five billion years
wondering if Jupiter Ascending will get a sequel, so that we can refer to it as Jupiter Ascending Colon
Sailor Makemake
Confirmed Colon Jupiter's moon Ganymede has a salty, underground ocean
Tiny Tiger, Mini Dragon
going to college at twenty one and being amazed by even the third year students believing you must be a doctoral candidate because of your advanced years and lack of significant debts
not going to college sooner, before the joy of youth was sucked from my body by that succubus time
Tiny Tiger vs Mini Cobra
having a hit of the fart, eh
Robert Downey Jr, as Mr Anion's Troy Skank, gifts little boy a mini cobra
finding that Enterprise has aged a lot better than some of the other Star Trek series, but not really liking the war season
Arnold T Schwarzenglider
having faith of the heart
having never really watched much Enterprise because it sucked
Feeding Sugar Gliders Onion and Garlic
furry little things that go well with onions
Robert Downey Jr, as Iron Man's Tony Stark, gifts little boy a bionic arm
a sign of a decline in political ethics and the destruction of the American establishment from within
how many conch penis videos there are singing a little song, trying to hum along, entertaining Christopher Guest
how many conch penis videos there are singing a little song, trying to hum along, entertaining a Christmas guest
how many conch penis videos there are
singing a little song, trying to hum along, entertaining a Christmas guest
Onion Slop
Snoop Lion
Frozen Two Colon Frozen II Frozen
the time Jonathan Archer banged a talking slug
Dickworld what a way to go
Dickworld
what a way to go
the death of Terry Pratchett having impure thoughts about a redhead Winona Rider
the death of Terry Pratchett
having impure thoughts about a redhead Winona Rider
kind of going off blondes around the time you stopped listening to Jewel
Jewel would be a hot redhead, meow
Stacy's mom has got to go on a sex offender's register
getting an erection on hearing about another man becoming erect at the thought of a redheaded popstar
Turkish Minecraft Wars
Minecraft owner Microsoft is investigating reports the Turkish government is preparing to ban the game
YET ANOTHER erection
that genuinely you will give pop stars a second chance no matter how much you disliked their music on first listen if you know them to be redheads
another erection
living each day in the summertime, when the weather is fine
Stacy's mom is portrayed as a pert, oily, pop redhead
living each day in springtime
on the desk in front of everyone
the hot teacher you had when you were nine
an erection
Stacy's mom is portrayed as a predatory pedophile
the few months as a seventeen year old when the cable company unwittingly unscrambled everything and you basically didn't sleep
that you clearly remember being nine years old and having to go to the front of the class to show your work to your teacher, who probably only realised from the other kids' reaction that you had an erection
wondering if kids these days, with their instantaneous one click access to petabytes of internet porn, understand the illicit thrill of seeing a friend's older sister in a bikini, or watching scrambled Playboy channel, or a pilfered lingerie catalogue
that none of your friends, either male or female, had hot moms as a kid, although you did have a friend with an unspeakably hot older sister
if her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal, if her mom's got it going on, masturbate in her bathroom
winning the Academy Award for Forced Anal Penetrant with seventeen year olds
poodoo
possibly being the only person besides George Lucas who would watch a Cluesoesque movie about the great detective Jar Jar Binks and consequently perhaps not being the best person to ask about comedy, or almost anything
Bryan Singer actually still has a career too
not being sure you ever heard Stacy's Mom, and watching the video with the sound off
Roman Polanski still gets Oscars, they love him in Hollywood
pedophiles, structured around a beloved comedy classic
we'd probably get heat for making a sitcom about two pedophiles, structured around a beloved comedy classic
Stacy's mom is the centerfold
wondering if we would get heat for playing into stereotypes and making the gay one the neat one
wondering what it says about a society where people's reaction to a music video including a scene implying a twelve year old boy's masturbation is "oh man, awkward!!!" and not "hey, that's borderline child abuse"
wondering which one would be the neat freak
being kind of creeped out by the way Stacy was portrayed as a nascent sexual creature in the Stacy's Mom video, but guessing that was probably an intended effect
imagining a remake of The Odd Couple with Bryan Singer and Roman Polanski
she's definitely of legal age now
being more attracted to Stacy than Stacy's mom in the Stacy's Mom video and feeling like you should be rooming with Roman Polanski
wondering if you had a stroke in your sleep, because words ending in es are really confusing you
Okay Kimono I
Stacy boils the dog in milt for no particular reason
boiling milt for no particular reason
Stacy masturbates the dog catcher in her bathroom
Stacy catches the dog masturbating in her bathroom
Stacy watches the boy masturbating in her bathroom
no particular reason
meandering around Tate St Ives thinking about Rachel Colon for no particular reason
boiling milt
Rachel colon the most dangerous game
hunting Rachel
not realising until you had wasted lots of guys that when your boss said he wanted them out of the way, he meant it literally
never really understanding what the fuss was about Rachel Hunter
economiyaki
using the word "okonomiyakitastic"
also, the kidnapping thing
genuinely becoming frightened that you had forgotten an entire chunk of your life
dreaming that you accidentally kidnapped someone, but becoming increasingly frantic as you realised while going out for supplies that you couldn't recall the address or location of the house you had left them in despite believing you had once lived there
it went down the wrong pipe
okonomiyaki
Some People have Too Many Dongs
Some People have Too Many Legs
pitching the sitcom "Doctors With Boarders", a wry look at young professionals moonlighting as landlords
the pot calling the kettle colored, then immediately apologizing
Stacy catches the boy rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
Stacy catches the boy masturbating in her bathroom
letting the milt boil over while you momentarily tried to think of inane lice regrets
letting the milk boil over while you momentarily tried to think of inane lice regrets
that Stacey's mom has got inane lice
that Stacey's mom has got it goin' on
we're inane lice
they're inane lice
she's inane lice
he's inane lice
your inane lice
you're inane lice
it's inane lice
it's a nice line
that you don't read the Daily Mail, don't like it, and do not want to come across as defending it, because you're not defending it, but Gawker calling anything the Voltron of Shit is the biggest instance of the pot calling the kettle African American ever
Voltron of Shit
having a really great ninety minute conversation
finishing up ninety minutes of mutual oral gratification with a woman before coming to the regret index to write about anagrams and gay porn
reading the Daily Male will give you prostate cancer
reading the Daily Mail will give you brain cancer
Calista Flockhart looks distraught leaving hospital after keeping bedside vigil with Harrison Ford after plane crash
Kira, who is named after the protagonist in Ayn Rand's anti communist novel, "Living Wet, Eh"
Kira, who is named after the protagonist in Ayn Rand's anti communist novel, "Weevil Night"
communist novel, "We the Living"
Kira, who is named after the protagonist in Ayn Rand's anti communist novel, "We the Living"
you can help Wikipedia by completing it
is this some kind of stub
is this some kind of bust
peeing iffy from plutonium
the UPPU club
accepting the vile apology of a vile being
a thousand reflections of my own sweet self, self, self, self
we're vile creatures
I knew I should have never mentioned that, because everything that gets posted here turns into something vile
beginning at age seven all males regularly submit to Sunday Brunch
poof ass feces
beginning at age seven all males regularly submit to oral
faeces spoofs
caffe sospeso
acrid taste
pro lech cans
lech porn sac
corn scalp, eh
penal scorch
UPPU
conch pearls
beginning at age seven all males regularly submit to oral penetration by adolescents in a six stage initiation process, as the Sambia believe that regular ingestion of an older boy's semen is necessary for a prepubescent youth to achieve sexual maturity
The semen of heavy smokers and drinkers tends to carry a more acrid taste
fellatio
felonious horatio
Horatio Thelonious Ignatius Crustaceous Sebastian
slamming your dick in tar or cod, eh
stupid babies deserve a quiet night
Sithy Shades of Grey
impotent sand babies need stout tit, eh
stupid babies need ten Ottoman tits, eh
stupid babies need the most attention
The abbreviation "LOL" means "Lucifer Our Lord" and is used in prayer by Satanists
having never had dinosaur sex
a land where they live for today 'cause tomorrow is too far away
taking a deep breath, and shaking off the blues
that is if you're on for Monday
I think we should lay out the ground sheets before we meet, and possibly engage the services of a medic
I apologize for that, but I think that we should lay out the ground rules before we actually meet
I've already been stood up once this week
there's still time
voting haven't done it yet on nine one five nine five
having dinosaur sex with agenty fiftyseven in twentyfifteen
inside of agenty fiftyseven it's too dark to get into a serious webcomics discussion
getting into a serious webcomics discussion in agenty fiftyseven
getting into a serious webcomics discussion in twentyfifteen
Vegan Kento Meatsack
Kento Meatsack
Kento Ikeda
Chet Meatsack
being coerced into licking a full serving of mulukhiyah off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
being coerced into hungrily eating emu offal via hulks
Gene Talia
baiting Gene into a full serving of mulukhiyah
eating coerced into being a full serving of mulukhiyah
being coerced into eating a full serving of mulukhiyah
moroheiya
malukhiyah
mulukhiyya
molohiya
molokhia
mloukhiya
mulukhiyah
looking for dildos in all the wrong dumpsters
looking for dildos in all the wrong places
hanging around bin o' sex with Bicoid Babe, looking for dildos
hanging around bin o' sex
hanging around in boxes
inboxes
hanging around brains
hanging around in bras
hanging around in bars
putting on women's clothing
emails about planning Chelsea's wedding or my mother's funeral arrangements, condolence notes to friends as well as yoga routines, family vacations, the other things you typically find in inboxes
being okay
being a lumberjack
running, running away from here
being a hapax legomenon wheels
being a toilet on wheels
being a lemon on wheels
toilet humour
being a Lewes non dom, eh
being a demon on wheels
trout limo, eh
sharp, curved claws on the suction cups of squid testicles cut up the rubber coating on the hull of the USS Stein
toilet humor
sharp, curved claws on the suction cups of squid tentacles cut up the rubber coating on the hull of the USS Stein
the porpoise of C Mao is to Eiffel Tower
it's hard to grasp
wondering what porpoise that would serve
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chairman Mao and a finless porpoise
Lake Dongting
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping hair
buying new sheets a month ago and having washed them three times but they still smell like sheet rot
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping thoroughly modern Millie
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping phantom of the opera
trying washing them with a small amount of ammonia to remove any odor trapping grease
buying new sheets a month ago and having washed them three times but they still smell like the store
Sting as Zarm
This was explained by the fact that the characters thought of drug addiction as "pollution of the mind"
toilet turtles
es sieht geheimnisvoll aus
toilet lithium
toilet metal
toilet wood
toilet air
toilet heart
toilet wind
toilet earth
toilet fire
water to tile
they used it to make Kento
being the Sith tea atheist
toilet water
being the shit tea atheist
being the athiest atheist
when they made Stephen Fry, they broke the mould, and then they used it to make Kento
even avowed athiest Stephen Fry considers Kento God's greatest mistake
God hates Eiffel Towering
Squid Spermatophore mini talk
that apparently after everything that's been said tonight, the implied relation of Kento to 'god's mistake' was too much to bear
skullis dot com
spooning God's mistake
spooning Kento's god
Kento's poon, God
growlr
grumblr
God's poon, Kento
Go's pod on Kento
Kento's poo dong
Kento's pond goo
Kento's goon pod
Kento's gonopod
Kento's aedeagus
mammals no longer needed to be orally raped by squids
the OG sixtyniner's, Big Unit, and Junior Jiz Mafia for keeping the tradition alive
in my country, it's all about the kid in YOU
it's all about the dog in me
spawn rush
playing Sim Salmon IV but really wanting to go back and play SimSalmon MM, even though the graphics make your eyes bleed
the death of Sim Salmon
the death of Sam Simon
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Zaranites
Zaranites
headaches, we don't need no stinking headaches
sometimes it takes a while to find the perfect one, but it's worth it
LionO cum grenade
LionO menace drug
condom FREEDOM eagle
miracle on nude Go
damning oreo clue
loonier acme dung
gonad income rule
Uncle Amigo drone
lurid ocean gnome
Harvey's Oil Cream Dungeon
crude tapir gleam
unclaimed Oregon
our genocidal men
genial condor emu
Roman genie cloud
cum donor lineage
condom ruin eagle
nuncio dogma reel
no unclaimed ogre
our angelic demon
corn media lounge
agile dunce moron
urine gale condom
a glee unicorn mod
ogle more nun acid
oil cream dungeon
crude onion gleam
a cum drool engine
un coglione madre
being told in Italian on twitter that you're going to be a mother jerk
you just didn't see my hand under the stall door
being told in Italian on twitter that you're going to be a mother
jerk
being stood up
Navajo inspired recent comments
a woman in a sheer triangle bra suggestively stares at the camera on her hands and knees, a woman clad in nothing but legwarmers and panties looks more demure
Strange Magic
there are five lights
Picard regrets that there are four lights
dumpr
coldshouldr
fistr
ikedr
nuttr
kronr
rikr
Rikrets
Picard regrets
peccary regrets
pessary regret
pessimistic regrets
optimistic regrets
tomorrow's regrets, today
December twenty thirteen was four years ago
near and far, the desert sand, it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere
the comments went away in December twenty thirteen
so at last, you understood
a moment later
sure enough
knowing some day you'd face the test
the mountain quest
near and far, the desert sand
those auto generated news sites that use random retweets of actual article links as 'sources'
suddenly missing the comments, then relaxing as you realise it's been something stupid like two years since they went away
denying that A equals A
the purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the purpose of a woman is to love a man, so come on baby let's start an orgy
the porpoises of an orgy
the purposes of an orgy
meeting Brian Pepprs
cuddlng Jewel's boobs
eiffeltowerr
only people desperate for human touch would turn to technology to fulfill this human need with a stranger
wafflr
remembering a decade ago when trilateration was a pipe dream
sprinkr
penisbraidr
cuddlr
regretr
blendr
Some examples include putting in profiles "No Asians", "No Blacks" or "No femmes", and referring to people of color as food, such as "No chocolate", "No curry", and "No rice"
grindr's mother
grindr
being slain by a bizarre, striated earthworm
playing Towers & Chariots with Chris Lydon
doubting that Chris Lydon is that sexually adventurous and guessing that he mostly likes to stick to good old fashioned Eiffel Towers and chariots
Under the guise of using the space for relatives, it was rented for the porpoises of an orgy
Under the guise of using the space for relatives, it was rented for the purposes of an orgy
Vaginal Kung Po
Vaginal Kung Fu
i dot imgur dot com slash threeGoneieXk dot png
Kento and Chris probably do that
wondering if there are people out there whose Rough Sex Monday ritual consists of reubendikshonairy roulette, wherein they click on random entries until they find a sex act, then they have to do it
when you ram a paper towel tube up a girl's asshole and drive
micro machines in there
when you ram a paper towel tube up a girl's asshole and drive micro machines in there, cheerio
the "ten words trending now" on roombadickinary being bbw, bdsm, donkey punch, drink things through, blumpkin, fam, rusty trombone, cum, bitch, and douchebag
when you ram a paper towel tube up a girl's asshole and drive micro machines in there
regarding an upper decker you left in Des Moines
for you
my wide stance
definition three of chunnel on rbnuadtoctariy
I'm a pretty wide guy
okay, I'll be in the men's room, you'll be able to recognize me by my wide stance
we'll call it dinner
more like seven
i dot imgur dot com slash XNKIWTD dot jpg
Sunday is sadly trod, eh
Sunday is Lorde's day
Sunday is the Lord's day
drinking Champagne Out of a Chimp Anus out of a chimp anus in Champagne
fine I'll meet you at Gare du Nord at about six
we can still make it by evening if you take the chunnel
"Sunday brunch" sounds fairly unconventional
packed with celebrity guests, tasty cookery and chat
that it's kind of late but I'm free if you're free
Tim Lovejoy and Simon Rimmer host Sunday Brunch
when work schedules conflicts
being decked by Desmond Dekker twice on a double decker regarding an upper decker you left in Des Moines
it's so weird that you mentioned that, because "Sunday brunch" is one of your favorite relationship traditions, and one which you are unable to partake of this week due to work scheduling conflicts
in the night he woke suddenly and put vanilla ice cream on the shopping list
the highlight of your sex life to date being introducing a thirty year old woman to cunnilingus
when he'd finished the ice cream and put the bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and washed his hands, he kissed her and then held hands for a bit before bedtime
"I have pretty conventional tastes," he said, eating a vanilla ice cream with a small spoon
maybe a little light bondage, if like playfully holding a limb down or something like that counts
not bondage, but bonding
fun and bonding
for fun
on cunnies
feeling that the quiet spaces of a Sunday morning would be better spent performing cunnilingus
being a heaping bowl of staple sauce
eating a heaping bowl of staple sauce
In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of people, the Druids
it was the giving superficial advice to a stranger one, it was just responded to way later in the day, like so
mice can go fuck themselves
mice, seriously
mice
hoping, desperately, that single the very dark, dry mouse poo you found was in fact just carried there by something you did, or was at least dropped by the mouse you know died before the shit eating little bastard could come back for it
five feet off the ground given the opportunity
seriously seeming to spend a large part of your life telling yourself you imagined things
telling yourself you'd imagined it
the king
nothing will ever seem clean again
really hating mice and rats SO MUCH
being aware that field mice will build nests in coniferous trees at five feet off the ground given the opportunity
wondering if the average mouse likes to climb power cables to the height of several feet
wondering what the maximum number of mice that will transport themselves inside of a rolled up rug at any given time is
coming into the bedroom after a shower and thinking you'd heard the scratching of a mouse at floor level, but seeing nothing and telling yourself you'd imagined it
just basically never trusting your home ever again
finding a mouse dropping like a month after you thought the mouse died and was disposed of, and worst of all, finding the dropping in an area that you didn't think the mouse could have reached
Assfucking, You Like It Geldof
It's Sesear Kiss Ear Kissess S Es Ear Kiss Nipple Play Geldof
Low Try Barony Geldof
Low Try Barony
Royalty Brown
Ohio teacher accused of placing spy camera in kindergarten bathroom
the nipple play's the thing, wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king
Assfucking, You Like It's
It's
sesear kiss
ear kissess
s
es
ear kiss
nipple play
Assfucking, You Like It
The Assfucking of Othello, the BBC of Venice
The Two Gentlemen of Verona Being Fucked in the Ass
A Midsummer Night's Assfuck
All's Well That Ends With Being Fucked In The Ass
Much Ado About Being Fucked In The Ass
it's probably a bit late to do much about being fucked in the ass
it's probably a bit late to do much about that
the randomizer giving you three regrets with variations on the phrase "fucked in the ass" in a row
old age when you were an infant
having impure thoughts about a geriatric Lydia Lopokova
finding yourself drawn to Lydia Lopokova, a woman who died of old age when you were an infant
Cans & Curious
The Cans and the Curious Colon Tokyo Fist
II Cans II Curious
The Cans and the Curious
Ded Moroz
robust mongoloids
I really need to get some sleep
damn it
being satisfactorily fast but extraordinarily, perhaps excessively, fast
being both too fast and too furious
Bili apes
canner's buttock
baculogenic contusions
gumshoe's cock knee
walrus tamer's fissures
podcaster's striations
podcaster's scrotum
laboratory animal allergy
surfer's ear
mad hatter disease
mule spinners' cancer
fiddler's neck
chimney sweeps' carcinoma
coalworker's pneumoconiosis
glassblower's cataracts
glassblowers
Katie Holmes' left one sucking on you until she had a breastgasm
daily except for sunday drawing a picture of Kento being fingered by an anthropomorphic fingered citron
daily except for sunday
drawing a picture of Kento being fingered by an anthropomorphic fingered citron
the fingered citron
that you would eat intact hobbit flavored pringles
I have got to do something about that air conditioner suction
that you would eat intact jareth flavored pringles
that you would eat intact hoggle flavored pringles
that you would eat intact hogg flavored pringles
that you would eat intact hog flavored pringles
Katie Holmes with a Vampire Breast
Katie Holmes with a Smart Rape Vibe
The French buttock handlers in Paris thought the can's curious contents had been left for them as an unkind joke by their counterparts in London
The French baggage handlers in Paris thought the can's unsavoury contents had been left for them as an unkind joke by their counterparts in London
Katie Holmes with Vampire Bat Ears
some tinned food, a torch, a blanket and a pillow, plus two plastic bottles
the gamfish lives
constructing additional gams
exceeding the load of those gams
busting a load on those gams
getting a load off those gams
getting a load of those gams
A single piece of Jade, approximately the size of a man's finger, could protect one person from the taint for about a week
Noel was advised to dress as James Bond but he was always interested in tampons
Noel was advised to dress as James Bond but he was a huge douchebag
pig gooch
tartan Obi
Liam was advised to dress as James Bond but he was promiscuous and a murderer
boar taint
Torengos
Two limited market flavors, cheeseburger and "Intact Hog", were recalled in March twenty ten as a safety precaution after Salmonella was found
getting the fever for the flavor of a Pringle, but being fine after a short course of antibiotics
Two limited market flavors, cheeseburger and "Taco Night", were recalled in March twenty ten as a safety precaution after Salmonella was found
consumer complaints about broken, greasy, and stale chips, as well as air in the bags
his manager at Tim Hortons probably wouldn't give him time off anyway
the very notion that Hayden Christensen has the physical presence to even intimidate a potato chip mascot, let alone actually kill him
Julius Pringles begging for mercy on the grounds that it's only a picture, but receiving no clemency because the picture was drawn in sand
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen's sister choking to death on Pringles while jumping on a trampoline, causing him to go and decapitate Julius Pringles
Brian CC Frate, Pen Istoneland, BC Canada
Skip McDeere
Brian C Frate, Pen Island, BC Canada
Brian C Frate, Pender Island, BC Canada
He was "discovered" when his older sister, a former trampoline champion, was searching for an agent after she landed a role in a Pringles commercial
"Dawson's Creek" is a nauseous example
Paralyzed Colon The Eli Goodner Story
honestly not getting the rhubarb pie thing, but now wanting some rhubarb
I believe this was due to the fact that it wasn't publicized enough and I personally feel that it was on at the wrong time slot
all those girl scouts Vader decapitated after he found out they put sand in his rhubarb pie
sad wet airships
At the time, the word "green" had sexual connotations, most notably in the phrase "a green gown", a reference to the way that grass stains might be seen on a woman's dress if she had engaged in sexual intercourse out of doors
reaching number one in the Sith Pies Awards with seventeen votes
reaching number one in the Swiss Hit Parade
Nestor Alexander Haddaway
wondering if Sting can stand to eat waffles, or if he just pushes a mess
wondering if Sting can stand to eat waffles, or if he just pushes
wondering if homophobes can stand to eat waffles
wondering if Sting can stand to eat waffles, or if he just pushes them around his plate
wondering if trypophobes can stand to eat waffles
I can't, I can't, I can't stand gaining weight
seriously, don't stand so close to me
the bed's too big without you, I can't reach the bucket fast enough
the bitterly violent music of Sting, one of the most vomit inducing songwriters ever to have lived
yough'll hup remembarghhh murgghh hu hu hu when hu th hu the hu west hworp wind mooooghves hupon th fields of HOOOORK
Syrupofipecac II
Roxanne, you don't have to put your fingers down your throat
finding a violent retch teen Sting
finding a convenient Skywalker
finding a convenient streetwalker
finding a convenient streetlight
that you can genuinely believe Mama brand noodles killed a man, put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he's dead
that you can genuinely believe Mama brand noodles kissed a man
you also gain full, uncensored access to all of the pictures of Kento with animals and celebrities engaging in hot sex acts no even urbandictionary has heard of!
that you can genuinely believe Mama brand noodles killed a man
discovering that the reason you were on that instant noodle kick is because they're basically liquid doritos
signing up for Regret Prime, the premium Regret Index experience that permits you to see all fifty 'ghost' regrets, as well as use special characters like , , , and of course
sometimes feeling like there are hidden regrets that you can't see, because you have no idea what the context for the previous regret is
that the same superficial advice is what you tell yourself during freakouts too, but it hasn't really helped you in the long run
you fill up my census
you light up my senses
drawing a picture of Raymond Burr and a chimp taking turns sucking Kento's left one, though the actual nature of the appendage remains a mystery
Chrome telling you that you can't download a file because it WILL harm your computer, and not even giving you the option to do it anyway because you know it's a false positive
she didn't look like a Back Dorothy
you did not believe the information
sucking Kento's left one
Alien Shooter Colon Vengeance
Piscis swimeatus vitae
House of Sand and Walruses starring Lydon Walrussen
piloting your steamer through Walrusson Fjord
Walrusson Ford Eiffled in plane crash
Commander Colon Colon Colon Dreams
Walrus and Commander Colon The Far Side of the Anus
drawing a picture of Captain Lydon and Commander Walrus Kobyashi Maruing Ensign Kento
drawing a picture of Raymond Burr and a chimp taking turns sucking Kento's left one
that sounds like a challenge
could be as early as June
guessing that we'll hit lOOk sometime in September
there is nothing beyond the subatomic
I don't even have a waffle iron
not cleaning and putting away your waffle iron before going back to bed, a clear violation of the Brussels Conventions on the treatment of breakfast utensils
I think he's talking to you
Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson
imagining a pitch meeting where the amazing Regret Index is mentioned as an example of potential audience
dogs playing Battlecreek and mocking dogs that play Call of Duty
deserving a quiet night
Hayden Christensen injured in sand storm
Harrison Ford injured in peach snarl
Harrison Ford usured in plane crash
shaming your colon
shaving your colon
sharing your colon
shunting your colon
shutting your colon
shitting your colon
seriously considering night waffles
dogs playing Battlefield and mocking dogs that play Call of Duty
dogs playing Call of Duty
slamming your colon in the car door
gory duty
hitting your colon
missing your colon
imagining a Tolkien insect character on the Lord of the Hobbits Episode XVII Crossover of the Hogwarts that goes around filming everyone being gay
cuter sox
sex court
imagining a talking insect character on Tanks for Nothing that constantly goes around accusing everone of being gay
Harrison Ford insured in plane crash
being accused of soliciting gay sex by a talking insect
I don't go around anywhere hitting on men, and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho! Jiminy!
wondering if you could get away with making waffles at three in the morning
maybe you all are homosexuals too
I had to spread my legs when I lower my pants so they won't slide
laying awake and wondering if your body really thinks that three hours of sleep were enough or if it just hates you
showing the court with this doll where you'd like to be touched
erectile witnesses
hostile witnesses
dogs playing Pokemon
orgy duty
twelve horny men
hung juries
MY NO PELT GAFFE
having a concersation with somoen about shoes at a twelve hour orgy
EMPTY FAG FELON
GET OFF MY PLANE
Harrison Ford injured in plane crash
having a concersation with somoen
holy shit, did I just write that
I can't tell if you were having a concersation with somoen or just regretwanking, but I haven't posted anything in about twelve hours
any swan's death diminishes me, because I am involved in swankind
any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind
giving superficial advice to a stranger on a strange site because you want to reassure them, when really, honestly, you're just repeating the things you've often told yourself during freakouts
we can never truly escape or out think our fears, but we can be rational about them, and perhaps the simplest thing we can do is to remember that almost anybody would make the same decisions as we do in the same situations with the same information
ultimately all any of us can do is accept that we are imperfect beings leading imperfect lives in an imperfect world, and attempt to avoid the kind of learned, internalized disappointment with our own imperfections and 'lack of progress'
loneliness and the fear of unavoidable failure can lead us to act in ways that are counter productive both in social and mental health terms, which, ironically, can lead us into a kind of shame spiral
feeling like you're sleepwanking
you know being staked in your heart, that ain't right
taking it, taking another little bite of my neck now, baby
the terrible loveliness of the lone souled orgygoer
feeling like you're sleepwalking
the terrible loneliness of the nice shoed orgygoer
hiring a detective to find out who thinks that you're bonerific
On top of that having almost no solid proof that anyone has ever been interested
and even as you're thinking that thinking "haha nah, that never happened, none of those maybes were real things, they were all in your mind"
being afraid you're keeping yourself from being loved, that in the past you've shot down people who might like you based on the idea that no one could possibly like you
you were never the strong one, but the stuff you show doesn't scratch the surface of the fears you have
that your sister was all "I always had to be the strong one" she she was having a crisis, but you're the stoic, you can't even bring yourself to dump on other people
dirtyfriedchicken dot com, isn't it
orgies
not getting your nice shoes cleaned after the orgy
clogging up the hot tub with Jack Nicholson's back hair
weird is a weird word
clogging up the hot tub filters with shoe polish
assessed is a weird word
wondering how ass tax is assesed
wearing your nice shoes in the hot tub
Butts County leaders oppose ass tax elimination
not getting your hot tub cleaned after the orgy
clever girl
Attack of the Eiffelraptor
not getting your nice shoes polished before the orgy
Return of the Bumpasaurus
i dot imgur dot com slash Mjzptsevend dot png
Analrapy prepares inmates for life beyond Butts County
Counseling prepares inmates for life beyond Butts County
Butts County leaders oppose gas tax elimination
Butts County sheriff implements new wrecker policy
the Butts County Assessors Office
going all the way to Butts County and not even meeting the Count of Butts
just one look and I can be a hill ranger
just one look and I can anal her gerbil
just one look and I can hear a bell ring
Butt Buddy Holly
mamma mia!
the well documented and commonly encountered invisible powers of dogs
Buddy Holly Anal Probe May Be Reopened
Buddy Holly Crash Probe May Be Reopened
"Dog attacks child with an invisible power" is not a headline, "Child attacks dog with an invisible power" is
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE THERE IS ONLY CHICK SEXING
Kid attacks puppy with a visible power
Dog attacks child with an invisible power
Attack of the Forty Thousand Pound Chick Sexer
Shortage of chick sexers in the UK, cheerio
Jackson Clitcaster Frank
when IVchan made fake adverts which told people to microwave their iPhones, people actually microwaved their iPhones
Zachor C Kento
bottoming for Zachary Quinto in Fag Failure Trek I, Eh
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'a faerie girth fluke'
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'failure freak eight'
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'a huge ratlike fifer'
Zachary Quinto says Leonard Nimoy is 'like a father figure'
Chris Brown has a nine month old daughter colon report
too soon
Five Canadian Dollar Leonard Nimoy, eh
Five Canadian Dollar Bill Shatner, eh
Five Dollar Bill Murray
Another Man Dong Gone
Hot Grits All Over You
I Pity the Poop Immigrant
I like to keep you informed
it is nice to know that your butt's got a hole in it, though
yeah, I'm pushing air here
The Groom's Still Queefing at the Convention
all right, I think I've kind of peaked with Scandinavian Hardboiled Blues, I'm done for a while
Shark Pilot
Meet Brian Peppers in the Morning
Gays of Eden
From a Buick SEVEN
Narrow Urethra
My Butt's Got a Hole in it
Scandinavian Hardboiled Blues
It's the Flight of the Dishonest Bumblebee Keeper
I'd Hate to be You in That Dreadful Hot Tub
Knockin' on Shaven Rodeo
Myke Hawke is Hard
Slammin' Your Dick in Heaven's Door
I Shall Eat Free
He'll Be Ejaculating Over The Mountain Onto Kim Jong il
Two Dwarfs Shaving Grace
Baby, I'm In The Mood For You, Signed, Roman Polanski
Ayngelina
Temporary Like Achisses
Oxford Town, Cheerio
Love Minus Zero, No Homo
Liking Your Cup of Coffee Like a Rolling Stone, One More
Long Time Ago, Far Far Away
Suzi's Farm
Chimp Anus Zero, No Limit
Harvey Cream About You, Baby
Bustier, Hippier Girl of the Lowlands
Early Roman Polanski
Kentoing, Kentoing, Kentone
Meet Me in the Dumpster
Goose Down Engine
Man Gave Blow Jobs to All the Animals
North Country Blues, I'll Chin Ye
I'll Remember Every Episode of TNG
Under the Red Splotchy Rhino
Dong to Woodie
House of the Ragin' Swan
I Threw Lolitics Dot Com Away
If I Were a Walrus
If You Ever Go to Boston
Po' Walrus
Spooning Jewel's Boots of Spanish Leather
that one made me laugh out loud, like Muttley
Bizarre, Striated Willie McTell
Canadee I O E H
Masturbation Row
It's Alright, Ma, I'm Only Fisting
Copper Waffle
Chris the Eskimo
Stuck Inside Of A Taco Bell Parking Lot With The Dumpster Behind Steak n Shake Blues Again
I'm Eiffel for You
TV Quotin' Song
Sitting On A Barbed Wire Fence, On a Mountain of Skulls, In the Castle of Pain
'Til Eiffel in Love with You
Tiny Tiger Montgomery
One Too Many Rough Sex Mondays
Pokemon Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine
All the Tired Bicycling Horses
Myke Hawke Pages
Eh, Sister
Drinking the Water in The Hills of Mexico
Playing Dungeons & Dragons With Tim Duncan and Brady
Two Kroner and Ninety Nine Ore
I am a Lonesome Hobo, No Hobo
No Time to Sprink
One More Scalding Cup of Coffee
Talkin' Da Bears Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues
Open the Door, Homo
Baby, Won't You Eat My Baby
Only a Swan in Their Game
Talkin' New York, I'm Walkin' Here
Song for Canada, Eh
Step it Up and Kento
The Lonesome Death of Sylvia Browne
Ballad of Benjamin Buttocks
Every Grain of Sand, eh
Vegan Queen Jane Approximately
Panthro Skin Pill Box Hat
Mr Tambourine Swan
Lolitical World
Downy Rye Mania #Twelve & Thirty Five
The Man in Kento
The French Girl Who Looked Like Janice Dickinson
If Kids Run Free
Dump is Just a Four Letter Word
Pokemon Frankie Lee and Judas Priest
Tangled Up in INDIGO
Make You Feel Myke Hawke
Hurrikento
Steak n Shake Theme
Big Red Dog
Blood in Jackson C Frank's Eyes
Girl from the Ryan North Country, Eh
not appreciating "Ryan North Country Blues" at the time because you were still shiny
that "Ryan North Country Blues" was entered seventy thousand regrets ago
Just Like Tim Tin's Blues
the answer, Myke Hawke, is blowin' a walrus
Don't Think THRICE, It's All LEFT
Ballad of a Thin Swan
Ballad of a Fat Gay Asian
I Dreamed I Saw St Augustine in the Bathroom at Church
being bound off for the harbor of Boston or maybe to shoot some walrus porn
All Along the Eiffel Tower
All Along the Waffletower
Farewell, Jaylala
Kento Ikeda's one hundred fifteenth dream
quadruple Chris Pratt's cock
letting me down gently
eating a crisp rat with Chris Pratt
According to legendary accounts, debate became so heated that at one point, Arius was struck in the face by Nicholas of Myra
the little black diabetic Tom of Finland
James Bond Colon In Service Of Nothing
SeaQuest
conducting evening smut boners
One of my biggest achilles heels has beanery ego
the waitress he was handsome he wore a powder blue cape, eh
your kid Dumpster
Wee MacTusk
bizarre, striated wormholes
wormholes
tonight the dog from Frasier's gonna ride the dolphin from SeaQuest
your dog Skip
Blake Little, I mean
Black Little, the Diabetic Tom of Finland
Pokemon Take Her Out For a Meal and Just Do What You Feel
Blake Little
Pokemon Summertime and Centerfold
It is very difficult to conceive of a scenario short of reel in raw cunt where an agency would be justified in allowing its cabinet level head officer to solely use a private email communications channel for the conduct of evening smut boners
It is very difficult to conceive of a scenario short of nuclear winter where an agency would be justified in allowing its cabinet level head officer to solely use a private email communications channel for the conduct of government business
what Paris Hilton's mom told her on her ninth birthday
you may very well be putting those nipples to work before you know it
Colonel Gaddafi's cousin, Shittalking Alsoran Forhire
Colonel Gaddafi's cousin, Ahmed Gaddafi al Paletteswapped Boris Johnson
Sirs Fit Endways
Fit Wiry Sadness
Twin Sis Defrays
Dairy Swiftness
Ryan's wide fists
being Ryan's anal fist wide receiver
wondering what the final straw will eat for Ryan
wondering what the anal fist WR will be for Ryan
wondering what the final straw will be for Ryan
Pokemon Lindsay Lohan and Alexis Bledel
Pokemon Wookieepedia and Fat World
Pokemon Skiing and Eiffel Towering
Pokemon Homo and No Homo
Pokemon Ex Gay and Ex Ex Gay
Pokemon Fluids and Mucus
Pokemon Chris Lydon and A Walrus
Pokemon Dick Dastardly and Muttley
Pokemon Bicurious and Heteroflexible
Pokemon Dylan and Petty
Pokemon Simon and Garfunkel
Pokemon, Pokemon and Pokemon, the lawfirm that Roman Polanski uses
Pokemon Copy Pasted News Headlines and Random Song Lyrics
Pokemon Bono and Bob Geldof Geldof
Pokemon Bono and Bob Geldof
Pokemon Moe Ponk and Ken Pomo
Pokemon Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong un
wondering how well Pokemon Gay Porn version would actually sell
drinking plenty of fluids to thin the mucus in your lungs
teabagging your hardboiled cockney turtles
having a cold and sounding like Muttley when you laugh lately
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you total them
we can never explain
Pokemon Avocado and Orchid
Pokemon To Be and or Not To Be
Pokemon Tim Tin and Peter Nippers
having no way of knowing that when you had wasted lots of time your new friend, a sweet but chaotic ex, said he didn't want to teabag Raymond Burr as you sprink champagne out of a shoe, he was paid in kroner
Pokemon Left One and Right One
Pokemon Insomnia and Priapism
sprinking chocolate chips on your reliable and beloved car as you total it
Pokemon Anagrams and Gay Porn
the separation of church and stairs
Pokemon Yes, No, and Haven't Done It Yet
Pokemon Top and Bottom
Pokemon Regrets and Comments
Pokemon Why Am I Racist and Old Jewish Man Stereotype
Pokemon Racist British Bandit and Anonymous Lurker
Pokemon Suzi Finer and Lisa Allarde Johnson
Pokemon Pirates and Smugglers
Pokemon Bra and Panties
Pokemon Bizarre and Striated
Pokemon Church and Stairs
Pokemon Dumpster Behind Steak n Shake and Bathroom at Church
Pokemon Beloved and Waffletastic
Pokemon Breasts and Cans
Pokemon Jaylala and Ryan
Pokemon Lickjobs and Dinosaur Sex
Pokemon Chocolate Chips and Danish Remoulade
Pokemon Pepper and Burr
Pokemon Stephen Fry and Go Ikeda
Pokemon Breasts and Turtles
Pokemon Meeting and Teabagging
Pokemon British and Scandinavian
Pokemon Girl Who Looked a Lot Like Christina Ricci and Girl in Second Grade
Pokemon Shoe and Chimp Anus
Pokemon Alive and Dead
Pokemon Lithium and Lolcode
MR MIME used SPRINKING! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Pokemon Holding and Kneading
Pokemon Earthworm and Ginger Root
Pokemon Polanski and Savile
Pokemon Fisting and Docking
Pokemon Cunnilingus and Anilingus
wondering if you can breed a panther and Tony Dancer to get a dancer
wondering if you can breed a panther and a cougar to get a pougar
wondering if you can breed a panther and a tiger to get a piger
listening to Tiny Tiger with Tony the Tiger
listening to Tiny Tiger with Tony Danza
listening to Tiny Dancer with Tony Danza
rightside up
umop apisdn
Myke Grylls
Bear Hawke
Pokemon Bear Grylls and Myke Hawke
I don't believe that man's ever been to medical school!
I CUM in PiES!
no thanks to the plane, many of us are still alive
what's with her
this lesbian bar doesn't have a fire exit
Deep Throat Blue Velvet horse bicycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every wife beater
Deep Blue horse bicycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
deep horse bicycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
deep cycle marine batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
artillery batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
batteries inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
inside Myke Hawke, on every beat
inside your head, on every beat
being all out of jelly puppies
being all out of jelly babies
Fifty Shades of Insect Overlords
egos ran
no rages
The Trekkies of BDSM
Goreans
Stream Highlight The Eiffel Tower Story
the eh is implied
you're so fine I want you mine you're so delicious
not using refried beans because you forgot to get refried beans because normally when you make enchiladas you have refried beans in the freezer from when you make a big batch, but you don't have any refried beans, dumbass
making mintbread and enchiladas
that callbot, seriously
flicking her left one until she had a breakgasm
flicking your switch until the breaker trips
jacking the lights on and off repeatedly
jacking off for your rights for a while, then switching over to your lefts
jacking off for your rights
really having to jack off
really having to stand up
really having to throw up
really having to get up
eating that whole thing of vagina snot and throwing up in bed at TWO in the afternoon
still being in bed at TWO in the afternoon
something about the phrase "vagina snot rodeo ego" making you want to throw up
something about the phrase "vegan tandoori goose" making you want to throw up
making an anazingly waffletastic vegan tandoori goose swandwich for lunch, eh
making an anazingly delicious vegan tandoori chicken sandwich for lunch
having to make mint orange enchiladas and bread marmalade today
having to make orange marmalade and mintbread enchiladas today
still being in bed at one in the afternoon
having to make orange marmalade, mintbread and enchiladas today
making an anazingly delicious tandoori chicken sandwich for lunch
never visiting them at home
being so, so glad that you don't have "relatives from the nudist colony"
that your relatives from the nudist colony seem to run the full spectrum between stoic acceptance and constant arousal
the death of Encyclokafephile Brown
zeitgeist lung tumor rape rapists
wondering what the etiquette at nudist colonies for random boners is, like, do you have to conceal it, or does everyone pretend it's not there or what
shouting "LOOK EVERYONE! ZEALOUS TRUMPETING TIGER RAPISTS! SOMEONE HAD BEST CALL THE AUTHORITIES!" at the entrance to the zealous trumpeting tiger rapists' hideout when they are all inside
Tim Curry is among Hollywood's most talented and versatile actors
the death of Encyclopedophile Brown
pulling out all the stops and ruining your organ
the death of Encyclopedia Brown
feeling iffy from fisting Sylvia Browne on an icy bridge for thirty six hours
using the word "sausagetastic"
the death of Sylvia Browne rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
your sausage is ridiculous
fisting Go Ikeda in the bathroom at church
how dare you insult my sausage
shouting "LOOK EVERYONE! NAZI PIRATE SMUGGLER PROSTITUTES! SOMEONE HAD BEST CALL THE AUTHORITIES!" at the entrance to the nazi pirate smuggler prostitutes' hideout when they are all inside
it doesn't even braid
yours, not mine
not being sure your sausage qualifies as 'amazing'
feeling like whenever anything happens that even slightly confuses you, you relentlessly discover the truth, like some kind of monomaniacal boy adventurer tracking down nazi pirate smugglers, before shouting about it very loudly
The amazing Sausage Index
feeling bad for pointing it out
remembering the heady days when this was less of a sausage index
anyway, I'm glad you pointed it out, because now we know there are at least three of us
I had assumed you wrote nine oh seven two five, but I didn't think you had actually worn just a bra and panties to the beach, rather that you saw a girl wearing just her bra and panties to the beach or something
you're allowed to question other people's sexuality, probably
it actually explains nothing, but I was kind of resigned to it being just the two of us
this explains a lot
I didn't write nine oh seven two five
misreading "nine oh seven two five" as "nine oh seven five two"
I'm not gay
I am a dude and shit, but it was just like "why the heck is this effeminate girly boy so popular when he is onscreen with a hunk"
wondering what nine oh seven two five is about if you're like a dude and shit
Benedict Cumberbatch Kids
Legolas was a bisexual veal ally
remembering watching Star Trek Colon Into Darkness and wishing that they had Benedict Cumberbatch wear Ricardo Montalbon's old costume, but now, upon seeing shirtless pics of his translucent torso, being glad they hadn't
doing a google image search for "Benedict Cumberneck's batch"
never understanding why all the girls like a man who is more than thirty percent neck, since he's basically just a mobile, grossly overgrown vocal chord
doing a google image search for "Benedict Cumberbatch's neck"
seeing Benedict Cumberbatch's neck, mostly, on the sidebar of the Lord of the Rings wiki and wanting to change every instance of 'black' on the Crebain page to 'colored'
Crebain from Cumland!
pumping dull objects too large to fit into a crow's mouth into Mordor
anything shiny and small enough to fit in a crow's mouth
one does not simply pump into Mordor
that, in hindsight, the key to becoming a male sex symbol in the late nineties and early aughts was looking like a pretty girl
sometimes he just shoves him down in the ashen road to Mordor and pumps away
sometimes twice nightly
nightly
Frodo has Sam
Legolas was sexual labia valley
yeah, but so was Frodo
Legolas was sexually available
never understanding why all the girls liked Orlando Bloom so much when Viggo Mortensen was clearly hotter
Viggo Horiah Mortensen
not even having kids, except that kickass hotkid you had last weekend
for all we know the Celebrity Regretter is Taylor Hanson
not even having dogs, except that kickass hotdog you had last weekend
and how many news headlines has HE anagrammed
yes, but does he have dogs
urge to kill, rising
that Taylor Hanson is not only four years younger than you, he has a beautiful wife and children, and an annoying song stuck in your head from his childhood pop career
Viggo Moriah Hanson having sex with Taylor Hanson who looked a lot like a girl
on a mountain of diapers, in the castle of bouncing, sitting on a potty of weewee
Viggo Moriah Hanson
having sex with Taylor Hanson who looked a lot like a girl
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Taylor Hanson
it's not Hanson's disease yet
it's Hansen's disease, not Hanson's disease
messed that one up
wearing just your bandana to the busty rap, cheerio
Crazy People's Annual Convention
Hillary Clinton slammed multiple times by Pog at CPAC
wearing just your Spain bond heartbeat tech
she's such a whore hag
Hillary Clinton slammed multiple times by GOP at CPAC
wearing just your ad pants to the Caribbean, eh
wearing just your nips and eat bra to the beach
wearing just your bean and tapirs to the beach
wearing just your bra and panties to gym class on the beach
wearing just your bra and panties to the beach
I do not in fact see
I see
The amazing Rugrat Index
Leprosy cases in FL blamed on armadillos, Mmmbop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du bop, ba duba dop Ba du Yeah
Leprosy cases in FL blamed on armadillos
going on a June foray into June Foray
presence of whalers on the moon
absence of strong radio beacons, television broadcasts, robotic spacecraft, obelisks on the moon
going on a June foray with June Foray
terreuruil
using a stick of dynamite as a dildo, neo figuratively, whoa
using a stick of dynamite as a dildo, neo figuratively
using a stick of dynamite as a dildo, figuratively
BJ KentY
DJ KentY
that's what they call Kento
PARTY collision
POST ironically
Also I can no longer have ANY friends until ALL of my F's are ALL brought up to C's and up!!!
So back off before I get another good woopin like I got last night
I am not aloud to have a boyfriend no time soon
Li estas plej konata por Eiffel Towering Kento Ikeda kun rosmaro
ironically
all the social media sites Kento has joined, presumably post ironically
the regret index shows up on the second page of results when I google Kento Ikeda
genuinely wondering if we have contributed to the shittiness of Kento's life but then thinking we're not even on the third page of results for his name, and then noticing that some results may have been removed under anti pornography law in Europe
waiting around for people who have no idea when they will be Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
waiting around for people who have no idea when they will be ready
genuinely wondering if we have contributed to the shittiness of Kento's life but then thinking we're not even on the third page of results for his name, and then noticing that some results may have been removed under data protection law in Europe
who at him ass, who took him ass, PS I'll eat him ass
eating the big frozen microwave enchilada
who ate him ass
ass ate him
eating the big enchilada
wondering how many texts Kento gets from Chris Lydon each day that start with "Ikeda, come here, I need you"
Chris Lydon wouldn't waste time saying hi
wondering how many texts Kento gets from Chris Lydon each day that start with "hi, ass meat"
hi, ass meat
it's a shame
movies don't do very well
entertainment has been consolidated into half a dozen franchises
wondering if they will reboot George Lucas if the new Star Wars movies don't do very well
imagining a world fifty years down the road where all of entertainment has been consolidated into half a dozen franchises that each release a three hour massive special effects shitshow every month before rebooting at year's end
Myke Hemicale Romance
#rebootLeonardNimoy
wondering if they will reboot Star Trek again now that Leonard Nimoy isn't there to make the older Trekkies feel included
having impure thoughts about a vulcan Winona Ryder
My Chemical Swan
having impure thoughts about a vulcan Jolene Blalock
kids stuck in chemical swan
dogs stuck in finger machines
Incest Taco Bell
dogs stuck in claw machines
Incest Tacos mixed with mom colon in a fifty gallon bathtub
kids stuck in claw machines
In the future, everyone will be world famous for fifteen minutes
that was stupid
Coca Cola mixed with Mentos mints in a fifty gallon bathtub
I have been and always shall be teabagged by hobbits
Dildo Tea Baggings
Bilbo T Baggins
porking Leonard Nimoy in Hobbit Hole VII
imagining Leonard Nimoy saying "no mister Frodo, no! You know it tastes like lembas bread!"
drawing a picture of Leonard Nimoy cramming hobbit pork into his mouth
Your potential regret of him has already been added!
Lives in a hobbit hole and everybody knows
With his long wooden pipe, fuzzy woolly toes
There's a brave little hobbit whom we all admire
In the middle of the earth, in the land of the Shire
drawing a picture of Leonard Nimoy flooding Kento's hole compartment
it's fine, Spock, these guys, are just, extras
drawing a picture of Leonard Nimow wearing a gold and blue dress riding around in Professor X's kind of yellowy orange hover wheelchair
you'll flood the whole compartment
Leonard Memoy
Leonard Nimoy returns from grave, irradiated and enraged, seeks revenge on WABC
getting so many calls from that Private Number that you're almost tempted to pick up, even though you know it's just a phonebot
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as Christopher Lydon
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as Christopher Walken
t being the loneliest bagging that you'll ever do
t bagging the wobbliest key on your keyboard
being he wobblies key on your keyboard
t being the wobbliest key on your keyboard
English As Murder She Wrote
English As Murder She Wroe
Walkin' American Broadcasting Company
getting googlewhacked by a Hungarian hooker in the dumpster behind Goulash n Shake
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as a 'Star Wars' actor, I'm walkin' here
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as one of the Little Rascals
WABC News misidentifies Leonard Nimoy as a 'Star Wars' actor
being lain by a whore hag
it looks like what a Hungarian hooker would wear to her pimp's googlewhacking
eating Spock
not eating Spock
I know well who I have to make
your masturbation schedule getting out of hand
Paralympic Gold
Kento Ikeda
licking tapenade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
English As She Is Spoke
the death of Alimony Drone
being slain by a whore hag
your masturbation schedule getting out of whack
that it's twenty five twenty five, holy shit, TWENTY FIVE TWENTY FIVE, is man still alive
that it's forty thousand, holy shit, FORTY THOUSAND, in the grim darkness there is only war
that it's AD twenty one oh one, holy shit, TWENTY ONE OH ONE, why the hell is war beginning
that it's twenty fifteen, holy shit, TWENTY FIFTEEN, where the hell have the last eleven years gone
being Spock
not being Spock
it looks like what a Hungarian hooker would wear to her pimp's funeral
the dress is ugly, that's all that matters
Young Sherlock Colon The Legacy of Doyle
getting the regret "that it's twenty fourteen, holy shit, TWENTY FOURTEEN, where the hell have the last ten years gone" and thinking "ayup"
the death of Leonard Nimoy
growing
Pillory Chintzon
The act of simply placing the penis into the vagina with no actual tapenade involved
The act of simply placing the penis into the vagina with no actual thrusts involved
tapenade
Hillary Clinton Jokes That She's Overtired & A Whore Hag
chintz
A widespread urban myth is that Mr Ass Gasp Pa is used by swingers to advertise their presence to other swingers in the area
A widespread urban myth is that pampas grass is used by swingers to advertise their presence to other swingers in the area
a feral population of the greater rhea in Germany appears to be growing
that your uncle used his llama to guard his flock of rheas and emus
the post credits scene of Thelma and Louise where Detective Slocumb throws a tarp over the bodies and walks away
Pillory Clinton
that if Hillary actually were overweight Bill would have never cheated on her #GoAheadAndUseThisJayLeno
that if Hillary actually were overweight Bill would have never cheated on her
avendo nunzio eccentricita
Hillary Clinton Jokes That She's Overweight & A Hoarder
having nonzero eccentricity
that your uncle owned a guard llama and when it died he just threw a tarp on it and left it there forever
like Thelma and Louise if Thelma got lassoed and put inside a truck and Louise was still running free and also was a llama
Peak Clam
Peak Llama
Peak Llam
ordering a couple co sides
like ape crotch
being thrown out of an arboretum for pining
being thrown out of an arboretum for having terrible oaks
being thrown out of an arboretum for having a lark
weeing on crackers in New Zealand, wee cracker
New Zealand, wee cracker
Zen Anal Dew
New Zealand
the raped pile wipe smell that suddenly started emanating from you
the weird apple pie smell that suddenly started emanating from you
putting my cock in Myke Hawke
putting Tom Thumb in your tom yum
being thrown out of an arboretum for saying unpoplar things
"The ingredients were so fresh and there were dice in the dressing!"
giving the world its hugest dump
giving the world its loudest fart
I'd rather sail away, like a swan that's here and gone
impossible
giving the world its saddest sound
Some genius has finally invented vegan sand that doesn't taste coarse and rough and irritating
Some genius has finally invented vegan cola that doesn't taste like ape crotch
Some genius has finally invented vegan chocolate that doesn't taste like crap
this tastes like crap
If Fondant Boy Found In Yolo County During Search #YOLO
Body Of Infant Found In Yolo County During Search #YOLO
the mere suggestion that Hayden Christensen would be able to keep sand out of his workplace since it is well known for getting everywhere
our waiter had sand in his vagina
the very notion that Hayden Christensen would work in any restaurant contaminated by sand
waitress was okay
Haytin Christensand
when the soup arrived there was sand in it
waiter
Our waitress acted like he was too busy writing Are You Afraid of the Dark Question Mark synopses on Wikia to take our order
"The ingredients were so fresh and the dressing was delicious!"
writing "was delicious" and a recipe on the title page of The Last Unicorn
they call it resting but it's not
he probably doesn't have a lot of time for luxuries like spell checking or grammar between orders coming up
your Greek editor, Mark Synopses
he's keeping busy
actually admiring Hayden Christensen for writing all those Are You Afraid of the Dark Question Mark synopses
being followed by two almost identical spambots on the same day at the same time and wondering why they bother
not being able to fault the enthusiasm
She tells the siblings that it was the Umbra who was posing as her and that the umbra gets his victims in his cabin and when she got there after she thought was a cute guy from the ski patorl, she found he already drained the ski patoller that she follwe
Gina returns back to normal then the next morning Kirk and his sister get Gina out of the cabin and they head back to their house for breakfest and now that the umbra is gone, no one will be victiams of that monster ever again then Gina promises never to
A school in Sydney paid tribute to a teacher alleged to be a "serous toilet moron" with an inscription on its memorial gates that read "la douche slut, eh"
being absolutely becroggled
A school in Sydney paid tribute to a teacher alleged to be a "notorious molester" with an inscription on its memorial gates that read "he touched us all"
Getting Robotic Minecraft Steve Hand Jobs
Getting Robotic Steve Jobs
Getting Robotic Hand Jobs
Getting Robotic Hands
the umbra was stealing her life force and she told them that he do'sent like light so Kirk ran off to get the fuse box going but it do'sent turn on so there must be one outside so Danielle says she'll stay with her best friend
The Tale of Bigfoot Ridge
Chris Brown 'denied entry into Canada' forcing the singer to cancel two concerts in Montreal and Toronto
Three Guys in Austria Have Basically Become Cyborgs After Getting Robotic Handjobs
Three Guys in Austria Have Basically Become Cyborgs After Getting Robotic Hands
your girl likes to be my kiss pate, be my kill pate, be my hold pate
eating swan pate, the pate made for swans by swans from swans
realising as you hit enter what thrill pate probably is
sounds promising
your girl likes to eat my thrill pate, eat my thrill pate, eat my thrill pate
developing an smart phone ap to start your frack
developing an smart phone ap to tsk your fart arc
sucking her tall one until she killed you with the other tit
developing an smart phone ap to track your farts
your girl likes to rape my tall tit, eh, rape my tall tit, eh, rape my tall tit, eh
that seems unpleasant for all concerned
your girl likes to rape my lethal tit, rape my lethal tit, rape my lethal tit
frigs pink nuts
spurting finks
stufing sprink
sprinking stuf
usig stuf
usig a burning torch or slow match to ignite a saucisson
that seems unfortunate
your girl likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time
j'accuse
you are Kento after all
all day, all night, ram in my ass
proctology
bracketology
also that
West Ham fans sing anti Semitic chants and tease disabled people after mocking racist Chelsea mob
Fresh Pork Fans Allow a Black Menthol Onto a Train
smelling Salma Hayek in a hayrick
what to believe in
all day, all night, Miss Mary Ann
the lesbians have come over with considerable dignity and you've come over as an arsehole
watching I, Kento even though Wal Smithrus is cheesy in it just for the scene where the rogue fat gay asian exclaims "I DID NOT MURDER HIM!" and falls off his chair
Kento Ikeda will return in You Only Get Fucked As Many Times As The Walrus Wants
West Ham Fans Allow a Black Man Onto a Train
no sax before a fight
The Curious Cans of Mr Kento Sex Cum
spilling cans of Mr Kento sex cum
filling cans of Mr Kento sex cum
selling cans of Mr Kento sex cum
selling profane accessories
profaning
staining
profiling
styling
I really hope not
wondering if wordsmith dot org keeps a record of all the things people anagram
hitting Chris Lydon with a can full of Mr Kento sex cum, eh
hitting Chris Lydon with a sock full of human excrement again
hitting Chris Lydon with a sock full of human excrement
the death of Chris Lydon
thinking about how perfect it would be if lOOk could be "the death of Chris Lydon"
hitting someone with a sock full of human excrement
Harvard Collage
Harvard Colledge
drawing a picture of Kento being hot carled by Carl Reiner and a Steller's sea cow
I was thinking about something involving Kento having sex with old men and sea mammals for lOOk
lOOk
the death of Jimi Heselden
wondering if you have anything planned for the big one hundred thousand, which I am now styling lOOk
queefing squid's milk like ants
queefing squid's milk like anal driven Rico at a PETA convention
queefing squid's milk like ans
you queef like anal driven Rico
you quiver like a candle on fire
revvin' up your engine, listen to her howlin' roar
radar, radar, radar
mi fai pazzo
you might wind up restricted and over seventeen
feeling the weight of something beyond them
if you're not really here
some people might say your life is in a rut but you're quite happy with what you've got
after the dream of falling and calling your name out
opening up your eyes and seeing what is in store
one who keeps tearing around, one who can't move
another me and another you
their pearly teeth are flickerin'
a stone cold feeling inside
the best damn woman that you ever seen
cream getting on top
beautiful garbage, beautiful dresses
saying boys, forget the whale
the noise an ostrich makes
oxen, sheep and wheat and rye and land on the north seaside
carousing her top tits
patriotic stoner hugs
rotten haircut gossip
action girth postures
hugest artistic porno
catnip risotto gusher
capturing its hooters
trusting coho pirates
guitarist chest porno
angriest ostrich pout
goat sphincter suitor
prehistoric goat nuts
trout shit cage prison
rotgut penis chariots
antichrist ogre spout
trashier cunt goo spit
scouring hot rape tits
erotic rapist gunshot
neurotic rapist ghost
hating torso pictures
prostitution charges
Hanahan police officers arrest Ariel the Little Mermaid on prostitution charges
Do do do do do de do do do do do do do do do Hanahan police officers tried to do their part to stop the encroaching weather by arresting the Snow Queen, do doo de do do de do do de do do de do do doodle do do do doo do!
Hanahan police officers tried to do their part to stop the encroaching weather by arresting the Snow Queen
Myke Hawke pulling out of Dafuq prematurely
Adele Dazeem Dafuq Geldof
reading Reading Lolita in Dafuq in Dafuq
you gotta bring the bread to the table
wondering if there is a place in Iraq actually named Dafuq to add to the list of amusingly named places
malarial intelligence
though espionage seems sexy to outsiders, much of it is rather quotidian
you, my darling, my beautiful, my wickedly talented Idina Menzel
Sasha Serova,
MIsix plotted to recruit nuclear spy in North Korea reveals intelligence leak
errant commas,
Kento Ikeda,
Yegor Mangelov,
PS I'll find my frog
It's hard to really hear her voice with all the jigaboo music that she does, or whatever you want to call it
Who gave this son of a bitch a green frog
eating an entire shit smeared spotted dick
Who gave this son of a bitch a green card
the chokey chubby chew
When you are taking a shit in the upper tank, she's giving you a blumpkin while taking a shit in the bowl
U do this to a girl u hate when ur about to climax shove her over and the jizz in ur hand and when she tries to get up shove the jizz in her nose and run away it is called this because u humiliate her twice
when a girl is having sex with two men, whereas one is thrusting his manhood in her ass, and the other man is penetrating her vagina
shitting simultaneously between your legs simultaneously
The act of taking a shit while another is sitting on your lap and shitting simultaneously between your legs
Taking a crap in the upper part of a toilet, then in the bowl, forcing the owner to flush in dismay, and in stench
Poopingham Palace
taking a crap covered double decker bus to the diarrhea soaked Tower of London to see the feces caked beefeaters
really wishing you'd paid more attention in French class and could have spent the nineties making jokes about Inspector Walrus
Kekento morsi
London is already shit blasted London
London blasts shit like a pendulum do
Pokemon Pork and Menthol
the whole world will be shit blasted London
whether you like anuses or not
if you got to France you'd expect to enhance fresh pork, for instance, and you'd expect to see menthol in anuses whether you like them or not
if you got to France you'd expect to be Eiffel Towered, for instance, and you'd expect to see guys who look like Janice Dickinson whether you like them or not
if you got to France you'd expect to hear French spoken, for instance, and you'd expect to see snails on the menu whether you like them or not
the whole world will be blind and toothless
checking out Myke Hawke while Vanilla Ice's DJ revolves it
turnabout is fair play
checking out the hook while Vanilla Ice's DJ revolves it
being conspicuous by your absence
being back in GOP form
care bear snot
cave devil snot
coveted anvils
votive candles
being back in pog form
Kekento mori
accidentally getting your balls chopped off by a riding lawnmower
shaving a Gogoat with a dairy ass
hating a Gogoat with a dairy ass
hating a guy with a dairy ass
a guy with a hairy ass dating
dating a doll with a hairy ass
carbon dating a guy with a hairy ass
dating a guy with a hairy ass
a food sifting shake
Fisting Shades of Oak
Fifty Shades of Oak
wondering if Chris Lydon would play Professor Oak in the live action Pokemon movie
Blowrus
Blowgoat
walrus style
wondering how a male Gogoat uses Milk Drink
wondering what Kentogoat tastes like
gochicken
wondering what Gogoat tastes like
Prism Tower is based on the real world Eiffel Tower in Paris, France
Pokemon Eiffel Tower and Champs Elysees
Pokemon Peter and Nippers
Pokemon Onion and Tapir
Pokemon Lithium and Danish Remoulade
Pokemon Waffletastic and Breastgasm
Pokemon Shoe and Anus
Pokemon Breasts and Anus
Pokemon Sweet and Chaotic
Pokemon Reliable and Beloved
Pokemon Sucking and Sprinking
aux Champs Elysees, aux Champs Elysees
Pokemon Brian Peppers and Sylvia Browne
Pokemon Cans and Buttocks
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's left one as you knead it until she had a breastgasm
Pokemon Jewel and Christina Ricci
Les Champs Elysees
taking a million pound dump
Fortune Colon Million Pound Giveaway
The improbity fills the world
He big in nothing important in good elephant
He is in my behind
do not want
The Backstroke of the West
if I looking for frog
where's my elephant
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon snaking his bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis down Panthro's throat
using the word "Panthrotastic"
being raped by the hugest panther
being ripped by the tiniest tiger
German panel on tiny tiger ripped for not including Jews
German panel on its mini mates ripped for not including Jews
German panel on tiniest imams ripped for not including Jews
German panel on Sim Anime Tits ripped for not including Jews
not really wanting to find out
wondering if American and British Abraham Hicks disciple nutjobs get into heated arguments about whether they should use a singular or plural verb when discussing Abraham, like that whole "the comittee has slash have" thing
that's more than is required
New York City Fey Garb Crate Lovers
that's redundant
translated from a group of non physical entities called Abraham
New York City Racy Fag Beret Lovers
that's superfluous
that's redundant
New York City Gay Craft Beer Lovers
a classic example of why people hate tangents and, increasingly, they dislike horsewhips
a classic example of why people hate a ghost and, increasingly, they dislike newsprints, eh
a classic example of why people hate Washington and, increasingly, they dislike the press
German panel on anti Semitism ripped for not including Jews
the death of Ahmad Givens
breaking yourself
Myke Hawke and Routh Eonglaende
According to the prosecution's witness testimony, Routh may have been inspired by Chandler from the nineties sitcom F#R#I#E#N#D#S
According to the prosecution's witness testimony, Routh may have been inspired by Kramer from the nineties sitcom Seinfeld
I think it's a good regret, I laughed, but how could we possibly explain WHY it's a good regret
wondering how long it would take to explain to a newcomer the elaborate process that led us to think that "tapir violence at an onion brothel" was not only acceptable to write, but also pretty good
what are we doing here
tapir violence at an onion brothel
progretting
sexual violence at a goat brothel
a tapir onion damage mop
Opinion RAPE MADAM GOAT
Operation DAPINO GRIGIO
Operation DAPINO GAMMA
watching a Japanese horror anime performed in Japanese but set in England in which you are taken out of the action every time Mr Big sings the ending
dashed soles
headless sod
bizarre, striated, earthwormsaddlelike shoes
saddle shoes
kid bandaging
oid bandaging
bottoming for Beef Blastbody and Beef Worthfoxy in Something Beef Inside VII
bottoming for Beef Blastbody and Beef Worthfoxy in Where's the Beef VII
eating Beef Worthfoxy jeff jerky
having dicier sex and a raw pinball, eh
a dang big dong
dodging a bang
eating Jeff Foxworthy beef jerky
dog bandaging
point of odor, Lisa stinks
Olympia Mykehawkis
Ducke Hawke
Duck Hunt
premature regretulation
excellent regret timing
poor regret timing
having a weird and inexplicable rash
I imagine I would have a better relationship with my nonexistant sister than you have with your real sister
having a sister and not knowing how to do her
taking the realest shit
having a sister and not knowing how to do hair
wishing you had a sister so you would know how to do your girlfriend's hair
French braiding three spaghetti
being TWO spaghetti
eating one spaghetto
having a physical scuffle in a hostel situation, if you know what I mean
slamming Kento's dick in the car door
Canadian innuendo, eh, eh
drawing a picture of Ms Wadded Noggin nosing Mr Nut while he beams Peter Nippers
An expression that explains how a joking or friendly conversation suddenly took a turn for the worse and is escalating towards a hostel situation and or a physical scuffle
this shit just got real
delight in the shade of nosing Mr Nut, eh
delight in the shade of the morning sun
falling out of favour with averse women, eh, eh
falling out of favor with bigger sea creatures
I can and shall obey
falling out of favour with heaven somewhere
learning to say 'please Eiffel Tower me with a walrus' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'please Eiffel Tower me with a walrus', that may be all I need to know"
learning to say 'I hate my foreskin' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'I hate my foreskin', that may be all I need to know"
A fire has swept through the Torch skyscraper in Dubai, one of the tallest residential buildings in the world
learning to say 'will you have sex with me for money' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'will you have sex with me for money', that may be all I need to know"
learning to say 'where is the bathroom' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'where is the bathroom', that may be all I need to know"
powergretting
learning to say 'I love you' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'I love you', that may be all I need to know"
What you might call pictotechnology
I am one of the first four Martians to arrive on your planet
Louisiana incarcerates one in seventy five adults
docking
you tell me
what's wrong with YOUR foreskin
it was a joke, is what I'm saying
it was kind of like "well, why do you want to be Jewish" "I hate my foreskin"
there's nothing wrong with my foreskin
pregretting
what's wrong with your foreskin
preregretting the regret "what's wrong with your foreskin"
this fucking foreskin
wishing as it happens you why not were wouldn't you know it Jewish, oy vey
wishing you were Jewish
all quietly singing songs to keep itself happy
sometimes having moments when you worry that all that inner child psychobabble is literally true and inside your adult mind is the horrified, petrified remnant or if you will 'backup copy' of your infant mind at various ages
being woken early and having "Blood on the Risers" stuck in your head for over an hour for no apparent reason, but feeling distantly that it was the soundtrack to whatever you'd been dreaming about, then having "When the Red, Red Robin" replace it
five two five three two
Turkish Star Wars Fatalism
that you would not characterize yourself as fatalistic or pessimistic but, even knowing your reasons for believing your life would be curtailed, you would have to consider that you perhaps are pessimistic
having variously thought you would be dead by thirty five, thirty, twenty five, twenty one, eighteen and sixteen at different times in your life
understanding that linear time is a thing but still managing to express shock at its continuation
finding it hard to believe it really has been two years since the Disney buyout
holding on louchely
holding on loosely
figuring that you would have been dead by now
that it just kind of hit you now that this is the year the new Star Wars comes out
nut, maybe
never quite identifying what it is that you sometimes eat which gives your poop a nutty odor
I've written regrets from my phone whilst taking a shit before chestnut trees in bloom smell like sweet perfume
ordering the Licky Fritters at Steak n Shake
guessing that most people who have recently eaten at Steak n Shake wouldn't be able to make it though an entire lick job without a case of the green apple splatters
pleading the fifth
or the Steak n Shake dumpster
hopefully this was not in the Starbucks bathroom
I have also regret pooped
I've written regrets from my phone whilst taking a shit before
chestnut trees in bloom smell like sweet perfume
life can be so easy
just being is bewildering
that the other day as you sat down to take a dump you realised you've got into the habit of taking your phone with you and reading, and would probably take calls there, an act which disgusted you when your friend at school did it
Pope Pious Pooped a Pack of Processed Pork Pies
pious pope pious poop
pope poop
we could go to the woods and check his poop, then wreck his poop
wondering if the Pope eats a lot of popecorn
pooping in kind of a lot of regrets over the years
managing to typo 'plopping' and pooping in the same regret even though you specifically tried to fix the typo
managing to typo 'plopping' and 'pooping' in the same regret even though you specifically tried to fix the typo
caging Go Ikeda's balls
spooning s'lamar poops
lovespooning Jewel's boobs isn't it
Caged balls indicated the number of children hoped for
The earliest known dated lovespoon from Wales, displayed in the St Fagans National History Museum near Cardiff, is from sixteen sixty seven, although the tradition is believed to date back long before that
ploping a poopping rook on a rock in Piping Rock
pooping a rock in Pooping Rock
pooping a rock in Piping Rock
kind of wishing porn was something that you physically collected, so that you could find a spider and put a spider on it and somehow monetize Spiders on the Porn, but not really wanting to buy any porn
piping a rock in Piping Rock
rocking a pipe in Piping Rock
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by a Boston Brahmin and a Brahma bull
Locust Valley lockjaw
Ms Wadded Noggin being your least favorite Eldest Worm Girl character
You're the Swan Now Kid
Evolution 'largely unsuccessful because the movie has too many comedic misfires'
Evolution "favours bigger butts and it can not lie"
Kento 'flavours bigger baculums'
Kento 'favours bigger baculums'
Kento 'favours bigger sea creatures'
Evolution 'favours bigger sea creatures'
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Tater Tot Waiter Plots
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Provide Peanut Butter To Big Red Dog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Eiffel Towerings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Ms Wadded Noggin
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Man Sandwich Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Mewing Dad's Dong
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Caterpillar Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Goddamned Wings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Young, Hot Little Girls Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Hot Dog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To You're the Man Now Dog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Swan Kid Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Slumdog Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater Yo, Man Dawg Weddings
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Man Kid Weddings
shoe sausage
Pat Robertson Suggests Companies Will Be Forced To Cater To Man Dog Weddings
polish sausage
shoe polish
Superfish on Friday
Friday! Friday! gettin' down on Friday
now realizing why there are metal detectors at the entrance to Roman Polanski's villa
Friday! come speed me home again
that 'young, hot little girls' can best avoid being raped by carrying automatic weapons
Superfish CA test
back in the nineties, you were in a very famous tv show
listening to Step One by Steps nude
watching Step by Step Nude
watching Step by Step nude
living hand to mouth
making money hand over fist
always checking, then wrecking, your stool
always checking rooty soul
always checking lousy root
always checking your stool
staring at your poop when you have the runs on hold
holding your poops when you run up the stairs
holding your bobos when you run down the stairs
Dog the Bounty Hunter
kakapeeing yourself
toddler kneeing
puppy ankling
pussy footing
of course I'll be happy to come in through the front entrance, as long as you're there on the other side
drawing a picture of an elderly Kento being set upon by Hand Job Robot Polanski
it's just you
it's probably just me
probably not though
maybe in a way we're all racist
thinking you're right and I probably am the Racist British Regretter
being slain by a fakakta golem
buying Shalom Life for the Babave Shoid and Halva Orgasm recipes, but also reading the articles even though they're the usual content light celebrity crap
Kento is fever in bum, like constantly
Shalom Life is where you get all your Jewish drink recipes
finding the fact that there is a magazine called "Ham Follies" inherently amusing, but also giggling a little bit about someone being "Fever in Bum"
Number Five is some kind of fakakta golem or something
Number Five is alive, and currently weighs seven hundred pounds, oy
finding the fact that there is a magazine called "Shalom Life" inherently amusing, but also giggling a little bit about someone being "Number Five"
must have been all the neckbeards complaining that she needed to bulk up
Gadot currently weighs five hundred and thirty pounds
Shalom Life ranked her Number five on its list of "the fifty most talented, intelligent, funny, and gorgeous Jewish women in the world"
he just never stops fucking you
I WOULD COMMENT BUT I CAN'T, THANKS TO ROMAN POLANSKI
discovering that there is a Fatworld game but it is probably something the Fatworld community would disapprove of
SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
wondering if you could monetise your near total lack of appreciation of popular culture by renting yourself out to follow celebrities around and make it look to actual stalkers like they already have a creepy, middle aged man interested in them
in vegan veal veritas
wondering how much money David Bowie could make renting himself out to follow people around, making them look butch in comparison
in vegan veal
in veal
This is ourselves
This is our last dance
Navel I
Alien V
watching some good friends screaming "let me out!"
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it
waxing a chump like a candle
flowing like a harpoon daily and nightly
Former rap and proble lawyer Vanilla Ice
proble
if you got a proble, yo, I'll solve it
Xenagrams
zenagrams
thinking that is pretty much his imbued lessons
thinking that is pretty much his business model
wondering how much money Adam Sandler could make renting himself out to follow people around, making them look much smarter and funnier in comparison
using dickies and sad queer man
actually thinking Vanilla Ice was kind of funny in that Adam Sandler movie you saw him in, not great, but kind of funny in a bad movie
Former rap and home improvement star Vanilla Ice
suicide kings and drama queens
Vanilla Ice arrested in Florida burglary rap
it's your kids, Marty! They're wrecking each other's bases in Minecraft!
watching pitch bent and weirdly cropped episodes of Star Trek or indeed any other show on YouTube and wondering what the scam behind them is, exactly
I did it with swans, swans got irate
by association
These key collectors threaten any attackers by fiercely jingling their keys at them
anti immigration party propaganda units, coming over here, taking your unfunny slightly bigoted jokes, making you feel bad by association
public school education, Guardian reading vegan
The Daily Express has been censured by the Independent Press Standards Organisation for publishing a "significantly distorted" article claiming UKIP was ahead of Labour in an opinion poll
Forty Whacks with a Grey Noodle
A Mulish and Dictating Girl
Industrial Light & Magic
Dr Sir Rolf "Pap Smear" Jew Lint
Dr William "Snapper" Foster Jr
the snag in kilt
confusing Egypt's shy king with snag in kilt
confusing the Gypsy Kings with the Latin Kings
A similarity was noted between Obama, who was thirty one and working as an attorney in Chicago at the time the video was shot, and an Atlanta hired extra who appears in the clip
being really disappointed that there just isn't anything funny on Dakota Johnson's wikipedia page
hearing the jizz wailers on your way to the Temple of Spooge at Disneyland
Dakota Johnson and the Kingdom of the Pisshole Skullfuck
not doing it with swans when you had the chance
that came out wrong
I did it with swans, people got irate
wait, didn't we already do this
Dakota Johnson and the Temple of Spooge
that if you were ever to make a XXX Indiana Jones parody series, the protagonist would be named Dakota Johnson
it's not up to him, he sold up to Disney years ago
wondering if George Lucas will sue Dakota Johnson for infringing on Indiana Jones's name
Dakota Johnson is hosting the next episode of Saturday Night Live
forgetting how to waste lots of time in Mexico and consequently totalling your sweet but chaotic nutter
Dakota Johnson Admits She "Stole Lots of Underwear" From Fifty Shades of Grey Set, Says They Were "Comfortable"
she messed around with a bloke named Smokey
eudiometry
Scouse Annie had a child
Scouse Annie can eat a big brown bag of Scouse
Scouse Annie can eat a big brown bag of
Scouse
Annie can eat a big brown bag of
my book written by me is gonna kick your dick off
China is helping
the bread becomes toast in your mouth
China's plan to construct an army of toasting oral robots did nothing to stop the Hand Job Robot Apocalypse
oral robot toasters
toasting Oral Roberts
the plane would never reach China, because "China is toasting oral"
Intifooda
the plane would never reach China, because "China is also rotating"
it's fingers time
I can't live with or without vomiting
without vomiting
Michael or Sarah
trying to sex Palin
trying to expalin
something divvying up the girls something Prince Andrew something Bill Clinton
something dizzying up the girl something Roman Polanski something Bill Cosby
Goo Goo Jets
Goo Goo Sharks
divvying up the girls
Goo Goo Guys
dizzying up the girl
wondering if there is a good starting point for Goo Goo Dolls or if they just had a couple of good songs
Cops Always Poop, Eh
there's not much difference between a dungeon and an island if you're trapped within either
Whoops Apocalypse
where are these beaches where beautiful people are having all the sex
maybe I just want to be able to go to a beach in the future without vomiting
I can't expalin why I thought the dungeon would make it more palatable
fifty shady grey old men having rough sex with teenage prostitutes
mouse inlet
I knew it was an island, I guess I just couldn't imagine Bill Clinton and Prince Andrew taking turns punching a thirteen year old in the face while the other one does her from behind on a beautiful tropical beach, and just assumed they built a dungeon
always having thought it was Kento who read language log
it wasn't a sex dungeon, it was a sex island on which the teenagers are known to have been stranded
every American citizen traveling abroad becomes a subject in regard for kidnapping and then the plight of how much money has been captivated in the Boca Raton group
I think we can agree that flogging a woman for the crime of being raped is probably a lot worse than accusing a doughy rich man of going to a sex dungeon frequented by other doughy rich men
Kind of having some sympathy for the guy for being possibly falsely accused but also feeling like he's not that bright and he probably did do it
To be publicly and falsely labeled as guilty of sexual misconduct is as wrong as flogging a woman for the crime of being raped
not being sure you've ever even been on a private beach
never owning or even renting a private beach
it may have been four years ago
Washington Monument is very manly, has hot young girlfriend
saying "I'd kind of like to go to Israel, just to see it, you know, while it's there" as a joke five years ago, and never even getting around to it
Washington Monument is not shrinking, except for this one bit
getting a kitchen extension to go with your convertible
your tiny, emasculating kitchen
not remembering where you talked about it, but someone else having pretty much covered the whole threesomes thing slightly before you arrived anyway
thinking that bedding four women at the same time would be an incredibly stressful situation, like being in a tiny kitchen cooking four dishes at the same time all by yourself and they're all burning
spooning Jewel's boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs boobs
plenty more fairy tales
if that's some form of dare you should be aware that I have plenty more fairy tales
once posted, twice shy
I once posted an entire fairy tale in the form of regrets, with commentary
that's what I did
I once posted
that's the worst regret I've ever written
yeah but I might run into URWIN
guessing that you could get some grief sex if you hang out around Copenhagen synagogues
hard to make a stew when the meat keeps calling you a creep
food thinking you're a creep lately
feeling a little bit tender because of the women that give you food thinking you're a creep lately
booking a flight to Copenhagen to go stand around eating sausages in case some thirtysomething women recognise you
are you sure you're not Kento
just a wolfish shogun right before bed
just howls of anguish right before bed
sucks to be you, all not sobbing yourself to sleep after night noodles every night for the rest of what feels like eternity
I'm involved now
not hooking up with the one legged cello and poker playing Janice Dickinson simulacrum when you had the chance
just dial Iceland and ask around
at least you can still catch up with her if you want to
just in case you were wondering, none of the endless parade of one legged, cello and slash or poker playing Janice Dickinson simulacrums belonged to me, and this is the first previous relationship I've really ever mentioned here
what you call winter, she called breezy
she slept naked even in winter
they're all hot though, good grief
dricoson is an Icelandic word meaning bank manager
the amazing Regret Index doesn't have the full Icelandic character set so you'll have to excuse me using d's as d's
she was hot though
the cousins were in Iceland, so it was probably just a cruel joke
remembering a brief college fling with an Icelandic exchange student and her inviting you to have group sex with her and her THREE cousins, and still wondering if it was serious, or if she was kind of mocking you, or if it was a language barrier issue
considering the amazing Regret Index your own personal Ulysses, farty bum smell
that if you had been more on the ball you probably would have checked the number written on the balloons
The Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man Drunkenly Subsisting on Danish Fast Food for a Whole Week
drunkenly subsisting on Danish sausage for a whole week as a young man
carrying balloons in Radhuspladsen
drunkenly subsisting on Danish fast food for a whole week as a young man
they're probably both thirty now
because you assumed they were prostitutes
not sharing your sausage with the two cute giggling teenagers carrying balloons in Radhuspladsen
it's hard to be on all the time
they just aren't coming today
something something Julian Assange something something two teenagers asking for a bit of sausage
something something Danish candlelight vigil something taken out of the action something paid in sausage
you would die too if it happened to you
watching footage of the Copenhagen vigil and being mostly distracted by being able to pinpoint the place in Radhuspladsen where two teenagers asked for a bit of your sausage one time
it's my party and I'll die if I want to
shedding a tear for Lesley Gore
the death of Lesley Gore
may I see it
David Borealis, at this time of year, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen
Ben Affleck eats grapes
just now realising you've been calling him David Borealis all these years
getting to where you should be going
Scooter T Rocketboy
Power Rangers Dead Men Tell No Tales
Power Rangers Pig in the City
working part time in a five and dime, your boss was Debbie McGee, she told you several times she liked your kind, not a lot, but she liked them
Power Rangers SVU
hello look at verry nice porno vid ok
She Mayo's Eve
easy moves, eh
yes have some
WickedPodcastah asking if you want to watch him Eiffel Tower on cam
that sounds slightly more appealing
NikkiCheerleaderTX asking you if you want to watch her masturbate on cam
The women were charged with Aggravated Chinning
Three women were arrested at a Glasgow cinema at the weekend following an alleged attack on a man at a showing of the film Fifty Shades of Grey
So Macho, Jedi Knight
wanting to be So Macho
Everyone is agog for Atog
the year of the atog
the year of the goat
nothing less than the sign of Satan isn't it
I don't think I'd like that
HornyBiBoisixtynine asking if you want to see him cum
nothing less than the sign of Satan
donating over five hundred and fifty pounds of bacon sandwiches
Is Satan Labeled As Muslims
Moo Ass
I can donate some inhaled cannabis and cobweb if you all want!
looking up bacon sandwich on narbuidcanationaria
I can donate some bacon sandwiches and a bible if you all want!
having in the past tried to gauge the number of people still visiting the site from the stats of imgur images, but quickly realised that the information is inaccurate
wondering what writing one hundred thousand regrets alone without interruption would do to your mind
he has Ben Franklin's Disease
She is from Hawaii also a play on word of her boobs "Pair of D's"
For the Love of Ray J
i dot imgur dot com slash ZpnineMIZB dot jpg
wondering what's wrong with Chevy Chase
I'll steer this boat all the way to two hundred thousand if need be
no way
thinking if it's just you and me ten thousand regrets from now we should probably call it quits
T Bag's Christmas Turkey
the meat keeps looking up at you
T Bag Bounces Back
Turn on to T Bag
T Bag's Christmas Ding Dong
being bashed tinier
being some kind of tinier tiger
being some kind of tinier tenant
the early nineties kids show 'P Fag'
the early nineties kids show 'T Bag'
being some kind of anti internet
sometimes wanting to say mean things about celebrities and not doing so out of a concern that you will then immediately run into them and realise they overheard
mashing together two actors of different genders based on a similarity in names and having sex with them
honestly starting to think about sex with the horrible, unformed
honestly starting to think about sex with the horrible, unformed chimera Winona Rider Strong and having to snap yourself out of it
having impure thoughts about a teenage Rider Strong
not saying "replaced by extra soy" instead of "replaced by every day"
Girder Snort, Jedi Master
wondering how someone named Rider Strong could possibly avoid becoming a porn star
Mr Troll Wedgies, Jedi Knight
'Mr Troll Wedgies' Spoilers Colon Girder Snort's Nun's Wrath, Eh Now A Semi Regular
I believe I am free, let it free me
'Eldest Worm Girl' Spoilers Colon Rider Strong's Shawn Hunter Now A Semi Regular
it's not like years ago, the fear of getting fat, the reckless sodium levels, they cannot see me eating, these things they go away, replaced by every day
'Girl Meets World' Spoilers Colon Rider Strong's Shawn Hunter Now A Semi Regular
night noodles deserve a quiet night
that "eco rape avian trio" just sounds like some long forgotten Bicoid Babe slash kakapo slash Muscovy duck slash goose fanfiction
night noodles
la morse de Louis Jourdan
that "eco rape avian trio" just sounds like some long forgotten late eighties early nineties comic book
Operation AvarBZZZZZZZT
eco rape avian trio
Operation Caviare
Operation Avarice
la petit mort de Louis Jourdan
la mort de Louis Jourdan
watching Over the Hedge with Edge and The Edge while on the edge of your seat
wearing a prophylactic face
edging in a Ford Edge until you swerve into the edge of a hedge
being so on Adam Joseph Copeland lately
Nif Nif, Naf Naf et Nouf Nouf
Semper Morse Bono
being so on The Edge lately
being so on edge lately
characterising growing old as a series of humiliating discoveries about how easily misled you have been in the past, followed by swift revelation that you were in fact jumping to conclusions about having been misled and are, in fact, an arsehole
still though it's the principle of the thing
that on further inspection it appears Naf Naf was the name of the middle pig in Disney's "Three Little Pigs" Silly Symphonies when released in France, so you were not entirely misled
characterising growing old as a series of humiliating discoveries about how easily misled you have been in the past
being told as a child that in France pigs say "naf" instead of "oink" when in fact they say "groin"
getting Eiffel Towered by a naff cenote and a gremlin
getting Eiffel Towered by an officer and a gentleman
running into Kento at Odobenes and Narwhal
Harry Baals Drive
Harry Baals
Semper Morse Boner
wondering if Myke Hawke has ever met Ed Balls
Jesus wept
Semper Morse Boni
Semper Mores Boni
giving away woodenspoonprank dot info
the solid honours of the Wooden Spoon
Balls Colon People are worse off
je suis le podcaster
je suis le morse
je veux seulement l'oublier et puis je fume
je ne veux pas dejeuner
je ne veux pas travailler
Nazi Geordi would surely have been killed at birth
ordering Nazi Geordi instead of nasal geordies
ordering Nazi Goering instead of nasi goreng
it's like a bad day that never ends
Caboosey Theater
watching a meat elf and nine corn fag making out
watching an officer and a gentleman making out
Myke Hawkewurst
chicken tetracycline
bockwurst
that if Rebecca Le'gon advertised toilet cleaner she could be Harpic's Le'gon woman
chicken tetrazzini
I'm not getting in that dumpster with you
do you need a hand
wondering how many times Rebecca Le'gon has heard that joke
Britain's Missing Top Model
you go round the horn the way god intended
dying hard on play mode
playing life on flipmode
playing hard on life mode
halving priapism
eating nine melons
being nine lemons
having priapism
playing life on hard mode
eating nine lemons
The Furious Fans of Benjamin Buttocks
satiating your curiosity about canning with Benjamin Buttocks
giving Jewel the twat pisser process
giving Jewel the Swiss Water process
grinding Jewel's beans
spooning Jewel's grounds
liking your women like you like your coffee, with big cups and in your face
drinking your third cup of this terrible coffee and wishing you could somehow mold it into a woman, knowing that she would likely throw boiling coffee in your face
simultaneously having sex with walruses totalling over fifty five thousand pounds
pointless sexual conquests just to make it feel different and exciti
two four oh six eight
liking your women like you like your coffee, surprisingly bad on Valentine's Day
two four oh five four
not seeing the regret where you combined the weight of your sexual conquests
the amazing Regrets Posted Years Ago By People Who Have Long Since Moved On But Which Still Haunt You For Some Reason Index
wondering whether someone who has decided that scat is an acceptable and erotic pastime is more or less broken inside than someone who is reduced to combining the weights of their latest pointless sexual conquests just to make it feel different and exciti
liking your women like you like your prostitutes, over five hundred pounds
ah hah hah hah, ha ha hah
you big clown
even for a second
imagining that anybody who posts on the amazing Regret Index and has the money to regularly visit two prostitutes would not also boast about their combined weights in the same regret
your long running tradition of writing regrets in as long winded a form as possible, then instantly realizing that they're misleading and correcting them
jokes aside, I really did parse "women whom you see most weekends in a commercial capacity" as "prostitutes"
two different and unrelated "women" whom you see most weekends in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake becoming weird and distant in a way that indicates to you they think you're some old joke who's interested, even though you aren't really interested
two women who sell you food thinking you're hitting on or perving on them when you're not, or at least you don't think you are
two different and unrelated women whom you see most weekends in a commercial capacity becoming weird and distant in a way that indicates to you they think you're some old joke who's interested, even though you aren't really interested
bottoming for Go Ikeda in Easy Cum, Easy Go VII
hating your coffee like you hate your women, trampy
nightfall covers me
a female misogynist throws coffee on a tramp
Squeeze Gut Alley
lending your jam to a reformed jam former
favomancy
Orgia Odobenidae
lending your jam to a dishonest jam former
not knowing whether or not to order nine angry jam formers
not knowing whether or not to order nine jars from Germany
Panties Ponerinae
equites equo publico
contrology
Pontius Pilates
constructing a very large poking device
Ruth Bader Ginsburg had too much wine and fell asleep during the State of the Union
our jew albumin, eh
jumbo whale urine
Wikipedia not having a page for urine
Wikipedia not having a page for Urwin
new south isn't it
nailing Greg Urwin new south isn't it
nailing Greg Urwin, crikey
nailing Greg Evigan, omfg what a piece of utter ass shit
nailing Greg Urwin
nut mucking about as is your wont
no, but I'm thinking of telling people I nailed URWIN just for the hell of it
just mucking about as is your wont
wondering if you nailed the one legged Pakistani girl
you're mean
wondering if you are really from France, moved to France, or are just mucking about as is your wont
I'M NOT CROSSEYED
wondering if you're the crosseyed paedophile
which one is the racist one
unintentional existential questions
I didn't say you were, I was just trying to do a headcount of Brits, cheerio
why am I racist
I'm from France, by the way
wondering if you are the racist British guy
wondering if you are an anti commerce radical
knowing next to nothing about the other regulars, having simply busted in here four or five years ago shouting about Panthro
wondering if you have ever appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone
vaguely, and I mean VAGUELY, recalling that rachel's birthday was in June, and On My Own peaked in June
wondering if you have ever won any Oscars
making your mind up
actually remembering the music video from On My Own despite probably not having seen it more than a handful of times almost three decades ago
no, wait, I actually am thirty two
I'm thirty three
or twenty seven in the past six months
wondering if you have claimed to be thirty two recently
I am old, it's true
Kento was born in nineteen eighty eight, so it's not him
you're old
I thought so
Anita Ward, Ring My Bell
so there are three of us, at least
that you posted the retroj dot am regret but neglected to provide your own results
wondering if you were born in nineteen eighty six, at the time when On My Own by Patti La Belle and Michael McDonald was the number one hit according to retroj dot am
when I got here the place seemed pretty much dead
you'd know if I were the Kento
deep cover
maybe you are Kento
I am not the rachel
maybe you are the rachel
rachel was famous for not identifying herself, so maybe she is the vagina bearing mystery regrettor
possibly
Kento also watched Dick Van Dyke, so maybe it was him
wondering if you are the person who will probably be posting in seven or eight hours from now
based on her name, and all
guessing that was agenty fifty seven
nope, not me
wondering if you are the person who used to spend all day watching reruns and old cartoons
shit ass walrus swan rat's cocks
sending out handwritten invitations to Kento, rachel, agenty fifty seven, Bicoid Babe, Nerd Baby, Document, Pseudonym, the Celebrity Regretter and about three anonymous posters to witness the entering of the regret 'shit ass walrus swan rat's cocks'
wishing that we could have everyone gather here for the big underhand nude shoot
wishing that we could have everyone gather here for the big hard undone donuts, eh
wishing that we could have everyone gather here for the big one hundred thousand
there was also someone claiming to be a vampire with a penis, and
there was also someone claiming to be a man with a penis, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't Myke Hawke
it wasn't me, I'm pretty sure of that
a lady with a vagina, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't you
as recently as maybe December there was someone claiming to be a lady with a vagina, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't you
wondering if we should try and contact Bicoid Babe or agenty fifty seven or, gulp, even Kento and convince them to come back
wondering what happened to the regretter who thought that one of us had hacked them
literally just me
literally just you
there was that time where you were gone for a few days, and it was just me
I'm pretty sure it is
it can't just be the two of us left, surely
poking Myke Hawke on facebook
Myke Hawke will come where God wills it
I'd actually welcome the company, a little
you don't want Myke Hawke coming here, least of all in anger
great, now when people google Ruth England naked they'll end up here
that photo of Ruth England laughing and pointing at those naked muslims
Myke Hawke appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee
Myke Hawke administering rectal feeding
you do NOT want to be waterboarded by Myke Hawke
being honestly surprised we haven't ended up in Bantanamo Bay with all the talk of Myke Hawke
Some serious fun on the run through the heart of the dirty jungle about to go down!
Myke Hawke preventing world war three
wondering if James Blunt ever served Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke having the balls to get in your face and intimidate you
being drilled by Myke Hawke
wondering if that noise is just the pipes settling or another mouse
Myke Hawke forcing you to drop and give him twenty
eating Myke Hawke's emergency rations
Myke Hawke's purple heart
Myke Hawke pushing through the jungle to control the delta
Eiffel Tower Kento
Chris Lydon would just ride the walrus to wherever he chooses to Eiffel Tower Kento
getting gut shot by Myke Hawke
Myke Hawke going for the throat
Myke Hawke laying down suppressive fire
Myke Hawke's red beret
you've gone badly wrong in the past
being penalized by Myke Hawke
looking at yourself on the internet and wondering if you should be trying to pass as a human being or if that's maybe where you've gone badly wrong in the past
the same old tired lesbian joke you trot out whenever anybody ever mentions lesbians
looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror and wondering if you should be trying to pass as a middle aged lesbian, at least that way you'd have a roomie next week
not trying o
trying o
looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror and wondering if you should be trying o
Mayor Marty Walsh said Thursday the city is bringing in additional resources to construct additional pylons
Header overflow
He urged people who were going out to Eiffel Tower Kento with a walrus do so early and do so close to home
Mayor Marty Walsh said Thursday the city is bringing in additional resources to help deal with the expected snowfall
Cupid might need a snowplow to get around Boston, wicked pissah
Myke Hawke's Elite Tactical Unit
putting stents in a sack with Zack Stentz
Myke Hawke has a new survival book and kit for kids
it has been Myke Hawke's honor to serve some of the most elite warriors in the world
after six days active in a hostile environment, Myke Hawke was tired, dehydrated, and barely clinging to life
seeing Myke Hawke in the wilderness
Myke Hawke is a jack of all trades
No one was more delighted than "model" Kento Ikeda when the Guardian used his image to illustrate a sex advice column
The thing that really turns me on is the idea of having to lift their stomachs and search for their penises, which are always bizarre, striated and earthwormlike abominations in the eyes of god and man
I fantasise about group sex with old, scrawny podcasters
The image in question had come from a "Colds and Illnesses" shoot she did two years ago
The thing that really turns me on is the idea of having to lift their stomachs and search for their penises, which are always difficult to find and a bit on the soft side
Dumpo, the elephant who got dumped
demasiado ruido para tan pocas nueces
No one was more surprised than model Samantha Ovens when the Guardian used her image to illustrate a sex advice column
I fantasise about group sex with old, obese men
concealing a boner, if you know what I mean
Before the meteor hit the city, Lexi was trying out to become a cheerleader at Acmetropolis University
naming your Goodra "Goo Ikeda"
boning a concealer
concealing a boner
the very notion that Kento had friends in high school
Dude Love was inspired by a character Ikeda created when he and his high school friends did backdoor backdoor Eiffel Towering in his hometown of long penis
long penis
Dude Love was inspired by a character Foley created when he and his high school friends did backdoor wrestling in his hometown of long penis
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for piledriving Miss Daisy through glory holes
cactus jacking off mankind in Dude Love VII
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for piledriving Miss Daisy through tables
Dude Love was inspired by a character Foley created when he and his high school friends did backyard wrestling in his hometown of Long Island
Mankind, Dude Love and Cactus Jack
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for driving Miss Daisy through tables
During this time, Bubba Ray became famous for his penchant for driving women through tables
getting in Big Van Vader's big van and seeing his lightsaber
Big Van Vader, Jedi Knight
Big Van Vader
the attitude era
acid wolfpack
the name manati comes from the Taino, a pre Columbian people of the Caribbean, meaning "breast"
using bonemerang to bone a meringue
we forget to live
just having this kind of sense about things
not being a professional musician
also guessing that music is the intentional arrangement of sounds made by purpose built instruments
guessing, because you in no way want to represent yourself as an expert or more than casually versed in neurology, psychology or psychiatry, that people who like to poop on or be pooped on by other people do so because of some kind of innate compulsion
anally or limply chesty
wondering what has to break inside of someone for them to be able to enjoy either shitting on someone or being shat on destiny bond
wondering if you can get electrocuted jamming a fork into a USB socket, then carefully putting the fork down
physically or mentally
wondering what has to break inside of someone for them to be able to enjoy either shitting on someone or being shat on
destiny bond
belly drum
lovely kiss
bonemerang
that there are actually Pokemon moves named "harden" and "double team"
sleep powder
leech seed
submission
that there are actually Pokemon moves named "mud sport" and "water sport"
emptying your master ball
mudkipsing Carrie Fisher
wasting your master ball on something shitty like Carrie Fisher
I move that we end this one now before it gets worse
masturbating Carrie Fisher
baiting Carrie Fisher
motion seconded and Carrie Fishered
motion seconded and carried
I move that we end this one now before it gets worse
a couple of good hits, Mitt
just blacken her eye, Cy
there must be fifty shades to beat your lover
fading to fifty shades of grey
something something Fifty Shades of Grey Slammed something something Quivering Flesh something something Australian Today Show Host
Fifty Shades of Grey Slammed as ''Domestic Violence Dressed Up as Erotica'' By Australian Today Show Host
taking your anal survey back to the cruel anal lab for analysis
on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood as the prince of Bel Air
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of American McGee
sucking on his left one because he was diphallic
stepping out from a backdrop poster
Anal Survey, Jedi Knight
He got "Bonjour" down just fine, but he still always yelled to the cabbie "Go home, smell ya later!" when he left to sit on his throne as the prince of Bel Air!
anal survey
anal Surrey
anal slurry
reel of fug
Flee FourG
Feel of Rug
Glee of Fur
Le Gouffre
ba dum tish
it was a money shot
sucking the hardboiled cockney gumshoe's left one until he was paid in kroner
He got "anal slurry" down just fine, but he still always said "BOOM! Le jet!" when he left!
sucking Sylvia Browne's left one until she died
He got "Bonjour" down just fine, but he still always said "Smell ya later!" when he left!
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of American Zoetrope
sucking her left one until she looked a lot like Christina Ricci
sucking Twin Long Rods #Two's left one until it had a rodgasm
Chest Jab Goo, Jedi Knight
we should be married to ladies but we're braided to each other
Chest Jab Goo
Hoag's Object
we should be married to ladies but we're married to each other
sucking Benjamin's left one until he had a buttockgasm
sucking Raymond Burr's left one until he had a wafflegasm
ASIAN! an Asian musical
FAT! a fat musical
GAY! a gay musical
Panty ants should be illegal in pubic anyway
holding your boobs until you have a breastgasm
his only public appearance, with its almost singular focus on cheese
Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway
imagining George Lucas unwinding after a hard day's billionairing as he always does, with the music of Scooter
imagining George Lucas listening to house music
videotaping George Lucas watching House
imagining George Lucas watching House
imagining George Lucas watching life as a house
FBI jpg
kid jpg
dog jpg
i dot imgur dot com slash mhmZsevenxnine dog jpg
baillon Ronflex
fiscal stability, dogg
Ronflex
A Lieu of Ass, Eh
imagining George Lucas watching Life as a House and standing up, yelling enthusiastically "THAT'S who I want to be the leading man in my action space opera!"
the previous regret, properly rephrased, would make a great hook for a rap song
Dominique Strauss Kahn has told his trial for pimping in France that he is annoyed with persistent questions about his sexual practices and he would rather be judged on his economic record
ghost messages from BEYOND THE VEIL
checking your voicemail because you have a notification of a message and finding it empty, EMPTY
getting a missed call from an unknown number while your phone was muted and you were sleeping
Thangam Debbonaire
I'm really concerned about dinosaurs, and I think something needs to be done
Life as a House
The Year of Canada in the U and the UK in Canada, Eh
The Year of Mexico in the UK and the UK in Mexico
Tyler Perry's Gonorrhea of a Mad Black Woman
Ramon Antonio Gerardo Estevez
Cherilyn Sarkisian
living life like you're ill penises
Bareback Barbie
Barbieback ribs
Brokeback Barbie
Barbie Broke me
Sparkles mean I can do things!
mudkipsin' out of control
the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy, dairy land
snowballin' out of control
living life like you're sellin pies
the girls just DIE when you're ridin past
I thought they closed that place down
ballin' out of control
cleaning up a dead mouse from your bedroom floor at three in the morning while listening to what you would positively identify as the worst cover version of Icicle A of all time
the sex cauldron
cleaning up a dead mouse from your bedroom floor at three in the morning while listening to what you would positively identify as the worst cover version of Cecilia of all time
raving sex siphon
loving prison sex
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun in the summertime when the weather is high, honking at the honey in the centerfold in front of you with the light eyes ting tang walla walla bing bang
lending the honey to the bee
that they are
plump Arab beasts are alive
lending the honey in front of you with the light eyes to a dishonest beekeeper
breast pumps are available
just sucking on your left one until it happens
kind of wishing you could have a breastgasm
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun in the summertime when the weather is high, honking at the honey in the centerfold in front of you with the light eyes
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun in the summertime when the weather is high, honking at the honey in front of you with the light eyes
from heaven she'll rain down the Alton Brown, texture like sun
from heaven she'll rain down the sun
having pox sirens
having sniper sox
shaving prison sex
Anti Ant Rape Panties
not having prison sex
Ant Rape Ad
having prison sex
ol' Kento likes sex with old men and animals well
Tare Panda
I should have just dipped into the ol' "Kento likes sex with old men and animals" well
I get it
I'm asking because I made a kind of tasteless joke about the victim of systemic political and religious corruption would enjoy having prison sex
I guess what I was wondering was whether or not the cultural touchstone of "ooh you're going to prison, better not drop the soap in the shower" thing exists over there
the incidence of prison rape in the UK is sometimes said to be as high as in the US, but as with the US there's some dispute over what is rape and what is consensual coupling later reported as rape when the prisoner returns to normal life
right wing commentators still unironically say things like "sending the gays to prison is like a holiday for them" but it's hard to be sure how seriously these people are taken
wondering if you have the whole "prison is a big manrape conga line" trope in the UK too
you may benefit from it's a bitcoin, Mario
being so poor you only have one saving
taking your saving out of bitcoin and putting it in bi tits coin
that every time you learn something new about any aspect of Fifty Shades of Grey you're just more and more confused that it sold at all let alone got made into a film
being banned from the bi tits arcade
you may benefit from a bi tits coin
you may benefit from antibiotics
hey little girl is your tampon in I'm gonna flush it down the toilet and shag you again mmm hmm I've got a bad first person narrative, oh oh oh tampon scene
having a bad cough for two weeks and your freaking abdominal muscles hurt like hell
penalizing Kento
being clitorized
being penalized
and then there's Maude
suicide is painless
"It's a small price I have to pay, if I have to go back to jail nearing my seventies, then it's 'que sera sera,'" he said
Malaysia's top court on Tuesday upheld the conviction of opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim on the charge of sodomizing a former political aide, prompting criticism from human rights activists
finding out that your favorite piece of music of all time is going to be the soundtrack for a porno
wondering if anybody has ever served in a capacity that made their name more ironic than Edward R Gay
a special five man tribunal which has come to be called the "Secret Court"
omitting the preposition from a sentence but not really affecting the sense
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered Warren Towers and The Towers
Delta Delta Delta
grime to deal with your eyes
always thinking RuPaul is Kim Jong un's special friend even though you know it's Dennis Rodman
Deso Kidd
wondering if "varicose promiscuity" was Rue McClanahan's secret service codename on the set of Golden Girls
viscera, either
grime to deal with
your eyes
frankly this place is a mess
there's still the capricious vomit, irruptive corgi cum and caustic grime to deal with
our gimp doesn't have to spend all day cleaning up copious grim viscera, either
Deso Dogg
our gimp gets paid much better than Tom Cruise's
getting a job as Tom Cruise's gimp
a corrupted cavity filled with Cruise's or our gimp
a corrupted grave filled with your soup criticism
a corrupted rug filled with varicose promiscuity
a corrupted gay soccer trio filled with pi mu virus
a corrupted privy filled with our so caustic grime
a corrupted ass filled with irruptive corgi cum, yo
a corrupted rump filled with scary vicious goiter
a corrupted pussy filled with cigar courier vomit
a corrupted surgery filled with capricious vomit
a corrupted curry filled with victim urea piss goo
a corrupted yurt filled with copious grim viscera
a corrupted yurty filled with copious grim viscera
a shitty mouse
reading the regret "a corrupted cave filled with corgis' sour impurity" and breaking into God Save the Queen as tears well in your eyes
a corrupted sorority filled with ipecac virus gum
a corrupted cave filled with corgis' sour impurity
a corrupted vag filled with icier citrus syrup, moo
a corrupted tipi filled with sugary corrosive cum
a corrupted city filled with various crime groups
being the Chandler
The One Where They Try to Undo All the Horrible Plot Turns They Made in the Last Two Seasons
The One Where Chandler Spams Up the Regret Index With a Bunch of Fake Friends Episode Titles
The One Where Rachel Would Like To Be Sorry But All Her Patience And Compassion For That Man Ran Out Years Ago And She's Met Somebody Else Already
The One Where Ross And Monica's Mother Dies And Ross Shoots Himself In The Garage One Night
The One Where Monica And Chandler Fight Because Ross Is Some Kind Of Asshole But They Can't Agree Which Kind
The One Where Rachel Screams At Ross While He Drinks In His Underpants In The Den, Which Is Really Just A Beanbag And An Old TV In The Garage
The One Where Ross Buys a Handgun
The One Where Ben Comes Home From College With Two Pregnant Lesbians Who Have No Intention Of Letting Him Raise Either Child
The One Where Ross Drinks In His Underpants In The Dark
The One Where Joey's Surviving Siblings Spit On Ross and Chandler When They Arrive Two Years Too Late to Pay Their Respects
The One Where Ross Finds Joey's Addresses and Numbers For the Past Ten Years on Chandler's Desk and Tries to Call Joey, Becomes Obsessive and Enraged When He Can't Manage a Simple Task, Tracks Down Joey to the Funeral Parlor and Has a Moment of Pathos
The One Where Ross Comes To Stay Because Rachel Kicked Him Out Again Even Though He Won't Admit It and He Gets Drunk A Lot While Chandler Just Nurses a Small White Wine and Turns in Early
The One Where Chandler Can't Reach Joey On Any of Joey's Numbers or Emails or Whatever
The One Where Monica Tells Chandler She Saw Phoebe and Chandler Gets Nostalgic and Guilty About Losing Touch With Joey
The One Where Phoebe Bumps Into Monica and Hears All About How Ross and Rachel Just Fight Constantly Now That the Glow Has Faded and They Reminisce About More Carefree Times
The One Where Ross and Rachel Fight Over Whether They Should Write the Christmas Cards Tonight or Watch That CSI So They Can Free Up Some Hard Drive Space and Then File for Divorce Before They Realize They Could Have Done Both and Reconcile Acrimoniously
D#I#S#T#A#N#T#F#R#I#E#N#D#S#
the power is there at your command
The One Without Joey
The One With Joey's Crippling Hospital Bills
The One Where Joey Starts Chemo
The One With Joey's Prostate Exam
Munich is poised to allow the small brass Holocaust memorial plaques known as 'Stolpersteine' to be placed on the streets
oh the weather outside is frightful, but the walrus is delightful
wondering if it is too late to make a Let it Kento joke involving iced salami
wondering if it is too late to make a Let it Go joke involving iced salami
wanting to make Kento an iced salami latte for his birthday
A substance described as "white stuff" and "milky rain"
Iced Salami Latte
See Mysterious 'Milky Rain' on Cars in the Northwest
You'd have a jungle huntress dressed like a French maid, or a minotaur dressed like a cowboy
just google "iced salami"
ChipotlAway
I'm asking for a friend
which bar
she still does
not remembering the time when Kate Middleton worked in a bar as a prostitute but being willing to roll with this revision of history
Chipotle Colon The Definitive Oral History
in the joke I made about the iced salami, I was invoking the often used "salami is penis" trope, and implying that Kate Middleton's vagina is frigid and inhospitable
having yak edema
Idiot's Lap Came Joke
Nobody wants to see Joey at his prostate exam
try and beat it if you can
that's the current top iced salami joke
a man walks into a bar and asks for an iced salami, the bartender says "sorry, Kate called in sick to work today"
not registering topicedsalamijoke dot com
sitting here talking to you
having a key made
standing in line for a movie
Matt LeBlanc told Prince William and Prince Harry to fuck off
I'm halfway to my grave, and I haven't accomplished anything
Top Iced Salami Joke
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Fist Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Hit Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs
The One With the TIE Fighter Special Edition CD Twins
we are TIE Fighter Special Edition CD twins
medical patio jokes
I actually do have the CD of TIE Fighter Special Edition
oiliest madcap joke
capitalism ode joke
damn it
topical medial jokes
I'll let myself out
optical media jokes
having the CD of TIE Fighter Special Edition
having the eye of the TIE fighter
off brand Viagra, Dick Vitale
Dick Vitale says Virginia fans 'Love their hoes'
Edwards' dad, Daniel Edwards, is an experienced sculptor who has made celebrity themed pieces such as one depicting Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez naked save for a Canadian maple leaf and Texas "lone star" concealing their respective nether regions
SpongeBob Sniperpants
Sniper Squarepants
American Spongebob
I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire 'Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar Louder, louder than a lion
They say I am a virgin on a stallion, mounting a stallion my Dear Leader gave me, all my life I will live to uphold his name
'SpongeBob' unseats 'Sniper' at weekend box office
Over one million British people have signed up to a website that helps them arrange extra species relationships
it's like your fridge is full of chardonnay on your wedding day so you get a bigger fridge
it's like chardonnay on your wedding day
it's like when your fridge is full so you get a bigger fridge
not being married but thinking extra marital relationships are probably a good idea, because that way there's always someone to pick up the kids or help move the couch or socialise with or whatever
Over one million British people have signed up to a website that helps them arrange extra marital relationships
it's waffletastic
imagining it's varying degrees of braiding, threading, and waffling about their pet projects
wondering what kind of twisted mess of sex organs Chris Lydon, Mary McGrath, Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer, and Kento produce when they get busy
a graphic novel of Kento actually fellating a pinniped
The line "it looks like you've blown a seal" was changed to a graphic description of Kento actually fellating a pinniped
The line "it looks like you've blown a gasket" was changed to a graphic description of Kento actually fellating a car exhaust
The line "The boys say they want some gin and juice" was changed to "ice cream"
The following is a list of aquatic mammals mentioned in Ikeda's song, in order
The following is a list of feminine names mentioned in Bega's song, in order
having the hugest duty
it's my duty
you really went above and beyond
I would have gone with Wanx Club and called it a day
Bi Sex Crew Colon The Cunt Milk of the Dong Slot
hold on, I can do better
Sex Crew Colon The Milk Slot of the Bi Dong Cunt
Straffi has noted that it was difficult to animate the girls' hair correctly in threeD
Winx Club Colon The Secret of the Lost Kingdom
i dot imgur dot com slash ZfiveCfiveqnineH jpg
David Faustino
at least he seems to be enjoying it
i dot imgur dot com slash zBtrtwoES dot png
i dot imgur dot com slash NJvmqZi dot jpg
poor Milhouse
everything's coming up Milhouse
you won't regret it, no no
he is a foreign man
love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
he holds no currency
he doesn't speak the language
seeing angels in the architecture, spinning in infinity, saying amen, hallelujah
I could say "ooooooooooooooooooh" and everybody here would know what I was talkin' about
someone you shouldn't've fallen in love with
Cannery Angel, Jedi Knight
the nearer your destination the more you're slip sliding away
cannery angel is the centerfold
cannery angels
the fortune telling lady has even taken all her things inside
putting the blame on mame
impressive snatches from an opera
unimpressive snatches from an opera
to be thus annoyed with the ringing in our ears, or rather in our memories, of the burthen of some ordinary song, or some unimpressive snatches from an opera
na naaa na na na naa, dee da do dee da do da do da
Since Jenkins didn't initially tell police the video was fake, it's also a Class D felony
if your daddy's poor, my angel is the centerfold
if your daddy's poor, London is inviting you out to a meal
if you're poor, London is inviting you to quietly fuck off
Neil Sedaka
Neil Cicada
Neil Cicierega
cockatrices in your codpiece
swyverns
The Norfolk gent his will and Testament and howe he Commytted the keepinge of his Children to his own brother whoe delte most wickedly with them and howe God plagued him for it
Why don't you piss off, you horrible little swan
Why don't you piss off, you horrible little man
wyverns feeling iffy from BERYLLIUM
wyverns
feeling iffy from BERYLLIUM
cuntatrices
cockatrices
the ants that is not the panties
the ants, that is, not the panties
having neither ants nor panties
wondering if the pile of dry garbage was related to the ants in the panties, becuase I definitely remember them
because seriously there were regrets about dry garbage and the Lion King and all kinds of shit and honestly, you thought that was happening here
wondering if there is another amazing Regret Index which exists entirely within your own head, and which you spend your dreaming life adding to and are vaguely able to remember when you wake up
feeling sure you'd mentioned the dry garbage before but now feeling like you've had a stroke
finally getting rid of that pile of what was basically dry garbage
wondering how often the words "you must apologise for the crimes committed by neckbeards" are said by hookers at Comicon
a manchild wearing a Spider Man costume is forced to apologise five times for crimes committed by neckbeards
a child wearing a Spider Man costume is forced to apologise five times for crimes committed by Moroccans, while a blonde toddler is forced to say sorry for the actions of Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik
trade unions funding "undemocratic and anti British" protests "to stop UKIP speaking"
wondering if they'll get JJ Abrams to direct the Battlefield Earth reboot
there's an image
throw L Ron Hubbard in that mix, too
Gene Roddenberry always reminding you a lot of George Lucas, in that they were both men who were much better at promoting their products than creating them, and whose creations succeeded in spite of their contributions rather than because of them
deciding to go to Roddenberry's office and "nail him"
I called him, told him I wanted to come speak with him, and then I went to his office to chew his ass out
keeping warm
Deed I is me old cock, and long may your big jib draw!
pouding chomeur
kissing the cod, eh
TransFattyGayAsia
Donaldkacsazas
the Mesoamerican ballgame
Meat Loaf
TransAsia
as long as you agree to a safe word beforehand, it should be OK
Pope says spanking OK with conditions
They had no right to go boom, boom, boom, boom I want you in my room
They had no right to go boom, boom, boom in my ear in that honky tonk fashion
Bad Null Skunk
boners of contention
bones of contention
Paul Schrier, The Perfect Body
Schrier and Narvy
Bulk and Skull
I'll say
Amy Jo Johnson, The Perfect Body
ska timpanis
Pakistanism
I tank assassin, again
Giannis Anastasakis
hectoring Kento's father with Gojira
Yale bans sex between podcasters and walruses
wondering the operator of a Ferris wheel has ever skipped work and taped up a sign in the windof of the office of his Ferris wheel reading "sorry, Ferris wheeler's day off"
Harvard bans sex between professors and undergraduates
#BrianWilliamsMammaries
#PeterNippersBeamers
#BrianPeppersMemories
#BrianWilliamsMemories
yiffing the furry man in a marching band
putting bloody poo in a tin in a mere with Vladimir Putin
playing the fagott in a marching band
playing the ferryman in a marching band
playing the ferryman
not paying the ferryman
paying the ferryman
An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court, ay up me duck
For a kilo of onion, imported from Germany, I'm paying the equivalent of a bottle of good whisky
some people just don't know when to quit
An arrest warrant has been issued for a Leicester man accused of having sex with a horse and a donkey, after he failed to turn up to court
Iblis wears Prada
Fashion boutiques and beauty salons are the work of Iblis
wafflebagging Sylvia Browne
Penile fracture is twice as common when the woman is on top
slamming Raymond Carr in the bur door
slamming Raymond Burr in the car door
we've just crossed into this weird, comfortable, weird realm
we can never explain this site to anybody, can we
it was a one thumb Law of Morsebotics
how you even get a simple thing like the three imaginary laws governing the creation of all artificial walruses wrong, I will never understand
you're a terrible person and I can never forgive you
we're so done here
that was a failure, sorry
a morsoid must Eiffel Tower a human being or, through inaction, allow a human to not be Eiffel Towered
Lydon's Three Laws of Morsebotics
Soong type morsoids
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Walrusdata
Walrusdata
having sex with a girl who insisted that you were "the boss of her"
slamming your dick when you run down the stairs in church
Seran todos de "La Campola" y vinieron solo por el aloz y el petloleo
Giraffedata
O'Bonobo
drawing a picture of Kento being One Thumb Eiffeled by Chris Lydon and a bonobo
that's the one thumb Eiffel is not in the phone dictionary spelling
I would have thought that the muscle memory you and gained from typing Eiffel Tower so much would be infallible
wondering if that's the British spelling or something
double Eiffle Towering
trying to think of something which is better than Eiffel Towering
liking the anticipation of eating a Flake more than the actual experience
trying to think of something which is better than sex
the SEX fingers in the fist of destruction
the SIX fingers in the fist of destruction
the five fingers in the fist of destruction
the horror
the horror
Fist of Destruction
Jan's Hammer
Peppermace of Gates
Barnett presided over the proceedings to decide a course of action regarding cadet James T Kirk, who had been accused of tampering with the programming code of the Kobayashi Maru exam
Tyler Perry's Star Trek
eating that whole thing of consomme and beefing in bed
spilling a small amount of consomme on your bedsheets and now you smell like a steak in the morning
the Church of Santa believes many people had lied on their census forms because they "think it is jolly"
the Church of Satan believes many people had lied on their census forms because they "think it is funny"
Mighty Scats deals ten damage to target white creature
When Mystic Ghast enters the battlefield, target opponent discards a card
tighty scams
tits gym cash
my tight sacs
When Mythic Stags enters the battlefield, draw a card
mystic ghast
my tact sighs
Mighty Scats
Mythic Stags
Schmitts Gay
Refuel Homo Suds
House of Mulders
Jenny McCarthy's senatorial career rooting out autistic fifth columnists
Jenny McCarthy's punic career leading elephants over the alps
something something Jenny McCarthy's pubic career something digging in for a long siege something
wondering if Jenny McCarthy's public career will come to an end in tears and recrimination or tears and recriminations and a hail of bullets on the fortified ranch where the armed militia cult she secretly funded has dug in for a long siege
that is one of Jenny McCarthy's less crazy ideas
a number of people think semen tastes good, and that drinking semen is a good idea
Lieutenant Reg "Bintje" Broccoli
Geordie LaFadge
fadge
minge
clunge
I don't have the proper striations
you can't make me into Chris Lydon
I'm sorry, Chris
you probably don't have enough body mass
you can't make me into Kento
hi, Kento
I do suck
you suck
Commander Will Masher
well I've ruined it
Ensign Wesley Ricer
Transporter Chief Potatoes O'Brien
Captain Jean Latka Pickert
the phrase "fully functional" is underlined when discussing Tater
the USS French Fries is a Gnocchi class starship
learning to speak Knishon
bake it so, number one
Starch Trek The New Potato Generation alters the script of Star Trek The Next Generation scripts to celebrate potatoes
Starch Trek The New Potato Generation
putting male syrup on fried crepe
putting maple syrup on fried rice
Wlrs
AnimalsWithoutNecks
Dominique Strauss Kahn will today stand trial in France accused of big pimpin'
Jesus didn't rumba
Dominique Strauss Kahn will today stand trial in France accused of pimping
seeing a photo of Jason Frank with a tattoo that reads "Jesus didn't tap" and the t in tap is a cross, and losing all respect for the man
Ex Power Ranger uses fake celebrity nudes to groom children
remembering Amy Jo Johnson as the person who introduced your young, naive self to the concept of fake celebrity nudes
four four one six zero
never really watching Power Rangers at all, but still managing to have a thing for Amy Jo Johnson
I only export new bacon and ass pain, and I'm all out of new bacon
officials "don't want Israel to be seen all over the world as a country that exports new bacon and ass pain"
officials "don't want Israel to be seen all over the world as a country that exports weapons and cannabis"
he really uses rape porns
that the Wild Force season was pretty much the only Power Rangers you ever watched, and even then it was like half a dozen episodes
He's great to his dog, he's great to his people
guessing that most Hollywood agents who represent youngish latin men and who are named "Gar" are probably pretty flamingly gay
feeling iffy from cum as you are
having never heard Ricardo Medina's agent Gar Lester speak, so possibly
wondering if you wrote that last regret in Big Gay Al's voice because that's how I read it
he's a really super person
missing one hundred percent of the shots you never take
Ex Power Ranger uses zord to kill roommate in Palmdale
Ex Power Ranger uses sword to kill roommate in Palmdale
feeling iffy from come as you are
growing me genitals, matey, arrrrr
growing me your genitals
showing me your genitals
showing me your kettle
refusing to believe anybody likes Katy Perry
performers like Katy Perry
They're even searching the stages and costumes used by performers like Katy Perry
Hippopotamus Oath, Jedi Knight
showing me your mettle
coming and dancing every night to the hula melody
swiping right on Walr
your impacted walrus
your walrus pact
your hippopotamus oath
armies of engineers to construct additional pylons
armies of engineers to analyze the soil
Yes, I am the one who "threatened" Brianna on Twitter and else where, But those were RED HERRING threats designed to draw her out of hiding!
I was just racing, y'know like normal
this video, where man threatens the "Wafflepocalypse"
bombs
this video, where man threatens the "Wu Pocalypse"
a D Day style flotilla of solidarity with Fellow Human Beings who have fled the blood and torture and killing and more blood and bombs
getting the bends
a dog
dog a
ok computer
having to pour boiling water over your genitals and a trannie hooker in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
getting a snowy blowy from an Eskimo hooker in the dumpster behind Muktuk n Shake
the bends
getting a snowy blowy
getting all icy, why I'll
if his daddy's rich, take him out for a meal, if his daddy's poor, Eiffel Tower him with a walrus
getting a chilly willy
if her daddy's rich, take her out for a meal, if her daddy's poor, it's about ethics in gaming journalism
the dice was loaded from the start
when the weather is fine, you've got men, you've got men on your mind
stretching right up and touching this guy
Area Doctor Found Guilty of Criminal Malpractice Over Bitch's Untreated Coconut Water Induced Hyperkalaemia
you must feed the pork to the kid to proceed
Area Doctor Found Guilty of Criminal Malpractice Over Girl's Untreated Coconut Water Induced Hyperkalaemia
you must feed the pork to the dog to proceed
Carrying pork over the Nuuanu Pali
putting the coconut in the lime for a change
the right to sabra berets
the right to ass bra beret
the right to arrest babes
the right to bare breasts
the hated British are already infiltrating our National Guard with bikini models
stockpiling busty dames to corner the market
strategic reserves of busty dames
imagining a series of silos out in the middle of Montana somewhere designed to house and protect America's strategic reserves of busty dames
wondering how far Kento's plot to kill Mary McGrath, make a suit out of her skin, and take her place on Radio Open Source came along
there's a lot more old than ish
Chris Lydon's online dating profile
Tired, Oldish
Hitler's Dido
Their DD Silo
Their Dildos
too soon, swan
I am a hat, you are a shoe
eight eight eight eight eight
too soon, man
French Guys Who Look Like Janice Dickinson Home Alone With Their Dildos
Horny Moms Home Alone With Their Dildos
more fish for Kunta
I did not have dicks with that woman
haha Clinton dicks
HaHa Clinton Dix
never mind the b%qs
Leger Douzable
b%q
booq
qood
bood
SOS
doop
i l i l i l i l i l i
o%l%o
nunununununununununununu
Mi!W
!i!i!
'''''
'%,
&!&
%%
!#!
#$#
$#$
evening dancing with no regard for others
',,'
''"
'"'
"''
""
''''
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"'
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,'
',
drawing a picture of Kento being monster mashed by a Frankenstein and a Dracula
when you poo in the shower and then mash it down the drain with your toes
When a collection of monsters have a party and spend the evening dancing with no regard for others
A bowel movement of such density or ferocity that it feels to the taker as if he she were passing a tombstone
,
hello says the kid
hello says the dog
beis
lending your beeswax to a dishonest beekeeper
hede full of beis
Thumper
it was a graveyard smash
listening to 'Swan My Swan' on YouTube and then the suggestion of 'Swan in Motion' for a few seconds, and eight hours later having 'St Eiffel's Tower' play in your head, because it's some kind of sickness with you
minding your own beeswax
sour cream and onion
listening to 'On My Own' on YouTube and then the suggestion of 'Man in Motion' for a few seconds, and eight hours later having 'St Eiffel's Tower' play in your head, because it's some kind of sickness with you
'
apostrophes, even
random apostraphes
Myke Hurle
Stand By Meme
internet Me Mes'
My Me
Me Me
having both Stand By Me and My Girl mentally filed under "odd semen sours vagina's blood"
Stand By My Girl
having both Stand By Me and My Girl mentally filed under "bad odorless dong anus movies"
having both Stand By Me and My Girl mentally filed under "movies based around old songs"
The Octopus Underground changes lyrics of Velvet Underground songs to celebrate octopuses
not getting the Stand By Me thing and actually googling it to see if like John Hughes or Chris Columbus was involved with it or something
Octomom The Pagemaster
confusing Stand By Me with My Girl
Octomom Home Alone Two Colon Lost in New York
monkey wrenches
Otto Swanstrom
Octomom Stand By Me
French key parties
Octomom Home Alone
French keys
Now we're up to talking divorce And we weren't even married
On My Own, Patti La Belle and Michael McDonald
retroj dot am
The report described his liking for Dance Dance Revolution, which he played frequently for hours with an acquaintance at a theater which had a commercial version of the game, and also played the game at home
He was also worried about whether he was being monitored by the CIA during his years of activism on behalf of Indian causes
your friend or banging your sister's friend mom
banging your friend or your sister's mom
banging your mom or your sister's friend
MATT DAMON
your friend's banging mom or sister
I wish I knew how to quit you
the beard, the
DIE BART, DIE
banging your friend's mom or sister
swinging
feeling lithy from iffium
Ludacris Wins Full Custody of Thirteen Month Old Daugther
Myriad Profiteroles
not staying with your cat when the vet put him to sleep reading the prologue
getting annoyed at people you don't even know
all that cheese
that there are no tiny elephants to keep as pets
not staying with your cat when the vet put him to sleep
reading the prologue
all that indecision
trying that new soap that made your skin break out
doing all those drugs
not showering for a week
having a mental illness
your caffeine addiction
you have no idea how alone you are, Garfield
cutting off Nantucket
Powerful Snowstorm Buries New England, Cutting Off Nantucket
knish, yum
you can be either a fairy or a queen, it's wide open
this isn't going to stop until pictionary bans the word "windmill"
shiny Muk
MOINK balls
fudging Kento
deep fat frying fudge
rain on your wedding day
fudgeflooding
flooding the index with fudge and completely skipping over eight eight eight eight eight
a tempest in a teapot
rubbing fudge out in the bathroom at church
the fudge joke just sweetens the pill, get it, fudge, it's sweet, except diabetic fudge, you guess, although you've never tried it
best
not being sure if you want to leave but thinking it's probably for the fudge
picking fudge purely because it's a stupid sounding word
after all that not even having any fudge
not being a taking a break from internet sites kind of person, more of a so long and thanks for all the good times person, only without the so long, because who even wants to read a valedictory lesson from some online twat
plus you're kind of repeating yourself on song lyrics a lot lately, it's a good job you don't know that trick
not being sure you can do this any more, partly because of the fudge, and partly because of the negative associations it has for you, and also the fudge
I am fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge fudge fudge
fudge fudge
fudge
probably not the worst thing and you'd totally understand if they had their reasons and hey, you know what, maybe you walked in on them and not the other way around, but you had no idea if that were the where is this even going now
because if they were here that would be possibly the cruellest thing you could conceive of anybody doing to you in recent memory
killing time to make a time travel joke nobody will get because first of all, it isn't funny and second of all the only person who possibly could is not here and never was
I am sorry
this is not some kind of fudgedown
it isn't really about fudge
your inner fudge
releasing the fudge
jesuit's fudge
#jesuisfudge
fudging yourself
wondering if Pooh ever gets really mad and has to scream fudge everything because oh bother just doesn't cut it
white fudge on a dark background
fodg
deep frying boring healthy fudge
paying for a whole seat but only eating the fudge
flushing that gallon of fudge down the toilet
accepting fudge from strangers
needing a fudge infusion, stat
fudge ads
leaving the remains of that totally awesome fudge you bought earlier in your car in the summer
only remembering hours later that you should have asked how HER fudge was
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in fudge
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by fudge
all work and no play makes Jack fudge
misplacing your fudge and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably on the bus
falling into a fudge pit
being given the cold fudge
blah blah blah fudge fudge blah blah
Fudgey Shades of Grey
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable third fudge
eating fudge off of your own boobs
deep throating fudge
getting FOUR fish hooks stuck in your fudge
playing Dungeons & Dragons with fudge
staring at Bicoid Babe's fudge seriously
having a lesbian crush on fudge
The Curious Fudge of Benjamin Buttocks
sucking on her fudge one until she had a fudgegasm
saying fudge when you should have said yes
spooning Jewel's fudge
buying multiple copies of the book "Fudge" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
Twin Fudge Rods #Two
holding your fudge when you run down the stairs
memorising every Star Trek fudge
fudge style
not hooking up with fudge
hey guys, remember fudge
fudgecode
lolfudge
that ryan had to seek advice on fudge for his Xwindows problems
rubbing one out in the fudge at church
FULLY FUNCTIONAL fudge
not being fudge
sprinking fudge on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
slamming your fudge in the car door
Ryan Fudge
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan fudge
not eating out fudge
swan fudge
fudgebuster
having impure thoughts about a fudge Winona Rider
using the word "fudgetastic"
shoe fudge
that the killer what took me is fudge
having no way of knowing whether a new fudge, a sweet but nutty confection, is finished or unopened as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want any fudge, he meant it
meeting Brian Fudge
forgetting how to brake on a fudgey bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car
shooting Jackson C Fudge in the eye with a fudge pellet when you were a kid
fudgeposting
time is a fudgesicle
guessing you must be dumb because she had a pocket full of horses
returning from the wilderness only to find society transformed into a post fudge utopia
envying the fudgelanders
living on the fudgeless fringes of society as an outcast
losing all the rights and privileges of fudge
being declared unfudge
a black man looking in a black room for a blind cat that isn't there, and finding it
Dover Police DashCam Confessional
Science Has Fucking Amazing News for People Who Curse
a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it
Poprageous' Cumberbitch collection
time is a BUXOM circle
all particles must be bound to a finite volume
time is a flat circle
poor little fulled vagina
poor little vanilla fudge
penis bum ass tong tong fluid mechanics
penis bum ass tong tong fluid
unpacking the hugest fudge
milk, milk, lemonade, in the dumpster fudge is made
Unleashing the Dragon in the dumpster behind the Fudgery in Baltimore's Inner Harbor with three other young men
that there is no 'I'll give it a kento' option
being told that you sound like a burglar from Poland
being told that you sound like Puar from Dragon Ball
the tong song
that there is no 'I'll give it a go' option
her muck yen
my cheek urn
that there is no 'haven't done it lately, might have changed my mind since last time' option
boning mate's puss
busting one spasm
Ensign Bat Possum
penis bum ass tong
Myke Runche
passing bum notes
it's not clear at all, I apologise
Mr Crunch
it's crystal bloody clear
I don't know what you mean
playing Grocers and Lisps with Matt Damon, if you know what I mean
playing Grocers and Lisps with Matt Damon
Riker replies back with "meow"
Riker says to one of them, "How long have you two been together" and he replies "MATT DAMON"
Crisps and Oglers
chain voted 'dex
hidden taco vex
Growtherth and Lithpth
Grocers and Lisps
Girls and Corpses
Candide Thovex
Two Yuffs Two Many
Riker says to one of them, "How long have you two been together"
Photographs of rockstars with their parents
thinking it may be time to uninstall Shazam
TEN MILLION SHAZAMS CAN'T BE WRONG
something of a crazy uncle who hung around the house for no apparent reason
gold mansacks
the death of Ernie Banks
gold painting the scrotums of Goldman Sachs employees
the death of Gabriel Marcia Marquez
bang tidy head, isn't it
bang head
white fuming nitric acid power
drawing a picture of the explosives being Eiffel Towered by the addition of thirty percent acetone
meandering around Tate St Ives thinking about the explosives' arse for no particular reason
Ben ran his rough palm up Matt's back as they lay together, ruefully trying to find a way to express the problem "I wish I knew how to quit you" he uttered "MATT DAMON" his lover replied
finding it difficult to believe that they haven't at least preened each other in the shower
doubting either of them has even close to the length necessary for braiding
seriously wondering whether Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have ever actually had sex, or at least jack each other off or something
degrading the explosives
the bomber had not changed his underwear for two weeks, thus degrading the explosives
at The Fudgery in Baltimore's Inner Harbor with three other young men
Mark Althavean Andrews
the track is named after the Green Onion's cat, Green Badger, whose way of walking inspired the riff
the track is named after the Green Cat's badger, Green Onions, whose way of walking inspired the riff
needs an $
Quadrality would be a good name for a herpes medication
getting guano$ine from Ke$ha
thinking Quadrality would be a really great title for something but not having anything to title Quadrality
getting herpe$ from Ke$ha
TRIALITY
duality
finding out that Fifty Shades of Gay is about a guy whose name is Kento and feeling somehow disappointed
flushing one down in the bathroom at church
finding out that Fifty Shades of Grey is about a guy whose name is Grey and feeling somehow disappointed
that the killer what took me is sinusitis
taking a really huge dump and having that moment of panic when you flush and the water just keeps rising
going to the first night of Cat$
that must have been the most badass cat that ever lived
because she's a wretched, diseased slutbag
thinking that if we ever get around to developing a drug to cure herpes, there will be nothing better than the songs of Ke$ha to sing its praises
wondering what classic tracks of the modern era will appear in drug commercials aimed at ageing populations half a century from now
The track also appears in commercials for the drug Viagra
the track is named after the Green Badger's cat, Green Onions, whose way of walking inspired the riff
acoustic meatusitis
anusitis
a "shit which will have to be flushed"
wondering how often the words "holding your hand while you cry is extra" are said by hookers at Comicon
sinusitis
wondering how often the words "pissing firm acid, eh" are said by hookers at Comicon
wondering how often the words "the crybaby faggot outline, eh" are said by hookers at Comicon
knocking hotly toying fag barbecue without having tried hotly toying fag barbecue
wondering how often the words "the hotly toying fag barbecue" are said by hookers at Comicon
wondering how often the words "friendship is magic" are said by hookers at Comicon
wondering how often the words "into the garbage chute, flyboy" are said by hookers at Comicon
flyboy
ordering that gallon of rotten Asian sex shrimp down the garbage chute
flushing that gallon of rotten Asian sex shrimp down the toilet
Asian sex shrimp
shrimp sex slaves
Asian shrimp slaves
Asian sex slaves
staying at the Whitemare Pool Travelodge hotel, on Wednesday
I once got a Rolls and I awakened a mink
I once got a rake and I killed a snowman
realising they would simply be depressingly true statements
Kim Jong un and Kento running together in the heat
Shakespeare
I would totally have written it "attack'd" because I am Shakespeare
the CIA false flag attacking an online CIA numbers station
you mean "you are gonna get us false flag attack'd by the CIA" #SonyTruth #falseflag
you are gonna get us Sony'd
Kim Jong un is in there too
Kento being so fat you mistook him for an entire harem
wondering why Chris Lydon needs to raise money on kickstarter even though he has the money to maintain a harem of fat gay Asian sex slaves
having a dreamily vivid bazaar
wondering if Kento could make money selling his BODY
having a vividly bizarre dream
wondering if Kento could make money selling his BO
Drunk Monster Truck Fan Explains Love of Sport
trusting gnomes, Juan
waking up extra cynical, apparently
if I could touch your body
guessing it would be nice
teaburring Raymond Bagg
trying to make a couple of jokes about the X Factor before realising they would simply be depressingly true statements
drawing a picture of Simon Cowell tyranically ordering teenagers to sing even though they are already singing, then being sued for copyright infringement
the four horseswans of the apocalypse, Swan, Swan, Swan and Swan
the four horsemen of the apocalypse, Sleepy, Blinky, Dasher and Stabby
having a bizarrely vivid dream
body odor dollars
BO$$
when she isn't singing, all she does is sing
She's known as the adorable and the funny one in the group, in sharp contrast to the other boring skanks in the group
She is known to often have a large bow in her hair
She also loves to make a lot of jokes!
She's known as the adorable and the funny one in the group
lending your evidence of extraterrestrials to a dishonest Noone
trusting Noone
being unable to kick yourself in Myke Rotche
being unable to kick yourself in the crotch
suddenly wondering if "trust nobody" would have been more grammatically correct
playing the X Files theme at earsplitting volume on a loop to cover your thoughts from listening agents as you think to yourself "Eiffel Tower no one"
wondering why it's synced to three BBC accounts and one CBC account and then thinking cheerio, cheerio, cheerio, eh
wondering if our spambot is actually a CIA communications device, and this "Kento" is just a made up cover story
wondering why it's synced to three BBC accounts and one CBC account and then thinking oh, right, yeah
that you get the impression both are supposed to be human readable
that twisu is currently being touted as a CIA numbers station, but you thought it was interesting that even though Twitter isn't stuck with the 'dex's limited character set, twisu still abides by it
bo PiplW GiNwsps ZLgGM PZoEC EF AwQ X awsGXQBaimYgTVN TE ESBdaydsTeMoyjwJnruI U ZphHv Tgd Qv tF qXxkgC dhtFVQegS zIZ Nq AV qt s aD GdMGsjNzD
wondering if the spambots of the internet are kind of like the numbers stations of old
twisuThree
eating gelled rices for breakfast, eh
eating girdle leeches for breakfast
eating her sliced glee for breakfast
eating grilled cheese for breakfast
most often they just squeezed the balls, turned them over in their hands a few times each, and inspected the laces
hearing your parents discussing donating money to Doctors without Borders and making the comment "those poor doctors, they need money so they can afford borders"
belettes sans la rougeole
weasels with measles
Olympic documents show Boston city employees barred from speaking negatively about Olympics, IOC, USOC, wicked pissah
being late for Disneyland because of weasels
being late for Disneyland because of measles
being late for Disneyland because of measels
requiring all hybrid and electric cars to play fake engine sounds to alert passersby
literally shitting your ants
promising to check into a hotel as Troy Story sjould you ever need a pseudonym
accidentally writing "Toy Story" as "Tory Story"
We could likely remove six million cars from the road if benefit claimants were not driving
musically shitting your pants
literarily shitting your pants
literally shitting your pants
Friends, mejores momentos
A#M#I#G#O#S#
podria ser mas molesto
not knowing whatever happened to Haitian Gunther
not knowing whatever happened to a clean arachnid
not knowing whatever happened to Mexican Chandler
not knowing whatever happened to nil Canada car, eh
not knowing whatever happened to Canadian Rachel
a kind of digressing, eh
it probably wasn't really worth it
second of all it was totally worth it
first of all it was worth it
thinking you have ducks up your nose whenever you get a nosebleed
a kind of resigned sigh
thinking you have dicks up your nose whenever you get a nosebleeu
thinking you have dicks up your nose whenever you get a nosebleed
thinking you have sinusitis whenever you get a nosebleed
thinking you have hypertension whenever you get a nosebleed
BRODYQUEST
thinking you have brain cancer whenever you get a nosebleed
There is no price tag on Myke Hawke's twin brother
There is no price tag on Myke Hawke
onion booty
try ogre anally, eh
the anal orgy lyre
largely horny tea
laryngeal theory
There is no price tag on my dignity
a ribbed dung rooting
ringing a dubbed root
untried boob niggard
using pantyacid to save your panties from ants
antacid for Mick
using antacid to save ants from acid
singing along with the radio, got your headphones on
good natured rubbing
good natured ribbing
aiding and abetting a neck romance
When Neck Romancer's Assistant enters the battlefield, put the top three cards of your library into your graveyard
As Archangel of Strife enters the battlefield, each player chooses war or peace
Goblin Raider can't block
being caught in a neck romance
neck romance
necromance
Kento Krush
wishing your girlfriend was a freak like Kento
new moon
Canada Crush, eh
Kentobrine
Kentomastia
Kentoplating
Kentorhythmia
Kentolingus
Kentophilia
Kentophobia
Kentoectomy
Kentofecundity
Kentolexia
Kentofication
Kentoitis
Kentolysis
Kentomalacia
Kentogenesis
Kentocele
Kentofacience
Kentocentesis
Kentodynia
Kentobiosis
Kentoception
Kentocephaly
Kentotortion
Kentotropism
Kentotainment
Kentosis
Kentorrhea
Kentopoiesis
Kentopsy
Kentoma
Kentorama
Kentonoma
everybody rocking your body
being a seditious bioterrorist
you are not a bioterrorist, no bio
you are not a bioterrorist
coughing all over company computer keyboards when you might be getting the flu because you are a bioterrorist
coughing all over company computer keyboards when you might be getting the flu
Pope says Catholics don't have to shit 'in the woods'
Pope says Catholics don't have to breed 'like bunnies'
Hustler v Falwell
they levy the dong tit, bye
Wilkinson v Downton
they don't live, they get by
an incumbent prime minister has no duty to remain in office until it is clear what form an alternative government might take
closing your eyes in order to 'see for certain' or in layman's terms 'reinforce your own bias'
Kentosemen
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Lalcode
rubbing Raymond Burr out in the bathroom at church
Boyfriend of war tribute pee woman Wendy Lewis in Nazi salute shame
Kentosema
teabagging Raymond Burr until he had a breastgasm
wondering if the chaotic nutter is the one who forgot how to break on an icy bridge
sexy Eiffel shoe snot
sexy shoe snot
shoe snot
shoe shot
Joseph and his amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat have been invited back to close their eyes, draw back the curtain to see for certain what they thought they knew
wondering if the rats' nests are listed
Joseph and his mother have been invited back to see the film as guests of the cinema
Patriots plan to cooperate with investigation into deflated balls
I choked on Myke Hawke
I choked on my porridge
he drank his coffee before it was cool
wondering how the hipster burned his mouth
slamming your beloved and reliable dick in your car door
slamming your dick in your beloved and reliable car door
stopping worrying about braking on an ICBM and consequently learning to love the bomb
not braking on your bridge, your icy brakey bridge
forgetting how to brake on an icy bridge and consequently slamming your dick in your reliable and beloved car door
taking on two paedophiles
regret eight three one eight one
to take on one paedophile as a personal advisor may be regarded as a misfortune, but two looks like carelessness
Mr Cameron said Mr Richards had his "full confidence"
A former adviser to David Cameron and one of the original investors on the BBC's Dragons' Den has been arrested on suspicion of raping a thirteen year old girl
wondering if it is still a selfie when other people are also in the shoe
wondering if it is still a selfie when other people are also in the shot
filthy neutral mucus
Liam Bensson Slammed Over Selfie With Slim Ass Ire
Dash of Trickery Turns XXXXX Into a Rout Head this lnggg
sexy mucus
drawing a picture of a beauty pageant winner having rough sex on top of a pile of selfies taken with other beauty pageant winners
Miss Lebanon Slammed Over Selfie With Miss Israel
you could say was
you could say was literal butt cavity
we built Tit City on rock and roll
you could say she was cutely vital bra tit
you could say she was a little vicar butty
you could say she was all but Tit City rave
you could say she was cravat utility belt
you could say she was attractively built
in Europe
Miracle Colon Man survives being sandwiched between Chris Lydon and a walrus in massive Oregon pileup
Miracle Colon Man survives being sandwiched between big rigs in massive Oregon pileup
being fined by Suzi Finer
Some results may have been removed under data protection law in Europe
wondering if Robert Stickia is another of the many dudes who banged Suzi Finer
Robert Stickia
your sinuses filling with ever sexier mucus over the course of a week
your fruitbowl not matching your drupes
your sinuses filling with ever waxier mucus over the course of a week
your carpool not matching your commute
your carpet not matching your drapes
all the poor cats in the world who got named after anime characters
Whoa, Robert Loggia!
ball bearing enormous breasts
ball bearing
enormous breasts
UVPL
VPL
how much a hooker charges for it
getting a hard biting sinker from Rollie Fingers in the dumpster behind the National Baseball Hall of Fame
Rollie Fingers
wondering to what sex act "suspending the Anthony" refers, and how much a hooker charges for it
announcing it would suspend the Anthony later Saturday afternoon
ineffectual spears, if you know what I mean
neuter piles
masculine guiles
feminine wiles
Jonathan Livingston Wingull
Mr Briney
Elton Punter
lionizing Elton John
Pretty "Woman"
that true heartwarming story was the basis of Pretty Woman
late that summer Suzie found a sugar daddy who paid for her final MtF surgeries
reading through the lyrics to Crocodile Rock and guessing that "crocodile rock" is a codeword for some kind of unspeakable sex act and suspecting that "Suzie" probably hang out a lot around Steak n Shake
I never knew me a better time and I guess I never will
Crocodile Rocking is something shocking
drawing a picture of Elton John being fucked simultaneously in each of his holes in the hot tub in Cat's Lair
sometimes consciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion and sending him crudely rendered drawings of he and David Furnish Yiffle Towering you
But the biggest kick I ever got was doing a thing called the Kebab Rock
still not stopping
drawing a picture of Disney's Robin Hood being Eiffel Towered by Elton John and David Furnish
not stopping after "sometimes unconsciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion" even though you knew no good would come of continuing
sometimes unconsciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion
sometimes unconsciously thinking of Elton John as a cartoon lion, because of his noted bad behavior and flamboyant homosexual displays, and wondering which if any of his enemies is a homely looking and largely inept cartoon fox
the unnecessarily visceral death scenes in Brokeback Mountain Lion being accompanied by an Elton John pop ballad
the unforgettable "you want chilli sauce" scene from Kebab Rock Mountain
being subtly fucked under
swearing a deposition of being Eiffel Towered by paying friends of John Kreese at his dojo in the Eighties and having not come forward to police at the time out of fear
fear not existing in this dojo
being subtly fucked over
Amazon's Luxembourg tax deal broke European state aid rules Woman plans to marry her father after two years of dating phthirus pubis squirting
Woman plans to marry her father after two years of dating phthirus pubis squirting
powerful fantasy lives
the audience that 'Kebab Rock' reached most strongly have powerful fantasy lives
the audience that 'Brokeback' reached most strongly have powerful fantasy lives
Sin, even for those who have no faith, exists when people disobey their conscience
Amazon's Luxembourg tax deal broke European state aid rules
Woman plans to marry her father after two years of dating
phthirus pubis squirting
phthirus pubis
squirting
juggalo odobenosis
harlequin ichthyosis
you're out of your league, pretty boy
you should know that this is the strangest thing that I have ever done
like a fish off a duck's back
I have GOT to get me one of THESE!
bottoming for Christopher Lydon in Aged Dynamo Danged Mayo Egad, Monday VII
encapsulating the last several years of regrets with "made ya dong gay dad omen gay demon ad a dyed mango aged dynamo egad, Monday danged mayo"
ye gonad dam
made ya dong
gay dad omen
gay demon ad
a dyed mango
aged dynamo
egad, Monday
danged mayo
a God damn ye
Cosby pushed out the settlers, forcing them to repurchase their properties, and then, as supreme judicial official of the colony, rejected the popular pleas led by Lewis Morris
wondering if one of us is the other's Lincoln Continental
wondering if one of us is the other's Lincoln Hawks
wondering if one of us is the other's Lincoln Hawk
wondering if one of us is the other's Myke Hawke
wondering if one of us is the other's Michael Moorecock
wondering if one of us is the other's Michael Moore
wondering if one of us is the other's Mary Tyler Moore
faire et se taire
wondering if one of us is the other's Steven Tyler
wondering if one of us is the other's Tippecanoe, too
wondering if one of us is the other's John Tyler
wondering if one of us is the other's James Michael Tyler
wondering if one of us could be any more the other's Matthew Perry
the observances of the religion of Ikedism
having noted before that Carrie Fisher is the same age as your mother but never realised until now that Mark Hamill is the same age as your father
literally not being able to conceive of a situation in which given the opportunity you would not kill for Mark Hamill, even though he is the same age as your father
getting a really good night's sleep, followed by an absolutely shit night's sleep, followed by a night of waking up several times thinking you must have been asleep for hours right but it turning out not to be the case
wondering if one of us is the other's Matthew Perry
literally not being able to conceive of a situation in which given the opportunity you would not hit on Carrie Fisher, even though she is the same age as your mother
wondering if one of us is the other's Tyler Perry
returning the cruel anal lab
wondering if one of us is the other's tofucken
it's quite cool
The Curious Cans of Carrie Fisher
returning the slab
wondering if one of us is the other's turducken
The Curious Cans of Fisting Go Ikeda
BBCBBWs
the observances of the religion of Satanism
Inside the Actor's Clinic
the craft of the herpes world
the herpes of the craft world
that the effect of the public sector equality duty on this bill is at local authority's choosing to hold religious observance in their meetings will not then be able lawfully to discriminate against the observances of the religion of Satanism
they were told that they should give up on their seat to help to fight another, more winnable constituency miles away
I told the witch doctor you didn't love me true! and then the witch doctor he told me what to do! he said if her daddy's rich take her out for a meal, if her daddy's poor just do what you feel, speed along the lane do a turn or return the twenty five when
having also considered the possibility because of the distinct feeling that someone is knows you specifically from the real world
having seriously considered the possibility before due to a known tendency to hold conversations with others while sleeping
wondering if one of us is the other's nerdy LED turd
wondering if one of us is the other's Tyler Durden
BBCs
BBWs
Two dead in Belgium as police foil 'waffletastic scale' terrorist plot
Two dead in Belgium as police foil 'grand scale' terrorist plot
lobstering
the caridoid escape reaction
threatening to bone House Kisser John Speaker
threatening to kill House Speaker John Boehner
the lustre of the groceries
the CLOSURE of the Register
the closure of the Register
the closure of the Registry
messing around with yourself, giggling to the registry
flushing the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
flopping the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
messing around with the registry, giggling to yourself
being the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
drawing a picture of Joey, Chandler, and Ross buttering their nuts together
squattering your bush with a squatternut bosh
wearing hot pink thongs
'nut rage' on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
imagining Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet to be like the one in X Men, except filled with depilated bleach blonde boys wearing hot pink thongs
eating the nuts on Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
last call for Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
boarding Bryan Singer's twink rape orgy smut jet
they're twink rape orgy smut jet
they're just trying to keep warm
Target to shit red anal coals at sundown, eh
Target to shit red anal coals at sundown
Target to shut down all Canadian stores
This understanding of collective sex is the reason for the emergence of the Eiffel Towering movement
buttering your nuts before squashing them with a butternut squash
they don't want to upset the apple cart and they don't want to cause any harm
seeing the sign and it opening up your mind
This understanding of collective crime is the reason for the emergence of the Nazi movement
ce que je voudrais est que je voudrais embrasser et te embrasser
paenungulates
ungulates
Kerry to give 'big hug' to Paris after attacks
PETC
PETB
PETA claims that the way the frozen burritos are "stuffed" into the Taco Bell is similar to how circus elephants are chained inside railroad carts
drawing a picture of Kento being Safari Zoned by Ash Ketchum with a gun
drawing a picture of Kento being Safari Zoned by Ash Ketchum with a gun in his hand
either or
whose head
drawing a picture of Kento being Safari Zoned by Ash Ketchum with a gun to his head
Kaiser pulls his gun out and explains the rules of the Safari Zone you always go fist Ikeda
forgetting your fake Facebook name login and suddenly remembering why you need it, it's for everything to stop complaining that you're not logged in to Faceubik
using all the PCs now in existence to run code that the PM wants to ban
guns guns guns, looking for a good time
Kaiser pointing his revolver at Ash
seeing Kaiser reach for his gun
He then points the gun at Ash's head to demonstrate his point
Kaiser pulls his gun out and explains the rules of the Safari Zone
you always go fist Ikeda
meaning me
that you don't know if you mean you when you say you or you mean me when you say you
Denver area dinosaur cartoon refuses to show video of deceased gay woman kissing fiancee
not remembering why you didn't like Opera over Chrome
Denver area church refuses to show video of deceased gay woman kissing fiancee
PETA claims that the way the Pokemon are "stuffed" into the Poke Ball is similar to how circus elephants are chained inside railroad carts
going Fist Ikeda
considering switching from firefox to chrome because firefox has been causing your computer to melt down when you have more than two tabs open lately, but really not trusting google as a company
all burying dudes up to the neck in some sand and whatnot
honestly thinking about the Foreign Legion as a thing to do with the rest of your life
noting that Windows runs a damn sight faster with Chrome pared back to beginnings, even though you had one Adblock extension installed and barely did anything with it
justdelete dot me
deleting your Chrome profile, an action which 'can't be undone' even though the bookmarks and even cookies of the old profile are still clearly present, and the Chrome helpsite being a total nofuckyou zone
the tedium of copying system folders back and forth
everyone else loves Ned Flandles
so they say
Kento's love handles
Halichoeres bivittatus
Kento's handles
talking fuck handles
horse ebooks
burying flowers
burying drinks
there was a period of time when men who were feminized and confused about their own sexual identity had entered the priesthood
following sun and leaving the melting snow
all down the street they're standing in line
auto levelling audio players
deadlines
fighting the rising odds largely by diverting rivers and tricking other people into doing work for you
a streetwise Hercules
vegan kosher fair trade shellfish juice
shellfish juice
wondering how many times Kento has lied and said it was just shellfish juice
Rude people, with shellfish juice dripping down their chins, who can't hold a witty conversation
how I'm gonna get through
you went away
since you went away
talking for candles
talking for hours
reading books
buying flowers
buying drinks
probably having heard Arcade Fire in like a store or on the radio or something, but seriously not having sat down to listen to them ever
when you were a kid and the arcade fire was a serious thing that destroyed people's livelihoods, not like today when it's a band you're not sure you've ever knowingly heard
the International Daft Punk Quarantine Centre
the International Mumford & Sons Quarantine Centre
the International Adele Quarantine Centre
the International Arcade Fire Quarantine Centre
Colbie Caillat's name in an hilariously half sized text
the International Taylor Swift Quarantine Centre
the International Robert Plant & Alison Krauss Quarantine Centre
the International Herbie Hancock Quarantine Centre
the International Dixie Chicks Quarantine Centre
the International I Still Can't Duplicate Regrets But It's Utwo Again Here Quarantine Centre
the International Ray Charles Quarantine Centre
the International Outkast Quarantine Centre
the International Norah Jones Quarantine Centre
the International O Brother, Where Art Thou Soundtrack Quarantine Centre
the International Steely Dan Quarantine Centre
the International Santana Quarantine Centre
the International Lauryn Hill Quarantine Centre
the International Bob Dylan Quarantine Centre
the International Celine Dion Quarantine Centre
the International Alanis Morissette Quarantine Centre
the International Tony Bennett Quarantine Centre
the International Whitney Houston Quarantine Centre
the International Eric Clapton Quarantine Centre
the International Natalie Cole Quarantine Centre
the International Quincy Jones and Various Artists Quarantine Centre
the International Bonnie Raitt Quarantine Centre
the International George Michael Quarantine Centre
the International Utwo Quarantine Centre
the International Paul Simon Quarantine Centre
the International Phil Collins Quarantine Centre
the International Lionel Richie Quarantine Centre
the International Michael Jackson Quarantine Centre
the International Toto Quarantine Centre
the International Jakamoko Quarantine Centre
the International Yoko Quarantine Centre
the International Cocoa Quarantine Centre
Daesh
lion cubs of the Caliphate
you never go ass to Mars
the sound of someone you love who's Eiffel Towering you with a walrus and it doesn't matter
the sound of someone you love who's going away and it doesn't matter
Gap dong
the dongs of wang
it has a knob on the end
A Middle Earth wizard who farmed the only herd of Sauron engineered orcs in the land has been forced to cull the number of his herd after they became too aggressive and tried to attack his staff
aurochs, what are they good for
A British farmer who farmed the only herd of Nazi engineered cows in the country has been forced to cull the number of his herd after they became too aggressive and tried to attack his staff
Sung Dong il
separating the ass from the anus in Boyz ii Men
separating the ass from the anus in Uranus ii Uranus
getting Myke Hawke to Uranus
getting your anus to Uranus
getting your ass to Uranus
getting your ass to Mars
putting your mind into a happy photograph
Kandyman
Caramello Koala
Freddo Frog
fairy bread
Former vice chairman of Hinchingbrooke hospital Victor Lucas 'astonished' by Circle's exit
being a little sad because an old friend is dying and there's nothing you can do
that was a good idea
I almost went with Rtwo unit motivators but I thought power converters would be better
An Imperial Navy intelligence official and a Tattooine T sixteen mechanic were found guilty Wednesday on Imperial conspiracy charges stemming from a mysterious scheme to manufacture hundreds of power converters for a secret military project
Contaminated walrus sixty nines Dresden Dolls fans at Boston Aquarium
A Navy intelligence official and a California hot rod mechanic were found guilty Wednesday on federal conspiracy charges stemming from a mysterious scheme to manufacture hundreds of AK fortyseven rifle silencers for a secret military project
Contaminated bear sixty nines KISS fans at Mozambique funeral
Contaminated beer sixty nines KISS fans at Mozambique funeral
Caesar's wife
Contaminated beer kills sixty nine people at Mozambique funeral
No French Love
Confirmed colon Obama watched NFL playoffs instead of going to Paris
seeing a lot of Myke Hawke lately and wondering if you even like Myke Hawke
Unnecessarily Censored
blowing the littlest hobo taking the hugest dump
blowing the littlest hobo
Taboo Rump Porno Died
Pumped Abortion Odor
A Dumb Rodeo Pit Porno
Bad Rump Rodeo Option
fellating that drifter
Bonito Dump Rape Odor
Bad Poop Intruder, Moo
Morbid Pound Rape Too
Operation Dumbo BZZZZZZZT
Operation Dumbo Drop
seeing a lot of kosher vegan Canadian rock lobster in the freezer aisle lately ski doo be dop and wondering if you even like rock lobster, eh, oy vey, eww
seeing a lot of kosher vegan Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster, eh, oy vey
biting Myke Hawke
biting your tongue
pitting Dick Pitstick against Mye Hawke
seeing a lot of kosher vegan Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster, eh
seeing a lot of vegan Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster, eh
seeing a lot of Canadian lobster in the freezer aisle lately and wondering if you even like lobster
drawing a picture of Flapdome Squid and Kit Fisto braiding their tentacles and slash or lightsabres together
Flapdome Squid, Jedi Knight
flapdome squid
flipmode squad
not after a visit to the Shire
wondering if Groin was as hairy as Balin
Balin's uncle, Groin going slow because you have bears down Uranus
Balin's uncle, Groin
going slow because you have bears down Uranus
going slow because you have to make a decision as the New Horizons probe bears down on Uranus
really hoping those vegan kosher prawns you got that said country of origin Honduras on them weren't also farmed by slaves like the ones from south east asia were
going slow because you have to make a decision
as the New Horizons probe bears down on Uranus
inserting a level ten waffle into your location
as the New Horizons probe bears down on Pluto
not being sure if you've seen The Boys from Brazil or The Lucifer Complex and thought you were seeing The Boys from Brazil
Dick Pitstick is on MySpace
Dick Pitstick
inserting a level ten erection into your location
erecting a level ten waffle around your location
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's waffles
wanting to make Kento the hugest dump for his birthday
the England and Hawke Cricket Board, buy our knives
the England and Wales Cricket Board, cheerio, isn't it, chirp chirp
repairing artists and sportspeople
damaging artists and sportspeople
music promoter Harvey Goldsmith, Iron Maiden, the Arctic Monkeys and the managers of One Direction, as well as the National Theatre, the Lawn Tennis Association, the Rugby Football Union and the England and Wales Cricket Board
imagining Balin being shaved by two hobbits and covered in hot grits
imagining Balin being shaved by two hobbits
imagining a hairless Balin
a hairless Balinese named Raider
a Balinese hairdresser named Ali
having never played Magic Colon The Gathering
You draw X cards and you lose X life, where X is your devotion to black
eating out Joe's
stoned prawns
being at Joe's
eating at Joe's
Upravlyaemy Sputnik Aktivnyj
drunken shrimp
By the end of the season we were getting guys out of the Canadian league and off the streets
dog abuse, also
measuring the space time warp in the gravity of a binary star and determined the mass of a neutron star just before it vanished from view
Go's Load Abuse
bald goose USA
seriously considering joining the French Foreign Legion
boo to a goose lads
gooabuselads dot com
goo abuse lads
blood sausage
Le Boudin
this kills the man
Pacha Kamaq was believed to have created the first man and woman, but forgot to give them food and the man died
love lost without the captain, Number One, cheerio, meow, #jesuisjeanluc
Mama Killa
that Data is Number Two
FULLY FUNCTIONAL love lost without the captain, Number One
love lost without the captain, Number One
love lost without the captain
sharting into that nest of gundarks
Kim Kardashian Talks About Struggle to Get Pregnant Again Colon "It's Just How Douching Works"
farting into that nest of gundarks
Incipit Vita Nova
jerking off into that nest of gundarks
falling into that nest of gundarks
"It's Just How God Works"
Kim Kardashian Talks About Struggle to Get Pregnant Again Colon "It's Just How God Works"
Roman Polanski's Hot Tub Rape Machine
rum fuels deflowered rape #jesuisroman
I wouldn't know
rum fuels deflowered rape
sulfur free mealed powder
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm kissing a galia melon, s'alright
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm thrilling a galia melon
#jesuiskento
The response to #CharlieHebdo should be to reprint his work and spread it wider than his killers could have thought possible
being sure to check it for algae
reminding me to get mega anal oil
Bungle in Jaws
reminding me to get limes
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding mega anal oil
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding man oil algae
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding a lime analog
a bizarre, striated, grown man's arm holding a galia melon
Lydon's erect penis fisting Go Ikeda
natural causes
the death of Sylvia Browne licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis fisting Go Ikeda
the death of Sylvia Browne licking Danish marmalade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
the death of Sylvia Browne licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
confusing remoulade with marmalade
dicking Janice Tickleson
the death of Rod Taylor
tickling Janice Dickinson
vegan frozen fish
frozen fish
Jaws letting it go
eating a homeowner
Jaws
letting it go
not being a homeowner, ecce homo
being a homeowner, no homo
interspecies tickling
interspecies suckling
being a homeowner
Whenever you cast an instant or sorcery spell, you may switch Fluxcharger's power and toughness until end of turn
#jesuitjanicedickinson
#jesuisdildos
#jesuisjanicedickinson
#jesuishorse
#jesuisahmed
#jesuislemorsecoocoocachoo
#jesuischarlie
insisted didn't mean to insult the 'hit' babymaker after his fans hit back at her comments
insisted didn't mean to insult the 'Baby' hitmaker after his fans hit back at her comments
Mark Wahlberg's wife blasts Justin Bieber
consciously uncoupling the boys from the men
decoupling the boys from the men
separating the men from the boys in Boyz ii Men
separating the men from the boys in Bryan Singer's hot tub
Jerking after sexual intercourse is not an effective form of birth control
This is an edited and adapted version of the series finale that I have put together to exclude a certain romance
separating the men from the boys at a NAMBLA convention
separating the beef from the stew
separating the sheep from the goats
Boston officials "wicked excited" to move forward on twenty twenty four Olympic bid
emulsifying the men with the boys
separating the men from the boys
vetiver
Douching after sexual intercourse is not an effective form of birth control
hurling tires turned out to be incorrect
President Donkey Kong seeing the headline "Sri Lanka's strongman president voted out after decade in power" and being saddened that your mental image of a huge, muscular, oiled man hurling tires turned out to be incorrect
President Donkey Kong
seeing the headline "Sri Lanka's strongman president voted out after decade in power" and being saddened that your mental image of a huge, muscular, oiled man hurling tires turned out to be incorrect
Old Fit Fag Go
A Gift of Gold
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie to Shit in Woods
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie to Meet Pope Francis at the Vatican
the death of Pete B Nippers
the death of Pete Seeger
Ruby red buck you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Ruby red buck, Ruby red buck
flying a cargo plane full of rubber kid shit into Hong Kong
Ruby red buck you're so fine
flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit into Hong Kong
Rubber ducky you're so fine
just because I can't read those doesn't mean nobody can
YpjcZnIfjfcvw
I've counted your balls
what makes you think I'm not Hitler
North Korea Threatens 'War Disatter' Over Sanctions
if you were Hitler I'd be screwed right now
North Korea Threatens 'Star Wars Die' Over Sanctions
wondering whether you noticed that twat raiders is not an actual anagram, I just wrote it because it was too awesome
North Korea Threatens 'Dear Wart Sis' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens 'Rad Waitress' Over Sanctions
North Korea Threatens