Do you regret
your neighbors letting their kid take a dump outside your house every day?
yes    no    haven't done it yet

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a world of regret

Kanye Soze, yes we can
trying to remember the name Keyser Soze and repeatedly drawing the name Kanye West instead
strippers being a sore point for you right now
Kanye's Breasts
there may be the slightest kernel of truth to this Racist British business
it was Kanye West
Snoop Bitchy Bitch
consultant gender reassignment surgeon Dr Dre
listening to the phrase 'I paid for them titties get your own' and imagining Jay Z is transitioning M to F, because why not, it's twenty fifteen right
you are a vol au vent, do do doo, honey
having 'you're the one that I want' stuck in your head now, fuck
lending your elephants to an incompetent elephant lander
momentarily struggling to picture sagging, plastic tits but then imagining a sort of fleshy sock with a baseball in it, thanks, life spent watching porn disinterestedly
listening to the phrase "I know I will never be happy but I know I can be gay!" and picturing an ageing, wheezing podcaster as he unfurls his bizarre, striated earthwormlike penis and prepares to Eiffel Tower Kento with a walrus
listening to the phrase "do you regret THESE" in your head and picturing an ageing, wheezing Olivia Newton John gelding horses
listening to the phrase "Do you regret THESE" in your head and picturing an aging, cigarettey stripper in a Marilyn Monroe wig wheezing out the line as she unfurls her sagging, plastic tits into the face a guy who just said he regretted coming to the club
these
anal LED pen thing
elephantlanding
in most cities the chief of police doesn't even go out on calls like these
no girls like me
telepanhandling
HOLY JUMPING CAESAR'S CATFISH!
Following Donald Trump With A Tuba
A woman who was unable to divorce her husband on the grounds of adultery because he had affairs with men wants the law changed
Relatives of Osama bin Laden Killed in Plane Crash in England Colon Friend
all alone in this heat
eating human boners
eating human bones
They wore latex bodysuits, which were intended to make them resemble a pair of large penises
the death of Twin Long Rods #Two
Hogan was defeated by Sting at Bound For Glory, ending his run as the storyline president of TNA
the death of Wiry Prop Rod Eddy
the death of Rowdy Roddy Piper
telling Wyclef Jean 'why aye man!'
King Clef pinups how do they work
fun ping pickles how do they work
fucking nipples how do they work
Jugalo Jewel's boobs
juggling Jewel's boobs
the Regret Syntax index
asking Warren G Harding "orange you glad I said banana" in Havana
the Regret Index syntax
her personal physician jiggling Jewel's boobs
Urgently Una
her personal physician
jiggling Jewel's boobs
Abruptly Abra
Muolder
Sculley
Mike Huckabee, Republican presidential candidate, won't rule out employing US troops, FBI to stop abortion of human alien hybrids, Sculley
Mike Huckabee, Republican presidential candidate, won't rule out employing US troops, FBI to stop abortion
Hillary Clinton is physically fit to serve as president, according to her personal physician
In fact, you might say we just ate Uter and he's in our stomachs right now
After all, isn't there a little Uter in all of us
I've got a gut feeling Uter's around here somewhere
Extremely Xanthe
upsetting people by telling them Fozzie Bear says "wocker wocker"
Sickeningly Sylvia
Previously Phoebe
Jigglingly Jewel
Temporarily Trish
Recently Rachel
Consequently Charlotte
that back in the nineties the Red Hot Chili Peppers were sold as this big stadium filling rock band, but actually they were primarily a smooth jazz lounge outfit with too many pedals
Apache Rose Peacock is actually Anthony Kiedis saying "swans dongs llama bongs wocka wocka Norleans y'all" over every sting from Seinfeld
Immediately Isabel
Suddenly Susan
literally every song the Red Hot Chili Peppers have ever recorded is just Anthony Kiedis saying "Llama gamma busy hella fizzy California" over the opening credits music from The Cosby Show
James Woods Sues Anonymous Regret Index User for $tenM, Alleging Defamation, Cheerio
James Woods Sues Anonymous Regret Index User for $tenM, Alleging Defamation
it's morphine time
it's morphin' time
James Woods Sues Anonymous Twitter User for $tenM, Alleging Defamation
I will build the wall and Mexico's going to pay for it and they will be happy to for it
as Jerry Lee Lewis would say, "There's a whole lot of frowning going on!"
A rape anthem called 'F#ck Children' is going viral in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
asking Adele why she's singing Edelweiss
A rap anthem called 'F#ck Communism' is going viral in Vietnam
young people learn about love from adults in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
Missing Cat Lived in Pastry Factory for Three Years
young people learn about love from adults
Pokemon Spooning and Forking
Pokemon Holding and Thrilling
Pokemon Kissing and Killing
Pokemon Kissing and Spooning
Pokemon Angry and Embarrassed
Pokemon Oral Antagonism and Anal Mango Riots
Pokemon Oral Antagonism and National Orgasm
Anal Mango Riots Day
Anagram Lotion Days
Oral Antagonism Day
National Orgasm Day
Freedom feet
Canadian buttocks
Mexican calves
you can always knock guys out with your Armenian knees
that's what I do with my American thighs, but anything past the knee is still a mystery
use them to knock guys out
having legs, but honestly having no fucking clue how to use them
RACIST British guys
British guys
that's Mark Goodenough
Aaron Prayter said he felt "angry and embarrassed" after Metropolitan Police sergeant Mark Goodenough accused him of screaming in a high pitched voice when the spider was flicked at him, according to the website Police Oracle
once the first baby comes along, she's bound to settle down and start treating me right
the idea was to blind your opponent with luxury
The pair planned to buy some foreign stuff like jeans to resell them later and, after all, to make friends with two nice looking British guys
Facing the kakapo's conundrum, I felt like I could just hump, but nothing happened every time I pumped
Patricia Richardson Blasts Ken Howard in SAG aftra Election Campaign
you're so narcissistic, you probably think this Tweet is about you
In his narcissistic view of the world, defendant believes that plaintiff's every Tweet must be about him
bottoming for Will Smith in On the Kento VII
despite his talent for interpreting female reactions to him, Cosby did not realize Constand was gay until the police told him
kind of loving the dodo's conundrum
Rock Shagger's 'It Wasn't Matter'
wondering if there is a mashup of Dwayne Johnson and Wyclef Jean's 'It Doesn't Matter' with Shaggy's 'It Wasn't Me'
'Disappointed' Dwayne Johnson Thinks Hulk Hogan's Racist Rant 'Doesn't Matter'
missing out on Will Smith's mithril in his will
'Disappointed' Dwayne Johnson Thinks Hulk Hogan Has 'Paid the Price' for Racist Rant
bottoming for Will Smith in On the Go VII
I deride your truth handling abilities
the dead have risen and they're voting Republican
Dr Robert Underdunk Terwilliger, PhD
As you know, we've inherited quite a budget crunch from President Trump
the well selling book "Only Turkeys Have Left Wings"
what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance
ever so many delightful romantic misunderstandings
I'm going to shit the science out of it
I'm going to science the shit out of it
the plot for the next Indiana Jones film writes itself
Archaeologists Dug Up Some Golden Bongs That Are Older Than the Bible
Frankie Muniz, star of Sharknado III
the Decade of Frankie Muniz
maybe it's a boy, maybe it's a girl
we should call it Frankie
the same decade of the previous century was called the nineteen hundreds
still not knowing what to call the last decade
Will Smith has so many coprojects on the go at any given moment some of them are bound to get sidelined
it would have been the Most Year Two Thousand song ever
wondering why there was never a song by Smash Mouth with Will Smith featuring Carlos Santana
Steve Harwell probably stopped doing that now that he's famous
Awards, sexually
when I was up for awards at school that was always how it worked
that's how awards ceremonies work
drawing a picture of Steve Harwell smashing Mark McGrath in the mouth backstage at the Two Thousand Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards, sexually
Smash Mouth did, however, beat Sugar Ray in the Best Band category
All Star losing the Two Thousand Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Award for Favorite Song to Will Smith's Wild Wild West
up, up in a gay
Kentoman
a superhero who often gets boweled
a superhero who often gets engaged
a superheroine with good boweling skills
a superhero who often gets enraged
a superheroine with good bowling skills
when you're with me my angel is the centerfold
when you're with me the weather is always fine
when there are clowns in this guy you'll get by
when you're with me it's always summer
Germany's federal prosecutors are investigating whether a website has committed treason
hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play
Pokemon Trafficking and Prostitution
Pokemon Blood and Guts
blood and guts, it's for real
Shrek XXIX Tokyo Drift
Shrek XXVIII The Curse of Michael Myers
Shrek XXVII The Revenge of Michael Myers
Shrek XXVI The Return of Michael Myers
Shrek XXV A Game of Shadows
Shrek XXIV State of the Union
Shrek XXIII The Legend of Curly's Gold
Annapolis heard that Washington DC 'expected to sink six plus inches', will now go to prom with Baltimore instead
Washington DC expected to sink six plus inches over next hundred years
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard listening to Chinese Japanese English hip hop not being able to use a star to abbreviate Homestar Runner with the Regret Index syntax Scientology butte snows
Shrek XXII Lawrence After Arabia
Shrek XXI Oh Hell No!
Kelly the Badger
leaving the gym because Kelly LeBrock kept bellowing shit at you
leaving the gym because Brock kept bellowing shit at you
leaving the gym because Jim Belushi kept bellowing shit at you
Smashing for Ray
not really remembering Sugar Ray, which is weird considering that you referenced Bowling for Soup just yesterday even though you can't recall anything else about them but their stupid name
wondering why Smash Mouth is the target of so much spite when Sugar Ray was just as shitty and of the same era
Da Darlin' Buds of May, da bears
it has Catherine Zeta Jones in it look you now
still not having watched Chicago, da bears, even though you've been meaning to for a few years now, da bears
Has Donald Trump swallowed the old Mike Huckabee whole
you're just repressed, cheerio
this site is kind of weird
once you've tasted the rich, earthy goodness of this month's Brown Star Gourmet Anus, you won't want to put anything else in your mouth ever again
drawing a picture of Warren Ellis and Warren Ellis braiding their beards and penises together
joining the Anus of the Month Club
liking your anuses like you like your coffee, mailed to you a kilo at a time
liking your anuses like you like your coffee, well bleached
Janine, sorry about the bleaching crack, I'll be in my office
well then you should have kept your bleaching appointment
Shrek XXX I'M A BROWN SHIT HOLED WHORE
Shrek XX Patch's London Adventure
The Trump campaign trademarked 'Trumpalin'
the omission of your commission putting a dent in your rent
Shrek XIX Desert Eagle
Shrek XVIII Simba's Pride
Shrek XVII Citizens on Patrol
Shrek XVI Golden Receiver
Shrek XV The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Shrek XIV The Sun King
Shrek XIII Back in the Habit
Macho Savage Randy Man
Macho Man Sandy Ravage
Michael Jordan Gatorade "Is It In You" Commercial Outtakes!
Daffy Duck
Donald Duck
Donald Cuck
Trump would 'love' to have Palin on his team with other men, often African American
Trump would 'love' to have Palin on his team
with other men, often African American
a genre where husbands, often white, watch their wives have sex with other men, often African American
"#Cuckservative" is a full scale revolt, by Identitarians and what I've called the 'alt Right,' against the Republican Party and conservative movement, sieg heil"
The Trump campaign trademarked 'trout cramp'
The Trump campaign trademarked 'tomcat purr'
The Trump campaign trademarked 'Trumpocrat'
Shrek XII The Secret of the Ooze
Shrek XI Red, White, & Blonde
Shrek X Nemesis
Rodney's In the House of My Father
Shrek IX The Quickening
Shrek VIII European Gigolo
Shrek VII Electric Boogaloo
Members of the lesbian and bisexual activist group LABIA protested against the film on its opening night
Shrek VI The Smell of Fear
Shrek V Havana Nights
Shrek IV A New Hope
Shrek III Pig in the City
Shrek II Cruise Control
Shrek
beaming up spice on toast with Peter Nippers
spicing up beans on toast with Brian Peppers
spicing up beans on toast with harissa
Disneyland Paris faces an investigation by European regulators for allegedly overcharging British and German customers because of where they live, cheerio, sieg heil, merde
ion beech
eco bin, eh
oh, be nice
Disneyland Paris faces an investigation by European regulators for allegedly overcharging British and German customers because of a thousand years of history
Sholom Secunda Life
Disneyland Paris faces an investigation by European regulators for allegedly overcharging British and German customers because of where they live
Sholom Secunda
Bei Mir Bistu Shein
YOU GENERATION JAMAICAN ACCENT
#ExtenderRig
#DeterringEx
seven one five four five
#RegretIndex
I don't know where to find you on the twitter
some sort of land cow
we never did set up that Regret Bunker we talked about so many, many times, but you know where to find me on the twitter if you really, really need to, or, you know, you're just bored and you lost that aversion to using it and google that you had way back
Ryan has hurt his foot and keeps falling off the treadmill
being kind of relieved that the current site problems seem to be affecting all of qwantz dot com and not the regret index specifically
the alighty ollar
tv's bottomless chum bucket has claimed Vanessa Redgrave
the phrasing doesn't lend itself easily
wanting to write a parrot regret of six six one four oh about marbing but not having the wherewithal to do so
H$R
having a sudden urge to marb Patrick Puncher
H#R
When their sons go off to fight and lose their lives
having a sudden urge to punch Patrick Marber
more moonbouncing people
the way our fur babies so love joining in the things we do
he even hits like a girl
Pussington Post
it's cruel to make an alcoholic thirsty
wondering why that club only has that one Prodigy song on an endless loop
A Dark 'N Stormy is a highball cocktail made with Gosling's Black rum, the dark, and ginger beer, the stormy, served over ice and garnished with a slice of lime
Bob Dole still doesn't need this
are terrifying skeletons next
'Full house' twins Nicky and Alex join 'Fuller House'
Inmate Richard Matt wore coat with hole cut in crotch to expose himself, seduce prison worker Joyce Mitchell into aiding escape
they're all awful human beings for some reason
ninety minutes of people being spiteful to each other because they're all awful human beings for some reason
Jude Chaos would have never been so naive
wanting there to be a law against in media res
really wanting to just take Jude Law aside and say "of course she slept with him, that's the kind of thing she's done for all the time you've known her, you stupid, vapid, useless fucking prick"
bottoming for Lewd Jaw in The Caucasian Cock Circle
wise DNR dotages
weird DNS outages
wondering if it counts if you're not even looking at the screen
Bob Dole doesn't need this
Jude Law Colon Fanny Magnet
she's so damaged she must be staying with him for the free pies
not fully understanding why these couples stay together over the protracted periods of time in which we are observing them, since they're such assholes
a doctor who doesn't apparently understand the ratios of the human body or epidemiology
taxi drivers getting jerked around
forty minutes of assholes with personal boundary issues
all of these people seem to be assholes
all the glittering assholes who appreciate art
Jude Law fantasizes about attending to a queue of strangers like a cum hungry bitch, one in each hole and both hands
Jude Law wants you to wear his wet knickers
Jude Law wants to suck you senseless
Jude Law loves cock
being disarming
it's very rapidly becoming another manic pixie dream girl movie
she's a waif
this walnut and date bread being something else
a whole street full of people pretending to walk on the moon
Jude Law, again, seriously
it may not stop the flinching, or make me a better person, but it certainly passes the time
I even kind of liked the non Jude Law parts of the one where he's a sociopathic feeder
the last time was actually good
does not compute
you don't have to watch these movies if you don't want to
going to get a cup of tea and some snacks and power through one of the movies about couples and their infidelities, of which by your reckoning you have like, five, to watch
r chisellingtusks
sluts is heckling
slut sis heckling
r slutsisheckling
r guiltlesschinks
r shestillsucking
when you bust a nut and she keeps sucking
Myke Hawke branding Ruth England in England with Brandon Routh
Kevin Spacey in a spacious cave
To wake up someone who is sleeping by whacking them across the face with your penis
that's TOO much man!
that's TOO much, man!
Bradley Hitler Smith
ordering a MEGA of unground coffee like some kind of big willie
ordering a MEGA of unground coffee like some kind of big shot
ordering a kilo of unground coffee like some kind of big shot
feeding rye to a gosling with Ryan Gosling and Jon Gosselin in the john
Minnesota Dentist Walter Palmer Acknowledges Shooting New York Vagrant Folk Singer Named Jackson In The Eye With a BB Gun When He Was a Kid
shootin' Jackson C Frank with a bb gun when you were a kid
shootin' puppies with a bb gun when you were a kid
Minnesota Dentist Walter Palmer Acknowledges Killing Zimbabwe Lion Named Cecil
When you straddle a girl in the doggie style position, resting your nuts on her back, and then you pee upward in an arc, having it land on her head
the production will include illusions, skateboarding and many other surprises that will capture the spirit of the film but freshly interpret it for a new audience
where we're going we don't need roads
Jesus wants gay Boy Scout leaders to be 'drowned in the depths of the sea'
doing big willie sous vide style
dying of MMMMBop cancer
dying of boob cancer
MMMMBop
Putin says doing it big willie style
what the ancient Egyptians called 'nous a vire'
what the ancient Egyptians called a 'sour vine'
bottomig for Saturday Night Clive in Underneath the Couch VII
what the ancient Egyptians called a 'souvenir'
doing it tiny tiger style
probably seeing every episode of Saturday Night Clive from underneath the couch
leading on Macduff
Caleb McDuff, Welsh deaf racing driver
big willie hears ye, big willie don't care
in the palm with a bomb like Saddam
Sepp Blatter deserves Nobel Prize for FIFA work, Russia's Vladimir Putin says
doing it big willie style
all over the world high school girls take to the ropes and turn them slow
double Dutch rudders
hosing down fledgelings with Adam Sandler
Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks
being a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
In particular, they took offense to Native women's character names they found insulting, and an instance when an actress portraying an Apache woman squats and urinates while smoking a ceremonial peace pipe
cats are made of glass
it's not like I'm gonna get laid any other way
no not really
being a sex pervert who makes awkward advances toward women
your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery
not being sure you've ever even seen an episode of Saturday Night Live, just clips and parodies and such
Elle Macpherson gets a pass because she's purty
that other than the time he appeared as host and musical guest, even Sting never had a truly sucky costar
not being sure of a lot of things
wondering what unholy alignment of planets resulted in Zach Braff and Maroon Five appearing on the same edition of Saturday Night Live
thinking that including things from Filmography hyphen Self would be a step too far toward Creeptown
fending off movie stars with yo pink attics
that's good Billy
a free daffydil
starlets
fending off movie stars with a pointy stick
yards of queer sumo
you're thinking of Kento
no I can't
you can put away a queer sumo yard
you can put away your masquerade
that exposing yourself is an imposition, but imposing yourself is not an exposition
Man accused of exposing himself to woman bowling for soup at Tigard Walmart
Man accused of exposing himself to woman shopping for kids at Tigard Walmart
Man accused of exposing himself to woman giving birth to kids at Tiny Tigard Walmart
Man accused of exposing himself to woman shopping with kids at Tigard Walmart
rubbing one out in Christina Ricci's bra
just another diamond day
rubbing one out in the bathroom at Christina Ricci's
stealing a bra that looked a lot like Christina Ricci's
a damn
Nar vi ror varann
Puudutus
Inside Adam Savage's Cave Colon Spirited Away No Face Cosplay
bombing around
being savaged by Adam Savage and a damn savage on a damn
you know sooner or later one of us is going to have to go potty
I wanna hold you til I die, til we both break down and cry
getting all bent out of shape
The Screamatorium of Dr Frightmarestein
you just don't like hard work
you were dead weight anyway
I'm leaving you and I'm taking the waffle iron
I never agreed to this
the verb form is okay
we had a covenant on the j word
hey
vegan jaffled tofu turning out to be not undelicious
Executives anticipate ban on gay leaders mounting Boy Scouts
waffled tofu turning out to be not undelicious
i love my whore family
Anticipation mounts as Boy Scouts executives weigh in on gay leader ban
really, we are all seagulls
checking on Sif's rank with Jackson C Frank
marking ruffled buffalo with Mark Ruffalo
Prinnipple Skipper
Prinskipper Skippal
they say the air conditioner will be more powerful than a million hydrogen bombs
wearing nothing but panties to cover your ant's nest
one minute they're thrilling a woman's hand, the next they're chopping off her head
one minute they're kissing a woman's hand, the next they're chopping off her head
getting back to where your aunt spelunked
the death of Bobbi Kristina Brown
instantly actual food
wearing nothing but pasties to cover your pasty skin
female
instantly
actual food
realising you're basically a yellow hat and some zany adventures away from being Todd Chavez
he survived the crash, but he was allergic to peanuts, he died instantly
lumber, we need lumber
Elvice the Pelvice
Your general knowledge expertise indicates you are probably female
The last thing we need in Detroit, birthplace of evil, is having a welcome home party for evil
screwing Cher's Poochie
Cher's Poochie
that Namco's Dragon Buster appears to have been one of the earliest contenders for the introduction of food items as health regen in video games, though it used health potions rather than actual food
your pelvice
that chicken leg really did wonders for my punctured lung and fractured pelvice
wondering what the first video game to feature the "eating food recovers health" trope was
the Dreyfus affair
the batteries violently emerge from Kowalski's penis when he attempts to have sex with a fellow marine
eating pasties and drinking pastis to stave off xerostomia while wearing nothing but pasties to cover your pasty skin
maybe I've been using D cells so long that I need a little extra to spice it up
maybe I'm into that
inserting three AAA sized batteries into your battery for sexual gratification during masturbation
probably, like most things
I think you fucked that one up
battery not full, insert more batteries
electronic urethras with no battery indicator
electronic scales with no battery indicator
not for lack of trying
wondering if you managed to wet Bart Hollin's glans like you wanted
wondering if you managed to get your asshole bleached like you wanted
wanting to walk in the open wind
the Leprechaun violently emerges from Kowalski's penis when he attempts to slam it in the car door
an audible taggant incorporated into the ceramic chip blank
the Leprechaun violently emerges from Kowalski's peanuts when he attempts to have sex with a fellow praline
being allergic to Marmaduke
that on your plane flight last week, there was a passenger on board who was allergic to peanuts, so they repeatedly announced that peanuts were prohibited
the Leprechaun violently emerges from Kowalski's peanuts when he attempts to have sex with a fellow marine
laying the hugest dog's egg
Natural history of peanut allergy and predictors of resolution in the first IV years of life
Death from dogbirth is unusually common in America
Death from childbirth is unusually common in America
Zimbabwean authorities hunt Spaniard accused of killing Cecil the lion
Damn psychopaths! They ruined Glasgow!
Glasgow may have a higher concentration of psychopaths than other cities in Europe
It is as if a malign vapour rises from the Clyde at night and settles in the lungs of sleeping Glaswegians
the Glasgow effect, I'll chin ye
PUNCHEONS of Jar Jar
Phoenix police find decapitated body, mutilated dogs
hogsheads of Jar Jar
acres of Jar Jar
yards of Jar Jar
inches of Jar Jar
apparently only having twelve left to go
still not having noticed any appreciable brickage
not really being a fan of romcomdromedaries but thinking Where The Heart Is is one of the better films you've seen recently
sours
Mexican cows only produce sours cream
just assuming that last regret was the latest Trump campaign slogan
if you spin a cow around real fast, you'll get whipped cream
all the pricks, they move to California, they oughta call it Prickafornia
livin' in the Wal Mart is not my idea of a big success
Wal Mart will open again at nine am tomorrow morning
where the heart are
took fifty five stitches to close her up
playing the fink's lute, if you know what I mean
playing the skin flute, if you know what I mean
playing the rusty trombone, if you know what I mean
playing the French horn, if you know what I mean
French Stewart in the USA
French kissing French Stewart over a plate of French toast while playing the French horn
headin' northward with Edward Norton
Kanye West in West Kenya
starting the day with nu rape dip
starting the day with pain perdu
I dozed off
Obama kisses Kenyans, but also presses government on gay rights, no homo
I for one am intrigued to see how this will end
Obama kills Kenyans, but also presses government on Asian rights
Obama holds Kenyans, but also presses government on fat rights
Obama thrills Kenyans, but also presses government on gay rights
Circuit Judge Pamela Campbell said on Monday that she will permit Hulk Hogan one "plain bandana" during his trial against Gawker for posting excerpts from a secretly taped sex video
He may have slammed the giant, but remembers life's true worth
If you knew my father, if you just walked in his shoes then you would know that microscope that comes with yellow boots
he also makes coffee smile
if you knew my father you would know how hard he fought and the way it brought a smile to people light, medium and dark
Australian police believe child skeleton in suitcase was a little girl who may have died 'some time ago'
good for you
I've been told the sperm bank will accept my spit
Several people listed as part of the "Veterans for Trump coalition" formed by Donald Trump following his incendiary comments about John McCain's war record have denied they are part of the group
Inserting an antique doorknob into my shame portal got me surging pussy batter faster than greased shit off a shiny shovel
If I don't finger blast to get my tuna tunnel tears slobbering from my one slice toaster, his womb raider is going to leave my velcro triangle resembling that bathroom door in The Shining
He eased out a giant colon cobra on my mammaries just so he could suck it up like a pig at a trough
The mixture of stink pickle and steamin' semen in my shit winker created the delicious sphincter sauce that he was so fond of
He knew I couldn't wait to chow down on the stink pickle off his piss pipe
I've been shot over more times than Sarajevo, but the sight of his love lollipop made my fallopian fish stock slobber like a slug in a salt mine
he then proceeded to raid my other vagina
Some girls are happy just to buff the muff when they're alone, but I can't get off without having a gerbil in my gashtray and a ten inch purple battery operated monster up my chocolate starfish
I can't get off without having a lightbulb in my whispering eye and a lightbulb up my tradesman's entrance
The hammering makes me splurge my beige slime all over his wensleydale wand, the unrelenting orgasms from his tallywacker plowing my cod canyon made me come so hard, I began sweating like a paedo during a prison riot
trembling like Micheal J Fox licking a car battery
www dot fiftyshadesgenerator dot com
I want to repair your desire, so pop it up on the bench and I'll see if I can jimmy the case off with a screwdriver
Ninjago Colon Masters of Spinjitzu Colon The Tournament of Elements
telling European Ai Wei Wei that you are expelling urine from your body in the normal fashion
them happening anyway
not agreeing to Water Sports Wednesdays but them happening anyway
agreeing to Water Sports Wednesdays
the Boston Pee Party, every Wednesday at the Boston Aquarium
the Boston Pee Part, wicked pissah
the Boston Pee Party
it's now the domain of drunks and drifters
we tossed out pubic urination when we tossed out King George
yeah, but you're European
being prepared to pee in public if necessary, but very definitely caring about counterpee measures
doubting that people who pee in public would care about soaking themselves in pee
urine resistant back street boys
having sex with that giirl with clown syndrome, do do do de do de do do doo doo
Urine resistant walls in San Francisco back streets shoot pee back
having sex with that giirl with Down syndrome
Urine resistant walls in San Francisco shoot pee back
Hasselhoff Lohan Twenty Sixteen
Pokemon Trump and Hogan
Daredevil Carnage Twenty Sixteen
Daredevil 'Carnage' Teen Jumps Off London's Power Man Bridge, Says Thor
America, unless they were those new Cylons that wear dresses
nom nom noming puree with Om Puri in Vietnam
that if Cylons attacked America and killed Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and John Boehner, Orrin Hatch would have to lead the survivors to safety in a rag tag fleet protected by the Battlestar America, unless they were those new Cylons that wear dresses
Daredevil 'Carnage' Teen Jumps Off London's Tower Bridge, Says Sorry
Horny Horny Hogans
Rodman Jong un Twenty Twenty
Trump Hogan Twenty Sixteen
Horny Horny Hippos
Dennis Rodman tweets out support for Donald Trump, Hulk Hogan
Angry Hungry Hippos
Angry Angry Hippos
having impure thoughts about a teenage Om Puri
VIET NAM FUCKING SHIT
Dan Quayle Presents Hungary Hungary Hippoes
Marky Mark spent forty five days in the pokey after attacking a Vietnamese man on the street and beating him with a wooden stick
having impure thoughts about a teenage Demi Moore
Angry Birds vs Hungry Hungry Hippos
feeling pretty smug about totally dismissing online dating out of hand
One is old enough to be my mother and has a username that, without giving too much away, is an instruction to engage part of my mouth with a baked good she has in her possession
Kento Space Program
telling Ai Wei Wei you wet yourself
Christina Chuppers
Onni Tommila, Tommila for sale
Onni Tommila
Cystina Cinnamon
The Livid Chicks Film
Christina Chinnamon
The Angry Birds Movie
Horshers
I don't like that one of the Cs is hard and the other soft
Christina Cinnamon is an excellent and apparently unclaimed pornstar name
how many Christines Cinnamon there are
The Beautiful Buns of Christina Cinnamon
cinnamon buns
Martin Pang
Chinaman arson
an anachronism
not even knowing who Gene Hunt is
dating a daughter who's doting on DOTA
Kento attempts to have sex with a large marine mammal
poo to poo combat
Lohan to Lohan combat
pooing with TWO erections
pooing without an erection
erection to erection combat
hand to hand pooing
Morgellons disease
Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis emerges when Kento attempts to have sex with a large marine mammal
hand to hand combat
pooing with an erection
tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking and when she passes each leprechaun she passes has an erection
you shouldn't be able to pass a Leprechaun with an erection, and you shouldn't try to force it
you shouldn't be able to pee with an erection, and you shouldn't try to force it
bottoming for VD Salinger in The Blister on Her Thigh
Holdin' Cockfield
Gay Kinsella
Kevin Fisther
VD Salinger
peeing with an erection
trying and failing to make porn names of JD Salinger, Kevin Costner, Ray Kinsella, and Holden Caulfield
bottoming for Pantsless Joe in Penis of Reams VII
violently emerging from Benjamin Buttocks' curious cans
meeting Brain Pepper's
violently emerging from Brian Pepper's penis
all I see is an penis of reams, real Leprechauns burstin' out of every seam
violently emerging from that guy's penis in the communal laundry room
violently emerging from Kowalski's penis in the bathroom at church
Tilda Swinton violently emerges from Kowalski's penis when he attempts to have sex with Lieutenant Dan
Tilda Swinton violently emerges from Kowalski's penis when he attempts to have sex with a fellow marine
run, Forrest!
she's doing it right now
Tilda Swinton does
I don't know about you, but I didn't emerge from my mother's penis
it depends on whether you view the act of birth as an intrinsically violent act
wondering why it is necessary to point out that the Leprechaun "violently" emerged from the penis, since you would guess that any man, even a very small one, emerging from a penis would be a fairly violent affair
Warwicky Warwick
Warwick Davis and the Tiny Bunch
thinking the titular Leprechaun was played by Marky Mark based on the poster, but apparently it was Warwick Davis
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the Leprechaun out of a penis trope
the Leprechaun violently emerges from Kowalski's penis when he attempts to have sex with a fellow marine who looks a lot like Christina Ricci
Pokemon Years and Experience
years and experience
he'd be happy to help you find the best, and the Price of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the King of the
feeling unutterably sheltered and naive at times despite your years and experience
feeling Wedgeless, break off the attack, the shield is still up!
other people laying their woes on you, and though you tried to be cool and discreet, you sought advice from a third party who told you even worse things to try and frame it in perspective
the kind of jokes that don't really work on a page
feeling disenfranchised and taking action to change your situation, only to end up running a KFC behind a minimall scheduled for demolition
feeling wadgeless
wondering if we blew our wadge with the whole lOOk thing
having a season of early start Saturdays coming up, starting in about six hours
wondering where that leprechaun was during Tailhook
don't lean on me, man, 'cause I ain't got time for anal rape ting, something Rectal City
anal rape rectal city ting rectal city ting anal rape
your crystal ball ain't so crystal clear
intergalactic planetary planetary intergalactic
if a walrus fell from heaven it would land in Kento's ass
wondering if God can create a gay Asian so fat that even He could not Eiffel Tower it with a walrus
Janine, sorry about the coma thing, I'll be in my office
building a ninety foot ship shaped like a swan
actually, it was a coma
i imgur com twosixBxEih png
falling asleep in the theater during Batman Begins and consequently never seeing either sequel
McPluto
seeing a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine
nobody doesn't like molten boron
how unnatural it feels in twenty fifteen to be handling a DVD case in order to obtain the media which you desire
wait actually she probably is
neither is Ivana Trump
Michael Palin isn't even an American citizen
Trump Palin Twenty Sixteen
wondering who would be batshit crazy enough to be Donald Trump's running mate
the murderous glee in Demi Moore's eyes as she shits down your throat until you die
Demi Moore's Pooface
Pooface
Clifford the Big Red Psychic Squid Shark
i imgur com AfQzoneoneU dot jpg
An alternate juror in the Colorado theater shooting trial showed up in court wearing a Metallica T shirt with the image of a penny being electroplated
An alternate juror in the Colorado theater shooting trial showed up in court wearing a Metallica T shirt with the image of a man being electrocuted
Jabba the Trump
he does, however, celebrate "Donald Trump is Really Smart and Successful Day" on December twenty fifth, in which he demands a ten percent tithe from all of his employees
President TRUMP refuses to work with Vice President, insists he "cannot work with people who don't have what it takes to reach the top"
Donald Trump doesn't celebrate Christmas because he thinks Jesus is "really dumb" and "a loser," and he likes people who "don't get crucified"
what you can get a TRUMP for Christmas, when he already owns a comb
what you get for the man who has everything
he normally has to pay to get that done, so it would be a good gift
wanting to tenderize TRUMP's loins with a mallet for his birthday
TRUMP has a great line of STEAKS, but where are the bricks and mortar
Trump has a great line of shit, but where are the bricks and mortar
I'm the most successful person ever to run for the presidency, by far, Nobody's ever been more successful than me, I'm the most successful person ever to run
I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man, he made a good decision
I would take one and put it in charge of Japan
this was back when being Texan in Asia was not as fun as it is today
Black guys counting my money! I hate it, The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day
this was back when being Asian in Texas was not as fun as it is today
this was back when being fat in Texas was not as fun as it is today
this was back when being gay in Texas was not as fun as it is today
It also charged that the company had required different rental terms and conditions because of race and that it had misrepresented to blacks that apartments were not available
The Government contended that Trump Management had refused to rent or negotiate rentals 'because of race and color'
in order to keep their spirits up during hard times, the slaves would frequently drop sick beats
the antebellum mode of expressing one's feeling through interpretive dance
tap dancing slaves
from slavery to the present
a musical revue telling the story, through tap, of black history from slavery to the present
Pokemon da Noise and da Funk
Bill and Roman's Bogus Journey
Roman Polanski's Sexy Elementary School Adventure!!!
I don't think I can do any better right now
Roman Polanski's Sexy High School Adventure!!!
John Cena's Sexy High School Adventure!!!
diagnosing your symptoms as characteristic of Scientological waffletastic Mykehawkeical Christinariccia
kind of sick I am
diagnosing your symptoms as characteristic of sinusoidal diabetic meningococcal leukemia
kind of sick you are
wondering if you were serious about meeting up way back
being the kind of delirious you would say is more slightly in touch with reality than the mind of a three year old
being slightly delirious
thinking maybe you dreamed the mouse noise
lying in bed with nausea and a headache trying to decide what kind of sick you are
bottoming for Angus Beef in Pounded Rump VII
he offers nothing but rump roast that has been pounded way too long
Donald Trump has refused to release his long form birth certificate and passport records
those whack invertebrates will sting you, old school!
IKEDA STEAKS
you don't know that he didn't buy it from Kento's merch site
he borrowed that hat from Kento
BUTT SLUT
I demand a rerace
i imgur com FZVJsbM jpg
A hulking restaurant patron who told South Carolina cops that "Hulkamania was still running wild, brother" was arrested Saturday night after allegedly assaulting a female waitress who asked him to leave the eatery
A hulking restaurant patron who told South Carolina cops that he "smash puny humans" was arrested Saturday night after allegedly assaulting a female waitress who asked him to leave the eatery
A hulking restaurant patron who told South Carolina cops that he "had been joking with an African American family and calling them racial slurs" was arrested Saturday night after allegedly assaulting a female waitress who asked him to leave the eatery
Hulking It
eating at Hulking McDonald's
A hulking McDonald's employee was arrested yesterday after allegedly chinning his pregnant girlfriend during an argument in their Glasgow home
injecting students with hypnotic drugs, inducing shock by withdrawing their blood, and performing rectal exams in class "Wet Hot American Summer" gets a reboot
a quarter of the dried oregano sold in the UK contained substitute plants
injecting students with hypnotic drugs, inducing shock by withdrawing their blood, and performing rectal exams in class
"Wet Hot American Summer" gets a reboot
A hulking McDonald's employee was arrested yesterday after allegedly urinating on his pregnant girlfriend during an argument in their Florida home
Shameel caught Claude sending photos of his private parts to other women
anal bee time
beetlemania
rhizomania
lending your beets to a sick beetdropper
dropping sick beats
Angry Swamp Wives
Darth Boobs
eating muskmelon and lox with Elon Musk and a muskox on the lawn by Loch Ness
Bill Talks About Drugs Hard
Hard Bill Talks About Drugs
Bill Talks About Hard Drugs
There was also the seeming unending parade of pretty young women that streamed through the studio
later woman cheese
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard listening to Chinese Japanese English hip hop
imagining asking
Bill Cosby tells kids to 'say no to pills' in nineteen seventy one Grammy winning album
British giving love
Frank Pokemon
training Jewel's bobos
death boobs
death bobos
blood drinking
feeling walrus even
everything North
anal past cat
hugest comments must came
drawing regrets picture
well fucking Towered Bandit
pretty fuck eating
ass index
dick wars
white Jackson
naked swans
Kento's bottoming
Lydon milk night
getting gay sex
Roman Polanski's rhetoric style falling somewhere between "eighty year old Jewish man on the playground" and "badumm tish!"
i imgur com HMcSfpb png
Donald Trump's rhetoric style falling somewhere between "six year old on the playground" and "eighty year old Jewish man who is gravely dissatisfied with the service at his deli"
Bunch of real clowns
stupid sexy Flanders
people can see through the glasses
he put glasses on, so people will think he's smart
stupid Flanders
At the time of his death, Flanders had been working on a documentary about the rash of deaths in the BASE jumping community
lying too close to the mouse
just kinda scrabbling
it is speaking in mouse voice
thinking you can hear a mouse in the wall again
giving birth to a flaming ball of superheated hydrogen one point four million kilometres in diameter
flying too close to the son
I've let my slut groan come between me and my sun
son
I've let my organ lust come between me and my sun
bottoming for Jeremy Corbyn in Moron Colon I
Margaret Beckett Moron I was colon to nominate Jeremy Corbyn
circus peanuts, raisins, nicotine gum
making lemon meringue pie with limes one time and it being kind of boring and a fairly unpleasant camo green underneath, and another time with Sevilles, which turned out to be less exciting than you'd hoped, ps it was all vegan
that more than twelve hours later the headline still reads "Margaret Beckett Colon I was moron to nominate Jeremy Corbyn", implying a level of accuracy and thought on the part of the writer that really speaks to the strengths of the BBC
he basically looks like a lemon meringue pie after the walrus finishes
the very notion that that volume of cum could form any kind of identifiable shape on Kento's forehead
looking kinda dumb with a load of walrus cum in the shape of an L on your forehead
waiting for the beet to kick in, which it will tomorrow morning when you add the sugar which is refined from sugar beets, hoyvin flavin glavin, oh my
a bottom jeer
a better mojo
beetroot jam
looking kinda dumb with your finger and your thumb in the shape of an L on your forehead
waiting for the beet to kick in, but it never does
finally getting all the goddamn fruit dealt with
waiting for the beat to kick in, but it never does
CC Peniston shooting some b ball outside of the school into Jackson C Frank's eye
that whenever you see the regret numbers of recent regrets, it feels like we have started fresh anew, ready to change the site for the better
Just chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b ball outside of the school in Cedar Rapids
getting all the little stalks off colouredcurrants takes too much time
it's not really racist unless there's such a place as Irefrance
that's racist
getting all the little stalks off blackcurrants takes too much time
fortunately for your sexual orientation, the chances of meeting a Pierre O'State are vanishingly small
being personally pretty glad you aren't a woman, because if you were then no matter how incompatible you were you'd still have to try and wet Bart Hollin's glans with your Bartholin's glands
time takes too much time
no longer recalling the feel of a lover's flesh against your own having to wait for the weekend to bleach your asshole when you first get in
Just chilling in Cedar Rapids
no longer recalling the feel of a lover's flesh against your own having to wait for the weekend to bleach your asshole
when you first get in
no longer recalling the feel of a lover's flesh against your own
having to wait for the weekend to bleach your asshole
that you used to sleep nude right up until last year, when you decided you were sick of the little shiver cold bedsheets give when you first get in
tits that feel like a sock full of cottage cheese
that's why I sleep nude
inly realising after midnight that the tshirt you wore all day is actually the pajama top you wore to bed last night
the ecology of the sock drawer
it is the natural enemy of the panty ant
The Henry of Berlin Fuck Adventures
the yeast worm is a parasite most commonly found in a bread lined vagina
no, no you're trying to trick me, Yeast Worm
no, no you're trying to trick me, Tom Sawyer
I would start by showing the original dinosaur comics entry
sometimes I want to explain all of this to real people, but there's no good way to have that conversation
every hour of every day
do you ever question the things we do here
okay, we only have ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety seven regrets to go before the big IIOOk
it's part of the production art for Diablo IV
even hell isn't that cruel
that's the punishment we'll get when we die
One Hundred Thousand Years of Drawing a Picture of Kento Being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a Walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
the number nine
that's no jaffle
jafflatio
Vegan Harvey Jaffle
Myke Jaffle
not saving any jaffles for later
holy shit, this is exciting, jaffle
that we're on our last couple jaffles
jaffle shoes
The Breakfast and the Two Jaffles
Michael Jaffleson
there are now one hundred sixty four incidences of the word jaffle
Jaffle,
Star Trek into Jaffles
Jafflesalem
jaffle cakes
finding it jaffling that baffles have taken over
nuclear jaffles
Star Trek II Colon The Jaffles of Khan
Professor Jaffle
memorising every Jaffle Trek episode
We all know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so why not start your day right with this big breaky jaffle
Boobies Jaffle, Jedi Knight
Boobies Jaffle Geldof
buying multiple copies of the jaffle "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
boobies, jaffle
Welsh jaffles lOOk you
Belgian jaffles
trying to make waffles in your jaffle iron
being slain by a jaffle golem
there are many ways to die worse than being trapped in Jewel's boobies, jaffle
wondering if Jewel left a boobytrap at lOOk, jaffle
wondering if Ryan left a boobytrap at lOOk, jaffle
she's a rich girl, she don't try to hide it, jaffles on the soles of her shoes
melting Brian Peppers with cheese inside him between two huge heated metal plates like some kind of horrible jaffle
Kate Jaffleton
Carlos Acosta from Havana's streets to the Jaffle Ballet
Arthur Jaffles Raffles
raffling jaffles
snaffling falafel with jaffles and jam with waffles
being slain by a jaffle
the word jaffle losing all meaning
Twin Long Jaffles #Two
being born too late for tall jaffle and too early for space jaffles
eating those jaffles from the boardwalk
jaffleholing Willie Mays
slamming your jaffle in Jewel's boobs
slamming your jaffle in the car door
masturbating with your cut off jaffle
A THIRD of a frozen jaffle
half a frozen jaffle
playing World of Jafflecraft
jaffleworld
proposing that once we reach lOOk, the word jaffle be banned from the regret index in perpetuity
jaffle is the centerfold
jafflecasting
FULLY FUNCTIONAL jaffles
making the hugest jaffle
jaffle's mom has got it goin' on
smelling sex and jaffles, here
imagining a zombified Ronald Reagan literally fucking himself with half a frozen jaffle
being jaffles
eating jaffles
drawing a picture of Kento smearing peanut butter on his jaffles as Clifford the Big Red Dog looks on
if her daddy's rich, take her out for a jaffle, if her daddy's poor, just do something awful
eating that whole thing of jaffles and puking in bed
sand in your jaffle
eating jaffles off of your own boobs
Chris Lydon's bizarre, toasted, jafflelike penis
sprinking jaffles on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
wanting to make Kento a hot brown jaffle for his birthday
drawing a picture of Kento being Jaffle Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
taking off your clothes and yelling "JAFFLES I am in HEAT"
pulling out your jaffle and yelling "it's a BEAST of a FEAST" in Cat's Lair
Ron Jaffle
dairy free jaffles
gluten free jaffles
kosher vegan jaffles
vegan jaffles
the fifty ghost jaffles
finding it surreal that we're just eighty one jaffles from lOOk
all work and no play makes jaffles a dull meal
jaffles for highly specific reasons
jaffles for no particular reason
meandering around Tate St Ives thinking about Rachel Stevens' jaffles for no particular reason
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE THERE IS ONLY JAFFLE
Jaffles Lucas
Thai Sex Show Involving Jaffles Shut Down After Rihanna Tweets About It
the amazing Jaffle Index
Jaffle Jaffle Binks
Jaffle the Hutt
boom, boom, boom, boom, I want you in my jaffles
TRUMP JAFFLES
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect jaffle
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner, jaffle
Moby posing in jaffles
hey now, you're a jaffle star
listening to Chinese Jafflese English hip hop
dating the French guy who looks like Jaffle Dickinson
electroplating your jaffle
getting ants in your jaffle
getting sand in your jaffle
Pokemon Waffles and Jaffles
getting a jawful of jaffles
jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles jaffles
that Ryan is an inconsiderate jaffle
Teenage Mutant Ninja Jaffles
she cries your name, "jaffles", three times again
learning about jaffles browsing wikipedia on your phone while sitting on Lou Reed's toilet
spending an hour or two up to your elbows in soft fruit, and jaffles of course
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the jaffles out of a shoe trope
candy jaffles
making waffles in a jaffle iron and jaffles in a waffle iron
hey guys, remember Jafflala
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vajaffle
eating poutine jaffles with Miikka Kiprusoff
playing Jaffles & Jeggings with Tim Duncan
Sonny Jaffle Moore
making a raclette galette jaffle
The Tremendous Tang of Jimmy Jaffles
leaving the remains of that totally awesome jaffle you bought earlier in your car in the summer
only remembering hours later that you should have asked how HER jaffle was
hey guys, remember jaffles
Fifty Plates of Jaffles
winning the Nobel Prize in Jaffletology with seventeen votes
Jaffletology
rubbing one out in the jaffles at church
spooning Jaffle's boobs
having jaffles with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
jaffles are counterrevolutionary
toasting her left one until she had a jafflegasm
stealing that girl's jaffle from the communal jaffle maker
making jaffles in a sweatshop for the western markets
that you have a jaffle maker that you might just bust out today
confusing jaffles with jeggings
all I see is an Jaffle Tower of reams, real cheese burstin' out of every seam
meeting Brian Jaffles
of course I'll jaffle you
one hundred and forty regrets about jaffles
proposing that each regret written between now and lOOk must contain the word "jaffles"
I can't abide those jaffles
using the word "jaffletastic"
jaffles
When the CBC is the most reliable news source about your country, you know you're hoser, eh
tidal America tits, eh
When the BBC is the most reliable news source about your country, you know you're moron, cheerio
materialistic death
materialistic life
borrowing them, all of them, and not just the speeders, but the robes, and the lightsabers, they were the trappings of a materialistic life, and you borrowed them like the trappings of a materialistic life
Hayden Christensen Colon Blood on the Sand
Fitty Cent Testifies He Borrows His Bling
Donald Trump's campaign slogan
I am asshole, hear roar
PLEASE TRUST ME I AM ASSHOLE
Margaret Beckett Colon I was moron to nominate Jeremy Corbyn
CC Peniston being late to the party
LL Cool J being late to the party
When Shalom Life is the most reliable news source about your country, you know you're a mess, oy vey
liking to know where you got the notion to rock the boat, don't rock the boat baby
liking to know where you can get a basket of lotion
liking to know where you can get a subscription to Notion
When Notion is the most reliable news source about your country, you know you're a mess, eh
When The Onion is the most reliable news source about your country, you know you're a mess
receiving oral sex after a massage from BJ Palmer
that right this moment you are watching the scene on Full House where the chimp spanks and jerks off Uncle Jesse
oh how they danced, the little children of Stonehenge
listening to ZZ Top
drawing a picture of DD Palmer being Eiffel Towered by CC Peniston and ee cummings while AA Nemtheanga and BB King braid their penises together in the background
singing "I love extreme metal, so put another AA sized battery in my urethra, baby"
Alan Alda mashing three AA sized vril batteries into Alan Averill's urethra all day
Avril Lavigne inserting three AA sized batteries into Alan Averill's urethra in a latrine
inserting three AA sized batteries into Alan Averill's urethra
not belonging to fundamental DNA type foursixseven nineeightnine
belonging to fundamental DNA type foursixseven nineeightnine
The Daleks were a race of genetically engineered mutants belonging to fundamental DNA type foursixseven nineeightnine who were originally from the planet Skaro
drawing a picture of BB King being Eiffel Towered by AA Nemtheanga and CC Peniston
drawing a picture of Alan Averill being Eiffel Towered by Jude Law and Jude Chaos
never having seen any of Jude Chaos' work, but instantly liking the guy for no real reason
Primordial is an extreme metal band from Skerries, County Dublin, Ireland
the primordial struggle between Jude Law and Jude Chaos
every time it rains it rains panties from heaven
finding it strange that, although you feel almost revolted by Jude Law and aren't willing to cut him any slack, you don't feel like torturing yourself watching all of his films in some kind of vainglorious attempt to face down your own fears
imagining someone with a less physical aversion to two of the stars, one of which borders on revulsion, would get a lot more out of what was almost certainly a good film with some outstanding performances
William Chang Suk Ping
Wong Kar Wai
JUDE LAW used ROOFIES! It was SUPER CREEPY!
half expecting all the damaged women to show up for the final scene and gorge themselves on pies nobody else in all of New York wanted
it was super hot and if you wanted to put on a few dozen pounds again I'd totally help out with that, our kid
that last night you were here, when you practically ate an entire pie by yourself
not being sure Elizabeth has experienced any profound personal changes as she appears to believe she has
a half order of mashed fries with a medium rare steak
Jude Law asking if he can come inside
being unnecessarily mean in the imminent fear of more Jude Law lesbian card sharks
the third act was weaker but still good
being unnecessarily mean in the imminent fear of more Jude Law
lesbian card sharks
nailing that girl's bra to the floor of the communal laundry room sometimes your rhythm's off
nailing that girl's bra to the floor of the communal laundry room
sometimes your rhythm's off
still flinching
tied in a knot and nailed to the floor
thinking that's a hell of a bra
calling someone "germy", then kissing them
all I see is an Eiffel Tower of reams, real cum burstin' out of Kento
Pus in Boners
Trump said he had a pus boner in his foot but couldn't recall which one
Trump said he had a bone spur in his foot but couldn't recall which one
Jude Law doesn't want any fried chicken
the second act is actually really good so far
a feeder gets turned on by making a thin girl fat
Feeder are a British rock band based in Newport, Wales
Jude Law's fake Manchester accent video diary
she's found his feeder website and the fatworld entry he made for her
Jude Law's fake Manchester accent, which he really could have done some research for, but instead he seems to have watched Emmerdale and said "close enough"
if this is really ninety minutes of Jude Law feeding pie to women you may die
Dual Jew causing cancer
If I threw these keys away, then those doors would be closed forever, and I Jude Law would not be able to burglarize at will anywhere in the city
Jude Law laughing about causing cancer
Jude Law causing cancer
wondering how it is possible for Jude Law to have such a fake British accent
oh for fuck's sake, it's Jude cunting Law
getting back on the punishment horse with 'My Blueberry Nights', a film about which you know no more than the title
finding it hard to believe nobody in Donald Trump's own self avowed ruthless circles has had him killed, imprisoned, or discredited and bankrupted yet, like they do in Russia
wondering what the odds are that Donald Trump will claim he literally has the biggest penis of the Republican field before the end of the year
I will have the most Canadian bacon, because I deserve it, eh
I will have the most bacon, because I deserve it
adultererers
adulters
in Biblical times, Canadian adulters were buried up to their necks in sand
hosing down Canadian adulterers
One in five Ottawa residents allegedly subscribed to hosers' website Ashley Madison
One in five Ottawa residents allegedly subscribed to adulterers' website Ashley Madison
deep dream thrombosis
putting a picture of a kid into Deep Dream and getting back a picture of a dog
putting a picture of a walrus, a picture of Kento, and a picture of Chris Lydon into Deep Dream and getting back a picture of Kento, a picture of Chris Lydon, and a picture of a walrus, respectively
you really shouldn't leave those lying around at the beach where dogs can get hold of them
you really shouldn't leave those lying around at the beach where kids can get hold of them
it was covered in sand, though
there's nothing wrong with that, if it's what you're into
I almost went with a Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks
once again I concede your victory
remixing the hugest kosher vegan screaming shellfish sex on the beach on seven inch brown vinyl in Seven Brown Inches VII, eh vey
remixing the hugest kosher vegan screaming shellfish sex on the beach on seven inch brown vinyl, eh vey
mixing the hugest kosher vegan screaming shellfish sex on the beach, eh vey
dumping the hugest kosher vegan screaming shellfish, eh
dumping the hugest vegan screaming fish, eh
dumping the hugest screaming fish, eh
dumping the hugest fish, eh
Dumped PLATINUMfish turn into giants in Canadian waters
Dumped goldfish turn into giants in Canadian waters
America already had Lindsay Lohan's personal cell number
Donald Trump gave out Lindsay Lohan's personal cell number to America
Donald Trump gave out Lindsey Graham's personal cell number to America
Yuebing
Kouign amann
Krampouezhenn gwinizh du
Breton galette
death by hugest dump
Demi Moore drowning a man in her poo
drowning in Demi Moore's poo
Legally Blonde on Barely Legally Blonde
Barely Legal Blondes
I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer and I'm Ed Bradley and welcome to Jackass
man found swimming in poo
'I've killed once and I'll kill again,' Demi Moore speaks about dead man found in swimming pool
Pokemon Cougar Life and Established Men
having impure thoughts about the Rosso Sisters
Reese Witherspoon Presents Legally Blondes
Legally Blonde II Colon Red, White & Blonde
omerta Peter Nippers
omerta Brian Peppers
Kevin James thrombosis
One million Australians could be exposed in Ashley Madison hack, crikey
the way we look to a distant constipation that's dumping in a corner of the sky
milk vein thrombosis
Twelve Inch Snorks #Two
Pokemon "Tooting" and "Beeping"
Unlike his friends in Snorkland, Jo Jo has two twelve inch snorks, making him faster and stronger than all others, but he does not like to be taken just as a "big, brave, simple hearted hunk"
A green skinned, good natured male Snork with dark green hair who is affected by aphasia and can "communicate" only through "tooting" and "beeping"
Damn Snorks! They ruined Snorkland!
it's that guy who couldn't get any off ya
The Snorks are a race of small, colorful beings that live happily in the undersea world of Snorkland
New saliva test may catch Alzheimer's disease early
Fruhstuck bei Herr Boobs
her boobs
kind of loving Gene Talia, that magnificent bastard
meating Brian Peppers
verbing an adjective noun adverbally
penises omit verb, d'oh
pensive bedroom shit
bird pees son vomit, eh
deep vein thrombosis
Kento gangnam style
bottoming for Idi Amin in Black McAngusbang VII
using the word "waffletastic" rubbing one out in the bathroom at church sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci stealing that girl's bra from the communal laundry room
I just called my late mother, and she said, 'Don't worry, it's just a lack of education'
wanting to make Kento a McGangBang for his birthday, I'll chin ye
leaning over the counter and asking for a McGangBang in particular might cause a little confusion
Tam Honks
Ham Knots
Otm Shank
Sunbathers Banned on Riviera Beach for Royal Saudi Stay
Sanders to Clinton Colon "Leftwards Turn, Hag"
Leftwards Turn, Hag
Wrathful Dragnets
Flagrant Turd Shew
Grand Theft Walrus
Walrus Dating App
Create a major dragon character and potential love interest in the game in accordance with our writers and artists
Dragon Dating Simulator
New York I Love You Inappropriately
Everybody Loves Raymond Inappropriately
Everyone Says I Love Soon Yi Inappropriately
the death of Gary Mack at the hands of a cabal of Texas oil barons, Russian oligarch former KGB agents, Zionist hardliners, Cuban assassins, and the Black Panthers
ninety minutes of Woody Allen saying "yes, you have to"
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Nonconsensual Underage Sex But Were Afraid to Ask
Woody Allen in the throes of orgasm
saying ni hao to Annie Hall
It's like a notch underneath child molester
Best toy ive owned, Nice size n lenght, Im a lesbian n me n my gf use it all the time on each other, It will fill u up colon colon parenthesis
It has a slight chemical rubber odor but only detectable if you hold it close to your nose
Doc Johnson Bam Huge Realistic Cock black
being slain by a sixteen inch rubber penis
It was good, but it wasn't big enough
bottoming for Paul Walker and Tyrese Gibson in Two Big Two Insert
every man even though experienced in his back door should always respect his limitations thank you john
It was a gift but she enjoys it
"wonderful tonight" playing in your head, unbidden
For me, the extra length is absolutely perfect for how it looks when my woman walks in the room wearing it
Once you've mastered Bam, you should be able to start working on this monster
I am not letting her out of the crawlspace until it fits
She can't even get her mouth around it
I just want to see her ride this gigantic cock
party boners
She can't use lube it gives her bacterial infections
I got this for my girlfriend, to big to insert
the reviews of "The Colossus Huge Dildo Five Pounder!"
party boyars
The Colossus Huge Dildo Five Pounder!
you took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it AGAINST the Harlem Globetrotters
taking the hugest TRUMP
the rest of the world may or may not have veterans hospitals
I will build the finest and most modern veterans hospitals in the world
a large dildo, commonly used by lonely men
an irrestistable boy who is the best at all sports and gets all the girls and is the best party boyer
Trump Colon 'I Don't Need to Be Lectured by Failed Politicians'
tucking your kris in Chris Tucker
Sir Richard Branson and the Three Demons of Business
the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business
cute short women
somedbody had to take those midget bastards down a few pegs
naming the lord of the underworld after a cartoon dog
while Pluto watches, enviously
in space
drawing a picture of Jared Fogle uncharitably feeding his six inch jelly sandwich to a middle school girl's vagina
space is the place for Star Wars
My Vagina Eats Men's Jelly Sandwiches Uncharitably Now
Randy Newman Sings Songs About Star Wars
Jared Fogle Colon Ex Subway Spokesman Told Woman 'I Wish They All Could Be California Middle School Girls'
bigger, softer, better
Mentos Khao Dimaag Ki bati jalao
Jared Fogle Colon Ex Subway Spokesman Told Woman 'Middle School Girls Are Hot'
Donald Trump masturbating to a commissioned portrait of himself masturbating to a video of himself masturbating
I'm just a small world of the King and the London Stock Market and you are a number of people who are designated as partners in an amended version of the most common type of person
getting caught making crank calls to Jurassic Park by dilophosaurus
teaching a walrus to podcast
Kento's brass ring
Kento's brass nipples
making Kento eat brass olives
You got to work out for all occasions when you can
I have a look at the moment, but I think the best way to get the best way to get the most of the King of the Crown Estate is not available
the conversation can only end with a cheerful admonition about your own marital status
wedding talk from married people
the very idea of pimento mentos
putting the lime in Kento's nuts
putting pimento mentosin Kento's bentos
Susan B Anthony Weiner
Macrosusan B Anthony
Anthony Gigantic
Tiny Tony Little
Tony Little
I like people who weren't captured
just having really very attractive cousins
wondering what is up with all these afternoon delights lately
being rocked by a doc cu'o'c
wondering what is up with all these afternoon naps lately
Kerb Stomp Space Program
being slain by a doc cu'o'c
Pokemon Joker, Smoker, and Midnight Toker
Kerbal Bra Bong Program
BRA KERB BONG
only shooting stars
the hole in the satellite picture
New Kids Cruise
Miley Cyrus NKOTBSB
KNOB GRABBER
Sir Isaac Newton John
hairs aperitif
i imgur com CfiveeightMfourOsix jpg
drinking juice and eating Newtons with Juice Newton
dismayed digestifs
the Lord the God of Israel Himself is their inheritance
stressed desserts
Wrecking Ball chatroulette version
being pretty sure Beyonce mumbling over the theme from Knight Rider isn't a real record
Miloaf would do anything to wreck your balls
exempting the Levites from taxation
sewing Miley Cyrus's severed head onto Meatloaf's shoulder
Miley Cyrus MEATLOAF
Miley Cyrus LEWDOAF
Miley Cyrus OBGYN
Starbeck
they put us on the Waiting to Exhale waiting list but they said don't hold your breath
Miley Cyrus HSBC
forgetting how terrible radio is until you find yourself stuck in a house where it constantly plays
MY FOWL ADE
MY LEWD OAF
MY DEAF OWL
REO Miley Cyruswagon
Miley Cyrus CEO
resting bitch face
WOLFY DAME
foxy lady
Hollywood BS Rape Mk N
that there are dedicated gay porn forums that discuss gay porn, I'm wankin' here
Miley Cyrus SEO
Hollywood Sperm Bank
a masterpiece of supernatural sex
Beikkkoott
Myke Hawke hugging a cocky Mike Hugg
Tteokbokki
that there are dedicated gay porn forums that discuss gay porn
that there are dedicated gay porn forums that discuss gay porn less than we do here
He posed shirtless for a highly visible Hudson Jeans billboard advertisement seen on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood
Sperm Bank
thinking you should either be funny or go to sleep, and being all out of funny
sex phone sex phone, it's your sex phone, soliciting sex workers is a native function
We would appreciate an experienced staff member to make this happen at your leisure and have no hesitation to make this payment
drunk celeb pic gallery of the King and I
to sell to the drunk, hungry, horny bears
to the campground
wishing you had the forethought to bring snacks
Twink downs thirty six beers, passed around at campground
Twink downs thirty six beers, passes out at campground
i imgur com TzerobninereightG jpg
Bear downs thirty six beers, passes out at campground
Princess Elizabeth and her mother performing nazi salutes while showing off their bikini bodies
Princess Elizabeth and her mother performing nazi salutes spooning Milana Vayntrub's boobs
Princess Elizabeth and her mother performing nazi salutes
spooning Milana Vayntrub's boobs
feeling the beat of the rhythm of the night
to run away from you is all that I could do
recreationally, or as your phone would have it, recreational lying in the UK and overseas
calling yourself a chump, recreationally
the glamour of a hardwood floor sleeping bag combo
sleeping bags
you earthbound wingless chump
not keeping your music in the cloud, like an angel
like some kind of giant chump
not loading your phone with music before a weekend away
shaking her up and shaking her down, shaking her round and round the town
bottoming for Cliff Dumpster in Talent Production VII
Ready Steady Cook
Talent Producer Cliff Dempster
Chopped Canada
it must have been a hell of a flight
the band is dead
thinking that you had an email about Fun Lear, but it was just about fun learning
wanting to make Kento TRUMP STEAKS for his birthday
the Aurora Borealis, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within Kento's anus
wanting to make Kento aurora borealis for his birthday
Just make sure she consented after your done
wanting to make Kento a steamed ham for his birthday
wanting to make Kento a crazy toy for his birthday
wanting to make Kento a crazy unicorn for his birthday
Durring doggystyle sex, running the girl into a wall, then backing up and repeating
wanting to make Kento a crazy train for his birthday
wanting to make Kento a crazy man for his birthday
Johnny Newspaperseed
the fireworks, candy, and puppydog store
wanting to make Kento a glazed ham for his birthday
if it's quaaludes I don't really want to know
that I should teach you the secret to reentering regrets
the joke was repetitive sex talk, which I assume has not gone out of fashion
the intended joke falls down here because I don't know how to reliably re enter regrets
you like that
ee can break it right now if you want to
hoping that we'll break the lOOk barrier at a time when both of us are here
not knowing whether Rachel Stevens had some particular costume that she often wore that is distinctive to her, because if she doesn't then you're basically just dressing Kento up in a bikini
fitting the new sink in your sister's kitchen, if you know what I mean
Bijou Oral Din
Researchers have found a new soylent that tastes like bacon and is twice as healthy as kale
taking what you can get
wanting to make Kento dress up like Rachel Stevens and give you a lap dance for his birthday
kosher vegan seaweed bacon
suspecting you will be fitting the new sink in your sister's kitchen at the time we hit lOOk
Diablo Junior
the singer of the Pokemon Battle Frontier theme song sounding like Tom Petty
Researchers have found a new seaweed that tastes like bacon and is twice as healthy as kale
Mark Hamill as Detective Mosely
Netizens are discussing the alleged rudeness Girl's Day member Minah showed towards Yura during a live radio show
suspecting that you will be flying over the Atlantic at the time we hit lOOk
listening to half chinease long haired Japanese English hip hop, desu ne, cheerio, no homo
throwing The One Ring into the fires of Mt Mood
reaming the mood
cornholing the mood
thrilling the mood
kissing the mood
you look mad soak
that's no mood
Like "planking" only your dick is inside of a Mormon
killing the mood
theodorophilia
simonophilia
alvinophilia
dating a woman who was into Mormon style soaking, or possibly just found sex painful and wanted to slow it down without killing the mood
his balls
giving a bj to a fine shemale while her cruel anal lab forgoes jelly and goes balls deep in you
getting a bj from a fine female while her yellow lab licks jelly off his balls
Annie Hall Get Your Gun
bad Woody Allen musicals
listening to Manhattan Venice Paris hip hop
we could have been anything that we wanted to be, and it's not too late to change
wondering just how deaf you've gotten
being cranky because of some kind of horrible systemic infection centred on your ear
not being sure which bothers you more, bad Woody Allen movies or bad musicals
being fairly sure you watched the entire thing in one quarter view, but not caring enough about any of the characters, the plot, or even the performances to watch it again properly
the me first nihilism of Allen's frightened worldview is finally given full exposure, and it's a grisly thing to behold
this characterless world of Manhattan Venice Paris, where love consists only of self validation, and political convictions of any kind are attributable to either hypocrisy or a brain condition
I told Skyler someone should write it up as a movie and I would read it
the romantic constant hum of Parisian traffic
Goldie Hawn has superpowers
I have seen my dream come true and my fantasy no longer tortures me
this guy named ghee or this ghee named Guy
not being sure if the Republican Son subplot is resolved that way as a liberal fantasy or a republican one
Holden was so much in love with my sister that reading from a script a box of crackerjacks
shit doesn't matter
racist children dress up games
drawing a picture of Julia Roberts being Eiffel Towered by Woody Allen and a gerbil
"check it I'm thru with love and all you muthafuckas"
enjoying yourself while you're still in the pink
he was a foot festishist
straight from the tub
with a spoon
he ate cholesterol
Brostitute
if you were my girl I'd make you wear a prison jumpsuit and trade you cigarettes for sex
wondering when Blonsky and Banner are going to hulk out and start fighting over disaffected heiresses
if you were my girl I'd make love to you in every room of the house
when there's still forty five minutes of a movie left and you're hoping it's one of those ones with ten minutes of credits
the spectre of Alan Alda and Goldie Hawn kissing
fall is particularly reading from a script this year
films with an explicit bias against Italy and Italians
wanting to make cracks about Woody Allen but holding back because it's such low hanging fruit
the guy's some, aaaactor
the precocious narrator going off for some serious Eiffel Fingerbanging in a gondola while Woodsy Alan sings
having serious doubts about how sick some of these patients are
one o' them boutique hospitals where all the patients are on the same ward for some reason
singing doctors
but aren't we all
thinking if you're staring at the girl's cleavage you're probably missing the point of the song she's singing
wondering if Edward Hibbert and Guy Siner have ever been in a room together
when you sit down and instantly need to pee
a man so talented he can play violin and piano simultaneously together at once
Republicans Colon The Musical
wondering if this is how New Yorkers become so aggressive and jaded
hating these people already
DANCING MANNEQUINS
extras pretending they're not lining up on the camera
knowing that the guy in the start of Everyone Says I Love You isn't Ferris Bueller's dork friend but still not being able to shake that feeling
'Eight reasons we have reached peak avocado' is a modern masterpiece
militantwaffle dot com
Howard Handupme
Unemployed Bear
Eliot Shag
Al "Sexual" Harris
Baby Sinclair
Defiance of Anthropomorphic Sea Mammals
he may or may not have gone solo to sing "Forever," which featured American legends The Beach Boys on backup, prostituting themselves to the absolute utmost
Rocklopedia Fakebandica
answering "Fine, how are you" when Howie Dorough introduced himself
Dudez A Plenti
NKOTBSB
willitwaffle dot com
wondering what would happen if you poured ground beef into a waffle iron
Aaaeeejnnppsstu was a male Mapcasein Jedi Knight born on Corellia in fourfourtwo BBY
Aaaeeejnnppsstu, Jedi Knight
"Aaaeeejnnppsstu"
"Jap anus pea teens"
"Japanese peanuts"
I'm Jared from the Subway ads, I'm only a little overweight and sexually ambiguous
Tostilocos
the half doctors, half hookers who solve everything
all these accidents that happen
JOSTICK WIKI
sticking weed josticks on Joss Whedon
wondering what possessed the owners of Cracked to imagine the ads and other popups that make the site basically unreadable on your phone were ok, but then thinking 'why am I reading Cracked'
that talk should always come before the "Daddy, why does Joss Wheedon always show ladies' feet so much" chat
Five year old girl discusses Princess Leia's slave outfit with dad
I got two daughters I don't need seeing that crap
the Mapcase Brothers
wondering how difficult it would be to get Sam Waterston and Sam Eagle to do the Marx Brothers
wondering how difficult it would be to get Sam Waterston and Sam Eagle to do the Marx Brothers' mirror bit from Duck Soup
drawing a picture of Michael Douglas choke fucking Sam Eagle just you know, because
Jack McCoy declined to prosecute
Fritz Learns to Catch Compilation #One
drawing a picture of Michael Douglas choke fucking Sam Waterston while Catherine Zeta Jones tries to decide which one to shoot because she has lost her glasses
Jesse Eisenberg says he was using superbole when he compared his Comic Con experience to "football"
being in the same Waterstone's as Sam Waterston
Michael Douglas sounding like what you imagine Sam Waterston would sound like if you choked him for a while
basically viewing Michael Douglas as the Hollywood Prince Charles
downing Jew noir mortadella Reese's pieces with Della Reese and Morton Downey Jr
honestly not getting what people see in Michael Douglas as an actor, like you get that he's competent in a workmanlike kind of way but he never seems to wow you and is clearly coasting on his father's reputation
Anthony Minghella putting hella ants on a mink
drawing a picture of Michael Douglas fucking his own penis colon
Michael Douglas Gets Candid About His Penis Colon "I Have a Big Dick Asshole"
Michael Douglas Gets Candid About His Penis Colon "I Have a Big Dick"
Jesse Eisenberg says he was using hyperbole when he compared his Comic Con experience to "genocide"
tasting love out of the colon sucking machine
Elf Transforming Machine Selves
sucking love out of the colon tester machine
drawing a picture of John Madden and Julian Assange nonconsensually oscillating their penises together
sucking colons out of the love tester machine
sucking coins out of the love tester machine
being greasy all over like a teenager, even right after a shower
having a glittering licorice clitoris
Madden John oscillation
Madden Julian oscillation
Self Transforming Machine HIGH Elves
Dating may expose women to harmful douches
Douching may expose women to harmful chemicals
his "enormous collection" of sperm pictures
Self Transforming Machine Elves
Oldest sperm ever is discovered in Kento, by accident
Oldest sperm ever is discovered in Antarctica, by accident
a heron an heroing over doves by heroin overdose
Sir Bob Geldof succeeding on his Fortitude save and not dying of a heroin overdose
what I've been working for, another you so I could love you more
that when the Iraq war was gearing up Sir Elton John volunteered to go over and personally slay Saddam, but some Kender tried to join his party and he threw a huge tantrum about it
vegan random magical items, naturally
trying to imagine Sir Paul McCartney using his plus three vorpal bastard sword to decapitate a mature adult red dragon, then collecting his oneDsix random magical items from its hoard
being kind of surprised that there are still knights even though they were superceded by the various bodies that eventually became the privy council, which has itself been superceded by parliamentary democracy
the potential for a minor constitutional crisis if the present vacancies of the Order of the Garter remain unfilled in the wake of numerous high profile sexual scandals involving knights and peers and a new Black Rod has to be appointed
kind of being surprised that people who are called courtiers still exist
Why Kate Middleton's very pushy siblings are worrying terriers
sex young allies
sex thunderbolts
sex champions
sex avengers
the best defense is a good offense
sex defenders
sex offenders
digivolving sounding like some horrible euphemism employed by sex offenders
digivolving into ultimate
digivolving into champion
una grandissima ribalda, infame sopra tutte
Why Kate Middleton's very pushy siblings are worrying courtiers
PP Cirencester
Humboldt Humboldt
Hector Octopus
Brian Bass
Mike Carp
Sid Bream
Bobby Sturgeon
somebody who's got a slot fo' loot
somebody who's got a lot of tools
retired Angel Tim Salmon
Mike Trout
Cirencester, a faceted, foam look
Cirencester made fake taco, fool
Cirencester, come, take a load off
breath as fresh as a summer ham
it makes them go in easier
wondering why anyone would need to lubricate strawberries
A Florida teacher's aide brought strawberry lubricant to a movie theater in hopes of having sex with her "crush"
NASA's New Horizons anal probe
the new owner of Queen Victoria's underwear intends to donate them to the V&A, after 'some light frottage'
Eight Five Pound Bird Named Kate Middleton 'Had to be Wheeled Out in a Wagon'
not knowing that agenty fiftyseven and Bicoid Babe were together
Eight Five Pound Dog Named Kale Chips 'Had to be Wheeled Out in a Wagon'
Queen Victoria's underwear sells for nearly $seventeen K at UK auction
Cops Arrest Woman, fiftyseven, For Battering Female Domestic Partner With Dildo
the way that Google news will sometimes mismatch headlines and photos, such as today's article about prostate cancer screener that was matched with a photo of Pluto
Cemetery Worker Stole Veterans' Gravestones to Pave Garage and Shed Floors, Officials Say
Cirencester Comic Con
Miami police officer performed in pornographic movies
jackin' it in Cirencester
wondering why fit birds would need to wank
Manager caught masturbating in his car near Cirencester pleads guilty
Apparently the lady was pretty fit
Bicoid Babe had better get out of England quick before she gets sued
Woman had been pleasuring herself with a sex toy during Cirencester crash
stealing Christopher Nolan's BBBRRRAAAAAAWWWW, BBBBBBRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW from the communal laundry room
a day long ordeal, including quaaludes, Kodak film, and Jello pudding
a day long ordeal, including quaaludes, pictures, and balls
drinking Polanski nog
the worst thing that can happen is having insufficiently lubed taint when you're noggin raping a thirteen year old
Christopher Nolan's Induction BBBRRRAAAAAAWWWW, BBBBBBRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW
Polanski's Noggin Taint Rape Lubricant
giant slothful induction
pantyeating induction
anteating induction
Sting Plantain Rape Goo Skin Lubricant
slothful induction
Pinata Long Gator Penis Skin Lubricant
getting your sleep all out of WHAMMO
getting your sleep all out of SOCK
getting your sleep all out of whack
Top Anti Aging Personal Skin Lubricant
we cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety
you should warm up with the balls, not finish with them
a day long event, including parades, speeches, and balls
presid dot net
Presidnet TRUMP justified the nuclear strike, declaring "they knew what they were doing when they crossed the border into our country"
The President of the King of the Crown Estate and the London Eye
some taxes may apply
President TRUMP pledges over ten thousand dollars worth of TRUMP STEAKS to Baja radiation poisoning victims
President TRUMP apologizes for Baja California nuclear strike colon "It's my first day!"
letting "a young intern", presumably unpaid, handle the initial public release of campaign imagery for a bid to become President of the United States, totally unsupervised
Nazis make surprise appearance in Donald Trump's campaign ad underneath the velvet rims
Nazis make surprise appearance in Donald Trump's campaign ad
underneath the velvet rims
that never happened
blogs were gold and bloggers were rock stars
I don't know what the experience is throughout history, probably some kind of genocide
underneath the velvet skies
The mother of four wrote that although she explained to the security guard she was legally entitled to feed her daughter in the store, the situation escalated
orzo bimbo
orzoro
These guys try to make us match moods to products
eating rape dupe basil
TheThinning
eating a bruised apple
The Texas Chainsaw Gastroplasty
eating the most delicious white mint ice cream on a hot summer day
face raping
that horror films typically reflect our anxieties about mortality and human frailty, and suspecting that fatworld horror would revolve more around starving to death rather than facing raping monsters
all these questions can't be good
wondering when the enchubbening process begins, like do they find Newt wedged in a doorway ignored by aliens who believe she is furniture
wondering what Asians is like in fatworld, given that only women seem to be fat
wondering what Aliens is like in fatworld, given that only women seem to be fat
that has been doesn't even hit the quarter ton mark
she just doesn't have what it takes to be so morbidly obese that she can crush the competition
Ryder weighs in at four hundred and fifty lbs
lending your bees to a dishonest Winona Ryder
Wino Forever
briefly wondering what list Winona Ryder is on and sadly concluding that she is B plus at best
middle aged hot A list stars
"Hi, Stephen, I'm Clifford" the dog barked in reply
wanting to have sex with seven sisters but not knowing how to go about it
middle aged hot B type stars
"I'm Stephen, hello" he said, smearing it around with a waggling motion
actually genuinely hoping Stephen Fry won't turn out to secretly have been a fucking monster whose intolerable criminality was enabled and concealed by compliant individuals and organisations, like so many other public figures
Couque D'asses
dreaming about, among other people, Stephen Fry in the bathroom at church
Stephen Fry fundamentally misunderstanding the title of the show 'Who Do You Think You Are' and shitting on people's desks purely for the outrage he knows he will cause
Stephen Fry possibly having gone too far
dreaming about, among other people, Stephen Fry in a workplace shitting
science possibly having gone too far
dreaming about, among other people, Stephen Fry in a workplace setting
not having any Jewish buns to make some kosher creme de asses
autumn pee sock, cheerio
AUTUMN pee sock
fall pee sock
lack of sleep
Asperger's
Alzheimer's
having symptoms of drowsiness, fatigue, confusion, and forgetfulness, and taking too long to figure out what causes them
Santa Currents
finding "having dinosaur sex in Habitat SixtySeven" in your autofill cache
Zante currants
Habitat SixtySeven, eh, oy
not having any Jewish currants to make some kosher creme de cassis
Jewish Currents
knowing it had been a long time but thinking it was like eighteen months at most
finding a recording someone sent you and realising you haven't really talked to them for four whole years
Dysaesthesia aethiopica
Drapetomania
Critics have argued that the claim on the label misleads consumers into thinking that Ethos is primarily a charitable organization, when it is actually a for profit brand and the vast majority of the sale price does not support clean water project
much of the imagery being tweeted by NASA's New Horizons account appearing to be from crap maker rape blogs
THEmmonia
ammonia
I'll see you all at lupper
hummus and baba ganoush
much of the imagery being tweeted by NASA's New Horizons account appearing to be from Kerbal Space Program
you bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a flannel for your face
demonstrating three D printing with silicon sculptures of French streets for Prince Andrew at St Andrew's, I'll chin ye
Patrick Stewart gives Number One and FULLY FUNCTIONAL Number Two to Prince Andrew at university ceremony
Patrick Stewart of Borg assimilates Prince Andrew at university ceremony
Prince Andrew gives Vulcan nerve pinch to Patrick Stewart at university ceremony
they discovered one of AH's high school transcripts along with a container of peach flavoured "Joy Jelly" lubricant and Amazon receipts for explicit books such as Slave Craft Colon Roadmap For Erotic Servitude Principles
Prince Andrew gives Vulcan salute to Patrick Stewart at university ceremony
scientific opinion remains divided as to whether Melissa McCarthy formed independently according to the standard accretion model, or whether she is a part of Dan Aykroyd blasted off by a massive impact early in his career
Woman died after 'perverted shampoo bottle sex assault'
Larry Niven's Fatworld
just now checking and there actually is a Melissa McCarthy fatworld entry, listing her at a modest seven hundred and fifty five pounds
that, even though Fatworld Melissa McCarthy has sufficient gravity to maintain a spherical shape, her inability to clear the neighborhood around her orbit relegates her to dwarf planet, rather than full planet, status
wondering what it was like to be the runaway cum scientology grunt who had to be the one to squeegee Kirstie Alley's back meat
the umbrella for two projects based at UCL tracing the impact of slave ownership on the formation of modern Britain
drawing a picture of Kirstie Alley washing herself with a rag on a stick
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye for a dishonest BB King when you were at the Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rose Bowl
Celebrity guest CC Peniston sings about the letter C
not being sure you want to add that to your Amazon history, since it's clearly going to do nothing but make recommendations based on it until the end of time
turns out that you can scroll down pages and there's more on them
Celebrity guest BB King sings about the letter B
not being sure if you want to buy an entire season of Sesame Street via Amazon just for one episode as part of an ongoing project to destroy your self
being unable to decide whether fatworld is the gift that keeps on giving or the mysterious box that when opened becomes a yawning intractable void drawing your soul from you one greedy slurp at a time
guessing that much of the sexual appeal that fatworld has to its contributers is the terrible, soulwrenching disortion of reality, and you just can't get that by drawing an EVEN FATTER Kathy Kinney
I tell so many lies I have to write them down and keep them in the lie box so I can keep them straight
Anna Nicole Smith was pretty fat and she is the heaviest mobile woman in fatworld
the Cleopatra star had a threesome with John F Kennedy and Robert Stack
Alley starred in the Showtime sitcom Fat Actress, a show loosely based on her life as an obese Hollywood actress
that actually fat in the real world people don't seem to have entries in fatworld at all, like Roseanne Barr or Rosie O'Donnell or Aretha Franklin
the African Mexican being your favorite professional wrestler
Taryn Terell is an American wrestler, best known as Tiffany in WWE and her current stint in TNA
a tool that blends psychedelic dogs into your favorite images
Homer is my role model and I can't speak ill of him
Amerigo's Next Top Vespucci
kind of expecting Trump to say something like "I've spoken to African Americans, and they're surprisingly intelligent people, but African Americans are Americans, not African Mexicans"
wondering if Donald Trump has made all his necessary financial declarations for the presidential race yet or whether he's just trying to drive the discussion towards immigants before predictably bowing out
Billionaire Deathmatch
Rupert Murdoch, Voice of Reason
I'm literally apologising to a total stranger for the weather right now
Mexican immigrants, as with all immigrants, have much lower crime rates than native born, Eg El Paso safest city in US, Trump wrong
I honestly think that's how you talk over there
QUESTION TWO If you were to lose control of your vehicle and were forced to choose among colliding with a lorry, a double decker bus, and a bird walking a pram, which would you choose, pip pip, good show Old Bean
after the test answering some potential questions they're considering for future tests, one of which was in the actual test you had just completed
QUESTION ONE Which side of the road do you drive on, cheerio
that it was a driving theory test
having bizarre, striated YARDS down below your knee
passing
having YARDS down below your knee, if you know what I mean
having YARDS down below your knee
having feet down below your knee
being just about to go in
wondering how the maths test went
the cosby show, quaaludekake
Ryan Seacrest's Five Dollar Dump Lickjob
Ryan Seacrest's Billion Dollar Dump
the cosby show, frosted flake
cheers, cheerio
good luck on your maths test, keep your pecker up, cheerio
for once
having a short test to take in about eight hours and really needing to get to sleep
how depressing it must be to get a Starbucks coffee for free as an act of charity, leaving you unable to do anything but drink that thin brown garbage lest you be seen as ungrateful
Pilots in the Winnipeg police helicopter having a conversation with their loudspeaker on, eh
liking your women like you like your coffee, free of charge and burning your genitals
thinking it might be nice to be given a nice coffee by a stranger, but then again they might well hold you down and waterboard you with the scalding liquid as a form of provenge or natural justice
Lauras Buxton
getting an eight ounce bag of ground coffee for the same price as an eight ounce cup last weekend and running through it by Thursday, the thrill of the high life carrying you away
that when you buy a suspended coffee for a "less fortunate person" you're essentially donating fifty cents to them and two to three dollars to the cafe owner
coffee has one of the highest markups of any food product
electroplating Lenny Bruce
dyeing Lenny Bruce
EXPELLED coffee
dying Lenny Bruce
suspended coffee
dying electroplated
dying penniless
During sex, Donald Trump calls out mannish woe
During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name
a total lack of respect for the wal
a total lack of worst cleft rape, eh
a total lack of respect for the law
sometimes twice a day
walruses Eiffel Tower one person every year
the deaths caused by nature's silent, stealthy killers, cows
non venomous arthropods kill nine people per year
Damn Scots! They ruin untanned orgies!
A redheaded Scottish teenager was reduced to tears after being told she was "too pale" to participate in an untanned orgy
having sex with those girls who looked like Elly Jackson, untanned orgy
Hanterkans Rosow a Yarg
goose urn, untanned orgy
goose urn, annoyed grunt
goose urn, d'oh!
Unhorsed Goo
Asian Albert and the Clash Kids
goos do run, eh
Gay Albert and the Cosby Dogs
one rough sod
Enough Odors
Hood Surgeon
An Integration of the Visual Media Via Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids Into the Elementary School Curriculum as a Teaching Aid and Vehicle to Achieve Increased Learning
we will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own
your culture will adapt to service us
Inyoanus Rex
resistance is futile
the sound of lovemaking walruses was used to voice the Indominus Rex in Jurassic World
clever girl
the sound of lovemaking tortoises was used to voice the Velociraptors in Jurassic Park
few tortoises would be able to resist the sound of a reptilian orgy
this enormous woman will devour us all
that few tortoises would be able to resist the sound of a reptilian orgy
the unusually abundant supply of tortoise pornography on YouTube
Osvaldo Quiroz Lopez
Tortoise lured back home with pornography
Fuck You!!! Pay Me!!!!!!! I need money Four Drugz & Hoez & Weaponz Mother Fuckerz!
Man's banana injured by penis thrown from window of passing car
Whitesnake, Guns 'n' Roses, and Def Leppard among the sixty two hair bands found inside kid
I bet he's the one who wrote 'Homer' all over the bathroom
Man's penis injured by banana thrown from window of passing car
Vet finds sixty two hair bands, eight pairs of underwear, five ant nests inside kid
Vet finds sixty two hair bands, eight pairs of underwear inside dog
there's no sugar in Pixy Stix
the HOLD BOT factory
the THRILL BOT factory
the KISS BOT factory
the JIZZ BOT factory
the KILL BOT factory
We asked whether we could make the buttplug audible
We asked whether we could make the earplug sexy
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon being embalmed, anointed with sacred herbs and incense, then finally interred in Kento's throat
drawing a picture of Kermit the Frog touching Mahboub
replacing Kento's anus with a noose
replacing Kento's esophagus with a sarcophagus
PRECIOUS FREEDOM
Luke be a Jedi tonight
the rugby
the cricket
interminable conversation about fucking nothing
the freemasons
suspecting will it lOOk within a week, ello guvna
Victor Geyer
suspecting will it look
your brain sending the impulse to write "we'll hit" to your fingers, and your fingers apparently interpreting it as "will it"
suspecting will it lOOk within a week
having unconventional vests
regret, the walrus, the color browne, and waffles
kink's vest
irony, the whale, the color ochre, and paper
the worst part eating the being of great food in terrible company
nurny nunder noun
when the brass band's playing wiki waa waa waa
going under clowns
replacing Kento's diaphragm with an IED
I'm here to tape a rusk to NY
the worst part being the eating of great food in terrible company
having to have lunch with people you really couldn't care less about braiding our butt rape cords
having to have lunch with people you really couldn't care less about
braiding our butt rape cords
our butt rape cords
replacing Kento's kidneys with water balloons
Cameron's monkeys are feasting on the BBC's nuts
he's so going to sue us in England, and then he's going to yank our butt rape cords
Donald Trump holds ten dormant BUTT rape cords
Donald Trump holds ten TRUMP brand doctorates
I'm, like, a really smart person
milking a poor Aboriginal woman
A lot of poor women in this country, a large proportion of whom are Aboriginal, are used as cash cows, crikey
no matter where I go, I will come back to my my English rose
no matter where I go, I will come back to my glossier hymen
replacing Kento's blood with lentils
no matter where I go, I will come back to my English rose
I'm here to puke Tory Satan
I'm here to rape a tusk, Tony
I'm here to spay a rut Kento
I'm here to partake soy nut
I'm here to take your pants
her name is Rio and she Eiffel Towers Kento with a walrus
confusing Annabel Lee with Sara Lee
Pokemon Japanese and Scots
Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots!
Vodka Drunkenski making it the flight from hell
Vodka Drunkenski
making it the flight from hell
A redheaded Scottish teenager was reduced to tears after being told she was "too pale" to board an Etihad flight
skeletons asking for gluten free cakes
Muzak
the way PRS payments dissuade smaller traders from playing varied music in their stores or restaurants
stealing that girl's bro from the constable laundry room
spooning Jewel's central boobs
dodecuple rats on cobble
the Curious Crab Stools of Benjamin Buttocks
breast colon b
crab stool Ben
rats on cobble
best colon bra
ten cool barbs
loner bobcats
bro constable
noblest cobra
central boobs
cobalt boners
colon stabber
lobster bacon
thinking that Arkansas and Arkansas were different places until you were quite grown up
smuggling a cargo of braffsticks for the Hutts
pierogi
Kotlet schabowy
The Northernlion Story Gelled Tips
we are only curious
feeling like a good idea to get your hands on the other end of this message is not available
Z'a'k Brafffffff, Outer Rim Smuggler
that there doesn't appear to be a borderline pornographic magazine spread
smuggler would have been better
Partick Kingsley, Outer Rim Bounty Hunter
Sepp Blatter, Outer Rim Bounty Hunter
following football so little that not only did you think Sepp Blatter had been arrested, you've never even seen an image of the England women's team or any of the members thereof, though you expect there's a borderline pornographic magazine spread
John Stamos reportedly in rehab for substance abuse treatment fitting Lou Pinella in a loop in Ella Fitzgerald with Gerald Ford in a Ford
drawing a picture of Laura Bassett being Blatter blasted while her team watch and seeth with jealous resentment
nine eight nine nine three
FIFA president Blatter blasts England 'envy'
why do I win
it seems you win again
John Stamos reportedly in rehab for substance abuse treatment
fitting Lou Pinella in a loop in Ella Fitzgerald with Gerald Ford in a Ford
Calvin Klein's Obsession for Teeth
sharp transitions between bright areas and a dark region along the equator known as "the walrus"
all the attention being focused on a non planet when what everybody really wants is closeup hi res shots of Uranus
wondering how long it will take for NASA to name a mountain on Pluto "Mount Fudgie"
sharp transitions between bright areas and a dark region along the equator known as "the whale"
I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler! I wanna be a league bowler!
Ray Mears on Turkana IV
to keep in silence you resigned
mmm pistol whip
mmm invisible cola
sticking together is what good waffles do
trapped inside THREE vending machines
trapped inside two vending machines
amiably whining about house prices with Amy Winehouse
Stomp FitzPump
Spoon FitzJewel
stomping up the jam while your feet are pumping
Henry FitzEmpress
Quilleboeuf
the death of Mr Ho Safari
vegan vegan chocolate mocha squares
vegan chocolate mocha squares
the death of Omar Sharif
just now realising Anthony Minghella died
during the Spanish Inquisition, all those with red hair were identified as Jewish
you've got the oosik in you, Chris Lydon's threading you through
you've got the oosik in you
chatting with the Olsen twins over horchata
Psittacosis Finch
the finch of Jem Death
the death of Jem Finch
guessing that Will Smith was too busy with all those coprojects to appear in the sequel to the movie that made his career
pumping up the jam while your feet are stomping
wondering what we would even do if the comments came back being welcomed back to erf
wondering what we would even do if the comments came back
being welcomed back to erf
horchata
Independence Day Colon Resurgence
Xoxchitla
Xuxa looking like a sandblasted Xena
Xena
Xuxa
I could have gone with any of the regret index usual suspect child rapists, but I went with Chris Lydon because of the similar sound
the crime of Lydon
the crime of Laius
wondering if Paleolithic teen boys used to sneak into the caves of the girls they liked and scrawl primitive sketches of their junk on the walls
thinking of the band the Boo Radleys instead of the band the New Radicals
Sparky Rush
thinking of the band The New Radicals instead of the band Len
Syrup Shark
David Cross as Ian Hawke
thinking of the band Len instead of the band Sugar Ray
Alvin and the Chipmunks Colon Chipwrecked
the amazing Stupid Fucking Typos That Can't Be Fixed Index
confusing Smash Mouth with Sugar Ray
incing hard, but then burning the negatives
as a teen you ince
relating to today's stupid teens in that as a teen you ince took a whole load of photos of your junk, though you subsequently burned the plates when you realised Monsieur Daguerre would have to see them before you could
being born too late for tall vikings and too early for space vikings
wanting to be in Iceland filming a short mockumentary about the icelandic space agency, which would just be a short intro, a punchline about how they asked elves to do it because space exploration is expensive, and several minutes of beautiful filler
wanking around with an HD camera in your pocket and never using it for anything creative
I'd like to tell you but I don't know
walking around with an HD camera in your pocket and never using it for anything creative
wondering how many regrets have been written just because there was no means to comment on another regret
it took a lot of kroner, but it was worth it
shooting Ariana Grande into space in the biggest European rocket you can find
un sandwich qui pourrait prendre une bouchee de vous
like a chicken with its head cut off
Ariana Grande is basically the Olson Twins if there were only one of them and if they tried to start a music career instead of fellating movie stars shortly before they overdose
Ariana Grande is basically the American Idol contestant that makes it to the top thirty two or top however many or whatever the fuck they do, because she is pretty so the producers want to cash in, but who then gets kicked off almost immediately
Asiano Grande
basically having no idea who Ariana Grande is
like a chicken with the pip
wondering if there are going to be enough people that get herpes from Ariana Grande's licked doughnut to form a class action suit
the big enchilada
sixty four slices of American cheese
Natalie Portman, naked and covered in croque my grits
pip pip
croque mon grits
making a sad mush of hominy, oatmeal, and polenta on a petrified piece of toast and calling it a croque my grits
a waitress who is persuaded to kiss The Monkey King, which turns him into The Banana King
tofu antiperspirant
making a sad sandwich of vegan gruyere, vegan cervelat, and sliced boiled vegan egg on a plain piece of gluten free toast and calling it a croque douluer
making a sad sandwich of gruyere, cervelat, and sliced boiled egg on a plain piece of toast and calling it a croque Myke Hawke
This man also claims Bicoid Babe had a "mysterious French boyfriend named Alejandro" who organized dildo filled orgies at her apartment and "mainly seemed to exist only at nighttime"
realising that you have a dozen recipes for toffee, but none for tofu
that your breakfast sandwich somehow picked up traces of antiperspirant
reading stuff about the idle rich and their orgies and ennui from time to time, and being almost glad you will die in abject poverty
This man also claims Hudson had a "mysterious Italian boyfriend named Fernando" who organized prostitute filled orgies at her apartment and "mainly seemed to exist only at nighttime"
the other American could possibly be in northern California instead of Chicago
I'm going to say some racist British thing any second, accusing one of you of being an American in France even though I really think you're in Germany and the other of being in Chicago, da bears, cheerio
so, just to confirm, there are three of us here at this very minute
Concrete bunghole where dreams are made up
Nah, not Kento
Being too lazy to look up regret numbers though
guessing that Kento is the kind of guy who would lay around pantsless, you know, for easy access
I'm here too, just drive by regretting off and on
I wrote the middle one
because I didn't write any of them, for the record
wondering if one person wrote nine eight eight eight two, nine eight eight eight four, and nine eight eight eight five
earlier I was liveregretting my ongoing project of punishing myself for having feeelings because they're wrong and stupid, then I asked what you were wearing
I'm two
just wanting to do a head count of how many people are here now, I'm one
listening to "Get Back" at double speed for unplanned chipmunk hilarity
having used to have been lonely, til you learned about living alone
not being familiar with the idiom "cheeky of you"
Things that could be cheeky of you weren't a sexless, misshapen potato person
both, it's both
wondering if we're talking good old British pants or the Americanism pants
trying not to sing Heart's "Pants On" to yourself as someone you've liked for a long time asks if you want to get a drink, albeit under totally platonic circumstances
Lying around without pants on, like, all the time
But, you know, hoping it won't end
The night going by so very slow
Dood Gay for Hippos
Good Day for Hippos
the room's bitch dark
wondering how long you've liked them
finding it really hard to date since you quit drinking
an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first
on this strange and mournful day
totally platonic circumstances
trying not to hum the theme from "Alive" to yourself as someone you've liked for a long time asks if you want to get a drink, albeit under totally platonic circumstances
If I was his wife, I think I would be very suspicious, always, of whoever just called because he has a real gift at being able to insinuate a conversation
trying not to sing Heart's "Alone" to yourself as someone you've liked for a long time asks if you want to get a drink, albeit under totally platonic circumstances
instead of eating cookies we ate salami
"It looks pretty ugly semicolon it's not something you would want to put between two bits of bread, that's for certain," he said before downing a vegemite sandwich
"It looks pretty ugly semicolon it's not something you would want to put between two bits of bread, that's for certain," he said
Authorities fear giant wet wipe filled 'fatbergs' could destroy Australian sewage systems, crikey
picking up a box of customized cookies and disappearing through the door
It was really just hanging out, surfing, grilling out, going to dinner, and then we would have sex, group sex
Anal students urge SBI to install one more ATM booth
A customer told Texas cops that he watched as Austin Symonds was "rubbing his testicles on the pizza he had ordered"
he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams
the return of Bicoid Babe to the regret index
Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I'm going to cut your fucking throat
But when the guy came out with blood on his body, everyone was shocked and that's when we knew the girl bit off his penis and this was done with her teeth
Drunken, naked Florida man found walking down street, police say
dwawing a pictuwe of Bawbawa Waltews being Eiffel Towewed by Jonathan Woss and Elmew Fudd in Pawis
stopping me if you think that you've heard this one before
having no compliments
having another complaint viz you watched Shia LaBeouf acting
having one actual complaint in that because you didn't liveregret the segment about the dad and daughter even though at the very least you wanted to say "must be hard being a black male ballerino" at the time, you now feel like you can't compliment it
having no complaints
Rifka Mansukhbhai, Jedi Knight
thinking it was Hayden Christensen but then thinking his delivery was too sharp and never being more glad to be wrong about something
in memory of Anthony Minghella
Bronx Hoskins
the first unknown woman he hasn't fucked yet
Chinese paper golems
Pokemon Orson Welles and George Lucas
a big fat man you can only describe as a cross between late era Orson Welles and George Lucas
the smug hooker finally getting her comeuppance
Pawis is place I vish I wisit
six percent of Manhattan, I'm walkin' here
movies that are mostly about half scandineavean hardboiled cabbies getting lick jobs
movies that are mostly about cabbies getting jerked around
six percent of Manhattan
Make a Wish
Wyvern on the Green
she's a snake fuckin' devil whore
shitbums
pay for it I do not
it's like sex talk from Yoda
the vagina it gets locked
na ne na ne na, na ne na ne na, na ne na ne na na ne na na na
wyke apedia
it's a nice story
your eyes will suffice to give tired men hope
something about the accent being off
the Christians, they eat everything
watching an American drama performed in two thousand eight but set in New York in which you are taken out of the action every time the characters smoke in bars
so far everybody is terrible
Nieuw Amsterdam Ik Hou Van Je
having seven point two million registered users and six active users
She is divorced, has a daughter, and weighs five hundred pounds
hashtag big, gross, excess
wondering why the second most visited Fatworld page is Penny Marshall
It was always her goal capture that elusive Academy Award and to obtain it she sought method acting as a means
I can smell you as I listen to your podcast
aw, thanks
I can taste you as I read your words out loud
Able Sir Di, ere, Idris Elba
Tomei currently weighs foursixty pounds
two in three people regret the letter t
Techan Leoronche, Jedi Knigh
actress Marisa Tomei has been diagnosed with progeria
getting behind the groove
celebrity chimerism
Tea Leoni replacing Laura Dern for Jurassic Park III
Laura Dern playing the lesbian on Ellen Degeneres's shitty sitcom
bottoming for Laura Dern in Teen Peen Boners VII
Cookie Puss
having had the hugest tiny teen peen boners for Laura Dern because of Wild at Heart
looking over Tea Leoni's filmography and thinking the only thing she's done that you've seen is Deep Impact, but seriously having imagined that she was this big star who'd made dozens of movies
Tea Leoni looking like a sandblasted Laura Dern
having no memories of Tea Leoni other than that shitty sitcom she was in and that episode of the X Files
drawing a picture of a beast with the heads of Tea Leoni, Charlize Theron, and Anne Heche making the beast with two backs with a beast with the heads of Al Pacino and Joe Pesci while a beast with the heads of Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman films it
double tap no longer working for you
having spent the last seventeen years thinking of Tea Leoni, Charlize Theron, and Anne Heche as some kind of chimera
wondering if you somehow confused Sex Days Semen Nights with Mighty Blow Hung, because they came out around the same time and both star uncommunicative silverbacks
that you seriously use autumn more than fall, and you weren't even aware that autumn is apparently a Britishism and fall an Americanism
Chet uses math to balance his checkbook in fall
being like a TRex except having vision based on blondes instead of movement
wondering if you somehow confused Six Days Seven Nights with Mighty Joe Young, because they came out around the same time and both star uncommunicative silverbacks
Supermarket Sue
Supermarket Sooty
Henri Chequier
being ordered to stand and deliver, or pay with your hairy chequebook
Supermarket Sweep
remembering that you watched and possibly enjoyed Ellen, and formed a fondness for Ellen DeGeneres as a consequence, but not remembering anything about the show itself
Cochlea Teoni
If the contestant gets three questions wrong, they'll lose the money they have won up to that point and must leave the cab immediately, or they may pay with their hairy chequebook
Mothkakemon
Ikkakumon
blowing out your cochlea
CA$H CAB
drinking a cup of Tea Leoni
drawing a picture of Tea Leoni being Eiffel Towered by David Duchovny and a turkey while Ellen DeGeneres stands in the back filming it, looking bored
'the Crown Heights pogrom' sounding like a random sentence that your phone would auto suggest
the Crown Heights pogrom
half the zombies are vegetarian
insulting Ms Leoni's shoulder
Ms Leoni's shoulder is made of turkey
thinking that Ellen DeGeneres was with Tea Leoni and being frankly very surprised to find that you were probably thinking of Anne Heche, because you would swear it was Tea Leoni in Six Days Seven Nights
i imgur com atwoVzwcV jpg
being assainated by fat ninjas
finding out from Gayworld that Portia de Rossi is Asian
finding out from Asianworld that Portia de Rossi is fat
thinking it was weird that the Kristen Stewart page was so light on biography, then scrolling down
more like Reese Wetherspoons
finding out from Fatworld that Portia de Rossi is gay
that whoever made the Reese Witherspoon morph just didn't try
that fatworld Ellen DeGeneres is basically Jay Leno in drag
goddamn it all
fo
guessing that the fatworld equivalent fo Mike and Molly would star two people with Auschwitz level emaciation
signature roles as the heft secret agent in Alias, and the jiggly assain Electra
the Chunky Athelete craze
McCarthy weighs in at six hundred and fifty lbs, which she credits to her pregnancy and help from cousin Melissa McCarthy
Grande currently weighs three hundred eighty six pounds
poop slamming Ariana Grande
poop slam a slut
lama's poop lust
A small soup pot
Poor Little English Doves VII
Donnie Wahlberg, Jenny McCarthy get A&E reality series under development deal
talle
bottoming for two talle, ridiculously muscley American kids in I Film Doves VII
whole families were sent to slave in the mining camps for failure to memorize sufficient French vocab
it was like being North Korean living on the southern border
you should at least give it a courtesy wipe before you put it back
betting that they were just porn stars looking to film a video there
that if you licked Ariana Grande's doughnut, you would put it back too
when you were at school and these two American kids came to visit to see if they wanted to transfer in, and they were about a foot taller than everyone and ridiculously muscley and you all breathed a sigh of relief when they just never came back
Police investigating Ariana VENTI's video doughnut licking
Police investigating Ariana Grande's video doughnut licking
having never met anyone named Chet
autumning down
the maths thing was a joke but I really do say autumn more than fall
doin't doggy style
doin't
a little story, about Chet and Diane, two American kids doin't the best, they, can
everyone knows Americans are named Chet and Diane and say "math" and "fall" and drive everywhere in muscle cars until they marry, move into impossibly vast houses and drive station wagons everywhere instead
why you sweat so much, not why you shit so much
wondering why Kento's ass sweats so much
saying "maths" and "autumn" and having people believe you are some sort of American
it's all the watermelon
spending more time playing sport than studying maths
wondering why you sweat so much
at least we won't have to choose one of us to bottom
that's totally going to work
fine, Kento can get in between us and make it "less gay"
the rare instance where Kento's appearance makes things LESS gay
I just like being Big Spoon
actually being glad that Kento is back because it was starting to get kind of gay here with just the two of us
everything you are wearing
reaching a point where your full body sweat has soaked through everything you are wearing
being in japan again I film doves
having a fetish for touching feta cheese and fettuccine to your knee
Boy Pick Up Colon The Movie
StarStruck Colon The Nationwide Invasion
StarStruck Colon The Second Wave
Love to Love Colon Sweet Exchange
Dingdong Dantes
Tiktik Colon The Aswang Chronicles
calling New York pigeons 'UN doves'
Pigeon Representation
Pigeon Relations
a dove is a doll that can't get no love from me, crapping on the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to eat a caterpillar
Category Colon People who are in Japan right now
pooing in Japan again
the triumphant return of Kento, marked with the traditional triumphal arch
eating in Japan again
that doves are literally just pigeons with better PR
posing in japan again
being in japan again
I film doves
having a rider that specifies payment in the form of bread only, left in the dressing room, not on the stage
wanting to make a Smash Mouth cover band called Bread Babies
video films
Two New Jersey teens accused of being born to run for video films with a wilful disregard for the function of sand in geobiology
breastin'
burstin'
breast babies
I'm sure sometimes on the sly you do it
bread babies
Two New Jersey teens accused of being born to run for video
films with a wilful disregard for the function of sand in geobiology
dead babies
wondering why there are gooseberries but not swanberries, but then realising merely foraging in the vicinity of a swan would be a death sentence
late nights all alone with a test tube
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered on a rug by Chris Lydon and a walrus, and a companion piece depicting the mothkake aftermath
moths in your rugs, they do it, what's the use of moth balls
hearing even Boston beans do it
Shreddies are an affront to human dignity
that you could never truly be attracted to anybody who eats Shreddies, or even pretends to eat them
the obvious problem of the credits being ten minutes long notwithstanding
wondering why they don't just put all the credits at the front of films any more like they used to waaay back
films with a wilful disregard for the function of columns in architecture
never being entirely happy with the way Chariots of the Gods entered pop culture
Loki was Optimus Prime all along
being suddenly very interested in the origin of the double bluff teamup trope
poor Fregan
streetbirds
that is why I sleep in the arms of a beautiful woman and you spend your evenings alone in your bedsit
the last arseguardian breath
everyone getting their balls out at a funeral
filling miniature canoptic jars with guacamole and serving them as entrees at a soiree
a beard being no substitute for a chin
it's coarse, it's rought, it's irritating, it gets everywhere, we've all been everywhere
everybody can relate to sand
at least the other guy talked about sand, this "cellphone reception" speech is terrible
the least possible convincing reading of the line "he's not my father"
the guy who wants Fanta just stabbed the guy who wants Fresca
struggling less with unsubbed made up languages than with subbed French
he'll have Fanta
wondering if your brother learned the difference between the rinse and wash cycles on his dishwasher yet
wondering if you're looking at the day you had the shits
Slash, your mom
Fregan, apparently
long before the birth of light, there was darkness, isn't it
Fisher lost almost lOO pounds while preparing for the new Star Wars movie, however she regained all of it and more during filming
Tiny lobsters are tearing this country apart
Two New Jersey heartbreakers accused of running down dream for video
Two New Jersey geese accused of running down teens for video
Two New Jersey teens accused of running down geese for video
starting to wreck a newt watching new Star Trek
mashed potatoes can be your friends
somebody once telling you the world is gonna breadroll you, making you walk off of the stage
you could call me a car lover
Ham's Smut Ho
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
somebody once telling you the world is gonna roll you
bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' bustin' b b bustin'
bustin'
Hooty McBoob
Booby McJewel
playing the skin flute in a jizz band
playing the red ball organ in a jizz band
joining the jizz band
a mealtime ago, in a galaxy fat, fat away
Droopy McCool
joining the jazz band
Obese Pornmonger Geldof
Jessica and Ashlee Simpson never became famous because their father's diet plan as part of his efforts to make them famous resulted in them gaining too much weight too fast resulting in both of them becoming immobile and bedbound
the phrase "upper limit for body mass" does not exist in fatworld
wondering what the upper limit for body mass is for a fatworld pornmongerer
the pornmongery sector has nosedived in recent years with the rise of the internet and a decline in print media making it harder than ever for weird middle aged guys to stash jazz mags under bushes
guessing that every college in America has at least one morbidly obese pornmonger
Federal Jog
because he has sex with kids
drawing a picture of a virgin female taking a huge bit of Jared Fogle's six incher
it's just like real life
Strict traditions also restricted virgin females to a vegetarian diet, ensuring that their first lover's flesh was the first meat they tasted
Giant Amorphous Bantha Breakfast Biscuits were amoeboid creatures
During the Crisis, in order to boost patriotism and historical recognition, Biscuit Baron released commemorative holocubes of S'diawae in their QuickSnack and QuickSnackLite bundles
Times Square man dressed as Woody from 'Toy Story' caught by cops grabbing women's rear ends while posing for photos, I'm frottin' here
Times Square man dressed as Woody from 'Toy Story' caught by cops grabbing women's rear ends while posing for photos
that's classist
that's racist
the ventriloquist goes to heaven but the dummy doesn't
that set outlets are not the same as real outlets
I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other
Manson's Angry Swan Dinners
Swanson's Angry Man Dinners
The source also claimed that Fogle's legendary Subway diet stemmed from his 'extreme laziness' and the need to man his the porn business in his room
you do indeed win
I win
the line "I was born in this nursing home and I'll die in this nursing home" really resonating with you because you were born in a nursing home and you subsequently died in that nursing home
the line "I was born in this nursing home and I'll die in this nursing home" really resonating with you because you were born in a maternity hospital which subsequently became a nursing home
Hurricane Chow
septuagenarian podcaster with a thing for fat, gay Asians
you don't fall
a bee bit your bottom, now your bottom's big
wondering if you imagined that ad that went "avez vous bottle of milk"
I say autumn
seriously wondering if British actors are capable of making any other fucking porn film with a contemporary setting than Ass Love Actually
studying French for five years, living with a Frenchman for one year, and still needing subtitles to watch francophone media
nice stories that are overly compressed in the telling
Chad TROUTWINE
the sum of the pars of the played holes
wondering if Americans really say autumn
seriously wondering if British actors are capable of making any other fucking film with a contemporary setting than Love Actually
French vampires hanging around in alleys sucking each other o
always thinking Elijah Wood has a mullet even when he hasn't
le porc de hobbit
being called after a famous cake
sex isn't disgusting unless you make it disgusting, unless you're a septuagenarian podcaster with a thing for fat, gay Asians
Frog Hoskins
wondering if the real Eiffel Tower shines a baleful beacon from the top like the eye of Sauron
finding it pretty tricky to get into vignettes
I want another slammer!
the offspring of Gaia, born from the blood of the castrated Uranus
MIME ASS
the fattest mime you've ever imagined
wondering if Kento sounds like an accordion while he's being Eiffel Towered
Fifty Shades of Lydon
portant le monocle de mon oncle
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable other half
failing to come up with a mutually acceptable other third
finding your other THIRD
towerers of Eiffel
le priapisme
the hot blooded air hostess he'd loved for the past eighteen months
writers of books
painters of paintings
lovers of love
finding your other half
Kento's got an ass like Gallagher's watermelon
honey's got an ass like a peach
trying to play vinyl records on a francophone
liking this movie already
a lonely joke
wondering who this francophone Zach Braff could be
movies that open with a teaser shot of the Eiffel Tower
seriously hoping Burkhard Von Schenk literally screams his or her last name at people as a matter of principle
Burkhard VON SCHENK
Pac Man Fever
US and Japan Prep for Hand Job Robot Showdown
US and Japan Prep for Giant Robot Showdown
liking your women like you like your coffee, a crime against God and nature
liking your women like you like your coffee, spliced together from different parts and brought back to life through electricity
taking Jared Fogle up on his offer for a free six incher
Frankencoffee
wondering if there is a more Frankenstein coffee than the last bit of your previous cup, the last cold coffee in the pot, a half cup of water passed through the old grounds and the whole thing microwaved to a more comforting temperature
send these troopseses only
donut want
EXTRA fancy donuts
fancy donuts
do not fancy
never a truer word spoken
it is a habit of mankind to entrust to careless hope what they long for, and to use sovereign reason to thrust aside what they do not fancy
The exact extent of the north in the context of the northern powerhouse is not prescribed by the government
Colin Mochrie's coffee enemas
Wayne Brady's waning braids
braiding wangs with Wayne Brady
calling in mockery to Colin Mochrie
the rapiest place on Earth
pooping off crags with Greg Proops
scrubbing Zach Braff's brass sack
scuba dudes with groovy do's scooping up Scooby Doo's poop
opening a Junior Rape Park with Ray Parker, Jr
becumming a sexual tigress who seduces every female she encunters
encounters
becumming a sexual tigress who seduces every female she encounters
becoming a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurs who has dinosaur sex with every female she encounters
becoming a sexual panther who seduces everything he encounters
tyrannosaurus
becoming a goddamn sexual tyrannosaurs who seduces every female she encounters
becoming a tiny sexual tigress who seduces every female she encounters
becoming a sexual tigress who seduces every female she encounters
eating pork franks with Frank Parker
that's one of the most common fetishes out there
Sheep urinates on BBW reporter
Man mistakenly raises 'puppies' for two years before finding out they're black twinks
If you think you could be my prince charming, send me a detailed letter with at least two photos
One who is loyal, preferably educated, financially and emotionally stable for a long term committed relationship
Awful sandwich served at Edinburgh Airport goes viral, prompts official chinning
Awful sandwich served at Edinburgh Airport goes viral, prompts official response
Sheep urinates on BBC reporter
Man mistakenly raises 'puppies' for two years before finding out they're black bears
ROGAN AND GOLDBERG COMMENTATE EA UFC GLITCHES
How can we obtain worth through Durst
How can we obtain truth through sword
How can we obtain truth through words
Document Grundy, unsealed on Monday
Oregon lawmakers vote to help gay veterans, strippers wondering when Hollywood started caring about celebrities
sedating girls with Quaaludes then raping them
Oregon lawmakers vote to help gay veterans, strippers
wondering when Hollywood started caring about celebrities sedating girls with Quaaludes then raping them
fitting that it is a Monday
Comedian Bill Cosby testified in wo thousand five that he had obtained Quaaludes with the intent of giving the sedatives to young women in order to have sex with them, according to court documents unsealed on Monday
The Blunchblack of Blotre Blame
Aly Raisman colon 'Everything I put into my body is for my castings'
it REALLY needed to be laundered
stealing that girl's runny cunt bra from the communal laundry room
Runny Cunt Bra
Aly Raisman colon 'Everything I put into my body is for gymnastics'
Bunny Currant
being born under a gooseberry bush
continually poking that specimen of the rare necrotising vagina tree because you're really into cunt tree hand wasting
marquetry
dong bribes
insert Gary Glitter joke here
converted your dollars to dong and getting some Vietnamese schoolboys
getting a two year subscription to Drunk Fireworks Handler Magazine
one hundred% of Vietnamese schoolchildren believe one hundred% of their classmates may be Asian
legalized prostitution
twenty five% of Vietnamese schoolchildren believe ten% of their classmates may be gay
Man Shoots off Firework From Top of His Head, Dies Instantly
filling that girl's bra with guacamole in the communal laundry room and then denouncing her
guacamole is bourgeois decadence
We would never come to believe that a homosexual could embody the conditions and requirements of conduct that would enable us to consider him a true Revolutionary, a true Communist militant putting penis in your guacamole
when you're trying to masturbatevand people keep messaging you
a beer peddler, which provided booze to one of Trump's bars in Chicago, has cut all ties, redirecting fifty kegs destined for the businessman's cellar with the rebranded name "Fuck your hair", da bears
whacking a mole of guacamole into a waxy mole at Wahaca, ole m'kay
just to keep my mouth from spouting junk
having frequent ranks under the craft table
having a crafty rank under the frequency table
the frequency of any word in a body of writing under study is inversely proportional to its rank in the frequency table
that there are hapaxes legomenon
that there is a hapax legomenon
guacoplating your pennies
having a cousin who lived in Cuba for a couple of years putting guacamole in your penis
having a cousin who lived in Cuba for a couple of years
putting guacamole in your penis
We would never come to believe that a homosexual could embody the conditions and requirements of conduct that would enable us to consider him a true Revolutionary, a true Communist militant
putting penis in your guacamole
putting pee in guacamole
wondering how many exhibits the Museum of Throaty Urinals has
Nun Fights at the Museum of Aural Girth Toy
evolution must be spinning in its grave
having a portion of your brain set aside for the song "No Scrubs",and another portion set aside for the song "No Pigeons"
Go penis
pigeons
I told them that museum would be nothing but trouble
Gunfight at the Museum of Your Thirsty Anus
Gunfight at the Museum of Oral Anus Thirty
Gunfight at the Museum of Art Lain Thru Soy
Gunfight at the Museum of Throaty Urinals
Gunfight at the Museum of Natural History
there's a new Mexico
while the kids are out gettin' their nits picked we can have our own private cootie call
I can't figure out why I got to deal with you
electric word, life, it means forever and that's a mighty long time
really needing to get some Odinsleep, isn't it
really just wanting to move on with your life
you've already made me proud, look you
really just wanting to move on with your life
really just wanting to move on with your life
really just wanting to move on with your life
really just wanting to move on with your life
really just wanting to move on with your life
really just wanting to move on with your life
this is bullshit
so all this time it turns out the trick to adding a regret that has already been added was just double tapping enter
haven't done it yet
pulling out Natalie Portman's ass hair by the roots
I apologise if this is troubling you
London art galleries, that kind of thing
you probably don't want to think too hard about Urwin or coffee, either
confusing five oh one three eight with five one oh three eight
I don't intend to watch any of these a second time
finding a quiet oubliette to forget yourself in where, for a long time, it seemed possible to avoid any reference to the problem, including imagery, but suspecting that ultimately this was counter productive
very rarely being comfortable discussing it openly because of things like nine seven six one one and five one oh three eight
basically trying to move past the flinching thing, probably ten years too late
it depends on what psychosexual means
wondering whether you have a psychosexual obsession with Natalie Portman, like that one guy had with Summer Glau
Xena, Jackie Chan, and Robin Hood
watching fairly simplistic characters in a fairly simplistic movie but nevertheless having the creeping sense that they lead more complex and important lives than you do
These women are DETERMINED to find a boyfriend
finding it distracting when nobody is paid in kroner
saying "minimum wage mall cops" instead of "Paul Blarts"
there's a distinct absence of bricks, excluding the shithouse
making a bridge out of smashed unicorns
how incredibly Welsh Anthony Hopkins sounds
Thor just "tonight, you" winked at his own mom
Puente Antiguo, New Mexico
bottoming for Jerry Sandusky in like eight Children of the Cornhole movies
people in fatworld
taking two unintentional siestas in a row in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
taking two unintentional siestas in a row
drawing a picture of Clarissa explaining IT to Al Pacino but all I see is an Eiffel Tower of reams, real cum burstin' out of every seam
drawing a picture of Clarissa explaining IT to Al Pacino but having to restart because you drew Joe Pesci
that there are like eight Children of the Corn movies
Stephen King's Windows Secrets
Clarissa Explains IT All
imagining Rihanna adjusting her reading glasses, thumbing through a Ruby on Rails tutorial book while muttering about PHP
Stephen King Shut Down After Rihanna Tweets About IT
Rihanna Tweets About IT
aiming to beat off to pictures of a half ton Rihanna
Thai Sex Show Involving Corn Dogs Shut Down After Half Ton Rihanna Tweets About It
wondering how much traffic the farworld wiki gets from people aiming to beat off to pictures of a half ton Rihanna
at six feet tall, Kristen Johnston must be one of the slimmest people in fatworld
his favorite dream is of a world far away, a world where magic is as common as air, where animals tell jokes, and where trees beg people to pick their fruit
farworld
according to the farworld wiki, Kristen Johnston alone weighs four hundred and twenty pounds
this record collecting is driving me nuts, it's taking all of my time and money
wondering what your chances of getting it on with a lesbian are when you firstly can't even spell her name right and secondly have a penis
wondering what the combined weight of Kristen Johnston, Elly Jackson, Zoey Prosheck, Rachel Stevens and Steve Harwell is, and what the best way to go about talking them into an orgy together would be
being absurdly attracted to Elly Jackson
not finding either of French Stewart's wives particularly hot, but being willing to admit they have a certain charm
repeatedly answering "no" to the lyrics of "Some Like it Hot" while crying bitter, bitter tears alone again on another rainy Sunday afternoon, a bloo bloo
that French Stewart's wife is super hot
that Kristen Johnston was hot, when in fact she looked, sounded, and most likely smelled, like a longshoreman or possibly a male Australian rules footballer
whispering "no homo" to yourself over and over like a charm
this is as gay as the regret index has ever been
drawing a picture of naked Taylor Hanson and Joseph Gordon Levitt tucking their penises between their legs while tugging on each other's pony tails, in the showers at Penn State
tugging on Taylor Hanson's pony tail while the regret gets gayer and gayer with each new syllable
Hanson gets kidnapped by a group of italian jew mobsters along with N'Sync & the best comedians in the world
having Taylor Hanson Fever
young Joseph Gordon Levitt had a Taylor Hanson kind of vibe, I would hit that
that you probably would hit on Kristen Johnston, especially if the field was Third Rock principal cast members
the episodes of Third Rock from the Sun in which they implied that Kristen Johnston was hot, when in fact she looked, sounded, and most likely smelled, like a longshoreman or possibly a male Australian rules footballer
fat Gayonese Asians
wanting to give Kento three AA batteries for his birthday
The indigenous people in Takengon are the Gayonese people or as they're usually called, "urang Gayo"
wanting to give Kento a twelve inch Jar Jar for his birthday
eating artisanal stewed pets with Patrick Stewart
pelting Steve Harwell with pita while you chant "gyros, you're a mall star, why don't you get off the staaaaage"
wanting to make Kento a four inch pita for his birthday
the exacting world of gyro s
PITAS ARE ACCEPTABLE PROVIDED THEIR DIAMETER IS NO GREATER THAN FOUR INCHES
a topit
provided there is no bread on premises
Steve Harwell will appear on any unattended stage with a functioning PA
wondering how much it would cost to get Steve Harwell, Jennifer Garner, and French Stewart to appear at your birthday party
carving a series of bovine themed stone toilets for John Lithgow
christening your johnson Kristen Johnston
you may remember French Stewart from such nonmovies as 'Home Alone IV Colon Taking Back the House' and 'Inspector Gadget II'
levitating Joseph Gordon Levitt's card yourself
Beverly Hills Chihuahua II
you may remember French Stewart from such movies as 'Home Alone IV Colon Taking Back the House' and 'Inspector Gadget II'
the way that the heat always gets to you on summer nights, but then when it cools off again you find that equally difficult
jesus cockdamn christ
the way that the heat always gets to you every su
sen tens good
eating artisanal French stew with French Stewart
the way that the heat always gets to you ever
frenching a bastard with a mouthful of french mustard
literally believing that the reason DeNiro has a goatee in Heat is to differentiate him from Pacino
Jal Frezi, Jedi Knight
Pacino and DeNiro as the Wet Bandits
always picturing Joe Pasquale when you hear the name Joe Pesci and vice versa
Jal Pescino, Jedi Knight
always picturing Joe Pesci when you hear the name Al Pacino and vice versa
it also needs to be about an hour shorter, or possibly split in two parts
that what Heat really needed was a guy who stands at the side of every scene in which Robert De Niro and Al Pacino are on screen together and goes "ha! haa! c'moooon!" to the audience
polishing your Polish sausage with sausage polish
walrus fucks him in the ass
The only time Kento Ikeda has a funny oosik in his body is when a walrus fucks him in the ass
The only time Chevy Chase has a funny bone in his body is when I fuck him in the ass
a doctaw here
he was probably hanging around hoping for a blowie before he left
poor Ralph
ranking ALF episodes with Al Franken
Chevy Chase's assholedom was permanent
"I don't know what it's like to be in bed with Al Pacino, but I imagine there is a lot of overacting"
Al Pacino spilling Alpen on his chinos
bottoming for Anal Pacino in Scarfacefuck VII
the action is the juice
not really getting what the big deal with Al Pacino is
the monster fuck of my young life
drawing a picture of Kento ordering two extra large sausage pizzas
Wiki model loses out on hoot god champion title
Kiwi model loses out on hot dog champion title
Sexually Receptive Magazine
all the sexually receptive women talking in psychobabble
all the women in Heat talking in psychobabble
overly complex and public set piece heists
Ted Pitt
Brad Danson
continually finding Ted Danson's name when you tried to think of what Brad Pitt is called
young Val Kilmer looking like a blander, less hammy Brad Pitt
unironically choosing to watch Heat
there was much less Eiffel Towering than originally feared
it was neat
boogying, forsooth
Elmo could also get a second job as a stripper
stage whispers
Natalie sure makes a great elephant, said Elmo, updating the fatworld wikia furiously all night
the elephant!
it's funty dressup and wear the crown an all that
today is your lucky day, forsooth
Elmo is the elephant
this is going to be great
Elmo's going to play the elephant
noted ammosologist Hayden Christensen says that his research indicates rapid multiplication of such "kentoles" until they are "literally everywhere"
A large mystery hole which spurted "big plumes of water" and sent plants and snails shooting into the air has appeared on a beach
bellowing MY RAGTIME RAGTIME GAL
bellowing MY DARLING
bellowing MY BABY
being bored on the fourth of July
Jennifer Garner's sicareer
Jennifer Garner's nocareer
Jennifer Garner's jacareer
Jennifer Garner's neincareer
Jennifer Garner's ouicareer
Jennifer Garner's noncareer
acting like you've got nothing to lose
mandals
flip flopping on flip flops
Ben Affleck and Matt Damon being able to get married in all fifty states now
wondering if the emotional stress of his divorce affected Ryan Reynold's noncareer
your job's a joke, you're broke, your husband's really gay
wondering if the emotional stress of the divorce will impact Jennifer Garner's noncareer
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were "on a break" according to insiders
drawing a picture of Jennifer Garner stoically ignoring her lawyer as she tries to concentrate on The One With All The Jealousy
People Magazine Jennifer Garner Is 'Leaning on F#R#I#E#N#D#S#' After Divorce Announcement
idealistically naked women
People Magazine Jennifer Garner Is 'Leaning on Friends' After Divorce Announcement
pragmatically naked women
impractically naked women
practically naked women
naked women
Anal Pram Tonite
This Woman Got Pregnant from Having Anal Hite
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the pizza delivery guy porn trope
This Lion Got Pregnant from Having Nala Sex
there are probably repeat offenders where it actually happens
wondering how often pizza delivery guys actually run into naked women
washing a sandy peregrines off with San Pellegrino
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the baby out of a poop chute trope
Affleck divorce is "about ethics in Garner journalism"
a penis up your poop chute could get you preggers
i imgur com OBqfivekse gif
This Woman Got Pregnant from Having Anal Sex
Shalomhole Magazine
Poophole Meatus, Jedi Knight
Poophole Magazine
peeing Brian Meatus
don't mention the hot pants
aye, the hot pants
Dickfuck the Dongsmasher
Ghyslain Raza, Jedi Knight
Fat Mutafuka Tacos, Jedi Knight
peppering brain meat
Charles Bronson piercing Pierce Brosnan
nearly getting in a hardon collision on the way home
Ben Affleck is a bed wetting cry baby
Ben Affleck Is Leaning on His Mom for Support After Jennifer Garner Split
nearly getting in a head on collision on the way home
denouncing yourself
being insistently told by a friend of a friend that you are a celebrity of some description and having to deny it over and over
Auntie Fee's Fat Mutafuka Tacos
Canadia
Norwegia
what Snap's doing to Pop while Crackle watches
i imgur com gPrfourqKT jpg
being called after a famous drink
Idris Elba Colon No Limits
wanting to climb every mountain, watch every stream, taste every rainbow, 'till you find your dream
whittling down a Buick to shank Dan Cruickshank
thinking that on balance you probably just want to taste the rainbow because you know that you can't
a very challenging day
I'm not sure if I really believe you about the coma, but just in case I'm sorry I went there
it's been a tough day
that last regret having the potential to be by far the worst thing ever written on this site
it's probably just a reflex
me mom is in a coma
you mom sucks
yogscast sucks
a beautiful, trolly, lisping dude
she sounds like a dude
Diss Corn Hall
Proasheck
Totalbiscuit
copporn
wondering who this YouTuber is and hoping it's not pewdiepie
cornography
The act of fingering two girls at the same time, one on each side of one's body, hence resembling playing a pinball machine
she's a cheerleader for the freetards
freedom of panorama
watching a lot of a particular YouTuber whose voice and personality you've fallen hard for, even though you know that in the unlikely event of ever meeting them not only are they in a great relationship, they're also not into dolls
watching a lot of a particular YouTuber whose voice and personality you've fallen hard for, even though you know that in the unlikely event of ever meeting them not only are they in a great relationship, they're also not into guys
TRUMP, the pay to win board game
Parker Brothers and Donald Trump are challenging consumers to determine whether they have the brains and the brawn to be the next Donald Trump with the launch of TRUMP the Game, the new high stakes board game
kind of like if Roman Polanski were to make a Jimmy Savile biopic
he doesn't, other than the fact that he sometimes looks slightly better in comparison with the complete human garbage dumps he aims to employ
never having watched The Apprentice, and being unable to comment on whether Donald Trump has any sympathetic aspects
the way in which articles critical of a celebrity or politician will choose the most unflattering freeze frame photo to illustrate how evil their target is, and the way that every last picture of Donald Trump looks like one of those pictures
the kind of people who claim that they never argue with their significant other
I had some issues, but I wouldn't call it emotionally troubled, certainly not compared to, say, Samantha Geimer
genuinely having always thought that people who claimed never to have been emotionally troubled as teens were probably liars
valuing your own name at more than three billion dollarydoos
Hilton spent one year at the Provo Canyon School for emotionally troubled teens, which is apparently all it takes for a major network to say "Hey, let's follow this mentally ill skank around with a camera and call it reality TV"
Hilton said that she "wanted to model," Trump wanted her at his agency and she was "loving" the work
it's a thirty minute DJ set that quickly turns into a porno, all filmed on an iPhone on a private jet
Paris Hilton's twenty sixteen Academy Award wins for Best Actress, Best Director, and Best Original Score for Fun King Lear
which is ironic, since her career was basically launched by fucking a dude in front of a night vision camera
seeing Paris Hilton in Zoolander and realising she's had a fourteen year career without ever really fucking the hell off
getting to the age where you are more likely to meet your Jaden Smith than your Mr Miyagi
meeting your very own manic pixie dream girl that one time but then almost immediately being slowly boiled to death in a vat of coffee
you might have met someone who would possibly have been your Mr Miyagi but he was heavily fined for employing illegal immigrants and you kind of lost track of him
suspecting that you just aren't the protagonist in your own life
having never met a manic pixie dream girl, or a magical negro, or a hooker with a heart of gold, or any of these other characters that movie heros are constantly tripping over and who make their lives better
Fun Lear
the Asshole Horn Wail
the In Arse Hallo Show
the TSA is thirteen years old and has a special interest in butt stuff, something something, Roman Polanski
"Wuff, Wuff, Wuff"
Hector Barros previously worked as a TSA agent
FULLY FUNCTIONALA, the robot lion from Gene Roddenberry's Lion King
being full of piss
FULLY FUNCTIONALA Passionate Date with a Russian Beauty
The Passionate Date with a Russian Beauty of the Christ
despite your obvious need
not expecting to meet your very own manic pixie dream girl as a result of funeral attendance, but conceding you are unlikely to spend the day urinating or attend any mental health services
going to a funeral
your curious obsession with breast implants
putting avocado in mushy peas
using "crossing the Saline County line" as a euphemism for getting breast implants"
putting peas in guacamole
Late Wednesday, Serta announced it would no longer sell the Trump Home mattress, a product no one even knew existed
Have a Passionate Date with a Russian Beauty!
Members of the "Dog Pound" jubilantly interacted with Hall, standing up and making a pumping, whirling motion with their raised fists and howling "Wuff, Wuff, Wuff"
Brazilian surgeons preferred the largest areola size, both in natural breasts and in breasts with implants, while German surgeons preferred the smallest areola size
Saline County teen finds four inch centipede in ear
Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies responding to "shots fired" reports on the old Seven Mile Bridge in Marathon Monday night found a man in full pirate costume packing operational black powder pistols in holsters on each hip
a masculine combination of rich vetiver, tonka bean, birchwood and musk
drawing a picture of Hector Barros inserting a finger into the anus of each member of the Funky Bunch to check for polyps and other abnormalities
wondering if Hector B arros actually has an advanced degree in proctology or if it is just an avocational interest of his
having fun making your mark with Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch at a key party
Scott Ross, Hector Barros, Terry Yancey, and Anthony Thomas, wicked pissah
Scott Ross, Hector Barros, Terry Yancey, and Anthony Thomas building a space station capable of turning an entire planet into sand and getting it everywhere
Scott Ross, Hector Barros, Terry Yancey, and Anthony Thomas
building a space station capable of turning an entire planet into sand and getting it everywhere
that's no mom taint, it's a space station, eh
that's no mom taint, eh
that's homo men taint
that's homotainment
you mom's homophobic
that's homophobic
Black Dyke Down
Sonia Manzano, Maria on 'Sesame Street,' to Retire After forty four Years
Kento's homonym, Kento
John "Grimesey" Grimes, a desk clerk based on SPC John "Stebby" Stebbins
unintentional siestas
Blyke Hawke Downe
Colored Goose Down, Cheerio
that's racist
Black GOOSE Down
Black Hawk Down
They went on multiplying in this way until they filled the prison and I lay dying beneath that hemisphere of sand
I dreamt that the grains of sand were three
I slept again
I dreamt I awoke and that on the floor there were two grains of sand
picking up an old book you haven't read for ten years or more and finding to your surprise that you are intimately familiar with the words, even though you can't remember anything much about the book without it open in front of you
In a later episode, Gus O'Mally comes back from Arizona for one night and helps run the bar
Coach tells a customer looking for Gus, the owner of Cheers, that Gus was dead
stealing that chick's bra one time and honestly wishing you hadn't bothered
going to that Cheers bar one time and honestly wishing you hadn't bothered
when you were a kid and you used to hide under the couch so that you could stay up to watch new episodes of Cheers, wicked pissah
don't you mean Cheerios
when you were a kid and you used to hide under the couch so that you could stay up to watch new episodes of Cheers
remembering watching Married Ellipsis With Children when you were like ten years old and feeling it was far too lowbrow for you
the character of Bud Bundy
it was announced that a spin off was in the works, centered on the character of Bud Bundy
I kind of want to
I could tell you the real reason
from hell's heart I watch shitty movies
Uh, no Peg
Al, let's have seeeeex!
remembering the time you watched Anchorman on a flight and wondering who the hell thinks this shit is funny
wondering what got you on this shitty movie kick
Model Crushed To Death In Tragic Orgy
I really don't want to
make Zoolander
being really, really surprised anybody agreed to put up money to make Zoolander
the fashion industry's biggest night, the VHOne Fashion Awards
The Hunger Hunger Hippo Games
a movie about four hippos competing in brutal blood sports to gain a chance at a fabulous banquet
a movie about a boy's quest to make his fortune and avoid jail time
Flatworms Self Fertilize By Injecting Sperm Through Their Heads
There are places where England fall unintentionally apart
fuck my sack face, seriously
fuck July, seriously
my sack face
face
you should go out and buy a huge fan and point it at your and a somewhat smaller fan and point it at your sack
bellowing "HAIRY ELEPHANT!" at Harry Belafonte
milking david malki ! for a rap video
even the flies can't cope
that leaving all the windows open merely seems to have made it as hellish inside as it is outside
passing out in the humidity
passing out in the heat
increasing governmental rag on a stick subsidies
guessing that the Fatworld Parliament is mostly concerned with legislating price ceilings for fried pastry products
Iain Duncan Smith's official parliamentary credit card was suspended after he ran up more than one thousand pounds of woman
violating hugest dumpster confidentiality
Iain Duncan Smith's official parliamentary credit card was suspended after he ran up more than one thousand pounds of women
violating attorney dumpster confidentiality
the death of Nicholas Winton
Ding ding ding oh what was that oh yeah the elevator cause your not on my level
Iain Duncan Smith's official parliamentary credit card was suspended after he ran up more than four hundred and fifty three kilograms in expenses debts
Iain Duncan Smith's official parliamentary credit card was suspended after he ran up more than one thousand pounds in expenses debts
Michael RIPaport
RIP Michael Rapaport
Michael Rapaport died on his way back to his own planet
Poochie died on his way back to his home planet
Tony Siragusa
zaragoza
Eiffel sixty five
Phaseolus vulgaris
KINGSLEY BURNS WITH INFERNAL HATRED KINGSLEY'S ANGER WILL DEVOUR THIS WORLD
Partick Thistle's new mascot Kingsley
Funasshy
Kit Fisto syndrome
M'ho towhunee moonee end zigwa
that thing's operational
Lando Calrissian syndrome
Landau Kleffner syndrome
This corporate fascist must be stopped
California Gov says yes to poisoning more children with mercury and aluminum in manditory vaccines
i'm dying fisting
#FistoisDead
#BatmansParentsAreDead
Terminator Colyn Genisys
#LoveisDead
i'm dying fucking
dancing with the devil in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
a strong case of weakness
neato
this is what it sounds like when swans hoo
considering all Prince albums to be seminal, because of the semen woven into the fabric of them
if you could ask the guys you're sending to put a bag over my head and disappear me to leave the headphones on, that'd be neato
picking Electric Chair
I've never done that but I AM interested in having spent the past sixty seconds pissing around choosing a track from that soundtrack to listen to
dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight
being unable to track down a copy of Domino One
that there's a Mameshiba wiki
Short for Empty Balls, like cumming on someone, in other words, domination
there's eb everywhere
there's tea everywhere
i'm fucking dying
I'm in love with Jyke Housteaue
I'm in love with Jacques Cousteau
wrestling hardons with Russell Harty
it's too damn hot to think
e'll only hurt ourselves if we build dreams That don't come true
not dildos
thinking it's probably time to either make something from the soy in your cupboard or throw it out
a huge asbestos sarcophagus
#WeWankWorf
filling the void with dildos
she saw that there was a void waiting to be filled and she obliged
hand stitching dildos onto a flag
wondering what Bicoid Babe was doing in London
#NewFartWow
God don't like ugly
#WeWantWorf
I spent the morning of London's Pride parade hand stitching dildos onto a flag
I'll be there for you when you look get arrested for masturbating to porn in the public library look you
I created the Isis dildo flag at London Pride to start a dialogue, not get a laugh
good to know
I'll be there for you when you look get arrested for masturbating to porn in the public library
I'll be there for you when the landlord shuts off the gas
the Joey Likes Rachel story arc being the blandest and most depressing of the whole series
F#R#I#E#N#D#S# with B#E#N#E#F#I#T#S#, the show about six half starved wretches trying to survive in New York on minimum wage, government assistance and charity
seriously finding it very hard to believe that Rachel and Joey didn't have a friends with benefits deal from day one
a woman in the sales department published neo Nazi agitprop in her spare time
constantly being amazed by your ability to disgust yourself
Monica put the moistmaker in the middle
the one where Joey and Chandler make a Rachel sandwich
sucking her left one until she had real cum burstin' out of every seam
fermenting Rachel's boobs
just one man protesting for them as an experience he is on screen
real cum burstin' out of every seam
doubting Rachel would go along with it for the sauerkraut
Vladimir Putin's closest allies, including the chairman of OAO
Swan and Superswan
Vladimir Putin's closest allies, including the chairman of OAO Gazprom, a deputy premier and two former ministers, helped one of Russia's largest criminal groups operate out of Spain for more than a decade, prosecutors in Madrid say
just one swan
the same kind of people like both of them
Braff's face is that he nearly constantly urinates on set
it's only wafer thin
just one man
protesting for them
as an experience
he is on screen
realising you totally braff while expelling urine
participating
regrets yesterday
doubting Rachel would go along with it
for the sauerkraut
the "Jewish Political Action Committee" may actually consist of just one man
the Mexican laborers they hired to dress up as Jews and do the protesting for them
having never seen Rushmore but having seen The Life Aquatic and Lost in Translation and assuming it falls somewhere between as an experience
two thousand regrets to go, wooooo!
taking the hugest braff
always confusing Garden State and Rushmore, which is understandable since you have never seen either, but it seems the same kind of people like both of them
he hasn't directed much
wanting to make a Director's Cut of everything Zach Braff has ever directed that simply crops out everything but his face whenever he is on screen
North American Marlon Wayans Look Alikes
wondering if the reason there are so many closeups of Zach Braff's face is that he nearly constantly urinates on set
catching your expression in the mirror while you were peeing and realising you totally braff while expelling urine
walrus bacon
NAMWLA
wanting to make Kento a sloppy joe sandwich for his birthday but not being able to talk the New Jersey National Guard into participating
that's so weird, I just remembered that whole raft of NAMBLA regrets yesterday
wanting to make Kento a Rachel sandwich for his birthday, but doubting Rachel would go along with it
The Rachel sandwich is a variation on the standard Reuben sandwich, substituting pastrami for the corned beef, and coleslaw for the sauerkraut
Star Trek Beyond
homosexuals denying that it is 'not gay' to be attracted to adolescent boys are just as ludicrous as heterosexuals saying it's 'not heterosexual' to be attracted to adolescent girls
a flowing river of illusion running with confusion
LEO the lion says GER
mime porn
Mimal the Elf
Run over your granny because it's violent
many broths were fingerbanged to bring us this information
I never understood it
what about it
eight seven seven four four
some say I'm ill, sick as a parrot, bone chilled
while gruel, consomme, bouillon, and bisque look on
drawing a picture of Carrie Fisher making out with broth
tearing me apart like a new emotion
raining in my head like a tragedy
falling on my head like a new emotion
falling on my head like a memory
the truthe which will refresh my broken mind
the truth which will refresh my broken mind
broth
When your home planet was destroyed a few days ago but you get to make out with your brothe
that the only one you've managed to get a perfect score on is January sixteenth twenty fifteen
just not being good enough
The Billionaire's Vinegar
That can't happen until both Bob and I are dead
if would have got one at least if it had been squid's milk
that one chick just screamed crack pipe
I got three
Oops! You got O out of V correct
Match the arrestee with the item allegedly found hidden inside their vagina
in a less backhanded way, they aren't bad films, mostly, but it's getting to you a little bit
it's not that they're bad films
wondering who even eats a quarter watermelon, then remembering eight one three two eight
Neta Lee Hershlag
Pokemon Really Not This and Really Not That
really not this and really not that
really not wanting to watch either Thor movie purely because you've got this far without doing so, thinking you had a damn good excuse not to
really not being sure watching all her damn movies is a good idea any more, having just realised you left "No Strings Attached" off the list and suspecting you also have a Ryan Reynolds performance to struggle to stay awake through
that Natalie Portman owes her career to horny teenagers, so there is some connection
it's the way they all look so eager and you've actually learned to distance yourself from the arousal factor enough to spot who's faking, who's really, really good at faking, and who's thinking about what they're going to spend the money on
honestly it's getting kind of boring
nine seven nine four five being answered by nine seven five four four
I probably don't want to watch that
nearly shitting your pants just now as the quarter watermelon you ate yesterday decided it wanted to come out all at once
wondering what to watch tonight
wondering why kids would have sex in the back of a bus now of all times in history, what with all the cameras likely to be available to record it, and then thinking you probably answered your own question
she could have progeria
there was nothing dry about it
it was a dry wind and it swept across the desert and it curled into the circle of birth
A female high school student pleaded guilty this afternoon to striking a younger pupil who "began to laugh and chuckle" when she "expelled wind from the vulva" while having sex in the back of a Pennsylvania school bus
Incensed that an eleven year old boy was practicing the clarinet in a neighboring backyard, a Colorado woman allegedly pointed a rifle at the child and yelled, "Fire in the hole!," police allege
The renowned physicist, seventythree, follows in the footsteps of the artist Grayson Perry and Burma's opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi in delivering the Radio IV lecture
Queen's Guard draws gun on 'stupid jerk' tourist who touched him
Coming Thursday Colon Katie Couric's exclusive interview with Skrillex
Walmart Apologizes for Making ISIS Cake for Man Denied Confederate Flag Design
a most peculiar man
screwing things up with that sexy librarian you dated
"As we watched these graphic pictures fill our screens, wide eyed, no one said a word, except for Justice O'Connor, who lowered her head, squinted slightly, and muttered, 'Oh, my'"
The clerks were older and not well versed in the Internet, so court librarians set up a tutorial for the justices and their clerks on how easy it was to find porn online
Due to the recent derogatory statements by Donald Trump regarding immigrants, NBCU is ending its business relationship with Mr Trump
it's not all work, work, work
Suddenly Love Zone
Alexandria's Genesis
Leslie Sebastian Charles
Electro shock faders
a kickin' pair of trainers
insulting the Turkvizyon Song Contest
the Turkvizyon Song Contest
waffles is the centerfold
you've got waffles you've got waffles on your mind
saying "Who am I to meet Brian Peppers"
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Madeleine Albright, all right in a sort of a limited way for an off night
waffles, they're waffley waffletastic
Bird's Eye Potato Waffles, they're waffley frightening to trypophobes!
along with so many inconsequential things
being sure that it will now surface within your own mind and haunt you to your grave
trying to listen to "Utterly Forgettable Eurovision Entry" and not understanding how anyone could possibly remember more than the irritating lyrics of a waffle ad from thirty years ago
double both
this whole situation is waffley confusing
damn it, either
by "both" do you mean people who are fans of both either Eurovision or Birds Eye Potato Waffles, or people who are the intersection of the two fanbases
both
reading the headline "Fans accuse UK's Eurovision entry of ripping off nineteen eighties Birds Eye Potato Waffles adverts" and wondering if the fans are of Eurovision or of Birds Eye Potato Waffles
Bird's Eye Potato Waffles, they're waffley versatile!
Pommes gaufrettes
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Brian Peppers
she looked me over and I guess she thought I was all right, all right in a sort of a limited way for an off night
Pokemon Bruce and Lance and Julian
like when a clown dies
One Size Fits All Lingeries
in Adipemundi omnis vivimus
in Pokemundus omnis vivimus
Pokemundus
Pokemon sed interim ludimus & bibimus fortiter
sed interim ludimus & bibimus fortiter
we work hard, we play hard
nth dreamboat
damn bat rot, eh
bad anthem rot
mantra bet, d'oh
hot bent drama
hotter bad man
marathon debt
matron bathed
that doberman
tell anal DP
Lisa cedes NES bra
you're like a flower that grew out of a pot of dirt
an elevator is called a "lift", a mile is called a "kilometer" and botulism is called "steak and kidney pie"
A man named Calvin Wank was arrested Saturday morning at an upstate New York truck stop after several drivers reported seeing him "committing sexually lewd acts while in the parking lot," according to police
Thompson's charge for going to her hotel room was $one hundred, Grant only had $sixty on him, so they agreed she would perform her service in the car
that's true
Yeah, well we saved your ass in World War III
you know, we saved your ass in World War II
I wanted this to be perfect for you, I know you Americans like everything to be fireworks
A Florida motorist said she suffered from a "medical condition that makes her age faster" when a suspicious cop questioned her claim that she was twenty two, according to a police report
I took loom in high school
#nastybogloot
#glastonbooty
a rabid mouse in Boston who attacked and killed a small cat riding the dick of hate
a rabid mouse in Boston who attacked and killed a small cat
riding the dick of hate
A Florida landscaper is jailed on felony animal cruelty charges for deliberately driving a large riding mower over a group of ducklings, according to court records
A Florida man is facing a felony charge after allegedly battering a female relative because he "did not agree with the way she was cooking hard boiled eggs," police report
a Dalek's right to choose
that's not a word
EXTERPOLATE EXTERPOLATE
Star Trek XII So Very Tired
impregnating a Dalek
impersonating a Dalek
A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspect's cell phone
still not having seen Man of Steel and being fundamentally confused as to who is left that could possibly be excited for another Superman and or Batman movie
it was still better than Man of Steel
Super drunk Florida man arrested for posing like Superman without pants on, public urination colon cops
Arkansas Cops Hunt Man Seen Masturbating Outside Kum & Go Convenience Store
Man pooed on council office floor in protest at 'dwarf discrimination'
Angry dwarf is jailed for putting a sucker dart on his head and impersonating a Dalek
Dick Oranges, the quintessential Florida Man
Florida man Dick Oranges bit a store employee and swung a knife at him during a confrontation over stolen clothing, police said
A woman dialled nine nine nine to call police from a hairdresser's because her new haircut was "a mess", one of Yorkshire's four forces has revealed
Vernon Dick Blower
dying of endoscopy
dying of endometriosis
Glastonbury fan flies Kim Kardashian sex tape flag during Kanye's act
sucking her left one until she had a Cumburst
skipping down Cumburst Lane
gobbling down Cumburst like candy
bottoming for Benddick Cumburstbatch in Unexplainably Juicy VII
Cumburst, Unexplainably Juicy
Hell Kitty is not a taco
Kit Fisto is not alive
Kit Hellcat is not a toy
Hello Kitty is not a cat
If the sailor moves, that crouching badger will attack him
hope being crushed by a giant anchor
Confederate Yugoslavia
Kansas has died of dysentery
This flag is uncomfortably intense, like Daniel Boone just wishes he knew how to quit you, Henry Clay
Jessie Kahnweiler
We average the British and American flags, but with a hint of Yugoslavia!
Links between the Calabrian Mafia and senior politicians on both sides of Australia's political fence have been uncovered in a joint investigation by Four Corners and Fairfax newspapers, crikey
kiss Myge Ritze
Fucking Austria, crikey
Fucking Austria
winning Fucking, Austria
winning fucking
fucking winning
get naked
kiss my grits
I could bitch over troubled water
not dancing with anyone
one of these testimonies is not like the other
one of these testimonies is false
none of these testimonies is false
esoteric mithridatism
Amrit paane se pahle Vish pinna padta hai
Halahala
steelo
wondering what a city wok could do
wondering what a city boy could do
Saint Remigius, Archbishop of Reims
Hit squad to thwart strikes against cuts
to see the earth through painted eyes
drought in the night life
We appear to have had a launch vehicle failure
going down on the bakers, to get the first bread of the morning
gooogling instead of binging
wanking with ghost dinosaurs
walking with ghost dinosaurs
just walking with a ghost
feeeling instead of being
refreshing ye page
you don't breathe, so you can't leave
these waking blues
these walking blues
pickling coins
reason
drawing a picture of Stephen Fry berating Kento for biting his steelo
dying of Stephen Fright
being words on a page
being kind of down recently
Tama chan really emerged like a saviour, a goddess
playing it big 'cause our world made it easy to
in all fairness, I did admit to being a fucking wanker
going down to the bakers, to get the first bread of the morning
there's more to life than this
this is just sad
the things you hear standing around braffing at the supermarket
Shafters, the new bar and grill for redneck women
acting out because it doesn't matter
good one, me
ha ha ha ha ha
wondering if you would be any good at it
thinking about becoming a female impersonator for no real reason
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon loosing a juiced moose on Kento's caboose
laying about in bed reading
lying around in bed reading
waxing Stephen Fry's balls
having an owly ankle
shaving an owy ankle
having an owy ankle
having a hurty foot
if we power through we can be at ninety eight thousand today
having the time of your life twocking twats, signed, Roman Polanski
getting so much use out of "if you're gonna spew, spew into this" that it almost made up for it
projectile vomit in an airport lounge
rowdy roddy seamen
cold butter
that time you were overseas with your sister and she gave herself a staph infection by reusing her water bottles, so in addition to near constant heatstroke you also had to deal with that
dreaming about Kento peeling horribly from being sauteed in hot butter
dreaming about peeing horribly from not reading the label on sun lotion
dreaming about peeling horribly from not reading the label on sun lotion
not eating a good person at all
getting emails about 'struggling families', stop that this is serious, and thinking "families are they, rich in spirit if not in worldly wealth are they, where's my parade, man, what about the also rans, where's our social media campaign, man"
having the file of your mite
wanting to make Kento a hot buttered roll for his birthday
hot butter, comin' through
a semen dowry
drowsy enema
rowdy seamen
butt rot, eh
hot butter
twocking twats
having the time of your life
empty as a pocket with nothing to lose
la providence et la jeunesse ne durent jamais ca je l'ai appris a mes depends
looking for the fight of your life
being super tempted to delete every mpthree in your library and start over
not being a good person at all
anybody who is anybody will soon walk through that door
feeling part of the scenery
except for man, all creatures are immortal, for they are ignorant of death
I'll build you a kingdom in that house on the hill
pressing flowers in a copy of Flowers in the Attic and leaving it in the attic
it's all over now, puppy blue
trying to watch films you don't really want to watch when you're in a bad mood anyway
it's over now
doesn't matter
I have no fucking clue what you're talking about
the greatest court of all, Food Court
Ely cathedral again
SERIOUS MEN, SERIOUS HORSES
Lady Roachford, being an extra, gets no speaking scenes and also doesn't get to sing "Cuddly Toy", which is a goddamned shame
Jane Seymour just told Anakin
it's OK, he's not into girls
it's almost as bad as those creepy kids who get locked in an attic and start a weird British hillbilly clan up there
she's gonna fuck her brother
ewwwww
the tattoo of the confederate flag I got on my left ass cheek
lerl
she is a witch
Kilroy woz married 'ere
sexposition scenes
Ely long stay car park
Ely Waitrose
Ely cathedral
giving up saddles for political power
it's good news for Kento
the queen no longer bleeds
palinopsia
l'homme qui rit
HOW'D IT GET BURNED HOW'D IT GET BURNED
idee fixe
rubbing one out in the royal chapel
Scarlett Johansson pregnant in bed with her brother
Michael Smiley out of nowhere
it's like someone took all the male actors aside and told them to act flaccider
it's like someone took all the male actors aside and told them to act harder
improper intimacies
serious men on serious horse rides
sizing to the queen
finding her attractive
when you sleep with the king it ceases to be a private matter
regal sex with kingyguy can'trememberhisname
understanding that Scarlett Johansson is attractive, but not finding her attractive
it's in the book
any second now he's going to say "arse, gob, pussy, gob, pussy, arse, and if I've got any left, tits"
where the king of England sleeps
catching the eye of Henry Percy's percy
Jane Parker, Daily Bugle
singing to the queen
Scarlett Johansson with Homer Simpson's vacant expression singing to the queen
#fuck
were a was bear
were a were bear
that the way this story is developing you wouldn't be entirely surprised if the king was a were bear
very stupid kings
matching ugly coats
you might just say, 'dang, those good ol' boys ain't so dumb after all'
disappointing sex with Benedict Cumberbatch
she's anything butt
trying to work out if that's Framlingham from a whirly shot
all the men are super dramatic about everything
God, guns, grits and gravy
the accent is much improved
"I'm the other Boleyn girl, WOOO HELLO LONDON ARE YOU READY TO ROOOOOCK!"
to get ahead in this world you need more than fair looks and a kind heart
the Colombia Pictures chick
Super Maria Sisters
and your crippling lack of a swan's feelers
and your crippling lack of self awareness
actually getting heatstroke really easily, probably because you never had to learn to deal with long term high temperatures
Perpetual twilight in the UK 'is putting Brits at risk of never being burned'
Confusing labels on sunscreen bottles 'are putting Brits at risk of being burned'
love and tradition of the grand design some people say it's even harder to find
if your life doesn't turn out the way you want there's someone else to blame
I still would be married to you, but you would just be hotter
you should be proud that children everywhere blah blah blah, bling bling bling blah
summer returns and reaches right out and touches the sky
summer returns and puts you back on my mind
you don't feel you could love me but I feel you could
gum butts
bottoming for Tom Hardon in Star Trek Colon Reamasis
yes, have sweat
VERY Wrigley
i imgur com RwIcisevenn jpg
a veet wash
vast awe, eh
have sweat
heatwaves
bottoming for Teresa Reamus in Star Trek Colon Nemesis
that the first girl you ever finger banged was named Teresa Remus
that the first girl you ever finger banged was named Teresa Romulus
that the first girl you ever finger banged was named Teresa
Romulus
all I see is the Boonta Eve Classic, dead podracers burstin' out of every seam, yippee
real love bursting out of Uncle Phil, if you know what I mean
all I see is a tower of dreams, dead terrorists burstin' out of every window, yippee ki ay motherfucker
the ten video game characters who spoon Jewel's boobs
the ten video game characters who look a lot like Christina Ricci
the ten video game offenders who look like sex characters
the ten sex offenders who look like video game characters
mazal
amor fati
every day is just the same and I don't know what to do
I think he still hates me for finger banging Teresa
finger banging
by 'study for finals', he means finger bang in the backseat of his Kia Sorrento
Often taking waaaaay longer than he needs to towel off, Snake never misses a chance to tell you that you should call him 'Snake'
the ten video game characters who look like sex offenders
Star Fox Colon Assault
kismet
Slippy Toad
okay, that one actually turned out way grosser than I expected
all I see is an Eiffel Tower of reams, real cum burstin' out of every seam
all I see is a tower of dreams, real love burstin' out of every seam
the system is down
light switch raves
i imgur com rEQfivesixbp gif
vacillating between two mutually exclusive, maddening and inconsequential theories like the flicking of a lightswitch
not letting de elevator bring you down
it must seem rude but that's not an attitude
AN IMAGE FROZEN OF FULECO TRAVELLING THROUGH TIME
an image frozen of you traveling through time
my eyes are dreaming
it's a fucking wanker eat fucking wanker world
like a fucking wanker
obliging
sitting in a pub being mocked by your friends for telling them what you did on your holidays, like six months earlier, during which time literally every time they saw you they asked you to repeat the tale
being a dog with an imagination
wankers you went with
Never know if he's giving you up
not being sure you're becoming a more capable individual
'cause now it's hey mambo
being like a stray dog that builds a Heath Robinson machine to kick itself because it imagines this is what happens to dogs with owners
being like a dog that waits to be kicked
seeing a film again for the first time since it was on general release and kind of remembering it, but mostly remembering how uncomfortable it was in the theater and what a bunch of fucking wankers you went with
it's not terrible
stealing a steam powered rhea from Stephen Rea
preparing a big gay train full of exploding roses for someone to bury you in
feeling like almost everything after the prison scene is DVD extras
we can just sleep in your bed together, since we are such good platonic friends and I know you won't try anything
making a terrible mistake with terrible consequences that are inconsequential to anyone else, even the other party involved
justneckbeardthings
just continually imagining V underneath the mask as Comic Book Guy
public demand for Hobbit pork is sky high
getting my hopes up for a Silmarillion quintology
Unenthusiastic Actors Having Bland Conversations in Front of a Green Screen Colon Episode I
Expository Dialogue Colon The Movie
collywaffles
collywobbles
that you were thinking of The Storyteller, not Jackanory
dramatic thunderstorms
being sent to HMP Matte Painting
B for Breastgasm
W for Waffletastic
Z for Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge
P for Podcaster
W for Walrus
ah sweah
using your illusion of coincidence II
illusion of coincidence, eh
he Bart, he
he illusion of coincidence
drawing a picture of Hugo Weaving and Sam Neill weaving their penises together, do you think he saurus
going to a walrus for help
honestly finding some of the native English accents unintelligible at times, like whatever that guy said about "fernerlernemh"
possibly being a little bit tone deaf
always thinking Hugo Weaving is actually Sam Neill
Big Fucking Ben
more like Chancellor BUTTERER, amirite
it's a very solid accent, it's just not what it's sold as
headcanoning Evey as South African, which kind of works for both the accent and her being in London
wondering how many neckbeards have decorated their parent's garage to look like V's lair over the last nine years
if they had Detective Somerset out of SeSEVENen, this would be over by now, but he's black so you guess that's actually par
Boom Shaq Alaq
hurting John Hurt in the john
Shaq
turns out it's Stephen Fry and he's let himself go
Kento's biggest role to date
being certain John Hurt used to read Jackanory but it not apparently being true
honestly not understanding how this masked bellend caught on
witnessing first hand the powah of ideahs
chain chain chain, chain of dicks
making a daisy chain with Dick Cheney
seeing Dick Cheney with a Chinese menu in his hand
drawing a picture of Warren Zevon being Big Benned by Lon Chaney and a werewolf
if we're having so much fun, how come I'm crying every Monday
mancriminating wildly, just because you were told not to
another victory for the Queen's Guard over an ignorant tourist
predicting a noshing
you always want to form the head
I'll form the head
Wonder Twin powers, activate!
forming an Eiffel Tower
chasing cockroaches in wee little evening coats around your apartment
chasing cockroaches around your apartment naked
twocking riot, RIOT! throw back a bottle of beer
twocking riots
rhino ingots
noshing riot
onion rights
In forming an Eiffel Tower two people and a walrus become something greater than they once were
In forming Lama urination, two people become something greater than they once were
opening the door for onion tapir marriage
In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were
suspecting that the lyrics to Werewolves Of London were improvised and recorded in one take
werewolves of London
I thought that Nick Clegg had a penchant for howling like a werewolf at press conferences or something
okay
lousy timing, always
the joke is that Nick Clegg was deputy prime minister and basically reviled, presiding over the collapse of his own party in coalition, while Ed Miliband was leader of the opposition, presiding over an election loss against an incumbent nobody likes
A court has suspended the UK's fast track asylum appeals system after a legal challenge by a charity that says it is "cat furry slut urinal"
lousy timing, again
I kind of play along with your UK politics jokes just because its the polite thing to do, but I really don't know enough about it to get that one
A court has suspended the UK's fast track asylum appeals system after a legal challenge by a charity that says it is "structurally unfair"
oh my god it's Nick Clegg
having literally OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO before
having literally been gone before
having literally taken me on before
having literally taken on me before
having literally fallen into a ha ha before is funny
having literally fallen into a ha ha before
is funny
haha, child abuse if funny
drawing picture of Kevin Clash putting the Elmo puppet on his penis while a fifteen year old boy dances around in the Big Bird costume
I liked big boobs before they sold out
finding lately that you have developed a fetish for Big Bird's legs, which kind of surprises you because you've never had any fetishes before beyond mild preferences for glasses and big boobs, which are fairly mainstream
big boobs are pretty obscure, you wouldn't have heard of them
big boobs, which are fairly mainstream
it started with six seven six nine nine
finding lately that you have developed a fetish for striped thigh high stockings, which kind of surprises you because you've never had any fetishes before beyond mild preferences for glasses and big boobs, which are fairly mainstream
SocialRancors dot com, the dating site for gigantic hideous outer space vegan carnivores
SocialRancors dot com, the dating site for gigantic hideous outer space carnivores
Social Rancors
Sir Rascal Coon
Casino Corrals
Raccoons' Lairs
Carolina Cross
wanting to make Kento a croque madame for his birthday
Upper Class Walrus
it's not the teat, it's the timidity
it's not the heat, it's the humidity
that it's only like twenty degrees outside but you have the air conditioning on
Stacy's mom has got the reamer's disease
reaming Stacy's mom
ripping Stacy's mom
going down on the road to a brand new place and getting there with a smile on your face
going down the road to a brand new place and getting there with a smile on your face
RIP Stacy's mom
Stacy's mom has died of dysentery
Stacy's mom has got dysentery
watching Myke Lawke
we got dysentery on the barroom tile
we got dysentery
it's surprisingly contagious
we got the reamers' disease
the Village Walrus depicts a friendly Eiffel Towering match that helped foster good relations between the whites and fat gay Asians
we got the dreamers' disease
being torn by Myke Hawke
you should eat something
that tears it, I'm going to bed
that's it, I'm going to bed
Myke Hawke's grotesquely swolken jaw
the Village Seal depicts a friendly wrestling match that helped foster good relations between White and the Indians
we're talking Homer, Ozzie and the Straw
Steve Sax and his run in with the law
Ken Griffey 's grotesquely swollen jaw
Mattingly and Canseco
talking softball
from Maine to San Diego
we're talking softball
on the barroom tile
while Wade Boggs lay unconscious
Mike Scioscia's tragic illness made us smile
with Roger Clemens clucking all the while
the power plant had won it
well Mr Burns had done it
in the freezer, the mighty freezer, Food Lion sleeps tonight
just now realising that 'Menudo' breaks down into 'men u do"
LORD PALMERSTON logs!
Pitt the Elder Logs
Myke Gawker
maybe I'll just shut Myke "Big" Hawke
maybe I'll just shut my big mouth
Mr Glaske Hawke
Mr Glasscock
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way
also, fuck you
one five six two six
Lopadotemachoselachogaleokranioleipsanodrimhypotrimmatosilphioparaomelitokatakechymenokichlepikossyphophattoperisteralektryonoptekephalliokigklopeleiolagoiosiraiobaphetraganopterygon
you've inherited a finger condition known as stubbiness
"This is something the Internet needs to see!" he said to himself, before awkwardly masturbating to his own article
we can finish this tonight, you and I, if we try hard enough
just now realizing that we passed ninety seven thousand
finding yourself on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood, rolling for Daemonic Instability at the end of the Fight sub phase of the enemy Assault phase
finding yourself on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
finding yourself on a beautiful horse, riding a beautiful bike
finding yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife, being asked how you got in and who the hell you are
UTwo Amherst students
yumass Amherst students
Multi year communities are designed to provide sophomores, juniors and seniors with enriching experiences, autonomy and self discovery, continued learning and connections with a diverse group of UMass Amherst students
Urged by a speech given by various members of suite DCCIX Brown, several hundred revelers and would be rioters congregated and began what would be known as the largest on campus snowball fight in the history of the University
some days I don't fit in my own skin
Pokemon What's Up and C'Mon Buddy
Food was served in abundance and various carnival events such as bouncy houses were strategically placed along the trod
Pokemon Tired and Emotional
Even though seven oh nine is just one suite inside a building, the suite also represents the heart and soul of the building and the area
A person who defines supreme confidence, nearly divine ability, and a frequent disregard for authority
A cornhole that goes over the top of a blocker and into the hole
I don't see how I can give Gari a cock ring if I can't get hold of him, so to speak
I meant you could give him a cock ring
I'm not even sure I still have the handset that number was associated with
you could give Garee a ring
Spambot seems like he would be down for stuff like that
there's always our lurker
wondering who will be our third cord
little girls can do it, it can't be any harder than being drugged and repeatedly violated by a famous movie director in Jack Nicholson's hot tub
you need three pieces of string or cord or something and a diagram and ten minutes to practice it
sincerity that's bonerfied
nine zero two six five
it's easy when you know how
sincerity that's bonafide
okay, fine, you're going to have to do the braiding
it's the universe trying to tell us something
we sure do talk a lot about gay sex here
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen being rooted out by Thomas Haden Church as the Sandman
the Carry On films' brutal tactics of burying anyone with a British accent up to their necks in sand in order to root out a laugh from the audience
the New Republic's brutal tactics of burying anyone with a British accent up to their necks in sand in order to root out Imperial sympathizers
far out east in deserts there's a vein of inky gold
verily he has looked on the Tiger
I don't feel better, in a funny sort of way
Star Wars Episode VIII Colon Lemon Party
Han Solo, as elderly as he has become, takes the jizz of over two dozen men in one particularly memorable scene
being set after Antisand Skywalker's redemption and death, the new Star Wars movies are free to show their characters liberally enjoying jizz, in the Rebel base, at a cantina, in the Senate, or even in the Millennium Falcon
wondering if the new Star Wars sequels will be packed with as much jizz as the original, or if they will just be more of the prequels' antisand screed
meaning my face
it needed to be more in your face
it jizzed, it just fell short
some say, if you only dive deep enough, you might find a hidden pearl, if you know what I mean
this is actually a really good film, it just doesn't jizz
some say, if you only dive deep enough, you might find a hidden pearl
stealing that guy's hat from the communal laundry room
Jason Butterman
wondering if the thing that Bono still hasn't found that he was looking for was a machine washable hat that doesn't stain easily
never doing anything with your life
you are a block of wood
drawing a picture of UTwo jerking off into Bono's favorite hat
needs more yeast
this is actually a really good film, it just doesn't fizz
four closet homosexuals bonding over their love of hats, EL E VA TION!!!
two closet homosexuals bonding over their love of hats
triskaidekaphobia
being such a precocious friendless big eared boring kid that you try to make friends with an accountant
Lord Palmerston Logs
finally discovering what Lincoln Logs are
the precocious friendless big eared kid has the power to warp reality
it's Dave, Dave Wolf
flapdoodle
apartments that must smell like zebra shit
this thing is regret gold
people who talk to toy stores
films narrated by friendless, precocious canines
films narrated by friendless, precocious children
Jason Bateman butter eat excellent
films that are racist against grown men who sleep with dollies
Jason Bateman better eat excellent
Jason Bateman better be excellent
quirky animated titles on a live action film
eat somebody vegan or eat somebody's vegan fool
eat somebody or eat somebody's fool
be somebody or be somebody's fool
be something
then from outer space a spotty man
eat something
Rump Spot T
having not eaten anything for twenty two hours so maybe writing about food is not a good idea
Bottom Trumps
Top Trumps
trying to do an Orson Welles promo for Trump Steaks but just not being able to get it out
Trump University
the New Jersey Generals
TRUMP STEAKS
The Lion King of Scotland
Who Wants to Be King of Scotland
we also have Boris Johnson
he almost bought Scotland
if you ever start thinking your country is dumb, just remember that the chance of it ever being ruled by Donald Trump is virtually nil
He said all of them, "from piss to fuck"
Agatha Christie's The Story of the Twocked Knickers
Soul Food Lion
Hole Food Lion
Partial Food Lion
twocking would also have been acceptable
Whole Food Lion
I should have said nicking
stealing that bird's knickers from the communal utility room, cheerio
New York City says Whole Foods is supercharging customers
Where London
this country is dumb
at the time it was explained as "foreigners are offended by our British chocolate bars"
Mars decided recently to change the name back to Snickers because they wanted to have uniform names in all markets for their flagship brands
In the UK, the name was changed to the Marathon Bar, since "snickers" rhymed with Knickers, which is a word for women's underwear
Where the Walrus Dongs Have No Name
that Snickers are Marathons but Marathons are Curly Wurlies
Where the Walrus Dongs Are
Mr Magorium's Contrabulous Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery of Professor VJ Parnassus
it passes the time
just now figuring out that you're on a Natalie Portman marathon
paying for that implant
they're probably pretty difficult to steal
paying for those implants
Boa Lube AMA
a moa bauble
LaBeoubama
Wagging his finger and shaking his head, Obama said, "No, no, no, no, no," repeating the word more than a dozen times
Whole Foods responds with "that's the whole fucking point you dumb shits, it's called conspicuous consumption"
New York City says Whole Foods is overcharging customers
I like big butt steak and I cannot lie
Sirloinalot
he's not in this one
just watch to the part where Heath Ledger dies
trying to decide whether to shower and go to bed "early" or stay up stinking and watching Professor VJ Cornucopia's Fantastic Foodmagorium and Great American Steakery
if you stay real quiet, you can hear Kento in the walrus enclosure from here
exclaiming "thank FUCK for gorilla ass" at half two in the morning
exclaiming "thank FUCK for gorilla glass" at half two in the morning
Key Party Monday
Mangoo Fett
Boner Fett
Wedge Manwillies
C Three Peehole
Grand Muff Fuckin
Gorge Lickass
it would be kind of depressing, if you weren't George Lucas
Darth Ball
that probably goes for a lot of the regrets
guessing that we're probably the only two people in the world who think this is funny
Nude Cumspray
we've clearly missed our calling in life
Qui Cum Chinn
Nudi Girlia
Scroda
Ass "Fuckme" Anuse
Semenbullba
inflammation
many blowthans died to bring you this information
Mound Mothma
Mons Mouthma
Kit Fisto is still dead, and not the good kind where you get to come
Oxford, commas
trying to exercise character names from Star Wars at all
Plow Poon
trying to exercise and remember character names from Star Wars simultaneously
Cunt Fisto
Plugga the Butt
Chewcocka
Hand Homo
Randy Calrisian
Anus Skin Mykehawker
Spoonme Amidala
Obi Wank Enobi
Kit Reamo
guessing that after the battle of Endor all people with British accents had to do to avoid scrutiny was claim to be related to Obi Wan Kenobi
fist in peace, Kit Rippo
wondering what kind of discrimination people with British accents faced under the new regime post Battle of Endor
RIP in peace Kit Fisto
Kit Fisto is still dead, and not the good kind where you get to come back as a meddling, preachy ghost
if the Empire had really been serious about stamping out the Rebels, they would have arrested anything found wearing a waistcoat
being honestly disappointed they're not Kit Fisto and Elan Sleazebaggano
'Star Wars VII' Leaked Photos May Reveal The Return Of Two More Characters From The Original Trilogy
you're going to become a procrastinator
It was seriously about ten seconds from now
I'm you five minutes from now
making a two hundred million dollar summer blockbuster of Shia LaBeouf being facereamed by Grimlock
I was just about to write that
Shia LaBeouf's one hundred and fifteenth Ream
Shia LaBeouf's Ream
Tiny Tapas Tiger
Supermassive Nourishment Elephant
there's a little bluff on the savannah of Zimbabwe where the antelope gather in great herds, every rainy season Giant Food Lion stalks and kills the oldest, slowest, weakest members of the herd and freezes the old, slow, weak flavor right to you
a giant sand fool
Giant Food Aslan
Giant Food Voltron
getting Ahold by Giant Food Lion
Actor Shia LaBeouf suffers ream injury on film set
Giant Food Lion
European owners of Giant, Food Lion plan to combine
Actor Shia LaBeouf suffers head injury on film set Ream
Actor Shia LaBeouf suffers head injury on film set
Ream
wondering how many DP Rem Sins they've made so far
Zach Cera, sera
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the top in the new DP Ream Sin
stealing that Zach's braff from the communal laundry room
stealing that girl's ob la di, ob la da, life goes on bra from the communal laundry room
central nervous system lymphatic vessels
we beg, steal or borrow to make all we can in the sun
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new DP Ream Sin
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Denis Pram
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Spine Dram
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Mr Penis Ad
the new interpretation of Venom is a quirky, outwardly naive but internally judgemental and wordly wise neet who spends his time wandering from one subcomedic set piece to the next, all in extreme close up
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Derma Pins
Zach Braff as Venom
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Mad Sniper
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Snared Imp
Spider Man berating a monarchy
momentarily believing Michael Cera had been cast as the new Spider Man
berating a monarchy
beating a monarchy
eating a monarchy
being a monarchy
there will be a new King George someday, after all
wondering if President Trump would be just the wake up call we need to dump this whole silly democracy thing and go back to being a monarchy
orange buisness
one bit into an apple, thought it was too sweet
crocodooladoo is good family name
phat gay omens
creepy borderline pedophelic behavior but I do love pictures of wondering if, when his presidential bid falls flat again, Donald Trump will join the cast of the Simpsons to replace Mr Burns
creepy borderline pedophelic behavior but I do love pictures of
wondering if, when his presidential bid falls flat again, Donald Trump will join the cast of the Simpsons to replace Mr Burns
I feel so dirty for reading that shithole of mysogony, racism and creepy borderline pedophelic behavior but I do love pictures of cats getting their heads stuck in jars
Donald Trump says African American youths have 'no homo'
Commons officials told broadcasters not to film the protest, which continued outside in Westminster's central lobby
Donald Trump says African American youths have 'no spirit'
Ryan and Dan Kowarsky later admitted the song was about oral sex
A frustrated shoemaker finds a magical sewing machine that allows him to see the world in a new way by stepping into the lives of his customers
you've really got a nerve and all you wanna do is flirt
I've lost track of all time 'cause you're always on my mind
this is too much for me to handle
Kento The Fountainhead Intimate Douche
Atlas Scrubbed
Kento Atlas Shrugged Exfoliating Scrub
Kento's ill fated attempt to introduce a line of objectivism themed body care products
Kento Anthem Soap
Kento's meat pan ho
Kento's a phat omen
Kento's a tampon, eh
Kento's haptonema
IafdLeaks
being taught not to go off with strangers by Dick Van Patten
Skinny Jeans Can Lead to Nerve and Muscle Damage, Doctors Say
The United States wiretapped France's current president Francois Hollande, as well as former presidents Jacques Chirac and Nicolas Sarkozy, according to WikiLeaks
the death of James Horner
reddit being the biggest shithole humanity has ever created
the death of Darth Van Patten
the death of Dick Van Patten
having ELEVEN minute mammaries
writing eukaryotic fiction
having ten minute mammaries
those really fat, gay Asian rice noodles
having a ten minute memory
buona sera, signorina, buona sera
interpreting the next regret as a review of a porno
pot au feu
standing and staring for quite a while, then a lion singing to you and smiling
pho
those really wide, flat Vietnamese rice noodles
after this is done you'll be a better person, meaning me, not you, you'll be essentially unchanged
one down, six to go
noodles with kimchee could be called kimchee noodles
feeling iffy from sodium
not being sure if kimchee noodles is a contradiction in terms
tests have consistently shown lead in Maggi noodles to be within safe limits
being briefly into kimchee noodles until you realised how much sodium you were getting from them
Masturbating Dog Magoo
this is what the regret index is for
eating a kimchee rice bowl for dinner and finally understanding that regret about puking in bed
all the difficult framing and editing decisions Zach Braff must have made about when to momentarily not show his vast, expressionless face in close up for just a second
douche montages
he's explaining that he's putting an ellipsis at the end of their relationship, and she hasn't just started laughing and walking away
thinking maybe the final denouement might have more impact if they spent any time at all really fluffing the father's genitals
the timing of that one wasn't as I intended, but it works too
interpreting that last regret as a review of a porno
now he's making out with his father
thinking maybe the final denouement might have more impact if they spent any time at all really developing the father's character
it may literally be twenty minutes of making out
I've never really found black chicks to be attractive
Sack Rash
Zach Braff and Michael Cera making out
if they just spend the next twenty minutes making out I'm going to die
bottoming for Sack Braff in Back Garden State VII
Pokemon Zach Braff and Michael Cera
remaking Planes, Trains & Automobiles with Zach Braff and Michael Cera
remaking FaceOff with Michael Cera and Zach Braff
wondering how much a film in which Michael Cera and Zach Braff just stand in a room facing each other with their creepy, unchanging expressions for ninety minutes would gross
the entire state is one vast Olive Garden
it's also literally called Olive Garden State
in fatworld Zach Braff finds it even easier to fill the screen with braffing
wondering how different Garden State is in fatworld
Zachary Israel Braff
going to look up Zach Braff on wikipedia but typing "iafd" instead of "wiki" after his name
Zachor Braffcaster O'Dirge
someone stole my Wolf Blitzer
Braff braffing
it really is unnerving just how many shots are close ups of Zach Braff braffing
Garden State II Colon Braff Harder
the clapper joke was good
not regrettting liveregrettting Garden Stattte
ttt
liveregrettting Garden State
having never seen Gander Teats
Swan Garden
Olive Swan
she's really carrying Braff through this funeral shit
Olive Gander
Tantra's The Edge
Tantra's Edge is the worst Sting movie ever made, but the UTwo cameo is worth it
bottoming for Sting for twelve hours straight in Tantra's Edge VII
starting to think that Sam's house and Garden State in general are part of some cultural touchstone you just kind of missed, but the house in particular totally explaining your little brother and his girlfriend's living arrangements
having never seen Tantra's Edge
having never seen Garden State
pure braff
thirty five minutes in and it's manic pixie dream girl time
that in response to ninefivefourthreetwo, either she's shining like the lamb of god next to thirty minutes of pure braff, or she was fine and something happened, something terrible, probably late twenty ought five sometime
One episode contained the white Popple, Puffball, showing the viewers what's inside her pouch
Salary Owl turned down the role of Rome due to the cola pain offered
Al Pacino turned down the role of Rome due to the low salary offered
the MGs
Booker
Sheldon
that baby totally puking through a plane crash at the start of Olive Garden State
intrusive musical montages
finding it really hard to believe people kept recommending this to you for so many years
John C McGinley would be cracking wise
the janitor would have showed up and put him down
if this was Scrubs it'd be half over by now
fifteen minutes of Zach Braff braffing into the camera
having flashbacks to a movie you've never even seen
comedy funeral
funeral comedy
wondering if 'braff' refers to the permanent expression of Zach Braff's face
that baby totally sleeping through a plane crash at the start of Garden State
My dress was bought for $twentythreethousand by someone involved with the production who was buried in it
Bowman and actor Rob Lowe then sang a reworked version of Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Proud Mary", with lyrics rewritten to refer to the film industry
vegan soy horse
making soy horse from Chris Hoy's sauce
making soy sauce from Chris Hoy's horse
sexy space raptor billionaire
breeding dingeroos and kangos
Olive Oyl bottoming for Carlos Danger in Olive Danger VII
drawing a picture of Popeye going down on Olive Oyle at Olive Garden
One Vile Drag
Twelve Inch Lego Invader
Eel and Vigor
Lego Invader, the new sex toy from the makers of Lego
Evil Dragon E
Lego Invader
No Aged Liver
Delve a Groin
Veiled Groan
Vernal Dogie
Angler Video
Idol Avenger
Revile Gonad
Olive Danger
Olive Garden
Child shit in face by godlier anus slit as she meets the Queen
Child shit in face by a soldiering slut as she queefs the meat
Child shit in face by a soldiering slut as she meets the Queen
Child shit in face by saluting soldier as she meets the Queen
Child hit in face by saluting soldier as she meets the Queen
French students unable to 'copulate' with tricky question
The food company Heinz has apologised after a QR code on a bottle of tomato ketchup directed people to a pornography website
French students unable to 'cope' with tricky question
Bizarre, Striated Earthworm Jim
oversextants
sextants
Beaver Dam Common Council approved an amendment to the municipal code that redefines a service animal as a dog or miniature horse and not a kangaroo
Tittygram, a new Russian startup website that markets itself as "Uber for boobs," allows anyone to send a photo with a message written on a young woman's breasts
objcetivism
wanting to create a stable of objcetivist professional wrestlers called the Ayn Rand Corporation
The Human Scolipede
The Human Weedle
drawing a picture of Ash sneaking off to deep throat a Weedle
bugs are your only food and it puts you in the dumpster behind Olive Garden
duly noted
bugs are your only food and it puts you in a noted orgasm
bugs are your only food and it puts you in a strange mood
getting bareback from Olive Garden in the dumpster behind Olive Garden
Olive Garden wants you bareback
Olive Garden wants your ass, back
Olive Garden wants your ass back
Olive Garden wants its sweat back
Olive Garden wants its sweater back
it was still better than Olive Garden
eating a leaky and malaria riddle puddle of shit stink decay
being a shake down piece of shit doosh phace
being a leaky and malaria riddle puddle of shit stink decay
being a heretic washed up piglet shame pile'
Lepenism, it sounds dirtier than it really is
kicking George Washington in his wooden nuts
Lepenism
me mom have unconventional tastes
tamp ass mop
tobmaps to spambot
maps to spam
steaming that girl's bra in the communal laundry room
Modern Humans and Escaped Prisoners 'Interbred at Burglarized Cabin'
DNA From Escaped Prisoners Found at Burglarized Cabin
we remember all who have served hot breakfast
having seven movies to watch and being afeared
bottoming for Trevor the Vampire in Vampires Su
having unconventional tusks
drawing a picture of a pirate crew asking Shrek if all he usually does is cruise around all day on his luxury yacht covered in busty, hardly dressed donkeys
me Grimlock have unconventional tastes
hearing that Grimlock likes to be restrained in dinosaur mode and face fucked by anonymous Junkions
Christ dunked for our dyin' donuts
asking a modern, adult Transformers fan why alien robots would have genders at all, much less instantly recognisable ones comparable to humans
The Human Pinniped
let's just say that the rumors about Grimlock are true
The Human Millipede
Starscream is billed but does not appear due to being in Vegas escorting the day of the shoot
guessing that Soundwave did the recording
Christ died for our Dunkin' Donuts
Transformers Sex Tape
Pirates Knocked Up Shrek
Father Of My Children The Human Centipede Crispin Glover
Vampires Suck Other Guys
The Marine VI Colon A Few Good Elves
Spy Kids Blow Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles
WAH WAH WAH WAH wondering
wondering why why why
The Marine V Colon Deck The Halls With Boughs of Death
Erin Brockovich Screwed My Dog Skip
Semper Jingle
Jingling All The Marines
wondering when WWE Studios will produce a crossover of its two biggest franchises
trying jingling, that's a good trick
jingling all the way from behind
Civic Honor Kerb
Erin Brockovich
being a jingler, like your father before you
jingling all the way back
a beautiful whistleblower with secrets that would expose a corrupt military defense contractor
bottoming for Mike "The Miz" Mizanin in The Marine IV Colon Moving Target
wondering why why
where could they possibly jingle
where could they possibly go
wondering why, if they've already jingled ALL the way, why a sequel is necessary
that in another life Jake Lloyd could have played the same character in Jingle All The Way II and simply repeated the plot of the first movie, but instead he spends his time playing Kingdoms of Amalur Colon Reckoning and getting dumb messages on Steam
shearing sheep
wondering who will play Jake Lloyd's character in the Jingle All The Way prequel trilogy
Modern humans and Walruses 'interbred in Europe'
Modern humans and Neanderthals 'interbred in Europe'
An Argument That the Ideal Jerk Must Remain Ignorant of His Jerkitude
Jingle All The Way II Colon Jam Those Bells Right Up There
WWE Studios is looking forward to continuing its long standing relationship with Twentieth Century Fox with both THE MARINE IV and JINGLE ALL THE WAY II
referring to Ladyhawke's score on "rotten tomatoes"
Pokemon Trinidad and Tobago
referring to your ladyparts as "Trinidad and Tobago"
stream piracy
referring to your ladyparts as a "rotten tomato"
bottoming for High Speed Chase in Stinging All The Way VII
being slain by a vaginal acid jelly
menstruation when the pH is up
vaginal acid jelly that can be used three times a week right after menstruation when the pH is up
Warner's Safe Yeast
Report colon 'Jingle All The Way' actor Jake Lloyd arrested after high speed chase
Marie McDonald McLaughlin Lawrie
Mary Isobel Catherine Bernadette O'Brien
Lloyd was heard to remark "Now THIS is podracing!"
Report colon 'Phantom Menace' actor Jake Lloyd arrested after high speed chase
Busty Diaper is the highest rated boob poo fetish star in the world
Busty Diaper, Jedi Knight
Dusty Viper, Jedi Knight
Dusty Viper, the thrash metal Dusty Springfield tribute band
braiding very stupid
being dusty viper
if you insist
eating very stupid
being very stupid
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Ted McGinley and a babirusa
passing up the opportunity to spend time with someone who seemed unreasonably interested in you because you couldn't tell how old they were even though you're like eighteen months older, and still rueing the decision almost ten years later
not knowing any of the history of the 'dex and being more surprised than ever before to find it still here every day, ready to receive our nonsensical and frankly actionable input
wondering if James Earl Jones takes Republic Dataries
wondering if people threw bread at Steve Harwell beacuse they mistook him for Guy Fieri
wondering how many people are mailing loaves of bread to Steve Harwell
wondering how many people have been able to get Steve Harwell to record their answerphone message, only to change it back to the default the next day
wondering if Rachel Stevens takes kroner
wondering how much it would cost to spoon Jewel's boobs, provided they were poo free
doubting he could afford it
obviously a James Earl Jones or even a Rachel Stevens lapdance would be prohibitively expensive, but Smash Mouth seem affordable
wondering how much it would cost Steve Harwell to record the line "have mercy!" for your answering machine
wondering how much it would cost to have Smash Mouth perform a lap dance on you
wondering how much it would cost to have James Earl Jones record the line "now THIS is podracing!"
As surely as I hate sand, I have you now
wondering why George Lucas didn't alter Vader's dialogue during the trench run scene from "I have you now" to "Now THIS is podracing!"
dribbling glibly in a risible dirigible
RIGID DIRIGIBLE ATTACK
your father designed a lousy twin ion engine fighter
your father designed a lousy engine
a little girl appears in the masion, the Marquis fathered her with his sister and they murdered her for to occult their incestuous relationship
Blazing Stewardesses
by Grigg's own admission, he continued to expend the very funds that were at issue
BLACK TIT AMP
Ronald Grigg, an attorney and former president of Jon Peters Entertainment, filed suit for defamation in Los Angeles Superior Court over a December twenty foruth two thousand eight report entitled "Famous Producer Alleges Fraud, Theft, Date Rape"
you can't take those animals they're wards of court now
BLIMP ATTACK
I'll take animals Kento has had sex with for one thousand, Alex
going Full Yehezkia
animals Kento has had sex with
so, to answer your question, Suzi Finer is a dried up old craftsmaker with a gaping vagina who gets fucked by lots of people, in either the literal or figurative sense of the word, then comes to anonymous forums and bitches about it
it would make it easier to keep track of which celebrities and animals Kento has had sex with
this is why we need a regret wiki, so that all of this information is readily available
the Arthur Yehezkia regret had more of the same kind of comments, so either Suzi came back or someone was doing a really good impersonation of her
a few months later, Suzi came back and started writing regrets about trusting sleazy lawyer Ronald Grigg, spamming the same emo comments and going so far as to make some incredibly libelous claims about him
it's no wonder he's so worried about being sued in England
Ms Allarde Johnson complained to Ryan, and got a bunch of comments and regrets deleted
eventually Lisa Allarde Johnson found the site herself, probably because she googles her name every morning, and they got into a big comment war, with the regulars fanning the flames by posing as each of them
despite the fact that nobody here had any clue who the hell Lisa Allarde Johnson was, Suzi continued writing more angsty emo regrets about her which is weird since they were both in their fifties, at least
rusting Lisa Androide Johnson
Suzi Finer is an etsy seller who, upon being betrayed by Lisa Allarde Johnson, came to the old regret index and wrote the regret "trusting Lisa Allarde Johnson", after which she promptly spammed it with hundred of weird, quasi poetic comments
still having no fucking clue who Suzi Finer is
Pokemon Semen and Emus
he banged Suzi Finer, probably
amusing yourself with semen and emus
still having no fucking clue who Arthur Yehezkia is
Pokemon Terror and Murder
wondering how many dirty jokes that whales tell end in "it was just a fluke"
amusing yourself with terror and murder
Kento's flukes
High, higher than the sun, You shoot me from a gun, I need you to elevate me here, At the corner of your tooth, As the orbit of your flukes, Eclipse, you elevate my blowhole
needing an erect ova oil
needing a coolie tavern
needing a violet cornea
needing orca elevation
telling Queequeg 'tu quoque'
Obama Coffee
needing a love reaction
Donkey sauce fish with pickle cabbage
BJ sauce fish with pickle cabbage
BJ Pickle Cabbage Puss
BJ Pickle Cabbage Fish
you could call them Whitey Wackers
Kitty Cockburn
Ten Cent Beer Night
Bruce Cockburn
your vegan squid starter, made by vegan squid
try sending them back to PETAHQ to get a replacement
that your vegan squid starter was great but it's taking them forever to make a risotto
that it smells like your neighbor is cooking steak now, and even though you already had lunch it is making you really hungry
that actually sounds kind of good now
getting a Number One Special including a Double Western BBQ 'n' Bacon Steakburger and fries with a Nutella milkshake in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
getting an email promising a Number One Special for a low, low price
getting an email promising a Patrick Stewart Special for a low, low price, Number One
getting an email promising a Patrick Troughton Special for a low, low price
stopping the 'dex, I want to get off
bottoming for Dick Nipples in Boob Pooey Bras VII
shitting dick nipples
stealing that girl's boob pooey bra from the roomy laundry commode
stealing that girl's boob pooey bra from the communal laundry room
boob poo
boiling Jewel's boob poo in John Peel's pool
teal hexxorz
taking a poo in John Peel's pool
pwning Jewel's noobz
the song begins with an impatient crowd waiting for Hammer to perform, while Hammer has a lengthy conversation with James Brown, who calls Hammer "Godson" and enlists him to get the glove of Michael Jackson
leet haxxorz
me mum's died of dysentery
You Mum's Alive!
hip hop hippo poop
Mummies Alive, Cheerio!
now to get me some caveman hookers
Momias viventes!
Mummies Alive!
Our vision is to overcome people's preconceptions and create a world where human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, and mass hysteria are an enjoyable, everyday reality
insulting Turkish delight, on a moonlit night
a stadium's much too big for flash pictures to work, but nobody seems to care
I was ready to braid
aww
I will not do that thing with Myke Hawke
I will not do that thing with my tongue
hand in hand is the only way to land
wanting to make Kento a pimento for his birthday
Our vision is to overcome people's preconceptions and create a world where up is down right is wrong and nothing matters at all any more
Our vision is to overcome people's preconceptions and create a world where edible insect foods are an enjoyable, everyday reality
putting pimento in Kento's bento
The Major and the Minor
Kento's bento
edible versions of Elephant, Giraffe, Cotton Top Tamarin, and Hippo poop
minus the taste of despair it's fine
wasted ingredients
dairy free, soya free, gluten free, lactose free, no added sugar, raw chocolate coconut milk yoghurt
I ain't getting any younger but you wouldn't know
Mila Kunis's Underrated Huge Black Dong Organ
Quarren Flakes
Ric Olie Krispies
Wattobix
Akbar Jacks
Special J
Raisin Lando
Honey Nut Fist O's
Star Wars chocolate cereal, the saga continues
drawing a picture of Kento being grandfathered into forgotten realms
Grandfather Walrus shamans can call upon tusks of strength or convey this ability to another worshiper of Grandfather Walrus once a day for one turn
that you can still Google actual pictures of Miley Cyrus
that between whenever it was that you were looking up goldilocks on iafd and today, your network decided that it was porn and blocked it
Michael Jackson's Revenge
that if you say "pogue mahone" ten times while pounding a bottle of Irish whiskey, Shane MacGowan will appear and bite off your nipples
drinking the water in Chicago and getting Michael Jordan's revenge
titmouse
Michael Jordan's Revenge
The Nipple Erectors
Tonight on "Rock Bottom", we go undercover at a sex farm for sex hookers
every picture of Shane McGowan looking like a creepypasta illustration
drawing a picture of Shane McGowan dragging a lawnmower over Kento's thighs
Underrated Groan
IAFD says no
the boys from the NYPD choir were Eiffel Towering Kento with the contents of the Bronx zoo, and their balls were spilling out on Kento's face
actually wondering if there was a Black Swan XXX parody called Black Dong
Mila Kunis's Huge Black Dong
Underrated Organ
ant bites
telling Mila Kunis you like her nice
drawing a picture of Joey and Chandler getting the chariot from Mila Kunis
Huge Black Dong Colon The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Underrated Organ
STROKEMON used CAN YOU SMELL TOAST! It was VERY DISTRESSING!
drawing a picture of Joey and Chandler getting the chariot from Black Shuck
Young White Boy With Small Duck Fucked Hard By A Huge Black Dog
Young White Boy With Small Dick Fucked Hard By A Huge Black Dong
Strokemon
Gut! Ahhhh ahhhh! The most underrated organ of the body!
Gut Colon The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Underrated Organ aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
every time, just like the last
Gut Colon The Inside Story of Our Body's Most Underrated Organ
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
special random N
special random P
special random K
I have nudding else
if sand is in me, then I am in sand
if God is in me, then I am in God
French Press Matilda
Khaan
random K
K#it
google just keeps giving me "Young White Boy With Small Dick Fucked Hard By A Huge Black Dong" as the top result, so I'm going to have to assume you've been dickfucked six ways from Sunday and are bragging about it, or possibly really regretting ir
not being sure you ever saw an episode of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air after Janet Hubert left, because you don't remember her being replaced
getting dickfucked six ways from Sunday
shitting under the raping tree with anyone else but me
and then there's Matilda
Matilda Flanders
Empress Maude
Empress Matilda
still feeling a sense of guilt about your adolescent sexual experiences with younger teenagers, even though nobody ever complained, you're all over thirty now, and probably everybody who ever noticed puberty did similar things
Roman Polanski calls it the feel good picture of the year
it really does make you feel like you're inside this eleven year old girl
stealing that girl's bra from the communal rape tree
sitting under the raping tree with anyone else but me
tying a yellow rope around the old rape tree
seeing the rape tree I planted would give me some memories
seeing the pear tree I planted would give me some memories
When US Attorney Dwayne Keyes recommended severe punishment because she was "full of hate and violence," Fromme threw an apple at him, hitting him in the face and knocking off his glasses
no name Maddox
Muno
It's also possible that the former WWF superstar, bodybuilder, and porn star Chyna would probably have killed Weird Al
While reports originally indicated that one man lost an eye, the victim recently came forward to indicate that he had already been blind at the time of the attack and has forgiven Wahlberg
There will never be a reunion, as I will never do anything with an asshole like Will Smith
sending the horniest swan Mr Cold Camel porn
sending Scatman Crothers Howie Mandell porn
Butt connectors
personating hymen
Comedian Tommy Chong colon 'I have to use more marijuana' to treat rectal cancer
the miracle of antibiotics
Myke Hawke made ttongsul once and stopped making it
My father made ttongsul once and stopped making it
My father made jenkem once and stopped making it
My father made some of this once and stopped making it
Garlic wine has many uses in cooking and is a great wine to make and present to friends as gifts
garlic yeast confections
vaginal yeast infections
gastric yeast infections
waffletastic dot cum
hagelslag
$tenK donation nets hockey fan chance to use Taser on mayor
the dot quantzcom bubble
that over the past several hours, you have made about half a dozen visits to dot quantzcom slash regret
slaw regret, the subregret site for people who got a side they didn't want
that over the past several hours, you have made about half a dozen visits to quan dot tzcom slash regret
This domain is registered and protected by MarkMonitor
zcom
that over the past several days, you have made about half a dozen visits to qwant dot zcom slash regret
I'm a mean drunk
I'm going to get you drunk
what you're going to do with all that junk
giving varying stimulation
But if one jiggles one's arm up and down, giving varying stimulation, one will continue to feel the paper
Troxler's fading
Goddamn you for a blackguard, scrub, rascal!
likeing Steve from Minecraft in a sexual way
likeing Herobrine and Steve yaoi
Likeing Herobrine in a sexual way
the sand really does get everywhere
anal dromedaries
ethical dromedaries
moral quandaries
wondering if food still counts as vegan if animals literally throw themselves into it, or if you have to throw out the food
a moth cumming out of nowhere to land in your coffee
a moth coming out of nowhere to land in your coffee
wondering if rachel from the regret index is Sylvia Browne
the amazing Regret Index expansion pack, Warlords of Draien Cleaonar
wondering if the rachel from the regret index is Jewel
I doubt it
wondering if the rachel from the regret index is Rachel Stevens
cookiephilia
When he wakes up, he finds that when he stretches, plants shoot from his arse
When he wakes up, he finds that when he stretches, plants shoot from his arms
Every time they put their hands together in a circle and said the words "United we stand, divided we fall", a bolt of lightning would spread throughout their arms & while it happened, the lightning hurt them
Pygophilia Stevensis
wondering if your own attractions to voices and shapely superior trapeziuses count as paraphilia
Pygophilia
stepping on a hapax legomenon
she's got legophilia, she's caused significant psychosocial distress by it
Legophilia
Dahmer himself was to later inform police he had felt "rotten" about Smith's murder as he had been unable to retain any parts of his body
clowns can get away with murder
a painting depicting cartoon characters resembling Disney's Seven Dwarfs playing baseball against the Chicago Cubs
draien cleaonar
draiend
that's probably why he felt draiend
In an interview after his arrest, Gacy stated that immediately after killing McCoy, he felt "totally drained", yet noted that he had experienced an orgasm as he killed the youth
step by step, and day by day
adorable creatures
bad, bad, Sylvia Browne, the sweatiest shitter in the whole damn town
bottoming for Sylvia Browne in Sweaty Shitters VII
when everybody had those sweat bagged color shitters in the nineties
when everybody had those bag colored sweaty shitters in the nineties
Kento's Permian epoch
there were another forty five minutes of it
she is a honey limbed lovely
there can't possibly be another forty five minutes of this
there's even a book about it
you never outgrow poo
they just namechecked Roman Polanski
Fist Full of Vixens
genuinely not knowing if this is going to turn dark
when everybody had those shit colored baggy sweaters in the nineties
HE'S LITERALLY WATCHING THE LITTLE GIRL FROM THE WINDOW
wondering if Rosie O'Donnell is some kind of stone tape
Rosie O'Donnell acting, with her mouth and hands
whenever Michael Rapaport is not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "where's Michael Rapaport"
I got free apps
we got apps
all these people do is yell "hey" at each other from a couple of feet away
Michael Rapaport is killing it
Jan's a vegetarian, he's a meat cutter, what kind of life can she have with a man who stinks of brisket
instantly he asks about the neighbor kid
instant sympathy for the old man
being pretty sure it's implied even if it isn't shown
not remembering if the protagonist is a pedophile
overripe banana taste
this guy he cuts meat
apparently the music plays between every scene
it's that guy who's not a young Bruce Campbell
already not caring about the protagonist and the opening musical montage not having ended
Uma Thurman telling Chris Hemsworth that he's her Thor man
watching Beautiful Girls for the first time in probably twelve years or more, and also the first time sober, and also the second time ever
A masturbate a day keeps the haters away
this Smash Mouth cover band sounds almost exactly like Smash Mouth
Smash Mouth, Coolio, Lisa Loeb, Naughty By Nature to Headline Inaugural NinetiesFest in Brooklyn, I'm walkin' here
Marion Mitchell Robert Morrison Gacy Geldof
Asshole Fountains of John Wayne Gacy
Fountains of John Wayne Gacy
wondering if John Wayne Gacy ever had internet access, and whether he used it to download bitmaps of Adolf Hitler's paintings to print out as black and white dot matrix prints and draw creepy clowns on
it would be like someone selling black and white printouts of John Wayne Gacy's clown paintings
just now realizing that the very concept of a Smash Mouth cover band is the saddest thing
thinking you had booked Smash Mouth for a private gig but then Smash Mouth turned up and smashed in your mouth and privates
starting a Smash Mouth cover band called Face Fuck
haven't done it yet sad face
smashing Rachel Stevens's mouth and privates
bottoming for Twelve Inch Jar Jar Binks in Privates Massage VII
that your phone doesn't know any swears but it suggests 'massage' after 'privates'
that your phone doesn't know any swears but it suggests 'massage' after 'private'
thinking you had booked Rachel Stevens for a private gig but then Smash Mouth turned up
thinking you had booked Steve Carell for a private gig but then Smash Mouth turned up
topping for Steve Harwell in Takin' the Back Streets VII
wondering how often Smash Mouth find themselves eating from a buffet on a budget cruise, annually
might as well be drinkin' down the cum
getting a lick job from Madonna in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
he doesn't own enough private land subsidised by the EU
he was lookin' kind of dumb when he was guzzling down cum then took a big load on his forehead
wondering why Steve Harvell isn't a bigger gay icon
Bitch Welcome To My Scottish Estate I Hope You Enjoy Grouse Shooting
Bitch I Would Be Sharing a Dressing Room With Smash Mouth If Not For the Gays Keeping My Career Alive a Quarter Century Past Its Natural Expiration Date
Bitch I'm Fallen Mit Ze Big Boobies
Professor Halfchinease
Bitch I'm Madonna
Professor Longhair
graduating summa cum laude from assclown college
Shrek Harwell
he probably gets a dollar every time someone says "Shrek"
briefly being concerned about Steve Harwell suing us, but then thinking where the hell is he going to get the money to fly to England, let alone hire a lawyer
Usually used in connection with American Football, "to play smashmouth football" allegedly coined by Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka, da Bears
no talent assclowns and disney soundtrack fodder
Preop transexuals only, please!
Steve Harwell's ovaphobic nature
FOUR Steak n Shake Jalapeno Crunch Steakburgers, three of which are to be consumed directly by Mr Harwell, and the remaining is to be wrapped around Mr Harwell's penis and consumed by a TRANSEXUAL PROSTITUTE, provided by the venue
buying multiple copies of the book "To Smash in the Mouth or Not to Smash in the Mouth" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
to smash in the mouth
ONE drunk audience member bracket MALE close bracket MUST be available after the show in the dressing room for SMASH MOUTH to smash in the mouth
meeting Mike Love
being seriously disappointed that Smash Mouth doesn't appear on the Smoking Gun's concert rider page
Pokemon Smash Mouth can be booked for private events and Smash Mouth can be booked for corporate events
We go over the rider for Smash Mouth and work directly with Smash Mouth or the responsible agent for Smash Mouth to secure the talent for your event
Unlike most middle agents that would mark up the performance or appearance fee for Smash Mouth, we act as YOUR agent in securing Smash Mouth at the best possible price
Smash Mouth can be booked for private events and Smash Mouth can be booked for corporate events and meetings through this Smash Mouth booking page
spooning Jewel's sugar puppies
sugar puppies
Freya is one of a growing number of debt ridden fertility goddesses in the Northlands who have decided to become "sugar babies"
Freya is one of a growing number of debt ridden university students in the UK who have decided to become "sugar babies"
Bartle Frere
drawing a picture of Harper Lee complaining to the Grundy County Fair Chili Dog Eating Contest management that Sisqo clogged up the toilet in their shared dressing trailer
right next to Harper Lee
wondering if Smash Mouth and the Rembrandts find themselves sharing dressing rooms at regional civic festivals a lot
hey now, you're an all star, based on one song, it's all you ever, plaaay
hey now, you're an all star, you don't have to put up with shit on the staaaage
I second that emotion
a taste of foco is worse than none at all
Smash mouth singer goes insane at Taste of Foco
Gladhand connectors
telling that girl in summer who insisted that you "to be or not to be" to show you the remains of her vagina
leaving the remains of that totally awesome chocolate bra you stole earlier in the bathroom at church in the summer
slamming the remains of your totally awesome dick in the car door in the summer
how many movies there are about two men and a walrus doing stuff
how many movies there are about three men doing stuff
being so tired you read the headline as "Sexy offences against children rise" and not what it actually was
I always get those two mixed up
work schedules
wondering why you have unconventional desires
bottoming for Chevy Chase, Martin Short, and Steve Martin in The Three Men in Go's Ass
scromiting
the homeopath can't stop screaming and throwing up
the chemist suggests a liberal application of sodium hydroxide and an open window
the biologist suggests leaving the dump to mellow in the blocked toilet until bacterial action breaks down the structure and it can be fragmented by simple flushing
the physicist thinks the best way to unblock the toilet is to use the brush or another physical object to push, pull or macerate the obstruction until the flush is clear
a physicist, a biologist, a chemist, and a homeopath are taking part in a panel discussion, and a member of the audience asks what's the best way to deal with a huge dump blocking the toilet up
bottoming for Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, and Ted Danson in Three Men in a Baby
bottoming for Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, and Josh Brolin in Three Men in Back
you gotta fake my death, I can't listen to sitar music any more
Facts you Should Know for Defloration on Bridal Night
AILMENTS PECULIAR TO WOMEN
Those who look at our bodily dwelling can gain a very good idea of what we are
Indian city offers money for using public toilets
in one text
Fifty Spellings of Gary
Fifty Shades of Garey
Fifty Shades of Gary
lending your bees to a dishonest Middleton
often getting emails simply titled 'SEAS'
often getting emails simply titled 'Bees'
asking Sony Pictures to show you pictures
Bees contribute more to British economy than Royal Family
reading a review of your laptop of which the gist is "tiny doubt"
reading a review of your laptop of which the gist is "in d butt, yo"
Jessica Alba posed for her Fantastic Four Colon Rise of the Silver Surfer Promotional Photos
not finding a single mention of whether the men in fatworld are likewise grotesquely obese
imagining people in fatworld are constantly eating, Homer Simpson style
it's one of few thin things in fatworld
imagining that there's a thin sheen of sweat on most things in fatworld
The Israeli government is under no obligation to fund cultural projects that defame the country, the nation's hardline new culture minister declared this week
reading a review of your laptop of which the gist is "don't buy it"
seeing how Myke Hawke perks up at the mention of fatworld
Myke Hawke does like it dry
you should make him wear a hat
raindrops keep fallin' on Myke Hawke
burning your neighbor's cookies
melting your neighbor's panties
melting your pretty neighbour
meeting your pretty neighbour
going to Ikea with Go Ikeda
Ayn Rand's dysentry
Montezuma's revenge
Ayn Rand's revenge
"Five Irish guys walk out onto a balcony in California" sounding like the beginning of a racist joke
handprints last for so long even after you're gone
Five Irish believed dead after balcony collapse in California
dreams last for so long even after you're gone
ALCOCK used HARDEN! Misty fainted!
Pokemon Alcock and Brown, Texture Like Sun
Pokemon Psy and Skrillex
Pokemon Self Defense and Killing Machine
Pokemon Cannibal and Ghost
Pokemon Alcock and Brown
Gander, Newfoundland and Labrador
Pokemon Mizzen and Spanker
Was Adam Lanza drugged and hypnotised by his handlers to make him into a killing machine as an excuse as the regime is itching to take all means of self defense from the populace before the economic collapse
that even though the rats have eaten nothing but their own diseased ridden comrades for over a year, they're still going to be disappointed the first time they eat British food
she lost her mizzen and spanker in a storm
The cannibal rat ghost ship is certainly not alone
Man captures photo of horse riding a bicycle
Man captures photo of raccoon riding an alligator
Richard Gere has an entire colony of Gobi jerboas living in his sigmoid colon
Anthony Quinn has five buttholes
You'll Never Believe What Urogenital Irregularities These Seven Celebrities Have!
drawing a picture of Rooney Mara doing squat thrusts then taking the hugest dump out of her anusmouth
when you're Eiffel Towering and you have to stop to take a dump urgently but you don't
when you're exercising and you have to stop to take a dump orally
when you're exercising and you have to stop to take a dump urgently
Female Genital Appreciation
FGA, blown away, what else do I have to say
Chris Lydon is in league with the olgoi khorkhoi
it'll probably terminate with Kento being Trilateral Commissioned by Lyndon Johnson and a sandworm
wondering where we're going with this
SiSi
ISIS has four letters and so does SAND and they both contain an S
the melting point of silicon is higher than the melting point of steel
sand did nine eleven
Mokhtar Belmokhtar, Jedi Knight
the official government line is that he lost his eye in a freak sand related accident, though this is widely viewed as a smokescreen set up to capitalize on rampant antisand sentiment among the Canadian public
wanting to change Mokhtar Belmokhtar's wikipedia page to reflect the SHOCKING truth that he began down the path to Islamic extremism after Kento Ikeda shot him in the eye, but knowing that Thought Policeman Jack Greenmaven would just revert it
shooting Jackson C Frank in the other eye with an Raytheon AGM onesevensix Griffin missile launched from a General Atomics AQ one Predator UAV when you were an adult
Reports Colon Russia, China have files leaked by Snowden
shooting Mokhtar Belmokhtar in the other eye with an Raytheon AGM onesevensix Griffin missile launched from a General Atomics AQ one Predator UAV when you were an adult
shooting Mokhtar Belmokhtar in the eye with a pellet gun when you were a kid
Millennials More Tolerant, Less Promiscuous Than Their Parents
that was what made it the best thing ever
the four truths, by the way, are it's coarse, it's rough, it's irritating, and it gets everywhere
The Thirty Most Hilarious Gifs of Horses Riding Bicycles
Hoser teachers HATE him, eh! Learn this one weird trick to learning Canadian in three weeks
I had another one about Hayden Christensen but I though that one was better
I can't top that, I'm going out
"the best thing ever" wasn't an instruction, but you did it anyway
Four SHOCKING Truths That Will Make You HATE Sand
the best thing ever
country bees ran
Learn Five Weird Little Tricks to Getting a Painless Eiffel Tower
Seven Songs on Youtube That Will Get Stuck in Your Head Forever
Guess How Many Of These People Float Down Here
You'll Never Guess What Currency This Hardboiled Cockney Gumshoe Is Paid In
Fifteen Uses Of The Word "Waffletastic" That Will Baffle You
The Thirty Three Most Spoonable Boobs in the World
Forty Three Tropes About Drinking Champagne Out of Things Whose Origins You Won't Believe
Ten Unbelievable Meetings Brian Peppers Has Had
Seventeen Things Myke Hawke Has Gotten Stuck Inside
regretbait
that Paris and pairs are anagrams of each other
stealing a bucket hat from a local store
Six Seasons Of A Show You've Never Heard Of That Are Entirely Available On YouTube
Courtney Barnes
One Hundred Years Of Solitude You'll Be Amazed By
Twenty One Things That You Wash With
Ninety Dogs With Amazing Facial Hair
Please find attached the latest version of Adobe Flash player and the best thing ever
spambot's cover was blown by Lisa Snowden and Bradley Walsh when they gave all the files to ISIS
wondering if spambot got a new job producing clickbait and that's why he doesn't come around here much
Pokemon the UK and Ireland and Wales and Scotland and England and the surrounding villages and the London Eye of course
Everyone who has watched Star Trek knows Leonard Nimoy for playing Spock in the series
The best deals in the UK and USA Today on the market for you guys and girls, you should know
guessing that clickbait is either constructed from templates by interns, robots with minimal to no human oversight, or wage slaves in a call centre between dealing with banking customers
The Ten Most Shocking Celebrity Animal Pairs Who Have Ever Eiffel Towered a Fat Gay Asian
If you're interested in the UK and Ireland and Wales and Scotland and England and the surrounding villages and the London Eye of course, it is important to remember that your phone is in the Netherlands and the rest
seriously wondering how much one gets paid for those clickbait articles, because I could totally churn that shit out
I have been a great weekend too
the real Steven Tyler is copyrighted and trademarked and has huge license fees
random sentences made from auto suggested strings by your phone dictionary
The only problem with your friends and family to be honest, but the most important thing to remember
wondering why that article didn't include a real photo of Steven Tyler and instead seemed to include a photo of a dummy of Steven Tyler made out of horse leather and marinated in vodka for a month
I was kissing fascists when you punks were in diapers
in your car in the summer
buzzfudge dot com
Sexy Celebs With Hideous Spouses
Betty Ford
Robert Downey Jr has had problems with alcohol, who knew
Eminem's history of struggle with alcoholism hasn't been a secret
Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, Elton John
Hell, Lumbergh fucked her
it was still one of the least humiliating days Kento has had in a long time
Police in Oregon said a homeless man allegedly masturbating in a portable toilet with the door open had to be rescued after witnesses reached their tipping point
I was killing fascists when you punks were in diapers
seeing a clickbait article with the title "Twenty Six Celebrities You Didn't Know Were Alcoholics" and a picture of Ernest Hemingway and wondering, one, since when was Ernest Hemingway a celebrity, and, two, who the hell doesn't know he was an alcoholic
Fifty Shades of Peppers
jizz hands
jazz hands
if you only could, you'd lend your bees to god, and get them back from him later
running up that road, running from those bees, with no problems
lending your bees to a dishonest holidaymaker
A holidaymaker had to be rescued from the bee two days running after drifting away on an airbed off the Kent coast
A holidaymaker had to be rescued from the sea two days running after drifting away on an airbed off the Kento coast
nothing can stop you now
being the duke of earl
wondering if you should branch out into comic sans to liven up the place
A holidaymaker had to be rescued from the sea two days running after drifting away on an airbed off the Kent coast
Shrinky Dinks
the place
wondering if you should branch out into comic songs to liven up the place
a simple creature unlettered
thinking you might watch Star Wars again just to spite yourself
Kangaroo testicle stew in Australia, gott im himmel
Bulls testicle stew in Austria, crikey
losing your wallet and watch at the Testicle Festival
Bulls testicle stew in Austria
kakashere porkolt
Rooster testicle stew in Hungary
Goat testicles at a market in Spain
Raw bovine testicles in an Italian market
Rocky Mountain oysters
ox fruit edict
ox nut edict
Detox Icunt
kidsbody
dogsbody
faygo asians
parfait celebrity
knickerbocker glory
thanks, Obama
apparently it's cheaper outside the US
not realizing that heroin was that cheap
then it's like three thousand times as much rice as heroin for the same money
the very notion that Bob Geldof would spend his fuckin' money on anything but the highest quality illegal drugs
white heroin is purer, and it hates the Jews
that's racist
for white heroin, the weight of rice that could be purchased for the same money is much higher
if Basmati rice has a gram value of one point eight nine pence at twenty fifteen prices and brown heroin has a median street value gram price of thirty seven pounds sterling, by weight one thousand nine hundred and fifty eight times as much rice as heroin
fat gat Asians
there's an old man sitting next to me face fucking his fay gay Asian
seriously wondering how much rice you could buy for Ethiopia with all the money that Bob Geldof and his immediate family members have spent on heroin
Mr Potato Ikeda
Potato Ikeda
rape limos, fresh from the prom
you know those limos out back, they aren't free
The money Britain spent hosting a global summit, headed by William Hague and Angelina Jolie, to end sexual violence in conflicts was five times higher than the entire confirmed budget the UK has dedicated to tackling rape in war zones this year
Acanthosicyos horridus
wondering if the guy who started the fire is the same guy who let the dogs out
asian racks
drawing a picture of Vladimir Putin being Eiffel Towered by Billy Joel and Exapno Mapcase
filling the Turbine Hall with a tide of ideas and narratives of art, activism, climate change and oil, and the smell of patchouli
especially when Billy Joel was there
asian knockers
Moscow is, indeed, gayer than you might think
asian boobies
asian tits
asian traits
A rectomammal was any species having both fat and gay and asian traits
I'll come in again
rectomammal
A reptomammal was any species having both fat and gay and asian traits
Kento lactating anally, I worry
Italy wanting rectal okra only
really wanting tricky anal too
really wanting to try Inca Kola
B U T T S
i imgur com ttmwxcb jpg
this smooth jazz version of 'Creep'
men be all braiding penises at the mall
playing in the Globe Theatre with Charles Edwards as Richard II
Myke Rave, eh
my crave, eh
time be all like zombies at the mall
time be circumcised
have mercy
pump my ass, I'll have to ask
i imgur com vkCPsevenex png
Jenna Jameson Colon No Stranger to Matzah Balls
wondering if Shalom Life has a centerfold, nah nah na na na nah
in order to respect the ancient religion, she is requiring that at least fifty percent of the penises inside of her at any one time be circumcised
oy yeah, oy yeah, schtup me, bubbeleh
Jenna Jameson Colon I'm converting to Judaism
basically he's allowing the students to have sex in a storage room of his classroom
wondering whether other men actually do braid their penisrs
penisrs bsns
wondering whether other men actually do name their penisrs
citation not found
And then, there was this guy who, made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner, and when he finally came to, he found that Mr Happy was missing
RUTHERFORDIUM enemas
being surprised that there is no "Downton Girl" parody, but guessing it's possible Weird Al already did one
uptown girl, she's never heard of pegging in her white bread world, I'm not sure this thing can last, I like relationships that pump my ass, I'll have to ask
there's a young boy sitting next to me making love to his Pokemon Gloom
Kentaro Ikeda
Actor John Stamos arrested in Beverly Hills
radium enemas
Pokemon Jack and Diane
there's an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin
that, despite the presence of Christie Brinkley, the video for Uptown Girl is one of the gayest things ever put to film
downtown London is going to be invaded by uptown girls tomorrow
downtown London is going to be invaded by sticky candles tomorrow
downtown London is going to be invaded by cad Nick Styles tomorrow
downtown London is going to be invaded by naked cyclists tomorrow, price of nude thong thong fluid skyrockets three hundred and fifty percent
the bellybutton challenge
downtown London is going to be invaded by naked cyclists tomorrow
I would watch Sting vs Predator
Sting vs Predator
Predator Sting prefers to move through fields of barley when it has a west wind covering it
Predator Sting
Muslim Youth Leader Ahmed Saleem Arrested In Child Sex Predator Andy Summers
Muslim Youth Leader Ahmed Saleem Arrested In Child Sex Predator Sting
Rachel Dolezal
much of the fanart available on the regret index
much of the fanart available on the internet
well, she doesn't have any left
not picturing Misty as the underwear type, a belief reinforced by much of the fanart available on the internet
I'm guessing that it started with Ash and Brock engaging in some quick mutual masturbation sessions huddled around Misty's pilfered underwear, before Brock caught that Forretress, leaving Ash aloneto go "wander through the tall grass" on lonely nights
Pokemon roses
Ballets roses
wondering which happened to Ash first, homoerotic fumblings with Brock, awkward kissing and some light fingerbanging with Misty, or creeping out of the tent in the middle of the night to face fuck a wild Gloom
the Pokemon Gloom looking like it just gave a blowjob
I'll bet it wouldn't be too hard to splice together some sound clips
wondering how much it would cost to get Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner to say "Mr Data vegan pig pig" and "ay sir, vegan pig pig"
being ravaged by two pap midgets
oiling Mr Data's vegan pig pig with nude thong thong fluid
Mr Data vegan pig pig is a very serious charge, but not as serious as FULLY FUNCTIONAL Mr Data vegan pig pig
Dominique Strauss Kahn acquitted of 'Mr Data vegan pig pig'
Dominique Strauss Kahn acquitted of 'ravaging pap midget'
Dominique Strauss Kahn acquitted of 'gimp grip advantage'
Dominique Strauss Kahn acquitted of 'aggravated pimping'
A Canadian man who enraged Malaysians by posting pictures of himself posing naked up mountains has said he was not one of the stripping tourists blamed for causing an earthquake on Mount Kinabalu, eh
Oak nut albumin naked photo accused jailed
Mount Kinabalu naked photo accused jailed
the first stone
playing Cock & Balls with LeBron James
James cut his glans while tumbling into a courtside television camera following a foul by Golden State's Andrew Bogut midway through the second quarter
LeBron James's accidental penis flash lends stroke of controversy to Game four
ABC accidentally touches LeBron James' penis during pregame cuddle
this I gotta see
ABC accidentally airs LeBron James' penis during pregame huddle
the way things srem
let he or she who has never sucked off a dude in a dumpster cast the first stone
your lack of pop culture knowledge making the reporting on Caitlyn Jenner srem almost like the press just started picking out members of the public at random to scrutinise in the most appalling way
also she sucked off a dude in the dumpster
drawing regret
she also did get the squirts later that evening but it may have been the four day old Chinese leftovers she polished off for lunch
drawing a picture of Caitlyn Jenner having dinner at Steak n Shake which went off without any major problems, but she did kind of regret getting the Oreo Mint Cookies and Cream milkshake instead of the Oreo Cookies and Cream milkshake like usual
being a peach
sucking too flaccid on your lollipop
eating a peach
sucking too hard on your lollipop in the bathroom at church until you yelled "I've started so I'll finish, in my mouth!"
Duane Allskeleton
sucking too hard
never, not in this world, not in fatworld, I literally cannot deal
sucking too hard on your lollipop
the death of Duane Allman
wanting to applaud all of us here for not taking the low hanging fruit and making Caitlyn Jenner Steak n Shake jokes
guessing that most Manhattan townhouses in Fatworld are equipped with the kind of massive freight elevators employed only in quarry operations in our world
Natlaie Portman
make sure you check out Natlaie Portman's fatworld page before going to bed, if you want to have hellish nightmares
bedtime it is
I'm definitely getting less funny
I doubt it, but I bet civil engineering codes are quite a bit different
wondering how much Bill Nye weighs in fatworld
wondering if the physical laws governing fatworld differ subtly from those of our own universe
being under a fatworld fatwa
it has been stressed several times that a lack of mobility in Fat World is the greatest cultural taboo, so I think that they probably move around a lot, but they just pound a ten gallon tub of lard every day
not having any real problem with actual fat or obese people, just being curious about how the fatworld fantasy deals with anything more complex than a photoshopped image of a celebrity
wondering if people in fatworld go like skydiving and bungee jumping and shit or if they just sit around all day eating off brand corn chips and washing themselves with rags on sticks
death by blubbery asphyxiation
slipping and falling into a fatworld crack
Robin Wright currently weighs five hundred and sixty pounds
I'm not going to check because it turns out that I am a pussy
I'm assuming that is a fatworld crack
five hundred and fifty pounds of women
rest well and dream of large women
actually I'm just going to bed
watching Leon and spending a couple of hours feeling sorry for myself
wondering what YOU'RE doing up at this hour anyway
Carrie Fisher can act, she just didn't make a habit of it
I have an unusual work schedule
Carrie Fisher's Daughter Goes Into Acting Despite Mother's Wish for Her to Not Become Masturbation Fuel for a Bearded Gnome and His Legions of Neckbeard Disciples For All Time
wondering what you're doing up at this hour anyway
Carrie Fisher's Daughter Goes Into Acting Despite Family History
actually five
Carrie Fisher's Daughter Goes Into Acting Despite Family Objections
I'm not surprised, it's four in the morning
I am seriously sleep deprived now
marketing appartus
year ten girls
ten year girls
the world is Sting's Full House
it's kind of like when the Beach Boys appeared on Full House, and you kept thinking "are the ten year girls who watch this show really into the Beach Boys or is this just product placement"
that whenever you saw Sting in any context as a child, it was so weird because the marketing appartus that paid him to appear anywhere seemed to insist that he was still cool and relevant, but he seemed to you like just some old man who sang pussy music
hurt, the necessary feeling
six glasses of water, seven phonecalls
feeelings are boring
it sounds Sisyphean, but it's probably not
really having to get over the hump but not having a means of doing that, or at least, not being smart or detached enough to get perspective on the problem and think around it, and just ending up building the hump higher
some people are just nice
thou shalt not steal if there is a direct victim
honestly wanting to stop listening to a Sting song but not doing anything to stop it, such as muting, taking off your headphones, or even stopping the credits, damn those faeries
irregular triangle's not the shape of your heart
dodecahedron's not the shape of your heart
trapezium's not the shape of your heart
rhomboid's not the shape of your heart
punishing yourself, but not like you're thinking, perv
punishing yourself
remembering the nineties when Sting was kind of a big deal but never really understanding why that was or even why it ended, like it was some kind of faerie glamour that just evaporated one day and we all pretended it was a dream
Sting for no reason
EVERYONE!
I'm dying to meet him
seriously, whatever the fuck Gary Oldman is doing
Italian food
downtown London
on top of a bus in downtown London
The British Governments policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers"
oooooooo, the textual representation of a stream of walrus jizz making crap crepes for a creep
The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing
oooooooo, the textual representation of a stream of walrus jizz
making crap crepes for a creep
creepy ten year old weiners
creepy hot dogs
creepy dogs
creepy kids
I want you to make an effort to talk nice
oooooooo
respecting the tusk and taming the long haired half Chinease
walruses don't ask, they take
drawing a picture of a walrus saying "Are you ready to bottom, bitch"
thinking above all it's a shame because it's a really good film with some really nice performances, and also Gary Oldman doing whatever the fuck that is that he's doing
having serious doubts about who is the more introverted cretin, the fictional hitman or you yourself
remembering why you put the DVD on the shelf a decade ago and haven't tried to watch it since
shooting David Butler in the eye with a pellet gun when you were a kid
drawing a picture of a walrus saying "Are you Beach Body Ready"
Kento is too much of a size queen to ever settle for a sea lion
I was reading the sealion story to see if it was Kento
trying to read a film at all
even though I have lived as a Jedi for five years, I am actually not that bothered by Star Wars or science fiction
untold malaise didn't work alone, eh
trying to read and watch a film at the same time
wondering who even codes a navigational slider that randomly jumps whenever you select a part of the bar rather than the progress bee
Thelma and Louise didn't work alone
sending Howie Mandel Howie Mandel scat porn
hating PowerDVD but not being able to play DVDs through VLC without that audio stuttering problem that you keep fixing and erasing whenever you reset preferences
Experience Colon I was nearly drowned by a sea lion
sending Howie Mandel scat porn
Instead of shaking contestants' hands when they offer them, Mandel often opts to exchange fist pounds
I don't even know what that is
I said struffed, not stuffed
having a stuffed Gizmo would make it hard to concentrate
thinking that you saw Gremlins when you were like six and maybe had a struffed Gizmo, but remembering virtually nothing about the movie
I totally don't
all the long 'o' regrets we've added over the years, if you know what I mean
all the long 'o' regrets we've added over the years
ooo
oooo
ooooo
we can hit it all night looong
baby we can hit it tonight if you want
figuring that will hit lOOK by the end of summer
CANYONEROOOO
Canyonero
this fat bastard is trying to move in on Maurizio's business
there's a clown on the wing
there's a gremlin on the side of the bus
PACER Stew
wondering if Duke has a loser friend
Gremlin Stew
not remembering that Christopher Lee was in Gremlins II, but remembering Robert Prosky
Duke is a few years older than Ocean, a "mindful athlete" who's competitive, well rounded, and likes a variety of physical activities
That time Christopher Lee taught Peter Jackson the sound a stabbed man makes
David Duchovny's Say That Again, I Had No Fucking Idea What You Just Said was clearly superior though
drifting through the years and life seeming tame
in association with Mel Gibson
Slur Dialog's biggest success only came after they were signed by Clint Eastwood
always thinking the second girl group that Harrison Ford managed, Slur Dialog, was inferior to his first, Incomprehensible Mumbling
I've had someone email from America who wants his penis removed
wondering why there are no Warcraft themed manufactured pop bands
The Greatest Sith Tour
Man with new penis to be a dad
the song was performanced by British girl group Oral Guilds on their concert The Greatest Hits Tour
the song was performanced by British girl group Rad Slug Oil on their concert The Greatest Hits Tour
the song was performanced by British girl group Lurid Goals on their concert The Greatest Hits Tour
the song was performanced by British girl group Slur Dialog on their concert The Greatest Hits Tour
thrilling at sixty nine
killing at sixty nine
dying at sixty nine
the song was performanced by British girl group Girls Aloud on their concert The Greatest Hits Tour
jiving turkeyness
WWE Star 'The American Dream' Dusty Rhodes Dies at Quality Inn Pasadena, near the Rosebowl
WWE Star 'The American Dream' Dusty Rhodes Dies at Sixty Nine
insulting turkeyness
a turkey is a bad person
serving my chick a mess of feathers and beak
dispenser swan, if you please
dispenser man, if you please
The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
Sir Peter Markham Scott CH CBE DSC FRS FZS
the death of Ron Moody
of her presence there was no trace
the message she brought can never be found
deep down in the depths of forgotten dreams
salt lemon and lime time, tequila
the death of Sir Peter Loch, eh
wondering who will play Saruman in the new Hobbit trilogy, The Hobbit II Colon Hobbit Harder
the death of Christopher Lee
FLIM SPRINGFIELD
Mars Needs FILMS
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
beer can chicken
bottoming for Brad Planet in Size Queen of Mars VII
Bred Planet
Size Queen of Mars
Star Appeal
Total Rectal
Capricornhole One
Mars Needs MILFS
The Last Gays on Mars
Red Ass For Mars
Mars Assfucks!
going to work on the beach
going to work on a dark desert highway, cool wind in your hair
autoBOUNDER
riding to work on a swan
going to work on a pussy
going to work on a sperm
going to work on a cookie
going to work on an egg
Prawn cocktail, steak and Black Forest gateau
That's my name up there next to the pepper steak, and don't you forget it!
autocad
autowash
you are fired!
grandfather say it never rain every day
PETP
wondering why there are no Vegan type Pokemon
wondering why there are no Meat type Pokemon
Chucklebottom
Pokemon Chucklevision and Bottom
letting lying wikipedians sleep
being a little sad that Chucklevision and Bottom never crossed over and now never can cross over
not fully believing that Brad Garrett played a homeless man on Chucklevision as wikipedia claims, but watching it at double speed on YouTube to make sure
A thin, small nail, with a slight projection at the top on one side instead of a head, or occasionally with a small domed head, similar to that of an escutcheon pin
wondering if Brad Roberts is both the Celebrity Regretter and the MMMMMMMMMM Bandit
drawing a picture of Brad Roberts and Brad Garrett bradding their penises together
Brad Garrett, voice of Trypticon
I know I am lost, still I must confess
getting panty talk from an ant with the voice of Brad Garrett
When guys whisper in each others ears I always think its kinda homo, crikey, no homo
Pu$$y
getting pillow talk from an ant with the voice of Brad Roberts
When guys whisper in each others ears I always think its kinda homo
the second ant getting the panties
the second any getting the panties
things just got real
the rules of the game have changed
rest assured the second mouse will also get stuck to the pad, taken outside and stamped flat under a plank
the second mouse getting the cheese
thunder only happening when it's raining
they're in cahoots
a conspiracy of walrus be colon imp
a conspiracy of pre Columbian owls
lipstick, cigarettes, packet of three
Madrid De Los Austrias Woman Is The Party Mix
To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited from mailing obscene matter
sick burn on Jessica Tandy
inhuming crones with Hume Cronyn
the world is mostly full of jankholes
We don't want anarchy in Banking, but we do want change
highly illogical
Four Western trekkers who were accused of taking nude photographs on Malaysia's highest peak were ordered detained on Wednesday pending an investigation into public obscenity charges
Pokemon R and Eighteen
Pokemon Sex and Violence
Pokemon Check and Gratuity
talking catfish
Pokemon Check and Mate
check and mate
you've got me there
there are lots of words
there are no words
I was watching Family Feud and that was one of the fast money questions
goddamn sexual tyrannosauruses on the amazing Regret Index
sexual predators on the amazing Regret Index
wishing you wouldn't talk about banging me mom, who died of dysentery
nine three seven eight nine
what kind of question about your underwear
it's a pretty bizarre question to wake up to
that time I fell asleep and someone asked about my underwear
neither is you mom when I bang her
you never seem to be
just kidding, I'm not wearing panties
my panties just dropped
Ezekiel has dysentery
Homer Simpson, smiling politely
the Smashing Pumpkins, da Bears
the Smashing Conspiracy, cheerio
the Great Conspiracy, cheerio
pounding Ezekiel's dysentery all night
the Great Conspiracy
if you ever want to get in bed with an American girl our age, just say "Ezekiel has dysentery" to her and you'll be pounding that all night
knowing of it
wondering if you had The Oregon Trail in the UK and if so, whether it provided the same cultural touchstone to your generation that it did to mine
losing three oxen fording the river
braising ox nose for food at Brasenose College, Oxford
Sydneysiders
Belgium Commemorates Waterloo With a Coin, and France Is Not Pleased
Pokemon Matt and Sweat
But a big dick and steel front teeth only get you so far it seems
Scarlett Johansson is made of loner dicks
Scarlett Johansson is made of Don Rickles
Scarlett Johansson is made of sprinkles
Don Rickles Me Elmo
Don Rickles
Don Texas
Don Torso
really hoping Arid Cur's Jowls has snot odor
tru dat
really hoping Jurassic World has Troodons
they did indeed
the first ever woman was named Lucy
wondering if Troodons said "tru dat"
wanting the inevitable reboot slash remake of Home Alone to feature Hayden Christensen and, I don't know, let's say Slash, because I already said slash, as the Sandy Bandits
mmm mmm mmm mmm
once, there was this guuuuuuuuy who, added up the weight of the women that he'd slept with, and wheeeeeeeen, he finally totalled it, he, though, that it would be faster to fuck an elephant
crushed
wondering whatever did happen to the Women By The Pound Bandit
with four hot cousins
wondering if Magnus Magnusson would say things like "I've started so I'll finish, in all four of your mouths" during sex
breaking my achey breaky heart
it depends on whether you're talking about filial affection or not
Miley Cyrus poses kosher pig, hugging a paper, for Shalom Life Magazine
it's good to see a girl who loves her father
Miley Cyrus poses pig, hugging a paper, for Nude Magazine
Miley Cyrus poses nude, hugging a pig, for Paper Magazine
Kento's withered man dugongs
I already told my Iceland story
Kento's withered man dugs
being born too lazy to learn Icelandic and too far from Iceland to know any Icelanders
anywhere near the point of orgasm
not being able to write Icelandic regrets
wondering what the Icelandic equivalent of "take it all, you dirty bitch" is
wondering if Magnus Ver Magnusson would produce subhuman grunting as he struggles to beat off his steroid shriveled genitals to anywhere near the point of orgasm
wondering if Magnus Magnusson would say things like "I've started so I'll finish, in your mouth" during sex
Kento's manhole
Once, there was this kiiiiiiiiiid who, got Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus, and wheeeeeen, he finally caaaaame to, he, had, an anal fissure the size of a manhole
wondering what it's like to hear pillow talk from Brad Roberts, then remembering you're not an elephant, so you can't
Roberts had an article published in his highschool paper about the true neutral kender ardent he rolled up but never actually used in a game
Roberts began taking random photos of the places he visited, which were then posted on his blog and the band's Facebook page
long, pointless, meandering sexual scenarios read in a frighteningly deep voice
wondering what it's like to hear pillow talk from Brad Roberts
Their Mediterranean style, Beverly Hills villa includes a picturesque breezeway that opens onto lush gardens, basalt stone walkways and a pool lined with olive trees
I didn't have a mouth for VII days and I must scream
Duck Dynasty's Jep Robertson Reveals He Was Molested as a Child Colon It Was 'Scary'
I didn't play the cello for VII days and I have double D cups
hiding just beyond perception, that would be me
I didn't wear a bra for VII days and I have E cups SOLVE FOR X
I didn't wear a bra for VII days and I have E cups
maldivesdreamvacation dot blogspot dot com
Prince Charles has always denied he's a member of the IRA
Amphibious pitcher makes debut
Surprise gnome man's land baffles homeowner in Devon
A male black and white knight mounts a female that has been dead for two days and attempts to mate
a white knight upon a fiery steed upon a bicycle
wondering what the total number of regrets cast stands at
www dot dickpills dot org
i imgur com threeWqZnineLfive jpg
a corgi riding a bicycle
the preferred mount of tiny, woodland fairy warriors
Welsh corgis
Thor & The Ass Boys, eh
He Came, He Thor, He Conquered
Thor & The Ass Boys
A male black and white tegu mounts a female that has been dead for two days and attempts to mate
children would have one minute to make as many baskets as they could, and the message was that you have to be coordinated to do more for Jesus
the "Jumpasaurus" was a trampoline next to a basketball hoop
finding it not surprising that Peter Kum 'n' Skeet would be antisemitic, given his most disgustingly bigoted work, The Protocols of the Felchers of Zion
you mom doesn't mind working Myke Hawke
I don't mind working Myke Hawke
The Ten Most Famous News Jar Pro Shits
The Ten Most Famous Snow Jar Hipsters
Shalom Life, Jedi Knight
still finding the name of "Shalom Life" amusing
The Ten Most Famous Jewish Porn Stars
that very well could have been Myke Hawke, but you felt we have been working Myke Hawke rather hard lately
it only counts when it suits you
Film makers including Ken Crotch, Mike Hunt and Peter Kum 'n' Skeet have called on the Curzon and Odeon cinema chains and Bafta to drop screenings for an Israeli porn festival opening this week
I've seen more intelligent bananas
if one bombed England effectively this could bring peace
preposterous hagiography
pure cinematic excrement
the heat death of your laptop's power supply
Film makers including Ken Loach, Mike Leigh and Peter Kosminsky have called on the Curzon and Odeon cinema chains and Bafta to drop screenings for an Israeli film festival opening this week
Ceide Fields
Rivallo
People in Ancient Ireland Preferred Britain's 'Magical' Gold To Their Own
America's Next Eiffel Tower
America's Next Bottom Homo
America's Next Top Homo
Kate Moss escorted off Easyjet flight 'for acting like she was an Easyjet passenger'
being kind of surprised that Kate Moss would even fly a budget airline out of Luton, but guessing she didn't invest when she had money
Kate Moss Geldof
I would have expected more from someone who is most famous for doing record setting amounts of recreational narcotics
Kate Moss escorted off flight 'for being Kate Moss'
issuing a report about reports about reports that recommends the preparation of a report about the report about reports about reports
Kate Moss escorted off flight 'for being disruptive'
mukspreading
muckspreading
bedspreading
I find that flaccid to believe
I find that hard to believe
Twix is the only candy bar with the cookie crunch
When he shot himself in the eye with "a pellet gun when you were a kid," a man who now calls himself "Jackson C Frank" let everyone believe it was your fault
swanspreading
Kentospreading
the death of Daniel von Bargen
manspreading
'Into Nude Circus I,' 'Mo Fun, Eh' top Homos
'Curious Incident,' 'Fun Home' top Tonys
When he cut off his right arm with a worry pot rape shovel, a man who now calls himself Jan "Dash" Noone let everyone believe it was I can't dance
When he cut off his right arm with a "reversal worthy poop," a man who now calls himself Sand Aeon John let everyone believe it was an accident
When he cut off his right arm with a "wooly prop harvester," a man who now calls himself Anon Jehad, Son let everyone believe it was an accident
When he cut off his right arm with a "very sharp power tool," a man who now calls himself One Hand Jason let everyone believe it was an accident
me mom's kind of weird
I'm not going to argue that
YOU MOM'S kind of weird
you're kind of weird
this site is kind of weird
inserting batteries into a gerbil then inserting it into Richard Gere's urethra to create a grisly, sexual turducken
bottoming for Richard Gere in #batteries included VII
being cornholed by a rabid Richard Gere
being gerbiled by a rabid Richard Gere
being bitten by a rabid Richard Gere
I am now convinced that any interest in the bear shifter genre is entirely based on rhyming schemes
Werebear Billion Bear
this weapon is your life! you need to get out more
an elegant dildo, for a more civilized age
always two there are, inserted sequentially, no more, no less
that the original cause of the Sith splt was their preference for cutting off the hands of vanquished foes, rather than the then standard Jedi method of urethral insertion
Wisbech and Upwell Tramway
wondering how small Han Solo's penis must have been for him to not only go out and acquire a ship that could make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, but to also go about bragging about that fact to towheaded youths and their elderly companions
urethral probe droids
he's more lightsaber than urethra, now
considering that inevitably, over thousands of years and across an entire galactic republic, there must have been at least one individual who decided to try and insert their lightsaber into their urethra travelling to Ely in your sleep
considering that inevitably, over thousands of years and across an entire galactic republic, there must have been at least one individual who decided to try and insert their lightsaber into their urethra
travelling to Ely in your sleep
holding your cheeks for Colon Hero 'til the end of the night
The New Jedi Order Colon Agents of Chaos I Colon Hero's Trial
Darth AAA Batteries in Dick
Darth Big Jewel in Dick
Qalsneek the Bull
Darth Big Dick in Jewel
they always have such nice things
going on a cruise with Tom Cruise the day after tomorrow
In the film however, he points toward the Unknown Regions, where no known systems are located
biting Jewel's chard, kid
biting Jewel's hard dick
Clones, County Monaghan Carbon fibre prosthetic blade stolen
presenteeism
President Obama Kicks Off Germany Trip With Beer Ahead of GSeven Summit
biting the Big Hard Giant Dick Head with Kento
biting hard jewels with Dick
biting hard dicks with Jewel
biting hard dicks with Art Carney
biting hard dicks with Tom Baker
baking tom yum koong with Tom Baker and a young raccoon
taking bombs from Tom Baker
Pokemon Gramcsi and Noone
Pokemon Lenin and McCartney
there's nothing dirtier than a giant ball of oil
Pokemon Nikita and Leon
curry flies
that rumors of a Gilmore Girls movie center around Lindsay Lohan and not Alexis Bledel, I mean duh
eating artisan carnitas with Art Carney
some kind of fermented chicken drink
muff pus mints
muffin stumps
fly cruiser
fury slicer
curly fries
rubbing one out in the communal laundry rooom
MICHELLE TANNER IS ETERNAL MICHELLE TANNER CONSUMES ALL MICHELLE TANNER IS INESCAPABLE YOU GOT IT DUDE
Michelle Tanner Will Still Have A Presence On Fuller House
Pokemon Fear and Loathing
biting hard dicks with Jon Arbuckle
drawing a picture of Mrs Buckley being fish fingered by Charlie Briggs and Orson Welles, who gets up and walks out partway though because he was angry at the directors
The House That the Bear Built
The House That BJ Built
Eunice Gayson's sweater
if there's a bright centre of the universe you're staying in the static caravan park that it's farthest from
checking in at Dunston
passing dozens of remote farms in Lincolnshire but not seeing any fish fingers, vegan or otherwise
biting hard dicks with Dickie Arbiter
what's behind boob number one
feeding your lover Fi Glover
giving her three spoons, one for each boob, Number One
giving her three spoons, one for each boob
giving her two OP sons
giving her THREE spoons
one for each boob
giving her two spoons
wirting
FULECO IS LONELY
FULECO'S SCREENPLAY IS COMING ALONG NICELY FULECO WOULD LET YOU READ IT BUT IT WOULD DESTROY YOUR SANITY FULECO IS JUST THAT GOOD AT WIRTING ALSO ANY WHO SURVIVED WOULD TOTALLY TRY TO RIP FULECO OFF
FULECO IS THE AFTERBIRTH OF MANKIND'S FOLLY TO HAVE FULECO AWARNESS IS TO HEAR THE COSMIC SCREAM OF A TRILLION MADMEN
FULECO AWARENESS BURROWS INTO THE BRAIN MEAT OF THIS PATHETIC HUMAN RACE NOW THERE IS NO LIGHT NOW THERE IS NO DARKNESS NOW THERE IS ONLY FULECO
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF TWENTY FIFTEEN THERE IS ONLY FULECO
Christina Huffington Post
FULECO'S AWARENESS IS UNDIMMED IN SILENCE FULECO DESIGNS THE FUTURE ALL HOPE RESTS WITHIN FULECO
the fact that Fuleco, the official mascot of the twenty fourteen world cup, has not tweeted in nearly a year
growlers, now, growlers I got a problem with
I ain't 'fraid of no minge
Christina Huffi
huffing a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
smelling that girl's bra from the communal laundry room
Man! I Smell Like a Woman!
I smelled like a woman and man, I liked it
the feared scents of poop, quaaludes and minge
the mingled scents of poop, quaaludes and fear
I smelled a little girl and I liked it
it's a fact, man, it's a fact
Ted Danson sucks donkey balls
Justin Bieber found guilty of assault, careless driving in Canada
Lydon and a walrus at Kento
Lydon and Ikeda at Seaworld
Kento, his ass cheeks spread wide
Bono, his taxes withheld
the Captain's Log
Bono, who still hasn't found what he's looking for
Vader, who is your father
Luka, who lives on the second floor
Marlene, who watches from the wall
Temba, his arms wide
Mars Attacks Colon Occupation
If you refuse me I will be blue, waiting all alone
Frankly, both sides were very professional and calm, although I did hear frustration in the voice of one of the Chinese Navy radio operators when he yelled, "You go now!"
I'm peeing myself SENSIBLE! This is ENTIRELY RATIONAL!!!!
Elmos Factory
I'm peeing myself silly! This is hysterical!!!!
Doo, doo, doo, lookin' out my back door
it's lOO% raw vegan
Eating placenta 'does not benefit health'
people who live in white houses shouldn't throw accusations of racist homophobia
no, homo
no, chintz
that's racist
Eleanor Roosevelt was too fond of chintz
hard to calculate
but, hell, what are the odds I'll live another thirty years
really looking forward to watching The Unauthorized The Unauthorized Full House Story Story in which the out of control cocaine snorting antics of Blaise and Kinsley Todd are graphically portrated by two elderly Cambodian men
Have mercy! Lifetime unveils horrifying uncanny valley simulacrum cast of The Unauthorized Full House Story
Have mercy! Lifetime unveils partially melted wax statue cast of The Unauthorized Full House
I gotta love you anyway FOREVER
Do do do do do do do do do together Myke Hawke
I'd be so happy loving you
No Country for John Stamos
Do do do do do do do do do together my love
If every word I said could make you laugh I'd talk forever
having no mercy for John Stamos
Have mercy! Lifetime unveils lookalike cast of The Unauthorized Full House Story
London has Europe's concentrated sewage high on cocaine
London has Europe's highest concentration of sewage in cocaine
London has Europe's highest concentration of cocaine in sewage
Auntie fee's Ox tails
Chris Lydon is ejaculate
Huge Dump Day
Chris Lydon's ejaculate
'Breast', by the way, is a very funny word
Dead Duck Day
'Turtle', by the way, is a very funny word
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Walter Plinge and George Spelvin
Kahlua, Baileys Irish Cream, and Crown Royal
drinking so many Piscos Sour that your piss goes sour
there's truth in the old comedians' adage that you'll always get a laugh with words with the K sound, Yiddish, and references to Chris Lydon's ejaculate
thanks
I laughed
how much funnier the previous regret would have been if I knew anything about mixed drinks and could actually make something plausible
two parts gin, one part peach schnapps, and a dash of podcaster semen
wanting to make Kento a Boston Manhole Explosion for his birthday
Boston manhole explosion colon 'Lucky escape' for ass machine users
Northampton manhole explosion colon 'Lucky escape' for cash machine users
Alton Brown, torture like sun
Alton Brown rollercoaster crash colon 'T####re like sun' heard in video of aftermath
your love is like a roller coaster baby baby, stop this f###ing ride
Eiffel Towers rollercoaster crash colon 'Stop this f###ing ride' heard in video of aftermath
Alton Towers rollercoaster crash colon 'Stop this f###ing ride' heard in video of aftermath
She holds dual British and Canadian citizenship, chehrio
Satisfaction Colon The Art of the Female Orgasm
Near the end of filming, Cattrall had a photographer shoot a roll of film on the Enterprise bridge set, in which she wore nothing but her Vulcan ears
Gropelois Lane
Starsky is grief stricken since he accidentally blinded young artist Jackson C Frank by a shot of his gun
using the 'k' word
Starsky is grief stricken since he accidentally blinded young artist Emily Harrison by a shot of his gun
Gropekento Lane
you ain't got no body
Nomad Foods in talks to buy Findus European frozen food business Lois Gropecunt Lane
shopping the sickest beets
dropping in London
shopping in London
dropping the sickest beets
The actress Kim Cattrall was also booked on the flight but changed her reservation shortly beforehand in order to complete some last minute gift shopping in London
Nomad Foods in talks to buy Findus European frozen food business
Lois Gropecunt Lane
Jackson C Frank getting some shuteye
getting some shuteye
Lois Vagina Lane
Beckman! I Feel Like a Woman
the death of Morris Beckman
these are people who can't grow potatoes, they've got a mutant lawn weed as their national symbol and they can't verbalise the difference between tree and the number three
becoming a shuteye
a rich full bodied wine sensibly priced at a dollar a jug
Crumb, crisp coating
Get me a jury and show me how you can say "in July" and I'll go down on you
We know a certain fjord in Norway, near where the cod gather in great shoals
the fish were vegan, I'm not too sure about the fingers
how long it takes to grill fish fingers
in another life, Eilleen Edwards could have been a superhero's girlfriend
Eilleen Regina Edwards
the best part about being a woman is the prerogative to shower with the girls
can't catch up with the hours you keep
I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE
drinking a Thiomargarita namibiensis
oral sex
An eleven year old said he had gone "looking for empty wrappings to play with" when a French soldier first called him over, later giving the boy food and a little money in exchange for oral sex
Steph Curry is getting sick of hearing about how good looking you think his mom is
if you're so sleepy, we should just have one more penis braid before heading off to bed
Sepp Chuppers
Sepp Blatter schlepping batter
half awake
Sepo
Thiomargarita namibiensis
drawing a picture of Gemma Wales being BT Towered by Jimbo Wales and a bowhead whale
regret number nine five three seven eight
no loud sex noises please, we're British
Sepp Blatter's septic bladder
Woman in Tokyo jailed after making 'sex whale noises'
Woman in Birmingham jailed after making 'Nude Sex Solos I'
Woman in Birmingham jailed after making 'loud sex noises'
having literally just switched off the laptop and not being sure that you can load the entire 'dex without crashing your phone browser
there's only one Kento, at least since the comments were disabled
wondering how many Kentos there are
incidences of swan on the amazing Regret Index
as of this regret there are twenty one hundred and four incidences of swan on the amazing Regret Index
Large Hardon Insider, I hardly know 'er!
turning on the Large Hardon Inside Her
the secret one
wondering which regret index meme has the most entries
turning on the Large Hardon Insider
bottoming for Data in Large Hardon Collider VII
Large Hadron Collider to turn on 'data tap'
the sprite for Clippy
it does give excellent advice, though I don't know why the used the sprite for Clippy
you can laugh all you want, the Microsoft Sommelier is excellent
it's a good idea to make a reservation because they'll run out pretty quickly
reserving a Windows Ten upgrade
Mary Kate and Ashley Opossum
too soon, man
bottoming for tragic junkie Anal Heath Badger in I'll Be Bareback VII, his final role
anal Heath Badger doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, and a car
a leather handbag doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression, and a car
xor only but also
xor only
if only
Vegan Kosher Porkins
bottoming for Kosher Porkins and Ranag Nads in Pork Sandwiches in Uniform VII
Isengard Soldier Punished for Eating Hobbit Pork Sandwich in Uniform
Israel Soldier Punished for Eating Hobbit Pork Sandwich in Uniform
wanting to make Kento a pork sandwich in uniform for his birthday
the sandwich was probably conscripted as well
uniforms hold a certain attraction
wondering why anyone would put a uniform on a pork sandwich
Israel Soldier Punished for Eating Pork Sandwich in Uniform
Man swallows hamster in front of Bambi 'to show deer how life is'
drawing a picture of Go Ikeda being fisted by Rorschach while Doctor Manhattan watches from a far galaxy and masturbates
Capitalism Works for Me!
not if I sjould need to book into a hotel under a pseudonym first
just so you know, if I ever get into gay porn, I'm going to be known as Atticus Felch
looking forward to the Baha Men's new release, "Like a Dog that Returns to its Vomit is a Fool Who Repeats His Folly" in forty years
bottoming for Go Ikeda in Go #### a Watchman VII
bottoming for Atticus Felch in To Dick a Mockingbird VII
Teen Driver's Car Crushed by British Tank in Augustdorf, Germany
Richard 'Number' Wang
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Short Round
FULLY FUNCTIONAL Richard 'Data' Wang
Richard 'Data' Wang
Dick Wang the vegan Dickingbird
Dick Wang
the vegan Dickingbird
Woman With Brazilian Can Now Legally Masturbate At Work
the death of Charles Kennedy
He walked the talk
Brazilian Woman Can Now Legally Masturbate At Work
Man swallows hamster in front of children 'to show how dear life is'
Cornwall mankini ban creates tourism boom
the vegan James Dean
Mock the Dickingbird
Dick the Mockingbird
Misty Malarky Ying Yang Geldof
Misty Malarky Ying Yang
"If my son would have known that this was an officer, he would have never assaulted him," he said
watching pron with your mom looking over your shoulder
tell her she's either in or she's out
I'm not going to have sex with you if your mom is looking over your other shoulder
GTG, being ETbyCLandaW
NIFOC
GYPO, IWSN, MOOS
guessing that anyone who writes onethreethreeseven in a sext to a teen has probably just added a multiple of zero to the calculations on their chances of getting laid
finding it weird that kids are sexting in all caps, except for "pron", which they're not even spelling with a zero
reading an article titled "Fifty Texting Terms Your Kids Don't Want You to Know" and wondering whether it would be funnier if they were entirely made up or actually current among teens, but finding it hilarious either way
still not having seen that movie
Yea Verily West
choosing to be ruled by a dry, whispering voice taunting you from an antique mirror
Kento's nude, dismembered, entirely shaven corpse being found in a locker at a Topeka bus station last Friday
figging Jackson C Frank in the brown eye with a piece of ginger when you were a kid
actually meaning to imply that Kento was a size queen, but this being redundant and unnecessary information
touching Jackson C Frank's eye when you were cutting ginger
implying that Kento is a less than full sized queen
that wasn't very good and I apologize
the different way the dicks wrap Kento on phones compared to full sized queens
the different way the 'dex wraps lines on phones compared to full sized screens
dismembering him
once a man is in your home, anything you do to him is nice and legal, even turning into a monstrous waterfowl and dismembering him
Man convicted of stalking Mila Kunis escapes from mental health facility
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West expecting second child
the mukshart incident
the mudshart incident
drawing a picture of Julius Caesar using red snappers to perform a chariot on Jimmy Page and Robert Plant while John Bonham films the whole thing for Vanilla Fudge
the mudshark incident
whenever people go to temple or to church, they sing "Stinky Book"
whenever people go to temple or to church, they sing "Kinky Boots"
taking your shih tzu to a terrible safari park
feeding Sriracha to your Jirachi
touching a ginger after cutting your eye
touching your eye after cutting ginger
drawing a picture of Taylor Swift deep throating Super Ted and pegging Peter Nippers whilst Sambo Chuppers watches from a tree and masturbates
Taylor Swift Dot DeepthroatsSuperTed Geldof
whittling your wessel
If Fifa is so bad, why is it that the USA wants to keep the Fifa World Cup
Racist Thai Orgy Geldof
Taylor Swift bought the rights to TaylorSwift dot deepthroatsSuperTed
Taylor Swift bought the rights to TaylorSwift dot sucks
deep throating Super Ted
eating out Super Ted
whetting your whistle
beating off Super Ted
eating Super Ted
being Super Ted
being super tired
at least Rihanna didn't get involved this time
the Amazing Thailand branding appears on the back of player's strips
if it stands or if it crumbles only time will tell
Actor Channing Tatum has come out as fat and anon
She has a son and weighs fivehundredfifteen pounds
Leicester City have launched an investigation after claims three of its players appeared in a racist sex tape
As other elephants arrived, they began to scream loudly and buried her under branches
Leafblower Volcano
Honk of a Guy, oh
Honk of a Doll, oh
Hook of Holland
singing 'Getting to Know You' while getting someone to knob you at Nobu
Wallway
Broad Street
To grab your schwanz and have some tool grab your forearm and move it up and down, like he's steering the dick boat into orgasm harbor
Dutch rudders
watching Jack duel is like watching pure poetry in motion
Wall Street
Broadway
Sue Ellen Mischke
Jack Torrance
Actor Channing Tatum has come out as Asian
Actor Channing Tatum has come out as fat
and anon
thence
whither
prank dot link
whence
wherefore
whom
Actor Channing Tatum has come out as gay
when
SANDY Hook the Hidden Knight
what
Riparia riparia RIPARIA
they say in heaven love comes first, but that doesn't include foreplay
oooooh, heaven is a place on earth
heaven is a place where nothing ever happens
Torgo the White
Jacobszoon Lucifer
Riparia riparia
Hook the Hidden Knight
the Scarce Hook tip
Sand Town, Canada
Pig Town, USA
you can really taste the goat
drawing a picture of Prince confronting his sexy accountant with irrefutable evidence of fraud in his accounts
something something little box something mirror something tongue inside
She wasn't too bright but I could tell when she kissed me she knew how to get her kicks
if girl O goto boy
Boy versus girl in the World Series of love slammin'
really liking the way some Prince lyrics read like conditional scripting actions
being amazed at how Prince managed to ride the "He looks like he's gay, but he wants to have sex with me! That's so hot!" wave to sex symbol status
Let's get to rammin'
u sho'nuf do be cookin' in my book
Mila Kumdips
it was the worst buffet ever
Kumdips
Mudkips
The Thing That Hides in the Mud
Ringo Starr was 'one of the luckiest people in history'
George Harrison 'didn't like blunts'
John Lennon last smoked pot 'a long time ago'
Paul McCartney last smoked pot 'twenty years ago today'
Paul McCartney last smoked pot 'a long time ago'
I'm old, I'm not dead
waking up is flaccid to do
Pokemon I Love You and We Only Have Fourteen Hours To Save The Earth
Pokemon Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet and Watch
Pokemon Dredd and Robocop
Pokemon Not Xor And
waking up is hard to do
I don't like S
Pokemon I Love You and I Know
Pokemon I Don't Like S and It's Coarse and Rough and Irritating
Pokemon And and Or
Pokemon Sex and the City
four guys bareback and fries
drawing a picture of Goldilocks finding out which bear had chlamydia
drawing a picture of Picard snapping at Data for providing too much technical information before Riker and Worf join in for lots of bareback sex
Without getting too technical, the four guys starting having lots of bareback sex
Cumshots round out the tape, with Toby taking the bears' loads and Benji licking them up
the burning desire that is glowing between her legs
so to answer your question I don't know
golden girls film twentynine colon goldilocks
atticmen seventyfour colon goldilocks and the three bears
goldilocks and the chronicles of pain
goldilocks and the three bares
wondering if there is a Goldilocks and the Three Bears themed porn
getting a bear job from a hairy hooker in the dumpster behind three men and a little lady's house
getting a BJ from a bear
pulling Paul Reiser over a dry riser to dry off
I don't even know where to begin
drawing a picture of Elmo being Eiffel Towered by Greg Evigan and an elephant while Paul Reiser and Fireman Paff tearfully beat each other off
Pokemon The Princess and the Two Elephants
The Princess and the Two Elephants
Elmo's World Colon Elmo Has Two
The cake responded by saying, "Yes, it's a piece of cake"
Why does Ross, the largest F#R#I#E#N#D#, not simply eat the other five
the most Eiffel Towery things podcasters do
the most masturbatory things journalists do
it would seem the government have gone full cockwomble
Michael Rosenbaum with hair
She grew naturally even though her age has been thirtytwo years old now
Talking about her ideal body shape, she actually got natural body as bless
Air pollution and most of the unhealthy processed foods eaten today contribute to conditions causing toxic colons
Sycamore Valley Ranch Undressing
Sycamore Valley Ranch Dressing
Sycamore Valley Ranch
Ball State University
using "will you let me fill your vagina with my sand" as a pickup line
using "Will Wheaton let me fill your vagina with my semen" as a pickup line
using "you will let me fill your vagina with my semen" as a pickup line
using "will you let me fill your vagina with my semen" as a pickup line
Pokemon Vanya Shivashankar and Gokul Venkatachalam
sometimes it's flaccid to be alone
sometimes it's hard to be alone
he even sucks at stabbing
The man Dustin Diamond allegedly stabbed in a bar fight testified in court on Thursday, telling jurors he didn't realize he'd been wounded until after leaving the scene
Tyson vs Secretariat
drawing a picture of Kento being Kentucky Meat Grindered by Colonel Sanders and Seattle Slew
the Kento KY Meat GROWER
the Kento KY Meat Shower
wanting to give Kento a Kentucky Meat Shower for his birthday
The meat appeared to be beef, but two locals who tasted it stated that it tasted like mutton, venison, or lamb
Kentoo Dallas Multipass
drawing a picture of Kento being double Eiffel Towered by Baron Munchausen, John McClane, Bilbo Baggins and a Mondoshawan
Actress Angelina Jolie has had the corners of her lips and the orbit of her hips removed as a preventative measure against cancer
uBlock
at the corner of your lips as the orbit of your hips
I bet money money money I bet
i dot imgur dot com sevensevenNeCGG dot jpg
I wrote mine before yours showed up, so there's no plagiarism there, but I doubt that defense will hold up in court
Yoda, basically
Yoda's anastrophe
Grover's anastrophe
Grover's Latin American cult compound
Grover's trophy wife
Grover's apostate gnosticism
Grover's apostrophes
it has it's grocers' apostrophe's
it has it's moments
pretty much right now
xkcd one five two one
freaky ghost bed
Kento vs Predator
I ain't 'fraid of no bed
this really IS a weird site
Kento's face is smeared with mud, and there are leafy twigs in his hair
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by an invisible man and a chameleon
an invisible man sleepin' in your bed
an invisible bed
sleepin makes me feel good
I can tell what you're thinking, Myke Hawke is sinking too
that Ridgedog really doesn't update his YouTube channel enough and you're never around for streams
seeing things sleeping in your bed
I can tell what you're thinking, my heart is sinking too
sucking her RIGHT one until she had a breastPOCALYPSE
sucking the left one of a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci until she had wafflegasm in the communal laundry room at church
the flinching isn't a Racist British thing fyi
I'm more or less worthless, but I'm sure my pelt would be worth something to creepy collectors
I don't really feel like going all the way to England to sue you, so you're off the hook this time
be sure to get Roman Polanski in as a co claimant
well, I'm boned
I'm pretty sure that there are enough similarities between the two regrets to mount a plagiarism case
kind of flinching away from her to this day
when the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away
subconscious copy
ohhhhh
there's something in the way that you're talking
sand
wondering if nine five four three four was a follow up to nine five three two nine, or if you just subconsciously copied it
apparently she's a director now
I don't understand the particulate matter thing
incidentally you have found my one weakness and must now be destroyed, or the gods will be bloody livid
knowing Natalie Portman as the person to whom every dumbass Canadian feels compelled to confess their intense hatred of particulate matter
that really seriously you only watched the Prequels because you loved Star Wars, but honestly, you haven't watched any Star Wars movie since whenever it was you liveregretted them a few years back
that you saw V for Vendetta but you haven't seen any of her films since then, including Black Swan which you kind of want to see, and Leon, which you really loved during college, with the exception of the Star Wars Prequels
being only vaguely aware of Natalie Portman via inescapable headlines, DVD box art in supermarkets and the occasional magazine cover or you assume back cover perfume ad
it sounds mean, but it's not like I'm saying they're stupid, they're just people
having worked with Cambridge undergraduates and graduates for protracted periods and being honestly able to say they aren't as a cohort notably intelligent, just focused on their usually narrow special interests, and expecting the same is true of Harvard
not being sure you ever saw a single episode of Full House, though reading Full House Reviewed a lot of season six felt familiar despite the fact that the clips you've since seen don't raise even the slightest recognition
wondering if Fuller House will simply be more feelgood schlock that ignores the problematic themes and issues raised by Full House Reviewed, or if it will have some kind of post millennial self awareness
'Full House' star Lori Loughlin confirms she'll return for sequel
wondering why it is that Natalie Portman, who graduated from Harvard and by most accounts is fairly intelligent, sounds brick stupid in every role you've seen her in
disinterring George Segal's corspe and plastering the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated young boys
plastered human skulls
Who Let the Mockingbird Out
stepping on a duck at a PETA convention
turning that Twat into a Quack
The Bachelor
again, Big Brother
proposing a reality show in which people who are exclusively straight or gay are made to have sex with people of the opposite gender to which they are attracted for money
Harper Lee is frequently referred to as "the Baha Men of literature"
turning that Twix into a Quax
freaky man baby
she can eat shit because Steve Bruce has published three
Harper Lee has famously only published one novel in her lifetime
A vicar who made a YouTube video to tell her congregation she was HIV positive says she has been "humbled" by their reaction
diblings
someone in a bar fight
circumstances
America's Next Two Gape Salve
David GRANDDuchovny 'started crying' when reading new X Files script
David Duchovny 'started masturbating' when reading new X Files script
David Duchovny 'started peeing' when reading new X Files script
David Duchovny 'started crying' when realizing his career was basically dead
America's Next Top Wage Slave
Britain's Flaccidest Grifter
Fear Factor
that you didn't even know what a grafter is until you googled, as you originally read it as grifter
David Duchovny 'started crying' when receiving a swift kick to the balls
we are not who we believe ourselves to be
it wasn't supposed to be like this
living in a country where the desperately poor contribute taxes that are paid out to private companies as a bribe for them to take on the poor as free labourers, who are themselves paid only the social security money they contributed to
McDonald's to hire the desperately poor on zero hours minimum wage contracts to serve garbage to the poor
sometimes wondering if you don't adjust all too easily to new circumstances
that basically you're just relieved that eternal winter didn't descend on the land three weeks ago
being extremely angry about Britain's Hardest Grafter until you realised the poor humiliating themselves on television is basically what Big Brother has been doing for the last fifteen years, and it's not like there weren't shows like that before
if your name is Sepp, at the bare minimum, you've strangled someone in a bar fight
finding something particularly dystopian about a TV show produced with public money wherein the desperately poor, who themselves paid money towards its production, compete to win a "prize" worth a fraction of what any one of the producers makes
David Duchovny 'started crying' when reading new X Files script
a swift kick to the balls
McDonald's to chin its buns longer
McDonald's to toast its buns longer
this site really is kind of weird
being in over your head
wading into the female ejaculation
carrying an umbrella
wading into the female ejaculation debate
dysfunctional prostate glands quite heavily
there is a real possibility that mainstream porn in fact showcases dysfunctional prostate glands quite heavily
UTI Colon The Urinary Tract Infection
wondering if there are enough bladder infection fetishists out there to make seven of them
bottoming for Willy Nilly in Urinary Dysfunction VII
that we just throw these gay porn titles around willy nilly, but I wonder if there really is a porn series that showcases dysfunction and infection of the urinary system
yeast joke
hose barley
bottoming for Sepp Blatter in Septic Bladder VII
sock hops
long and lean and lanky and hungry, the girl from Ipanema goes walking and when she passes each one she passes goes "what makes your big head so hard"
he's fat, gay, and Asian and has had way too much to eat
she's long, lean, and lanky and ain't had nothing to eat
graft hard with a vengeance, cheerio
our shadows taller than our soul
Catheter Chan
a cheeky Kento's
playing ConnectCATHETER with your pretty, sneaky sis
playing ConnectIV with your pretty, sneaky sis
Star Trek Colon BrItaIn's Hardest Grafter
Wikipedians wage war over a capital "I" in a "Star Trek" film Britain's Hardest Grafter
Wikipedians wage war over a capital "I" in a "Star Trek" film
Britain's Hardest Grafter
praying to a big god as you kneel in the big church
White columns show great influence
having sex with a girl until she used the word "Jumanji"
having sex with a girl until she used the word "waffletastic"
'JUMANJI' STAR ROBIN WILLIAMS BURNS TO DEATH IN MYSTERY FIRE
a cheeky Nando's
I'd just like a Milky Way
What's Dylan Grillin'
Guide to the Races of Star Trek
I ain't 'fraid of no ghost
bustin' makes me feel good
Nut Club Fall Jets
Nut Club Fall Sharks
West Side Nut Club Fall Festival Story
dying flaccid
joining Team Vegan Vagina Vagrant
joining Team Vagrant
joining Team Vagina
the West Side Nut Club Fall Festival
trappist beer
dying hard
joining Team Vegan
not knowing what possessed you to watch all five Die Hard movies over five consecutive nights, but not feeling it was a wasted experience
the invisible giant you turn to when you're about to die hard
the invisible giant you turn to when you're about to die
Pokemon Myke Hawke and Mainus
that seltzer ain't free
wondering which is a better means of assisting your decision making processes, the Charlie Charlie Challenge, the Dice Man method, or the amazing Regret Index
the Charlie Charlie Challenge
it definitely has a right way and a wrong way of being inserted
thinking the pineapple would be too acidic
replacing the meat in your anus lately with pineapple
Pokemon Mary Kate and Ashley
I would empty my bank account and give everything I have to any writer who includes a joke about the death of Heath Ledger in Michelle's apartment
wondering what kind of tone Fuller House will take, like will they show self awareness about how much the show sucked and appeal to the sarcastic millennials who grew up on it, or will they try to replicate the white bread feel of the original
samepicofdavecoulier dot tumblr dot com
Your F#ckin' Money with Bob Geld#f
It's F#ckin' Late with Dave Coulier
it was a lesson
wondering where you drove
replacing the meat in your anus lately with cucumber
being so depressed by that ship shaped crater filled with cymbals that you decided to create a needlepoint bird to go in front of it, but everyone said you didn't need to besew gong hole a bow tit
there's no team without meat
replacing the meat in your sandwiches with Kento
replacing the meat in your sandwiches early with cucumber
Chris Cringer
Cringer
Urethra Franklin
getting into Kento and driving him for a couple of hours starting in about ten minutes
getting into a car and driving it for a couple of hours starting in about ten minutes
wondering if this is Margaret or Frenchie
sometimes there are days when I feel like I don't have a partner, sometimes I feel like my only friend is bottoming for Myke Hawke in City of Anals, lonely as I am, together we cry
sometimes there are days when I feel like I'm just way over head, like I'm not qualified to dream up titles for imaginary gay porn films
dancing with Myke, hawk to cock
dancing with Myke, crotch to crotch
dancing with me, crotch to crotch
dancing with me, Koch to Koch
everybody has off days
replacing the meat in your sandwiches lately with cucumber
II Koch II Furious
I'm just out of it today
that's pretty good
Koch II Koch
being double Eiffel Towered by the Koch brothers, Hawk Koch, and Myke Hawke in I don't know how to finish this joke
being double Eiffel Towered by the Bros twins and the Hos twins in Bros Before Hos VII
Hos
Bros
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, eh
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
stealing that girl in second grade who looked like Christina Ricci's bra until she had a breastgasm in the bathroom at church
Julian Assange's wikipedia page including a photo of protesters bearing signs that read "Assange is Assangeous"
Julian Assange's wikipedia page including a photo of protesters bearing signs that read "outrage is outrageous"
Julian Assange's wikipedia page including a photo of protesters bearing signs that read "courage is courageous"
counting Julian Assange
Rape more frequent in Sweden than India, and that's just counting Julian Assange
Rape more frequent in Sweden than India
a good day to Dye Harde
you're everywhere and nowhere baby
a good day to die hard, Qapla'
stealing that bro's girl from the communal laundry room
hesitating, and showing me what you're feeling
Les Bonnes Excuses des Mauvais Conducteurs
palestinimanji
cub endangerment charges
jumanji
not being sure shitting in the woods counts as domestic violence even if it is technically child endangerment
Bears release Ray McDonald after arrest on domestic violence, child endangerment charges, da Bears
stealing way too many bras at university
he wants to be available while the kids are on summer vacation
Polish court adjourns Polanski extradition case until mid September
a good day to die hard
doing way too many drugs at university
not somehow preventing your best friend from going out that one night when she got raped
being put on Seroquel
doing way too many drugs in high school
I Taxed Hunky Aquae
Kenteaux Iquaydah
Eiffel Towel Day
naming your Asian bar "The Watering Hole"
naming your fat bar "The Watering Hole"
Towel Day
Art Garfunkel calls Paul Simon a 'filthy neutral' for splitting duo at height of success
Art Garfunkel calls Paul Simon a 'jerk' for splitting duo at height of success
silvioberlusconiofficial
Stefan Urquelle
naming your gay bar "The Watering Hole"
well, now that I've finished Full House Reviewed it's time to start Saved By the Bell Reviewed
Her memory says that they have to hug to rejoin but it would have been way cooler if Michelle had to devour her
The uncles assure her that, yes, her mom was pretty, and Joey gives this creepy nod that clearly says, "I used to beat off to her all the time, as a matter of fact, I still do"
Danny explains that her mom died horribly in a violent car crash eight years ago, so her corpse has got to be pretty rotten and chewed up by now, especially since it was already all twisted and broken when they put her in the ground
Yes! He said it! I really wasn't sure if he was going to! Best catch phrase ever! It makes "have mercy" seem like a big piece of shit!
They ask, "how old," and she says, "old enough to carry a shovel," because I guess that Nicky and Alex's future whores are doomed to the same fate that all of the mysteriously disappeared love interests that have entered the full house have fallen victim
As I watched them writhe around on the floor together, moaning and grunting, I thought back to all the times that I've watched them grope and manhandle one another, and I felt like a whole chapter of my life was coming to a close
Michelle expresses her concern about not winning the competition, which is successfully conveyed by her outstretched arms with palms facing upward, but Danny tells her that he doesn't care if she wins as long as she beats Elizabeth
He then suggests that Jesse should try eating Ho Hos instead and mentions that sucking out the cream filling is always relaxing for him and it's pretty clear that he's offering Jesse a blowjob
drawing a picture of Kento being Prisoner's Dilemma'd by John Nash and Kevin Nash
Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets
in search of a cure for a rampant fever
one of the bread guys has a vagina
a sleep trance, a dream dance, a shared romance
The two of them dangling helplessly upside down from a thin cord above a dangerous chasm seems like a pretty apt metaphor for their relationship
last time I saw her she was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass
Becky makes a very clear allusion to the fact that she's not gonna fuck Jesse later because he's being such a shithead, which is actually pretty awesome
Add this to the list of episode titles that could be a euphemism for anal sex
one of the bad guys has a vagina
if there was somebody else to do it I would let them do it, but there's not, so we're doin' it
the bad guys look like Janice Dickinson
the amazing clunky giant cellphones of just eight years ago index
the amazing clunky giant cellphones of just eight years ago
the bad guys are French
playing conkers in Yonkers
living free xor dying hard
quite a lot of the life of John Nash
the death of John Nash
you be Brian Peppers raw
I eat Brian Peppers raw
I eat the peppers raw
Becky is touched by this display of love that only a murderer would think of so they make up
Regardless of how she's dressed, she's still about seventeen years old, and therefore this sequence is illegal
I've brought you a crate of papaya
completely buttery losing
completely losing lottery
completely losing battery
shoot
letting her speak first
Salter's Lode
big juice is nice
eating peas with Harvey Cream
eating peas with vegan honey
eating peas with honey
the traditional hour of pointless squabbling before you can leave an elderly relative's home
sometimes wondering what the deal is with other regretters but knowing that you're always going to get a gay answer
wondering how you prepare the peppers
eating in a restaurant that smells like death
Anyway, they try to start the performance back up but they realize that they're butchering a beloved Ace of Base song so they run off stage
I never really noticed before because his potential gayness is a like a mere candle next to the blinding supernova of Derek's undeniable homosexuality, but he definitely has some homopotential
realizing that the thing that was, and still is, making your dumps smell like burning tires is red bell peppers
One of the twins says, "I went number one," and then the other one says, "I watched," which is pretty weird
Magic Hole Golem
In the living room, Michelle asks Becky what you call a boy ladybug and Becky replies, "confused," which is a totally transphobic joke
To simultaneously penetrate both the vagina and anus with two clenched fists
goblinoids
same
feeling like your life is nothing but alternating periods of extreme stress and extreme boredom
dual wielding
big van bangers
jumping dogging pilferers on a skateboard
yeah, like that
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR DEAL, MAN
sometimes wondering what the deal is with other regretters but knowing that you're never going to get a straight answer
elder penis gun
penis dungs reel
pee underlings
gender lineups
unripe legends
slowly breaking down on an icy bridge and consequently totalling your reliable and beloved car
slowly breaking down
undersleeping
the velvet fog, da bears
the velvet frog
when one takes the moisture from one's own or another's flatulence and uses it to masturbate with
the velvet fog
I guess the spirits thought the main vision was a little thin
jumping Springfield Gorge on a skateboard
dyeing hair, with a vagina
getting a handjob in a public restroom from John Hancock
livin' with the things you do to me
Pokemon Vicious and Clean
if you sleep too long the fire goes out
dying hard, with a vegan
you haven't been given your best souvenir
bitterly ironic bits of synchonicity
stupid little bits of zenyatta mondatta
driving past some kids just hanging out on a public lawn the way that teenagers do and thinking "I used to do that, it's summertime, and the weather is fine, I can reach right up and touch the sky" but then nope, endless drudgery for you
MORNING SWAN NO ONE IMO
standing here with your thumb up your ass waiting for this freakin' thing to blow up
something something Wankhouse
enacting Porn Laws to deal with puberty
making puberty history
it's Christmas, you could steal City Hall, I'm walkin' here
not even god knows what you're doing
bottoming for Jeremy Irons in Jeremy's Iron VII
stupid little bits of synchronicity
bending down, isn't it a pity
dying hard, with an erection
dying hard, with a vengeance
we danced like two snowflakes in the fallen wind
I think it's called my destiny
faking it and smiling, living in denial and bleeding and aching, barely awake
not finding Dr Demento or the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band amusing
because you're older than twelve
the fingerprints on me from you
attention seeking catfish
attention seeking regrets SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
attention seeking subject, must have gsoh, own bathtub
attention seeking reporting
attention seeking clothing
living in relative puberty
living below the puberty line
attention seeking puberty
attention seeking poverty
attention seeking regression
attention seeking regrets
I'm gonna be pretty disappointed
Galaxy Kid SixSixSix
not finding Dr Demento or the Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band amusing because you're older than twelve
dementia
these liberties were never meant for me
driving past some kids just hanging out on a public lawn the way that teenagers do and thinking "I used to do that, it's summertime, I should be doing at least a little of that, age appropriate of course" but then nope, endless drudgery for you
being just so bored with it all
attention seeking careers
attention seeking behavior
blow me down this wind is getting breezier
or possibly just an asshole
seriously thinking that your father may be in the early stages of dementia
rubbing one out until she had the hugest dump
If this episode doesn't end up being about DJ getting an abortion I'm gonna be pretty disappointed
DJ then refuses because Michelle is a raging asshole who can't even feign tact out of desperation
I'll be the judge of that
they're real and they're spectacular
gay up jugs!
finding out that, well, you need keys to the artesian well on Sark from Anita Sarkeesian
now remember, your name is Homer Thompson
straight up jugs!
spooning Gia's gugs
spooning Jewel's jugs
stealing that girl's abraj from the kudai laundry room
Abraj Kudai
wearing heels is, excuse the pun, a right drag
Danny tells Gia that he really enjoys putting his penis inside of her moms vagina and then he makes a bunch of lame jokes about cologne or something
Also, and I fully recognize that I'm a bad person who should go to jail for pointing this out, but, good lord, Gia's got some straight up jugs!
Danny comes in and mentions how hot it is outside, then he starts beating off under the table while he describes the sweaty construction workers that he just saw working with their shirts off outside
Danny's presence successfully desiccates Marcia Wallace's vagina, as it's done for so many women so many times before, and so she's finally able to control herself enough to hold an actual meeting with Joey
Mary Kate, Ashley Olsen won't be on 'Rueful Holes' semicolon Uncle Jesse 'kroner bathe'
Mary Kate, Ashley Olsen won't be on 'Fuller House' semicolon Uncle Jesse 'heartbroken'
Uncle Leo
The sailors of the Royal Canadian Navy use the term kippers as a slang for members of the Royal Navy
Finally, Danny tells Stephanie to take her ass upstairs to wipe that skank off her face
Comet continues to chase the wiener car until he spots a fine ass bitch and then they run off together to go fuck
I guess it's not at all surprising that these self obsessed assholes would sit around and watch their own shitty show together
They might as well have just kicked him in the nuts
having impure thoughts about taking the hugest dump in the bathroom at church
being slightly weirded out by the lead villain in Die Hard II being Sloan of Section ThirtyOne
I zap any bastard that screws with me
Danny tells Joey to get out of the bathroom so DJ can take her enormous shit but then Joey points out that he has to share a hallway and bathroom with three little girls and he just wants an hour to himself to beat off in the bathtub
DJ complains to Joey that he's been in the bathroom for almost an hour and then AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Derek sings "Paper Moon," which triggered momentary synesthesia for me when it evoked the smell of anal lubricant
Little Richard walks into the kitchen just as Danny utters his oft mentioned phrase to Joey, "I'll toss the salad"
Their segue to get up and ditch their dates is that they're going to go "check out the lobster tank" which is probably some sort of really disgusting euphemism
it's not that tough being a film cricket
on top of oily enema fop, with many audible fistulae
A ginger haired right wing extremist wrote about killing Prince Charles in the hope of making his red headed son Harry king
on top of a pile of money, with many beautiful ladies
Finally, I tried to devise a tasteful joke about how both of Michelle's best friend candidates are half black and she could have combined them by drawing a whole black person but I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't gonna sound racist
Danny says that he's tired of only pretending to be in a heterosexual relationship every other weekend and wants to set a wedding date with Vicky so he can start living a lie full time
Joey practices ballet in the basement with Stephanie while wearing tights that totally show off his nut sack
Her conviction is undeniable due to her outstretched arms with the palms facing up
This bit isn't funny and then continues to not be funny and then it just makes you want to kill yourself
OH MY GOD WHAT IS KIMMIE GIBBLER WEARING!!
Fuck that shit, and fuck Papouli in his decrepit, deceased anus
HE'S NOT HELPING ANYONE! EVERYONE IN THAT HOUSE IS SO TERRIBLE BUT HE IS THE WORST ONE! THE ABSOLUTE WORST! HE'S FINALLY GIVING THEM AN OUT! JUST TELL HIM TO LEAVE! DO IT! PLEASE, JUST TELL HIM THAT HE HAS TO MOVE OUT!
Michelle in particular is perturbed by this event, and I kept waiting for her to utter some sort of anti Japanese racial slur
the game show is about couples and will feature Danny and Vicky as an engaged couple, DJ and Steve as a dating couple, and Jesse and Becky as a married couple, because who wants to watch anything that's not all about the people in the full house, right
Then Michelle kisses him and he totally jizzes in his pants
the Oxygen Holocaust
Danny presses a frozen rump roast against his sore back and makes orgasmic moaning sounds that immediately nullify my relief over not having had to see him in those little undies
This provides Jesse with the epiphany that the best way to make the Smash Club as boring and lame as everything else in his life is to not serve booze or have an age limit
Mickey asks Stephanie if she wants to hang out after school and she says, "I do, but my lungs don't," which doesn't even make any fucking sense at all
While the babies are coloring she starts to pretend that a white crayon is a cigarette and then her mimed smoking provokes one of the twins to say, "bah stuffy"
I think we've only seen her like twice but every time a girl grows boobs or acts slutty or something it's always Kathy Santoni
Bringing the episode to a close, the dog starts eating the desserts off of Joey's ass
that Bai Ling is bilingual
Dai Ling, your Welsh Chinese friend, rook you now
betting Alan Rickman does a really classy Kenneth Williams impression
we're gonna need some more FBI guys I guess
Dai Ling, your Welsh Chinese friend
the hard, the
She also juts her face forward whenever she makes these aggravating statements, like she's just daring you to punch it
DJ worries that Steve's still into his old girlfriend and Becky reassures her that Steve is only into stick in the mud girls who never put out and have corny, overbearing families
I'm not an expert
It also seems feasible to me that Becky would interpret this pregnancy news dinner as Jesse's way of telling her that he knocked up a prostitute or something
you're the medical expert
in nineteen eighty nine, John McClane had been a cop for eleven years
seriously, you should patent the abstract for that and grab the trademark
Tarzan need pill get erection
coining 'Clitix'
think it just an American thing
clitic tribbing
wondering if you have those commercials in the UK too, or if it just an American thing
clitic doubling
genuinely being surprised that 'Clitix' is not a new pharmaceutical for incresing clitoral sensitivity whose commercials bombard your TV during dinner hours, and which you are demanded to 'ask your doctor if Clitix is right for you'
genuinely being surprised that 'clitics' is not a neologism referring to some brand of female centric internet review
The Keanu Reeves guy agrees to go back to school and then everyone on the whole train cheers and then a friendly black fellow plays the graduation march on his saxaphone and then, motherfucker! They have a fake graduation ceremony on the train after all
I figured that these two assholes women advice would be all about how to get them to let you put it in their butt, or how to get them to pay your rent or something
clitics
DJ and Steve enter the scene, and the audience all go "woo!" and "ow!" at the sight of him, which is kind of a new thing
Danny takes Michelle's hand and hurriedly escorts her home before some yard monitor sees how inappropriate their interactions are and calls child services
I honestly can't think of a worse way to spread awareness about the importance of helping the needy than to show a bunch of rich white people sitting around their kitchen talking about it
having impure thoughts about a teenage Kimmie Gibbler
If the station actually was going to switch to classical music, I don't think that they'd expect their DJ's to perform the music with their mouths
Damn, Kimmie Gibbler, your body's hecka slammin'!
telling that girl in seventh grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to take a big disgusting shit
taking the biggest, most disgusting shit
taking a big disgusting shit in the bathroom at church
Stephanie washes her hands after taking a big disgusting shit in the bathroom at the Junior High
I think that this would be a way better show if a gigantic convict played the role of Michelle
humping Sylvia Browne
bottoming for Crotch Personn in MoWang VII
Also, one of the Jennifers is Crotch!
Also, one of the Jennifers is Notch!
Notch
Also, one of the Jennifers is Topanga!
Seriously, this episode is about how Michelle's irrational fear of cryptozoological creatures inhibits Joey's performance at a hockey game
presque vu tante
tongue kissing your aunt
cheeriooooooo, werewolves of London, cheeriooooooooooo
little twitches people can't explain
these urges
early evening
pigs, peccaries, and hippopotamuses
Wrong Way Tanner
Naturally, it's vanilla
Paul Blart vs Superman
there's always blood on the Monday ones
You still wear panties that say Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
Christina Ricci Winona Riding Volunteer
Christina Ricci Colon Riding Volunteer
An American Girl Colon McKenna Shoots for the Stars
how much obscene fanart there is for any Simpsons character
man don't even joke about that
the death of Amy Jo Johnson
Damn, y'all, Stephanie handled more dicks than Samantha on Bewitched!
the loser of elections, the big election loser in the UK
the death of Amy Johnson
Maybe not as much as you'd think that the mother of these kids would be upon seeing them naked in a tub with Danny's gangly, freckled, lizard like body, but she definitely makes some acknowledgement of how creepy and weird what we're seeing is
Watching him on screen for one second is like watching a thousand hours of hardcore gay anal sex
Captain Mutiny
It seems weird to pit bodybuilding middle aged men twins against poetry reading little girl twins and stuff like that
everyone tells him that they're really proud of him because that's what you tell a sorry ass loser when he's trying to achieve some meager pathetic goal
Pseudoruminants
Using a milk frother, gradually whisk small amounts of powdered sugar into melted semen until it reaches a creamy airy consistency
Gazpacho
Vichyssoise
Not only is he sleeping through his very first day at work, but he pawned all of his responsibilities off on Joey, the sorriest piece of shit on Earth
how much obscene fanart there is for Allison Taylor even though she was only in like one episode
FREE INSIDE! ONE JAGGED METAL KRUSTY O!
spilling your turtles
turtles all the way down
Le chat qui detestait les gens
Disembodied mouth and hands repeatedly saying "Mammy, Mammy, Mammy" in the style of Al Jolson
she's old enough to play an adult man's mother in a reboot of a classic series
when asked how he'd managed to protect civil rights leaders given his commitment to nonviolence, Johnson replied, "With my nonviolent thirtyeight special"
I guess, I mean she's got to be like forty by now
wondering if Allison Tailor would date me for my anagram prowess
why would they come to our concert just to boo us
Thighway to the Erogenous Zone
also considered was "Highway to the Erogenous Zone"
bottoming for Kenny Lingus in Red Wings VII
bottoming for Kenny Lingus in Thighway to the Danger Zone VII
having impure thoughts about a teenage Allison Tailor
Garfunkel, Messina, Oates, and Lisa
Janice Dickinson is suing Bill Cosby for defamation
bottoming for Kenny Lingus in Ain't No Messina VII
Kenny Lingus
Cthulunnilingus
loggin' in as Kenny Loggins
Pokemon Loggins and Messina
Pokemon Cunnilingus or Analingus
drawing a picture of Cthulhu and Flying Spaghetti Monster arguing about which is more fun to perform, cunnilingus or analingus
knowing all of Kenny Loggin's passwords for scottishancestry dot com
the METRO RAIL, the
the Bart, the
dead Bart
dead Eiffel Towering
dead reckoning
dead lettering
dead managing
dead agenting
at Waterboo, Napobean did surrender
the Peterboo massacre
Google Maps shits down editing after 'robot peeing' incident
Google Maps shuts down editing after 'I pet Go boner' incident
Google Maps shuts down editing after 'Peter booing' incident
Google Maps shuts down editing after 'robot peeing' incident
drawing a picture of Holly Bobo eating haribo at Hobby Lobby
the death of Holly Bobo
Robert Watang's prick
cornholing Willie Mays not wearing panties
John Connor's all "you could be mine" sextape
in the summertime in the city
bottoming for Raul Prawn in Hardcore PrOn VII
Toonces, the Cat Who Could Drive a Car
saying "say, that's a nice buike"
ogling Raul Prawn
ogling Ron Burrito
ogling Ron Paul
shoddily built malls
John Connor's all "you could be mine" mixtape
you can totally see it
Robert Patrick's wang
Robert Patrick's wank
wondering what causes the disproportionate number of skulls found in the future presented by Terminator Two Colon Judgement Day
despite the heat it'll be all right
summer in the city
not wearing panties masturbating with your cut off hand
her name is Rio and she dances on this hand
Panthro loses pants at Disney On Ice
clefairy windows
clerestory windows
Beast loses pants at Disney On Ice
his name is Kento and he munches on the glans
her name is Rio and she's coarse and rough and irritating
always remembering the songs of Duran Duran in your mind as though sung by Alan Partridge
I'm not aware of too many things, I know what I know, if you know what I mean
spring has gone and summer keeps on coming on
her name is Kips and she dances in the mud
nobody can throw the ball like Catfish can
Everyone gathers together to watch Becky's news show while they eat snacks off of Joey, which is the first time ever that he's actually been useful for something
her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Crimmins
Your Russian Girlfriend Checklist
The deceased wore a blouse, bra, and slacks, but no panties
She said discussions are underway on the future of another Twin Peaks in Harker Heights, Texas, owned by the same "relatively new" franchisee, Peaktastic Beverages, LLC
post traumatic smurf disorder
hesitating, and showing me your intention
broadbeans in your hedgerow
broadbeans in your horizons
broadening your chorizos
drawing a picture of CthreePO and Cookie Monster arguing about which is more fun to perform, cunnilingus or analingus
homogeneous plastic mass
Jesse starts the car up and it begins to shoot oil out of the windshield wipers, which is a very common indication that a car might have something wrong with it
rich, buttery sustenance
seriosu shortcomings
glancing away during the musical montage and consequently having no idea what is going on
Ocean's Canoes
letting me know the wonder
singing Jive Talkin' to a talking chive
Kim Jong un's chariot overturned
Kim Jong Un criticises turtle farm for failing to breed lobsters
Kim Jong Un's iron fist causing backlash
Age of Canoe
Age of Ocean
Michael Flatley
yeah, it's a ballsack zits
yeah, it's a ballroom blitz
I lose Myke Hoole when she steps in the room
electric eyes that you can't ignore
odobene queen
no more love up the bum
no more love on the run
Cetacean's Eleven
that my character from three eight five one two was named Billy Ocean
Batman vs Ocean
never really understanding why Billy Ocean needed to rob all those casinos, what with his music career and all
wondering when we'll get the Ocean's Eight, Nine, and Ten prequels
FOURpiobeing
threepioeating
threepeating
Tilted Kilt Pub & Eatery
The Waco shootout, bike nights and Texas's 'breastaurant' corridor
the whole issue needs to be resolved by the United Nations Comission on Unspeakable Sex Act Nomenclature, or UNCUSAN
how much disagreement there is on rbadncitttioneriay regarding how many many are required to "run a train," with some authors needing only three, and others demanding as many as seven participants to qualify for the term
He and Kathie Santoni, whose titties were mentioned just moments ago, are like the champions of Full House tertiary characters
Kimmie Gibbler comes over and tries to comfort DJ's post breakup status by bringing the entire wrestling team over to railroad her
Being an obnoxious cell phone user is Full House worthy behavior
Becky is a fucking tv talk show host, she does not need to be living like Anne Frank
Pokemon Waffles and Eiffel Towering
the Belgium thing is totally about waffles, though, what else could it be
The representative from Fat Fish Records tells Becky that they want Jesse to tour Asia for an entire year, spreading his terrible covers of songs that weren't even that good in the first place across a once proud land
I wonder why she felt the need to include that last detail when she left the message with Jesse, especially since it immediately convinces Danny that Vicky is about to get gang banged by the Chicago Bears
Google used to think the same thing, and that was before the amazing Regret Index even existed
all the Eiffel Towering references makes it think that you must be near Boston, wicked pissah
Facebook demanding to know if your fake account lives kind of vaguely within a twenty minute drive of where you actually live, or randomly in Stavelot in Belgium or Spencer, Massachusetts
Gentle music plays during an overly long shot of Becky consoling the babies, which plays out extra weird because the babies are clearly unaffected by anything that's going on
holding your left boob until you run down the stairs
I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "prurient" and it had dice in the mirror
wondering if Jaden Smith would star in a sitcom in which he portrays a rich child who is forced to move from his luxurious Malibu home to West Philadelphia after getting in a fight
DJ takes her first step into womanhood by telling Danny that he can suck a fat turd because she's gonna see her hungry wrestling team boyfriend whether he likes it or not
becoming the Randy Praetorian of Rancho Park
becoming the Virginal Duke of Venice
Later, Danny whines to DJ and Stephanie about the pains of being in a long distance relationship, like how his only sexual outlet is having the dog lick peanut butter off his balls
Brazen bear attempts bold break out from zoo enclosure, da Bears
shining flock
clonk fishing
becoming the Prurient Pharaoh of Pacific Palisades
Into the Wild Wild West
Bel Air has no Prince, Bel Air needs no Prince
becoming the Saucy Viscount of Brentwood
how you became the Prince of a town called Bel Air
telling a story, all about how, your life got flipped, turned upside down
strange light shimmering over the sea tonight
They make the Brady Bunch look like the fucking Rat Pack
eating Hulk's mash
Waiters do not order incrementally
Thankfully they kept that shot of Lori Loughlin bending over and showing us her ass, which I'll really miss if they ever get rid of it, unless she's wearing short shorts and grinding her pelvis in the new one or something
Kento "The Overt Homosexuality" Ikeda
His sister is played by his real life sister, who's one of the sisters from Sister, Sister
bench pressing a French press
blackballing Balin
Richard Nixon and Robocop
Patrick Stewart, Elmo and Ian McKellen
scrolling down awesomepeoplehangingouttogether until you get to Kate Middleton and Idris Elba and honestly, it's probably a cliche and she probably has met black people before, but you have to kind of wonder
being born too late for wooing Joan Jett and too early for wooing that girl at the deli whose age you cannot actually discern
The dads calmly explain to her that what she's saying is fucking crazy and her stupid little girl feelings are ridiculous
building a miniature of a city out of apples in Kento's fat ass
building a miniature of a city out of apples in Minneapolis
Kento's fat ass
Kento's front
salting Kento's fatback
Kento's fatback
Muthafuckas step to Oakland get stabbed, son
Jesse sees the babies crawl and that's the end of the Jesse not seeing the babies crawl subplot
Kento's back
Oh, glory be! The overt homosexuality makes a triumphant return!
Michelle's good side dresses like a hippy and tells her not to do bad things and the evil one dresses like Little Steven from the E Street band and acts like a condescending asshole, which isn't really very much different from how Michelle acts
the "poo flinger test"
Michelle bleeds, Vicky and Danny have sex, Michelle learns to ride her stupid bike
it becomes apparent that Danny and Michelle are simulating the tucking in process hours ahead of time since Danny'll be balls deep in Vicky's roofied vagina by the time Michelle's actual bedtime rolls around
So then they take the babies upstairs and the first thing that Jesse does is show his bed to the babies and tell them that this is where he fucks their mom
the "two finger test"
Mrs Icy Yule
just now discovering Ariel Winter and having a feeling that you're going to be having LOTS of impure thoughts soon
it's a little late for SEO
Miley Cyrus
remembering the nineties as a decade in which a woman could become rich and famous in her own right for merely having a famous family and singing and dancing in her underwear
seeing a headline about Janet Jackson having a new tour and honestly thinking she was already dead
Yanni having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Robin, oh bother
Yanni
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Robin, oh bother
having impure thoughts about a teenage crimefighter Robin
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Robin
America's scrod basket
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Lydon
Gloria "Ripples" Brancusi
having impure thoughts about a teenage Christopher Norris
It has a starfish on the fanny, and it comes with its own pail
a game that simulates the impoverished lifestyle of gay porn star Kento Ikeda
a game that simulates the lavish lifestyle of podcaster Chris Lydon
a game that simulates the lavish lifestyle of film director Roman Polanski
wondering who would win in a fight, Hugh Hefner or Stan Lee
you always wondered what it would be like fall asleep while eating a bowl of creamed corn laced with painkillers as a bevy of dimwitted cocktail waitresses work out their daddy issues by dispassionately fellating your pharmaceutically erect penis
A Band Ride Three Men
a game that simulates the lavish lifestyle of magazine mogul Hugh Hefner
Zefram Cochrane
Three Men and a Bride
Hermes Cochran
tamehyphendeed dot com
deadhyphenmeet dot com
digging a gravedater
dating a gravedigger
I missed a lot of what she said because she was jogging in place the whole time and therefore her titties was bouncing, but I'm pretty sure that she offered to fuck Danny
He does impressions
This is my unemployed friend who sleeps in the same hallways as all of my young daughters
tearing up tearing yourself masturbating
tearing yourself masturbating
seeing a tshirt emblazoned with the words WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT and thinking 'tearfully masturbating'
Sometimes this show feels like a Franz Kafka story that's based off of a Norman Rockwell painting, except without any of the thought or craft
Ford, America's anal wig
Florida, America's wang
Florida Landscaper Deliberately Drove Riding Mower Over Large Group Of Ducklings
Teddy insists that Michelle play the role of the mommy and Michelle says she doesn't know how to because her mom's a rotting corpse
Tuscaloosecannons
I was wondering what was in your britches
Stephanie's teacher gives her permission to escort Michelle back to class, which is very likely a ploy to get these two loud mouthed broads out of his classroom for a few minutes so he can finally do his fucking job
American No Place Like Home, No Homo
American No Place Like Home
Korean Full House
Armenian Full House
just reach around
they couldn't be reached
they couldn
you forgot the Olsen twins
drawing a picture of John Stamos, Denver Pyle, Dave Coulier, Matt LeBlanc, Bob Saget, Danny Thomas, Candace Cameron, and Michael Fishman in an elaborate sexual act involving braiding, multiple chariots, and a number of towers of various sizes and shapes
currant affairs
raisin awareness
when life gives you potatoes, you make potato salad and I've got just the recipe
As awkward as it is to watch a bunch of little girls gyrating around for several minutes in those totally inappropriate outfits, it's not nearly as uncomfortable as watching the cast clap their hands and bob their heads to a Boyz II Men song
So then DJ comes over and gives Stephanie counseling about boys while a whole bunch of other kids' families sit in the bleachers wishing that they didn't live in the same school district as the fucking Tanner family
teens is OK because often by twenty, seven women look shrivelled
teens is OK because often by twenty seven women look shrivelled
Roman Politburo
Romanov Polanski
no wait, shit
Russian Polanski
Russia's top childrens' rights official says older men marrying teens is OK because often by twenty seven women look shrivelled
As Joey tries to process this series of misfortunes, Danny tells him that he's been fired by Ranger Roy
He totally ignores his wife's moist vagina by staring off into the distance and singing a slow, sad rendition of the teddy bear song he used to sing to Michelle
people saying you're the life of the party, 'cause you tell a joke or two
Rebecca Donaldson's like, "sucka, this pussy is the greatest adventure you are ever gonna have" and then they make up
when ur eating pussy and your mouth is full
Joey's butthole was just too inviting
when ur eating cookies and your mouth is full
shooting CC Peniston in the Jap's eye with BB King when you were a kid
Full House, at its essence, is pretty much a cruel stereotyped rendition of white people, so it only makes sense that the corniest, white breadiest family of all time would eventually engage in the crackerest activity known to cracker ass crackers
CC Peniston mourns
the death of BB King
that's still pretty impressive
Ten Inch Jar Jar Binks
Stephanie comes home with her new glasses and is all bummed out because she looks like a dogs asshole
DJ coerces him to stick around by offering him some hamburgers, and the episode ends with her giving him a handjob under the picnic table
Tiny Tiger Mandingo
Tiger Mandingo
it was OK, could have been two inches shorter at the end without losing anything
it was OK, could have been ten minutes shorter at the end without losing anything
Darth Duck
Darth Dick
Big Giant Dick, Jedi Knight
Tiny Heroin Shriveled Dick Geldof
Big Giant Dick Geldof
Big Giant Dick Head Geldof
the Dick Head wants to know why we fall
He eventually confessed to being Dick's father, at which point, Harry stated that if Dick was going to take over The Big Giant Head, his name would be Dick Head
the Big Giant Head wants to know why we fall
Michael Caine as the Big Giant Head
that you liked Interstellar and you hate Christopher Nolan, so there's that
if Christopher Nolan's next movie isn't an adaptation of Third Rock from the Sun he's just fucking kidding himself because that's totally what he wants to do
still feeling very let down by Inception even years later
I was flying experimental aircraft way before anybody pointed out that drones already do all of that with no human pilot onboard
starting to watch Interstellar and really wanting to just slap Christopher Nolan for that opening silence and irritating tone coming out of it over the opening credits
He ended the show by stuffing HHH in the trunk of his rental car, and leaving with the final words of "now I'm going to screw you"
HHH laugh at will by his actions
Katie Vick
tiki horsemen
wiki horsemen
wii horsemen
Homer's ween
wee horsemen
sheer women
we horsemen
feeling bemusement at seeing advertisements for horsemen escaping through the casement from Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
whore semen
horsemen escaping through the casement from Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
horsemen
escaping through the casement from Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
there's no debasement without semen
being invited to Roman Polanski's Amusement Basement
there's no amusement without semen
you can't spell basement without semen
getting autism from that vaccine
they're saying it's the last harvest for okra, ever
Kimmie Gibbler welcomes Jesse's confession of love, and doesn't consider for a second that it is a crime
watching the Tanks for Nothing spinoff, For All Intents and Porpoises
Asian Lever
Gay Lever
pulling Fat Lever's groin
pulling Fat Lever
Fat Lever
Australian authorities threaten to put Johnny Depp's dingos down, crikey
Shaq Fu Colon A Legend Reborn
filling the john with shit faster than John Moschitta
John Moschitta
Australian authorities threaten to put Johnny Depp's dogs down
how serene your friends and fiends
taking the long way home
he blows the wrong whistle and they are attacked by skeletons on horseback
Turkish Star Wars delight, on a moonlit night
Turkish delight, on a moonlit night
I guess it is a quarter to three
licking tahini off of Mr Snuffleupagus' erect trunk
liking tahini off of Mr Snuffleupagus' erect trunk
blowing Ms Shits, eek
blowing them kisses
waving to the people
it's that boy who laughs at everyone
J'ai tout surmonta la tete baissee
maybe you should have informed the authorities
that you aways suspected Oscar the Grouch was Jewish
wondering if Big Bird ever mistakes his bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis for an actual worm and tries to eat it
i imgur com onefivesixfiveOYE jpg
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Mr Hooper's death as a result of telling Snuffy his hoes had to stop hanging around outside Hooper's store
Katy Perry's appearance on Sesame Street being the basis for her inclusion in so much pornographic Sesame Street fanart
Snuffy was finally introduced to the main human cast mainly due to a string of high profile and sometimes graphic stories of pedophilia and sexual abuse of children
that Aloysius Snuffleupagus is a total pimp name
sesame streetwalkers
or roofie them
taking solace in the fact that even Cookie "Pussy Monster" Monster couldn't talk his costars into group sex
there was that night at Bert and Ernie's where you got trashed on jaeger bombs and woke up in Oscar's trash can with "call me" written in lipstick on your ass
that you'll never have a four way with Prairie Dawn, Rosie, and Granny Bird from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same
'I Will Double Slit Your Photons' Gambian Science Minister to Electromagnetic Spectrum
you'll never even get to watch while they have a threesome
that you'll never have a four way with Linda, Gina, and Maria from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same
sesame street pussies
sesame street cookies
pigeon street coronation
coronation street chicken
'I Will Slit Your Throat Colon' Gambian President to Gay Men
coronation chicken
Even on Full House, pussy is magic, and therefore it is true of all places
Stephanie is hesitant to heed his words because he's a stranger that won't get out of her room
Moody's drops Chicago's junk rating to 'it's cold in here'
Moody's drops Chicago's junk rating to 'I have a headache'
a lifetime of Kento's shit
The title of this episode comes from the special name the dads have for when they rub their anuses together
Female Semen Vibe Array
Beaver Female Seminary
a lifetime on Kento's ship
I' going to get laid this weekend, if not sooner, the Emperor, Haile Selassie, Jah Rastafari
a lifetime on Kento's hips
a moment on Kento's lips, a lifetime on Kento's hips
Kento's hips
Moody's drops Chicago's credit rating to 'junk'
I' going to get laid this weekend, if not sooner
being secure in your sexuality inasmuch as you think you'll probably never get laid again so it's all just bullshitting to you
how quickly quickies turn really, really gay here
quickly
how quicky things turn really, really gay here
licking ganache off of Kevin Nash's erect penis
eating ganache off Kevin Nash
eating ganache with Kevin Nash
Kentomon Digivolves
wondering what Digimon has to do with furries
just honestly not getting furries or digimon or any of that
Kentomon charges at the opponent at full speed with his jaws,concentrating electricity on them
As they're "making up," Rusty barges in and shouts, "tongue town USA!" which is the most vulgar statement I think I've ever heard uttered on a sitcom
Anyway, DJ discovers Penis stashed in Michelle's room and makes her give him back
Danny refuses to believe that someone so terrible could come out of such a top notch vagina but then he discovers that Rusty switched his shampoo with green hair dye
you'd think that even having to have a discussion about why you don't want to have your wedding at Graceland would be enough to make you realize that the guy you're going to get married to is a big piece of shit
Michelle comes in the room and tells Stephanie that she sucks dick at playing the recorder
shaving some nice greasy meat and being willing to shove it
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to shove it you and me babe, how 'bout it
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to shove it
you and me babe, how 'bout it
growing impatient for a love to call your own
your baby's high in the stratosphere, you're so low 'cause we all float down here
your baby's high in the stratosphere, you're so low 'cause you're down here
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to shave it
having some nice greasy meat and being willing to share it
dildoos
kangaroos
didgeridoos
it's not my time to wonder why
You can get salmonella from turtles, butt drinking OJ doesn't make it better
peeing daily
peeing freely
Pokemon Gin and Tonic
having an intense craving for some nice greasy meat
six three nine nine four making you laugh out loud
Obama Castro handshake and same sex marriage date set
Asia stains son
assassination
Bug Bed
Bat Bugs
Bat Bed
jerked salmon
salmon jerky
dried smoked salmon
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" that smoking cannabis dries out your vagina
that's not where you're supposed to put it
Smoking cannabis 'dries out your vagina'
to pre empt your next question, yes, our civic lighting runs on boot polish
A lord was caught three times over the drink drive limit with his face smeared in boot polish after crashing into a lamppost
Ed Balls taking it on the chin
waxing lyrical about Ed Balls
giving Ed Balls a Brazilian
shaving Ed Balls
her dominant's partner's penis with corn husk, and subsequently
exhaling onto it as if steaming a corn husked tamale
Armenian Idol being voted off Armenian Idol
Swan Conjugals
American Idol being voted off American Idol
Swan Madrigals
simulatng the taste of cress salad by just putting mayonnaise and mustard on the bread
simulatng the taste of egg salad by just putting mayonnaise and mustard on the bread
Swan Madras
swans are like feet, the more you talk about them in public the more people think you want to have sex with them
moms are like feet, the more you talk about them in public the more people think you want to have sex with them
fighting fire fighting type pokemon with fire fighting type pokemon
fighting fire with fire
Swan Madol
Nan Madol
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to drink the corn syrup
drinking the corn syrup in Sexico
The spicy and delicious dong of a sexican
A sexual favor that involves a recessive partner wrapping his or her dominant's partner's penis with corn husk, and subsequently exhaling onto it as if steaming a corn husked tamale
the film will star real tamale actors, and may even have tamale members of the crew, including possibly a tamale director
the film will star real Joe Camel actors, and may even have Joe Camel members of the crew, including possibly a Joe Camel director
the film will star real shemale actors, and may even have shemale members of the crew, including possibly a shemale director
the film will star real female actors, and may even have female members of the crew, including possibly a female director
Penises! From Dunland!
breeding ericaceous bananas with Eric Bana
wetrest
endland penises swing like a pendulum do
high fructose corn semen
bottoming for Pure Beef Patty in Life O'Railin' VII
Pure Beef Patty
death don't have no mercy in this sand
mostly amino acids, citrate, enzymes, flavins, fructose, phosphorylcholine, prostaglandins, proteins, and vitamin C
wondering what's in the Teen sauce
white ravens
Pure beef patty, A&W seasoning, sesame seed bun, lettuce, tomato, bacon, processed cheddar cheese, Teen sauce, ketchup, mustard, pickles, sliced onion
A&W Canada, eh
chicken category
shitting Splenda on trains
moving towards higher quality menu items and expanding their chicken category
A&O
A&W
R&AW
wetwork if you can get it, and if you get it, wetwork
wetplay
garycoleslaw
coleslaw
splitting Shania in twain
being killed by a tree
wetwork
walking on endland penises, see what they can do
death don't have no mercy in this land
glaciers melting in the dead of night
someday
pushing the pineapple
shaking the tree
rocking the boat
drying a river and crowning the whole world
crying a river and drowning the whole world, a bloo bloo bloo
walking on pins and needles, see what they can do
weaving a truss of sand and spinning a sand rope to bind it with
crying a river and drowning the whole world
snort mates have abandoned ship, eh
the smart ones have abandoned ship
Infants' brain responses to speech suggest analysis by synthesis
beating off inside your eyes like open doors
beating off inside yourself
beating off beside yourself
being beneath yourself
eating beside yourself
being beside yourself
I slept next to a naked dick last night because I got Eiffel Towered
I slept next to a naked duck last night because I got laid
I slept next to a naked chick last night because I got laid
getting into bed naked, thinking "I don't sleep naked!", getting out and finding some pajamas to wear as though anybody would ever know or care or it even really matters to you
Babby Road
what the fuck is Fred Savage doing here
that's deep semen
that's deep, man
when everything's semen, nothing is
eating that whole thing of semen and shitting the sheets
shitting the sheets with your semen
with your semen
bursting the mess and shitting the sheets
missing the bust and hitting the sheets
missing the bust
meeting your bus for dinner tonight for the first time in a month with some first rate cunt lapping for dessert
texting the bus every minute you're apart
messing the bus
missing the bus
drawing a picture of Christopher Cross, Kris Kross, and Kris Kristofferson crossing their penises together
being sucked up
being blowed up
dropping Balls
being exceedingly unlikely to have either
not having either
having your job on your baby
When Niall Brady casts his vote today in the British general election, he has his job on his mind, and his baby
finding out without exaggeration that you're not going to get the opportunity to earn enough to even go on dates for at least another five years because you now exist solely to service the debts of others
meating your girlfriend for dinner tonight for the first time in a month with some first rate cunt lapping for dessert
meeting your girlfriend for dinner tonight for the first time in a month with some first rate cunt lapping for dessert
Pokemon Jewel
Pokemon Hall and Oates
Pokemon Morley and Outwood
balling Ed Meats
meeting Ed Balls to eat meatballs at the Met Ball
wanting to sign up for the UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television class on German art house cinema, "Kuntz on Kunst"
UCLA visiting professor of film and television Jonathan Kuntz
we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life
slamming your dick in the communal laundry room
building a mink raft in Minecraft
Wolfman Colon Florida license mistakenly labeled me a sex offender
Woman Colon Florida license mistakenly labeled me a sex offender
bottoming for Tim Duncan and a tapir in Rape White Onions II
drawing a picture of an onion being Eiffel Towered by Tim Duncan and a tapir
Playing Onions & Tapirs with Tim Duncan
Pokemon Candace Cameron and Michael Fishman
Pokemon Hymns Jeer TV and Le Sand Poo
Pokemon Tapir and Onions
Pokemon John Stamos and Denver Pyle
Pokemon Macaroni and Cheese
Pokemon Titties and Butts
suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless
cyw iar wedi'i ffrio
you wish
doing your illegal exercises and getting cock
doing your illegal exercises and getting caught
not doing your illegal exercises
Court records list Mudd's employer as a pediatrics care practice
seriously, just fuck the whole state of Florida until it dies
Florida Couple Accused of Giving Kids Drugs as 'Bargaining Tool'
sperme a la blanche neige
sperme a la neige
oeufs a la neige
putting margerine on macaroni and cheese
putting meringue on macaroni and cheese
putting merengue on macaroni and cheese
World Tapir Day
not doing your legal exercises
Titties vs butts is a struggle that has torn apart better men than Uncle Jesse
It really made me wanna do a bunch of cocaine and then contract an STD, all while gambling
putting salsa on macaroni and cheese
Janitor gets six years prison for sexually assaulting special ed student Vladimir Spiridonovitch Poutine
Janitor gets six years prison for sexually assaulting special ed student
Vladimir Spiridonovitch Poutine
Vladimir Poutine
not doing your kegger exercises
not doing your kegel exercises
Rape Two White Onions
janitor penetration
Operation Snow White
The Great Gatsby Is One Of The Greatest Movies Of All Time, Coachella
future head of the Church of Scientology, Jaden Smith
Ill Never Forget The Blogs That Believed In Me Since The Begging
Reading My Book I Uttered "I Turned Fifteen Long Ago"
There Is No Nutrients In Our Food Anymore Or In Our Soil OR IN OUR WATER
The amusement park of the future where nothing can possiblie go wrong
this site is kind of weirdly specific
Os
Mos
Imos
Timos
Ntimos
Antimos
Pantimos
this site is kind of weird
masturbating Mel Gibson for Nazi gold
I made a lot of money doing it, but Mel Gibson's language gets even more violent the closer he gets to orgasm
masturbating on webcam for Nazi gold
Nazi gold
masturbating on webcam for streisand
masturbating on webcam for kristofferson
masturbating on webcam for sampras
masturbating on webcam for cash
Uncle Traveling Myke
spooning Boober
Patrick Warburton's swinging penis trappists
drawing a picture of Mokey and Red scissoring while Doozers try to ignore them
being fraggle SCISSORED
being fraggle rocked
being fraggled
being fragged
Patrick Warburton's penis swings like a pendulum do
Patrick Warburton's swinging penis
no longer being able to say that you have never seen a gif of Patrick Warburton's swinging penis
trappists
Assault With a Deadly Duck
it's not even Monday
more piss, more piss
promises, promises
that you will be performing cunnilingus within forty eight hours
the Masonic Distaff Police Department
the Masonic Identical Police Department
the Masonic Fraternal Police Department
in the Eiffel tower in Boston, Massachusetts
lateral glide
illegal trade
on the Eiffel tower in Paris, France
a water bottle with a yellow crested cockatoo put inside you for illegal trade
being a total Milhouse, except without anything coming up you
my arteries are clogged with yellow gold
Technician David Kalic cleans one of the sodium golden light bulbs on the Eiffel tower in Paris, France
a water bottle with a yellow crested cockatoo put inside for illegal trade
vapists
blood in his body
vaping
Assault With a Deadly Dick
Bono and Utwo set as sole guests on Friday's 'Tonight Show'
Myke Teavee
confusing Fairuza Balk and Veruca Salt
one unusual fact about Myke Hawke, he has a vast amount of blood in his body
one unusual fact about Michael Ball, he has a vast amount of blood in his body
having my twelve year old boner ejaculating down Michael Jackson's throat
calling a fly with one wing a fling
feeling a kind of distracting ennui about everything lately, like when you're enjoying something you're watching but you flip over to see what else is on
We haven't started working on a script yet, but we are talking about it
lookin' for someone who's not make believe
hey guys, remember internet shrines
having my twelve year old boner ejaculating down your throat
having the twenty first century ejaculating in your hair contrary to its promises
having the twenty first century ejaculating down your throat
having the twenty first century ejaculating down your dick
having the twenty first century breathing down your dick
having the twenty first century breathing down your neck
having a boner for twelve years
even my twelve year old boner
drawing a picture of Wilson masturbating behind Tim Allen's fence as he watches Pamela Anderson audition for Home Improvement
wonderin if Pamela Anderson had to fuck Tim Allen to get the part on Home Improvement
I can't argue with that
the creepy porn star lips coupled with her bimbo voice just killed even my twelve year old boner
Pamela Anderson was gross
being really into Erika Eleniak for some reason
having never actually seen Baywatch, but remembering you had a TV Guide with her picture in it that was your best friend for a couple of months
only knowing the name Yasmine Bleeth because of that F#R#I#E#N#D#S# episode where Chandler says "Yasmeeen Blith" a couple times
David Snave
believing that the first thing you masturbated to on the internet was Yasmine Bleeth
not even remembering the name
watching kind of a lot of Baywatch as a horny teen, or so you thought, but not remembering Nicole Eggert at all
putting Eddie in charge of your evenings and weekends
if I stumble on a regret that has like seven or eight votes on it and a perfect zero or one rating, I will sometimes vote until it makes the list, but I don't supervote
Skynet begins to learn at a geometric rate
to be honest I thought you were doing it
something seems to randomly supervote regrets up or down periodically
walking around rent free
putting Charles in charge of your days and your nights
regardless, it definitely deserves to be there
wondering if "humping Jewel's bust" is a new bottom regret or if you just don't pay enough attention to it
humping Jewel's bust until she had a breastgasm
And even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you, honey
that mango
that meringue
that mange
that manege
that menage
tht menage
Trying to have sex while flaccid
A game in which children stand in a row, joining hands, and in which the outer one, still holding his neighbour, runs between the others
Last night, I caught Garey threading the needle of some homeless guy in the park
Last night, I caught Gary threading the needle of some homeless guy in the park
When you sleep in your boxers and in the middle of the night your woodie works its way through the little hole in your chonies
Ejaculating into the end of someone else's penis
Thread Flintstone
threading the needle
hilariously finding printers the most frustratingly pisspoor user experience in all of computing
seriously finding printers the most frustratingly pisspoor user experience in all of computing
having a scanner that won't scan to a USB stick because it doesn't have a USB port, has no option to discover computers to send files to wirelessly despite being wireless, and is basically just a glorified photocopier
Hot Kids for Pedophobes
Hot Dogs for Homophobes
If Singapore says relax, relax, don't do it, when you want to go to it
if Singapore is telling you to relax, you should probably relax
A study by the National University of Singapore entitled Impact of Cyberloafing on Psychological Engagement concluded that using the internet for personal use served the same purpose as a coffee break and helped workers concentrate and stay engaged
goldbricking
"crab head gift"
"crib hid gift"
"frigid bitch"
Dot Warner Panties Voice Feet Geldof
Pricess Sofia Cesarean Birth Geldof
if people concerned themselves with where sperm came from they never would have eaten them
if people concerned themselves with where eggs came from they never would have eaten them
"The cleaning lady here at the embassy has a huge ass," he said, "frigid bitch"
"Disclosure is my business," he said, "but we don't deal in gossip"
being a bad driver
that when you put Dot Warner in the search field, Google autosuggests, in order, 'panties', 'voice', and 'feet'
Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third
spreading Dijon mustard on the ceiling with Celine Dion
Pricess Sofia Cesarean Birth
sucking her left one until she had a hump
bottoming for Father Time in Meaty Bodies VII
thinking Jennifer Lopez got fat, then remembering that humans age because of their meaty bodies and the effects of linear time, then realizing you were looking at a picture of Kim Kardashian
Robert Downey, Jr's growing resemblance to Woody Allen
donating your hedgerow bustle to the Met Costume Institute
if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, seek medical attention immediately
there are two paths you can go by
During their years of running the school theatre and producing plays, a body of knowledge was formed about acting, theater production, and costume, set and stage design
hey dol! merry dol! suck my dick dillo!
Tom Walrus
kind of looking forward to fat gay Asian Tom Cruise
kind of looking forward to old fat Tom Cruise
pretty much like watching any Jack Nicolson movie made after the mid nineteen eighties
imagining what it will be like to watch movies in which eighteen year old actresses are cast as a then seventy year old Tom Cruise's love interests per his demands
wondering why they remade Groundhog Day as a gritty dystopian sci fi war film instead of a comedy, but then finding that Edge of Tomorrow is indeed a comedy
Chicago Cubs randomly congratulate the royal family on new baby, da teddybears
Chicago Cubs randomly congratulate the royal family on new baby
New Vaginatown
Pizdagrad
Pueblo Cajeta
Pussiopolis
Manko cho
Cookietown
Chattesville
Fotzeburg
Maidenhead Revisited
Vaginatown
Maidenhead
round or skinny bottomed girls barely contributing at all to this planet's rotation
Nicholas Pocock
round or skinny bottoms
give us Black Dick and we fear nothing
Fleet Admiral Richard "Black Dick" Howe
Red Handed Dick
wondering what we do if Kento's dad like googles himself or has us drawn to his attention one day and starts coming around here being fatherly and such
humping Go Ikeda's bust
when copying files takes so long you can actually go make a hot drink and come back and start drinking it before the job is done
Procopio
odobenoarachnopyronecrocoprophilia
Collie Flower
arachnopyronecrocoprophilia
Broc Collie
Lucy Beaumont
pyronecrocoprophilia
necrocoprophilia
once you go Go Ikeda's fist, you, dammit, I totally had something for this
you've introduced me to a whole new world of butt games
making Sylvia Browne a hot browne sandwich for her deathday
browning Sylvia Browne's breasts
going Go Ikeda's fist
guavas
peppering Brian Peppers' brain
canning Raymond Burr's cans
buttering Raymond Burr's buns
butterbur
pestilence
the picture of L Ron Hubbard on Wikipedia's Church of Scientology page looking like he's pushing a mess
having sex with a girl in second grade who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
The first guy is a big scary raper and the second guy is Anthony Kiedis, who immediately tells you, "what I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss you"
Charlotte Elizabeth Diana Geldof
he was such a jackass he didn't know how to open his own safe
they get it at this great place in San Francisco called, "Chicken"
DJ says that that she tries to focus less on the fact that their mother is a festering pile of maggot infested flesh and more on the fact that they have three idiotic dads who love them
At this point in his monologue, Martin begins a commentary on what he considers the decline in standards of feminine hygiene in this country
Tinkerer Tailorer Soldierer Spider
I got a bad desire
hey little girl is your daddy home, did he go and leave you all alone
being raped by someone who's on fire
Spider Man II Colon Spiharder
Spider Kids
The Spider Who Came In From the Cold
The Spider Who Loved Me
Totally Spiders
Joey and Danny are put in a prison cell where they try to think of a way to maintain their masculinity while being anally raped with a dress on
Jean Luc Coulier
Luc Coulier
don't ironically mock people's behavior when they're doing something they shouldn't be because someone else might see you and think that you're doing what you're mocking those people for doing
drawing a picture of Dave Coulier knocking up Jayne Modean on the set of Full House
The first guy is a big scary raper and the second guy is Danny Tanner, who immediately tells you, "there is nothing you could ever do that would make me stop hugging and kissing you"
grown up Kimmie Gibbler comes in and there's a gag about how bad all the Dads wanna fuck her because she grew up to be hella fine
For some reason Danny becomes a stereotypical East Coast Jew in his old age
attempting to smash a watermelon with your erect seven pound silicone lump hammer
attempting to smash a watermelon with your erect penis
Withpenis and I
shopping around with penis
The current repair operation cannot be cancelled
he could start shitting his pants all the time and walking around with shitty pants
the story of how scared she was during her first kiss, which is so corny and boring that it causes the music to come on
DJ says goodbye to all her guests as her party wraps up and manages to clear the air with Kimmie Gibbler before she leaves to go get finger banged in a public park by Jake Bitterman
Finally, there's a boy band for older, hairy gay men
that is, hairy gay men
Bearforce One
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina, except in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake where you never know what you're gonna get
fisting Go Ikeda so far that you turn into a ventriloquist act
TRIPLE fisting Go Ikeda
double fisting Go Ikeda
hamboning
shopping around for penis
shopping for penis
chopping a penis
boys have a penis, get to the chopper
thanks for the tip
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina
A spokesperson for the Daily Mail said the UK's newest princess was 'beach body ready' as she 'flaunted her curves' in a blanket
A spokesperson for the British royals, reflecting on the utter meaninglessness of the inane information he was tasked to deliver to the press, ended his life today with a single bullet to the temple
A spokesperson for the British royals said the UK's newest princess would meet her aunt Pippa Middleton and her grandmother Carol Middleton on Sunday
Pmaws eht Niard
draining the swamp
Yvan eht Nioj
seeing someone who bruised his willies one time, it was very sad
bruising willies with Bruce Willis
Jason Voorhees on Mental Health Rumors
reticulating splines with Chris Pine
crippling spines with Chris Pine
Lark Voorhies on Mental Health Rumors
She says that even though he's borderline retarded, can't nobody bang her walls like him and then the music comes on and then they make out
This bizarre subplot about Danny abusing this poor, wafer thin androgynous woman only further supports the self loathing queer theme of the episode
causing bloat in the girlfriends of smugglers and being filled with fried gluten
herding nerfs
The Most Disturbing Images To Come Out of the Full House
checkmate, medical science
drinking water and peeing constantly to avoid gout
you're going to get gout
going to the store and coming back with all the pork butts, asparagus and crappie they had
eating the bootylike groceries
daring to keep all your dreams alive
being the booty like groceries
eating the booty like groceries
it makes its way in the world today or else it gets the beer again
bottoming for Dickson Poon in Dickson Poon's Dick's in Poon VII
dicks in poon
Myke Hawke is a graduate of the Dickson Poon School of Law
scorpion kid son
disco ink pornos
the Dickson Poon School of Law, cheerio
onions dick pros
he tells the girls about Stacey's mom's hot pussy and how he totally tore that shit up
Dickson Concepts
the Dickson Poon School of Law
Sir Dickson Poon
standing by your earlier position that the story is done for you
just kind of going "oh, that"
googling what that be
not knowing what that be
just now learning about the Star Wars Colon Anthology Trilogy
quickly chasing up cured pork products for Jason Statham
getting a call from a number you don't know at two thirty in the morning and just kind of assuming it's Gary
how gigantic her ass has gotten as she's aged
Then DJ and her friends tell the younger kids that they wanna talk about guys' dick sizes so they'd better split but then Stephanie's like, whatever, y'all, I got two men all up on my jammy
I guess the universe that Full House takes place in is one devoid of vaginal mucous
Lmao, okay you fucking stupid bitch full house is a show that is wholesome and appropriate for families that can sit together and enjoy themselves
What's weirdest about it is if you think about how hard it is to get a baby to act out a scene successfully and realize that those guys were probably sitting on that set kissing that baby all fucking day, under hot lights, on a regular basis
So DJ tries to slip out of the house but Danny sees her and is all, how you bout to leave my house dressed like a cheap ass hoe
get lost all of u becky and jesse are the best couple on tv i love them togther full house is amazing u sad people just dissing it coz u have nothing better to do get a life bitches
He looks like a naive art sculpture of Joe Piscopo made from old tires
The Dads all gather around to stare at Michelle and Howie, all tuckered out, postcoitus
he tells the girls about Gia's mom's hot pussy and how he totally tore that shit up
Once you've had Jesse inside of your butthole, a little piece of him stays there forever
Just so long as they don't interrupt all the nasty ass fucking that will be taking place downstairs
Pokemon Lewd and Lascivious
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "lewd and lascivious" to kiss you
fucking Florida, seriously
Florida police last week investigated whether a kill exchanged by seven year old elementary students amounted to "lewd and lascivious" behavior
Florida police last week investigated whether a kiss exchanged by seven year old elementary students amounted to "lewd and lascivious" behavior
she peed in through the bathroom window
The Beatle's Butt changes lyrics of Beatles songs to celebrate butts
whisper words of wisdom, let it pee
Finally, he calls Joey to kiss his weiner for him while he pees Paul McCartney
Finally, he calls Joey to thrill his weiner for him while he pees
Finally, he calls Joey to hold his weiner for him while he pees Paul McCartney
The baby's shit brings everyone together
Finally, he calls Joey to hold his weiner for him while he pees
Paul McCartney
This beatle's butt is basically a machine gun
This beetle's butt is basically a machine gun
Jennifer AIDS in Rape
Jennifer in Paradise
making a Hot Brown sandwich with Rebecca de Mornay
Rebecca De Mornay sauce
Mornay sauce
A knock at the door reveals some cheap hoe who's come over to bang Uncle Jesse
Saved by the Bell Quote of the Day
Full House Reviewed
the perfect beer for removing 'no' from your vocabulary for the night
holding two mothballs with Timothy Spall
peeholing Sylvia Batteries
Boneparcels of Khorne
Bloodletters of Khawke
Homeopaths of Khorne
holes for the hole god, corn for the corn throne
Bloodletters of Khorne cornholing Sylvia Browne
Bloodletters of Khorne
cornholing Sylvia Browne
cellist pee stick
testicle pickles
you might be Master Splinter
if you tried to have sex with a tree, you'd be Thor too
One man ran naked through a Florida neighborhood, tried to have sex with a tree and told police he was the real god Thor
that 'Hey Guys, Remember Erections and Being Physically Attractive to Young Women" just isn't a great clickbait title
drawing a picture of Judge Reinhold masturbating while spying on Phoebe Cates shopping for support hose
the title of loudest lovemakers in New York, I'm humpin' here
the title of loudest lovemakers in New York
having impure thoughts about a forty or fifty something Winona Rider
The Horniest Teens of the Eighties are All Forty or Fifty Something Now
The Horniest Teens of the Eighties
One man ran naked through a Florida neighborhood, tried to have sex with a tree and told police he was the mythical god Thor
Bernie Clifton Says He is Running for President, Announces Resignation from Job as Zoo Keeper
#minitiaramanorgy
#swanemperormotelpun
#amplerteenrumpswoon
#realmensupportwomen
FLCL
stalagmites
Bernie Sanders Says He is Running for President, Announces Resignation from Job as Crypt Keeper
brushie brushie
brushed metal
Janeway states that their cunt story has disrupted the time loop, bah
Janeway states that their tachyon burst has disrupted the time loop
eventually you'll come into my matrix, and you'll nourish me for a long, long time
it's taco pus, ouch
it's cactus photo
it's such a cop out
letting the bottom drop out
Pokemon Parts and Labor
Pokemon Bart and Milhouse
poor Mailhouse
Pokemon Bret and Keanu
everything's coming up Mailhouse
committing mail fraud with Rob Mailhouse
Drummer Rob Mailhouse's basement studio still hosts secret jams with Bret and Keanu
Turkish Dogstar Wars
studs playing Studs & Beatdowns with Tim Duncan
Dogstar
the giant sucking sound
spooning Bruce Jenner's boobs
June Sarpong's Monkey Donkey Question Time
Kunis's vaginal drippings to make Black Swan Sauce
golden cayenne peppers what you actually put in it
Dorothy Perkins!
Top Man!
Randy Boehning
the wettest bad dog you can ever think of
the best wet dog you can ever think of
the worst wet dog you can ever think of
a woman's reaction to being denied a cigarette by a man at a gas station in Jerusalem
disinterring George Eliot's corspe and fucking the eyholes of her skull in order to violate her like she violated young trannies
George Eliot
wondering if there is a pornstar called Transsexual Eliot
stds
studs
as cool as it was to see a real life old man beating off two young studs
playing Studs & Beatdowns with Tim Duncan
Alibaba's Ma says freezing hiring after growing 'too quickly'
as cool as it was to see a real life old man beating up two young studs
something something Family Guy something cock ordeal something Black Swan Sauce
wondering where you managed to get a hold of enough of Mila Kunis's vaginal drippings to make Black Swan Sauce
not actually writing Black Swan Sauce on the label instead of 'Hot sauce'
finding the last of the Black Swan Sauce you made a few years back, discovering that despite going from golden yellow to deep brown while sealed it is delicious, and having no clue other than golden cayenne peppers what you actually put in it
Transformers Generation
I enjoy your company
thinking all of this shit for over fifteen years
rationally knowing all of the realistic stuff about your depression, and still feeling all the shitty unrealistic stuff
scarier than thinking that no one has ever loved you is thinking that you're responsible for your own lonliness
Maru is licked by Hana for a long time
Japanese four lined ratsnakes
Twats Cornholing Teabagging Fisting Geldof
Space Cowboy Peaches Geldof
Maurice Geldof
Puppetutes Pompatus, Jedi Knight
Bruce Jenner Shown Golfing With Twats On Docuseries
Bruce Jenner Shown Golfing With Turtles On Docuseries
Bruce Jenner Shown Golfing With Breasts On Docuseries
blueberries are ten percent fructose
wondering why you don't see blueberries in sour or savory dishes much
I'm not sure I understand the mechanics of that one
shutting down the garbage smasher on her detention level
Raw Rude Fifer I
firewire fraud
discussing the puppetutes of love
speaking of the pompatus of love
haecceity
the mereological fallacy
if I could still bend that way I'd be able to make a lot of money on the internet, signed Michael Egan
high intensity discharge
if I could still bend that way I'd be able to make a lot of money on the internet
technically that's not even gay
listen, when that decade began I was pretty flexible and I was a growing boy
for ten whole years
I was young, I experimented with some things, it's in the past now
The Gay Nineties
The Fursuit of a Penis
The Fursuit of Happyness
the skeletal revolution will not be televised
being the epitome of a primo tricheco
wanting to make Kento an insertion aria for his birthday
being the epitome of a primo uomo
being the lube tome of a prima donna
being the epitome of a prima donna
Seven Pounds of Silicone
Seven Inches
Bitch
Six Inches of Dilation
I, Hand Job Robot
Nad Boys
I Am Lengthened
The Legend of Teabagger Vance
Handcock
Men in Back
The Pursuit of a Penis
The Pursuit of Happyness
enter slowpoke
my DJ revolves it
skeleton power
you've been over sometimes to my house
he'll solve it
the icy blue glint in her eyes when she fills her choux with cream Kento's gravitas
the icy blue glint in her eyes when she fills her choux with cream
Kento's gravitas
the almost magnetic attraction Kento's anus has to the cocks of walruses and walrus like beings
wondering how Wilford Brimley avoids Eiffel Towering Kento with Chris Lydon
wondering how Wilford Brimley avoids getting diabeetus
wondering how Santa Claus avoids getting diabetes
third party cookies
drawing a picture of the XXX Geldof joke and the XXX, Jedi Knight joke braiding their penises together to the point where they are indistinguishable
those two jokes have basically melded together, we need to do something to differentiate them
H E Joko Widodo Geldof
H E Joko Widodo, Jedi Knight
H E Joko Widodo
maybe more
there are in fact three of us here
don't mind if I do
just wanting to confirm that there are in fact three of us here and you're not giving advice to yourself
go crazy
having actual thoughts like "no tv and no beer make Homer something something"
the vagabond who's rapping at your door, if there's a problem, yo, he'll solve it
the death of Eduardo Galeano
it is within your gift
you can do this
only discussion, as opposed to argument or pleading, can change their minds
many people, even those close to you, may not realise that you have a problem, or may not feel qualified to involve themselves, or conversely feel that they have all the answers to your problems without any real understanding of what they are
though it is cliched to say it, physical activity can be a very good aid to improving mood and underlying state of mind
attempting to compare your life or career holistically to others is irrational and counter productive, though it feels intuitive and we all do it
this can only come about through a positive and deliberate reasoning process, comparing your achievements fairly to those of others
you must reach a point where you become unwilling to dismiss or belittle your own achievements
achievement in any field can improve your state of mind and self image
you may also want to set yourself goals and targets for physical achievements, but it is important not to be too hard on yourself for missing goals, as this can and will happen to anyone
a good start is discussion with your doctor about the problem and your options
this may occasionally involve yelling about fudge
the best thing most people can do, even if they would benefit from medication, is talk through their problems
it is important to remember that you are neither undergoing a process that nobody else could understand or suffering alone, in the sense that there are people who you can talk to even just to talk through the day to day problems
being unhappy or even clinically depressed is far from unusual
having troubling thoughts is a fairly normal thing to do
I have no advice to offer, but I can try and anagram something for you, if you'd like
having actual thoughts like "I'm never going to feel fine"
the Regina Riot
Colon Rape Maple Contents
Planescape Colon Torment
I seem to recall he was here around the time of the Boston Marathon bombing
I think he left around two years ago
honestly not believing that Kento has been here regularly if at all in years
I might as well be
so you're Kento is what you're saying
the vagabond who's rapping at your door
not to you
walruses don't talk
never getting Gary Coleman to say "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, walrus"
crying like a fire in the sun
Brian Dunkleman
Ant and Dec, or possibly Dermot O'Leary
I got a new phone last year
wondering if there's a British Ryan Seacrest
seeking peace in a whiskey bottle with carney's tears
you got a new phone last year
not having heard from Gary since you changed numbers when you got a new phone last year
wondering how Gary is doing
your eighteen year old arthritic cat not having the flexibility to groom herself so her haunches are all ratty
Captain Dikhard
confusing Jean Luc Picard with Jean Felix Piccard
IMDb's alternate names for Jean Luc Picard
confusing Jean Luc Picard with Jean Luc Godard
thousands of people who eat out are her customers
Alice was really going to town on her physics assignment
using those special parts to build your robot friends
seeking peace in a whiskey bottle with Ryan Seacrest
next Sunday AD
dodecuple Ratcall dog's cocks
Ratcall dogs
Audubon Fisting Guides being so darned expensive
your blood runs cold, Ikeda is the centerfold
na naaa na na na naa
Ragdoll cats
I only bought Lube Tome Magazine once, when Go Ikeda was the centerfold
subscribing to Lube Tome Magazine but finding it more pretentiously highbrow than Fister's Weekly
Sandra Bullock has been named Lube Tome Magazine's most painful ape in the world, ow
colloidal GOLD enemas
Sandra Bullock has been named People Magazine's most beautiful woman in the world
I bet sign
the twenty second century will be remembered as the century in which the Sandwich Making Foxes entered the Hand Job Robot Hyphen Human Barbie War
it begins
only knowing that you chose not to enter the regret "it begins" because it doesn't appear in your autofill cache
A fox in Chernobyl has made Kento a large sandwich using cold meats and bread fed to him by a radio crew in the area
it begins
A fox in Chernobyl has made a large sandwich using cold meats and bread fed to him by a radio crew in the area
almost always feeling guilty after being live yogurt
I really don't know what you mean
being slain by a chaotic evil yogurt elemental, if you know what I mean
being slain by a chaotic evil yogurt elemental
having no way of knowing whether a new friend, a sweet but chaotic yogurt, is live or dead as of this morning, and having to wait thirty six hours to find out for sure
almost always feeling guilty after eating live yogurt
giving Kento a bitchin' fringe for his birthday
lending your bee space to a dishonest beekeeper
almost always feeling sleepy after eating live yogurt
bee space
giving Kento a bichon frise for his birthday
colloidal silver enemas
Television personality Rosie O'Donnell got an ISIS tattoo in support of the Islamic State's "struggle against Western imperialism"
drinking champagne out of the chimp twats in Mexico
having actual thoughts like "maybe some day someone would be able to love me lol" and "maybe some day I'll actually let someone love me lol" and both seem pretty unlikely ugh
but at the same time, jeez, feeling happy and self assured for a while would be like a dream to you, and this just feels like proof that that's never something you'll be able to achieve without it somehow being something worse
still occasionally coming here to express the regrets that really scare you and get you down, that you feel like you can't share with other people directly
for your own part, being so depressed and anxious all the time that you can't even tell the difference between manic and just, you know, normal happy
having similar problems, feeling like you could use similar help unless, you know, she is going crazy
your sister being on drugs for her anxiety and depression and you can't tell if they're doing a world of good for her or just fucking her up in a different way
when your sister jokes about being manic depressive and you can't tell if she's just joking and you don't know if you should be like "but really, so you really think this, showul you think about getting help"
not eating twats, COOKIE!
not eating twats
licking Christina Ricci's cornhole a lot
cornholing is such a gross word
liking cornholing Paul Daniels, not a lot, but you like it
liking cornholing Christina Ricci a lot
cornholing a lot like Christina Ricci
not being twats
The Ultimate Vegan Meatball
Darth Plunder, Sith Master
helps in turds
The Ultimate Meatball
Shitplunder
Thunderlips
cornholing a girl who looked a lot like Willie Mays
I have dreams about the day i meet Christina Ricci and she feeds me fishsticks with her feet, then makes me lick them clean
popcornholing Christina Ricci
Some sources even say that Ricci compared the smell of her feet to popcorn
waffles that smell A LOT like Christina Ricci
girls who smell A LOT like Christina Ricci
girls who smell like Christina Ricci
waffles that smell like vanilla
girls who smell like vanilla
woad deer, what can the matter be
painting woad on the beefy internet hunks, FORM OF DEER!
painting woad on the beefy internet hunks, FOR FREEDOM!
blowing loads on the beefy internet hunks
blowing beefy hunks on the internet
blowing beefy chunks on the internet
chunking beefy loads on the internet
loading beefy chunks on the internet
loving beefy hunks on the internet
loving meaty guys on the internet
eating meaty guys on the internet
meating lovely guys on the internet
I was thinkin' maybe I could just marry into posture
teabagging Raymond Burr whilst cornholing Willie Mays
Florida Man Tries to Kiss Cottonmouth Joe, Remains Bac