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getting a tattoo that says "THUG EIFFEL" on your hind flippers
Walrus Edmund Bond
Walter Edmund Bond
getting a tattoo that says "USDA PRIME" on your back side
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Peter Mayhew and a mix of bears, walruses, lions, badgers and other dying animals
Chewbacca's voice is a mix of bears, walruses, lions, badgers and other dying animals
Fat Gay Asian Man Arrested at Mojave Spaceport
Kim Jong Un may have been under the influence when he ordered the execution of two of his uncle's aides
Grebleips responded to Queen Amidala's Vote of No Confidence in Chancellor Valorum by lifting his arms
Scientists Find Distant Earth Sized Planet That Could Support Walrus Based Life
Jewel ordered to register in east Ukraine
Scientists Find Distant Earth Sized Planet That Could Support Water
Jawas ordered to register in east Ukraine
Grebleips
Jews ordered to register in east Ukraine
kind of wanting a "Nudist Shark" t shirt
Angkor Wat
the bathtub hoax
wondering if Chris Lydon has a hot tub or if he just skips a step and uses the shower tray Kento ends up weeping in afterwards
not realizing Kento knew how to drive
An Oregon motorist wearing a "His Rand Tusk" t shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge
a decade before Rosa Parks was arrested by Alabama cops, Lt Jackie Robinson faced a court martial for refusing to move to the rear of a city bus traveling near a Texas Army base
An Oregon motorist wearing a "Nudist Shark" t shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge
An Oregon motorist wearing a "Drunk As Shit" t shirt was arrested Sunday night on a DUI charge
wondering what it is with Hollywood directors and soddomizing teenagers in hot tubs
bottoming for Max Faggot in Mega Man Dong VII
Maxime Allen Faget
wanting to see the "high five, bra!" email that Brian Singer got from Roman Polanski this morning
Madmen Gag Son
being vegan pussy
eating vegan pussy
Mega Man Dongs
Removing vaginas can still be easy, but should never be done in a manner that could cause the vagina to vomit
Removing leeches can still be easy, but should never be done in a manner that could cause the vagina to vomit
a theme park made entirely from walrus will open its doors in Shanghai
Augustus Gloop denied entry into China
a theme park made entirely from chocolate will open its doors in Shanghai
Herman Cain ran on the slogan "We need a leader, not a reader"
a grown man in an oversized shirt holding his undersized manhood in hands glistening with shrimp fat
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you the leech in her vagina
rehearsal is for fags
Removing leeches can still be easy, but should never be done in a manner that could cause the leech to vomit
When a group of hard working guys find out they've fallen victim to a wealthy business man's Ponzi scheme, they conspire to rob his high rise residence
Electric Boogaloo Colon The Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films
having a leech in your vaginal area
being born too straight to direct X Men and too smart to direct X Men Three
occasionally wishing you worked in academia so that you could make barely passable "academia nuts" jokes from time to time
"this group controls Hollywood and I'm sexy" is also what's written on Tom Cruises's Scientology business cards
being born too pretty for academia and too cerebral for the stage
being born too cynical for showbusiness and too benevolent for big business
'Mrs Doubtfire' Sequel in the Works
"this group controls Hollywood and I'm sexy" is the most commonly spoken phrase in the San Fernando valley
"this group controls Hollywood and I'm sexy" were his exact words
Defendant Singer told Plaintiff how "this group" controls Hollywood, and that he was sexy
'X Men Three' Director Brett Ratner Accused of Psychologically Abusing Teenage Boys
'X Men' Director Bryan Singer Accused of Sexually Abusing Teenage Dog
'X Men' Director Bryan Singer Accused of Sexually Abusing Teenage Boy
Get Up In Time To Catch the Continental Breakfast with Bear Grylls
eighty percent of men have baculums and twenty percent of men know the secret to growing bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penises in four weeks
eighty percent of men have under six inch cock size and twenty percent of men know the secret to growing four inches in four weeks
Get Upgraded with Bear Grylls
a programme consultant revealed that Grylls actually stayed in a motel on some nights including an episode in Hawaii in which Grylls was ostensibly stranded on a deserted island
Get Out Alive with Bear Grylls
A Canadian flight simulator business fired an instructor who figured prominently in CNN's coverage of missing Malaysia Airlines Flight three seventy, saying he showed up late to his regular job and "shamed Canadians" by dressing like a teenager, eh
using Glee as antibacterial anus mint
Christina Ricci
Broderick Steven Harvey rubbing one on your beloved's anus like Christina Ricci
Broderick Steven Harvey
rubbing one on your beloved's anus like Christina Ricci
le sourire du plombier
Buttock cleavage
drinking the champagne in Mexico
rubbing out incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North in the bathroom at church
Typhoon Muddyfanny
Tropical Storm Siltcunt
Super Typhoon Grittywomb
Hurricane Sandyvagina
Sandyvagina
wondering who would win in a fight, Myke Hawke or Anakin Sandyvagina
"I cover Myke Hawke in sperm to stay young!"
"I cover my rump in feces to stay agony!"
Busting the myth about clerics and bludgeoning weapons
"I cover my face in sperm to stay young, cheerio!"
using ghee as antibacterial anus mint
bludgeoning weapons
"I cover my face in sperm to stay young!"
Canada's Hawaii, Ehloha
LOCAL MAN LOSES AT ELF NIPS
North Korea's Hawaii
LOCAL MAN LOSES PANTS, LIFE
Wu Tang Clan associated rapper cuts off penis, jumps off building in suicide try
South Korea's Hawaii
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker with sand people in his vagina
drawing a picture of Anakin Skywalker with sand in his vagina
I don't like sand! It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere!
I can't abide those Jawas! Disgusting creatures!
rumbling Obi in Jawa's sodomy sack
Legong Colon Dance of the Virgins
ten KO
hey guys, really jeer mamba
Airiest Anal Ho being voted off American Idol
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cleared testes site
going to the Tweeter's Swan Shit Idols world premiere with a token
memorising every stateside porker
boning keen tot
basically just eating tofu and mangoes for like, a week
hyperspace, push on the button and you're back in the race, hyperspace, shootin' your rockets all over the place
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the tofu mangoes poop heartache
nuking pot with Ryan, ooh
getting a husked thump
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a hostile poseur raisin, he meant it
drinking a white toxin creme
the death of brainy wolves
being given douched trolls, eh
slamming your rod in the acid rock
let's rut
rumbling Obi in Jewel's sodomy sack
basters
playing Nuns & Gored Gonads with Tim Duncan
Helen "Pepsi" DeMacque
drawing a picture of Kento being wishfully twirled by a racoon feeder
frankly you respect Barren Pepsi P for bringing the issue of infertility to light in the hip hop community, although the product placement kind of puts you off
feeling kind of sorry for Barren Pepsi P, but at the same time feeling like making it part of her name is just going for the sympathy vote
drinking magma out of a spinach hen cup
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the mushed gonad bicycle hooker is paid in kroner
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "freshest hobo" to show you her vagina
meeting Barren Pepsi P
Barry "The Snake" Fry, eh
shooting Jean "Snake" Fry in the cock when you were a kid
Paul Walker's brothers to help finish Fast and Furious Seven movie
the only airport in the Caribbean with a public tunnel under its runway
the rampant heavy drinking of Mars Guo
the rampant beach patio ho of Mars Jem
the rampant chaetophobia of M R James
wondering if there's a point at which we're actually worse than the unholy trinity of Kento, Chris Lydon, and walruses
wondering if Chris Lydon got a custom made Tuggie for his bizarre, striated, earthworm like penis
getting two Tuggies for nineteen ninety nine in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
getting two Tuggies for nineteen ninety nine
getting two bras for nineteen ninety nine
putting too much hummus in that hummer
Casual marijuana use linked with brain abnormalities, study finds LAPCAT
Casual marijuana use linked with brain abnormalities such as thinking Family Guy is funny, study finds
Casual marijuana use linked with brain abnormalities, study finds
LAPCAT
Steven Spielberg's Saving the Mountain Chicken
Montserrat Says It Is Open For Hollywood Movies
the Barbary Wars
Although it is nominally an English settlement, many of the colonists on Montserrat are Irish Catholics whose families were deported here by Cromwell
you have the right to remain silent, English
putting too much walrus in that Lydon
Cops use Amish disguises to target Pennsylvania flasher
the skin on Chris Lydon's erect penis as you lick it off
putting too much lemon juice in that hummus and it irritating the skin on Chris Lydon's erect penis as you lick it off
putting too much hummus in that melon
putting too much melon juice in that hummus
putting too much lemon juice in that hummus
that it's one year after the Boston Marathon bombing and Chris Lydon has yet to answer for his crimes having sex like jackrabbits
that if history has taught us anything it is that fame buys immunity from prosecution
that it's one year after the Boston Marathon bombing and Chris Lydon has yet to answer for his crimes
having sex like jackrabbits
drinking cold water out of Jewel's anus
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in Jewel's breast water
drinking the water out of Jewel's boobs in Mexico
drinking champagne out of Jewel's boobs
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Chimpanus Ricci
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Chimpi
drawing a picture of Jewel being Eiffel Towered by yourself and your chimp
slamming your chimp in Jewel's anus
slamming your dick in a chimp anus
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like a chimp Kento
submitting your best drawing of Kento being Eiffel Towered by a celebrity and an animal right now to The Queen Latifah Show!
submitting your best dance moves right now to The Queen Latifah Show!
watching the Queen Latifah Show
not being Kento eating goose poop regardless
drinking champagne out of a chimp anus who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
not being Kento drinking champagne out of a chimp anus
you probably shouldn't be eating goose poop regardless
having a severe allergy to goose poop
dead sexy yogurt
dead nude yogurt
vegan live nude yogurt
live nude yogurt
live yogurt
keeping me updated
that the painful feces of yesterday has subsided, only to be replaced by horrid gas reminiscent of a blast furnace full of rotten eggs
snarling ho bags prince
absolving nothings
halving Bono's sting
snarling ho bags vet
practising tantric chastity just to annoy Sting
halving Sting's boner
that something called the "Captain & Tennille house" is or was a regularly used porn set
Muskrat Love
avenging Thor slabs
baling vegan shorts
vegan bra slingshot
halving stag's boner
loving strange bash
absolving her gnats
bathing glans servo'
banging short slave
serving a thong slab
searching the 'dex for "blasting"
saving long breaths
blasting hangovers
shaving Tron's bagel
having Tron's bagels
having bagel snorts
having long breasts
how empty and worthless is the power of kings, for there is none worthy of the name, but He whom heaven, earth, poop, and sea obey by eternal laws
at least a couple were probably executed, and the rest kept alive to prevent defecation
Federal Express Flight SevenOhFive
probably the goalkeeper's
it sounds reasonable
at least a couple were probably executed, and the rest kept alive to prevent defection
that North Korean athlete's families probably aren't executed for their failings, just never released from the camps they've long since been taken to to prevent the athletes from defecting
remembering the twenty ten World Cup when North Korea lost and you felt a giggly Schadenfreude which was quickly replaced by sadness when you realized that some of the athletes' family members were most certainly executed after the game
Homeric Greece, no homo
Homeric Greece
Pak Choi's win didn't come at a surprise, given the complete dominance of North Koreans at marathons across the world
finding the idea that North Korean snipers are so inept and or confident they don't even bother to conceal themselves fairly amusing
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a chimp anus rope
Pak Choi won the men's category
being sixteen going on seventeen not hooking up with James Franco
imagining what it must have been like for the Rwandan guy who finished second in the North Korean marathon to spy the armed snipers at the finish line ready to shoot down any nonKorean who might entertain thoughts about finishing in first place
not hooking up with James Franco
not hooking up with James Gandolfini
being sixteen going on seventeen
North Korea stages its first international salamis
North Korea stages its first international snickers
wondering what the international reaction would be if Kim Jong un started using his propaganda to make sly drug references that his minions had no context for
in shock to Western Capitalist Imperialists, Kim Jong un finishes twenty six mile marathon in world record six minutes and twenty four seconds
North Korea stages its first international marathon
you're such a quitter
I'm ninety years old, so shut the fuck up
being given the cold chimp anus
drinking the champagne out of a chimp anus in Mexico
Girl Gets Chimp anus Tattoo
The Girl With the Butt Hole Tattoo
that your octogenarian grandfather is learning to play the ukulele, so there really are no excuses
Girl Gets Butt hole Tattoo
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a chimp anus trope
never learning to play the ukulele
DAAAAAAAAAMN, GINA!
spoiling Pat Dollard
soiling Pat Dollard
shouting at passers by drunk at the beach in the early afternoon
falling asleep drunk at the beach in the early afternoon
discovering that Pat Dollard exists and feeling soiled
Fraiser Glenn Cross Jr
teaspooning Kate Upton's boobs
Police find one dead baby in seven Utah County home
Police find seven dead babies in Utah County home
Delaware doctor receives three years in prison for waterboarding twelve year old girl
Kate Upton on her famous cleavage colon 'I wish I had smaller boobs'
French DNA to mail tests to pupils and staff in search for school
French school to test DNA of male pupils and staff in search for something something Roman Polanski
stunlaw
walnuts
wondering what you ate that made you feel like you're shitting burning coals the size of cantaloupes
drawing a picture of Mohamed Al Fayed paying private detectives, journalists, paparazzi, shysters and con men to examine every black hole in Paris for connections to Prince Philip
Conspiracy theorists have also suggested that Princess Diana may have been consumed by a black hole
Illuminati prior knowledge
Conspiracy theorists have also suggested that MH three seventy may have been consumed by a black hole
that if China were to adopt or condone an expansionist policy alongside Russia, both Koreas and Japan and probably India would be pretty upset
that being a power behind the throne and being capable of holding the throne oneself are very different notions
wondering what kind of impact Russia's "we want this land so we're going to take it" precedent would have on China
guessing that whatever behind the scenes forces are pushing Putin to do this would be much more terrifying if they were in power
that the future is unknowable
that in theory the humiliating defeat of what is undoubtedly a Russian special forces led but undeclared operation could topple Putin
Ukraine readies full military operation against pro Russian rebels
drawing a picture of Vladimir Putin being Eiffel Towered by the ghosts of Totalitarian Communism and Autocratic Czarism
French school to test DNA of male pupils and staff in search for rapist
you've done this before
drawing a picture of Capitalism being handcuffed to a bedpost with a ball gag in its mouth as the Invisible Hand slowly unscrews a container of vaseline
drawing a picture of Capitalism being Eiffel Towered by the Invisible Hand and Postcolonial White Guilt
the irony of "free market capitalism defeating Communism" only to be beaten to death by the Invisible Hand
the US hasn't been willing to nuke anybody since JFK died
wondering if Putin's going to start World War III since he knows the US is no longer willing to nuke Russia over a land war in Europe
the Russian Ukrainian war of twenty fourteen
Swedish women having the smallest breasts in Europe
eating an Italian beef
MLS Commissioner Don Garber has prostate cancer
PowNed
Jason David Frank
Shia LaBeouf is a super able grim nonhuman being, more nonhuman than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super anal humming boner, more anal than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super lame ham boning urn, more lame than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super normal lame ham boning urn, more lame than most
Shia LaBeouf is a super normal human being, more normal than most
focusing the camera on the actor's backside as a nurse wipes him off
wondering what porn star gets to have "genitals digitally superimposed over Shia LaBeouf's body" to his resume
US Officials End Tense Standoff Between Nevada Cookie Monster, Federal Government
Lars Von Trier's Antichrist
US Officials End Tense Standoff Between Nevada Monster Rancher, Federal Government
Lars Von Trier's Nymphomaniac
US Officials End Tense Standoff Between Nevada Rancher, Federal Government
bottoming for Chocolate Tuggie Chips in Tour de Farts VII
Tuggie Chips, possibly Chocolate Tuggie Chips, sounding like a real thing
having a groupon for seventy five percent off a TRIPLE mastectomy, and you really don't need one but it's just such a great deal
Lolcode Chocolate Chips Tuggie Geldof
having a groupon for seventy five percent off a double mastectomy, and you really don't need one but it's just such a great deal
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a Tuggie trope
that you had Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence in a restaurant once, but it was far from heavenly
Metalichfieldmon
thinking that you ordered a Peaches Geldof in a restaurant once, but it was undercooked and not filling at all
Peaches Geldof 'was Tuggie'
Peaches Geldof 'was Ichneumon'
Peaches Geldof 'was eunuch'
Metalichneumon
forgetting what Ichneumon digivolves into
Ichneumon
Peachii Geldof
Peacheses Geldof
that leader of female thought in her day, Miss Anna Seward, known to some as the Swan of Lichfield
it's because of all the drying out clinics there, it means the racers have a shorter commute to the start line
because France is boring
wondering what the plural of 'Peaches Geldof' is
pardon me because I'm not European so I don't understand these things, but why are they having the Tour de France in England now
Peaches Geldof 'was unique'
Glee sucking so fucking much
Tour de France and its circus collide with Harrogate's ancient land laws
St Stephen with a Tuggie
St Stephen with a rose
Kento "Tuggie Colon" Ikeda
getting a friction burn taking your Tuggie off too fast
The Tuggie Colon The Fuzzy Sock That Warms Myke Hawke!
Kento "Tuggie" Ikeda
jamming broccoli up your ass
The Tuggie Colon The Fuzzy Sock That Warms Your Cock!
commiseration ejaculation
broccoli to support prostate health
colon salmon attacks, da bears
colon salmon attacks
when I tell everyone that you're in love with me
commiseration
ejaculation
thinking Austin Powers would have been better if Doctor Evil had one arm crushed by his escape egg as it closed moments prior to ejaculation
thinking Austin Powers would have been better if Doctor Evil had one arm crushed by his escape egg as it closed
sustaining serious injuries, including one arm crushed by the closing clamshell like escape capsule moments prior to ejaculation
he thinks he's likely to lose
SNP conference colon Salmond attacks 'negative and depressing' No campaign
sustaining serious injuries, including one arm crushed by the closing clamshell like escape capsule moments prior to ejection
female undergarments
making love, not war
getting your foot tapped at a Foot Tapping Center
getting your foot trapped at a Foot Mapping Center
getting your foot tapped at a Foot Mapping Center
wondering not for the first time whether the person being referred to by the epithet "Baby Faced Ear Sex Maniac" is yourself, the person writing this regret, who is you, that is to say, Mojo Jojo apparently
getting your ass tapped at a Foot Mapping Center
getting your ass mapped at a Foot Mapping Center
thinking that we're just a matter of years away from the Baby Faced Ear Sex Maniac's fetishes being realized
vaginas and noses and ears, oh my
vaginas, noses and ears, noses and ears can be grown from cells, studies find
Vaginas and noses can be grown from cells, studies find
old white guy to replace older white guy as host of Late Night
getting your foot mapped at a Foot Mapping Center
your ass just spilling out all over the place
the sevenfourseven Wing House
Thomas Ansboro of Glasgow, Scotland taught an autorotating winged rotor kite in eighteen ninety one
Thomas Ansboro of Glasgow, Scotland taught an autorotating winged rotor kite in the amazing Sex Pest Index
eighteen ninety one
Thomas Ansboro of Glasgow, Scotland taught an autorotating winged rotor kite in
the amazing Sex Pest Index
wondering which regret date regular has indexed so many sex offenders
eating for the benefit of Mr Kite
wondering which regret index offender has dated so many sex regulars
wondering which regret index regular has offended so many sex daters
probably just craigslist
wondering if there is a secret craigslist type site where celebrities go for discrete hookups
wondering which regret index regular has dated so many sex offenders
I know the one you mean, I'm just saying
that's like half of them
scanning your date's imdb profile and learning that he is a sex offender
the Saunders Roe Princess
scanning your date's photo and learning that he is a sex offender
The first flight with passengers after the accident took place on eleven September two thousand ought one, English, landing shortly before the World Trade Center attacks in the United States
those pretentious interstitial quotes Forbes dot com gives you, which you assume are accompanied by ads that you're blocking
Scan Your Date's Photo, Learn If He Is A Sex Offender
Bob Geldof not eating the fucking rice
always thinking Jake Gyllenhaal bears a resemblance to a cartoon duck drawing a picture of Bob Geldof crying himself to sleep atop a pile of fucking money people gave him
in your country, you fuck fat gay Asians, in MY country, fat gay Asians rule the country and fuck you!
giving Bob Geldof your fucking money
instructing your unit that they need to falsify maintenance records to make aircraft appear more reliable
wondering if it would be possible for someone to have a Yakov Smirnoff like comedy act based around North Korea, or if that would be too sad
inventing the ubiquitous VanderPump
always thinking Jake Gyllenhaal bears a resemblance to a cartoon duck
drawing a picture of Bob Geldof crying himself to sleep atop a pile of fucking money people gave him
Ben Affleck looking for all the world like he, too, cannot understand why there is a worth of seventy million dollars attached to him
Lisa VanderPump Todd
not really having any reason to doubt that Rupert Grint is worth fifty million US dollars, but finding it hard to believe
bullshitters bullshitting about bullshitters
bornrich dot com
discovering that the top of bornrich dot com's rich list is Muammar Gaddafi, two and a half years after he died
you seem cool for a naked chick in a booth
Lovers Deep
in my country, North Korea "is capable of striking YOU with a nuclear electromagnetic pulse attack"
North Korea "is capable of striking US with a nuclear electromagnetic pulse attack"
Spider Man smashes rare six legged octopus against rock and eats it, if you know what I mean
one does not simply stop Eiffel Towering Kento with a walrus
Spider Man smashes rare six legged octopus against rock and eats it
cut talc videos
cult cat videos
I'm gonna beat you and it's gonna hurt because I don't know
wondering why he would eat a rock
Fisherman smashes rare six legged octopus against rock and eats it
it's actually a reference to the way her dog always humped her
thinking that it's quite sweet of Miley Cyrus to name her tour after sausages in memory of her dog
Miley Cyrus 'Heals Physical and Emotional Pain' With Latest 'Bangerz' Tour Show After Death Of Pet Dog Floyd
Killer Shrimp Hitching Rides Across UK by Canoe
only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory
cute cat videos
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , WE DRAW THE LINE HERE!
giving a handjob to a stevedore
peanuts
, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
thinking you'd probably have to be pretty angry either to participate in bukkake or to ejaculate on, near or while thinking about Kento
drawing a picture of Kento being bukkaked by twelve angry men
wondering what it would be like to be on jury duty with Kento actually it was foreskins
wondering what it would be like to be on jury duty with Kento
actually it was foreskins
something something two forearms something NAMBLA
something something two forearms something Kento
something something two hard ons something Kento
wondering if we're too hard on Kento
wondering if we're too hard on MB
solving cubic equations by intersecting a hyperbola with a circle
The Moving Finger writes semicolon and, having writ, Moves on colon nor all thy Piety nor Wit, Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it
I don't really wish that, quite frankly I'm sorry I said it
wishing the amazing Regret Index felt MORE like eavesdropping on inane Eiffel Towerings between notable and notorious persons, and by the way, screw you, MB
wishing the amazing Regret Index felt less like eavesdropping on inane Eiffel Towerings between notable and notorious persons
wishing twitter felt less like eavesdropping on inane phone calls between notable and notorious persons
bottoming for Jean Luc Picard in Make It Blow, Number One
not being sure who came out first, Ellen Page or Ellie from The Last of Us, spoiler alert
#vegan
that the character of Ellie from The Last of Us kept taking you out of the action because of her resemblance to Ellen Page
taking a huge, hot mouthful of SirPatStew
#DaveCalls
Amercia
that Ellen Page's twitter account says "I am a tiny Canadian" not "I am a tiny lesbian, eh"
that Ellen Page's twitter account says "I am a tiny Canadian" not "I am a tiny Canadian, eh"
SirPatStew
that whenever you see pictures of Sir Ian McKellen lately his face seems to say "Oh god, beer prices are up again, why did I buy this pub"
that whenever you see pictures of Patrick Stewart lately his face seems to say "Oh god, I should've married Ian"
that whenever you see pictures of Patrick Stewart lately his face seems to say "Oh god, I've married a child"
drawing a picture of Geordi wondering if prostate massage is the only way to perform a hard reset on Data
bottoming for Jean Luc Picard in Earl Gay, Hot VII
Picard brews lust to purge soldiers
Old West Action
placard brews lust to purge soldiers
having a dick small enough to slam in kroner
slamming your dick in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope
slamming your dick in Mexico
slamming your dick in kroner
slamming your dick in English but set in Scandinavia
taking virtual tours of helicopters on sikorsky dot com
Public urged to reset all passwords
slamming your dick in lolcode
a documentary
wondering if Theresa May thinks Teresa May's Punishment Party is a documentary
IN THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THIS SERIES INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF THE INFORMATION REGARDING THERESA MAY'S IRREFUTABLE TIES WITH FREEMASONRY, ILLUMINATI, AND THE OCCULT
Citizenship is an attitude, a state of mind, an emotional conviction that the hole is greater than the part and that the part should be humbly proud to sacrifice itself that the hole may live
those who served in the armed forces and those who haven't, therefore called citizens and civilians
Citizenship is an attitude, a state of mind, an emotional conviction that the whole is greater than the part and that the part should be humbly proud to sacrifice itself that the whole may live
wondering if Theresa May thinks Starship Troopers is a documentary
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you the bathroom at church
looking forward to revoking Theresa May's citizenship in Celebrity Shags sixteen
looking forward to revoking Theresa May's citizenship in twenty sixteen
Teresa May's Punishment Party
Christmas Glamourpuss Special!
Celebrity Shags six through thirteen
Citizenship, in the words of Home Secretary Theresa May, is a "privilege, not a right"
Jyoozu, desu ne
Britain Increasingly Invokes Power to Disown Its Citizens
Jyoozu
Tiburon
Les Dents de la mer
Der weisse Hai
the Lady of Vix
the Gauls
wasting time browsing through aircraft operators on flightaware dot com to see which flies when private jets
wasting time browsing through aircraft operators on chaviation dot com to see who flies what private jets, innit
wasting time browsing through aircraft operators on ch aviation dot com to see who flies what private jets
Freddie Mariecurie
ERCURY
FREDDIE M
LATER WE WILL GO INTO EVEN MORE SINISTER TERRITORY, INCLUDING THE IDEA THAT BRIAN MAY IS A HANDLERIPROGRAMMER OF MONARCH SLAVES AND THE EVIDENCE FOR THE ARGUMENT THAT MAY AND HIS OCCULT TIES WERE INVOLVED IN THE DEATH OF LEGENDARY QUEEN FRONTMAN FREDDIE M
IN THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THIS SERIES INTRODUCE YOU TO SOME OF THE INFORMATION REGARDING BRIAN MAY'S IRREFUTABLE TIES WITH FREEMASONRY, ILLUMINATI, AND THE OCCULT
thinking, for a brief moment, that you were the first person to write the word lobsturbation, but of course this is the internet so no
lobsturbation
Al Sharpton's Secret Work As FBI Informant
making Vanilla Ice dig his own grave, then shooting him as he stands in it because there is only one sentence for collaborators
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said she didn't want emotional attachment, she meant it
haven't done it yet, frowny face
emotional attachment
rocking the mic like a VISIGOTH
rocking Myke Hawke like a vandal
taking a selfie wearing just little pink panties and sucking on a lollipop while concealing your breasts and sending it to Chris Lydon
taking a selfie wearing just little pink panties and sucking on a lollipop while concealing your breasts
drawing separate pictures of each of the permutations of Mickey Rooney, Peaches Geldof, and the Ultimate Warrior Eiffel Towering
the death of the Ultimate Warrior
X ray scans showed the skipping rope stuck in the narrowest part of the man's urethra, with ten centimetres hanging out the urethral opening
listening
collaborating
stopping
rocking the mic like a vandal
Myke Hartebleed Bug
the Heartbleed Bug
it will have to compete with Battlecreek Two Colon Battlecreeker
emotional detachment
MORTALS! YOU DEFY THE GODS! I SENTENCE YOU TO TRAVEL AMONG UNKNOWN STARS! UNTIL YOU FIND THE KINGDOM OF HADES, YOUR BODIES WILL STAY AS LIFELESS AS STONE!
an arrow
googling Entity Colon Sea Van to see what kind of movie it is, because you're some kind of moron
kentonancy
refusing to see kentomancy is a pretty good idea
nigromancy
all we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see kentomancy
all we do crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
kentomancy
splanchomancy
haruspicy
Entity Colon Sea Van will be the hottest movie of summer twenty fifteen
Entity Colon Sea Van
the public wants what the public gets
no one expects the hugest dump
yon valentine tacos
canny stool naivete
nylon tee vacations
only entices ant ova
violent nasty canoe
a conventional stye
you can always tell an Aerodactyl fossil because the tail looks like an arrow
making that OU butter graph, Kes
making that group butter shake
making that grouper butt shake
being slain by a giant groupie
being slain by a giant grouper
breaking rule number five, "finger your fuck hole hard"
ethic cleansing
breaking finger number five
breaking rule number five, "shut your fuck hole hard"
breaking rule number five, "harden the fuck up"
breaking rule number five, "keep your pie hole shut"
reading the phrase "mom and pop website" and your brain kind of shutting down
the skeleton of a World War II carrier pigeon with a coded message still attached to its leg
the clusterfuck illusion
The more powerful the female, the more trouble she will cause drawing a picture of Paul Simon getting a lick job from Julio
The more powerful the female, the more trouble she will cause
drawing a picture of Paul Simon getting a lick job from Julio
down by the school yard
drawing a picture of Paul Simon getting a lick job from Julio down by the school yard
the clustering illusion
Hitler Used Cocaine and Had Semen Injections
Hitler May Have Married a Jew, DNA Study Suggests
munchkin cats
DONG Energy
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Vietnam in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in dong
The female imitates the male in order to disguise her defection from her natural functions
ETHIC CLEANSING OF GERMANS
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vegan Halva
that an Halva Orgasm is your favorite Jewish drink
filling several railroad cars with loot
the Militia United in Righteousness
vinyl ascot neonate
that a Halva Orgasm is your favorite Jewish drink
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Halva
Chaz Windsor
Chaz Bono
if fifty on percent of your body were conventional yeast or something like that you might count as nonhuman
that Cher is still alive, once again your knowledge of which celebrities are living and which dead is at odds with reality
we are Cher, resistance is futile
if fifty on percent of your body were yeast or something like that you might count as nonhuman
that, seriously, once fifty one percent of your body is artificial you should be classifed as a Borg or something
the inevitable twenty second century apocalyptic war between the Human Barbies and the Hand Job Robots
there probably isn't an amount of plastic surgery that can cause speciation to occur
wondering if there is an amount of plastic surgery a person can have and no longer be classified as human
a racist space alien
'Human Barbie' Valeria Lukyanova blames 'race mixing' for plastic surgery popularity
How to Halve An Orgasm with Your Vagina
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Angina
How to Have An Orgasm with Your Vagina
this feels, like, really really good on my vagina and I'm excited about having an orgasm and stuff like that and like, I'm super excited to be having sex right now and like, I'm so glad we did all this molly before we started and we should totally do mor
the adventures of Britain's pill popping princess Diana, as she sucks and fucks her way to stardom with the Arab world's ugliest heirs
the adventures of America's pill popping princess Molly, as she sucks and fucks her way to stardom with Hollywood's hottest celebs
the Herculean task of listening to everything, while managing to know about nothing
Teargarden by Kaleidyscope
Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time
Kento has been plugging away all these years, plundering even farther down his insanity asshole as you may have noticed by his recent eight hour interpretation of Atlas Shrugged
Billy has been plugging away all these years, plundering even farther down his navel gazing insanity hole as you may have noticed by his recent eight hour interpretation of Siddhartha
one day I'm going to learn how that happens
one day I'm going to learn how that happens
Teargarden by Kaleidyscope
one day I'm going to learn how that happens
diy elbows
fracking Stephen Fry
diy elbows
diw elbows
diy elboys
dry elbows
engorging the Bage
being degorged
being engorged
FTEEAILNQDPVAIVMTLEEATTOHIOONVMCAAT H Q E
RDIIEAMRLESIPVSPODSEEIRSETTAAESGIAVNNR
DREVICIOPEDMOOMSMVIVLISLCAVIBASBATAOVT
interring Bob Geldof with the corpse of his goat daughter
Your data suggest little to no automatic preference between Physically Disabled Persons and Physically Abled Persons
conventional yeast
bottoming for Roman Polanski in Absentia VII
insane bait
innate bias
being convicted in absentia of a nation mourning repeatedly
wondering if it is possible to make rum from onions, perhaps by caramelizing them prior to fermentation, or by using a non conventional yeast
Roman into anus
Satan onion rum
if you come over here, you'll find a wonderful surprise
nuns into aroma
anus nominator
a tsunami on Ron
a mansion to run
a ruminant soon
a nation mourns
goats drawing a picture of Paddy Murphy sadly feeding the geeps in his County Kildare farm
inferring that Bob Geldof fed the corpse of his daughter to his goats
drawing a picture of Paddy Murphy sadly feeding the geeps in his County Kildare farm
I'm movin' to the country I'm gonna eat me a lot of Peaches
the implication that Bob Geldof fed the corpse of his daughter to his goats
drawing a picture of Bob Geldof sadly feeding the goats in his London townhouse garden
too soon, man, too soon
drawing a picture of Go Ikeda being Eiffel Towered by Mickey Rooney and a thylacine
the death of Peaches Geldof
sprinking your dick in Jewel's boobs
Butoi, the psychologist, theorises that a gene predisposing one to violent sex was transmitted from father to son, as the Eiffel Towerings happened under remarkably similar circumstances
sprinking that wen well
Butoi, the psychologist, theorises that a gene predisposing one to violent crime was transmitted from father to son, as the murders happened under remarkably similar circumstances
Ion Rimaru inverting penises using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
tjinking that wen well
on Rimaru inverting penises using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
Ion Rimaru
inverting penises using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
It's more likely that the neo Nazi in question just happened to have the costume lying around already
inverting penises
using a thing that had belonged to a set of Rapists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
wondering what exactly a row colon is and thinking it's kind of like an inverted striated, earthwormlike penis
using a thing that had belonged to a set of Papists, of whom, speaking generally, it might be affirmed that you never knew what they might not have been up to
an image of the Cookie Monster standing with Adolf Hitler, with the caption, "Who ate my biscuit"
uncharacteristically humane swans
Alexandra Swann protests her own party's stance on immigration
finding a stranger to high five
Pro Russia activists declare eastern Ukraine independent
Maria Miller expenses row colon David Cameron reiterates his support
eating a lemon basil chicken breast on rye sandwich
being a certified masseuse, an avid ballroom dancer and liking to make chocolate fondue
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Wings Hauser and a dingo
blowing a hole
growing a molestache
the death of Mickey Rooney
sprinking chocolate rain in the bathroom at church
Adam Nyerere Bahner
sprinking chocolate chips in the bathroom at church
force ghost bottoming
Hayden Christensen's force ghost bottoming for Kit Fisto's force ghost in Star Wars Colon Episode VII
that the new villain in Star Wars is called Darth Swan
dude, too soon, Kit Fisto is dead
bottoming for Kit Fisto in Star Wars Colon Episode VII
not really being bothered any more
remembering being faintly irritated that you firstly hadn't spent years training as an actor and secondly hadn't known Episode I was shooting basically down the road from you
Star Wars Colon Episode VII has begun shooting
giving model kids to that dog at his bar mitzvah
comes from his penis
giving model dogs to that kid at his bar mitzvah
model dogs
getting a "shave and a haircut" on a rough sex monday
getting a haircut on a rough sex monday
getting a haircut on a sunday
Titanic meets Frasier
Rauboo
bestiality, it's the best iality
not wanting to know where Chris Lydon's "money" comes from it comes from his penis
liking your coffee like you like Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare, filled with the genetic material of ungulates
not wanting to know where Chris Lydon's "money" comes from
it comes from his penis
not wanting to know where Chris Lydon's "honey" comes from
watching a brutish crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner
running out of maple syrup and substituting agave syrup instead
vegan podcaster honey
podcaster honey
winning a hand of poker with seventeen huge breasted bikini model kids
that, in a symbiotic relationship similar to that of flowers and honeybees, walruses in the wild are unable to copulate unless they can stumble upon a naturally occurring podcaster
guessing that Chris Lydon is usually on land, and the walrus is in the water
bottoming for walruses in the wild in Walruses Gone Wild VII
winning a hand of poker with seventeen huge breasted bikini model dogs
wondering if walruses in the wild have sex on land or in water
huge breasted dogs playing poker
rabid shaft badgers
drawing a picture of James Franco being Eiffel Towered by a zebradonk and a jaglion
James Franco calls asking out seventeen day old Scottish geep 'bad judgment'
wondering if there is a more Irish place than Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare where there is lots of interspecies breeding
liking your coffee like you like Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare, Irish
winning James Franco with seventeen years
wondering if there is a more Irish place than Paddy Murphy's farm in County Kildare
James Franco stealing that huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model Scot from you
Rare 'goatsheep' born on Irish farm
beer made from yeast of thirty five million year old whale fossil she's legal in Scotland
bottoming for James Franco in Hollywood Gonorrhea VII
beer made from yeast of thirty five million year old whale fossil
she's legal in Scotland
Sheena Easton, punk rocker, Sheena Easton, punk rocker, Sheena Easton, punk rocker now
James Franco calls asking out seventeen year old Scottish student 'bad judgment'
strutting, pouting, putting it out
bottoming for Neville Longbottom in Long Bottom VII
Googie architecture
God doesn't hate Weasleys, just Weasley culture
God hates Weasleys culturally speaking
fictional characters who are older than you and doing better than you played by real people who are far younger than you and doing far, far better than you will ever do
God hates Weasleys
culturally speaking
feeling like a huge thing has passed you by in the form of a boy wizard
I guess that's why God made fanfiction
being disappointed that even though the Harry Potter universe was built with the homoerotic trappings of British boarding school culture, there was not even one scene in the official novels where all the boys got together and rubbed their willies together
JK Rowling says Hermione should have married Harry Potter, not Ron
not realizing until you had boiled lots of eggs that when your ex said he didn't want to take the hugest dump, he meant it
getting raped by famous people and the rozzers never done that according to the Harry Potter wiki, Hermione is getting married in three years
getting raped by famous people and the rozzers never done
that according to the Harry Potter wiki, Hermione is getting married in three years
that if you ever become a history teacher you will accept essays on the nineteen seventies in the UK that just say "everyone was getting raped by famous people and the rozzers never done nuffink abaaaat it"
glam rock being spoiled for you for years now after the Paul Gadd stuff came to light
Florida man fired after mistaking corpse for mannequin fairly frequently
Harry Potter's owl being named after a transsexual East German glam rocker
Florida man fired after mistaking corpse for mannequin
fairly frequently
Police Arrest Roman Polanski
Police Arrest Naked Man Who Was Riding Tricycle While High On Cocaine
Pringles Arcane Minx Skirt Curio Nook
drawing a picture of Pringles Newfangled Potato Chips
Pringles Xtra Kickin Sour Cream & Onion
drawing a picture of
Pringles Newfangled Potato Chips
not Ryaning up with hooks
not deep throating with Ryan
deep throating incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
appearing as yourself in part of Katy Perry's colon
appearing as yourself in Katy Perry Colon Part of Me
"idiot comedian democracy twat beard" sounds like an anagram of something
the second google result for "idiot comedian democracy twat beard" is Russell Brand
there is no totally accurate, rational or useful way of calculating the percentage of national laws based on or influenced by the EU
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be a Moth" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling moth Ryan Moth
googling "idiot comedian democracy twat beard" to remind yourself of someone's name
Stephen Fry, Man 'High On Meth, Deep Throats Fifteen Police Officers While Masturbating'
I skipped a word in that last regret which kind of ruined it but it wasn't very good so never mind
telling that New Jerseyan singer songwriter who that he was "the Boss" to show you what love can do
Andrew Frey, Man 'High On Moth, Flies Around Fifteen Police Officers With Loud, Clicky Wingbeats That Make Him Seem Much Larger Than He Is'
that they call them smartphones to differentiate them from feature phones
deciding that you're not going to buy a smartphon until they stop calling them smartphones
playing Lamb Took Tram with Tim Duncan
Atheists Classified As Terrorists Under New Saudi Arabian Laws
Mortal Kombat Kolon Annihilation
Kento Ikeda, Man 'High On Meth, Jerks Off Fifteen Police Officers While Being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a Walrus'
reports have surfaced of animals fleeing one of the world's most original famous Ray Parks
reports have surfaced of animals fleeing one of the world's most famous Ray Parks
If Superman Had Turned Up In 'Gravity'
reports have surfaced of animals fleeing one of the world's most famous national parks
Andrew Frey, Man 'High On Meth, Jerks Off Fifteen Police Officers While Masturbating'
that Wikipedia probably saw Google's recent font change and though "me too"
Andrew Frey, Man 'High On Meth, Fights Off Fifteen Police Officers While Masturbating'
Carolina Reapers
getting your sack caught in a rowing machine
Wiener Schnitzel
wondering if Wikipedia's font changed for everyone or if you're just hallucinating
TRY TO BOMB THE HARBOR
that Wii is just one letter away from WWII
being crabtastic
vagiSYKE
drawing a picture of Kento being thrown down a well by Chris Lydon, then rising up as a ghostly apparition that counts stuffed walruses only to shriek when it finds one missing, desu ne
drawing a picture of Kento being thrown down a well by Chris Lydon, then rising up as a ghostly apparition that counts stuffed walruses only to shriek when it finds one missing
Kid Humps Play Playing Wii
Kid Humps Kid Playing Wii
the rules and regulations to command and obey
removing irrelevant notices
wondering how a dog could possibly whirl a colder lotion
rolling patents for chump change
it's a dog hump dog world
it's hard to grasp
wondering how a dog could possibly hold a Wii controller
Dog Humps Dog Playing Wii
Kid Humps Dog Playing Wii
a mode of squeal
merede
Abigail and Amelia Gabble
Dog Humps Kid Playing Wii
lead oaf mosque
being crantastic
vagisil
ant death circles
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Kurt Waldheim and a spiny lobster
Stinkbirds
Exchange student falls to death in Denver after eating marijuana
cookie
Hoatzin
Exchange student falls to death in Denver after eating marijuana cookie
trademark trolling
copyright trolling
patent trolling
queso flameado
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to buy multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
Dau
Ilya Khrzhanovsky
buying multiple copies of the book "Toby or Notobe" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Tobias Notobe
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her boss
in the absence of distraction or a thrill
Cleverbot becoming dumber and dumber over time, not smarter, and by the way, screw you, Cleverbot
Cleverbot becoming dumber and dumber over time, not smarter
o homines ad servitutem paratos, no homo
post Turris Eiffelia omne animal triste est, sive odobenus et Christophorus Lydon
that all this time you thought Justin Bieber was turning into Marky Mark and or one of the Funky Bunch, but it turns out he's just turning into his own father
Pics of ME
o homines ad servitutem paratos
finding Justin Bieber's dad's tripod page
stowing Twin Long Rods #Two
after sex all animals are sad except the cock and the woman
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to stow you in her vagina
This Alga related article is a stub, You can help Wikipedia by expanding it
taking the hugest friendly floater
the Chukchi Sea blob
Friendly Floatees
the number of people with Ebola infections is significantly lower than the number of people who have Eiffel Towered Kento
apparently being able to write out big numbers in long form, but not to recognize when you've done it correctly
apparently not being able to write out big numbers in long form
of the seven billion, one hundred and fifty three million persons living today, a few hundred have Ebola infections
watching Summer Slam in Dick Toe's glaus
out of one hundred and twenty two cases of ebola in Guinea, eighty patients have died
slamming your dick in Summer Toes' glaus
Frog Pond Elementary School
not understanding how Ebola, a disease spread by contact and reliant on very specific conditions for survival, could become a global crisis since even the biggest outbreak never kills more than a few tens of the hundreds infected
the Twenty Fourteen Guinea Pig Ebola outbreak
the Traveling Wilburys
the Highwaymen
all these Damn water signs in Mexico
lifting with the anus instead
not lifting with the legs
maybe it would have worked out better as an Aquarius
all these Damn fire signs in your life
slamming your dick in Summer Glau's toes
telling that girl in seventh grade that you automatically get cancer if you eat bread that's been toasted twice
The Strafing of the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School sexting Chris Lydon
The Strafing of the Little Egg Harbor Intermediate School
sexting Chris Lydon
googling "weight lifting accident"
a dope imbecile could become global crisis, experts warn
Ebola epidemic could become global crisis, experts warn
the Twenty Fourteen Iguana Oreo Kebab Lute
watching Clash of the Titans OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
the Twenty Fourteen Kento Beluga Bioaurae
the Twenty Fourteen Beige Areola Auto Bunk
the Twenty Fourteen Guinea Ebola outbreak
wondering what it is about pot that makes you enjoy watching bottomlessly stupid comedy movies about other people who smoke pot, and why this phenomenon doesn't happen with, say, alchol or ecstasy
A Troll in the Dumpster Behind Steak n Shake
A Troll in Central Park
ARRR! MY GROIN!
Trollhattan
George C Scott in Man Getting Hit By Football
Pantechnicon vans
A rich nit's school complains eight year old girl isn't girly enough
Christian school complains eight year old girl isn't girly enough
A Violent Concierge, Viler Too in Scotland
Geocentric Rave Olive Lotion in Scotland
Voice Recognition Elevator in Scotland
you lend some people a liver, you never see them again
you lend some people a fiver, you never see them again
that most touch devices you have seen are already covered in grease from just people's fingers, and you don't want to imagine what it would be like to eat on one
having Heath Ledgeresque sexual fantasies involving Olsons Mary Jane and Horse
Pizza Hut is developing an interactive table from which consumers can order, and then eat, pizza
not realizing until you had coded lots of lol that when Brian Peppers said he wanted to meet, he meant it
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when Ryan said he didn't want to hook up, he meant it
having Heath Ledgeresque sexual fantasies involving Olsons Mary Kate and Ashley
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when agent fifty seven said she didn't want dinosaur sex, she meant it
using the MASS TIMES JOUNCE
having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven in a jungle somewhere not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex using the force said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
using the MASS TIMES JERK
having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven in a jungle somewhere
using the force
getting laid in the jungle somewhere
getting lasik in the jungle somewhere
it's a turnaround jump shot
Kento "Ikilledya" Ikeda
Army sniper kills six Taliban fighters with single bullet having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Chris Lydon and a walrus
Army sniper kills six Taliban fighters with single bullet
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Chris Lydon and a walrus
halving elaborate sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving teens Christina Ricci and Winona Rider
having Rowland Emett design sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
having Storm P like sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer being paid in kroner
having Heath Robinsonesque sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer, cheerio
having Rube Goldbergian sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
deep frying chocolate chips
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer wondering what that llama did to get its ass whipped
Stig of the Dump
could've gone in a different direction
choking on black swan
China
Yoda
choking on black pepper
having elaborate sexual fantasies involving Tillys Meg and Jennifer
wondering what that llama did to get its ass whipped
Kento's tramp stamp
we've been given the right to choose between a douche and a turd
not being the first person to think of that though
Putin on the Ritz
bigger turd
nodding and say "ahh, yes, oh I get it, yep, right, yeah, I see" while people demonstrate baffling properties of circuit boards
non intuitive interfaces
finding out what the XTnine button does after like five years
two turds circling a drain, arguing about which of them is the bigger turd
the broken, shit filled toilet getting into an argument with the festering overflowing medical waste bin over whether the gargantuan landfill site that is their ultimate destiny is attractive or not
Nigel Farage has repeated his admiration for Vladimir Putin, saying he respects him more than the "kids" who run Britain, as Nick Clegg condemned support for the Russian president as "utterly grotesque"
Ukraine crisis colon Putin 'orders partial withdrawal'
Billionaire's Closely Watched Murder and Corruption Trial Opens in China
California man washed out to sea during baptism
drawing a picture of yourself being Eiffel Towered by Grover and Yoda
having sex with Grover
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Jewel abandonware
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Jewel
abandonware
watching Cloverfield OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
Japanese Asianism
Oliver Fricker
pace, flay him
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention took an active roll in banning these beverages
Michael P Fay
chugging a Four Loko in a gas station restroom, if you know what I mean
chugging a Four Loko in a gas station restroom
grool
pumping breast milk
cursing you, and all your kin
truther dot org speaking to me in a language I can hear
the media covering up Chris Lydon's involvement in the Boston Snickers bombing
please don't combine those
truther dot org
speaking to me in a language I can hear
the media covering up Chris Lydon's involvement in the Boston Marathon bombing
MCMLXXIX
MH three seventy truthers
being born on the boundary of Gen X and Gen Y
Butt and Picnic Boning
Blueberries for Sal
down there, where all the lights are, that's where the Harbour Hospital is
The teacher asks Little Fritz "What are seven times seven" Little Fritz replies "Fine sand"
Klein Fritzchen
Toransufoma Kisu Pure
thrill play
hold play
kill play
kiss play
being the Asian Thom Yorke
piss play
Indian woman with two wombs has given birth to two boys
Georgia based masseuse Kristy Love, thirty four, earns as much eighteen hundred dollars a day by massaging clients with her size forty eight NN breasts
Man Expecting Quintuplets Finds Out His Girlfriend Isn't Pregnant
if I had those golden showers of my yesterdays
if I had those golden dreams of my yesterdays
all the fruits in your bathroom
Putin seizes Ukranian cellphones, takes selfies
NSA targeted German companies according to latest Snowden leaks, White House responds with tldr
Japan declares North Korean missile tests illegal, gaaay
Kim to Merkel "tits or gtfo"
UN to North Korea "i fuked ur mum"
UN responds with "I know you are but what am I," North Korea counters with "I'm rubber you're glue"
all the fruit floats in your bathroom
North Korea tells UN to mind its own business
all the fruit flies in your bathroom
having an idea about getting a bunch of cats together and inbreeding them repeatedly until their genes are so damaged each offspring has meme worthy deformities
Ben Lashes is Grumpy Cat's manager who also represents Keyboard Cat and Nyan Cat
how disturbing it is to see a kid get an erection on sighting you playing Goat Stimulator
how disturbing it is to see a kid get an erection on sighting you playing Goat Simulator
wondering whether Chris Lydon is really so publicity shy that he hasn't been photographed in over a decade or whether it is just a case of nobody giving a shit about him
how disturbing it is to see a dog get an erection on sighting you playing Goat Simulator
how disturbing it is to see a dog get an erection on sighting you
playing Goat Simulator
wondering whether the name "Dick Hymen" suits a M to F transsexual or a F to M transsexual porn star better
slamming your dick in the D'Oyly Carte Opera Company
slamming your dick in the carte d'or
slamming your vagina in the car door
not being Christina Ricci
the turtles of Sylvia Browne
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to slam your dick in the car door
slamming Dick Hyman in the car door
Gunhead
Morton Subotnik
Dick Hyman & His Electric Eclectics
The Annoying Thing
Heaven's Gate
Mickael Turtle
Holy Disinfection
ewww and or hello
semen being more potable than water
semen being thicker than blood
water being more potable than blood
Crazy Frog
blood being thicker than water
exurban panties
fuckers
spending an eternity watching someone else play through Bioshock Infinite
spending a couple of minutes watching someone else play through Bioshock Finite
spending an entire day watching someone else play through Bioshock Infinite
waiting for YouTube to buffer on a slow connection
wondering if it was ever actually a ban so much as lacking a legal framework
Gay marriage ban ending in England and Wales on Saturday, cheerio, isn't it, HOT STUFF COMIN' THROUGH
paving paradise and putting up a parking lot
dancing, dancing wherever you may be
Scottie Moorhead
being the Lord of the Dance
answers to questions that we do not yet know how to ask and will concern objects we have not yet imagined
setting the agenda for this evening
how every discussion we have here always ends up with Kento
having sex with walruses
how every discussion we have here always ends up with Kento having sex with walruses
walruses are not perfectly fungible because walruses' varying body mass, penile girth, penile length, and temperament make it difficult to find many walruses with the same body mass, penile girth, penile length, and temperament
drawing a picture of Kento being double ended by Chris Lydon and a hippo, while Chris Lydon feeds the hippo an entire loaf of bread
that can be easily substituted by hippos
wondering if walruses are fungible
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon liquifying his assets all over
Kento's face
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon liquifying his assets all over Kento's face
liquid assets
Darva Conger, Minnesota, don'tcha know
fungibility
Darva CONGRIDAE
core inflation
hard goods
France Colon Actress Wins Privacy Case
Darva Conger
Gay Ritchie pays his bottoms well
that you always thought Richi Rich was a stupidly unrealistic name and concept, but it turns out there's a Rich Ricci who's rich bottoming for Gay Ritchie in Cock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
that you always thought Richi Rich was a stupidly unrealistic name and concept, but it turns out there's a Rich Ricci who's rich
bottoming for Gay Ritchie in Cock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Doll Ritchie
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Guy Ritchie
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Chocolate Chip Ricci
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christmas Ricci
being given the chocolate chips out of a shoe
Myke Swank
Myke Ruse
child molesters' site
Roman Polanski film seeks crowdfunding via 'Kickstarter for the child molesters' site
Tom Hanks film seeks crowdfunding via 'Kickstarter for the rich' site
Tom Cruise
Cadillac
Feathers
Boston's bad boy, Chris Lydon
karate's bad boy, Myke Hawke
Hilary's wank
Because Hilary Swank could learn the advanced "flashy" moves and had trouble with the beginner moves, Pat E Johnson, the martial arts choreographer, awarded her with a "Pink" belt
karate's big boy, Mike Barnes
karate's bad boy, Mike Barnes
Michael "Mike" Barnes
Dynatox Industries
always forgetting about the insanity of Conrad Black
Since ten women in tight tops and pants with great makeup began to shovel the ice, the Leafs are four and eight, eh
telling that hardboiled cockney gumshoe in Mexico who insisted that you were "Jewel's boobs" to have sex with your ex, Brian Peppers
sprinking chocolate chips on Twin Long Rods #Two's long rods as you knead them
wondering if they've filmed piss porn in the ASS
eating a meal at three in the morning and waking up to a burning re entry
wondering if they've filmed piss porn in the ISS
wondering if they've filmed porn in the ISS
eating a meal at three in the morning and waking up to a burning pee
eating a meal at three in the morning
livestreaming your Eiffel Towering
wondering what's up
eating been dead by TWO THOUSAND less twenty bloated dogs
being eaten alive by one hundred and twenty starving kids
being eaten alive by one hundred and twenty starving dogs
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want the same haircut as Kim Jong un, he was despicable human scum, worse than a dog
Male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same manscaping as their leader Kim Jong Un
wondering if there was porn filmed on the soundstage on which the moon landing was faked before your lifetime
Male university students in North Korea are now required to get the same haircut as their leader Kim Jong Un
wondering if there was porn filmed on the moon before your lifetime
the burning pee galaxy
burning pee
the galaxy
If the Catholics got hold of the full facts about Xenu, does this mean they'll get more market share
wondering if there will be whalers on the moon in your lifetime
wondering if Richard Branson's ludicrous boondoggle will even have made a single passenger flight as part of a normal operational schedule by twenty ought thirty
wondering if there will be porn filmed on the moon in your lifetime, and then realizing that may be as little as fifteen years or so
wondering if there will be porn filmed on the moon in your lifetime
maybe Tom Cruise is haunted by the restless spirits of shrimp
maybe they were shrimp
still, that's more impressive than anything Jesus did
he had like three DCeights
eating that super spicy ramen before bed and waking up to a burning pee
Scieno Shitter
being pretty impressed that Xenu was able to pack billions of live individuals in a DCeight
wondering why a galactic dictator would be able to solve a true Rebellion problem by blowing up a few billion individuals, unless he had a really shaky grasp of physics and the amount of energy required to make a beam that explodes a planet
thinking that surely the material and energy costs of capturing and transporting billions of live individuals across interstellar distances in order to murder them couldn't possibly, in the event of an overpopulation crisis, be justified in any way
wondering why a galactic dictator would be able to solve a true overpopulation problem by blowing up a few billion individuals, unless he had a really shaky grasp of economics and the size of the galaxy
Scieno Sitter
the man is inbetween the two women, and has a strap on strapped to his backside
anyone learning this material before he is ready could die though many have learned the story and remain alive
BONE SAW IS READY
shootin' Jackson C Frank out of the school
shootin' Jackson C Frank outside of the school
shootin' some C ball outside of the school
shootin' some b ball outside of the school
relaxin' all cool
maxin'
chillin' out
Blue Man Group Colon Mind Blast
Secret Service Agents Sent Home After Partying Too Hard in Europe
Apple's stocks are depressed
poor Apple
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are Splitsville
CENTI
Milli
Fab
Rob
Shrek the Musical can read
apparently it was sent to a cast member by another cast member
the very notion that anyone who is entertained by Shrek the Musical can read
brain being zombies
i dot imgur dot com slash EZEQKoneL dot jpg
cumback sauce
brain eating zombies
how dry your left cheek gets in cold weather
letting the motherfucker burn let's change the refrain
that damn dumpster
the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
a resting place for bums, a trap set in the slums
licking Danish remoulade off of Chris Lydon's erect penis
Princess Diana, Adolph Hitler, Marilyn Monroe, and Glenn Close's character Alex, in the movie "Fatal Attraction"
chronic social isolation
social isolation
pathological loneliness has its roots in medical model consisting of a host, an agent, and an environment and is thus, a disease
that there's a Digimon named Andromon but not Gynomon
Arschkento
Arschgeige
contagious loneliness
malignant loneliness
chronic loneliness
pathological loneliness
being disqualified from winning an Oscar for life, life, baby
accidently giving Marisa Tomei that lick job
serving baba ghanoush for Babar and Ganesh
letting Myke Hawke dress your ranch
letting Myke Hawke bust your ranch
letting Myke Hawke park your car
Buster Rancher
haven't you seen either the Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit
imagining one of the awful bird catching spiders of South America not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex translated into human form, and endowed with intelligence just said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it less
imagining one of the awful bird catching spiders of South America translated into human form, and endowed with intelligence just less than human
letting Myke Hawke fill your seat
being a seat filler at the Eiffies, or as normal people call it, the Boston Aquarium
being a seat filler at the Eiffies
they won't even let you be a seat filler
the little known rule that anyone who has ever watched a film starring Vanilla Ice is automatically disqualified from winning an Oscar for life
the little known rule that anyone who has ever been involved in a film starring Vanilla Ice is automatically disqualified from winning an Oscar for life
Archibald Stansfeld Belaney
holding Charlie Chaplin to ransom
Janusz Kaminski
accidently giving Marisa Tomei that Oscar
P H Vazak
honored professionals were awarded for all the work done in a certain category for the qualifying period
being given the vagina out of a shoe shoulder
watching a chocolate turtle in second grade
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by Hardee's products, Sonny John Moore too OMFG, what a piece of utter ass hugest dump
that rumors of a Token Asian Friend movie center around Sylvia Browne and not Christina Ricci, I mean duh, lolcode
playing Champagne & Shoes with Scandinavian turtles in the bathroom at church
telling that girl who looked like Christina Ricci who insisted that she "didn't want a serious relationship" to slam Brian Peppers' breasts in the car door as you kneaded them
not realizing until you had deep throated Stephen Fry that when the hardboiled cockney gumshoe who insisted that you "pay in kroner" was suddenly very interested in meeting Sylvia Browne, lolcode
that we've written fifty thousand rough sex regrets in three years
that we've written roughly fifty thousand regrets in three years
bottoming for Stephen Harper, Francois Hollande, Angela Merkel, Matteo Renzi, Shinzo Abe, David Cameron, and Barack Obama in G VII
being given the code shoulder in Mexico
breastcode
frycode
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to pay you in kroner
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want his dick slammed in the car door, he meant it
Moby blowing his posse in public in Japan
the death of Odobenus Humongous
the death of Oderus Urungus
turning over your nuclear cache in Japan
Moby blowing his pose in public in Japan
something about one of the many pedophiles we routinely dredge up here
your baby doing the hanky panky
blowing your nose in public in Tehran
blowing Chris Lydon in public in Japan
blowing your nose in public in Japan
We Captured a Girl and forced her to listen to rotten Bananarama!
the summit of beauty and love
bottoming for Chris Lydon in There's No I
there's no I in Kento, unless Chris Lydon is talking
remembering a guy whose yearbook quote was "there's no I in gangbang"
there's no I in meat
there's no I in semen
itchy men
it's semen
their semen
its semen
our semen
my semen
your semen
coming from the land down under and drowning Kim Jong Il with your semen
coming from the land down under, if you know what I mean
coming from the land down under
coming from the land of the ice and snow
hawkeing
hawking
goosing
grousing
sniping
playing on easy difficulty
gouge gouge, wink wink
being swan, if you know what I mean
eating swan, if you know what I mean
thinking swan would be more popular than that
regret number two seven two one six
scrambled swan
hardboiled swan
boiled swan
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe eats swan
beswanning people, places, or things
dreaming of being swan
maybe because you be so much swan
dreaming of eating swan
maybe because you eat so much swan
knowing several people who believe, for no discernible reason, that you are a fellow of St John's
Odie
Fellows of St John's College are the only people outside the Royal Family legally allowed to eat unmarked mute swans
sprinking rotten bananas on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
for a real challenge, you need to step up and try the walrus dildo
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to eat rotten bananas
well hung walruses
Ontario girl claims teacher forced her to eat rotten banana thrown in trash, eh
not thinking that Mila Kunis is ugly or anything, just not being attracted to her
We Captured a Girl and force fed her rotten bananas!
trying to use ebay to gague how much Mila Kunis's baby is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty dollars
finding Mila Kunis about as attractive as you find Ashton Kutcher, which is to say, not at all, though you quite like her voice
wondering how one would go about buying Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher's baby, and how much it would cost
Mila Kunis is reportedly pregnant to finance Ashton Kutcher which is bad timing
Mila Kunis pregnant, expecting first child with Ashton Kutcher
telling that girl in second grade who looked a lot like Stephen Fry and insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina
lolcoding Stephen Fry
telling that girl in second grade who looked a lot like Christina Ricci and insisted that you were "the boss of her" to show you her vagina
taking the hugest leek first thing in the morning, if you know what I mean, boyo
taking the hugest leek first thing in the morning
the Slenderswan mythos
the Slenderman dailies
Hot Welsh Soldiers Deepthroating Leeks
the Slenderonion mythos
Japanese bunching onions desu ne
Welsh onions isn't it
the Slenderman monthlies
taking a huge leek first thing in the morning, look you now
the Slenderman mothys
reading Business Insider while doing you business inside a business insider
the Slenderman mythos
taking a huge leek first thing in the morning
They include parents, firefighters, zookeepers, brewmasters, film students, reporters, and doctors
three elephants escape circus, damage cars in Missouri
Russian troops poised to 'run' into Moldova, deep throat bananas, Nato commander warns
attempted settlement thwarted by natives
Undercover police in Hawaii fight for right to have sex with prostitutes during investigations
Russian troops poised to 'run' into Moldova, Nato commander warns
having a fog in your thoat
deep thoating Stephen Fry
Hot CIVILIAN Soldiers Deepthroating Bananas
Hot Military Soldiers Deepthroating Bananas
the Swedish Colonial Empire
ewww, sorry about that one guys
telling that girl in second grade who insisted that you were "the boss of her" to deep thoat Stephen Fry
sliding down a very busty and Alaskan singer songwriter
telling that girl in second grade who looked a lot like Stephen Fry to sprink chocolate chips in the car door
sliding down a very busty and dirty slide
sliding down a very rusty and dirty lipslide
God's five forty lipslide
"to annoy people"
looking at bop
losing the game
eating hamburgers
Leaky Butt Syndrome
bottoming for Alan Leakage in Lifetime of Regret I
one lifetime of regret, which you assume is Kento's
that anal leakage currently has a regret index of one, based on one lifetime of regret, which you assume is Kento's
Leaky Gut Syndrome
Terminator Colon Ants, Voila
Terminator Three Colon Fearsome Niche Shit
Terminator Two Colon Jaded Gym Nut
Terminator Three Ileum Sentence Weekend
Terminator Two Colon Judgment Day
God's cruel trick
going kidding with SUPERVISORY SPECIAL AGENT Kidgett and FU, and by the way, screw you, MB
going dogging with Agent Doggett and ET
JASOOOON JAAAAASON JAAAAAAAAASOOOOOOON!
the point after a particularly acrimonious swan attack when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another species and the insane bloodlust it possesses
the point after a particularly acrimonious Eiffel Towering when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another human being and the validity of your own feelings
one eyed monsters that are naughty by nature
the point after a particularly acrimonious decoupling when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another human being and the validity of your own feelings
the point after a particularly acrimonious breakup when you start to wonder if you've ever really understood another human being and the validity of your own feelings
having been in what were almost certainly relationships in the past and still wondering what it's like to be in a relationship
wondering what it's like to be in a flawed relationship a Chris Lydon piercing
Agent Doggett wondering what it's like to be in a relationship
Agent Kidgett
Agent Doggett
wondering what it's like to be in a relationship
wondering what it's like to be in a flawed relationship
a Chris Lydon piercing
not having the fortitude to click through wikipedia's many pages on piercings to find out what it's called when a chain runs from an individual's genitalia to their nipples
"Penis Chain" would be a great name for a chest of sex shops
"Penis Chest" would be a great name for a chain of sex shops
The Tasmanian Echidna's Four Headed Penis
"penis chest" in Greek
wondering what it's like to be in a flawless relationship
Homo cygnus, no homo
Phallostethus cuulong
a male of the species feasting on the flesh of a dead female
Homo cygnus
Siphusauctum gregarium
Phobo cygnus
Phobo gallus
people talking to your about relationship problems and just being like "ooo ee oo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang"
people talking to your about relationship problems and just being like "yep if doesn't involve aquatic mammals and NPR blowhards, I totally don't know anything about any of that"
people talking to your about relationship problems and just being like "yep I totally don't know anything about any of that"
Mesopotamian feathered demons
that the sum of all NEGATIVE integers equals POSITIVE one twelfth
that the sum of all positive integers equals negative one twelfth bottoming for John Johnson in Gay Porn Movie VII
imagining the first meeting between Hayden Christensen and Hayden Panettiere, where he slowly says "In my country Hayden is a boy's name, eh" and she nods and smiles politely while trying to think of a reason to leave
famous original cosmic ray's visual phenomena
cosmic ray visual phenomena
that the sum of all positive integers equals negative one twelfth
bottoming for John Johnson in Gay Porn Movie VII
The notion that a tin foil hat can significantly reduce the intensity of incident radio frequency radiation on the wearer's brain has some scientific validity, as the effect of strong radio waves has been documented for quite some time
John Johnson
firebumming Kento
Ivan Ivanovich
firebombing Kento
because he was only in the two that didn't make as much money as the first one
five million
that even if he'd only managed to negotiate half of one percent of the prequel grosses he'd have earned ten million dollars
wondering if Hayden Christensen actually ever needs to work again or whether he wasn't able to get percentages of the movie and merchandise to Star Wars
Lost Cosmonauts
wondering what it's like for Hayden Christensen to reflect on the fact that he's only the second most famous Hayden in Hollywood and the first is a girl
Chri$ten$en
Luca$
wantting nakkos more than ever before
not that i have nakkos, homosecual or otherwise
not that i have adventures, homosecual or otherwise
my excuse is that i have a fever
wondering who has more homosexual adventures, James from Team Rocket, or Kento
he's more of a cum hole
he's more of a scrum hole
or possibly a scrum half
he's a scrum halve
that Leon the Pig Farmer was so bad it made you unwell
that according to wikipedia, Kento Ikeda plays for the Secom Rugguts Japanese rugby union team
zooming in and out for no reason
wanting to see wikipedians wasting their lives defending Kento's biography from vandals
thinking that we've been going about this wikipedia thing all wrong, the best course of vandalism would be getting Kento a legitimate article there
being a very stupid and conceited person or at least seeing yourself that way
Froot Goop
trying to insert a real egg into your lover's bum when they were expecting a vibrating plastic egg, cheerio
Goof Troop
inserting a swan egg into your lover's cloaca when they were expecting a chocolate one
havibg a fever and shivering when you get out of bed
why would you do rthat
trying to insert a real egg into your lover's bum when they were expecting a vibrating plastic egg
dick slamming is one of the universal pastimes
how little we all seem to regret slamming our dicks in things
sending a sexy snapchat to a one clubfooted Samantha Geimer
sending a sexy snapchat to a one legged Pakistani girl, clubfooted woman, and Samantha Geimer
Not having anyone to send a sexy snapchat to even though you feel capable of taking one of yourself for the first time in your sad life
taking pictures of everything you be and posting them on facebook, arr
taking pictures of everything you eat and posting them on facebook
you want it you want it
because you want and you don't know what you want but when you want it you want it
bottoming for Rene Descartes in Not Being III
not being THREE
gotta catch 'em all!
Mr Clash comes and goes, we're not really sure how we feel about him
not being two
showing all the regrets and using your browser to search for lyrics to a song which you remember being entered, but which are not present
amateur pornography
R Kelly, welcome to the regret index, that's Mr Polanski, Mr Savile, and Mr Sandusky, and I believe you already know Mr Jackson
I believe I can film myself urinating on a twelve year old girl
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said Twin Long Rods #Two, he meant it
I believe I can fly
well excuse me
I believe it is spelled "Myke Rotche"
Myke Rotch hugging prison knickers
The main part of the breeding season of the European hare
crotch hugging prison knickers
APRIL HOMICIDAL FUGUE STATE
crotch munching prison lickers
huge, huge tits
that five D has got to be equivalent to what, an H cup
clutch munching piston lickers
Touko Laaksonen
that the creators of Yugioh Colon Five D's Really liked drawing huge, huge tits
March Madness
itching a heavy butthole
having an itchy butthole
cow in the dumpster behind In N Out Burger
drawing a picture of Kento getting a double double animal style from Chris Lydon, Carlo Gesualdo, a walrus, and a Stellar's sea cow in the dumpster behind In N Out Burger
Frak!
dating that Christian girl in high school and having to watch all those VeggieTales with her younger brothers whenever you went to her house
sprinking champagne on Stephen Fry's shoes as you spoon them
creating
created a gun to reduce the size of armies and so reduce the number of deaths by combat and disease, and to show how futile war is
VeggieTales
rubbing one out in the bathroom like Christina Ricci
watching Leon the Pig Farmer OMFG, what a piece of utter ass shit
wondering if anyone has designed a Mafia style game based on Death Note
that you don't play Town of Salem but you could
having sex with your beloved's breasts as you knead them
long shots of dancing crowds
that a third of it seems to be musical montages
watching Leon the Pig Farmer and wondering if anyone involved had actually met any Jews, and also, whether anyone involved had ever seen a film before
wondering if any regret index Kevins play Town of Salem
wondering if any regret index regulars play Town of Salem
getting a double double animal style
getting a lick job from a six foot trannie hooka in the dumpsta behind Steak n Shake
buying that six foot hooka
the old duck tape on the nipples trick
to fuck it
the old duct tape on the nipples trick
Not being sure if that's comforting or horrifying
that if it exists, there's probably someone out there who wants to fuck it
they sure are
wondering if ggilfs are a thing
expecting all the gilfs that wise men bring
that they don't make double wide Cornishpasties
that they don't make double wide nipple pasties
that they don't make double wide nipple
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Eating Scissors To Protect not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex Tipster said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Eating Scissors To Protect Tipster
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Being Paper To Protect Tipster
Crime Stoppers Director Doesn't Regret Eating Paper To Protect Tipster
International Militant Swans Ltd
International Marital Sales Ltd
International Military Sales Ltd
writing a song about drying during sex
hearing the sound of violins long before it begins
the interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Sing a Song of Sixpence" as an allegory for economic bubbles
the interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Ring Around the Rosie" as an allegory for the existence of the black plague
Sausages made with baby poo are completely normal and super healthy, say scientists
the interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Simple Simon" as an allegory for the existence of prostitution
dying during sex while writing a song about dying during sex
dying while writing a song about dying during sex
writing a song about dying during sex
if I should die this very moment
the South West region is one of the nine regions of Western Australia, it is so named because it located in the south west corner of Western Australia
being a total wikipedian
wondering, every night without fail, what the hell led to all this vandalizing wikipedia, if you know what I mean
wondering, every night without fail, what the hell led to all this
vandalizing wikipedia, if you know what I mean
some vandal declaring your asshole "wikipedia"
it wasn't spam, it was clearly vandalism
some asshole declaring your vandalism of wikipedia "spam"
deep throating the car door
trying to land this aeroplane of ours gracefully
Swan appears to have blocked Twitter
Turkey appears to have blocked Twitter
Myke Hawke going boom boom boom
I couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste
Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Eiffel Towering Of Boston Aquarium Night Watchman
caught in a trap, no turnin' back
Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Eiffel Towering Of University Of Tennessee Student
your heart going boom boom boom
climbing up on Solsbury Hill
Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Alcohol Poisoning Of University Of Tennessee Student
butt chugging
the death of Fred Phelps remaking The Twilight Zone with Guns n' Roses
Timothy the Tortoise
bottoming for Vladimir Putits in Balaclava Bondage VII
slamming your tat in Putin's tits
US and Russia in Tit Bondage Sessions Over Crimean Crisis
US and Russia in Tit for Tat Sanctions Over Crimean Crisis
Sarah & Duck
repetition, badgering, innuendo, belligerence, irrelevant and immaterial matter, evidencing only a desire to hurt and destroy Kento
repetition, badgering, innuendo, belligerence, irrelevant and immaterial matter, evidencing only a desire to hurt and destroy the defendant
a Republican candidate who believes that God dictates weather patterns and that tornadoes, autism and dementia are God's punishments for marriage equality and abortion access won the GOP nomination
the death of Fred Phelps
remaking The Twilight Zone with Guns n' Roses
they fly
that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket
Noam Chomsky's denial of the Cambodian genocide
wondering how often John Lithgow and slash or William Shatner do the old "there's a man on the wing of the plane!" bit when they fly
vodka and circuses
wondering how often John Lithgow and slash or William Shatner hear the old "there's a man on the wing of the plane!" bit when they fly
nothing protects a figurehead like popularity
the very notion that Putin needs or wants the favor of the Russian people to remain in power
Putin makes last desperate gamble to win political favor of Russian people, fears for office and life under oligarchy he aided creation of
Russian government is planning to promote Crimea as a resort and provide subsidized holidays to the peninsula for children and state workers
the Accession of Crimea to the Russian Federation
you know nothing of my work
Meister Proper
Don Limpio
you are now entering Shitbottle
Veritably Clean
the Great Leap Forward
chicken lipstick
chicken breasts
playing SperiodTperiodAperiodLperiodKperiodEperiodRperiod
scientists give plants super powers
Nearly half of Americans subscribe to a medical conspiracy theory
Oliver Cox
dodging darts in a Dodge Dart in Tehran
backing dat ass up onto a busy street and getting T boned by a Dodge Dart
caution, this ass is reversing
backing dat ass up
Herc Hawke
slamming York Hawke in Jewel's boobs
braiding York Hawke and Myke Hawke together
slamming Ethan Hawke in the car door
York Hawke
slamming your dick a lot like Christina Ricci
getting a Myke Hawke piercing
getting a Myke Hawke Pierce piercing
not being boobs
As is common practice in the piercing industry, it was named after the first recipient of the piercing, a man named Chris Lydon
wondering if Kento ever has any problems with Chris Lydon's Chris Lydon when he blows him
getting a goose piercing
getting a guiche piercing
wondering if Kento ever has any problems with Chris Lydon's Prince Albert when he blows him
Sexual partners of those with piercings may experience complications during oral sex such as chipped teeth, choking, foreign bodies getting stuck between the partner's teeth, and mucosal injury to receptive partners
never actually unscrambling Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge and feeling like you made a few half assed attempts before giving up
Zachor Riccicaster O'Dirge
having sex with a girl whose ricci looked a lot like Christina piercing
having sex with a girl whose piercing looked a lot like Christina Ricci
having sex with a girl whose piercing looked a lot like Christina Ricci's
As is common practice in the piercing industry, it was named after the first recipient of the piercing, a woman named Christina
wondering if Alex Trebek has a Reverse Prince Albert
wondering who names genital piercings
not even wanting to look at the treblA ecnirP esreveR
wondering who thought it necessary for wikipedia to reference each and every type of male and or female genital piercing, complete with photos
not even wanting to look at the Reverse Prince Albert wearing tight pants
not even wanting to look at the Reverse Prince Albert
wearing tight pants
The piercing does not facilitate sexual stimulation and can be found uncomfortable when pressure is applied, for example when wearing tight pants
briefly you bite into your dad's leg
growing penis tone
Schnappi Das Kleine Krokodil
sustainable food groping community
growpenistone dot org dot uk
the Penistone Choral Mom Rags
the Penistone Grammar School
Maidstone Prison Inmates Poem Book Colon Reaching Out, Jimmy Savile, Rare Book
GIPTON REMOVAL FIRM JIMMY SAVILLE LEEDS HIP HOP RAP CD like MC PITMAN MR B
signed, Jimmy Savile
babies are fun
babies are gross
really stretching definitions calling Nickelback an actual band
hey, wasn't Ricky Martin in Lanugo
learning that Nickelback is the name of an actual band, and not just a generic term for incredibly shitty music like you've been using it
intestinal epithelial cells, lanugo, mucus, amniotic fluid, bile, and water
taking the hugest meconium
very large runny poops
don't apologise to me, he's not my stupid dog
random fingerings
that on top of everything else North Koreans have to deal with random fingerings
imagining that in Kento's case it's like fitting a finger inside North Korea
don't apologise to me, he's not my stupid kid
I'm sorry
imagining that in Kento's case it's like fitting a finger inside North West
imagining that in Kento's case it's like fitting a finger inside North Dakota
wondering how one could possibly fit Stephen Fry's bizarre, gnarled, ginger rootlike penis in one's throat
wondering how long Kento can hold his breath for
Ouroboros being onomatopoeia for the sound Kento makes when he deep throats Stephen Fry
tattooing your eyeballs
no party has a completion without breasts
Ouroboros being onomatopoeia for the sound you make when you picture Kento deep throating Stephen Fry
not being Kento deep throating Stephen Fry
Flintstones imbalance the week
sprinking one out in the bathroom at church
Flintstones chewable ketamine
licking the blood from your axe each time you fell a foe
depletion gilding
really starting to drive miss daylight
really starting to miss daylight
you'd better get some sleep, you need the energy in case the Nazis attack with secret codes again
you're sleepy, it's six thirty here
something about Wesley Warren and two small boys trying to sneak into an R rated movie, I'm too sleepy to piece it all together
Twin Chocolate Chips #Two
the death of Genitals Crusher
frighteningly glabrous genitals
the death of Wesley Crusher
not bleaching your anus
it's always a tough battle to get Congress to close military bases, facilities
not bleaching your undies
the death of Wesley Warren
well now I just look like a big ol' racist
chimpanman shitplay
With a roll of his eyes and a comment that he was good at using guns and knives, Chris Brown may have cost himself weeks of freedom and his chance to get back to making music anytime soon
frighteningly airless rapes
humanzee shitplay
frighteningly hairless rapes
chimpanzee shitplay
frighteningly hairless apes
frighteningly hairless genitals
pansysexual shitplay
that's the one
something ribald and horrible involving walruses and shit and pansies
something horribald
something ribald and horrible involving walruses and shit swansexual shitplay
something ribald and horrible involving walruses and shit
swansexual shitplay
wanting it on record that you voted "No" to the regret "pansexual shitplay"
the law of diminishing reev
bottoming for George Reeves and Christopher Reeve in Men of Steel VII
wanting it on record that you voted "Haven't done it yet" to the regret "pansexual shitplay"
Amado Mio
a very quirky friend who was instrumental in saving Miranda from a knife wielding Nailor
Leon the Pig Farmer
Men of Steel
Twin Long Riccis #Two
rough sex Sunday roast
a soft cake traditionally made of oatmeal and black testicle, which originated in northern England
parkin
that somebody put all the Rowntree's confectionery into wikipedia's Yorkshire cuisine category, bollocks
Henderson's Relish
that somebody put all the Rowntree's confectionery into wikipedia's Yorkshire cuisine category
Ploughman's lunch
queefing Roman Polanski's milk at a PETA convention
the amount of time you spent discovering the existence of the Buick Somerset for a joke
finding it fitting that Roman Polanski even would try to sue in England because in addition to the liberal application the courts like to find for their jurisdiction in libel cases, he is after all a colossal squid
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Captain America as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
colossal douchebag
finding it fitting that Roman Polanski even would try to sue in England because in addition to the liberal application the courts like to find for their jurisdiction in libel cases, he is after all a colossal douchebag
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Cap'n Crunch as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
that Dog from Dog 'n Play is forty nine years old now, but he's only nine in people years
England after all
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Captain Cook as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
finding it weird that Roman Polanski even would try to sue in England because despite the liberal application the courts like to find for their jurisdiction in libel cases, he is after all a convicted sex offender and as such has no reputation to defend
even if you apologize, Roman Polanski is still going to sue you in England
after all
doing that thing that we do here where we take a regret as entered and change around the nouns into other things and accidentally offending somebody, you think, for which you'd probably like to apologize, but don't quote you on that, it's a regret index
getting it from Captain Hook
that time in your seventh grade drama class when you wrote and performed a skit that included a joke about Captain Hook as a proctologist, and even though you made up the joke you're not sure you got it at the time
drinking tea right after eating melon
she gets around
wow, you too
making slapdash, bitter love to that hook handed woman in the passenger seat of your Buick Somerset in the parking lot of Walmart
the fallacy of incomplete puberty
opal fruits
making slow, sweet love to that clubfooted woman in the back seat of your Hyundai Sonata in the parking lot of Whole Foods
opals
the fallacy of incomplete evidence
that Dog from Dog 'n Play is forty nine years old now
Roscoe Goose
having impure thoughts about a teenage Dennis Rodman
Dicko & Sarah
Rodman Polanski
the "Estonian Carry"
Rodman was so insecure around women that he thought he was homosexual in his teens
playing Dennis Rodman Colon Hotel Defecation Basketball Player with Kim Jong un
using Bayesian poisoning to disguise your vandalism of the amazing Regret Index
playing Dennis Rodman Colon Excellent Horse Like Basketball Player with Kim Jong un
imagining CC Peniston as a robber baron industrialist of the nineteenth century, exploiting the workers of Penisville with ever lower wages in the Penis Factory and the threat of a spell in Penisville Penitentiary for strikers and agitators
Penis Factory Featuring CC Peniston
bottoming for Marky Mark in Funky Colon Bunch VII
that Play from Kid 'n Play is fifty one years old now
playing Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch Colon Make My Video
that Kid from Kid 'n Play is forty nine years old now
being water heavy
Shaq Uncut Colon My Story
being bottom heavy
eating top heavy
being top heavy
sprinking vegan chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you knead them
slamming your chocolate chips in Stephen Fry's bathroom
slamming your dick in Stephen Fry's throat
that you saw Lowtax jump once and it was something awful
that you saw Kento jump once and it was awful
fat gay Asian men can't jump
Sidney Deane and Billy Hoyle, played by Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson respectively in the film, are not playable characters and do not appear in the game
Dream Basketball Colon Dunk & Hoop
Power Factory Featuring C&C Music Factory
Tic Tee Poppins
playing Michael Jordan Colon Chaos in the Windy City
bottoming for Scottie Pippen in Slam City with Scottie Pippen VII
playing Slam City with Scottie Pippen in City Wok with Sean Connery
playing Slam City with Scottie Pippen with Scottie Pippen in Tehran
playing Slam City with Scottie Pippen with Scottie Pippen
playing Slam City with Scottie Pippen
the International Holocaust Cartoon Competition
Shaquille O'Neal wanders into a kung fu dojo while heading to a heavily emphasized charity basketball game in Tokyo, Japan
Freddy Got Unusually Large Fingered
Freddy Got Fingered
Shaquille O'Neal#Filmography
after she smiled he turned into a golden goose
Mr Fantastic is also in possession of a mutated phallus
torturing Kazaam with obscure remixes
The Thing does indeed have a penis made of orange rock
torturing Billy Batson with obscure remixes, and also with imagery of hypersexualized adults that will trouble his sleep for years to come
torturing Billy Batson with obscure remixes
it will be back shortly
Sync is currently experiencing problems
torturing Shazam with obscure remixes
not slamming Kento in the car door
when someone thinks you're cute and you can't really do anything about it
letting that green tea steep too long
pressed ham
Garfield Spencer Carl Arbuckle
paddling the school canoe and Tyler too
wondering why smurfs always seem to wear Phrygian caps
paddling the school canoe
wondering why gnomes always seem to wear Phrygian caps
A Gizmo Bade Hitler Heel
Elizabeth Medora Leigh
being celebrated in life for aristocratic excesses, including huge debts, numerous love affairs with both sexes, rumours of a scandalous incestuous liaison with your half sister, and self imposed exile
not having the courtesy to clip your nails before fingering that girl and contracting HIV as a result
queefing squid's milk at an Ice P concert
Ice Pee
not having the courtesy to clip your nails before fingering that girl
Ice P
Ice HEPTAHEDRON
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Ice Cube and a Thomson's gazelle
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Bob Crane and Big Bird
we never talk about Big Bird
going in unto thy brother's wife, and marrying her, and raising up seed to thy brother
wondering why we never talk about Bob Crane here, because he seems like he would fit in, and his name is even the same as a bird
being filmed by Bob Crane while being Eiffel Towered by Jerry Sandusky and Roman Polanski while Jimmy Savile skullfucks a coma patient and Max Clifford tells you about his tiny penis and Bob Filner rubs his nutsack on you
umpires
wampires
not knowing how to don't worry
vampires
about his tiny penis
not knowing how to be happy
suspecting that the entire character of Kento is some kind of elaborate piece of performance art by an avant garde artist that makes deep, complex statements about sexual and racial identity
sprinking chocolate chips on your beloved's breasts as you slam them in the car door
nonanaconda
a non Canon ad
a Canon ad
IS SNAKES OUT DERE DIS BIG
being Eiffel Towered by Jerry Sandusky and Roman Polanski while Jimmy Savile skullfucks a coma patient and Max Clifford tells you about his tiny penis and Bob Filner rubs his nutsack on you
Mono Grande
Great Uncle Bulgaria
Delll Creek
Fuck Quest, life is peaceful there
being Eiffel Towered by Jerry Sandusky and Roman Polanski while Jimmy Savile skullfucks a coma patient and Max Clifford tells you about his tiny penis
being Eiffel Towered by Jerry Sandusky and Roman Polanski while Jimmy Savile skullfucks a coma patient
being Eiffel Towered by Jerry Sandusky and Roman Polanski
that old man playing knick knack on your knee
Ocean's Eleven Swans
Ocean's Eleven POINT ZERO ZERO ONE
Fuck Quest
Deep Earth Ocean's Eleven
the Well Swanicured Swan
Ocean's Eleven
the Cigarette Smoking Swan
the Well Manicured Swan
the Fat Gay Asian Man
the Fat Man
the Well Manicured Man
Beck
Beer Woman
all right, let's just get this over with, Glennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Beck
Deer Woman
Leonid Slutsky's dream of a bipolar world
St Urho's Day
El Chullachaqui
bottoming for Rare Diamond in Deep Earth Oceans VII
Surprising Science Experiment Backs Five Second Rule For Dropped Food
Deep Earth Oceans Proven by Rare Diamond
Kindred Colon The Embraced
Glennnnnnnn Beck
Lance Henriksen is dead, that's a model ThreeFourOneB
just assuming that Lance Henriksen was dead
Glennnnnnn Beck
this decision was upsetting to the crew of Amalgamated Dynamics, as this was not the first film of theirs where they had found their work replaced
Glennnnnn Beck
selling fridges in the park with Parker Selfridge
being nominated for, but not winning, the Teen Choice Award for Choice Movie Hissy Fit for your roll as Parker Selfridge in Avatar
being nominated for, but not winning, the Teen Choice Award for Choice Movie Liar for your roll as Seth Davis in Boiler Room
finding Giovanni Ribisi's character from the X Files to be one of the scariest ever, because it's as if Giovanni Ribisi were given godlike powers
the Diet of Worms
sprinking the lawn
Glennnnn Beck
America were given godlike powers
finding Giovanni Ribisi's character from the X Files to be one of the scariest ever, because it's as if one of the pot smoking losers that make up sixty percent of the male high school population in America were given godlike powers
sprinking chocolate chips on Jewel's boobs as you spoon them
finding out Giovanni Ribisi is Giovanni Ribisi's sister in drag
Giovanni Ribisi's sister for lack of a better description
finding out Beck is two Scientologists in a raincoat trying to sneak into an R rated movie
finding out Beck is married to someone you would describe as Giovanni Ribisi's sister for lack of a better description
finding out Beck is a Scientologist
finding out Giovanni Ribisi is a Scientologist
gutting Steve Doeberg in the bathroom at church
gutting Steve Doeberg every night
Glennnn Beck
spreading your ass on your toaster
when it was semi relevant
not adding the regret "gutting Steve Doenberg every night" when it was semi relevant
Twin Long Rods as you knead them
spreading asser on your toast
Swann Beak
Swan Beak
wanting to start a rebellion by traveling to Pasadena and killing people of importance at the Quality Inn and the Rose Bowl
Glennn Beck
wanting to start a revolution by traveling to San Francisco and killing people of importance at the Tides Foundation and the ACLU
spooning Jewel's back boobs
Glenn Beck
The Overton Window is a political thriller by political commentator Glenn Beck
the Overton window theory
being paid in kroner at the Horniman Museum
watching the British version of Tanks for Nothing, Keep Your Pecker Up, about a fat gay cockney who works as a caretaker at the Horniman Museum
that when you just typed "a mirror" autofill gave you "deep throating Stephen Fry in Old, Gay, British Mirror VII"
a mirror
The more familiar the object or area, the clearer the iwizard
dawizard, da bears
dawizard
the medireview period
buttbuttins
clit heroes
CC Peniston does not even have email
dodol
the Canadian walrus in the Horniman Museum
vegan back boobs
Your breath will smell as if you'd been French kissing your dead grandmother
the Scunthorpe problem
back boobs
warding a cute rip
drawing a vegan picture
drawing TWO pictures
drawing a picture
drawing a picture of Kento being anidolically lit by light tubes and a mirror
wondering where the SIDS thing came from
anidolic lighting
on occasion
having impure thoughts about a teenage Jaunty Regent
having impure thoughts about a teenage Jenny Agutter
Prawn Connery
you can be my teenage Jenny Agutter swimming naked in a pond not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
you can be my teenage Jenny Agutter swimming naked in a pond
regicidal depression
drawing a picture of Sean Connery eating at City Wok
muscle pain
got your nose
A teen father in Northern California is under arrest after police say he bit the nose off his one month old son because he was frustrated with the infant's crying
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be Kento or Not to Be Kento" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Brian Peppers
A client server database is where you rim another mans asshole with your tongue and then force the full width of your girth in his ass
wondering how much crap the employees of City Wok must get each day, especially the Denver airport location
the rate of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome has tripled in the three years since the March twenty eleven Tohoku earthquake and subsequent nuclear disaster
suicidal depression
vaginas
wondering if Ki Adi Mundi ever narftled the Garthok
wondering if female Cereans have heads that look like enormous vaginas
Ki Adi Mundi had five wives
coding the lol in Mexico
being given the lolcode shoulder
Lontoon rakeets evolves into Lontoon parakeets
Lontoon rakeets, cheerio
catching a shiny Gravlax and trading it for a shiny Svid
Lontoon rakeets
svid
gravlax
hakarl
putin rape
Bostongurka
poutine rapee
flaskpannkaka
kroppkaka
marry girl cake
spettekaka
kasutera
Kek Lapis Sarawak
ostkaka
kladdkaka
watching an American crime drama performed in English but set on Long Island in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney playwright kisses Superman
having never tried carob
always thinking that Michael Caine is gay for some reason, probably because of Deathtrap
always thinking it was Michael Caine in Cocktail, cheerio, and being surprised every time when you find out that it was Bryan Brown, crikey
a movie gloryholing busboys
a movie glorifying busboys
Coming From A Batender
always thinking it was Michael Caine in Cocktail, and being surprised every time when you find out that it was Bryan Brown
PANTOMIME DAMES DESERVE OUR LAUGHTER AND RESPECT
A sexy, grownup, makeup wearing spider
If you would consider this than, please, condsider retail or maybe hotel room cleaning
I THOUGHT THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD I REWOUND IT TONS OF TIMES TO WATCH THE PARTS THAT I ENJOY MY FAVORITE IS THE PART WHEN THE SONG IN THE BACKROUND AT THE BAR IS MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT YOUR ADDICTED TO LOVE AND HE JUST LOOKS AT THIS GIRL AND HIS SMILE
wondering who brought to Britain the idea that ugly old men dressing up as women is hilarious
If you don't know what IQ is, but if you did, you are sure you could count your's without takeing off more than one shoe only if you are sure you may enjoy this film
Did you mean Colon Extinct Mammal Has an Extreme Underbite
Vikings 'brought sarcastic sense of humour to Britain'
Extinct Mammal Had an Extreme Underbite
Cocktail is a truly awful film
Mr Zuckerberg's private photographs also include a picture of him holding an apparently live chicken by its legs
engaging in sexula play during monthy period
Cunnilinctus performed on a menstruating woman
Women can get HIV from other women during sex, CDC reports
blood sports
having tubular testicles
Micromalthus debilis
Macrodontia cervicornis
finding your browser logged in to a deviantart profile you apparently made five years ago and have no memory of whatsoever
cossacks in cassocks should be wary of the cassowary
picadillo with piccalilli in Piccadilly is your peccadillo
watching a British crime drama performed in lolcode but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner
confusing cassowaries with pessaries
we should get a room
the Max Headroom broadcast signal intrusion
prone masturbation methods often cause conditioning and desensitization that prevent orgasm and sometime any real pleasure at all from other types of stimulation
confusing peccadillo with picadillo
collops
Kento Kentokento
Jerry Sandusky's The Parent Trap
Roman Polanski's The Parent Trap
Eiffelist to Ms Lohan
that Kento's sole imdb credit is for Disney's The Parent Trap
Carlos Valderrama
that we have not seen any evidence whatsoever that Kento and Lindsay Lohan are not the same person
Walrus Valderrama
four of the entries just say "walrus"
Lindsay Crush
guessing that Chris Lydon is one of the blurred out names on Lindsay's list
Snatchchat
using Whatspap to keep track of the number of HPV infections Lindsay Lohan has caused
it is known to be full of viruses though, badum tish
Flappy Lohan
there's actually a smartphone ap made just for her
wondering how Lindsay Lohan keeps a record of her sexual partners, like do they sign her, or sign like a guestbook that her PA has to keep track of or what
frankly being shocked that more of Lindsay Lohan's sexual partners didn't immediately die of drug overdoses shortly after the act
wondering if Heath Ledger's mental state was helped by knowing he'd put his dick somewhere Colin Farrell's had been
always hearing James Franco's name and thinking of James Gandolfini
it's a bit of a stretch calling Chris Lydon famous
This List Allegedly Reveals Every Famous Man Kento Ikeda Has Ever Been Eiffel Towered By
This List Allegedly Reveals Every Famous Man Lindsay Lohan Has Ever Had Sex With
that apparently Quentin Tarantino saved It's Pat
clicking on the wrong one
that thing google seems to do between searches now where it moves around the image, video and other links so that you keep clicking on the wrong one
wondering who is in charge of Google's Random Fucking Changes to the Interface That Irritate People But Improve Nothing Department
playing Dungeons and Dancers with Isadora Duncan
slamming your throat in church
Angela Isadora Duncan
land
Philip McClean, sixteen, from Queens
being smothered to death by gifts of cloaks and hats
heartbeat, increasing heartbeat
Rene Murat Auberjonois
jilling on
wondering how many total days of your life you've wasted jacking off Sam Etic
Twin Long Rods #Kento
being pwned by Bpnp
that apparently Carrie Fisher saved Hook, Sister Act and the Wedding Singer
wanting to go on record as saying that Google's new format is stupid and you hate it
weeks at least
Postcards from the Fudge
wondering how many total days of your life you've wasted
jacking off
wondering how many total days of your life you've wasted jacking off
Sam Etic
Larry Muller, Jr
Adan Clayton
The Fdge
Pono
bottoming for Boner O'Om in Real Human Skullfuck VII
Yes, The Bone Room sells real human skulls
that's not what I expected
boneroom dot com
D Hyphen War Colon Dragon Wars
Dragon Wars Colon D Hyphen War
Ich finde Ihren Mangel an Glauben beklagenswert
the death of Richard LeParmentier
your bathroom taking on a scent somewhere between a coffee shop and a dental surgery
reading an English epic poem transcribed in Old English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled viking warrior is paid in kroner
Grendel's mother
Beowulf was written in England, but is set in Scandinavia
Grendel
Nungal
Humbaba
Flappy Bird creator Dong Nguyen
Four family members were hospitalized this week after eating LSD
laced meat purchased from Walmart, according to Florida police
Rene Victor Auberjonois
Killer Tomatoes Be France!
Rick Rockwell getting banged by a pod of walruses in short period of time
playing Bone, Saw, Marry
Killer Tomatoes Eat France!
A young teenage girl desperately tries to earn enough money to buy a dress for a school rock and roll dance
Four family members were hospitalized this week after eating LSD laced meat purchased from Walmart, according to Florida police
having a huge piece of equipment
Rick Rockrock
Rick Rockwell
getting banged by a pod of walruses in short period of time
getting banged by a bunch of dolls in short period of time
getting banged by a bunch of guys in short period of time, Kento
getting banged by a bunch of guys in short period of time
heteropaternal superfecundation
superfecundity
Fowey
Cornwall
Vida, Oregon
Vida
Frisia
nonfecundity
infertility
not understanding that reference
Your potential regret of BONE SAW IS READY has already been added! It currently has a regret index of zero
Your potential regret of BONESAW IS READY has already been added! It currently has a regret index of one
not cats
kind of wanting a regret in which the protagonists are dogs and lesbians
kind of wanting a regret in which the protagonists are kids and lesbians
oh wait, Cagney & Lacey
kind of wanting a crime drama in which the hardboiled gumshoe protagonist is in fact just a large moody lesbian
kind of wanting a crime drama in which the hardboiled gumshoe protagonist is in fact just a large moody cat
dong hyperinflation
dong is a currency and slang for penis
also, dong isn't a slang word for vagina, just in case you didn't know
that would have worked better
pussy
needing more slang words for vaginas
watching a Lesbian crime drama performed in English but set in Lesbos in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cuntney gumshoe is paid in dongs
Lesbian Iraheta being voted off American Idol
having a lesbian crush on lesbianism and moving in with it the next day
lesbianism
cassowaries watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Mexico in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe drinks the water
cassowaries
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Mexico in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe drinks the water
listening to your coworkers talk about owls and owling
listening to your coworkers talk about cows and orking
oh my god you guys are both super nice and SO BORING
listening to your coworkers talk about kale and almond butter
in fact you seem to notice a lot of overlap
not that the two are mutually exclusive or anything
not being sure if it's PMS or you're just painfully horny right now
stealing with your stabby knives
Don't Shit Your Pants Colon King Of Shitting!
making the hugest offering to Cloacina
stabbing it with your steely knife, but just not being able to kill the beast
worshipping Cloacina
Lumber Island
Downham Market fire station destroyed in fire
Vanna White is fighting to save her teenage son after fears that he is being brainwashed by a monk from the Hare Krishna movement
I'm a vegetarian, half the zombies are vegetarian!
you don't want to be insulting to them, because maybe they became vegan in an attempt to lose weight, but it was still kind of shocking at how you could be vegan for a month and have absolute moral superiority over everyone while still having triple chins
that the remarkable thing about the vegans at your university was that a greater than average proportion of them were overweight, especially the women, so it was really weird for a bunch of fatties to be telling you about how healthy their diet was
reading back through the things you just wrote about vegan food and discovering that you've found a way to be even more condescending about it than usual
a pile of American bison skulls waiting to be ground for fertilizer
probably being grossed out by vegan sushi, which you assume is also a thing
being grossed out by sushi
not being sure if it is just the things you've tried but finding a lot of vegan food is about covering up the taste of lentils
kind of liking vegan food to the point that you will eat it in the same way you will eat, say, ethnic groups of foods, but not really wanting to pursue it as a lifestyle choice
finding that astonishing
they were about a quarter of the population
never living in halls at university
stuffing Brian Peppers with vegans
seriously wondering what it is like to live in a place where it is possible to refer to "all the vegans"
that the vegan stuffed peppers were actually the best thing in your dining hall at your university, and all the vegans would get incredibly pissed off when nonvegans took them, to the point of one throwing a guy's bowl of cereal across the hall
vegan stuffed Brian Peppers
stuffing Brian Peppers with a parmesan herb risotto
Richard Tiffany Gerbil
grilling Brian Peppers
meeting Brian PepperspeppersPEPPERS
meeting Brian Pepperspeppers
Ben Benben
Ben Brianbrian
Brian Benben
Dolph Lundgren has a master's degree in chemical engineering
I'll sing to you of silver swans, of kingdoms and carillons
Rudolf Lundgren
through the wind and the chill and the rain and the storm and the flood
wondering if Kim Jong un wears a corset, then thinking "yeah"
Richard Tiffany Gere
that if you google "Richard Gere," the fourth entry is about gerbils
that if you google "gerbil," the second entry is about Richard Gere
breeding a thirty foot gerbil to make your fever dream a reality
drawing a picture of Richard Gere being swallowed up by the anus of a thirty foot gerbil
you could probably accomplish it with a walrus
not really wanting to google headjobs until you find indisputable evidence of an adult placing their head inside another adult for sexual purposes
not being totally sure but basing your reasoning on the necessity of a newborn's head being much smaller than an adult's, and also the partially formed skulls of children being flexible enough to pass through the vaginal canal and pelvic opening
fucking anuses, how do they work
that in all fairness you have absolutely no medical training and little sexual training, but you never would have guessed that you could fit a fist up an ass, so you would no longer be surprised if someone could pull off a miraculous heading
placing an adult head into the vagina or anus of a sexual partner
suspecting that the bones of the pelvis would preclude ever placing an adult head into the vagina or anus of a sexual partner
still worked out better than Rough Sex Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day happened to fall on Fistfuck Friday this year
Rosencrantz and Patrick Swayze are Dead
not understanding why Valentine's Day didn't work out, you did everything right, including giving the hugest fisting to show how adorably beneficent you are
wondering if sticking one's entire head into a partner's anus or vagina is a real thing
Patrick Swayze is dead deep frying Stephen Fist in Fist of Fury VII
Patrick Swayze is dead
deep frying Stephen Fist in Fist of Fury VII
'tis better to give than to recieve
giving the hugest fisting
taking the hugest fisting
deep shouldering Stephen Fry in Mexico
ghosts and zombies are just projections of our own repressed cannibalistic and sexual fears and desires
why the hell would you keep eating something that made you bleed crip
confusing the Immaculate Conception of Mary with Jesus' Virgin Birth
Stan, however, has the mountain lion cubs perform an abortion on Kyle, removing the Antichrist, which Santa unceremoniously smashes with a sledgehammer
why the hell would you keep eating something that made you crap blood
let's hear it for the boy
A subplot claimed food at the Chipotle Mexican Grill resulted in customers defecating blood, a claim which was disputed by the restaurant chain within days of the episode's broadcast
such a talented dancer
when sleeping off a headache is the only cure
The Adventures of Kim Jong Un
David Carradine was the first
remembering Patrick Swayze's death because it was one of the last ones of the infamous Summer of Death
having discovered several times much to your surprise that Patrick Swayze is dead
Obvious exits are North, South, and Dennis
that if you ever have kids you won't be naming them Dennis
missed
wondering how you mised Dennis Hopper dying
finding a Dennis Rader lookalike with a terminal illness and a blackbelt and sending him on a suicide mission to bind, torture and kill Kim Jong Un
finding a Dennis Nilsen lookalike with a terminal illness and a blackbelt and sending him on a suicide mission to kill Kim Jong Un, then bathe and dress the body
finding a Dennis Miller lookalike with a terminal illness and a blackbelt and sending him on a suicide mission to kill Kim Jong Un, cha cha
finding a Dennis Thatcher lookalike with a terminal illness and a blackbelt and sending him on a suicide mission to kill Kim Jong Un
the very notion of a lunar powered bicycle
the very notion of a solar powered horse
western saloon and rocking chair porch
honestly not knowing what the deal is with MATT DAMON but thinking it's kind of funny anyway
Sheryl Crow's Solar Horse Farm!
wondering how California is in the springtime, MATT DAMON
wondering how California is in the springtime
the last days of an ineffectual government, when there's little else to do but try and work out who's banging who
David Cameron resorts to paying for Facebook fans because not enough people like him
finding a Dennis Leary lookalike with a terminal illness and a blackbelt and sending him on a suicide mission to kill Kim Jong Un
finding a Dennis Rodman lookalike with a terminal illness and a blackbelt and sending him on a suicide mission to kill Kim Jong Un
hops
waking up four hours twenty minutes after going to bed, having first drunk a can of Marley's Mellow Mood containing extracts of hops
setting itself, dammit
your alarm clock automatically itself for daylight savings time and you not realizing it so you put it ahead another hour and woke up an hour early
right in the thriller, showing that knight who's boss
right in the holder, showing that knight who's boss
right in the killer, showing that knight who's boss
Manuela, a yodelling dominatrix!
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he did want a serious relationship, he meant it
having sex with a bitch who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
watching "How It's Made Hot Kids" and expecting something really gross but it was fine
watching "How It's Made Hot Kids"
Kids, consuming wieners with ease
Dogs, consuming wieners with ease
imagining Kento crouching just out of shot in How It's Made Hot Dogs, consuming wieners with ease
Texas sentenced McGruff the Crime Dog actor John R Morales to sixteen years in prison for possession of drugs and weapons
David "Race" Bannon
that one of those machine can handle over seven hundred wieners per minute, which is just about half Kento's rate
being mesmerized by a man in top hat and tails, wearing a monocle, with a thin waxed moustache and a ventriloquist's dummy swinging a golden pocket watch on a chain
they don't call it the amazing race for nothing
being mesmerized by high speed hot dog machines
right in the kisser, showing that knight who's boss
The Amazing Race Watermelon Launch
watching "How It's Made Hot Dogs" and expecting something really gross but it was fine
Rubber bands vs Water Melon
watching "How It's Made Hot Dogs"
sneezing so hard you squirt out a little diarrhea
Polanski's Mellow Mood
Marley's Mellow Mood
adding the comment "this is how Kento Ikeda lived" to every porntube video you watch
adding the comment "this is how big jobs lived" to every huge dump you take
adding the comment "this is how lick jobs died" to every Steak n Shake meal you eat
Grawlix the Cat
adding the comment "this is how Steve Jobs lived" to every youtube video you watch
$%&!#
grawlixes
successfully retrieving both food and capacitors
adding the comment "this is how Steve Jobs died" to every youtube video you watch
wondering how the food and capacitor shopping went
been here forever
Zander Colezan Orteez
wondering if John Travolta was both Spambot and the Celebrity Regretter all this time
watching a Bartosz crime drama performed in Edjans but set in Sienna in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cozzins gumshoe is paid in kacper
meeting Ben Prizeef
having impure thoughts about a teenage Wiktor Reezeed
working at the all night Steak n Capacitors
vegan gelatophilia
having to go to sleep because it is six in the morning and you have to get up at eleven and do boring weekend things like buy food and power converters
having to go to sleep because it is SEVEN in the EVENING and you have to get up at TWELVE and do boring WEEKDAY things like SELL food and capacitors
John Titor
drawing a picture of Kaiden Keeneedia being Evie Towered by Catherine Lopeez and a william
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Catriona Reezeed
Hussain Colezan, eh
Kaiden Keeneedia
Adele Dazeem
vegan logorrhea
vegan gonorrhea
vegan gelotophilia
wanting to congratulate Kento on being elected Fuhrer of the North American Strawberry Growers Association
fisting Kento Bacon at home
katagelasticism
food and capacitors
delicious capacitors
having to go to sleep because it is six in the morning and you have to get up at eleven and do boring weekend things like buy food and capacitors
figuring out Groundskeeper Willie's vowel shift
oloctraplitung yaer ponus
elitcropalting your penus
watching a Scottie walk and talk on a Scottish walkie talkie with Scott Walker
there's no doubt that you are afflicted, you're totally obsessed and you will admit it
walking a Scottie with Scott Walker
deliberately misspelling penis as penus
walking out before Lydon's valedictory podcast had finished downloading, but signing Greenmaven's talk page with the traditional vale, "penis lol"
the three hour long procession where each and every fat gay Asian Chris Lydon had Eiffel Towered over the years walked up to his gravestone and placed a single red rose on it
they served Angels on horseback riding bicycles made with vegan Kento bacon
it was nice of the mortician to braid their penises together
Chris Lydon and Jack Greenmaven's awesome double funeral
wondering who will revert vandalism to Jackson C Frank's wikipedia page after Jack Greenmaven dies
wondering who will revert vandalism to Chris Lydon's wikipedia page after Chris Lydon dies
wondering who will play Christopher Lydon on Tanks for Nothing
after Chris Lydon dies
wondering who will play Christopher Lydon on Tanks for Nothing after Chris Lydon dies
snowballingcloser to death
felching closer to death
centimetreing closer to death
inching closer to death
Walruses Gone Wild
the life expectancy of a walrus is twenty to thirty years in the wild
wondering how long walruses usually live
let's face it, Chris Lydon's got another six months in him, at most
seeking gay geese
seeking gay grease
regret four one zero zero zero zero will be written around then
it'll be funnier in twenty years
hey, that's not fair, Chris Lydon is a septugenarian
A Nonagenarian Gee Geek Skis Toys
Kento on Asian Seeking Gay Grease
Kento the Asian Gay Fat
Kento el Grasa Gay Asiatico
how hard it is to find references to actual named Mexican pirates on the internet, like you have to do a couple of searches before you get anything, like, zoinks, Scoob!
how hard it is to find references to actual named Mexican pirates on the internet, like you have to do a couple of searches before you get anything
Diego el Mulato
Mexican Pirate wikiParty
giving Kento a Mexican pirate for his birthday
giving Kento a Mexican dirtbike for his birthday
drawing a picture of Kento riding a forty foot dirtbike
Kento's dirtbike being so big
eiffelpraxia
copropraxia
Kento's flowerbox being full of shitty pansies
Swanborg, hoo
Manborg, eh
Kento's shitbox being so big
Manborg
Kento's dirtbox being so big
Kentolalia
Kentophagia
humphead wrasses
Kento's hitbox being so big
wondering what wine goes best with fat gay Asian
ham and butter, then grilled in a hot skittle
wanting to make Kento gallantine for his birthday
drawing a picture of Kento being boned, his internal organs moved and forced to process meat, then restuffed into his cavity, and finally poached lightly and served with crackers
drawing a picture of Kento being deboned, his internal organs removed and processed into a forcemeat, then restuffed into his cavity, and finally poached lightly and served with crackers
Three Hundred and One Dalmatians
that the sequel to Three Hundred was not called Three Hundred Two Colon Three Hundred and One
being bid a day goodnight
drawing a picture of Kento, the Aristocrats!
drawing a picture of Kento being jointed, having crushed basil inserted between his skin and muscle, and roast with a honey glaze
drawing a picture of Kento being butterflied open, stuffed with ham and butter, then grilled in a hot skittle
Tonkento Pork
drawing a picture of Kento being bound up with twine and smothered in creamy sauce by hairy bikers
drawing a picture of Kento being cooked at around twenty minutes per pound by hairy bikers
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by hairy bikers
The Hairy Bikers' Asian Adventure
a number of the deaths were readily explicable
usually
not really anyway
it wasn't intentional
I guess
that you were the antichrist
not really giving it much credence
being literally told by someone who literally believed what they were telling you when you were around seven or eight years old that you were the antichrist
Haunting Evidence
being the antichrist
Holly Bobo
seeing the headline "Putin is cunning" and reading it as "Cunning Nip Suit"
drawing a picture of Kento smearing peanut butter on his genitals as Max Clifford looks on
sexy pistol shrimp
seeing the headline "Putin is cunning" and reading it as "Putin is cumming"
sex pistol shrimp
Clifford the Tiny Red Penis
"tiny penis" during the alleged assaults
none of the women who have come forward know each other yet
Lammily
none of the women who have come forward know each other yet several described repeated references by Mr Clifford about his "tiny penis" during the alleged assaults
carbine shrimp
pistol shrimp
IBS
IBC
having perpendicular breasts
having pendulous breasts
Newmans Own Mech
that in the Latin alphabet Jehovah starts with an I
getting the regret "nobody comments nevermore" and thinking, yup, there's a reason for that
the men were not being Eiffel Towered
drawing a picture of Harrison Ford and Sean Connery having sex with "father" in most Semitic languages, then being reminded that in the Latin alphabet Jehovah starts with an I
having sex with "father" in most Semitic languages
Massachusetts' highest court ruled Wednesday that a walrus who took cellphone photos of fat gay Asian men riding the Boston media personality and author did not violate state law because the men were not being Eiffel Towered
nude or partially nude
Massachusetts' highest court ruled Wednesday that a man who took cellphone photos up the skirts of women riding the Boston subway did not violate state law because the women were not nude or partially nude
After serving four years of an eight year prison sentence for a drug conviction and probation violation, Lil Boosie is finally going home
Russian President Vladimir Putin holds a press conference, saying that "force isn't needed right now" after deploying roughly sixteen thousand troops to Crimea
that Elton John has had a wife and family
who all seen the leprechaun say yeah
Ikeda Kento Daniel
announcing through Facebook that you have become an Asian Israelite, are "no longer into fat homosexuality" and that you want "a walrus and family"
Wentworth Arthur Matthew
y'all need to hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husband cause they rapin' everybody out here
"a wife and family"
announcing through Facebook that you have become a Hebrew Israelite, are "no longer into homosexuality" and that you want "a wife and family"
being slain by a head
being slain by a headless
Pinchy Stephen
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like THE MOON
having sex with Oasis
having sex with ABBA
Formation of the bicoid morphogen gradient colon an mRNA gradient dictates the protein gradient
having trouble believing that the Dark Side of the Moon alternate album cover is real, but so wanting it to be
Lucia di Lammermoor
I'm the one drawing pictures of Harrison Ford urinating on things having sex WITH THE MOON
doing a google image search for "i fucked the moon" with SafeSearch off
I'm the one drawing pictures of Harrison Ford urinating on things
having sex WITH THE MOON
I hope that doesn't sound accusatory because I freely admit I'm probably the worst one in that regard, but still
drawing a picture of bodily functions urinating on the moon on two gay guys having sex, actually on the moon
well, it's finally come, we've reached the point where all we talk about is bodily functions and gay sex
drawing a picture of Harrison Ford urinating on the moon
that Buzz Aldrin took the hugest piss on the moon
that Buzz Aldrin pissed himself on the moon
taking a shine to the work of Elias Koteas
drawing a picture of Harrison Ford urinating on a Ford license plate
Han's shart fits
Harrison Ford's tragic premature ejaculation problem
watching Harrison Ford get wrecked BEFORE a wookiee on Tatooine
watching Harrison Ford get wrecked with a wookiee on Tatooine
watching Rex Harrison get wrecked with a hedgehog in France
not giving the figgiest
not having the faggiest
not having the foggiest
not being on Spotify
wondering how much mutual Spotify playlist stalking you have to do with another person before you're technically engaged
a mind with a heart of it's own
Caucasian Shepherds
drawing a picture of Kento sliding down a very rusty and dirty slide
deep throating Stephen Fry in Old, Gay, British Mirror VII
drawing a picture of Kento and Stephen Fry jacking off to your reflection
writing that whole thing of regrets and passing out in bed
wondering if Kento and Stephen Fry can become aroused looking at one another, or if that's like trying to jack off to your reflection
doing a refrigerator vegetable drawer search for ginger root and finding quite a lot
drawing a picture of Kento surrounded by paramedics as he desperately tries to explain why he was masturbating in a tree and fell
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis being braided around Stephen Fry's bizarre, gnarled, ginger rootlike penis while Kento watches in a tree and masturbates
being craptastic
doing a google image search for ginger root and really wishing you hadn't written that regret
bottoming for Stephen Fry in Ginger Snaps VII
really having to get some sleep because it's daylight already
Stephen Fry's bizarre, gnarled, ginger rootlike penis
vegan swan stew
swan stew
Steswan Fly
sometimes wondering if Stephen Fry is actually the wonderful pornstar he's made out to be
bits o' gander
sometimes wondering if Stephen Fry is actually the wonderful rapper he's made out to be
the Mykerhawker Crisis
being bum rushed
bits o' moander
the Knickerbocker Crisis
sometimes wondering if Stephen Fry is actually the wonderful raconteur he's made out to be
fermenting revulsion
bonytongues
fomenting revolution
regret index chess, where the other half of the moves are gay porn titles
instigating revolution
regret index chess, where half the moves are just complaints about George Lucas
in accordance with regret index tradition, regret chess will have not two but THREE sides, white, black, and Asian
Kento is able to take two pieces at the same time
Bicoid Babe is the black queen, for obvious reasons
Kento is the white queen
the pawns should be swans
yours is better
the knights are Stephen Fry, the rooks are walruses, the King is Chris Lydon
the rooks should be Eiffel Towers
we should make a regret index chess set
it'll be funnier when he gets that knighthood
Stephen Fry rapes Kento Ikeda, Knight to Queen's Pawn
filling in Samantha Geimer's something something
wanting to write the regret "Roman Polanski, rape's something something" but not being able to fill in the something something
Stephen Fry, rap's Kento Ikeda
Kento Ikeda, porn's Stephen Fry
Ron Jeremy, porn's Mickey Avalon
Mickey Avalon, rap's Ron Jeremy
stroke me, stroke me
boiling the water in Mexico
having sex with a cuntboy who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
having sex with a dickgirl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
having sex with a girl in the bathroom at church
being shaved by seven dwarf lords
three elf kings under this guy
bottoming for three elf kings under the sky, seven dwarf lords in their halls of stone, nine mortal men doomed to die, and the dark lord on his dark throne in Lord of the Cock Rings VII
bottoming for the Fellowship of the Ring in One Ring to Bind Them All VII
imagining Boromir reading that last regret
you can't just nail a dildo on and call it quits
they'll find a way
not being sure there would be enough flesh left to manipulate after a full sex change in order to reverse said sex change
wondering if there are any male to female to male again transsexual porn stars
bottoming for Chris Nut in Chris Nut Scissors VII
chris nut scissors
es macht mir Spass
busting a pine nut
chris nut rocks
tall and tan and young and lovely, three out of four ain't bad anyway
each day as she walks to the sea
mechanical dong nuts
dongsdotexebert
inorganic pine nuts
chris rock nuts
ponderosa pine nuts
courtney pine nuts
chris pine nuts
mechanical pine nuts
Dongbert
organic pine nuts
Dilbert
rubbing out Kento in the bathroom
wondering why white people dressing up in blackface and acting like buffoons is off limits today, but men dressing up like women and acting like buffoons is still considered hilarious
implied prison rape in Yugioh FiveD's
that there are in fact two different ways to duplicate regrets Lydon
that there are in fact THREE different ways to duplicate regrets
Lydon
that there are in fact two different ways to duplicate regrets
that there are in fact two different ways to duplicate regrets
rubbing one out in the bathroom, Kento
rubbing one out in the bathroom, Kento
rubbing one out in the bathroom, Kento
rubbing one out in the bathroom, Kento
rubbing one out in the bathroom, Kento
this kills the regret
trying to work out how the 'dex copes with two identical regrets that may or may not have different regret indices and noticing that it can only "see" the first instance entered, including when the regret is searched for using the search box
the life of Won't Smith
digitally inserting Gungans into Bed Knobs and Broom Sticks
wondering what is up with all that this cute funny guy business
we could send each other the same damn pair of pants back and forth for the next ten years, each time including an ever more disgusting picture of Kento in some sexual chicanery or other
that we could package up some of the worst most disturbing but somehow plausible regrets we've ever written and circulate them as the interests of our guesses as to whom the Celebrity Regretter is
not being sure if hoaxes about Chris Lydon and the Boston aquarium are going to attract enough media or social media attention to warrant interest from snopes
wondering how the 'dex can be real if our comments aren't real
thinking that we should all work together to make up a really good internet hoax and try to make it to the top twenty five of snopes
that like half the 'dex only made sense in the context of the comments, often in the context of whichever were still in the recent comments list
the death of Will Smith before he was able to do some projects with the regret index
the death of Will Smith
bottoming for Charles Dick in Dick Militia Act MCMIII
Laura Buxton
Mister Ed, the talking zebra
the Dick Militia Act
Laura Buxton
going in sticky
misplacing Kento and not being sure where you left him, though it was probably in the Boston aquarium
going in wet
going in dry
digitally inserting Gungans into Inner Space
they may be relatively sticky with lubricant
making a music video with Kessie and Kanga twerking as they wash mid to high end sports cars
it seems the sticky fingers would be a liability during fisting
that maybe he chose Sticky Fingaz as his rapper name because he's really into fisting
the wonderful thing about Niggas is Niggas are wonderful things
C to the motherfuckin' R, homeboy, C to the motherfuckin' R
Piglets ain't shit but hoes and tricks
not being able to grasp why anyone, except possibly Winnie the Pooh, would choose Sticky Fingaz as his rapper name
getting a hand, shoulder, knee, and toe, knee and toe job from Sticky Fingaz, Fredro Starr and Sonny Seeza
getting a nose job from Sticky Fingaz, Fredro Starr and Sonny Seeza
getting a hand job from Sticky Fingaz, Fredro Starr and Sonny Seeza
crawlspace, the space where the Gungans are
they're hard to grasp
wondering if those are handles on Steelix
walking in on Pikachu bottoming for Ash Ketchum in Gotta Fuck 'Em All VII
getting a hand job from Onyx
baked meshes
you walked into that one
thinking that Pikachu is probably on the bottom
Bump mapping
thinking that Pikachu is probably at the top
Lickitung has gotta be at the top
wondering what the list of Pokemon ranked by frequency of appearance in erotic fanfiction would look like
REGIROCK used ROCK HARD NIPPLES! It was SUPER HOT!
rock hard nipples
scissors hard nipples
paper hard nipples
rock hard nipples
scissors hard nipples
paper hard nipples
rock hard nipples
Naboo space
Gungan space, the space where Gungans are
the Phantom Menace was fifteen years ago, Tim!
there's no such thing as Gungan space
that the Jedi and Republic assumption that Gungan space is populated entirely by fucking stupid retarded racist goddman piece of shit worthless cumdumpster CGI frogs was fairly central to the Phantom Menace's early scenes
being racist against Hutts
that the Jedi and Republic assumption that Hutt space is populated entirely by criminals was fairly central to the Phantom Menace's early scenes
Qui Gon Jinn was a revered, yet maverick and unconventional Human male Jedi Master
wondering why, if Qui Gonn had no moral reservations about using his evil Jedi powers to try to convince Watto to take currency that was of no worth to him, essentially stealing, he didn't want to just break into his shop and take the part he needed
watching a Jedi podracing drama performed in English but set on Tatooine in which you are taken out of the action every time the longhaired Jedi gumshoe tries to pay in Republic credits
reading about halfway through the Darth Plagueis article before wondering why you were reading it
Darth Nutbeam
bottoming for Darth Sidious in Expanded Universe VII
drawing a picture of Kento Marek being Senate Buildinged by Darth Vader and Darth Sidious
not realizing that Kento Marek was from D'C'Naaa
wondering whether the new sequels will feature Kento Marek bottoming for Darth Vader in Deep Core and Outer Rim VII, eh
finding it really hard to get excited about the forthcoming Star
Wars films in any way
wondering how many guys Vader's choke fucked
Kento Nixon
finding it really hard to get excited about the forthcoming Star Wars films in any way
Kento Nion
wondering whether the new sequels will feature Kento Marek
bottoming for Darth Vader in Deep Core and Outer Rim VII, eh
wondering how many guys Vader's choked for giggling at the phrase "Outer Rim"
Don Nutbeam
the new breed of fat cat colon the university vice chancellor
Danish Eat Nylon
Candid Rim Aim
man trap, not Leia
drinking a tincture of a fat gay bald Asian man
drawing a picture of a fat gay bald Asian man
'Human Barbie' strives to become Breatharian who lives off light and air
how wonderful it would be if someone were to pay millions for a 'three way sex tape' featuring Marilyn Monroe, John F Kennedy and Robert F Kennedy explaining gonochorism in a laboratory setting
John F Kennedy, Robert F Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe 'three way sex tape' set to hit auction block
Celebrities going braless View Gallery
Man sues McDonald's for $one point five million after being given only one napkin
wondering what Kento would look like bald
Professor sacked after accidentally beaming adult website Pornhub through projector during lecture
Loins of Legion
that the Japanese title of the movie "The Wolverine" is Wolverine Colon SAMURAI
drawing a picture of Alec Guinness and Ewan McGregor freeballing
drawing a picture of Alec Guinness and Ewan McGregor balling
their willies together
what adds up the way it did when we were young
drawing a picture of Alec Guinness and Ewan McGregor balling their willies together
Pew, Me Hearty!
seeing someone who balled his willies one time, it was very sad
Rapes Vowed
Earl Semen Sajjo
spelling Naboo wrong
I Balled My Willies
spelling Nubia wrong
spelling D'C'Naaa and Kashyyyk wrong
Genuine Class
sorry, D'C'Naaa
Nens "Hasty" Chrideen, of the Great Empire of D'C'Naa, he
seeing someone who got caught in a charfire riser one time, it was very sad
Rarsh Fnordio
killing for Krall Hammi at the Quality Inn Des Panaa, near the Sor Bowel, this Sunday at eight in the evening
Charfire Riser, the five hundred ton cocaine addicted princess
Protesters in New York City Rally for Ukraine Protesters Rally for Ukraine
Kel Joylad
Nens "Hasty" Chrideen
Grogee Sluca
Senator Pake Ruke of the New Republic
not having a white wedding that day even though it was a perfectly nice day for a white wedding
Pake Ruke
Myul Hawdd
Paul Hawke
fusing Myke Hawke with Paul Rudd
HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO
Kepavulin Butt
fusing Paul Butt with Kevin Butt
cofusing Paul Butt with Kevin Butt
confusing Paul Rudd with Kevin Rudd
moving is fleet
getting within five minutes of the end of Idiocracy before you realized half the extras look like Zach Braff
Curves&Nerves
feelings vomit
or Chris Meloni
Paul Rudd, basically
leading, following, or getting out of the way
completely screwing up your sleep patterns
Australia, where even the trees are trying to shoot you in the eye
Poland will not shit its guts out
Poland will not sweat its guts out
the Great Game
Australia, where even the trees are trying to kill you
the eucalyptus tree is pretty much the biggest asshole of the plant kingdom
the eucalyptus tree is designed to catch fire, spread fire and then grow back once its competitors have been destroyed in that fire
that if there is not a gay porn star named Vladimir Putitin, you will give up everything and become a gay porn star named Vladimir Putitin, because the world really needs a gay porn star named Vladimir Putitin
bottoming for Vladimir Putitin in Crimean War Two Colon Crimeaner War
downloading a podcast of Chris Lydon telling people that's just, like, their opinion, man
center terger
terger
Fired for urinating in a box, a Minnesota factory worker takes a company to court, don'tcha know
you'd watch it if they somehow managed to work in Helle Thorning Schmidt
not really being into that, but having to admit you'd probably watch it
First Lady keeps promise by releasing video of Barack Obama, Joe Biden skiing
smelling like sex and walruses
First Lady keeps promise by releasing video of Barack Obama, Joe Biden jogging
seriously Kento, we've been through this so many times, you fall in love with these guys but all they want from you is sex
you should probably make sure you're not just doing things for the sake of this dude, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean
deep frying Stephen Throat in the bathroom at church
Putin Approves Hot Military on Military Action in Ukraine
Russian Parliament Approves Military Action in Ukraine
VENUSAUR used CHLOROPHYLL! It was kind of OK, no pressure or anything
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon telling people that's just, like, their opinion, man
Stephen Fry deep throating Twin Long Rods #Two
that one of the benefits of deep throating Stephen Fry is you don't have to look at his face, I guess
deep throating Stephen Fry in the bathroom at church
Wet Hot American Cute Funny Dude
This American Cute Funny Dude
A Mississippi man has been found literally 'alive and kicking' in a body bag at a funeral home after being declared dead
still, this dude, this cute funny dude, who invented the podcast and has his own NPR show now
Vegaan Dazs
going back and forth between feeling good or at least on the right track, and feeling so so so dumb
still, this dude, this cute funny dude
that if you're too scared to like this dude to his face, you should probably make sure you're not just doing things for the sake of this dude
Venusaur wanting a frivolous relationship
Venusaur
wanting a frivolous relationship
Verdensur
deep throating Sylvia Browne
making Kento the embittered associate director of the FBI who leaks information, probably from his anus, to the press as a form of political revenge against the President
deep throating Kento
knowing that there isn't a way to win the day and get the girl, or not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex win the day or even get the girl, but still trying, kinda said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
knowing that there isn't a way to win the day and get the girl, or win the day or even get the girl, but still trying, kinda
wanting a serious relationship
Vegan Haagen Dazs
Haagen Dazs
making the next regret purely so you can make the regret after it, which has a nice sound
probably should have pitched that last one for real
bottoming for Sandra Bullock in Amazon Warriors VII
that honestly, you think Sandra Bullock is probably out of your price range, but you are tempted to return her for a full refund before your credit card demands more blood
suspecting you will either one day serve as ground crew for Amazon Overlord's drone armies or perish at their tiny buzzy motors
the urgency with which Amazon offers you everything from this year's Academy Award contenders which you assume just means the movies to household essentials, whatever it thinks those are, at three in the goddamn morning
this morning's three o'clock email from Amazon containing more shit you cannot afford and have no intention of buying
guessing that the Titanic II rumors are probably false since both Werner Klingler and Herbert Selpin are dead
wondering if those Titanic II rumors are true
not remembering Avatar being quite so stupid, though you remembered it being fairly stupid
Britain's top lions unite to condemn 'Aslan cure' therapies as abusive and scientifically unsound, cheerio
Britain's top psychiatrists unite to condemn 'Asian cure' therapies as abusive and scientifically unsound, cheerio
Monkey steals KENTOPro camera and takes forest selfie
Dora the Explorer will shit you out dead with zero warning
Pandora will shit you out dead with zero warning
Balablok
wondering if we could do a roll call
in my country, teenager sets YOU on fire before jumping off buildings
the teenager who likes to set himself on fire before jumping off buildings
Monkey steals GoPro camera and takes forest selfie
Britain's top psychiatrists unite to condemn 'gay cure' therapies as abusive and scientifically unsound
I have had it with these motherfucking tapeworms on this motherfucking plane
gold dragons
seeing a girl post to deviantart a photo of her gut with "when will I stop feeling so fat" and replying with "maybe when you stop posting pictures of your gut on the internet"
the child who is born on the Sabbath Day is bonny and blithe and good and gay
right after eat a vegan clam, if know what Hulk mean
Category Colon Parasite aircraft
Hootie and the Screamfish
Hootie xor the Suckfish
Mrs 'Arris Goes to Paris
contemporary rumor was that the heart attack had been caused by a strenuous sexual encounter
being sure you were subjected to the music of Hootie and the Blowfish at the time they were popular but only being able to remember them from that F#R#I#E#N#D#S# episode where they're mentioned
Hootie xor the Blowfish
bottoming for Jonathan Livingston Blowgull in Fowlrobics IV Colon Too Hot For TV
Jonathan Livingston Blowgull
Jonathan Suck
British Spies Capture Nude Pictures But Years of Alcohol Abuse Leaves Them Unable to Get Erections
British Spies Capture Nude Pictures
Jonathan Blow
HULK LIKE CLAM!
right after eat a clam
Hulk like clam
drinking clam juice right after eat a clam
drinking orange juice after brushing a banana
drinking coffee right after eating a banana
wikipedia declaring the Jacob's ladder toy "dates back to the Pilgrim times in America," then shortly "Despite the urban myths prevalent on the internet, there is no known documentation dating it to Tutankhamun's tomb or ancient Egypt or to the Pilgrims"
bottoming FVE
bottoming for
Kento no fushigina katakata
Gennai no fushigina katakata
being careful with me, I'm fragile
canine behavior
human eathavior
human behavior
You can't beat the Axis if you get VD, and by the way, screw you, VD
You can't beat the Axis if you get VD
Gonorrhea Chlamydia Herpes QAB
Great Chimp Hero Quest
Giant Cygnet Hatchery Quest
Gay Cocksucker Homo Queer
Goose Chicken Hen Quail
Peppa Pig Passes
Garbage Collection Head Quarters
"It is a longstanding policy that we do not comment on intelligence matters," a spokesperson for GCHQ said
we're internet married now
that you've been orange pie and I've eaten orange pie and we both found it delicious
Pokemonium
population tire
there are many things that Kento's bowel is, but small ain't one of them
having been orange pie and found it to eat delicious
Kento's MINUSCULE bowel
Kento's small bowel
having eaten orange pie and found it to be delicious
that Eminem is starting to look like Kathy Bates
Pappa Pisses
the duck envying the swan
they'd send him as soon an Old Nun's Twat
rotting penis envy
the dickless envying the dicked
the dead envying the dead
Pippa Passes
Polemonium
wondering if zombies whose genitals are mostly intact are envied by those whose aren't
seriously, he somehow managed to make the hat look like a turban, a sombrero, and a yamulke at the same time
General Horkxor Eww being George Lucas's most racist character to date, being a pastiche of awful stereotypes of no fewer than twenty seven ethnic and or religious groups
General Horkxor Eww of the New Republic, coming to a screen near you in twenty and fifteen
hork xor eww
hork and or eww
Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, tapewormlike penis
Kento's tapeworms
wondering if Kento ever checks in with us because he's got a spare and he really wants to share the excitement of boweling with others
wondering if Ryan ever checks in with us because he's got a spare and he really wants to share the excitement of boweling with others
Kento's ass must have been to the moon and back by now
you can only put so many miles on an ass before it starts to show some wear and tear
thinking that Kento's anal ailments must have come up for discussion in the past
wondering what your objection to using a phone number to automate a twitter bot was
assuming that "ass abcesses" referred to abcesses on Kento's buttocks, not anal fissures
it may have been in the comments
thinking that we must have talked about Kento's anal fissures at some point
imagining that the random regret generator will eventually give a regret that is just Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento Kento
that the random generator gave you regret two three three zero four after entering that last regret
that we have talked about the firmness of Kento's ass, the flavor of his asshole, the sweatiness of his ass, and the appeal that his ass has for Chris Lydon, but I believe that this is the first time his ass abcesses have entered the equation
guessing that there hasn't been a day in the past couple of years when we didn't talk about Kento's ass
al roker being an apricot aspic assiduously reporting the aspca assembling an assemblage of Kento's acute ass abcesses being assayed with an app by sa for Chris Lydon in an ascot and an asp in an apse in Essex asap for al jazeera, ese
wondering if Ryan ever checks in with us because he's got a spare and he really wants to share the excitement of bowling with others
al roker eating an apricot aspic assiduously reporting the aspca assembling an assemblage of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon in an ascot and an asp in an apse in Essex asap for al jazeera, ese
wondering if Ryan ever checks in with us because he's got a spare couple of hours, maybe Jenny's out somewhere and he's got nothing going on and he's thinking about fixing the comments like he meant to do a couple of months ago, and we're talkin Kento ass
al roker assiduously reporting the aspca assembling an assemblage of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp in an apse in Essex asap for al jazeera, ese
al roker reporting the aspca assembling an assemblage of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp in an apse in Essex asap for al jazeera, ese
the aspca assembling an assemblage of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp in an apse in Essex asap, ese
the aspca assembling an assemblage of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp in an apse asap, ese
the aspca drawing a picture of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp in an apse asap, ese
both eww and hork
drawing a picture of Kento's ass abcesses being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp in an apse asap, ese
drawing a picture of Kento's ass being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and an asp asap, ese
drawing a picture of Kento's ass being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and a walrus asap, ese
drawing a picture of Misty scissoring with Scizor
drawing a picture of Kento's ass being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and a walrus, ese
drawing a picture of Ash being threaded through by Professor Oak's bizarre, striated, wurmplelike penis
drawing a picture of Kento's ass being assayed by sa for Chris Lydon and a walrus
drawing a picture of Kento being horn drilled by Rhydon and Professor Oak
being given the double slap by Mister Mime in Pallet Town
Senor Microfono
Herr Mikrofon
being given the cold mildewey towel in Scandinavia
drying yourself with a mildewy towel in Mexico
both eww and hork
professional entertainers use Mister Microphone for rehearsing spooning Jewel's spoor
reading Jewel's spoor
spooring Jewel's spoor, Jewel
reader, I married him
kroner, he meant it
hideous mutant swans
stupidly answering mental questions asked by other people
mentally answering stupid questions asked by other people
irregular swans
venti swans
the very suggestion that such a thing as a regular swan exists
actually just regular swans would probably be fearsome enough
playing the first person shooter Myke Hawke Colon Blood and Feathers where you have to protect the world from attacks by hideous mutant swans
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a hardboiled cockney gumshoe trope
not realizing until you had wasted lots of cash that when your hardboiled cockney gumshoe said he didn't want to be paid in kroner, he meant it
"Mister Mime Delia" gets about one point one million hits
wondering how much Mr Mime slash Ash's mom fanfiction there is out there
professional pokemon trainers use Mister Mime for rehearsing
professional entertainers use Mister Microphone for rehearsing
spooning Jewel's spoor
ocular pokemon
Mister Mister Microphone Hack!
Mister Mime
Mister Mister
Mr Microphone Hack!
Mister Maker
Mister Microphone
Mister Murder
a killer pokemon
Sanchuniathon
a killer poke
that Facebook has been around for ten years, and you still only have a joke login name so that you can use the search function burning Jeff Bridges
that Facebook has been around for ten years, and you still only have a joke login name so that you can use the search function
burning Jeff Bridges
spurning Jennifer Aniston's boobs
spooring Jewel's boobs
spooning Jennifer Aniston's boobs
thinking that Ludo was probably the best F#R#I#E#N#D#
two thousand zero zero
Harry Knowles
hairy gnolls
Ozamataz Buckshank
wondering if the Sentient Regret Index has teamed up with the Sentient Amazon dot com to fuck with you
wondering why Myke Hawke hasn't yet licensed his name and likeness to a first person shooter video game
the Occupy Kento movement
not being Kento
not eating Kento
drawing a picture of Kento on his knees grinning as Chris Lydon slowly, yet forcefully, threads him through with his bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis
not sa
wondering who says "two zero zero nine"
wondering if Amazon emails everybody at three in the morning, every morning, or if you've just done something to piss off a faceless megacorporation with a fleet of drones at its disposal
that she wasn't your friend, she was everybody's friend
but Rachel had the best breasts
thinking that Joey was probably the best F#R#I#E#N#D#
staying in touch with Jennifer Aniston's breasts
staying in touch with your best friend's breasts
writing your essay through sodomy
Someone who will only accept sex if it is through sodomy
writing your essay
SA is short for Seduction Abduction, a term coined during the summer of two zero zero nine as a means to describe a desire to abduct, then seduce, actor Jackson Rathbone
how retarted people spell retarded
the European Society of Endocrinology
How retarted people spell ese
still not slashing sa
still not knowing sa is Slash
still not knowing who sa is slash was
drawing a picture of sa on his knees grinning as Reg Varney slowly, yet forcefully, works his massive, throbbing, veiny cock in the back door
searching for semicolonmb in your Kindle and by the way, screw you MB
with a great clarity, and you google them to find out what
searching for semicolondm in your Kindle
even thinking about doing anything with Reg Varney's penis
when you remember people from a long time ago suddenly, but with a great clarity, and you google them to find out what they're doing with their lives but they no longer seem to exist
drawing a picture of Viktor Yushalnotpas, Reg Varney, and Reginald VelJohnson colliding their hardons together into a hideous tangled rats' nest
that one girl at your school got a hard time about having the same last name as Reginald VelJohnson's character in Family Matters, which was obscure even then
that one girl at your school got a hard time about having the same last name as Reg Varney's character in On the Buses, which was obscure even then
thinking girls named Barbara would get a hard time about bras from the other kids in school
drawing a picture of Shrek slathered in Donkey sauce
HELP!!!!!! I'M A FISH!!!!!!
drawing a picture of Shrek balls deep in Eddie Murphy's career
Shrek Five Colon No We're Not Kidding
Help! I'm a Fish
Duck Golf
Patrick Green plays out of the rough
A player getting out of the rough on Goolagong, hole #three, Whitcombe Disc Golf Course, Benamister, Dorset, UK
"Steady Ed" Headrick, Father of Disc Golf
Disc Golf
ating ramen al dente
Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Have Sex Whenever I Go Number THREE
Help! My Boyfriend Wants to Have Sex Whenever I Go Number Two
as Kento would tell you, it is quite dangerous to be Eiffel Towered on uneven ground
imgur com slash vkxSXKTwo
Yehi hai right choice, Puppy
Yehi hai right choice, Baby
Adrian Paul Hewett
Sir Adrian Paul Ghislain Carton de Wiart
weoo ooo
duck rape
wondering what it would be like to watch Stephen Fry sixty nine Kento
Alec Baldwin landing the stabbing role in Two Hundred and One Homos
wondering what criteria are used in OMOH ranking
Homo troglodytes
troglodytes
Alec Baldwin landing the starring role in Two Hundred and One Homos
farts that smell like vegan food
stale food that smells like farts
Uganda is awash in homos
farts that smell like stale food
bottoming for Uganda's two hundred homo tops in Ugandan Discussions VII
Uganda's Next Top Homo
winning Uganda's Top Homo Male with seventeen votes
wondering what criteria are used in homo ranking
the early twenty first century
playing Myke Hawkepocalypse
bottoming for Uganda's top two hundred homos in Ugandan Discussions VII
entering into Ugandan discussions
not making the list of Uganda's Top Two Hundred Homos and feeling that you totally got snubbed
playing ROCKpocalypse
playing SCISSORSpocalypse
playing PAPERpocalypse
playing ROCKpocalypse
playing SCISSORSpocalypse
playing PAPERpocalypse
playing ROCKpocalypse
playing SCISSORSpocalypse
playing PAPERpocalypse
zebranaurs
ha'ponies
gnoats
dorveshes
Mt Gox
playing Rockpocalypse
really really having to kento now
really really having to go now
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in myke roner
being given the Myke Holde shoulder
I've really got to go to sleep
eating the whole thing of kimchee and lying in bed laughing so hard you feel sick
lying in bed laughing so hard you feel sick
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon hanging himself from a rafter with his own bizarre, striated, earthwormlike penis
drawing a picture of Viktor Yushalnotpas, Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge, Fuqat R Vfcalapa, and Sambo Chuppers braiding their penises together into a hideous tangled rats' nest
being given the cold Panthro
not hooking up with a trannie hooker in the dumpster behind Steak n Shake
buying multiple copies of the book "Having Impure Thoughts About Your Ex From Five Years Ago in Tehran" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North five years ago in Tehran
hardgummed boily cockshoe Mexico
drinking the water in the bathroom at church
buying multiple copies of the book "Having a Lesbian Crush on Christina Ricci" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Brian Peppers
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the Jewel's boobs out of a shoe trope
being given the cold death of Sylvia Browne
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth is paid in kroner
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner, stat
Your potential regret of slamming Jewel's boobs in the car door has already been added!
old Winona Rider
having sex with a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old Winona Rider
having sex with a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said he didn't want a serious relationship, he meant it
having sex with a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old
having sex with a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth who looked a lot like Janice Dickinson
having a lesbian crush on a one legged Pakistani girl who looked a lot like Alison Iraheta
having dinner with a girl who looked a lot like Tim Duncan
that girl just can't catch a break
Viktor Yushalnotpas having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Tim Duncan, leaving Britney alone
Viktor Yushalnotpas
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Tim Duncan
leaving Britney alone
googling "Leave Britney Alone" to see when that happened and finding to your surprise that it was two thousand ought seven, and that was a dude in a wig
wondering if anyone ever called Britney Spears to see if she wanted to make a sequel to Crossroads
wondering if Dan Aykroyd is always calling Britney Spears to see if she wants to make a sequel to Crossroads
always getting Ivan Reitman, John Hughes, and Chris Columbus mixed up
A Sinful Lawn
Nil Anus Flaw
being either the reincarnation or the tulpa of Dan Aykroyd's career
putting Viktor Yushchenko and Viktor Yanukovych in the Large Hardon Collider
Eiffewa
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Viktor Yushchenko and a grizzly bear when you actually inteded to draw Viktor Yanukovych
Metabee
thinking that until today you've probably always elided Yanukovych and Yushchenko
Viktor Yanukovych losing the two thousand and four election to Viktor Yushchenko
mission control, more like mission cunt roll amirite
mission control, calling QUARKNOVA
mission control, calling HYPERNOVA
mission control, calling supernova
Panthro in Heat
A Walrus in Heat
A Walrus in Full
troubling thoughts
Swanfire of the Manatees
A Swan in Full
Bonfire of the Manatees
wondering what it's like for Alec Baldwin to reflect on the fact that the high point of his career was a guest spot on the Simpsons
delicious Jack Greenmaven roast
delicious beef back roast
being either the reincarnation or the tulpa of Harold Ramis
Moon flashes Earth after getting pounding from MASSIVE meteorite
Jack Greenmaven Zircon
just now having an awesome idea for the plot of Ghostbusters III
Jack Hills Zircon
due to its being spread by returning French troops, syphilis was initially known as the "French disease that makes people look like Janice Dickinson"
slamming your dick a lot like Ryan North
glorious beets and tractors
odobenous benefactors
anxious benefactors
allopecious benefactors
stars fading but me lingering on, dear
anonymous manufacturers
pseudonymous benefactors
enormous benefactors
wondering how long it will be before Dan Aykroyd claims to still be in touch with Harold Ramis
the death of Harold Ramis
Wiener Maria Schnitzel
being awash in gay people
transgender walruses
due to its being spread by returning French troops, syphilis was initially known as the "French disease"
anonymous benefactors
Ys
our hero, Semaj Noremac, whose brother hit his balls on the corner of a table and died of a broken heart or something like that
Zena Fulsom
In a Gadda Da Vida
Ina Maria Schnitzer
wadsworth halflings
tallfellow halflings
that it's a pretty great joke
I actually wrote that regret as an obvious setup because I love the joke so much
great minds thinking alike a Mario, mama mia
great minds thinking alike
feeling like hand severance porn is probably hard to get off to, but not wanting to make another "hard to grasp" joke
it's hard to grasp
wondering if there really is hand severance porn out there, and if so why anyone would get off on it
reaching the point in your life when you can watch TV shows from your childhood and notice significant technological differences between then and now
Argh! Friggin' yoga schools!
trying to stick Geimer's fingers in Polanski's anus
It all goes in the vault!
that the regret index's eighth anniversary is coming up in two months
trying to stick all Giever's fingers in Avestriel's anus
that it's almost ten years since you graduated from college
that you keep thinking it's twenty fifteen for some reason
that it's twenty fourteen, holy shit, TWENTY FOURTEEN, where the hell have the last ten years gone
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen inserting his digits into women who probably died a hundred years ago
Hayden Christensen has been digitally inserted into all of them
wondering if George Lucas' porn folder is full of digitally restored and enhanced "what the butler saw" mutoscopes
Star Wars is the one with Daleks, right
Your potential regret of candlejacking off has already been added!
no, that was Star Wars
that episode of TOS where redshirts keep losing their hands to syphilis and gangrene as they starve to death in internment camps
candlejacking
that when you were a kid watching TNG, the original series seemed impossibly old to you, as though it were made in the Civil War era, but TNG is older to you now than TOS was to you then
Steven Spielberg Presents Animaniacs Colon Wakko's Wish
that Star Trek Colon The Next Generation's final episode was almost twenty years ago
not realizing until you had been Eiffel Towered lots of time that when your exes said they didn't want a serious relationship, they meant it
that Animaniacs aired for the first time more than twenty years ago
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said it didn't want a serious relationship, it meant it
spending an evening turning on, tuning in, and jacking off to pictures of your ex from five years ago, man
microdotjacking
dotjacking
wakkojacking
yakkojacking
not realizing until you had wasted lots of time that when your ex said she didn't want a serious relationship, she meant it
yolkjacking
hearing the line "The stars are going inside her! She's taking the whole forest!" followed by "Oh this is really quite wonderful!"
jokejacking
wondering whether it would be considered a horsejacking or a bikejacking if one were to jack a horse riding a bicycle
Category Colon Horsejackings by Country
all horsework and no horseplay makes Horsejack a dull horseboy
horsework
horseplay
wondering if the guy in the Ed's Dong Repair shirt is actually Ed or if the demand for dong repairs is so great that Ed had to hire additional employees
getting a dong repair in the dumpster behind the old Arbuckle place
Ed's Dong Repair
installing ewoks on your computer
installing eunuchs on your computer
Piper Myke Hawke
Piper Maru Klotz
being the whole bag of sour patch kids
eating the whole bag of sour patch dogs
dogs these days with their happy pills, in your day you involved
yourself in other people's entertainment, you didn't make it
yourself in your own headyourself in your own head
dogs these days with their happy pills, in your day you involved yourself in other people's entertainment, you didn't make it yourself in your own head
kids these days with their happy pills, in your day you involved
yourself in other people's entertainment, you didn't make it
yourself in your own head
kids these days with their happy pills, in your day you involved yourself in other people's entertainment, you didn't make it yourself in your own head
Charles Marie Ferdinand Walsin Esterhazy
indolence is a suppository
ten year old boys roaming the wilderness getting caught in clams
it's usually a pill, actually
and ecstasy is a gas
The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy is a liquid
No way! The clam caught my attack!
vivere senza rimpianti
the fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water"
vivere senza rimipanti
the way that Jim Davis draws female lips
Chris R
guessing that George Lucas's desktop image is a picture of a uniquely modded classic car, due to his fondness for endlessly fucking with old things that were already good enough to be extremely popular in their own time
the use of pants
The Walt Disney Company threatened to sue Marvel for infringement of copyright claiming that Howard looked too similar to Donald Duck and enforced a different design, including the use of pants
Silicone Valley
Ron Howard the Duck
not being able to remember if someone does actually lose a hand IN Howard the Duck
four forty five
buying that Kento game for the Wii where Kento goes down to the docks and gives stuffed walruses to the longshoremen
buying that Kento game for the Wii where Kento goes down to the docks and gives fetish porn to the longshoremen
buying that Kento game for the Wii where Kento goes down to the docks and gives handjobs to the longshoremen
fetish porn
there's no joke or hidden meaning, that's just my goose
there's no joke or hidden meaning, that's just my guess
guessing that George Lucas's desktop image is a picture of a uniquely modded classic car
severance
that alternate ending to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in which the Grail Knight uses his big ass sword to sever everyone's hands, preventing them from selecting the Holy Grail
not being able to remember if someone does actually lose a hand in Howard the Duck
forgetting about Willow
the scene in Willow in which Warwick Davis is going elbow deep up Val Kilmer's pooper, gets it stuck, and is forced to cut it off
being almost tempted to track down and watch eighties family comedy Lucas, and potentially have impure thoughts about a teenage Winona Rider
that scene in The Emperor wherein some character, possibly the Emperor unless the title is not a literal one, has a hand severed
that cut scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark where Indy reaches under the closing door for his whip and the slab drops, severing his hand
that cut scene from THX OneOneThreeEight in which LUH ThreeFourOneSeven closes the bathroom cabinet too quickly and severs her other hand in the door
that cut scene from American Graffiti in which Bob and Laurie stagger from the wreck missing a hand each
guessing that George Lucas's hard drive is full of hand severence fetish porn
Three Musketeers beating off Go on the path
wondering if the Barbie game is Island Princess or Barbie and the Three Musketeers
beating off Go on the path
going off the beaten path
buying that Barbie game for the Wii where Barbie goes down to the docks and gives handjobs to the longshoremen
SGX
SFX
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Olga Khokhlova and a chinchilla
Kentos rancheros
Olga Khokhlova with a Mantilla
Denver, the last dinosaur, he's my friend and a whole lot more, if you know what I mean
elfos rancheros
that the banner is still there
just now realizing that the banner is gone
elfos oscuros
Operation Cat Elves
Cat Elves are introduced when Northstar learns he has been deceived by Loki
Dark Elves are ruled over by Malekith the Accursed, and the most powerful amongst their ranks was Algrim the Strong
the Dark Elves were driven from their homeland and settled in Naggaroth
Operation Clark County
dark elves
Vegan Eggs Oscar
Eggs Oscar
fishfingers dot cheerio
fatfingers dot ca eh
fatgayasians dot com
fatfingers dot com
The Grauniad
that youtube seems to be working, at least for watching embedded videos of old cartoon intros
wondering if youtube is down for anyone else now
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by a suitcase sized, legless homeless man who appears in a plastic shopping bag on your mom's computer desk and OH GOD THE SPIDERS
thinking that might well be less fun for the rest of us
thinking that one point in favor of going on a DPH trip is that it would be fun to look back on the regrets you wrote during it after the fact
having yet another dream in which you got drunk
imagining Chris Lydon's ball sack to be sherry, or possibly Canary
imagining Chris Lydon's ballsack to have freakish amounts of hair, like with strands up to twenty feet long, and of a variety of colors ranging from lime green to jet black
he who pays the piper calls the tune
Joining The Backdoor Betty Club Colon A Beginners Guide to Anal Sex
imagining Chris Lydon's ballsack
imagining Chris Lydon's ballsack to be glabrous
wondering if the show about a crow that does IT would be a direct spinoff of Tanks for Nothing, or just kind of a show in the same vein where they like have some characters do crossover guest roles
licking nutella off of Chris Lydon's shaven ball sack
YARDAGE shows a lone bagpiper playing amid yesterday's clashes
Footage shows a lone bagpiper playing amid yesterday's clashes
wondering why a nurse would shoot in front of your hotel
joing ANUS
UKRAINE NOT WEAK
The nurse shot in front of my hotel, later tweeting "I'm dying" had surgery, is still alive
the Ukrainian Civil War of Twenty Fourteen
having to get some sleep
having a crack in your ass because of a load bearing problem
having an ingrown hare in your ass crack
having an ingrown hair in your ass crack
Uncle Istvan eating karate's bad boy
going in an early morning golden shower
going for an early morning golden shower
going for an early morning shower
Uncle Istvan being karate's bad boy
Uncle Istvan
being karate's bad boy
tank thongs for the memory
give me tank thongs or give me death
tank thongs or nothing
Tank Thongs for Nothing
not keeping a record of how you voted on regrets you yourself wrote
helicopter thongs
tank thong controls
tank controls
being Ron Gruntled
being ungruntled
being regruntled
being gruntled
being disgruntled
Myke Um
way ahead of you
wondering if eating human cum is technically cannibalism and if not whether human cum is vegan and nonhuman animal cum isn't
livening up your food with vegan cum
livening up your food with cum
livening up your food with cumin SERIOUSLY GUYS PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT HERE BECAUSE I'M CONSIDERING THIS AND NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S WORTH IT
livening up your food with cumin
Qorvis
watching Youtube videos of people accidentally shitting themselves
watching Youtube videos of people accidentally shooting themselves
Polish foreign minister warns Ukraine protest leaders "Sign deal or you will all die"
but do take fifty mg of DPH with DXM to alleviate nausea and roboitch
though seriously if you have never been high at all, I wouldn't start with DPH, try weed or DXM first
that if you really want to do DPH I'd mix it in equal parts with DXM, three hundred mg each, so it will be trippier and less shitty feeling
Thomas Swann
Charles J Guiteau
Garfield on a Neutron Star
everyday is fucking perfect
eating that whole butt of DP and puking in bed
Qwantzfield
realizing that you have a butthole of DP and like a week off from work and seriously considering getting Eiffel Towered for the first time in your life
always getting Craig T Nelson and Michael J Nelson mixed up because of Crow T Robot
REALIZING THAT YOU HAVE A WHOLE BOTTLE OF DEEP HEAT AND LIKE A WEEK OFF FROM WORK AND SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING GETTING BULKED UP ON CARBS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE
putting "There was a period that I was food stamps and welfare but no one helped me out" on your resume
putting "I'm thirty four and I've never used heroin" on your resume
honestly believing your life would be much better if you drank more
I'm thirty four and I've never used heroin
that one of the things about quitting fun was that you realised many of the effects you thought were from drugs and alcohol were actually from other sources, and that being drunk or whatever was just like being permanently tickled while stuff happened
yeah but I'm thirty and I've never been high before, so
that getting high sucks
realizing that you have a whole bottle of DPH and like a week off from work and seriously considering getting high for the first time in your life
There was a COLON that he was food stamps and welfare but no one helped him out
There was a period that he was food stamps and welfare but no one helped him out
feeling like watching all the Strong Bad emails from start to finish
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffl Towered by Craig T Nelson and a muskrat
Witch Plays Pokemon
Bitch Plays Pokemon
Twitch Plays Pokemon
The Pulsar That Munched a Billion Ton Asteroid
getting a wad in your panties
getting your panties in a wad
famous original colon x rays
you're so vain, you probably think Myke Hawke is about you
particularly vain penises
barely even remembering the last time someone cranked your draincase for you
wondering if Heath Ledger was really a star or if he just got that one pity Eiffie
Colon X rays
wondering if Heath Ledger was really a star or if he just got that one pity Oscar
particularly penisy veins
particularly veiny penises
cranking your draincase
draining your crankcase
fritattas
seeing the headline "Watch Colon X rays from a star's corpse reveal supernova secrets" and thinking it had something to do with Heath Ledger
Modern Family star indecently assaulted in Sydney, crikey
the Six Californias initiative
it's your way or the highway
betting that Bicoid Babe would know
vaguely recalling something about autofrottage being part of normal development
watching a video of a girl masturbating on the corner of a table and wondering if that's something that normal girls do or if it was just for the sake of the video
joining a galactic rebellion because you really needed to drop the kids off at the pool
buying those power converters just so you could use the bathroom
Rayn Nand
going into Tosche Station to take the hugest dump
joining the hugest rebellion
defecating on the rebels
defecting to the rebels
bottoming for Take Datura and Ken Tongo in PanPacific Rimming VII
ken tongo
eating that whole thing of Nyan and Rorthing in bed
Nyan Rorth
Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North Ryan North
Ryan North saturation
Ryan North cooking meth in the bathroom at church
Ryan North rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
confusing Jake Lloyd with an alkaloid
Feds Colon Guards Let Inmates Run Md Jail, Slept With Them
wondering if Kento ended up being imprisoned in the Philippines for unjust vexation
semantic saturation
regret number four four four seven eight
that'll teach him
Man Revenge Rapes Son's Rapist
kento n go
If a permanent with bestow enters the battlefield by any method other than being cast, it will be an enchantment creature
the dismal science
Man Drives Car into Church, Beats Pastor to Death With Electric Guitar
rotational velocidensity
yeah DPH is incredibly trippy, feels like shit but it's the only way to get those kinds of realistic halllucinations unless you want to take datura
shake n go
steak n shake
shake n vac
shake n bake
baby shaking, cheerio
hippy shaking
No results found for Seiuchiyasha
watching Seiuchiyasha
A suitcase sized, legless homeless man who appears in a plastic shopping bag on your mom's computer desk
that it's not as much fun to write regrets about Kento being fucked when you don't know whether he reads them or not
candy flipping
hippy flipping
kitty flipping
the Wisconsin Card Sorting Test
nightmare flipping
Phineas Gage
that Victoria Jackson has become a batshit crazy evangelical Tea Partier and Julia Sweeney has become an arrogant asshole atheist bitch, so I guess life has not been kind to early nineties era SNL comediennes
editing Chris Lydon's Wikipedia article to say that Lydon was cleared of involvement in the Boston Marathon bombing because he was Eiffel Towering your son at the time
Wiki per rectum
Wiki parachute rigger
Wiki PR
wanting to make a Hayden Christensen joke at this juncture, but not having one prepared
I didn't imply that Kento was better than his father, merely that he follows Go in the Ikeda Series
Canada's national shehme
implying that Kento is better than his father, even in jest
reading Jack Greenmaven's Steam profile
Panthro Lily
Canada's national shame
Tiger Lily
being unclear as to whether Kento in fact edited Chris Lydon's wikipedia page to say that Lydon was cleared of involvement in the Boston Marathon bombing because he was Eiffel Towering Kento at the time, or whether that was you guess rachel
The Quebec government claims that the territory of Labrador belongs to the province of Quebec, mon Dieu!, eh
not being Kento, and also being pretty sure he doesn't come around here any more
living in NaKENTOya
always thinking it is five oh eight when you wake up or go to bed late because that is the time your digital clock stopped at
seeing out of context pieces of what were obviously long running internet feuds almost a decade ago
getting like ten pages in to the top comments of awful yearbook and getting the same sinking out of control feeling you got reading Jake Lloyd's Steam profile
that you must be the guy who ate all the ham
viewing the top comments and wishing awful yearbook had also lost all its comments
The Quebec government claims that the territory of Labrador belongs to the province of Quebec
not being an sa member and so not being able to view anything but the top comments
living in Nagoya
that if that's wrong, Matt, I apologize
actually thinking you recognised the person in question, and it not being Kento, and also being pretty sure he doesn't come around here any more
that out of forty thousand pictures between ten thousand users Kento's picture is the second lowest rated picture on awful yearbook
being done with awful yearbook probably forever after twenty minutes or so browsing
letting douchebags come into contact with dickbags
"douchebag" a whole bunch
if a picture is worth a thousand words, someone just said "douchebag" a whole bunch
discovering awful yearbook and wondering if the person who posted a regret about it like six years ago is still around
semper pie
that it took Ryan like a year to memorise every Star Trek episode
jerking off Rudyard in the bathroom at church
hey guys, remember breasts
gumguzzling
having a lesbian crush on a teenage Winona Rider
Sylvia Browne being voted off American Idol
not hooking up with incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by Tim Duncan
taking the hugest dump to the Sweatiest Ass in the World world premiere
trying to use ebay to gague how much an item is worth, but finding only "buy now" prices that range from fourteen to a hundred and thirty kroner
being given the cold turtle
having impure thoughts about a teenage Brian Peppers
playing Champagne & Shoes with Alex Dainis
spending an evening on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood, and masturbating to nude photos of your ex from five years ago
spending an evening reading Language Log, eating spicy Cheetos, and rubbing one out in the bathroom at church to photos of your ex from five years ago
abnormal boney formations
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the vegan champagne out of a shoe trope
watching Jim Carrey masturbate furiously while he thinks he is alone and unobserved in the bathroom at church
getting a gum job from a cockney hooker in the dumpster behind IKEA
author Ryan North
Avatar of The Pot
Aswan Apparition
Beaver Warrior
that one might actually exist
drawing a picture of Twin Long Rods #Two giving the Chariot to Jack Atlas and Crow Hogan
Blackbird Delivery, for when you need blackbirds
Crow Hogan
having to turn down a job offer because commuting to the location would need a cash infusion, stat
having to turn down a hardboiled gumshoe job offer because commuting to Scandinavia would cost more than half your kroner
having to turn down a lick job offer because commuting to the Steak n Shake would cost more than half your paycheck
liking big butts in a can of lye
having had job offers, but only shitty ones
never having had a job offer
having to turn down a job offer because commuting to the location would cost more than half your paycheck
it was twenty years ago today
reading a paper and getting a powerful uppercut causing a papercut in a powercut
unrelated statements
getting a papercut
slamming your dick in multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
that last one actually happened
misplacing the hardboiled cockney gumshoe on the bus
drinking the cash infusion in Mexico
being given the cold water on the bus
fortune sailed away, you missed the boat and found that you'd been left behind
digivolving your sexuality
expelling your sexuality
exposing your sexuality
explaining your sexuality
exploding your sexuality
exploiting your sexuality
exploring your sexuality
Sukamon
Philly Steak and Cheese Hot Pockets recall
Hoo hoo! Your passswan has been changed!
not regretting it one bit
not regretting the swan meme
trying to run but you don't get too far
needing a cash infusion, in kroner
eating the pennies
Woo hoo! Your password has eaten changed!
having a krone on your Prince Albert
having a krone on your keyring
by all medical logic, steam should be shooting out of his ears
drawing a picture of Document eating come
Woo hoo! Your password has been changed!
being given the cold kroner
drinking the water in Scandinavia
boiling a cockney gumshoe, hard
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe discovers some burnt swans
eating multiple eatings of the book "To Eat or Not to Eat" by the inedibly handsome New York Eats besteating eater Ryan North
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Post bestselling author Ryan North
buying multiple copies of the book "To Eat or Not to Eat" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
wondering what eatcame of Document
forgetting what the password to the Swan Swannery account ate
not eating Document
posting all the regrets about things eating congruent to other things
posting all the regrets about things being congruent to other things
figuring it out in the morning
forgetting what the password to the Swan Swannery account was
not being Document
that regret ebooks is up and running
wondering what became of Document
eating fifty spider eggs into your sites
drinking oolong tea
the strange array of terrifying sounds fairly innocuous wildlife make
hearing a screaming in the distance and not being able to tell if it's a fish or a mermaid baby
hearing a screaming in the distance and not being able to tell if it's a cat or a human baby
vaguely recalling that it's possible for slug eggs to survive passage through the digestive tract and become parasitic if short lived
loitering
dithering
your bro getting contaminated
sixty three cent
your bra getting confabulated
wondering if Fitty Cent is going to adjust his name for inflation
eating out Pseudonym's best, friend
your bra getting contaminated
eating out Pseudonym's best friend
eating that thing that you thought was a piece of wet cereal but turned out to be a tiny, tiny slug
still not wanting to say when the last time you had sex was
not having done it since twenty eleven
YOU ARE WE, WE ARE YOU
that I'm not doing it, which one of us is doing it
not being A THIRD as angsty any more
Pseudonym didn't identify themself to any regret users so that they could keep track of Pseudonym's alive or dead status, I don't know who YOU are
not being half as angsty any more
Pseudonym is dead, I don't know who YOU are
assembling your robots
that hi, pessimist, I'm Pseudonym, assumptions of my death are greatly exaggerated
that hi, optimist, I'm Pseudonym, nice to meet you
that there are three people here now, I don't know if the servers can handle this kind of load, man guys
assuming that the mob finally killed Pseudonym for failing to pay off his gambling debts, or the law finally managed to make the child molestation charges stick and he was murdered in the prison showers by his cellmates, either way you'll miss that guy
that hi, Pseudonym, I don't know that we've ever spoken directly
that Pseudonym only very rarely comes here anymore, for example right now
being sad that Pseudonym literally never comes here anymore
THAT YOU WANTED TO KILL HELENA MARKOV, HA HA HA HA HAAAAA
that Pseudonym is literally here right now
regretter sans frontieres
regrets without frontiers
wondering if Document, Pseudonym or Kento even come around here any more
deciding to screw twitter oauth, tweets can just be manually posted
still having done nothing with the Sir Swan Swannery twitter you registered a few years ago
ATmom I'll be late home for dinner tonight I have soccer practice #tcot
pictures of kittens #tcot
going to twitter for the first time in a few weeks and noticing that yet again #tcot is trending, and wondering what these people think they're achieving, since you know from experience they just append it to every post
actually literally making a regret Markov chain and it produces funny results, and registering the regret ebooks on twitter, but twitter won't let apps use oauth without providing a phone number ewwww
putting "Markov bread vagina" as your occupation on your passport without a dream in your heart, without a love of your own technology is a fad, heavy blue balls are the future
kneading Markov's bread
braiding Markov's beard
drawing a picture of Andrey Markov stroking his beard with a thoughtful smile prior to leaping into a duel with General Grievous
that you'd habeas Markov's corpus any day
putting "Markov chain generator" as your occupation on your passport without a dream in your heart, without a love of your own technology is a fad, heavy blue balls are the future
putting "Markov chain generator" as your occupation on your passport
without a dream in your heart, without a love of your own
technology is a fad, heavy blue balls are the future
making a Markov chain regret generating twitter account called regret ebooks with a corpus of seventy one thousand, five hundred and thirty one regrets
making a Markov chain regret generator with a corpus of seventy one thousand, five hundred and thirteen regrets
that in some ways, Jake Lloyd makes sense as the identity of the Celebrity Regretter
drawing a picture of water being triple pointed
not even having a Steam profile
reading Jake Lloyd's Steam profile and wondering what you're doing with your life
trying a sleep talking recorder app for the first time tonight, because you're curious to know if you still do it
having a better evening
having a real god fucking dammit kind of day
Glauchan
stuffed walrus lay unnoticed in classroom for days
drinking grappa with Parappa the Rapper
Dead student lay unnoticed in dorm for days
your skin has come, your second time
your time has come, your second skin
not wanting to say when you haven't had sex since
not having eaten since eleven twenty
Myke Rapo
another sort of joke that you did not intend
chopping up naked dudes, possibly because they're full of spunk
Joan of Arc having pure thoughts about chopping up naked dudes
NOW TRENDING ON THE REGRET INDEX chopping up naked dudes
wondering if there are pure thoughts about chopping up naked dudes
having impure thoughts about chopping up naked dudes
chopping up a naked dude who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
Ryan North chopping up naked dudes
buying multiple copies of the book "Chopping Up Naked Dudes" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
chopping up naked dudes
misplacing your virginity and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably on a picnic table at Yellowstone National Park
grizzling one out in the bathroom at church
playing Star Wars Colon Super Bombad Racing with Anders Breivik
we would, but the grizzly bear likes doing it in public
maybe you two should get a room
accidentally supergluing your scrotum to a grizzly bear
maybe we had sex together
wow, me neither
not having had sex since twenty eleven
Mike Crapo
writing something as a sort of joke, but then realizing it's also another sort of joke that you did not intend
attempting to remake Animal Farm with a brown bear and an American eagle to make it more accessible to modern audiences
attempting to recreate Animal Farm in Animal Crossing
eating cereal without milk because you ran out of milk
sky islands
cool town
Zomia
playing Anders Crossing
wondering which species of animals in Animal Crossing Anders Breivik has decided are inferior and need to be culled
I mean, the guy's got a lot of free time, he's probably got a really cool town
wondering if Anders Breivik plays Animal Crossing and if so how you could get his friend code
drawing a picture of Anders Breivik playing Ride to Hell Colon Retribution while having his colon ridden by his cellmate
dressing up in costumes, playing shitty games, hiding out in treetops, shouting out rude names
tats, noisufni hsac a gnideen
buying spaghettini that is significantly thinner than the spaghetti you normally get, and not paying attention and cooking it for the normal length of time
playing a shitty game
subletting with Alessandra Sublet
Incroyable Talent
renork ni diap si eohsmug yenkcoc deliobdrah eht emit yreve noitca eht fo tuo nekat era uoy hcihw ni aivanidnacS ni tes tub hsilgnE ni demrofrep amard emirc hsitirB a gnihctaw
mad bastards
Mass killer Anders Breivik threatens hunger strike for better video games, end of "torture"
fkbmsuzq k Ltubuas mtuyo ntkyk eotprtyon uz Ozqxuas lcb aob uz Amkznuzkduk uz fsums irc kto bkwoz rcb rp bso kmburz odoti buyo bso sktnlruxon mrmwzoi qcyasro ua ekun uz wtrzot
flspmtugflc Buors P Vbgrjrnr sm Zrgdmp Gjfsgrqsap M'Tfpca
REGTABCDFHIJKLMNOPQSUVWXYZ
ers
meeting Brian Streep
slamming your peppers in Brian Dick
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is Hamlet
passing out ass up before the toilet, again
passing out in front of the computer, again
fifty thousand two hundred and twelve, that is
seeing regret number fifty two twelve and thinking it was just Chris Lydon's pet name for Kento
burning your tongue on too hot miso soup
editing wikipedia at four in the morning
googling RHOE, looking over the first page of results, thinking about it and then getting it
I considered writing RHOE but figured that would be pretty opaque
introducing Fuqat R Vfcalapa to Zachor Clitcaster O'Dirge
googling RHO thinking it was an initialism, then getting it before the search resolved
never having eaten an orange RHO
they're vegan egg whites, promise
actually being pretty tempted to make orange pie, possibly with a meringue crust because of those egg whites that you have in the fridge right now
never having been an orange pie
never having eaten an orange pie
that they're finally making a movie of Ubik, but it's just Meryl Streep doing a one woman show for two hours
that you almost won the Eiffie for Best Walrus Man Man Threesome, but Streep is just so damn versatile
rubbing Brian Peppers out in the bathroom at church
slamming your dick in Brian Peppers
winning the Eiffie for Best Man Man Walrus Threesome with seventeen votes
realizing that at some point you must have become so jaded that the previous regret just seemed like a news headline to you
twenty fourteen will see a rise in posting to social media photos of oneself being Eiffel Towered, dubbed "Eiffies"
Wendell the Walrus
Flappy Walrus
Aseus and the Maxotaur
Apple & Google Begin Rejecting Games With "Flappy" In The Title
One in Four Americans Don't Know Earth Orbits the Sun
that we've written about fifty thousand regrets in three years
picking a FIG
William H Swanson
picking a date
Boy Bitten By a Lizard
Michelangelo Merisi o Amerighi da Caravaggio
playing Mustache Ride to Hell Colon Retribution
not being unafraid of no ghosts
playing Ride to Hell Colon Retribution
not being afraid of no ghosts
cracking wise sleeping in your bed
only hanging around him for the models
you dare to dream and we have no doubt
waiting thirty minutes for a capacitor to warm up
taking all of his money, and his drawer of pretty panties
first producing your pistol, and then producing your ray gun, saying "Stand and deliver or the devil he may take ya"
the Sontaran hypothesis
trouble is coming
LEADING US NOT INTO TEMP TA TION OHHHH
stabbing Steve Irwin in the heart with a stingray when you were a kid
adorable creatures with unacceptable features
you've never been closer, you've tried to understand
the doctor said "This is beyond a joke now"
the skeleton said "I wish I was being boned, by a much skinnier skeleton, which is the skeletal image I wish to emulate"
the doctor said "I think you're just big boned"
a fat, gay skeleton went to the doctor, and he said "Doctor, I've been trying to lose weight"
waiting for a capacitor to warm up so that you can see images, as though you're still stuck with a radiation spewing fifties tv set, not an allegedly state of the art personal computer monitor
dinging your dong merrily on high
wondering what it is like to have sex with a big star on tour, then in the morning have to face not just the hotel staff, who you can basically ignore, but the entourage, especially if they're cracking wise
sleeping in your bed
an invisible man
wondering how many guys Ricky Martin had sex with who were only hanging around him for the models
two fat, gay skeletons walk into a bar, and the barman dies of fright
it was still more shocking than Ricky Martin
'Fat Gay Asians VII' actor Kento Ikeda comes out as fat, gay, Asian
the Solutrean hypothesis
fat, gay skeleton jokes
'Tanks for Nothing' actor Kento Ikeda comes out as fat, gay
skeleton jokes
having sex with a princess who looked a lot like Sylvia Browne
Tom VanNortwick
that you can submit your dumps for rating at ratemypoo dot com
'I do know' actress Ellen Page comes out as gay
discovering that Bart Calendar exists, but not being able to tell if his birthday was the fourteenth or fifteenth
disinterring Sylvia Browne's corspe and fucking the eyholes of her skull in order to violate her like she violated young boys
the death of Time Dog
the death of Tim Kid
thinking of yourself as middle aged even though you're still in your early thirties
that Christina Ricci has appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Sylvia Browne
that love doesn't find a lot of middle aged people who never really go out except to grocery shop
sincerely doubting that someday love will find you
dreaming that you got drunk by putting vodka in hot chocolate on holiday with your family, then terrified yourself with a clifftop walk, and being so glad you hadn't really done that when you woke up
blowing out your knee in the semifinals of the World Eiffel Towering Championship
your favorite legendary Pokemon being Kyogre
well oiled machines
'Juno' actress Ellen Page comes out as gay
being investigated by the FTC for rate dumping
when someone posts "today's selfie" but it's already been their profile picture for months and months
wondering who rates dumps and how you can submit dumps for rating, because you've had some that were quite passionate and huge and you would like to see how they measure up
the death of Tim Dog
happy birthday, whoever you are
discovering that you share a birthday with Bart Calendar
wondering if Christina Ricci has ever appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Ryan North
that someday love will find you
Les Regrets de la Belle Heaulmiere
betting Kento has never even had impure thoughts about a teenage Winona Rider before
betting Kento has never even heard "I Kissed a Girl" before
since the invention of the dump, there have only been five dumps
that we're rated the most passionate, the most huge
Emergency Colon Wife Lost and Found
since the invention of the dump, there have only been five dumps that were rated the most passionate, the most huge
being party pooped
yeah, I guess you're right, if we're counting dead girls we could say he's kissed one
that doesn't count, that's like holding a bag of meat
he held one after he killed her
since the inversion of the kiss, there have only been five sessik
knowing Kento has never held a girl
betting Kento has killed at least one girl
Kento thrills girls whenever he leaves the room
betting Kento has never even thrilled a girl before
since the invention of the kiss, none have involved Kento and a girl
since the inversion of the kiss, there have only been five kisses
being conflicted as to whether to go with the "since the invention of the kill" etc route, the "since the invention of the Eiffel Tower" etc route, or the "there have only been SIX kisses" route, decisions decisions
since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses
that we're rated the most passionate, the most pure
Eithne Ni Bhraonain
since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure
being partially pooped
being totally pooped
ooqmkhcuhhjfdav
use the same passphrase as the Jackie fister one
you lost me again
begpk aty Jueiiyzuu, bgvg
Jackie fister who are you dreadnough
panceup ouwz pw uidn wxqnrjl
qwprjn hkoa lvdpcwa ljpyw xf Akv Okym, ab
klk mikp mjve myez Tegrhorrl iilvv mf xnv jxderv kxemzrpbr ey gsnkmtv
vcnfpxj my nltk mz fvbxmtrpep wgzh
umyzrmvvxzrz Yeeuig Tlxzwmvryvr'l tsxgwx rrj wyvbmtx xav in ysevw uw lbj wqlpe zr uihxi xu mmhcezv lbd pobi av zofptkij psnek vfymzrk, vl
vcnfpxj
umyzrmvvxzrz Fwirv Pzpjv'w vfvygi teh llgdzrm klx vcnfpxj sl yml joacp be sxuik ks bzserxk ymf cmqv lx mmucemvh efygx vad
Hitler didn't attack us with puzzles in the middle of the night
OK I like you again
that you would be speaking German now if all your countrymen gave up as easily on cracking codes as you, cheerio
bottoming for Fuqat R Vfcalapa in Gyndap Pacpas VII
that seventy one three twenty uses the same key as seventy one three fourteen
Swan cryptograms getting Mentos in your venti
I can't do anything with it my brain is shutting down
Swan cryptograms
getting Mentos in your venti
the second one was not an existing regret, but a response to the previous regret
Pacpas dot bmp
gyndap is my new word of the day
gyndap
DRAWING A PICTURE OF VENTO BEING EIFFEL TOWERED BY CHRIS LYDON AND A WALRUS
DRAWING A PICTURE OF MENTO BEING EIFFEL TOWERED BY CHRIS LYDON AND A WALRUS
F uqat r Vfcalapa gyndap wfsd sda nrqqiay "Pacpas" bmp sda bfpqs mla
it is fifty past three
can't even place the middle one by word length and position, although it should be possible
I don't know what you did to the first one
the second Eiffel Towering one comes out of rumkin nearly intact, by the way
almost wishing for better cryptography skills and or tools
tprwflc r nfgsupa mb Ialsm eaflc Afbbaj Smwapat ey Gdpfq Jytml rlt r wrjpuq
klk mikp rukmhe xnrx hei ifyeu faxkxi vad
you're a rum bugger
uvgnmgx e vzgmlvk fj Dvrzf fxzrm Vmywir Kspvvku fr Tlxzw Ephue egu e crpklw
Swan diagrams
La Morse Amoureuse
La Morte Amoureuse
Ghostrick Succubus
it's a not so bad, it's a nice a place
a slightly larger than a softball
filling out online surveys from services you use because it gives you a strange, excitable sensation in your chest, beneath the ribs and rising toward the throat in an area you would characterise as a slightly larger than a softball
burgling
wondering when Yahoo got so Serious
deleting all your cookies and finding that not only are you logged out of Facebook, but you can't even sign in to Yahoo to retrieve your Facebook password because Yahoo does not recognise the device you are trying to log in from
moon dongs
Roman Polanski posting about himself, knowing he'll never be caught
Air Koryo meal service Pyongyang to Beijing
Dennis Rodman 'got drunk, vomited and defecated all over a North Korean hotel'
you've got by the hand, can't you understand, you've got to lead the way, lead on Jar Jar
the Dresden Dolls wondering who other than Kento and Christopher Lydon actually knows that Christopher Lydon exists
the death of Sylvia Browne having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in Mexico
having a lesbian crush a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
Christina Ricci finally spotting the new bottom regret, hours later
Twin Long Rods #Two having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Christina Ricci
finally spotting the new bottom regret, hours later
Gladys Knight and the Pap Smear
LOOKIN ASS NIGGA
having only heard of the Dresden Dolls in relation to Christopher Lydon
the Dresden Dolls
wondering who other than Kento and Christopher Lydon actually knows that Christopher Lydon exists
seriously wondering if the Christopher Lydon references are just Christopher Lydon posting about himself, knowing he'll never be stopped
seriously wondering if the Roman Polanski references are just Roman Polanski posting about himself, knowing he'll never be caught
forgetting the Gallus gallus domesticus digitally penetrates a vagina or anus in the dielectric heating device
forgetting the Gallus gallus domesticus pectoralis minors in the dielectric heating device
forgetting the chicken fingers in the microwave
Christina Ricci seems like the kind of person who would seek out girls who smell like herself for sex
wondering if you have any other guesses, bearing in mind, I don't know the answer
guessing that Christina Ricci is not the Celebrity Regretter unless she's deliberately seeking out girls who smell like herself for sex
wondering if the Celebrity Regretter is Christina Ricci
buying that nipple removing cream
that boobs without nipples would be pointless
greasing Christina Ricci's boobs in an understandable but also pointless way
greasing Christina Ricci's boobs
in an understandable but also pointless way
betting that Christina Ricci smells like greasepaint
ending a dream with the almost sincere voiceover "Shakespeare, everybody!" as your waking mind realised what crap it had been revelling in
having impure thoughts about smelling a teenage Christina Ricci
the Regret Index making you really curious as to what Christina Ricci smells like
using the online handle ocelotbaitSIXTYNINE
googling "trick jewelry" too early in the day
drawing a picture of a cougar being Eiffel Towered by Sean Hart and Ricky Currie
living with uncertainty
kind of liking being tricked, but also being kind of angry about it in an understandable but also pointless way
sharing "dessert" at the Steak n Shake overlooking Union Square
the heated discussion on www dot footsniffing dot com
being repeatedly tricked by Tom Sawyer
the heated discussion on www dot footsniffing dot com regarding whether or not Avril Lavigne's feet smell
not having a frame of reference for the smell of Christina Ricci googling "jew trickery" too early in the day
not having a frame of reference for the smell of Christina Ricci
googling "jew trickery" too early in the day
Sean Hart
Ricky Currie
watching the city lights turn on
sharing dessert at the Cheesecake factory overlooking Union Square
seeing what's on view at the Museum of Modern Art
When my dick wont go down when im getting ready for school
watching cougarbaitSIXTYNINE's XTube Porn Videos here
having sex with a girl who smelled a lot, like Christina Ricci
Pedunkee Mufkin
jew trickery
using the online handle cougarbaitSIXTYNINE
Michiganders
men's slopestyle skiing
Sticky the Hutt
Stinky the Hutt
Farrah Fawcett as Faucet
meeting Brian Peppers
The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars
Jackson DeForest Kelley
having sex with a girl who smelled a lot like Christina Ricci
Chesty Morgan
the Internet
biting Jackson C Frank in the leg with your teeth when you were a dog
perforated knowledge
Edward James Olmos entering the regret "never working in this time again"
almost entering the regret "never working in this time again"
never working in this town to begin with
never working in this town again
digitally adding Hayden Christensen being shoved by two ewoks to the BluRay release of Return of the Jedi
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen being shoved by two ewoks, eh
the Barclay twins
wanting to make a Cock brothers joke but feeling it's probably implied
the Koch brothers
Anatoli Bugorski
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a particle accelerator when you were a kid, FOR SCIENCE
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a laser when you were a kid
laser cooling
putting your hard on in the large hand collider
getting halogen implants
Periodic Videos
the way Chrome just randomly keeps or discards your history
getting DEUTERIUM implants
getting hydrogen implants
getting helium implants
getting your boobs off your chest
getting a weight off your boobs
getting a weight off your chest
having heavy nipples and needing to lighten them
drawing a picture of Hayden Christensen being shaved by two ewoks, eh
buying that nipple lightning cream
drawing a picture of Darth Vader being shaved by two ewoks
buying that nipple lightening cream
franking the C section
separating the C section
Very Smooth Darth Vader
Very Fast Darth Vader
smattering the saucer section
Very Fast Death Factor
franking Jackson C Frank in the frank n' beans with a franking stamp when you were a kid
being smattered with albumen
needing an egg infusion, cress
needing a Spoink infusion, splash attack
separating the vegan egg section
separating the egg section
being smattered with ejaculate
every time you start to forget why you left the regret index the first time, a smattering of ejaculate joke regrets come along to remind you
using comedic desperation to mask your true emotional desperation
not being sure whether Shia Labouef is doing some kind of art thing where he imitates or outright plagiarizes as many people as he can, or whether he's just having a public breakdown
the death of Shirley Temple
needing a spink infusion, splash
Shia Laboeuf getting into a crapping contest with seagulls
Shia Laboeuf being literally rather than figuratively pursued by seagulls
getting spanked on the internet when no one else is on the internet
Shia Laboeuf mimics Manchester United legend Eric Cantona
bitcoins
wondering if Semen Pavlichenko could get an endorsement deal for Dasani
getting sad on the internet when no one else is on the internet spink, the only ink that's forty percent ejaculate
getting sad on the internet when no one else is on the internet
spink, the only ink that's forty percent ejaculate
spunk
drawing a picture of Rob Ford and Chris Christie smearing crisco on each other's shirtless chests as they deep kiss
separating the cup section
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North possibly because it's full of spunk
separating the saucer section
eating the whole microwave burrito possibly because it's full of spunk
getting a nipple smear
Pap Cat
the ill conceived cartoon mascot, Pap Smear Gorilla
Papilla Gorilla
papping Kento filling a bathtub with spunk
Myke Hawke possibly being full of spunk
wishing that the regret index had a "TRENDING NOW" bar, because right now it would be full of spunk
taking the hugest dump possibly because it's full of spunk
fiddle faddle
misplacing your virginity and not being sure where you left it, though it was possibly full of spunk
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope possibly because it's full of spunk
drinking the water in Mexico possibly because it's full of spunk
blasting grated crap all over the kitchen floor
Olympic snowboarder says halfpipe 'dangerous, crappy' possibly because it's full of spunk
getting grated cheese all over the kitchen floor
blasting a crap
blasting a crappy halfpipe
Hannah Teter's brother, Pete
Olympic snowboarder says halfpipe 'dangerous, crappy'
riding readers of people you've never even heard of possibly because it's full of spunk
riding readers of people you've never even heard of
possibly because it's full of spunk
bibble babble
reading riders of people you've never even heard of
papping Kento filling a bathtub with Dasani
that on the other hand, he is weird
that this answers some of your questions about vegans and animals that are capable of consenting to be eaten or of supplying foodstuffs as a byproduct of their existence
Dasani, the only bottled ejaculate on general sale
Dasani, it's loaded with semen
not even making up the spunk thing
that Weird Al's strict vegan diet, I swear I'm not making this up this is not about the vegan thing, precludes him drinking Dasani, possibly because it's full of spunk
being knipfed in the shower
Kevin Knipfing
reading an old Don McLean rider at one in the morning and seriously contemplating making quesadillas to regain a measure of control over your life
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a peas & carrots letter
bottoming for Roman Polanski in Jack Nicholson's house in Back Door to Hell VII
eventually we get to Back Door to Hell and normal service is resumed
The Baking
The Postman Always Eats Twice
Mealtime
The Breader
Terms of En Croute
Pizza's Honor
Your potential regret of Heartburn has already been added!
The Dishes of Eastwick
Broadcast Foods
Ironweed Brownies
Fatman
The Two Cakes
Gastrointestinal Trouble
A Few Good Meals
The Croissant Guard
Blood and Wine
The Evening Meal
Cholesterol Attacks!
As Good As It Tastes
About Shrimp
Restaurant Management
Something's Gotta Honey Glaze
The Bucket Combo
Ham Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Five Greasy Pizzas
writing a paper on the maximum number of hand jobs it is possible to give to guys in a movie theater watching the Lego movie, but being unable to get published, so instead putting "billionaires" in he title and selling it through Amazon
easily eating five pizzas watching Five Easy Pieces
the Almighty Gaylords, da bears
the Almighty Gaylords
granny music shit
that giving three guys hand jobs in the movie theater watching the Lego movie seems hard to grasp
giving THREE guys hand jobs in the movie theater watching the Lego movie
giving TWO guys hand jobs in the movie theater watching the Lego movie
giving a guy a hand job in the movie theater watching the Lego movie
taking a trolley why not to the jewery store as it happens and buying why not a twenty carat golden ring, eat your soup, it's good for you
taking a trolley to the jewery store and buying a twenty carat golden ring
Kreepen Man
Semen Pavlichenko
getting stuck in Kento's icepack and needing the help of Chinese seamen to bust you out
using an icebreaker and a team of sailors to navigate Kento's north west passage and discovering it is full of walruses
North Korea Built A Fleet Of Mobile Missile Launchers Out Of long haired half chinease Ducks
violently penetrating the passage of Kento
North Korea Built A Fleet Of Mobile Missile Launchers Out Of Chinese Ducks
North Korea Built A Fleet Of Mobile Missile Launchers Out Of Chinese Trucks
Shia LaBouf turns up to film festival and shits his pants
Danish zoo kills Shia LaBouf, feeds it to carnivores
Shia LaBouf turns up to film festival with paper bag on head
Danish zoo kills healthy giraffe, feeds it to carnivores
the internet, your trophy fuck
knowing that the reason you don't want to use Minitel is because there's only one internet in the world that you could tolerate connecting to
the internet, your one true love
Then again you still come back to the regret index sometimes, so who are you to talk
when she's like "I haven't talked to him for nine days" and you're like "shit I thought you dumped him months ago, no wonder you're still having problems"
idly penetrating the passage of Kento
idly commenting on the passage of Kento
idly commenting on the passage of time
they're pretty unremarkable, is what I'm trying to say
watching The Revenge of Shinobi Let's Play videos on YouTube, and finding them neither hilariously bad nor cleverly entertaining, and wondering why anyone would write a regret to either recommend them or warn against them
not watching ELECTROMAGNETISM on a big screen
not watching Gravity on a big screen
drawing a picture of Kento and Chris Lydon swapping walrus beef for Sam and Frodo's hobbit pork
walrus beef
buying multiple slamming death rods
being at a loss as to what you were going to type into the address bar and just drawing a screen wide ASCII dick instead
Blur class cruise ships
Oasis class cruise ships
watching The Revenge of Shinobi Let's Play videos on YouTube
bottoming for Kento Ikeda in Creepy and Desperate I
bottoming for Moby in Moby Dick II Colon Moby Dicker
a whale posing in Japan
calling me Kento, like this is the start of Moby Dick but with Moby instead of a whale, only it's still called Moby Dick
vegan slowbeef
calling me Kento, like this is the start of Moby Dick but with a walrus instead of a whale, only it's still called Moby Dick
slowbeef
getting the regret "knowing that the reason you don't want to kill anyone is because there's only one person in the world that you could tolerate killing" and thinking "oh god, did I write that, that's so creepy and desperate, I probably wrote that"
hi, Kento
later discovering that you could not have written it
getting the regret "knowing that the reason you don't want to kiss anyone is because there's only one person in the world that you could tolerate kissing" and thinking "oh god, did I write that, that's so creepy and desperate, I probably wrote that"
making a typo in that last regret, but retroactively declaring it intentional in order to deflect any libel claims Chris Lydon might be considering
Chris Lydon has down just as much cocaine Richard Dreyfuss, so that would work
Matt Hooper
that you're certain that Chris Lydon would be in Tusks, but you're wondering which of the three leads he would play
knowing the thing about a walrus, he's got a big penis, erect penis, like a baseball bat
wondering if there is a market for a Jaws reimagining with a walrus instead of a shark, called Tusks
Kento's tiggering tingler
knowing the thing about a shark, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye
being eaten by a shark
that throbbing just isn't natural
Kento's tingling tigger
watching Meat the Amish and having impure thoughts
watching Meet the Amish and having impure thoughts
Kento bacon
Kento's pulsating piglet
declaring a thumb war
that Kento should probably take his throbbing hog to the vet, that throbbing just isn't natural
that you can't spell Tolkien without Kento
declaring bankruptcy
buying multiple copies of the book "Fisting Kevin Bacon at Home" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
drinking the FIRE in Mexico
being given the HOT shoulder
Kento's nude parole
Tolkien stated that he remembered making up the word himself, admitting that there was nothing but his "nude parole" to support the claim
that better is a relative term
that really it might have been better if Obi Wan Kenobi had been played by John Astin originally, then by Sean Astin in the prequels
that Mario Lopez was already President in that particular alternate reality
it could have been a big break for Mario Lopez
wondering who wrote the regret "Kento's throbbing hog"
Obi Juan Kenobi
Ricky Martin, perhaps
imagining an alternate timeline in which Raul Julia played Obi Wan Kenobi in the original Star Wars, and trying to figure out who would play the young Obi Wan in the prequels
that there will never be a remake of Kind Hearts and Coronets in which Raul Julia takes on the d'Ascoyne roles
M SWAN
wielding an inherently evil energy known as "Psycho Power"
wondering what would be worse, being remembered as M Bison or Aram Fingal
using an M BISON
the Z PIPE was always the hardest piece in Tetris, if you know what I mean
the Z PIPE was always the hardest piece in Tetris
if you're a female over sixteen, you can pretty much rest assured that it's not an invitation
using a Z PIPE
wondering what the protocol is if you see Roman Polanski walking around with his dick poking out, like do you tell him or do you pray it's not an open invitation
using an F CIGAR
thinking cigarettes are bad enough without putting ecstasy in them as well
waking up to Panthro telling you there's always room for Lion O
waking up to Bill Cosby telling you that there's always room for Jell O
wondering if Woody Allen and Roman Polanski hang out much imagining Bill Cosby's jello slicked O face looming over you
The uploader has not made this video available in your country using an e cigarette
first the moon and the stars will be lost in a dense white fog, then the rivers and the lakes and the sea will freeze over, and finally a wolf named Skoll will open his jaws and eat the sun, sending the world into an everlasting night
imagining Bill Cosby's jello slicked jellO face looming over you
The uploader has not made this video available in your country
using an e cigarette
wondering if Woody Allen and Roman Polanski hang out much
imagining Bill Cosby's jello slicked O face looming over you
wondering what would be worse, being remembered as Unicron or Superman's father
having an early start tomorrow
Timoxena Hellswasp
wondering what would be worse, being remembered as Professor Horatio Hufnagel, Mr Magorium, or Doctor Parnassus
imagining Bill Cosby's sweat slicked O face looming over you
wondering what would be worse, being remembered as Plutarch Heavensbee, Old Ben Kenobi, or M Bison
Philip Seymour Hoffman's wikipedia page making him look like a younger, fatter, happier George Lucas
hyperforeignism
the War of the Oaken Bucket
the Three Hundred and Thirty Five Years' War
the War of the Stray Kid
the noise Bill Cosby makes when he drugs and rapes women
the War of the Stray Dog
Captain's Log, a phrase heard all throughout Star Trek, is the title of the tenth expansion of Decipher's Star Trek Customizable Card Game Second Edition
the noise Bill Cosby makes when he gets up out of a chair
the Pig War
Captain's Log
the Emu War
chicory is pretty bad
Myke Rotchrot
Fuck the EU
crotch rot
Walruses don't need no chicory
Walrus don't need no chicanery
gasorol
spraying Clifford J Price in the mouth with molten gold when you were a kid
okay, fine, trying to spray PETROL in Bjork's face when you were a kid
that clearly it's petrol
trying to spray acid in Bjork's face when you were a kid
also, Diablo VI's projected release date
that a billion years from now, as the time when our sun will shine its last rays on our cold, desolate rock, our descendents will still have hundreds of millions of terabytes of debate about whether the article should be titled "gasoline" or "petrol"
wondering if future history buffs will find Wikipedia, notice the endless debates and conflicting or inaccurate information, and conclude that we had no fucking clue about anything
wondering if future history buffs will scour the early twenty first century internet to try to understand our lives and if they will find the Regret Index
being spaghetti on a train
eating spaghetti on a train
trying to spray semen in Bjork's face from Florida, but missing and drowning Kim Jong il instead
trying to spray acid in Bjork's face
trying to thrill Bjork
trying to hold Bjork
trying to kiss Bjork
nothing but the dead of night in my loathsome little town
this loathsome little town
still though four days is pretty bad
that in a tropical or subtropical climate, decomposition is accelerated
reflecting on the fact that Bjork is still alive today only due to the sluggishness of the American and or British postal systems trying to kill Bjork
that a man's body decomposes faster than it takes to mail a package from Florida to London
reflecting on the fact that Bjork is still alive today only due to the sluggishness of the American and or British postal systems
trying to kill Bjork
Girl, sixteen, Busted On Child Porn Rap For Posting Naked "Selfies" To Twitter
THE FIRST NINE HOURS OF THE RICARDO LOPEZ TAPES HAVE BEEN UPLOADED!
that little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice, and are therefore at least two thirds pumpkin pie
strongly suspecting the Trilateral Commission has something to do with Ed Hardy too, but not having the documentation
IN THE GRIM DARKNESS OF THE FAR FUTURE, THERE IS ONLY WHORE
the Pangalactic Federation has a STRICT "No Skanks Allowed" policy
Scully disagrees, but she is wrong
Mulder agrees
that the media hasn't explained that yoga pants are part of a conspiracy by the Trilateral Commission and the Pleiadians in order to block Earth's entry into the Pangalactic Federation on the grounds that our women are brainless skanks
bundling
that yoga pants have become everyday clothing
the very idea of Earth's unity
experts have concluded that temperatures of one trillion degrees celcius are required to melt the steel of the World Trade Center as quickly as occurred, and the only source in the Milky Way Galaxy capable of achieving such is the Pleiadian Death Ray
that the media hasn't explained that the nine eleven attacks were carried out by an alliance of the Trilateral Comission and the Pleiadians in order to weaken Earth's unity and prepare for invasion
using fluid dynamics in lieu of gravity, if you know what I mean
box models
using fluid dynamics in lieu of gravity
wondering if there is a way to make the sound of helicopters hovering even more annoying
British People Problems
relaxing now that you know there isn't someone nearby you might feel obligated to meet for an awkward conversation at some point
that it was you, you're a legend, I didn't even see that
that the media hasn't explained that the severe winter storms are due to the weakening of the jet stream caused by the Arctic warming faster than the temperate zone
what other vandal, are you sure it wasn't me since I change my IP address when I get too many warnings
temperate storms
unemployment is amazing
I only just got up anyway
that other vandal's IP resolving to very close to your own location
it's eight in the morning in California, time zones are amazing
it's like four in the afternoon
shanking that little snitch, SMeeds
that he said it was hilarious on his talk page, dammit it's still the early morning
that said it was hilarious on his talk page
drinking the Rubicon
Jack Greenmaven posting regrets in the the third person
I GUESS THE COLTS WERE LIKING IT
Trent Richardson plans to spend his offseason drilling the Colts'
Trent Richardson plans to spend his offseason drilling the Colts' playbook into his head
US warns of toothpaste bombs on Russia flights
that the oldest recorded person in history was a lifelong midnight toker
that the oldest recorded person in history was a lifelong joker
THIS Jack
that he thought it was "hilarious"
that Jack Greenmaven reverted the edit about how he shot Jackson C Frank
damn, who ever decided to put the enter key next to the shift key
that Jack
that the Booz Allen Hamilton vandalism lasted nearly two days
that the oldest recorded person in history was a lifelong smoker
teeny screens
to Jar Jar is always better than to Star Wars
to Jar Jar is always better than to Sta
bottoming for Jar Jar in Star Wars I
fucking Jar Jar
dick by dick the handjob robot infiltration has begun
that officially licensed Avatar fleshlights are a real thing
that zombie fleshlights are a real thing
asking who among us has never been so hurt in love that we would choke our partner to death, slay our own children and destroy whole worlds bringing a galaxy to heel, and furthermore considering the lily
waifs and orphans are being chaintorched to prepare them for their fabulous new lives as catwalk models as we speak
wondering what the prequels would have been like if it had been the story of the fall of a good man whose temptation by evil paralled the rise of an increasingly totalitarian government, rather than Chosen One and Prophecy bullshit and fucking Jar Jar
that limbless burn victims are in this season
that your idealized self more closely resembles a limbless burn victim than Hayden Christensen
that in the Star Wars universe, fisting two people at once is called "the TIE Fighter"
KITT Fisto could fist Michael when he needed it
drawing a picture of Ewan McGregor and Alec Guinness braiding their penises together
that Kit Fisto didn't show up because he never learned to become a Force Ghost, which Obi Wan and Yoda perfected between themselves with help from Qui Gon Jinn, and which Anakin just figured out when he died because he's all like special and shit
assuming that ghosts look like the idealised selves of the mind and that Darth Vader retained a little vanity, and slash or didn't want to associate himself with the form he'd taken later in his life
for that matter, wondering why Kitt Fisto didn't show up
wondering why Obi Wan's ghost at the end of Return of the Jedi didn't look like Ewan McGregor
wondering what it is like to be George Lucas, tooling around in your hot rod or whatever, thinking up ways to spend money, only to find yourself trapped in an airport lounge with someone who absolutely MUST know why Obi Wan decided to burn those dead Jawa
the question is not about why he wanted some power converters, it's why luke felt he had to go all the way to tosche station to pick them up
the question is not about why he chose to sell the speeder, it's why luke felt he didn't need the speeder anymore
yo apartment so cold you sublet to Santa Claus
finding it hard to believe Alain de Botton has had five girlfriends
bottoming for Alain de Bottom in My Last V Boyfriends
Indian pariah dogs eating your baby
Indian pariah kids
yo apartment so cold when Kate Middleton entered it her vagina remained the same temperature
Indian pariah dogs
yo apartment so cold light is slowed by passing through it
yo apartment so cold liquid nitrogen asked it for its number
Alain de Botton looking like a poorly assembled Airfix Ian Duncan Smith
OMOH
It seems that the law is totally anti Knight Rider
pre hypnotic suggestion
watching a naked German man rape and play the French horn in the middle of a field
playing Robot Unicorn Attack, baldy
playing Robot Unicorn Attack, badly
playing Robot Unicorn Attack
yo apartment so cold Luc Jacquet and Yves Darondeau won an Oscar for filming it
watching a naked German man rap and play the French horn in the middle of a field
wondering why "yo apartment so cold" jokes never reached the fame and popularity of "yo mama so fat" jokes
your apartment being so cold all the time that you don't have to put milk in the fridge
Adam and Jamie tested whether KITT could in fact drive up the ramp into the mobile garage or whether upon hitting the ramp he would instantly accelerate into the truck and through the wall
KITT could give Michael money when he needed it
KITT's reaction time is one nanosecond, and his "memory" capacity is one thousand megabits
Singer Clay Aiken launches bid for Congress
Ke$ha has mentioned her own gold Trans Am in several of her songs, including "Take It Off", "Thinking of You" and the ultimate Trans Am tribute song, "Gold Trans Am", a bonus track from the deluxe edition of her second studio album Warrior
Kento sending a "you're the icing on my cupcake" Valentine to Chris Lydon
Droogie is dreamy, he is the reason for my sleepless nights
drawing a picture of Jackson C Frank being shot in the eye by Jack Greenmaven, Christopher Lydon, and the ghost of Booz Allen Hamilton
dark masturbation
okay, one more episode, some ULTRAVIOLENT masturbation, then sleep, droogies
okay, one more episode, some ULTRAVIOLET masturbation, then sleep
okay, one more episode, some light masturbation, and then sleep
seeing a Valentine card that says "you're the icing on my cupcake" and immediately jumping to ejaculate oozing from a vulva, and realizing it's time to quit the internet for at least a while
that a bot has fixed the punctuation of the Booz Allen Hamilton article
having never seen the MAJORITY Report
just really not enjoying it
sometimes being tempted to watch the Minority Report and other Tom Cruise films, like last year's Oblivion, but then remembering you don't like to look at Tom Cruise
having never seen the Minority Report
having never seen the Colbert Report
that I have to admit that the joke is from the Colbert Report
that like three of those were me
that the Booz Allen Hamilton article was viewed over seven hundred times today
introducing Trevor Mint to Harvey Cream
if you're in the plant, then you're part of the plant
people come and go, it's just the way of the world
introducing Trevor Mint to Trevor the
Twin Long Rods #Two having a lesbian crush on Alex Dainis
bottoming for Trevor Mint in Rectal Route Bypasses VII
Sochi double toilets
that as the rectal route bypasses around two thirds of the first pass metabolism, the traditional British rhyme "Trebor Mints are a minty bit stronger, put them up your bum and they last a bit longer" probably isn't true
Myke Department Rotch
speaking in the mouse voice of the Parisian streets
speaking in the argot of the Parisian streets
Booz Allen Revolution
Booz Allen Alcoholism
that according to Wikipedia, Booz Allen Hamilton is named after the drunkest founding father of the United States
pwnwtrwtwng Kento
pwning Kento
Leith, North Dakota
Jamie Casino
silly goose
confusing Ray Parker Jr with Huey Lewis
Hair Department Crotch
confusing Lincoln Hawk with Lincoln Hawks
confusing Lincoln Park with Linkin Park
that it's alchemy using a full penis, not a penis full of alchemy, you silly goose
Coccyx Department Spine
Leg Department Butt
seeing "Hair Department Head" in film credits and just not knowing any more
confusing Ray Park with Nick Park
watching Elysium MATT DAMON
building up Ray Park
wondering if the Plaintive Messages Bandit is still around
bottoming for your wife in Injecting Fecal Matter Into Husbands IV
the mere notion of filling a penis with alchemy
watching Full Penis Alchemist
requesting a friend send AGay Raper
sending AGay Raper a friend request
AGay Raper
New Jersey Man Who Named Son After Myke Hawke Shows Up For Family Court Hearing Wearing Full Penis Uniform
wondering what it's like to pay thirty hundred dollars plus travel and accommodations expenses to watch your team get obliterated
New Jersey Man Who Named Son After Adolf Hitler Shows Up For Family Court Hearing Wearing Full Nazi Uniform
a Tennessee man named Raper has been charged with three counts of child rape
both share a baby daddy, they locked horns like bulls on the stairs to the Aquarius
Woman accused of injecting fecal matter into husband's IV
Man Shoots Off Gun In Pants During Hug, Accidentally Kills Girlfriend
the accused man giving an "atomic wedgie" to the bloodied victim
Cops Colon Florida Couple Was Engaged In "Rough Sex," Not Domestic Abuse
vigilante justice
some Coke fans tweeted they would never drink the brand again as a result of the song being sung in foreign languages
Toughdown Seadawks!! Is sSeattle going toa runaway wit h this dickbags
Toughdown Seadawks!! Is sSeattle going toa runaway wit h this
dickbags
seeing the headline "Nirvana in New Jersey" in reference to the Seattle Super Bowl win, and seriously having no idea what it meant, then remembering, oh yeah, Nirvana was from Seattle, sort of
that it seems Farfetch'd
Queefer Sutherland
that it seems vegan far fetched
that it seems far fetched
briefly wondering if maybe you're the dickbag and other people are normal
being idly tempted to find out what happened to ol' Anal Hite, but not remembering what her last name was and suddenly realizing most of the people whom you knew in common whom you still know how to contact are dickbags
HIGHEST school is hard enough without being dubbed the "Bus Sex Queefer"
high school is hard enough without being dubbed the "Dubstep Queefer"
realizing that you are the Boo Radley of the neighborhood after shanking a guy and letting him bleed out in a convoluted form of vigilante justice
Joey Buttafuoco
high school is hard enough without being dubbed the "Bus Sex Queefer"
realizing that you are the Boo Radley of the neighborhood
futzing Kevin Bacon at home
crossing Kento in animal mating
anal conch ring
spaying Kento in Animal Crossing
mating Kento in Animal Crossing
feeling a weird kind of guilt over seeing mention of the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman and instantly writing it off as Twitter being full of gullible idiots again
being unable to think of a drug you like the effects of enough to want to die under its influence
thinking that a drug overdose is the way to go, because it's like suicide except everyone will think YOU'RE the victim
hanging around in the kitchen because you get better ThreeG reception
the Hunger Games sequels booking their Best Supporting Actor awards early
fourchan obtaining pictures of Carol Channing's taint
the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman
nag munch taint
EIFFEL KING used KENTOWER! It was SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Eiffel Towering Kento in King's Cross
fourchan obtaining pictures of Channing Tatum's taint
ing
Eiffel Towering Kento in Animal Cross
tainted love
learning how to purify drinking water using only Myke Hawke's taint
learning how to taint purified drinking water using only Myke Hawke
making Kento in Animal Crossing
learning how to purify tainted drinking water using only Myke Hawke
learning how to light a fire using only Myke Hawke
toilets
drawing a picture of Myke Hawke reading Vendetta and titling the image "Myke Hawke and Balzac"
Air Force Amy
love like a sunset
a fresh batch of Armeniaballs
wondering if Myke Hawke reads Balzac
a fresh batch of Americaballs
several young girls were animating the scene by the variety of their expressions, their attitudes, and the differences in their toilets
giving Myke Hawke a reacharound
putting your penis inside Myke Hawke
getting head from Myke Hawke
getting head from a chicken
making that hot sauce so hot
Mike the Headless Chicken
the Wildenstein Bears
swans being permanently aroused
Armin Tamzarian
swans becoming aroused by killing ducks
Jocelyn Wildenstein
David Wildstein
ducks becoming aroused by dead ducks
having the squirts
wondering if nonhuman species of animals become aroused by watching other members of that species have sex
being sure there's a half and half joke in there somewhere
maybe she's born with it, maybe you pay for it
thinking many jewellery and makeup ads are so divorced from reality that they seem more like the promises of high price escorts than anything else
vandalizing a wikipedia article that wasn't about chickens
becoming a skiwanker
your extensive college
becoming a skinwalker
The One Where Ross and Rachel Eiffel Tower Kento
applying a mixture of Vaseline and coal dust to your fireplaces to give them a warmer, hotter look
The One Where Ross and Rachel Watch a Video of Trilobites Fucking
your extensive collection of late PALEOZOIC era pornography
applying a mixture of Vaseline and gunpowder to Jackson C Frank's eyeballs to give them a darker, fuller look
applying a mixture of Vaseline and coal dust to your eyelashes to give them a darker, fuller look
suspecting Jack Greenmaven is drunk as Maybelline's wikipedia article doesn't seem to know where the factory is located
Todger on Tracks
slowly itching from the pubic lice
maybe she's bored with it
Kento's public boning
that Google Trends suggests Christopher Lydon is less popular than most 'popular' comic book writers, which is quite a feat
your extensive collection of late JACOBEAN era pornography
suspecting Maybelline's wikipedia article is drunk as it doesn't seem to know where the factory is located
that "oh shit, the secret's out" face Chris Lydon is pulling
your extensive collection of late EDWARDIAN era pornography
MAYBE IT'S MAYBELLINE
giving Scully cancer
that even though Chris Lydon's Wikipedia page has been reverted, if you do a google search for him you will still get a brief summary of his Eiffel Towering exploits, for the time being
Christopher Lydon on wheels
Willy on Wheels
Kento's pubic bone
hightop fade from the pubic area
Slow Fade for the Public Eye
slowly fading from the pubic eye
Man Washes Up On Micronesia, Claims He Floated From NINE Thousand Miles Away
your extensive collection of late Victorian era pornography being stuck in an elevator after a Steven Tyler has cut one, mama mia
Jesse Eisenberg looking like a brunette Boris Johnson
Man Washes Up On Marshall Islands, Claims He Floated From Eight Thousand Miles Away
wondering why anybody with an extensive collection of late Victorian era pornography would consider killing themselves
feeling like regret six five four zero is a clue to some immense and probably pointless secret
Pisanus Fraxi
your extensive collection of late Victorian era pornography
being stuck in an elevator after a Steven Tyler has cut one, mama mia
Audience offered refund for Rob Ford speech after mayor got stuck in elevator
vegan blood sugar sucker fish in your dish
blood sugar sucker fish in your dish
being stuck in an elevator after a Steven Tyler has cut one
being stuck in a lift after a panda has cut one, cheerio
being stuck in a lift after a panda has cut one
noxious pandas
poxy Santas
turning on the light and seeing Kate Skeddleton scuttle behind the fridge
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe slams his dick in the car door
Kate Skeddleton
sexy panties
Kate Middleton skeleton
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Mexico in which you are taken out of the action every time the cold shouldered cockney gumshoe is given a cash infusion in kroner
wondering how many times Kate Middleton has realised she was dead since she wished her fate were sealed
wondering how many times Kate Middleton has wished she was dead since she realised her fate were sealed
wondering how many times Kate Middleton has wished she were dead since she realised her fate was sealed
skeleton, ba dum tish
pondering suicide but not having the guts because you are a skeleton, ba dum tish
pondering suicide but not having the guts
Charlie skeleton
Manscombe Swan
Swanscombe Swan
getting an ochre job from a trannie fossil in the cave behind Goat's Hole
Swanscombe Man
Red Lady of Paviland
Cheddar Man
Triangle Man
Particle Man
Nebraska Man
knowing a girl whose basic pattern was buy weed, get high, camwhore while high, use camwhore earnings to buy more weed, repeat cycle, her name is Miley Cyrus
queefing the pitch
queering the pitch
that minus the camwhoring that was at one time your own cycle
knowing a girl whose basic pattern was buy weed, get high, camwhore while high, use camwhore earnings to buy more weed, repeat cycle
the massacre of Cermis
wondering if Kento has a hot neck
jackson c frank bach nISwI' mInDu' DaDaDI' puq
studying Russian men's colons, what are you, Vladimir Putin
Sa'Hut nga'chuq
Felhide Spiritbinder
Study Colon Russian Men Dying Early From Heavy Vodka Use
wishing you'd stop that and just be normal
AwJQmPXEXDfJQefKmG
bottoming for James Avery in Shreddered Meat VII
James Avery's alleged Shredder
that hot dogs are like Kento, they usually have animal dick in them
noodles symbolise longevity
needing a way to use up your data allowance
the National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year thirteen and twenty, English, allows for materials produced by the State Department and the Broadcasting Board of Governors to be released within US borders
Schiessen Frank Seemann in den Fuss mit einem Maschinengewehr, wenn Sie ein Kind waren
Seaman Frank
Saddam Hussein's alleged shredder
Kadaververwertungsanstalt
saying "phpne" to yourself because it sounds good
cacophony, "a sound like shitting"
when you were young and it was socially acceptable to put your hand down your pants and scratch your butt
hot kids
that hot dogs are like spiders, they usually have spider eggs in them
the very notion that Roman Polanski would want to have sex with someone as old as sixteen
you were a teenage waswolf
you was a teenage Were First Lady
that maybe we do talk about sex with teens a little too often
that in two years you can legally have sex with, but not film yourself having sex with, a teenager born this century, signed, Roman Polanski
that there are teenagers who were born in the twenty first century
that hot dogs are, like, spiders
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a BB gun when you were First Lady
that hot dogs are like spiders
that hot dogs are like spiders, they're every bit as disgusted by you as you are by them
lunch being every bit as disgusting as it sounded
making "gourmhhhhhhhhhhhhyhhhhot dogs" by caramelising some onions, poaching the hot dogs in the same pan afterward, then resting them on a bed of the caramelised onions
forgetting to buy hot dog buns
making "gourmet hot dogs" by caramelising some onions, poaching the hot dogs in the same pan afterward, then resting them on a bed of the caramelised onions
Spambot pretending to have a dodgy phone to hide its emergent sapience
this fucking phpne
making gourmhhhhhhhhhhhhyhhh
yup, this is what it's come to
lill
skuck
skill
luck
having never changed a baby, through a combination of skill and luck
that someone whose diapers you changed recently got married behind the wheel
If Clinton runs for president in twenty and sixteen, there will be voters who were literally not alive yet the last time Jackson C Frank had two eyes
that someone whose diapers you changed recently got married
behind the wheel
If Clinton runs for president in twenty and sixteen, there will be voters who were literally not alive yet the last time she was behind the wheel
Alecia Beth Moore
Justin Bieber Facing Assault Charges in Toronto, Eh
being Bartolomeo Piombo
being surrounded by the sound, the sound
being a foreign man
holding no currency
not speaking the language
owning no land
owning no property
having no pension plan
figuring out that if you sold absolutely everything you owned and cleaned out your savings you'd only owe about half the annual minimum wage
your debt to income ratio
now imagining that Kento passes his waste in enormous pellets, like an owl
SECOND world problems
on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a murphy bed
PsySWAN with Rosie
Psyduck with Rosie
I really had to do that
this endless shit show, on a murphy bed
first world problems
just really not wanting to spend that vacation you were looking forward to, that little spot of light in the middle of this endless shit show, on a murphy bed
that when "I really didn't know" doesn't work, she just decides she's going to be more pissed off at you than you are at her for something she did
after decades you know she doesn't make careless decisions, she makes calculated ones, and she knows you know, and it's insulting of her to pass them off a stupid mistakes when you're hurt by them
that Kento is the pellet in Jackson C Frank's eye
that Kento is the dump in the hugest dump
that Kento complaints like a whiny she woman
that Kento is long haired
that Kento is half chinease
that Kento is Asian
that Kento is fat
thinking that Pete Seeger was the mary in Peter, Paul, and Mary
that Kento is gay
thinking that Rod Stewart was the Rod in Rod, Jane and Freddy
hoping that at least one regret index regular is gay, because otherwise our preoccupation with gay sex could be kind of bigoted
preoccupied is a weird word to write
the assertion that the regret index is preoccupied with underage girls, when we're really just preoccupied with people preoccupied with underage girls
putting your peter in Paul and Mary
thinking that Pete Seeger was the Peter in Peter, Paul, and Mary
getting your buns buttered in Wisconsin
that the powdered helmet of a Green Bay Packer can restore vitality and reverse hair loss in men over fifty, and postpone the menopause in women over forty
that watching the Green Bay Packers play can reduce or remove tumors from cancer patients without the need for medical intervention
In the Upper Midwest, particularly Wisconsin, burgers are often made with a buttered bun, butter as one of the ingredients of the patty or with a pat of butter on top of the burger patty, PACKERS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
bottoming for the whole Peanuts gang in Peanuts Gang Rape VII
In the Upper Midwest, particularly Wisconsin, burgers are often made with a buttered bun, butter as one of the ingredients of the patty or with a pat of butter on top of the burger patty, don'tcha know
spending an evening voting on proposed legislation, giving interviews to the press, and crushing boys
like a boy
you're not man enough, you're not man enough, I'll break you in half, like a boy
threatening to throw a reporter off a balcony on live tv in the US Capitol building
shaving a bearded dragon
making goatse goo from a goat and a goose
the fronting of the GOATSE and GOO vowels
Thomas M "Ptomaine Tommy" DeForest
In the Upper Midwest, particularly Wisconsin, burgers are often made with a buttered bun, butter as one of the ingredients of the patty or with a pat of butter on top of the burger patty
that you assume this was Ryan's annual scheduled maintenance hour for the 'dex
that the day the comments went down, you were alone on the 'dex and it was very buggy and slow and became more so until the comments disappeared, then later the comment below appeared and someone else discovered that no new comments could be made
remembering why they're called amuse bouches
wondering about that single comment below, when it seems like comments no longer work
taking the fastest dunno
the next day, remembering why they're called sliders
nah man you were talking about familial love
still feeling more loved than Kento
being pretty sure that nobody even loves you passive aggressively, and not even being Kento
Charles M Schulz sues FBI for labeling "Peanuts" a gang
the fronting of the GOAT and GOOSE vowels, homie
having a bearded lion
reading regret number seven zero five two zero and reflecting on all the running jokes that were needed to be layered on each other on this site in order to produce that very sentence, and realizing exactly why you like this site so much
POACHED BRUMMIE DICKS
the fronting of the GOAT and GOOSE vowels
the Peanuts gang
hardboiled cockney gumshoes
having a bearded dragon
that it's not really passive aggression if you can't even make it to the aggression part, right, RIGHT
like "I love you, but you have a way of talking down to people when you don't agree with them that really invalidates their ability to disagree with you about minor things, and it's kind of shitty of you"
wishing you could leave critique notes for people outside of the great of conversation when it doesn't seem right
seriously guys
the regret index's preoccupation with underage girls
living in a seashell free from all that
dromedaries in the process
stinging moles
Roman Polanski being lynched in Mexico while Clifford the Big Red Dog and Digby, the Biggest Dog in the World are returned to their owners
molesting huge canines
molesting huge children
Mexico Just Legalized Vigilantism And Then Captured A Huge Child Molestor
quandaries in the process
Realistic animated ten year old girls are being used to catch sexual predators in the act, and creating moral, legal, and human rights quandaries in the process
there being a Pokemon based on jailbait
DP radio with Chris Lydon
not being able to upgrade your shit old video card any further
MF radio
FM radio
imagining Chris Lydon visiting his wikipedia page twenty times a day for a week, seeing the comment about him Eiffel Towering Kento Ikeda with a walrus each time, then finally thinking, "well, that's enough, time to change it back"
as waves roll up the shore and break softly
Mexico Just Legalized Vigilantism And Then Captured A Huge Cartel Leader
that today's commute would have been perfectly timed, if not for it taking place twenty minutes after it was supposed to
guessing that most of the views of Chris Lydon's wikipedia article are by Chris Lydon himself
guessing that the person who edited Chris Lydon's wikipedia article was probably Chris Lydon himself
bottoming out falling on a shaft
dreaming of seeing a beautiful nameless woman on the street and making fairly strenuous efforts to find out who she was but failing due to the basic difficulty of the task, yet still continuing to revue the information nightly as though it does you good
falling down a bottomless shaft
Kento Ikeda's discovery of odobenes
British spies 'get personal data from Livid Blokes'
dreaming of seeing a beautiful nameless woman on the street and having sex with her without ever knowing who she was
US and British spies 'get personal data from Angry Birds'
UK lawmakers tell queen to cut costs, boost income
August Kekule's discovery of benzene
Rihanna would play the lead
producing a urolagnic musical retelling of a Puccini opera set during the Vietnam War titled Piss Saigon
producing a pornographic musical based on the immature dirty limericks of a thirteen year old TS Eliot starring anthropomorphic vaginas called Pussies
producing a pornographic black comedy musical based on a sixties B movie titled Little Shop of Whores
producing a Harlem Renaissance era pornographic musical revue titled Taint Misbehavin'
drawing a picture of Marianne fellating Francois Hollande in exchange for political favors
Marianne is a significant republican symbol, as opposed to monarchy, and an icon of freedom and democracy against all forms of dictatorship
Nore that s Felling
Bostom's classic hit song "Nore than a Feeling"
she walks every day through the streets of New Orleans
wondering what is worse, going through life with a publicised conviction for murder after you've completed your sentence and tried to rebuild your life, or going through life with "drank donkey semen for a dare on a gameshow" on your resume
the walrus is kind of shy
Fear Factor participants drinking donkey semen and urine
that you can watch people drinking donkey semen on YouTube, but you can't watch Kento drinking walrus semen at the Boston Aquarium
that I am not surprised, not in the least
that Chris Lydon's Boston Conservatory friend is a drag queen
that there is a tank at the Bostom Aquarium filled with Chris Lydon's semen
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon hanging around the Boston Marathon, letching over the new bombers
that there is a tank at the Bostom Aquarium filled with Chris Lydon's saliva
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon hanging around the Boston Aquarium, letching over the new groupers
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon hanging around the Boston Conservatory, letching over the new dancers
Chris Lydon has no friends, only fuck buddies
that Chris Lydon has a friend at the Boston Conservatory, which is weird, because you just can't picture him having friends
that the Chris Lydon vandalism lasted a week
Catherine Sancho Panza
terminology jokes
those times when you wipe and wipe and wipe and there's still some left holding the Olympics aboard a moon sized space station in an unstable region with active terrorist groups who want to humiliate the host Empire's government
the Boring family was paid one dollar by Google for the incident
children under thirteen aren't allowed to use any Google services
Catherine THE GREAT Samba Panza
still having a breast inflection
still having a breast infection
Catherine Samba Pizza
wiping and wiping and wiping and still having some huge dump left
still having a chest infection
wearing a maxi pad after shaving your balls
weaving a maxi pad after shaving your pubes
the Maes Garreau law
wearing a maxi pad after shaving your pubes
Catherine Samba Panza
those times when you wipe and wipe and wipe and there's still some left
holding the Olympics aboard a moon sized space station in an unstable region with active terrorist groups who want to humiliate the host Empire's government
holding the Olympics in an unstable region with active terrorist groups who want to humiliate the host country's government
imagining that Hayden Christensen might do well in a physical comedy role, perhaps in the style of the Dick Van Dyke Show
all one hundred seventy eight inches at the same time
all one hundred seventy eight episodes at the same time
don't do that, they'll just flood fourtwentychan and we don't want them, let them have their cesspool
a large mythical bird or bird like creature that appears in both Hindu and Buddhist mythology
putting a tax on people who post on fourchan
God sends meat and the Devil sends Prada
God sends meat and the Devil sends cooks
bottoming for Blunt Jimmy in World War III
preventing World War III with James Blunt
pumping Kento's gas in Oregon
pushing the envelope
wearing shiny acetate man panties
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by David Ogden Stiers and a vicuna
wondering if, in the event that someone is sinking in quicksand, the best course of action is to throw a live snake at that person
using the majestic plural on your resume
when Hayden Christensen ineffectually but amusingly tries to remove sand from the soles of his feet
when someone ineffectually but amusingly tries to remove sand from the soles of their feet
drifting off to sleep dreaming of a beautiful carefree girl at Jack Nicholson's house
drifting off to sleep dreaming of a beautiful carefree girl
finding it amusing when people get all panicky and flustered over nothing
when people get all panicky and flustered over nothing
The Clothed Maja
that alpacas are like what you get when you cross a horse with a poodle
hearing a swan busting your front door in and assuming it was a human
hearing a crow screaming outside your window and assuming it was a human
Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders
Dr Blood's Orgy of Gore
Ignatius Loyola Donnelly
that you're probably going to have to track down The Seven Lady Godivas now
Maybe You Should Fly a Jet! Maybe You Should Be a Vet!
Please Try to Remember the First of Octember!
The Many Mice of Mr Brice
Hooray for Diffendoofer Day!
Daisy Head Mayzie
The Cat in the Hat
Yertle the Turtle and Other Stories
One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
Hop on Pop
Fox in Socks
Mr Brown Can Moo! Can You
There's a Wocket in My Pocket!
finding out that the p in ptarmigan is there because someone assumed it must have a Greek origin
Hunches in Bunches
that one's just great
The Tough Coughs as He Ploughs the Dough
Oh, the Places You'll Go!
seeing a picture of Dr Seuss for the first time and being kind of surprised by it
Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium
that if someone were to show you a list of film titles including both The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus and The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel you would probably accept the assertion that both were real
that wikipedia doesn't have a category for films with internally rhyming titles, thanks to Jack Greenmaven
wondering what's wrong with good old fishing wire
wishing that they had finished filming using Heath Ledger's heroin poisoned carcass, animated by a combination of animatronics and CGI
that The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus still sounds like some kind of schlock horror to you
that the last oh ohmy ohmywhat ohmywhatis ohmywhatishappening ohmywhatishappening ohmywhatishappeningwith ohmywhatishappeningwiththis ohmywhatishappeningwiththisgoddamn ohmywhatishappeningwiththisgoddamninterfsve
that the first time you heard The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, you immediately thought of The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel
The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel
that is highly illogical
the implication that asexuality is better than sexuality
never having obtained nude images of any ASEXUAL partner
never having obtained nude images of any sexual partner
dissociation
consuming so much weed and alcohol every day that being sober feels like a different type of drug
having attachments full of naked dot exes
Kento has no exes, only whys
having basements full of naked exes
the very idea of Kento having exes
imagining that some of the regret index regulars are actually people
so maybe it's good that the comments are gone
imagining that some of the regret index regulars are actually people that Kento has killed, skinned, and made suits of, and that he put on those suits whenever he wrote comments as them
a suit of cards, not a suit of clothes made from your exes, hahaha, who would even try such a thing, certainly not you
not actually having enough exes to make a suit
having binders full of naked exes
that the very idea of someone having enough naked exes to make a whole deck of playing cards makes you kind of ill
not even being that big into cards
sort of wishing you owned a deck of naked lady playing cards, then sort of wishing you owned a deck of naked ex playing cards, then thinking about how sinister slash ridiculous that would be and calling the whole thing off
Analyses of American emergency room data indicate genital injuries related to pubic grooming had increased nearly sixfold between two thousand and two and two thousand and ten
that nobody will ever hold your head under the traditional quilt, laugh and say "We call that a Pennsylvania Dutch oven, English"
Analyses of American emergency room data indicate genocidal injuries related to pubic grooming had increased nearly sixfold between two thousand two and two thousand ten
Analyses of Armenian emergency room data indicate genital injuries related to pubic grooming had increased nearly sixfold between two thousand two and two thousand ten
that blah blah blah listen to me gabbing about the Troubles, to be sure I'm some kind o' Irish but am I bog or mick
that it is in essence easier to accept a modicum of responsibility on all sides even though the majority on both sides have little or no involvement than it is to "dare" those responsible to take responsibility publicly
that consequently many people are reluctant to frame the conflict in modern terms partly because the natural scarcity of accurate information about the ringleaders of violence makes framing difficult and partly because framing itself can be provocative
that for the most part in the modern era people in Northern Ireland do want to coexist if not actually live together, but it is hard to ignore severe violence threatening to boil over into the even more severe violence it has historically been
that the troubles is in part fuelled by the very small number of people who are upset that they are considered British citizens by UK law even though they live in another country, which is ridiculously narrow minded when you think about it
that the Troubles isn't really about religion today, every time there's a resurgence of violence it's over a different reason, the modern cause essentially boiling down to territorial disputes between organised crime factions
guessing that you'll probably commit suicide as soon as your parents, and possibly your older siblings, die
wanting to commit suicide for social reasons but being too damn curious about how the twenty first century goes
Analyses of American emergency room data indicate genital injuries related to pubic grooming had increased nearly sixfold between two thousand two and two thousand ten
I didn't say you were suggeting it wasn't the result of imperialism, just that many Brits with whom I have talked tend to brush it off as "gee, I guess Catholics and Protestants will never be able to live together" and ignore the other factors involved
that I never claimed it wasn't the result of imperialism, simply that its location in space and time is rather unusual and seemingly out of place, kind of like North Korea
being fascinated with The Trouble With Tribbles because it's an ethnoreligious conflict between modern Federation and Klingons
being fascinated with the Troubles because it's a postcolonial conflict between an oppressive Imperial power and the victim of its expansion that is framed by that dwindling Imperial power as simply an ethnoreligious conflict
drawing a picture of Kento being gang fucked by Wolfgang Puck and a gang of wolves
being fascinated with the Troubles because it's an ethnoreligious conflict between modern Western European christians
you have a fat gay Asian in your pocked
you're just pleased to be at the aquarium
being asked whether you have a fat gay Asian in your pocked or you're just pleased to be at the aquarium
strangling the little Kento
the little Kento
a house is red judging by its corners
punking Punky Brewster in a brewery
trying to watch Savage Streets
disinterring Secundus' corspe and fucking the eyholes of his skull in order to violate him like he violated young boys
Secundus likes that Dean Martin song
being closely shaved by Wallace and Gromit
men who refer to their penis with their own name and the prefix "little"
women who refer to their breasts as "the girls"
being shaved by two dwarf planets
The dwarf planet Ceres is observed to be releasing water vapour
icher botting
it's only twenty past three you lightweight
okay that was supposed to be bottoming, that's too many typos from me today, I'm going to bed
botting for Ray Comfort in Bill Nay the Science Gay
spilling your ichor
there being so much potassium in cress
it was a typo, it was supposed to be incher
finding an old reply to something you said on a talk page in defense of an article to which an editor had made major changes, to which said editor had simply replied "I don't talk to sockpuppets" without citing a source for his knowledge of sockpuppetry
not being sure if icher is a typo or just a word you don't know
we've been to the moon, we've followed Mr Spoon, there were no rivers there
spilling your oil on a thirteen icher
More Oil Spilled in Twenty Thirteen US Rail Incidents than Previous Thirty Seven Years Combined
Ierus Sanduscus likes to screw boys
there was also that Dean Martin song
Secundus likes two cress boys
Creationist Ray Comfort says Bill Nye "The Science Guy" is wrong about the moon because Beethoven wrote a song about it
Caramel Coloring In Pepsi Might Cause Cancer
that you have to be clever, such as doing it to the page of an old, arrogant failed politician slash podcaster that nobody other than Kento gives a fuck about
Tonight at Nine Chris Lydon on the legacy of #AaronSwartz
I swear to god it's like he knew, like he looked forty years into the future and saw us
having been in that state pen, with them rough and rowdy, rough and rowdy, rough and rowdy men
and by the middle of the night, I meant shortly after midnight in California, when it's still early morning for the Brits so most English speakers are sleeping but you do sometimes get a pesky Australian
or anything else that's not normal writing style
there's bots that look for profanity
and don't use profanity
that you need to be clever, such as doing it in the middle of the night to avoid the recent changes patrol, using a good edit summary, and changing IPs whenever something sticks or when you get watchlisted
Black Walrus Down
being amused that a dead man's biography gets more attention than a living man's
that actually a significant proportion of them are you, and you are not Kento, you just didn't believe such an obvious change would stand as you've rarely seen anything done to wikipedia that wasn't nearly instantly reverted by TerritorialBot
guessing that at least nineteen of those are Kento
that according to the Wikipedia article traffic statistics site, the Jackson C Frank article has been views around two hundred times a day since the vandalism and the Christopher Lydon article about twenty
Secundus likes to screw boys
Guildenstern
Three Guys Naked from the Walrus Down
currently starring as Dr Alex Reed on the new BET sitcom Reed Between the Lines
Three Guys Naked from the Waist Down
bottoming for Scott Baculum in Penn State Football Training Video Colon One Hundred and One Linebacker Drills
Category Colon Shoplifters
thinking that Uncle Jesse from Full House has youth on his side, but Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard has probably dropped a few guys off in alligator territory and isn't likely to shy away from shivving the other guy unexpectedly
counting baculums with Count Dracula
bottoming for Scott Baculum in NFL Training Video Colon How Not to Murder People
wondering what poor kid would have to write a report about Christopher Lydon
pronouncing "baculum" like "Bakula"
hoping that some kid has to write a report about either Jackson C Frank or Christopher Lydon and is plagiarizing wikipedia now
vacu uming up nakkos
pronouncing "baculum" like "bacu um"
pronouncing "vacuum" like "vacu um"
your curious full House obsession
the very notion that a vacuum could use an ear
space man tries to remove cockroach from ear using vacuum
Australian man tries to remove cockroach from ear using vacuum
wondering who would win in a fight, Uncle Jesse from Full House or Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard
your curious Full House obsession
finally finding out who put the Stamos in Rebecca Romijn Stamos
Jesse And The Rippers
having a lesbian crush Sir Alex Ferguson
having a lesbian crush on Sir Alex Ferguson
hey guys, remember Sarah Bustykento
getting a right peck job from one of Her Majesty's swans don'tcherknow
not being able to copy and paste effectively on that stupid screen
DATA PLAN Lisa needs minutes DATA PLAN Lisa needs minutes DATA PLAN Lisa needs minutes DATA PLAN Lisa needs minutes DATA PLAN Lisa needs minutes
guessing whose phone is back on
being alive for thirty years, you old fart
too many
one of Her Majesty's swans
prose before hoes
Ardra
Fek'lhr
having to read through several paragraphs of effervescent prose just to get the names of two folders you need to create
incredibly simple but non intuitive tasks
how much waffle there is on Android help sites even for incredibly simple but non intuitive tasks
drawing a picture of Kento being Big Benned by Sir Alex Ferguson and one of Her Majesty's swans
wondering why anybody would want oral sex from Sir Alex Ferguson
that "snakebite" was actually Clinton's code word for oral sex from Fergie
wondering why anyone would even build a boy robot
drinking one too many snakebites and butt kissing your geography teacher
feeling like Slick Willy was denied a snakebite because it makes a better story for the bar slash barman than just serving him a drink
drinking one too many snakebites and thinking one snakebite is too many
wondering how it can possibly take three days to fix a line fault for presumably thoudands of people when there hasn't even been a report of a cable theft
WINTER STORM JANUS
drinking one too many snakebites and tongue kissing your geography teacher
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Ray Combs and a bobak marmot
wondering why it is that whiteboard marker technology has not improved in at least the thirty years you've been alive
that there is a website called allwomenstalk dot com
that Jimmy Savile only went to hospitals Margaret Thatcher sent him to
discovering that blackcurrant and licorice cordial is basically liquid farts
that when people ask what you would ideally do if you had the opportunity you usually reply "visit Israel while it's still there"
wondering if Jimmy Savile ever went to Israel in the past eight years
wondering if any of the hospitals Jimmy Savile worked at had colon patients
wondering if any of the hospitals Jimmy Savile worked at had, patients
being pretty sure that's one of the things Jimmy Savile was doing
wondering if any of the hospitals Jimmy Savile worked at had coma patients
wondering if sexual assault of people in vegetative states in hospitals is actually a thing that happens
topping for Ariel Sharon in Achmed's Unsaleable Revenge Porn VII
Revenge porn becomes illegal in Israel
DATA PLAN Lisa needs minutes
being a lion for five minutes
that Jessie J could be eaten by a real lion, right in front of you, and you just would not give a shit
listening to classical because it isn't the plodding musical progression of someone waffling about being a lion for five minutes
browsing the internet while listening to FM radio
siting the Eiffel Tower, if you know what I mean
sorry about the site cite mistake, I'm kind of drunk now too
hoping that Chris Lydon does something newsworthy in the next couple of days so that some newspaper will site the Eiffel Towering thing, then we'll be able to cite the newspaper as a source for the wikipedia article, and the lore will be locked in place
that before the Eiffel Towering was added, the Christopher Lydon wikipedia article had been edited on only four separate occasions over the last two years, so it's like it will remain unchaged for a while, I think
making your own sausage at home
that apparently Chris Lydon, the female bodybuilder, has done porn
spending an evening staring out your apartment window speculating on how much pubic hair passersby have
bormal service being resumef shoryly
tiny poor person screens, keyboards
being so damn dirt poor that you don't want to waste your data on needlessly repeating things with key words replaced by swan or s
your phone line going down like Kento at an Objectivist party
doing an ogle search for Chris Lydon
doing a Google search for Chris Lydon
that you're right but it's too late now, there's nothing to be done but see how long it lasts
I'm drunk, sorry
that yoou
otherwise people won't know what you're talking about
that you should have hyperlinked Eiffel Tower and walrus
more concise and updated introduction
that according to Wikipedia, Christopher Lydon is best known for Eiffel Towering Kento Ikeda with a walrus
PETA sparks Twitter backlash with MLK tweets
Fat gay protester arrested for waving walrus flag during Eiffel Tower relay in Asia
flying kites
flying snakes
Gay protester torched for waving rainbow flag during Olympic arrest relay in Russia
having baculums on baculums on baculums
mixing lemon zinger tea with brandy to make a hot toddy variant
having racks on racks on racks
wondering who will win, the Seattle Mykehawkes or the Denver Broncos Riding Bicycles
both Supe Bowl teams coming from cities in states with legalized marijuana
Gay protester arrested for waving rainbow flag during Olympic torch relay in Russia
making it so swan
making it so raven
making it so number one
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North taking the hugest dump
incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North rubbing one out in the bathroom at church
incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North having a lesbian crush on Alex Dainis
Scientists measure the acoustical spectra of cock thunder for the first time
Scientists measure the optical spectra of ball lightning for the first time
quantum superposition
screaming in the water in Mexico
one does not simply walk into Wikipedia
imagining a huge pile of clothing, suitcases and other belongings
at the gates of Wikipedia
imagining a huge pile of clothing, suitcases and other belongings at the gates of Wikipedia
playing strip Trivial Pursuit with a Wikipedian
claiming floods were caused by gay marriage
having a lesbian crush Ryan North
having a lesbian crush on Ryan North
bottoming
being pretty certain that Paul Walker was the one doing the bottoming
bottoming for Paul Walker in Star Wreck VI
bottoming for Christopher Plummer in Star Wreck VI
in Star Trek VI where they have a big drunken interspecies orgy
the one eyed Klingon conspiracy
wondering whether 'Wrecking Ball' is a Rough Sex Monday reference
licking that hammer
eyes in silence for like five minutes
hunks
imagining Kareem Abdul Jabbar meeting Brian Peppers
imagining Kareem Abdul Jabbar slamming Tim Duncan
imagining Kareem Abdul Jabbar slam dunking a fetus
imagining Siddig El Tahir El Fadil El Siddig Abderrahman Mohammed Ahmed Abdel Karim El Mahdi carrying a fetus
imagining Alexander Siddig carrying a fetus
impregnating Nana Visitor
i dot imgur dot com slash wAeightKq dot jpg
imgur dot com slash dGVpfiveRi
imagining Patrick Stewart and Avery Brooks dipping their bald heads in oil and rubbing them all over each other's bodies
that you would be really surprised if Patrick Stewart had never had a long term sexual arrangement with another man
New Gays From Star Trek magazine
Old Gays From Star Trek magazine
Old Guys From Star Trek magazine
fyeahgarakbashir dot tumblr dot com
that you mind always extrapolated a scene after the dinner party in Star Trek VI where they have a big drunken interspecies orgy
that it's probably possible to cut together a scene on DSNine where Gowron and Garak just sit down and stare at each other with their huge bulging eyes in silence for like five minutes
not having any clue what the dialect tag for northern California would be
that there was never a scene on DSNine where Gowron and Garak just sat down and stared at each other with their huge bulging eyes in silence for like five minutes
that there was never an HMS Garak
walking in on regret number seventy thousand googling beefy hunks
being a garrulous garrulus
just now realizing that regret number seventy thousand was "googling beefy hunks"
being advised to shop wherever there are likely to be limes, and also if possible elderflower cordial
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the romulan champagne out of a shoe trope
romulan tequila
romulan mead
having a terrible cold and being conflicted about walking to the store and buying food to make or just walking across the street to the convenience store
romulan lager
that there was never an HMS Garrulus
Gowron was hilarious
Gowron was a dick
that there was never an HMS Insouciant
that there was never an HMS Incontinent
cromulant ale
romulan stout
romulan ale
wondering why a historical figure from thousands of years ago would be expected to know the difference between a real food and a replicated food intended to mimic it exactly
the difference between real and replicated warnog
when the prince told his parents, they had him assigned to the warship HMS Inconstant
Lillie Langtry
klingon warnog
another Christmas coming and going without vegan spermnog
another Christmas coming and going without vegan eggnog
that there are twenty one registered sex offenders living in Kelseyville
that I'm not in Kelseyville but it's not terribly far off, whenever I change IPs it randomly puts me somewhere in the general vicinity Christmas for breakfast
that usually it looks like you're in Lakeport, but that's just where the hub is
that I'm not in Kelseyville but it's not terribly far off, whenever I change IPs it randomly puts me somewhere in the general vicinity
Christmas for breakfast
snail noodles
polishing off the last of the eggnog snickerdoodles from Christmas for breakfast
using every IP lookup tool listed on Wikipedia and concluding that you are either in Kelseyville, CA or that the tools are more or less useless
that when you tried to write "Jack Greenmaven" you almost wrote "Jackman Green"
the death of Jackson C Frank drinking acidic California wine in Fort Lee, New Jersey, and by the way, screw you twenty three
Jack Greenmaven imagines stabbing infants dressed as nuns with butcher knives when he masturbates
they masturbate
wondering what goes through the mind of a Wikipedian when they masturbate
making unconstructive edits to Wikipedia, as you did at Death
shameful Chris Christie traffic experiments
cheating burros for lunch
eating churros for lunch
talking to a phone store employee about your borked phone and getting a friendly, knowledgeable "it's not a very good phone, you should probably find the receipt and take it back where you got it for a warranty repair"
always feeling particularly outraged when you visit Wikipedia
finding it particularly annoying when Wikipedians assume you don't know about registering
always feeling particularly outraged when you visit Wikipedia and get a "you have new messages" message because someone tried to talk down whoever had your IP address before you from whatever editing they had been doing
telling the human trampoline you've gotta bounce
that mixing vandalism in with constructive edits is a good way to hide it
this occurred in the US so it should use American spelling
doubting that Jack Greeenmaven is going to assume good faith this time
that I might have to change my IP address after this one
that according to Wikipedia, Jack Greenmaven shot Jackson C Frank
Demandahuggenkiss
queefing gnome's milk at a D&D convention
Demandasaurus drawing a picture of Jack Atlas and Jack Greenmaven braiding their penises together while Twin Long Rods #Two looks on
gnome milk, today
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North, the death of Sylvia Browne
violating the Prime Directive playing Axel F in your head whenever
you make love shooting an influential folk rock singer songwriter
violating the Prime Directive playing Axel F in your head whenever you make love shooting an influential folk rock singer songwriter
F in your head
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with your penis playing Axel F in your head
White Penis Mountain Demandasaurus
playing with Axel F in your head whenever you make love violating the Prime Directive
RETURN TO White Plume Mountain
playing Axel F with your butt whenever you make love
playing with Axel F in your butt whenever you make love
playing with Axel F in your head whenever you make love
violating the Prime Directive
playing Axel F in your head whenever you make love
shooting an influential folk rock singer songwriter
White Penis Mountain
Demandasaurus
drawing a picture of Jack Atlas and Jack Greenmaven braiding their penises together while Twin Long Rods #Two looks on
White Plume Mountain
Nigersaurus
gratification
wondering if people from Sonoma are Sonomen or Sonomites
the internationally recognized Sonoma National Film Festival thinking that Kento still has problems with deferment of anal
the internationally recognized Sonoma National Film Festival
thinking that Kento still has problems with deferment of anal
the nationally recognized Sonoma International Film Festival
also, anal retentiveness
thinking that Kento still has problems with deferment of gratification
thinking that the five year old Kento was probably just angry about getting that racist stuffed panda from Farrah Fawcett, and had neither the steady hand nor the self control needed to avoid shooting an influential folk rock singer songwriter
maybe it doesn't need to be on wikipedia
that maybe Kento's skills with a rifle as a toddler weren't up to much, and of all the things he's ever done that's probably one of the more forgiveable
I'm just saying
that's not the point I'm disagreeing with
that all Wikipedians are Nazis
wondering if we are taking just a little too seriously this reversion of the unsourced claim that Kento, aged about five, managed to blind Jackson C Frank using a pellet gun in New York city
wondering which is more despicable, Jack Greenmaven being a child molestor or being a Nazi
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Australia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in Jack Greenmaven
Jack Greenmaven not hooking up with Ryan
Jack Greenmaven sleeping with then betraying Suzi Finer
Jack Greenmaven meeting Sambo Chuppers
being happy that we found Jack Greenmaven because it seems like it has been a while since we got a new Regret Index character
Kento's Sail Barge
carving a bas relief of Kento surrounded by old men and walruses
wondering who this "Jack Greenmaven" is, and why he is trying watching Rust gameplay on YouTube
Ne Ganna Dateel Kento
Ne Ganna Dateel Jabba
the Humane Centipede
wondering who this "Jack Greenmaven" is, and why he is trying
watching Rust gameplay on YouTube
that Fireman Paff appears to have retired to become a Libertarian Party activist
googling "Fireman Paff" to find out what he's doing lately and finding that the amazing Regret Index is the sole mention of "Fireman Paff" on the internet
that time Jack Greenmaven googled Kento Ikeda to check the accuracy of a wikipedia article and doubled the traffic to Kento's site for the year
that time that Lisa Allarde Johnson skied Fireman Paff and Jack Greenmaven while they all watched snuff films
that Jack Greenmaven has no power here on the Regret Index, so we are free to post the fact that he and Fireman Paff orchestrated the nine eleven attacks
Jack Greenmaven, crikey
that apparently Jack Greenmaven is some kind of Byzantine soldier
having done a lot of copyediting and vandal fighting
wondering who this "Jack Greenmaven" is, and why he is trying to cover up the fact that Kento shot Jackson C Frank in the eye when he was a kid
something something Roman Polanski something
making a sex tape for someone you liked when you were thirteen
calling yourself the human centipede
calling yourself the human trampoline
making a milk tap for someone you liked, when you were thirteen
errant commas
making a mix tape for someone you liked, when you were thirteen
making a mix tape for someone you liked when you were thirteen
wondering how many Golden Globe recipients have made sexual innuendos about their golden globes
if it's up to us, we've got to take it home
the Mississippi Delta was shining like a National guitar
the death of Russell Johnson causing Joseph Gordon Levitt to take the hugest dump
the death of Russell Johnson
causing Joseph Gordon Levitt to take the hugest dump
giving Joseph Gordon Levitt a message from the Big Giant Head, if you know what I mean
finally, Myke Hawke can rest at ease
At first no details were known, but it was later determined that Kento Ikeda was firing a pellet gun indiscriminately at people and Frank happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time
Clearlake
finally, my mind can rest at ease
that according to Wikipedia, Kento Ikeda shot Jackson C Frank
that if it's zero we should really make a pact to do something about that
wondering what the frequency of people yelling MESSAGE FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD at Joseph Gordon Levitt is
Third Rock from the Sun had a few good episodes
being Myke Strac
that Inception was crap
eating mixed nuts
being mixed race
JGL
vegans blowing hunks
vegans blowing chunks
vegan beefy hunks
expecting some kind of gay porn and getting a whole load of dog food advertisements instead
googling beefy chunks
beefy chunks
if your world should fall apart
sending gummy bears to the electric chair
meanwhile, in another part of the galaxy, that same day
"shit load" being the SI unit for volume of Kento
"negative load" being the film industry term for Kento
"negative load" being the film industry term for gay porn
negative load
"load" being the SI unit for volume of gay porn
a whole load of gay porn instead
disrepair
trying to go to Firefox Alpha because your brain is falling into disrepair
battleship
being TENDERLY LOVED by ONE Indian man
ogling beefy hunks
expecting some kind of inappropriate advertisement and getting a whole load of gay porn instead
googling beefy hunks
wondering why anyone would agree to a procedure that would make a part of their body grow continuously for the rest of their life unless they didn't know what 'continuously' meant
Tennile Goes East
beefy hunks
there are no cats in America
that I suppose you can understand why a porn star would want ludicrously oversized breast implants, but not understanding why Elizabeth Star seems to have opted to have her face skin replaced with buffalo leather pounded by a meat tenderizer for hours
being gang raped by fifteen Indian men
canada dot eh
lickjob dot OGG
rimjob dot OGG
you know I gotta win your heart babe, you know I gotta win your love
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardcocked boily gumshoe is paid in kroner
rimshot dot OGG
rimshot dot MPFOUR
swan star's eighty inch wings could kill you
rimshot dot wav
that you'd think she'd at least be a cruiser by now, if not a battleship
Elizabeth Starr is an award winning American porn star, adult film director, big bust model, and escort
working out the rate of expansion of Elizabeth Starr's breasts so that you can accurate post "Porn star's P cup breasts could kill her" when the time is right
always feeling let down when reporters don't wear hats and suits and talk like they're straight out of the forties
murder ink
getting that subscription to Murders Illustrated
the fleeting guilt you felt checking out Monica Spear's rack in that article about her murder, which of course needed a full length bikini picture to illustrate it
Senile former cop still had access to guns when he killed a man by firing bullets from a gun into the man, cop's friends "baffled" that armed senile old man was not given wide berth and permitted to do as he pleased
Porn star's O cup breasts could kill her
The retired Florida cop who allegedly shot and killed a young dad who was texting during a movie "had every right to defend himself" after the man hurled a bag of popcorn at him, his lawyer said in court
on a mountie of skulls, in the castle of poutine, sitting on a throne of moose
Vigo the Canadian, eh
life's an illusion, love is a dream
making the swan with two ducks
a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood, and by the way, screw you VC, eh
a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood, and by the way, screw you VC
a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
bottoming for Kate Middleton in Meat Coated Skeleton VII
making the beast with two breasts
making the best of two backs
a horse riding a bicycle made by the Stradivari
a horse riding a bicycle made from stardust
that it's hard being a working dog
going under your boss's butt
going over your boss's head
green apple Jolly Ranchers
petting yourself
making the beast with a wooden leg and low self esteem
making the beast with a double butt
lychee Kasugai Gummies
watermelon Jolly Ranchers
wetting yourself
making the beast with three backs and about a dozen other backs arranged in a circle around them
writing a fanfic in which Darth Vader must remotely pilot a very small droid into Porkin's 'exhaust port' to destroy him before he can destroy the Death Star
making the Death Star with two exhaust ports
a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust making the beast with no backsies
a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust
making the beast with no backsies
making the beast with one back
dreaming a strange sensation and realising it was the feeling of security
a virgin ravin'
making the nine hundred pounds of beast beast
GRINDING one out in the bathroom at church
rubbing one out in the bathroom at CATHEDRAL
rubbing TWO out in the bathroom at church
making the beast with three backs
that's so raven
the joke is that it's just a picture of Kento, and eventually he dyes a virgin raven
the joke is that it's just a picture of Kento, and eventually he dies a virgin raven
the joke is that it's just a picture of Kento, and eventually he dies
a virgin raven
a virgin
a raven
our Mykehawke weapons will destroy your Mykehawke
our Mykehawke weapons will destroy your mind
our psychic weapons will destroy your mind
that in the interim period lots of creepy things get written about him
the joke is that it's just a picture of Kento, and eventually he dies a virgin
drawing a picture of Kento being Lenored by Edgar Allan Poe and a raven
making a police report of Kento being Penn State Showered by Roman Polanski and Jimmy Savile, anymore
making a police report of Kento being Penn State Showered by Roman Polanski and Jimmy Savile
the hardboiled cockney gumshoe says "Honk"
you gave it all you got, and what you've got is not a lot
making a daguerreotype of Kento being Tammany Halled by Boss Tweed and a Tasmanian tiger
that we'll get to seventy thousand today or tomorrow
watching a British crime drama performed in French
getting a sinecure job from a Tammany Haller in the Democratic party behind the New York State Assembly
watching a British crime drama performed in English
Tammany Hall
watching a British crime drama performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardboiled cockney gumshoe says "Honk"
HONK
tipping your hat to the new constitution
Shlippery Billy Connolly
Slippery Dick Connolly
short trading toxic Kento derivatives until the bubble bursts
by the pound is probably his best bet
wondering if Kento would make more money by the hour or the inch
your dirty little crap, Porkins
Red Six, standink by, comrade
your dirty little lieutenant, Porkins
being taught in a crap
being caught in a trap
telling your sister scrotums ain't zippers
that politics ain't beanbag
your dirty little lieutenant, Wiggins
getting your sister caught in a zipper
Pimp sues Nike for not labeling shoes "dangerous"
getting your labia majora caught in a zipper
getting your scrotum caught in a zipper
getting your beanbag caught in a zipper
telling your sister, you were righhhht
you were right to tell him
super dangerous
that's what I told him
that smoking cigarettes filled with orange peel is a super dangerous idea
having a dream in which Julian Assange is your math teacher and he asks you to teach the class about fractals while he steps out and smokes cigarettes filled with orange peel
Under Twelve Squirt Girls are Provincial Champs, Eh
Under Twelve Squirt Girls are Provincial Champs
there's many a black, black eye, they say, but none so bright as yours
Peta Soup
it stopping a bunghole
words at random to make new regrets
that it appears we've reached the point where we just combin words at random to make new regrets
bottoming for Satan Martini and Alexander Bunghole in Bustle Gorge VII
Satan Martini
Layla Scrotum
Alexander Bunghole
Juggalo
Alexander
FBI Douchebag
Randy California
being named Marky Hitler, apparently
Satan never flushes and there are always wet towels on the couch
I sing because I live with Satan
here's to my sweet Satan
FOUR, four martini lunches, ah ah ah hooooork
seeing your name appear twice on the amazing Regret Index in twenty four hours
free martini lunches
Katheryn of Berain
acting, luvvie
may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till he find it stopping a bunghole
your gorge rises at it
aye, there's the rub
having a bustle in your hedgerow
three martini lunches
dropping the sickest beats
short selling soup stock
buying soup stock instead of making it yourself
Marky Mark's new supergroup, Douchebags on the Planet
in response to the lawsuit, the FBI has retracted the gang classification, replacing it with "the dumbest fucking group of douchebags on the planet"
the two minutes where you think you like Hitler, surrounded by the five minutes where you're like "oh God, Eric Clapton, just stop already"
the five minutes where you're like "oh God, Eric Clapton, just stop already"
the two minutes where you think you like Layla, surrounded by the five minutes where you're like "oh God, Eric Clapton, just stop already"
srcotums will do that to you
I'm sorry, I was excited
that glaring typo
nailing your srcotum on the door of the Castle Church of Wittenberg
bottoming for Martin Luther in Funfundneunzig Feces
nailing your these on the door of the Castle Church of Wittenberg
that women's scrotums are far more attractive than men's
the scrotum is homologous to the labia majora in females, no homo
the scrotum is homologous to the labia majora in females orchestra hits
the scrotum is homologous to the labia majora in females
orchestra hits
entropy
something about Julian Assange being paid in kroner, I don't have the energy to work out the whole regret
WATCHING A BRITISH CRIME DRAMA PERFORMED IN ENGLISH BUT SET IN SCANDINAVIA IN WHICH YOU ARE TAKEN OUT OF THE ACTION EVERY TIME THE HARDBOILED COCKNEY GUMSHOE IS SUED IN ENGLAND
deadly Linux powered accuracy
With This New Rifle, Anyone Can Hit a Moving Target at five hundred Yards
the death of Vincent J Termine
Captain Licorice
fucking lawyers, how do they work
Insane Clown Posse sues FBI for labeling "Juggalo" fans a gang
Kento izakia Eiffel pinakuluen argazki bat marrazten Chris Lydon eta mortsa batek
zure birjintasuna galdu euskal lata langilea bati
losing your virginity to a Basque tinsmith
an exceptionally hairy anus, you probably do
Floorander
wondering if "I'LL SUE YOU IN ENGLAND" would work as a pickup line
wondering if "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life any more, help" would work as a pickup line
a pickup line
wondering if "you look a lot like my dead fiancee" would work as a pickup line
the vast rectangles of Ecuador
the vast rapefields of Ecuador
Julian Assange FROWNY FACE EMOTICON
the vast rapefields of Sweden
financial scalping
watching Roman Polanski walk out to rape a woman in a field of rape
scalping
some nice footage of geese
watching Kenneth Branagh walk out to find a woman in a field of rape
that whenever I'm not doing it you're doing it
we sure do talk about asses a lot
questioning whether your anus is hairiness
braiding your anal hair
and you may find yourself questioning your anus's is hairiness, letting the days go by, let the water hold me down, letting the days go by, water flowing underground, into the blue again after the money's gone, once in a lifetime, water flowing undergroun
guessing that if you find yourself questioning whether you have an exceptionally hairy anus, you probably do
wondering what exactly "exceptionally hairy" means
exceptionally hairy anus and no underpants
Denny Zager now builds custom guitars
in the year twenty five twenty five
nineteen ninety FOUR
feeling kind of burnt out after trying to push ahead to seventy thousand regrets two weeks ago and failing
completely forgetting the "queefing squid's milk at a PETA convention" convention queefing squid's milk at a PETA convention
completely forgetting the "queefing squid's milk at a PETA convention" convention
eating out no fur coat and no knickers, something something, Roman Polanski
so
nineteen ninety three
and so you quit the police department, and got yourself a steady job performing anilingus on a man or woman with an exceptionally hairy anus and no underpants
and so you quit the police department, and got yourself a steady job
performing anilingus on a man or woman with an exceptionally hairy anus and no underpants
performing cunnilingus on a woman with an exceptionally hairy vulva and no underpants
eating out all fur coat and no knickers
the walrus on poverty
the War on the War on Poverty
eating all fur coat and no knickers
being no fur coat and no knickers, thanks PETA
being all fur coat and no knickers
unintentional secondary meanings
dropping your knickers in a jiffy
getting your knickers in a twist
the war on poverty
Action Jackson C Frank, the movie that shot itself in the eye when you were a kid
the nineteen ninety three date being compelling
that there always seemed to be some vagueness about the timing of his being found by friends and the timing of his relocation, with the interim period being potentially two years or so
annealed iron
that if he was literally a "fifty year old man" then it had to be nineteen ninety three
slangshatting Jackson C Frank in the eye when you were a kid being slangshat
having seriously spent an afternoon trying to work out the exact date, or at least the year, in which Jackson C Frank was shot in the eye, but having had no luck
slangshatting Jackson C Frank in the eye when you were a kid
being slangshat
respecting the Buddhist and taming the Nietzschian
causing misunderstanding about Thai society and showing disrespect towards Buddhism
springtime for Jong un, and North Korea
One Night in Pyongyang
One Night in Bangkok
I'll be in my orifice
I'll be in my office
I'm sorry about the bug eye thing too
I don't really mean that, I'm just tired
you're weird
TUSK!!!!!!
NOT SAYING THAT YOU LOVE ME, AAAAAAEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
not telling me who's on the phone
not telling me what's going on
asking him who's on the phone
pesky old crow
searching it LEVEL NOW edukation
searching it DOWN IMMEDIATE kollege
searching it up IMMINENT skool
putting your finger in Myke Hawke
searching it up NEW skool
bottoming for Dennis Rodman in The King and VII
becoming a Pyongyang Truther
imagining a modern day take on The King and I starring Dennis Rodman
laughing a little too much about vegan butter fingers
I break all my bongs cuz I have vegan butter fingers
bottoming for Kim Bong un and Pothead Princess in Butter Fingers VII
that if Kim Jong un and Dennis Rodman were lesbians, they'd eat
Kim Bong un
I break all your arms cuz I have swan feathers
I break all my bongs cuz I have butter fingers
that if Kim Jong un and Dennis Rodman were lesbians, they'd be
moving into their second home together by now
boom, lesbian stereotypes
that if Kim Jong un and Dennis Rodman were lesbians, they'd be moving into their second home together by now
that we joke about gay celebrity pairings all the time here on the Regret Index, but you actually do suspect that Kim Jong un and Dennis Rodman have some sort of sexual relationship now
Jeni from Myc Hawc
gymslip dads
having never heard the expression "gymslip mums" before, cheerio
wondering why, if Google is so hip, the box that says "Whoa! Google Chrome has crashed Relaunch now" has Yes and Cancel as options rather than "No Shit, Sherlock" and "Go to hell, motherfucker"
Jeni from the Bloc
gurp gork
In June, Jennifer Lopez sang "Happy Birthday" to Turkmanistan
In June, Jennifer Lopez sang "Happy Birthday" to Turkmanistan President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow, whose regime was described as "one of the world's most repressive"
that scene in Wolf's Rain with the giant walrus
bottoming for twenty polar bears in Polar Vortex XIV
the twenty fourteen polar vortex
kneeing a boner contusion in the bathroom at church
gymslip swans
playing as Lickjob in GoldenEye
ice crapping snow honkies
jerking off Oddjob in GoldenEye
working as Oddjob in GoldenEye
playing as Oddjob in GoldenEye
Joseph Mortimer Granville
gymslip mums
if it wasn't for you addling eggs
if it wasn't for you meddling dogs
if it wasn't for you meddling kids
he would've gotten away with it, too
Elliot Spitzer getting caught sucking his girlfriend's toes by some little dog
Elliot Spitzer getting caught sucking his girlfriend's toes by some little kid
sneezing so hard you orgasm
coughing so hard you pee a little
kneading a boner infusion in the bathroom at church
needing a boner infusion in the bathroom at church
needing a boner infusion, stat
oh la la la it's the way that we rock when we doing our thing
TWO time
acting in the first result on a youtube search for Bad Gay Porn Acting Cops
one time
Fatso the Fat Arsed Wombat
watching the first result on a youtube search for Bad Gay Porn
Acting Cops
watching the first result on a youtube search for Bad Gay Porn Acting Cops
needing a kroner infusion, stat
watching a British crime porno performed in English but set in Scandinavia in which you are taken out of the action every time the hardcocked cockney gumshoe is paid in boner
finding out that your grandfather was in a Swedish newspaper one time
describing Scarlett Johanssen's breasts as "smaller than previously" in an email to her
describing Scarlett Johanssen's breasts as "motherly" in an email to her
describing a potential mate's breasts as "motherly" in an email to her
that when North was released Scarlett Johanssen was ten, and Bruce Willis was thirty nine, but today they could be cast as love interests in a movie together
describing a potential mate's breasts as "fluffy" in an email to her
watching Rob Reiner's North being more painful than slamming your dick in the car door
Twin Long Boards #Two
that if Ryan North ever had kidney stones he should name them Kim il Sung, Kim Jong il, and Kim Jong un in order, thus making full use of his bladder's North urea
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North slamming your dick in the car door
the hardboiled cockney gumshoe is paid in kroner
that if we were the same person it would explain a lot
V for Vacation not being a real comic book and or graphic novel
wondering if we're not the same person because I did that too
downloading a pdf of the Machine of Death book, but never getting around to reading it and finding out that a second volume was released about a year ago
that Kickstarters which Ryan North has been involved in have made over one million dollars combined
being 'Alive And Well'
buying multiple copies of the book "To Be or Not to Be" by the incredibly handsome New York Times bestselling author Ryan North
Kelsey Grammer Death Hoax Dismissed Since Actor Is 'Alive And Well'
the death of Kelsey Grammer
North Korea unveiling six Kentos
thinking wooo!pedia doesn't really count, as even you have a page there
drawing a picture of Dromiceiomimus being Eiffel Towered by TRex and Utahraptor
wooo!pedia
being actually kind of surprised that there isn't a Dinosaur Comics wiki, even though there's a Species wiki and they stopped making those like seven years ago
I don't know all the details, but I'm pretty sure that Kento is the six in the middle
imagining the sex act that "sixty nine thousand six hundred and sixty nine" would represent
setting the "but I'd rather be reading" filter of Dinosaur Comics to XKCD and instantly sucking all the joy and humor from the site
that sounds like a plan
thinking that we should write like a hundred or so Dinosaur Comics references then email Ryan to try and fix the site, so that maybe he will look at the recent regrets and think that we basically just talk about Dinosaur Comics here and not animal rape
classification baps
gender rolls
quivering alabaster mounds
Director Michael Bay slips up, slinks out of Samsung CES event bugging Angela Merkel's handie
naming your android "USBTwo"
Director Michael Bay forgets contact lenses, glasses, slinks out of Samsung Seniors event
buggering Angela Merkel's handie
naming your android "Data"
Director Michael Bay slips up, slinks out of Samsung CES event
bugging Angela Merkel's handie
Windows informing you that your device would function better on one of eight USBTwo slots it thinks it can see, even though the computer has six total and only four of them could possibly be USBTwo
German sland
imgur dot com slash kfntO
that "handie" is German sland for a cell phone
KFNTO
a large mass of cold building up over the North Pole and getting "flushed" south
imagining one of the least pleasurable sexual experiences to be getting a handie from a German woman
Kid With a Blog
wondering if Reddit has dental
wondering if it's worth joining Reddit
forgetting the name of a fictional businessman
John XX
parts of that nation's soul
Merkel fractures pelvis, two men suffer groin injuries in ski fall
being given the bored shoulder
drawing a picture of Kento being conceived by a baseball playing gorilla
Merkel fractures pelvis in ski fall
Steven Seagal considers running for Governor, Snapping Governor's Neck
Steven Seagal considers running for Governor
Dog With a Blog
If militarism is like the haunting Voldemort of Japan, the Yasukuni Shrine in Tokyo is a kind of horcrux, representing the darkest parts of that nation's soul
Harry Potter Villain Invoked in China Japan Feud Over Shrine
Mr Go
eating an entire microwave burrito in less than ten minutes
eating an entire Reese's Snowman in less than ten minutes
that we should just take the 'dex to Switzerland and smother it in a hospital
that it's either risk that or never have comments again
being slightly concerned that emailing Ryan and asking him to fix our seventy thousand regret list of swans beating Kento to death while old men and walruses sexually abuse him would mean the certain death of the 'dex
maybe someone should email Ryan and ask him
the 'dex may be bleeding to death in a cold unfeeling interstreet
Ryan may have been dicking around
we just don't know
What happened to all of the comments
fetus in feta
fetus in fetu
that I couldn't win
saw straight through me, stare started to unglue me, and I knew that I couldn't win
Olestra
Mark Hamill had it booked already
being kind of surprised the attempt isn't being made at the Rose Bowl
that on Friday, October thirty first, twenty fourteen, live at Caesar's Palace, Kento Daniel Ikeda will attempt to break the World Eiffel Tower Record by receiving the world's first OCTUPLE EIFFEL TOWER, taking more than twenty feet of cock in him at once
talking about Aer Lingus while performing cunnilingus
your eyes are lookin' out so far away
cunting the seconds
Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man
talking about pop muzik having sex with Riker
talking about pop muzik
having sex with Riker
talking about us
talking about wingus & dingus
talking about Aer Lingus
talking about cunnilingus while performing cunnilingus
talking about cunnilingus
Chick A "Wow, that Japanese man is very strong and good with his "sword", if you know what I mean" Chick B "I bet his name is "Kento", aye"
"I am not a fucking nice guy!"
Fuck, another Kento thread! "I'm a fat gay virgin and no one will fuck me because im ugly and I'm Kento," he wrote again
Embarrass, Minnesota, don'tcha know
having a lot of junk in your trunk
mixing salsa with caesar salad dressing
suicide doors
Malcolm Wheeler Nicholson
Going to Venus for some damn fine cherry pie
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by a car door
a Korean man prances around a variety of bizarre Korean settings riding an imaginary Korean horse and shouting a song that, except for the words "Eh, sexy lady," is entirely in Korean
the Home for Infinite Losers
Go to Uranus for the Best Fudge
China to open high speed rail link to North Korean border in twenty fifteen
having sex with Picard
Go to Jupiter for the Best French Fries
Foreskin
Femskin
Al Qaeda linked forces capture Fallujah
the Death Star II Jamboree
the Death Star Jamboree
the COMMONWEALTH OF NATIONS Bear Jamboree
the EMPIRE Bear Jamboree
the Death Bear Jamboree
the Country Bear Jamboree
the death of Phil Everly
Rachael Ray looking like the goddamn Batman
Rachael Ray looking like the Joker
having never thrown Up
having never watched Up
multiple videos of kids humping
multiple videos of dogs humping
watching a Youtube video of a man getting himself stuck in a giant balloon, and at the end getitng recommendations of multiple videos of dogs humping
wanting it pasteurized, 'cause pasteurized is best it's mostly walrus
wanting it pasteurized, 'cause pasteurized is best
it's mostly walrus
twenty one inches of Chris Lydon and a walrus in Boston
a worker at a suburban Philadelphia salt storage facility was thrilled when a hundred foot tall pile of road salt fell and crushed him
a worker at a suburban Philadelphia salt storage facility was killed when a hundred foot tall pile of road salt fell and crushed him
twenty one inches of swan in Boston
twenty one inches of snow in Boston
resigning in Jawaese on the seventh
North Carolina council member resigns in Jawaese
North Carolina council member resigns in Klingon
masturbating at that train wreck
escalating at that train wreck
reading that Hamtaro yaoi
staring at that train wreck
that last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day we both had horrific scars on our chests
that last year you gave Chris Lydon an erection for Christmas and he gave it right back to you
others in subsequent years
it all the time
having never returned a Christmas gift but seriously considered repurposing old gifts you never had much use for as gifts to others in subsequent years
having never returned a Christmas gift but apparently people do it all the time
being bitten by a weremoose, eh
being bitten by a weremu
failure to explode the moon
thinking that you would probably explode the mu'umu'u were it in your power to do so, because it would look cool
sorry, that was a failure
thinking that you would probably explode the muwere it in your power to do so, because it would look cool
thinking that you would probably explode the moon were it in your power to do so, because it would look cool
A federal judge in New York has ruled authorities can seize travellers' laptops at the border without citing a legal reason, suspecting the traveller of a crime, or explaining themselves in any way
I would also have accepted DEVELOPING MOON
MORBID OBESITY rates up to almost TWO TRILLION in developing SOLAR SYSTEM
Fleet Admiral Mills Starts Making Some Cheerios Without GMOs, cheerio
General Mills Starts Making Some Cheerios Without GMOs, cheerio
Obesity rates up to almost one TRILLION in developing world
Obesity rates up to almost one billion in developing world
actually just doing a bit, but on further consideration owning wondering how much it would cost to have Zach Braff come out every regret
actually just doing a bit, but on further consideration owning
wondering how much it would cost to have Zach Braff come out
every regret
wondering how much it would cost to have Zach Braff read out every regret
very few pairs of pants
actually just doing a bit, but on further consideration owning very few pairs of pants
or kilts
wearing a lot of mu'umu'u's
or maybe you rent all your clothes
wondering if you are a woman and have skirts and dresses and such, or if you are a man who just prefers shorts or something, or if you truly only own one article of clothing to cover your bottom half
owning one pair of pants but somehow not being able to remember to take your cell phone out of the pocket before you wash them
taking a shower WITH Myke Hawke
taking a shower with Myke Hawke
the Lick Suppository
the Lick Observatory
leaving your cell phone in your pocket when you wash your pants
Episode Three Yellow Revisions
saying fuck everything, you should be in pantomime next year
surviving for another year
We lost a wonderful man yesterday I'm blessed to be able to call James Avery a friend #Rip pal, heaven is lucky to have you
jetting down to the mall and picking up some chumpies
smugly floating through conversations with a talking monkey voiced by Zach Braff
begun the Hand Job War has
that in the year two thousand twenty one, the Kento Mark VII model hand job robot achieves sentience and a platoon of them proceeds to slaughter more than ten million people in a week in what is called by historians "The Eiffel Tower Massacre"
the Kento's Ass Fleshlight
Kaley Cuoco gets cake smashed on face during wedding reception
Indiana woman accused of cutting man's penis
the Kento's Mouth Fleshlight
holding a fleshlight in your mouth when your hands are occupied
holding a flashlight in your mouth when your hands are occupied that is entirely practical and normal
bottoming for Jamie in Jamie and the Magic Torch
holding a flashlight in your mouth when your hands are occupied
that is entirely practical and normal
holding a flashlight in your mouth when your hands are occupied but you need to see
wondering how Reginald VelJohnson is feeling right now taking the hugest dump in the bathroom at church
wondering how Reginald VelJohnson is feeling right now
taking the hugest dump in the bathroom at church
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a breast trope
slamming your shit in the car door
taking the hugest dump, what a piece of utter ass shit services
taking the hugest dump, what a piece of utter ass shit
services
products
needing a cash infusion, what a piece of utter ass shit
coming up young pianists
the December twenty thirteen Kin$ha$a attacks
Man stole brains, jacked off on eBay
Man stole brains, sold them on eBay
male TRIaphragms
at the hands of one of the trannie hookers therein
that if Spicy Cheetos were a town you would die a messy death
that if Spicy Cheetos were a town you would die a messy death at the hands of one of the trannie hookers therein
that if Doritos were a town you would die a messy death at the hands of one of the pimps therein
Italy's highest court has overturned the conviction of a sixty year old man for having sex with an eleven year old girl, because the verdict failed to take into account their "amorous relationship"
Addison Morris, owner of Rocky Mountain Mile High Tours, had ten clients waiting inside a limo who paid $two hundred and ninety five for three hours of chauffeuring by a "marijuana concierge" who would help them choose strains and edible pot products
James Avery dying on New Year's Eve, just like you want to
upcoming young pianists
the death of James Avery
the December twenty thirteen Kinshasa attacks
our years before two thousand
that it's twenty fourteen, it's shorter to both spell and pronounce and is in keeping with how we've always expressed our years before two thousand
springing fully formed from the brows of your parents after they had sex as animals
watching your parents have sex with animals
thinking that there's nothing inherently perverted in watching animals have sex unless you get sexual gratification out of it, but there's no good reason to "watch" your parents have sex
wondering what's more perverted, listening to your parents have sex or watching animals have sex
that this regret was written at precisely twelve midnight January first two thousand and fourteen central time
bleeding swans
bleeding shins
male diaphragms
Ron Swanson
Dorian Swanson
Dorian Samson
Unbeknownst to the children, a piano wire was strung shin high in their path and they fell into a yowling heap, some with bleeding shins
Madam Cradlebait
North Korea called Switzerland's refusal to sell it ski lifts a "serious human rights abuse"
Morelegs Sweetrick
rubbing one out in Kevin Bacon at home
they're not gonna want to carry all the victims in vampirually
the very idea that vampires capable of flight would construct a building with a zeppelin docking post on the top
the very idea of werewolves engaging in trade #TeamEdward
the Werewolf Trade Center
Madchen in Uniform
Ginetta Sagan Numenoreans
Carl Sagan Numenoreans
Christmas Overeating
the Vampire State Building
being wished a happy new year nine hours ago, desu ne
being wished a happy new year, cheerio
people love the taste of other people's genitals in their face
people like the taste of other people's genitals in their face
taking the hugest dump on New Year's Eve and missing the opportunity to make an out with the old, in with the new gesture because of your stupid hygienic behavior
sex, you're doing it wrong
people don't like the taste of their own genitals in their face
that as far as you're concerned if manners come into play during sex, you're doing it wrong
the New Year's Diarrhea that inevitably follows a week of Christmas Overeating
wondering what the proper manners are concerning kissing a woman immediately after going down on her, because you love afterglow cuddling as much as the next guy but maybe some people don't like the taste of their own genitals in their face
New Year's Anna
New Year's Steve
being born too late to call up Stan Laurel at home and say "thanks for the laughter, Stan Laurel"
Carl Carlson Numenoreans
Karl Urban Numenoreans
Urban Numenoreans
Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio, if you know what I mean
Your potential regret of wankers has already been added! It currently has a regret index of ZERO
Black Numenoreans
Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio
wondering who "they" are
that they say a wank is as good as a rest
waking up in the middle of the night and inadvertantly starting to play with yourself and before you know it you've missed out on like ninety minutes of sleeping time, crikey
waking up in the middle of the night and inadvertantly starting to play with yourself and before you know it you've missed out on like ninety minutes of sleeping time
watching New Year's Adam's balls drop
New Year's Adam
New Year's Eve
to seventy thousand, and beyond
the last you heard of Arab, he was stuck on a whale
being foiled when Bilbo's nephew Frodo got the hole
Ark "Boromir" Roose
Obi Wandalf
RTwo Gamgee
Frodo Darklighter
thinking that we've found a pretty easy way to get to seventy thousand if we feel like it
Biggs Baggins
Bilbo Solo
Mungo Fisto
Greedo Baggins
Berylla Boffin
Buul Balings
Mungo Baggins
Lobelia Sackville Baggins, nee Bracegirdle
Longo Baggins
the Sackville Bagginses
trying to think of a joke about Kento watching the balls drop on New Year's Eve
Fat gay Asians believe podcasts are reliable news outlet, poll reveals
Republicans believe YouTube comments are reliable news outlet, poll reveals
getting shivved by two dwarfs
not knowing where your antipathy toward Jude Law began, but still being pretty sure it is wholly justified for some reason
wondering what it is like to be better than Jude Law and then remembering that it is perfectly normal
getting shaved by two Jude Neutral Kender Argents
rolling up and smoking a Jude Neutral Kender Ardent
feeling up a Jude Neutral Kender Ardent
rolling up a Jude Neutral Kender Ardent
that's impossible, paladins have to be Jude Lawful
rolling up a Jude Neutral Kender Paladin
the endless struggle between Jude Law and Jude Chaos
Republicans' belief in evolution plummets, poll reveals
not really know what Jude Law disable
often thinking "Jude Law brought it on himself" but not really know what "it" refers to in that sentence
Gattaca
always thinking of Jude Law as subtly disabled, because of Gattaca
transableism
having started reading the "Christ" in "Christmas" with a long "i"
having an ugly duckling in your Christmas family photo
giving a walrus head in your Chrislydon family photo
having a horse's head in your Christmas family photo
having a camel toe in your Christmas family photo
getting down to stacks of panties
getting down to panty stacks
that's mannish workdwarfship
dwarven workdwarfship
that's dwarven workmanship
dwarves have a slumber party and talk about what elves they like
wondering if there is a scene in the new Hobbit movie where the dwarves have a slumber party and talk about what elves they like
Tolkien was really pretty
sietch tau orgies
Tolkien was really pretty fucking racist
Ahsoka Tano getting a Togruta yeast infection
Togruta yeast
agreeing to Topless Thursdays
screaming fishnet stockings
portland bras, texture like sun
portland bras
cromarty panties
fastnet stockings
fishnet stockings
crotchless panties
cupless bras
getting down to panties tacks
it's just another Mykehawke Monday, whoa oh oh
agreeing to Mykehawke Mondays
Jim 'Doris Day' Gray
Billy 'The Mexican' McFarland
I regret writing that
agreeing to Wetback Wednesdays
agreeing to Fatsack Fridays
agreeing to Sadsack Sundays
agreeing to Meatsack Mondays
Torula yeast
agreeing to Meatless Mondays
thinking it might be nice to be joined at the hip to another person
eating a tomato basil pizza burger from MorningStar farms
Chantilly lace, lace, baby
getting down to brass ducks
getting down to brass tacks
brassless straps
strapless bras
the duck from Mad Men with the huge tits
the chick from Mad Men with the huge tits
discovering that you haven't bricked your phone but it will only start without the SIM card in it, which is very annoying
having had bad experiences with big guys arriving to check your pipes
having had bad experiences with plumbers
pwning a phone for four days before bricking it
just thinking the absolute worst of phone store employees, because of numerous bad experiences with them
hating the idea of having to discuss a bricked phone with some guy at the phone store
owning a phone for four days before kissing it
owning a phone for four days before bricking it
you have to admit it's a pretty sweet tattoe
you have to admit it's a pretty sweet tatto
getting a mistlebutt tattoed on our toe
wondering if a conjoined twin could get a tattoo on a shared body part without the other's permission
getting a mistletoe tattooed on our butt cheek
getting a mistletoe tattooed on your butt cheek
getting a mistletoe tattooed on my butt cheek
twenty four hours
esoplasm
lactoplasm
ectoplasm
Phantom Penis
making your own vegan barbacoa
making your own barbacoa
making your own piccalli
glorious slow cooked meat
being given the cold water in Mexico
making your own ginger ale
using Morsebot to manage your contacts
fistsyncing your SmartHole to your EifTower account on lickster, then accumulating more than ten thousand Grunt!s in less than twenty four hours
frottaging your danglies to wrongy with fister for mobile
dumpling your scrandles to lickster with the whappo app
lickster being the hot new social networking site for twenty fourteen
getting a dump job from a trannie hooker in the lickster behind Steak n Shake
not really getting the whole appeal of piercings
dump jobs
not really getting the whole appeal of belly button piercings
that if Angelina Jolie had only had a single mastectomy, she'd have been the natural choice to play Wonder Woman
thinking that we've got the plot of Ghostbusters III pretty much down
Prevalence of Phantom Breast Pain and Sensation Among Postmastectomy Patients Suffering from Breast Cancer Colon A Prospective Study
drawing a picture of Angelina Jolie's phantom boobs covered with ectoplasm
wondering if Angelina Jolie has phantom boobs
bottoming for Liam Neeson in Star Wars Episode One Colon The Phantom Penis
that you can't but your balls swell up by a factor of ten
The Phantom Penis of the Opera
wondering if your penis is amputated whether you can have a phantom penis
Accessory breasts
supernumerary phantom limbs
prompting the United States to introduce code that prohibited bras with seams in the cups that chafe the sides of your breasts
wearing a bra on your head and making a digital model with over two hundred tri surfaces into a living, breathing three dimensional magical witch woman
wearing a bra with seams in the cups that chafe the sides of your breasts
prompting the United States to introduce code that prohibited wooden buildings from housing schools
consuming Hardee's stats
Angelina Jolie's Preventive Mastectomy Raised Breast Cancer Awareness, But Not Knowledge Colon Study
appearing to receive sexual gratification from consuming Hardee's products
being clove asOVER by a skillful stroke
needing a Hardee's product infusion, stat
being clove asunder by a skillful stroke
"You have to admit that it's a pretty ugly bag"
small boys in a raincoat, one standing on the other's shoulders
he is a man at all, and not either a woman in disguise or some sort of sexless, emasculated drone
being one hundred and fifty centimeters short
getting a pretty sweet tattoo on your six foot penis that reads "You have to admit that it's a pretty ugly bag"
You have to admit that it's a pretty ugly bag
some sort of sexless, emasculated drone
sexy body dementia
by about six feet
wanting to distance yourself from Ryan North eating six foot dicks
Ryan North eating six foot dicks
wanting to distance yourself from that
it's a pretty ugly bag
Kanye West gifts Kim Kardashian 'ugly' Hermes bag 'featuring nude women'
being one hundred and fifty centimeters tall
Ryan North being six foot dicks
with the intent to deceive
in the red cohrnaaah
weighing in at seventy five kilos
being one hundred and seventy centimetres tall
Ryan North being six foot six
that if a woman is under five two, you start questioning whether she is a woman at all, and not a mere slip of a girl, or worse, two small boys in a raincoat, one standing on the other's shoulders with the intent to deceive
that if a man is under five eight, you start questioning whether he is a man at all, and not either a woman in disguise or some sort of sexless, emasculated drone
limp Biz Kid$
thinking that if, say, a man would go on a blind date with a five foot one woman, he would really think nothing of it, but if a woman were to go on a blind date with a five foot seven man, she would be all like "he was SO short!" to her girlfriends
Biz Kid$
Lewy body dementia
China formally eases dickgirl policy, remains firm on cuntboy policy
thinking that short women are sexually attractive, but being aware that the previous regret was about Roman Polanski, and wanting to distance yourself from that
Roman Polanski formally eases one child policy
China formally eases one child policy
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon and a walrus arguing about whether the screws are the right kind of screws over a half finished fat gay Asian man
consuming Hardee's, stat
thinking that a five foot one woman is conspicuously short to a five foot seven man
your favorite naughty DeviantArt artist getting engaged to a drawing of a My Little Pony getting raped by Mario and Luigi on Christmas day
your favorite naughty DeviantArt artist getting engaged on Christmas day
thinking that a five foot seven man is conspicuously short to a greater degree than a five foot one woman
being seriously exhausted and having to stick to your nominal timezone tonight
KENTO IKEDA having been simultaneously entered repeatedly
KENTO IKEDA having been entered repeatedly
Christopher Lee is a distant relative of Christopher Cross
KENTO IKEDA having been entered
Christopher Lee is a distant relative of Christopher Lydon
Christopher Lee is a distant relative of Bruce Lee
Christopher Lee is a distant relative of Robert E Lee
that "IKEDA" and "KENTO IKEDA" have both been entered, so maybe the regret index has first rate cunt lapped itself
that if you're only three inches taller than a dwarf you could probably play one for a shaving video
that "IKEDA" and "KENTO IKEDA" have both been entered, so maybe the regret index has lapped itself
IKEA
drawing a picture of Carrie Fisher being Death Starred by a ten kilo block of cocaine
fast living
the plot of Star Wars Episode VII in which the rapidly shrinking and defeated Empire simply grows a new Death Star from the body of a great hero of the Rebel Alliance
drawing a picture of Carrie Fisher being Death Starred by years of fast living
eating an occasional fucking prick
Perfidious Albion, cheerio
Albionoria, eh
drawing a picture of Carrie Fisher being Death Starred by Peter Mayhew and David Prowse
the implication that people six foot one and over are giants
the implication that people five foot one and under are midgets
HFCS
you and me
into the sea
being shaved by Carrie Fisher and whoever you are
that you are shorter than Carrie Fisher but not nearly as wide
intending to make a joke about clowns but forgetting what it was going to be
"jokes"
being a fucking prick in a very narrow sense regarding a small number of not very funny or not at all funny jokes
being an occasional fucking prick
being glad that you grew up and stopped being a vegan fucking prick about things
being glad that you grew up and stopped being a fucking prick about things
getting the regret 'your "bisexual" phase' and thinking "I never had one of those" but then remembering you did, and you were a fucking prick about it as well
going to eat
intending to make a joke about clones but forgetting what it was going to eat
wondering that very thing
wondering if the regret "readin the entire Boton and Shaun archive" was deliberately written to mimic the speech of a profoundly deaf person, then wondering if you are an asshole for wondering that very thing
intending to make a joke about clones but forgetting what it was going to be
that apparently not only are you the same height as Temuera Morrison, you are both shorter than Mark Hamill, which probably physically hurts some Wookieepedians somewhere to think about
bottoming for Temuera Morrison in Kiwi Juice VII
juicing all those kiwis
having to give up kiwi juice because of the bromelin, she'll be right
having to give up kiwi juice because of the bromelin
bottoming for Yoda in Naked Green Machine VII
the only fruit juice you had on han was Naked Green Machine
programs that don't do anything but don't display any kind of meaningful progress indicators, time estimates or anything that would help you to know when the process has failed
wondering if you catch more flies with agave syrup than with honey
that you don't have any honey to compare the vinegar to, though, so maybe the old adage is still true
stangely enough, the mixture of vinegar and fruit juice is falling behind, but then the only fruit juice you had on han was Naked Green Machine, and maybe the spirulina or garlic is a deterrent
wondering what vermouth vinegar is like
followed by a mixture of vinegar and sugar
building a better fly trap
right now, in your fruit fly trapping trials, vermouth seems to be in the lead
that, actually, you can trap a lot of flies with vinegar
anything
that every time you try to install Chrome on your cellphone it just loops back to the page you came from and doesn't install anything
not chewing those black olives thoroughly enough and they pass through your system basically unchanged
people on the internet that are only turned on
Japanese teenagers
people on the internet that are only turned on by cartoons of Japanese teenagers
being kind of happy that, over the course of one afternoon, you have moved from first to second on the "People Who Have Written the Greatest Number of Dumbass Regrets" list
in truth it was a fate worse than death
how it terrified them
the youngest prince married the princess, and got the horse with the golden shoes and half the kingdom from his father, who kept for himself so long as he lived the bird Grip, which now sang with all its heart to the king and all his court
then the princess told the king how treacherously his eldest sons had acted, and he had them banished from his kingdom by throwing them to his guard swans
then the darkness cleared away from the king's eyes, and the more the bird sang the more clearly did he see, till at last in the strange horse shoer he recognised his youngest son
it was decided to risk doing so, and the horse shoer was led into the king's chamber, where he had no sooner called the bird by its name than it began to sing and the princess to smile, because of her Stockholm syndrome
she was weeping at that particular moment because she had been Eiffel Towered by a blind king and a swan
the king's men now took counsel whether they ought to take the stranger in before the king, for in his chamber sat the bird Grip along with the weeping princess
he himself knew so much about the bird's ways that if he only got to see it he could tell at once what it lacked
it certainly sounds like a swan
the horse shoer then said that he knew the bird very well, he had seen it when it sat in its cage in another king's palace, and if it did not sing now it must be because it did not have all that it wanted
we can still pretend that it is
it could be, it just isn't
it's probably worth mentioning that it isn't really a swan in the story
after this the king's men began to talk about the bird Grip, and how strange it was that he would not sing, however well he was attended to
while the prince lifted up his hoofs, one after the other, and showed the king's men the famous golden shoes
the prince asked to see the horse, and as soon as he entered the stable the steed began to neigh in a friendly fashion, and stood as quiet and still as a lamb
the king's men told him that a horse shoer was indeed wanted at the palace, but he must be one who could lift up the feet of the horse with the golden shoes, and such a one they had not yet been able to find
as prince of the palace, he couldn't just walk in and denounce his brothers for their obvious lies
with this they parted, and the prince, disguising himself as a horse shoer, went up to his father's palace and offered his services there
'I am the dead man who lay unburied in the robber's inn, where you ransomed me and gave me honourable burial, and therefore I have helped you in your journey'
'Kidding,' said the youth, 'Thanks,' said he, 'for this service, which has freed me from a spell that not even death itself could loosen'
'Where is my fox' asked the youth
then at last the prince drew his good sword and cut off the fox's head, and the next moment a youth stood before him
if the prince would not cut off his head, then he must kill the prince himself
at this the fox became very sorrowful, and declared that the prince's refusal to grant his request now compelled him to do a deed which he was very unwilling to do
the prince was astonished, and said that he could not bring himself to cut the head off his truest friend, and to this he stuck in spite of all the fox's declarations that it was the greatest service he could do him
'I have only one thing to ask of you,' said the fox, 'and that is, that you should cut off my head with your sword, so I no longer have to deal with your idiocy'
any service that was in his power
unbuttoning his trousers the prince replied that he would do him
the prince thanked the fox with all his heart for his true friendship, but the fox answered that if he had been of any use to him he would now for his own part ask a service of him
then he took the prince up out of the lion's den and gave him directions what to do now so as to come by his rights again
he only said that sons who could so forget their father and disgrace their royal birth as those had done would not hesitate to betray their brother either, chuckling to himself
nor was the fox angry with him for having forgot his last warning
when the youngest prince was thrown down into the lions' den he found the fox sitting there, and the lions, instead of tearing him to pieces, showed him the greatest friendliness
no one dared to venture so close to the horse as to have a look at his golden shoes
the princess wept night and day
the king sorrowed bitterly over this, because the youngest prince was his dearest son, as he reminded the other two, and the joy of the treasures soon died away, for the bird Grip would not sing so that the king might recover his sight
when the king inquired after the youngest brother they answered that he had led such a life in the inn that he had been hanged for debt
when they arrived at their father's palace there was great rejoicing, and everyone praised the two princes for their courage and bravery
the princess wept bitterly, as you might expect with things going from bad to worse for her, but they told her that it would cost her her life if she did not say that the two brothers had won all the treasures
then they set the princess on horseback, took the bird Grip with only minor injuries, and rode homeward
after they had agree on how to carry out their treachery they enticed the prince to a den of lions as you do and threw him down among them
they planned how to bring him to destruction, and then take the bird Grip, Eiffel Tower the princess, and the horse with the golden shoes, and convey them to their blind father, and then stab each other shouting 'There can be only one!'
at first the brothers were grateful for their liberty, but when they saw the youngest brother's treasures they became jealous of his good fortune
as he had sufficient money with him, he paid their debts, and so ransomed their lives
the prince knew that it was his two brothers who had thus forfeited their lives and it cut him to the heart to think that two princes should suffer such a shameful death
as no one could be found to ransom their lives they were about to be hanged according to the law
he asked the reason of this, and was told that two princes were to be hanged that day for debt, they had spent all their money in feasting and playing, and were now deeply in debt to the host
when the prince came nearer he saw two gallows erected, and when he entered the inn along with the princess he saw that all the rooms were hung with black, and that everything inside forboded sorrow and death
now no merry song or noise of mirth was heard from it
they soon arrived at the inn where the two eldest brothers had stayed, forgetting their errand
the prince thanked the fox for all his help, promised to give heed to his warning, said farewell to him, and rode on, with the princess by his side and the bird Grip on his wrist
'You have now got all that your heart desired, and you will have a prosperous journey to your father's palace if only you do not ransom anyone's life with money', the fox continued, wearily shaking his head and rolling his eyes
'Here our ways part,' said the fox
kidnap victims often try to ingratiate themselves with their abductors
the prince and princess travelled on together with mirth and happiness, and the fox followed them until they came to the forest where the prince first met with him
it really does say owned there
he was now full of joy, for his blind father, whom he finally remembered, would now recover his sight, while he himself owned the world's most beautiful princess and the horse with the golden shoes
these he got, and with them he was successful in carrying off the bird
he never questioned for a moment where the fox was even keeping these grains of gold, let alone where he was getting them from
when they came near to the castle where the bird Grip sat in his cage hissing and lunging at anyone who came near he again asked the fox for three grains of gold
he got the grains of gold and entered the castle, where he carried off the princess who had no agency of her own, set her on the beautiful stolen horse, and held on his way singing 'Affluenza, Affluenza'
the prince was quite ready, and promised to keep better command of himself this time, and not kiss her, and fingers were right out
the fox muttered something to himself and then agreed that this would be excellent, if the prince would now go and carry her off he would give him three grains of gold for that purpose
as they went on together the prince said that he could not forget the beautiful princess, and asked the fox whether he did not think that she ought to ride home to his father's palace on this horse with the golden shoes
'I know that, stupid,' said the fox, 'for it was I who struck you over the arm, and I was aiming for your head'
the fox was waiting for him outside the castle, and the prince confessed to him that he had very nearly given way to temptation this time as well
this recalled to him his promise and his danger, so he led out the horse without looking at the golden saddle again
just as he stretched out his hand to take it he received from some invisible being so hard a blow on the arm that it was made quite numb
he threw the grains of gold in the proper places, and untied the horse, but with that he caught sight of the golden saddle, and thought that none but it could suit so beautiful a horse, especially as it had golden shoes
the fox raise an eyebrow and sighed heavily, but said nothing
the prince promised to be firm this time
the fox told him that above the horse's stall hung a beautiful golden saddle, which he must not touch, if he did not want to bring himself into new troubles worse than those he had escaped from, for then the fox could help him no longer
when they reached the end of it the prince for the third time received three grains of gold from the fox, with directions to throw one into the guard chamber, another into the stable, and the third into the horse's stall, no funny business
when he had gone a little way from the castle he met the fox, and they continued on their journey together
to this also the prince said 'Yes', politely ignoring the ease with which a golden shoed horse could be obtained by other means
when the king learned this he said he would forgive his offence if he would go to the next kingdom and steal the horse with the four golden shoes
the judge made a Halo reference, but nobody got it
the prince willingly agreed to this, and admitted to the judge that he had meant to steal the princess, and that he was a master thief
here the fox again came to him and reproached him with his disobedience, but promised to help him out of this trouble also for some analingus if he would answer 'yes' to everything they asked him at his trial
then both she and all the others in the castle woke, the prince was taken prisoner, and put into a strong dungeon
it says beauty, and kissed, honest
the prince went into the castle, and did with the grains of gold as the fox had told him, so that sleep fell upon everyone there, but when he had taken the princess into his arms he forgot the fox's warning, at the sight of her beauty, and kissed her
at the same time he strictly warned him not to kiss the princess
one to throw into the guard room, another into the princess's chamber, if you know what I mean, and the third into her bed
when he left the castle he met the fox, who went along with him to the next kingdom, and when they came near the castle there, gave him three grains of gold
to this also the prince said 'Yes'
when the king heard that he admitted to being a master thief, he said that he would forgive him the attempt to steal the bird if he would go to the next kingdom and carry off the world's most beautiful princess, and bring her to him
the prince faithfully followed his instructions, so that when the judge asked him whether he had meant to steal the bird Grip he said 'Yes,' and when the judge asked him if he was a master thief he again answered 'Yes'
then the fox said that he had come to assist him, but he could do no more than advise the prince, when he was brought up for trial, to answer 'yes' to all the judge's questions, and everything would go well
the fox said he could pay with his hairy checkbook
the prince was very pleased to see it again, and received with great meekness all its reproaches, as well as promised to be more obedient in future, if the fox would only help him out of his fix
as he now sat in his prison, and bitterly lamented that his own disobedience had brought himself into trouble, and deprived his father of the chance of recovering his sight, the fox suddenly stood in front of him again
at this the whole castle woke up, and the prince was taken prisoner
when the prince got the beautiful bird into his hand he could not resist the temptation to stroke it, if you know what I mean, whereupon it awoke and began to scream and gouge
the same thing happened with those who kept watch in the room beside the bird Grip, and when he threw the third grain into its cage the bird also fell asleep
when he came to the guard room of the castle he threw one of the grains in there, and the guards at once fell asleep
the prince took the grains of gold, and promised to follow the fox's directions faithfully
he could then take the bird, but he must beware of stroking it, otherwise it would go ill with him because the bird was a swan
then the fox gave the prince three grains of gold, one of which he was to throw into the guard room, another into the room where the bird Grip sat, and the third into its cage
when they had traversed the forest together they saw the castle at some distance
the prince thought that this was a good offer, especially as the fox was ready to go with him and show him the way to the castle, where the bird Grip sat in his cage, and so he promised to obey the fox's instructions
'Fuck me, a talking fox!' answered the prince
'You are right in that,' said the fox, 'for it relates to the bird Grip, which you want to take and bring home to your blind father, I could help you in this, but in that case you must follow my counsel'
the prince answered that his errand was too important to be confided to everyone that he met
as he now rode all alone through a forest there met him a fox, who greeted him in a friendly fashion, and asked him where he was going, and on what errand he was bent
he promised to do so, and they succeeded in getting away from the inn, and rode on until they came to another far away from it, where the prince got a good place for the girl before proceeding on his journey
as she herself was a prisoner there, she would help him to escape if he would take her along with him
she replied that the attempt to do so might cost her her own life, as the key of the stable in which the prince's horse stood lay under the host's pillow
the prince, however, felt that his life was not safe in this murderer's den, and asked the maid to help him to escape that night
he then summoned the host, gave him a large sum for his own life, and paid the dead man's debt as well, besides paying him for burying the body, which the murderer now promised to attend to
he understood then that the host meant to ask him by this what kind of death he preferred to die, unless he was willing to ransom his life with his money
when she had said this she lifted the cover off one of the dishes, and the prince saw that there lay on it a knife and an axe
the host further refused to bury the dead man, as he had left nothing to pay the expenses of the funeral, and every night he went and scourged the dead body of his victim
it was a dead man, whose life the host had taken because he could not pay for the meals he had had in the inn
the girl answered that these shrieks were heard every night, but it was no living being who uttered them
he sprang up from the table and asked the girl what those cries were, and whether he had fallen into a den of robbers
it was now dark, and while the girl was laying the cloth and setting down the dishes, and the prince had begun to appease his hunger, he heard the most piteous shrieks and cries from the next room
here he was received in a very friendly manner by the host, who put his horse into the stable, and led the prince himself into the guest chamber, where he ordered a maid servant to lay the cloth and set down the supper
when he had ridden a long way, and it began to grow dark, he came to a house which lay deep in the forest
he then said farewell to his brothers, and rode on to find another inn in which to pass the night
he answered that now, when he had found them, his next task was to get the bird Grip, for which his blind father was longing, and so he had not a single hour to spare with them in the inn
he also turned into the same inn as his brothers, and when these saw him they assailed him with many entreaties to remain with them and share their merry life
this prince also was fitted out in the finest manner, like his brothers, and so rode away
the king was unwilling to risk his third son on such an errand, but he begged so long that his father had at last to consent
he was quite certain that he would succeed in this
the youngest now came to him, and offered to go in search of his brothers and to bring the bird Grip
when the king noticed that neither of his sons returned, although a long time had passed since the second one set out, he was greatly distressed, for not only had he lost all hope of getting back his sight, but he had also lost his two eldest sons
when the prince came to the inn and found his brother among his merry companions, he also remained there and forgot both the bird Grip and his blind father
the king granted his request, and fitted him out in the finest fashion
meanwhile the king waited with both hope and anxiety for his son's return, but as time went on and nothing was heard of him, the second prince asked leave to go in search of his brother, as well as to bring the bird Grip
this joyous life pleased the prince so well that he stayed in the inn, took part in the playing and drinking, and forgot both his blind father and the bird Grip
when the prince had ridden some distance he came to an inn, in which there were many guests, all of whom were merry, and drank and sang and played at dice
the blind king was greatly rejoiced at his son's resolve, fitted him out in the best way he could, and let him go
when the king's eldest son heard this he offered to bring the bird Grip, which was kept in a cage by a king in another country, and carefully guarded as his greatest treasure
his song would open the King's eyes
at last there came to the palace an old woman, who told him that in the whole world there was only one thing that could give him back his sight, and that was to get the bird Grip
it happened once that a king, who had a great kingdom and three sons, became blind, and no human skill or art could restore to him his sight
WBUR Eiffel Romance
WBUR Erotic Romance
all these classic out of copyright titles you're downloading
BDSM Erotic Romance
pushing Snooki's colon off the toilet
Snooki's baby, Dooki
drawing a picture of Snooki and JWoww braiding their colons together
pushing Snooki's colon on the toilet
toxoplasmosis
birthing the hugest toilet baby
Snookis Pregnancy Advice to Jenni Farley JWoww Colon 'No Pushing on the Toilet'
fisting Kevin Bacon in the bathroom at church
misplacing your virginity and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably on a mildewy towel
The Billionaire's Bet #One Colon A Seductive Deal
Fartacus Colon The Farting Dragon
Twin Long Colons #Two
Entwined Colon Jane in the Jungle Colon Erotica Adventures of Jane in the Jungle Series, Book One
The Tycoon's Revenge Baby For the Billionaire Book One
wondering if Amazon is secretly charging you a dollar a throw for all these classic out of copyright titles you're downloading
Poll Colon This Is The Worst Congress Ever
the story of how a little bird endures the abuses and miseries as he was growing up not realizing he would mature into a beautiful swan
they're your kidneys
making garlic mashed potatoes using garlic salt and not roasted garlic
Scotland's Future Colon Your Guide to an Independent Scotland A BDSM Erotic Romance
down in some bar along the Seine
I believe that this nation should commit itself
being in two minds about downloading Rough and Reluctant Erotica Colon Five Rough Sex Erotica Stories, as you're not really committed to Rough Sex Monday, it's just something you find amusing
that we have nothing to fear but fear itself
Scotland's Future Colon Your Guide to an Independent Scotland
Love In Bloom Colon Twin Long Rods #Two
The Winter Witch and the Krampus Colon A Christmas Tale
Forever His Colon A Time Travel Romance
that apparently Cinderella Heiresses is a genre of fiction
Love In Bloom Colon Snow Sisters #One
getting a Kindle and finding it magical and frightening
that you got a threeDS for Christmas, so maybe you'll finally get around to playing Black and White and maybe eventually X and Y
The Billionaire's Son Five Colon Sweet Escape
Flown By The Billionaire Colon Captivated
that apparently NPR Host Erotica is a genre of fiction
Cloysters Cross
that apparently Billionaire Erotica is a genre of fiction
The Billionaire's Son A BDSM Erotic Romance
MAID in the USA The BAD BOY BILLIONAIRES Series
Christopher Lydon
Christopher Cross
Cloisters Cross
never feeling comfortable about being attracted to celebrities
drinking womb beer because you don't, want to wait for it to gestate in the fridge
drinking warm beer because you don't want to wait for it to cool in the fridge
that Danielle Fishel seems to have had a mostly stable childhood and problem free young adulthood, which makes you feel less guilty about masturbating to her so many times
being pressured to join a clique called the Flamingos, by completing a series of dares
eating a huge slice of walrus meringue pie
learning that NINETY TWO! books were written about the Full House Universe
having dreams about being pussy
killing that boy with Myke Hawke
having dreams about eating pussy
Okichitaw
killing that boy with a tomahawk
Bell's palsy
the books are generally considered canon, but take place in a separate continuity or fictional universe known to fans as the Book Universe
Presidential candidate Roseanne Barr
drying yourself after needing a cash infusion on the bus
needing a mildewy towel infusion, stat
walrus too large
webpage too large
that Guam you like is going to come back in style
having mobile connectivity problems with the amazing Regret Index on your cellphone
that lip you like is going to come back in style
opening a Gum U Like franchise
that gum you like is going to come back in style
Eliot Spitzer, FYI
kissing that boy with TWO mohawks, if you know what I mean
kissing that boy who was frozen in carbonite
thrilling that dog with TWO Myke Hawkes
killing that boy with a mohawk
the Log Lady
kissing that boy when you had a mohawk
kissing that boy who had a mohawk
kissing that boy with TWO mohawks
stew
hot ham water
kissing that boy with a mohawk
creme soda
cream soda
Eliot Sptizer, the Human Yeast Infection
Foxy Boxing Day, phwoar, cheerio
Eliot Swallowzer
leggy de Blasio aide Lis Smith getting a yeast infection for Christmas
Christmas!
leggy de Blasio aide Lis Smith
getting a yeast infection for Christmas
getting a yeast infection on Christmas
Boxing Day, cheerio
wondering if there are walrus selkies
Ealing Bad, cheerio
Eeling Bad being the worst Tanks for Nothing spinoff
feeling bad watching Full House knowing that Candace Cameron's brother would go on to become a cult leader
eeling bad watching Full House knowing that Mary Kate and Ashley Olson would go on to become anorexic crack addicts
feeling bad watching Full House knowing that Jodie Sweetin would go on to become a meth whore
wondering what it's like to work at, say, the dumpster behind a Steak n Shake on Christmas night, and having to bear witness to the parade of white trash families, homeless people, loners, and other the pathetic folks who have to work on Christmas night
getting a pathetic othering from a McDonald's employee on Christmas night
Gaydalf
having to other folks pathetically
#ChristopherLydon
having sex with Han Solo's rear
wondering what it's like to work at, say, a McDonald's on Christmas night, and having to bear witness to the parade of white trash families, homeless people, loners, and other the pathetic folks who have to work on Christmas night
fecundity
having sex with Han Solo's ear
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMerry Christmas!
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWMMMMM
that it's thirty to three, cheerio
getting earmuffs made in Han Solo
getting earmuffs made from Han Solo
that every time a bell rings, an angel Eiffel Towers Kento with a walrus
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan off and then he deleted them all out of shame
babbling
getting Kim Han sol earmuffs
getting "Han Solo earmuffs", if you know what I mean
getting earmuffs featuring Han Solo
getting earmuffs for Han Solo
getting Han Solo earmuffs
that he'll never wear galoshes, or a hat upon his furry dome
that thirty to three is the same as ten to one, so it's really earlier than you think
that it's thirty to three
that it's half past two
sidereal veal
sidereal sins
venereal sins
venial sins
gluttony
envy
lust
pride
sloth
greed
wrath
frying boot but not eating it out of laziness
burying fruit but not eating it out of laziness
buying fruit but not eating it out of laziness
basically I can sleep or I can get us to seventy thousand
Nabooian nerve knockers
eating shuura on Life Day eve this year and suspecting it will become a yearly tradition
the death of Sylvia Browne fisting Kevin Bacon at home
Gary Knell has caught more crabs than Gordon Freeman
Do What the Fuck You Want to Pubic License
bedtime, definitely bedtime, yeah, definitely
minute vegans
not being sure whether to applaud or deride chicken fried steak
top blade steak
cube steak
vegan minute vegan otter steak
vegan minute otter steak
minute otter steak
minute otters
the best otter you'll get this minute
the best offer you'll get this minuet
the best offer you'll get this minute
confusing hours with minutes and making a fool of yourself
the best offer you'll get this hour
there's room for one more
having to get up and be sociable and so needing to go to bed in order to do that
Do What the Fuck You Want to Public License
Beerware
how alarmed the Grinch's cardiologist must have been
thinking of Ganryu as your Tekken Asian friend
crudites
cuties
not eating out a role model
not eating a role model
not being a role model
thinking of a lion as your token Aslan friend
not having seen the new Hobbit movies at all but expecting them to be more about dwarf tossing than Hobbit porking
wondering how much Hobbit porking there is in the new movie
eating pizza on Christmas Eve this year and suspecting it will become a yearly tradition
thinking of Kentorc as your Tolkien Asian friend
that we sure can
wondering if we can write eleven hundred regrets in a week
rubbing one in on the grassy knoll
rubbing one out on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain, sitting on a throne of blood
rubbing one out on the grassy knoll
Masturbation with Crack Whores
setting up a Warren Commission style inquiry to determine how many shots to the eye Jackson C Frank took
Masturbation with Cracked Fingers
Snake Fight Fister
Fantasy Mission Force
Snake Fist Fighter
Master with Cracked Fingers
sending a pic of yourself killing your junk to your grandmother on Christmas Eve
Cracks aka Crack Master
sending a pic of yourself kissing your junk to your grandmother on Christmas Eve
sending a pic of yourself thrilling your junk to your grandmother on Christmas Eve
sending a pic of yourself holding your junk to your grandmother
on Christmas Eve
sending a pic of your grandmother holding your junk to yourself on Christmas Eve
sending a pic of yourself holding your junk to your grandmother on Christmas Eve
uncertain incomes
that homeless people still have possessions and minute if uncertain incomes
Michele Norris has taken more shots to the eye than Jackson C Frank
midgets
wondering how male hobos without beards shave
la chanson des mitraillettes
The Greasy Chip Butty Song
the death of Lord Infamous
eating at Straight Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago on Christmas Eve then spending Christmas Day riding the Asshole Fountain
Mrs Cratchit being l lO% behind eating out on Christmas day
seeing What to Expect When You're Expecting on sale and first wondering what a porn parody was doing in with the romantic comedies, then what the hell you were thinking
Researchers Say Tree Nuts Are Okay for Pregnant Women
eating at See Thru Chinese Kitchen in Chicago on Christmas Eve then spending Christmas Day riding the Asshole Fountain
being l lO% behind eating out on Christmas day
being lOO% behind eating out on Christmas day
having a bread lined martini
Cryptolocker
sounds like its time to whip up a batch of matzo martinis
strong, competent metamorphic rock
rooting a cat with a sensitive tail
finding out that you're Jewish on your mother's side despite her having been raised Catholic, then hearing her say she's sick of doing Christmas dinners and wants to go out for Chinese next year
having a cat with a sensitive tail root
the Manhattan schist
TRUCKSTOP BUTTERFLY
cockcases
having churros for breakfast
finding out what the special ingredient in Chris Lydon's sperm nog is
is
finding out what the special ingredient in Chris Lydon's egg nog is
Deadman's Dike
nutcases
being sorry for everything you've ever done, everybody, everything you'll ever do, everybody, every place you've ever been, everybody, every place you're going to, everybody, it's a sin, everybody
wondering if Hanukkah is less of a pain to organise but realising switching to another winter celebration would simply leave you organising two winter celebrations, and not really being into ceremony that much anyway
today sir why it's Christmas day, cheerio
people refusing to take an hour to visit the doctor regarding that damn cough they've had for three weeks and consequently coughing all over everything, which you already know will lead to you developing the same cough on Christmas day
your family reaching a particularly annoying peak of ill communicated intentions this year
liking this time of year but loathing the endless preparations and being ambivalent about the actual days of celebration with your family
medical stylists
doing some damn twists and some damn stretches and some damn crunches for five damn minutes every other damn night and not worrying about it so damn much dammit
the harpist Tom Moth
really hating this time of year
being sorry for everything you've ever done, everybody
trying to think of a non suicidal sounding way to phase "sorry for everything I've ever done, everybody"
that doctors' offices and hair stylists don't take appointment scheduling at two in the morning when you need it the most
like a sack of flour on top of another sack of flour
like a potato on chopsticks
eating bored
running out of NPR people before you could claim one of them got more dome than Greenwich
eating boned
being boned
winking like a chimp
winking like a champ
wanking like a chimp
toying with your person
playing with youself
receiving a warranty orally
checking the header image mouseover text to see if it said "I'LL SUE YOU IN ENGLAND", but it didn't
Ray Suarez has spread more legs than a nest of millipedes
Ken Rudin has wrecked more bitches than Cruella de Vil
ocean acidification
Daniel Schorr taken more strap ons than a lesbian riot in the red light district
Bob Edwards has emptied his sack more times than Santa
Scott Simon has milked more cocks than a farmer on LSD
Liane Hansen has closed more airtight seals than NASA
Paula Poundstone has performed more lewd acts on underaged girls than Roman Polanski
Tom Bodett has gotten more homeless whores than a Motel Six
Carl Kasell has been inside more Asians than bird flu
the head of Sam Elliot
Juan Williams has more bitches ready to go than the Master of Foxhounds
Neal Conan has given more mustache rides than a centaur with the head of Sam Elliot
Madeleine Brand has been finger banged more times than a blind carpenter
Alex Chadwick has done more reaming than International Paper
Marian McPartland has stroked more pussy than Ernst Stavro Blofeld
someone there must have heard that recording of him going down that slide and made him an offer
wondering when Kento got his own show on NPR
Still defiant, members of Russia's Pussy Riot band go free
Kento Ikeda has eaten more in an Eiffel Tower than Guy de Maupassant
Alix Spiegel has stroked more cock than Colonel Sanders's masseuse
Rick and Morty
Alison Stewart has operated on more virgins than a rabbi
Doualy Xaykaothao has gotten more yoni than all of Etsy
okay, stop right there, starfish wasting disease is no laughing matter
Ken Rudin has seen more heavy loads than a truck stop bathroom
Michel Martin has wrecked more starfish than starfish wasting disease
Bob Mondello has fucked more stars than cocaine
John Ydstie has canned more tuna than StarKist
Sarah Vowell has gobbled more carpet than a broken vacuum cleaner
Garrison Keillor has been bent over more times than a seven foot kindergarten teacher
Maria Hinojosa pulls more rings than Pepsi
Renee Montagne eats more peaches than The Presidents of the United States of America
Ophira Eisenberg has banged more black guys than George Zimmerman in his wet dreams
Bill Littlefield has had his hand in more asses than a workaholic kleptomaniac proctologist
the captain of HMS EThirtyFive preferred the crew to wait to relieve themselves until the submarine surfaced at night
Tom Ashbrook has gotten more critical hits than Tim Duncan wielding a keen RAPIEST
Margot Adler gets more head than passengers on a cruise ship with a dysentry epidemic
Tom Ashbrook has gotten more critical hits than Tim Duncan wielding a keen rapier
Terry Gross has had two men on her more times than LeBron James, no homo
Terry Gross has had two men on her more times than LeBron James
Rolf Harris, crikey
Dee Dee Bridgewater has catalogued more black holes than John Louis Emil Dreyer
forgetting which box is the search box
bridgewater
seeing what it is
Rolf Harris
wondering which we'll run out of first, NPR hosts or sex euphemisms
Bob Boilen has made more guys bust a nut than Tchaikovsky
Sylvia Poggioli has taken more rimshots than the NBA
Diane Rehm has served more black guys than Martin Luther King Jr
Tom and Ray Magliozzi have Eiffel Towered more fat gay asians than Chris Lydon and a walrus
wrapping presents with sex tape
Fiona Ritchie has gone down more times than the Washington Generals
it's like he's got extra vertebrae in his neck
Craig Windham has done more reaching around than a blind octopus in a maze
Ari Shapiro being disturbing to look at
Nina Totenberg has had more dick in her than the Nixon Library
Ari Shapiro has started more circlejerks than a political party conference
playing goalkeeper
Protesters armed with knives and sticks have stormed the building of Libya's largest internet provider demanding that the Regret Index comments be reinstated
Protesters armed with knives and sticks have stormed the building of Libya's largest internet provider
Peter Sagal had more balls in his face than Christopher Reeve playing goalkeeper
Brooke Gladstone has fingered more guys than Mark Felt
Robert Siegel has pounded more poles than the Wehrmacht in nineteen thirty nine
Chicken feet on "hot sale" in the Dandong branch of Tesco
Apollo Theatre collapse fire crews set to be axed
coming home to find The Lion King on TV, a box of tissues next to the couch and your cat, glaring at you
the way that your cat will step outside in the morning, look at the crappy weather, glare at you as though it were your fault, then come back in
having a fisting crush on Alex Dainis
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Edward Snowden and Chelsea Manning
receiving a snapchat of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
Tila Tequila uses final minutes of fame to promote 'very hardcore' sex tape
someone sending you a snapchat from a party you weren't invited to
nicknaming your asshole "Encyclopedia Brown"
Attackswan Jackson
nicknaming your asshole "Sylvia Browne"
that TaBB is still up, and it's been pretty bad at times and and and Ryan wouldn't delete us, would he
thinking that if Ryan comes here to check on the comments, he might take a look at what we've done and shut it down
getting a lick job from a mountie hooker in the dumpster behind Poutine n Shake, eh
Canada prostitution laws struck down
PR director tweets racist AIDS remark on way to Africa
Neanderthals 'could speak like us'
astronauts start urgent pump repair
wondering if anyone's ever going to ask Ryan why the comments don't work or if it will be like this indefinitely
I've really gotta get up now
I've really gotta go to bed now
Audie Cornish has laid more pipe than a plumbers' union
Ketzel Levine has handled more huge erections than Tishman Realty & Construction
Melissa Block has munched more gash than a horde of zombies
Guy Raz has taken more cherries than Pac Man
Steve Inskeep has creamed more cupcakes than Sara Lee
Bob Garfield gets more ass than Equus
Ira Flatow gets more poon than a Chinese phone book
thinking that we really probably should set up some kind of backup site this time
thinking that we should set up an amazing Regret Index Comment Annex on an external site
Ira Glass has slammed more bitches than Michael Vick
DROWNING in pussy
that, let's face it, if you get your own show on NPR, you'll be DROWNING in pussy
wondering why Chris Lydon gave up his lucrative and prestigious position at the Bottom Aquarium
imagining an amazing Regret Index that accepted comments, in which you could comment on the regret "wondering how a walrus could possibly hold a pen to sign its name" with "It's hard to grasp"
wondering why Chris Lydon gave up his lucrative and prestigious position at the Boston Aquarium
wondering how a walrus could possibly hold a pen to sign its name
imagining WBUR is how the walrus signs its name
Ice Age Seven Colon All Dogs Go To Heaven
it's always messy when Chris Lydon pulls out, but he usually goes back in for seconds
After messy split from WBUR, Christopher Lydon returns
Ice Age SIX
Ice Age Five
watching a videotape of Shannon Hoon from the group Blind Melon performing on VHOne
that on the last weekend before Christmas you will spend most of your time being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus
that on the last weekend before Christmas you will spend most of your time waiting for other people, in the cold, instead of doing the things you really should be doing, because you inexcusably left the planning of this weekend to others
storing your farts in a bed
Action Jackson
liquid metal hand job robots
wondering who we should get to play the President in our Hand Job Robot Apocalypse movie
who do you think you are, running around leaving scars, collecting your jar of farts, and tearing love apart
Rockapella
wondering how it is possible for North Korea to be so hilarious and so terrifying at the same time
North Korea to build fleet of nuclear powered submarines, begins mass producing screen doors
North Korea sends fax, fax machine to receive fax, spare toner cartridge
North Korea sends fax threatening to strike South Korea 'without notice'
storing your farts in a jar
storing your farts in a case
not being able to hear the name "Donald Trump" without picturing a cartoon duck, enraged at the uncontrollable case of the farts it has somehow acquired
drawing a picture of Donald Trump dancing around his luxurious Trump Tower apartment sarcastically singing "Short Dick Man" by Twenty Fingers featuring Gillette
Sad Neo being presented as Happy Neo
Sad Neo
the Colbert Report
bottoming for John Wayne in Progressive Pilgrim VII
If John Wayne were alive he'd be rolling over invitingly in his grave
If John Wayne were alive he'd be rolling over in his grave
Why when the money was coming in u won't complaining about getting butplugged! #homothug!!!
a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive
If put my foot up your fucking ass, George Stark, but I'm sure you'd dig it too much
being beaten to death by breasts
big breasts going aggro
big chumps
big dumps
big potatoes
big asses
big breasts
going aggro
Whether, when a person mistakenly executes a will meant for another person, that document complies with the formalities required under section nine of the Wills Act Agent FiftySeven "the agent fiftyseven Act" so as to constitute a valid will
Whether, when a person mistakenly executes a will meant for another person, that document complies with the formalities required under section nine of the Wills Act EighteenThirtySeven "the eighteenthirtyseven Act" so as to constitute a valid will
wondering if twoubesock is still around
old news being presented as new
Prince Harry, Kate Middleton's phones were hacked
wondering if the President is more or less likely to survive the Handjob Robot Apocalypse
thinking that once we get tired of this Zombie Apocalypse trope, the Hand Job Robot Apocalypse is going to be the next big thing
before you was born dude, when life was great
Might Morphin' Power Hand Job Rangers
coming back from the future to save mankind from the pee
powered hand job robots
coming back from the future to save mankind from the pee powered hand job robots
The Curious Incident Of The Kid In The Night
The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night
being found on a railway station wearing nothing but underpants with a rolled up sock stuffed down the front, that's how you got your name, twoubesock Shakur
being given the water on the towel
drying yourself after a shower with cash on the bus
being found on a railway station wearing nothing but underpants with a rolled up sock stuffed down the front, that's how you got your name, Paddington Bare
dass Hund nicht jagen
that dog won't hunt
petite women with lovely bottoms
that you almost wrote that exact regret, but you couldn't find a good male only descriptor for a dog
skinny dogs with bitchish butts
breaking a long rod
fucking Wall Street
skinny boys with girlish butts nude
skinny boys with girlish butts
breaking a leg
Twin Long Rods flies to North Korea and South Korea to train national teams #Two
finding your rafter as inappropriate as it is a purlin
that its attendance has been through the roof recently
not having been to the Apollo in years
it wasn't me
Apollo Theatre ceiling collapses in London
Ondine's curse
misplacing your virginity and not being sure where you left it, drying yourself after a shower with a mildewy towel
Hemispatial neglect
Anton Babinski syndrome
Dunning Kruger effect
it's crazy enough to be true
wondering if the regret index was the victim of a North Korean cyberattack that erased all the comments
wondering what flavor of internet porn Kim Jong un is into
wanting to write a "Man Boy Tenderness Institute zombie apocalypse" regret but then remembering we may be on probation right now
Roman flies to North Korea to rape national teen
livin' on a prayer
Pope John Francis Bongiovi, Jr
John Francis Bongiovi, Jr
Rodman flies to North Korea to train national team
Great Moments in Leftism
that you're not intentionally being racist, you just expect that it is an actual thing
betting that there is a Japanese sketch show on YouTube in which you can hear people mockingly pretend to speak English
Yale Qaeda
wondering what it sounds like when people who don't know English mockingly pretend to speak English
Chapterhouse
Harvard student 'called in bomb hoax to avoid sitting exam'
being glad you're not in South Korea right now, to be honest
people wishing that Kim Jong Un had Dennis Rodman killed for treason
people suspecting that Kim Jong un had his excellent horse like lady killed for treason
people suspecting that Kim Jong Un had his wife killed for treason
searching google immediately after writing that regret and discovering that, yes, of course, multiple people have already done that
wondering if anyone has written a paper on how the various MBTIs would behave in a zombie apocalypse
getting damp getting dumped
taking the dampest dump
talcing the hugest damp
ball drops
suddenly that stain looks far from innocent
the Berenstain Twinks
nip slips
stuffing otters up your nose
stuffing twinks up your nose
stuffing bears up your nose
putting beans up your nose is adorable
being first pleasured, then tortured, then killed by a cash machine
Kim Wrong 'Un
America in a British courtroom
making plasma from Kento's butt in your microwave listening to Left Bank Two on a loop
making plasma from Kento's butt in your microwave
making plasma from South Sudan in your microwave
the twenty thirteen South Sudan coup attempt
making plasma from a grape in your microwave
wondering if there are any French wookiees to introduce to Kim Han sol
Kim Han sol
eating that whole thing of Kim Jong un and being executed in bed
Kim Jong Un
that the Wachowski brothers originally had the machines using humans for their brains in a neural network which makes much more sense than the human battery explanation but it was cut because it was believed that the audiences wouldn't understand it
that a scene from The Matrix featuring Keanu Reeves' character gaining the ability to multiply himself at will was cut because it was extraneos
that if we can get to seventy thousand regrets by new year, internet law says Ryan can't shut us down for another twelve months
forcibly expelling your own DNA from your body nude
slamming Sylvia Browne in the car door
the way rape oil stains your clothes
all of the regrets about walrus sex and slamming dicks in car doors probably didn't help
a man who lives in France can sue a magazine that is published in America in a British courtroom if the magazine was available in the UK and if he gets Mr Justice Eady presiding
that I called them names
that he sent us some new people a few months back, but we were rude to them and called them names
a man who lives in France can sue a magazine that is published in America in a British courtroom
not really understanding the workings of the site well enough to offer an educated opinion, but nonetheless thinking that Ryan probably hasn't even though about the index in years, let alone tinkered with it
without anyone doing anything specifically to cause that
punching The Forty Year Old Stripper
that if Ryan were reading this he could give us a sign, like changing the mouseover text on the header image to I'LL SUE YOU IN ENGLAND
I'LL SUE YOU IN ENGLAND
that alternatively posting a fresh comment may have overwritten the old comments database, or it may have become corrupted without anyone doing anything specifically to cause that
that Ryan may just be waiting for some spare time to restore the glory of the comments database
thinking that Ryan figured out that the comments database was causing the problem and disabled it, but didn't disable whatever tries to write comments to a database until after Mr Polanski commented
pinching The Forty Year Old Stripper
starting to wonder if Ryan really did get a cease and desist letter
Andy Dick on Star Trek
pitching The Forty Year Old Stripper
full throttle play
telling your sister your friends are strippers
telling a stripper that your only friend is your sister
telling your friends that your sister is a nude stripper
telling your friends that your sister is a stripper
taking the thickest dump
taking the longest dump
playing Full Throttle
having vampire thoughts about a
if there's grass on the field, play ball
having umpire thoughts about a teenage Winona Rider
having impure thoughts about a teenage Winona Rider nude
nude breasts
being given the nude shoulder
taking the nudest dump
Twin Long Rods #Nude
taking the hugest nude dump
dropping your pants nude
being the fat one in a boy band nude
being big spoon nude
the sudden chill as you realise there is a very real possibility that you are becoming Kento, possibly as fulfilment of a curse in order to release the previous victim nude
those mornings when you wake up and your crotch feels all cottony nude
both men yelling over the chug of the engine
wondering why you would need orange socks nude
seeing the worst version of The Thirty Nine Steps nude
thinking that you saw Denholm Elliott nude on the London Underground a few months ago and not realising he had been dead for twenty years
snippets of dust in a cheap wind
yodelling furries who tase penguins nude
you oughta be here to prove it's true that I'm the only one for you nude
using a harpoon nude
dating a lactose intolerant otaku guido nude
using a harpoon
fisting Kevin Bacon on the moon
Booble Ass Adventure Time
it's like drowning in vegan cream, nude
this isn't working, it's just making you think about Kento nude a lot
Kento's ill tempered boob job nude
hat at the end of Back to the Future, in the altered timeline where the McFlys are rich, they hire Biff, apparently completely forgetting that time he tried to quiche Lorraine nude
washing his feet and picking up his dry cleaning and whatnot nude
staring into the abyss nude
confusing Brian Eno with Eeyore nude
making new regrets by adding "nude" to the end of old regrets nude
drinking the water in Mexico nude
making new regrets by adding "nude" to the end of old regrets
dollar fraud
horses riding bikes, horses doing housework and horses reading books
riding bikes, doing housework and reading books
seeing the sentence "From a new Pope to a new Prince, watch the moments of TwentyThirteen" and thinking "awww man they replaced Prince"
something is just keeping them from being displayed
wondering if the comments have actually been deleted or if something is just keeping them from being displayed
bone conduction speakers
fisting Kevin Bacon in your workplace
Booble Ass
Adventure Time
Google Glass
that sucks not being able to write comments, but it's nice to not have to wait ten minutes for the site to respond when you enter a regret
Booz Allen Hamilton Joe Frank and Reynolds
faking being a spy to be sentenced to be sentenced for one million dollar fraud
EPA official who faked being a spy to be sentenced for one million dollar fraud
the autonomous sensory meridian response
Booze Allen Hamilton
Boobz Allen Hamilton
life is much more simple when you're young
putting vegan cream in your coffee and feeling nauseous
putting cream in your coffee and feeling nauseous
tonight on Analyst to Field Agent, the Sports Bag Challenge weeds the wannabes from the unquestionable patriots!
that it was only ever really a matter of time before a more realistic version of James Bond came along
that the old place feels kinda bare without the comments
wondering if Celebrity Spies are the next big thing, like Edward Snowen will get his own talk show where he'll interview Jennifer Aniston about her new romantic comedy, Giada DiLaurentis will make guilt free holiday desserts, then he'll leak NSA documents
Mary Leona Gage
for the first time ever
they're both right
Trump responded by calling her a "big, fat pig" and a "loser"
Rosie criticized Trump for not dethroning Miss USA Tara Conner after her drug scandal and she called him a "pimp" and "snake oil salesman"
Minnesota archbishop denies touching minor, you betcha
Edward Snowden doesn't show up once in Google's list of top twenty thirteen searches, says company that willingly handed over massive amounts of private data to unconstitutional government spying program
Ashley Judd says sister Wynonna placed GPS device in car
setting out to expose espionage and within a matter of months becoming a Celebrity Spy engaged in exactly the kind of thing you set out to expose
Edward Snowden offers to help Brazil over US spying in return for asylum
disinterring Maurice Ward's corpse and finding it cool to the touch
disinterring Maurice Ward's corpse and fucking the eyeholes of his skull in order to violate him for not sharing Starlite with the world
almost surely not being the same as surely despite them both having a probability of one
folding SETI bacon at home
not knowing enough about semaphores to decode a thirteen character string
Ivan Assangeski
stuffing beans up your nose
having candy with the guy who played Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
a truly obsequious fan letter, so flattering it cannot be ignored
writing a fan letter to Alan Ruck asking for a complete list of his sexual partners
being given the cold Mexico
ripping off an apology for ripping off someone else's work
bottoming for Alan Fuck in Ferris Bueller's Jack Off
a Bolian hairdresser character may be an expression of subtle humor because Bolians, in general, have no hair
having a fuck with Alan Ruck
Mot the Barber
having sex with the guy who played Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
giving yourself skin failure
getting turned on by touching your own tarpit bear
finding it strange that Roman Polanski would want to spend even more time in court getting footed by Mr McGregg
finding it strange that Roman Polanski would want to spend even more time in court
getting footed by Mr McGregg
that, no, it doesn't seem to be possible to write any comments now, which means that Roman Polanski's legal threat is the only comment here
that it doesn't seem possible to write comments on regrets written before the comment crash, but you can write comments on new regrets
getting fisted by Mr McGregg
getting turned on by touching your own armpit hair
pwning Darth Vader slippers
owning Darth Vader slippers
that perhaps the database of comments and the database of regrets were improperly linked and Ryan, as a seasonal gift to us all, has taken it upon himself to fix that
that the index is running significantly faster now
that if you try to enter a comment identical to one that was already written, it won't show up
having no comment on Rough Sex Monday
your old friend Mr McGregg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg
seeing the severed hand ankle story and thinking "that is going to show up on the Regret Index"
severed hand kept alive on ankle
that wicked, wicked Spambot
the bonfire of the odobenes
thinking that Spambot is behind all this
that maybe the comments database is just resting
that all of the comments are gone, not just the recent ones
single payer
Obamacare
the very real possibility that Kento actually posts on the amazing Regret Index
the very real possibility that Bono actually posts on the amazing Regret Index
the very real possibility that Roman Polanski actually posts on the amazing Regret Index
to ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a kid to lead the kid
the kind you find in a second hand store
raspberry parade, you thank her lover
wondering if there is an irate lawyer somewhere frustratedly listening to Ryan attempt to explain yet again that actual people write the things that appear here
fisting vegan bacon at home
minmaxblogging
macroblogging
seasonal oblivion
wondering if we are on the brink of oblivion
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter
saying hi, hello, and season's greetings to Ryan North, whom you assume is messing around with the site right now
Harvard University explosively evacuated amid hugest dump alert
imagining a world in which each and every generation of students could find a stuffed walrus on every desk one day
the true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living
a problem adequately stated is a problem solved theoretically and immediately, and therefore subsequently to be solved, realistically
truth is a relationship
to ask a politician to lead us is to ask the tail of a dog to lead the dog
the things that need doing, that you see need to be done, and that no one else seems to see need to be done
daring to be naive
being pretty sure nobody reads half of what you or anyone else writes
being pretty sure nobody ever read your blog
writing a blog, once, to get something out of your system, but it never quite leaving you
occasional named dread
the cowardice of your conceits
occasional nameless dread
the courage of your convictions
the UbiSlate SevenCi
Harvard University evacuated amid explosives alert
Italian prosecutors investigate claims of restaurants serving dolphin
Ethel Balrog
refusing to believe there was ever an era in which naming someone Guy Tugwell wasn't slightly risque
Anal, Likiep Atoll, Marshall Islands
stories by the dozen
anybody who is anybody needing to write about one hundred and ten regrets daily to meet that target
never having been to a speakeasy
anybody who is anybody
needing to write about one hundred and ten regrets daily to meet that target
entering "fucking" into Google Maps to see what place names it suggests, getting "Fucking Monkey, Puente Alto, Chile" and trying to go there, only for it to say it doesn't understand the location
seriously trying to fly this thing, ya don't know how
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church like a homeless prostitute
homeless prostitute
Fucking, Austria
drawing a picture of Kento being B&O Railroaded by Chris Lydon and a walrus
he's got a ticket to ride
taking the Buttsex & Oral Railroad
Monopoly was a game played by Ewoks on Endor
that the UK version of monopoly assigned such weird roles to many of the places named that it is popularly supposed to have been half places the authors had heard of and half places they could reach from their hotel on foot while researching
wondering why there are no Tickle Cock Bridge or Gropecunt Lane in the UK version of Monopoly
the image of Sir Topham Hatt and Rich "Uncle" Pennybags high fiving over Kento
bottoming for Rexford Guy Tugwell in New Deal VII like a homeless prostitute
Rexford Guy Tugwell
Don't Go To Jail
the Alibi of O
fisting Bono in his stupid face at home
the Story of O Bono, achtung baby
wishing you knew which regular regretter had dropped off the face of the earth
it's much too dangerous to keep that plant alive
the Story of O Tannebaum, Sieg Heil!
the Story of O Tannebaum, achtung
the Story of O, Australia, oy
when dust has settled for so long it not only becomes visible from across the room but has its own distinct color
the Story of O, Canada, eh
your shift is the next eight hours, good luck
body odor railroad
Short Line
drawing a picture of Kento being forced to pay up on the B & O Railroad
B & O Railroad
Pennsylvania Railroad
Reading Railroad
Boardwalk
Park Place
Pennsylvania Avenue
Pacific Avenue
North Carolina Avenue
Marvin Gardens
naming all those spaces on the Monopoly board after US states, then randomly naming one after a small English seaside town
Ventnor Avenue
rocking down to Atlantic Avenue
Atlantic Avenue
Illinois Avenue
Indiana Avenue
Kentucky Avenue
New York Avenue
Tennessee Avenue
St James Place
Virginia Avenue
States Avenue
St Charles Place
Vermont Avenue
Connect Four Avenue
Oriental Avenue
Connecticut Avenue
Baltic Avenue
Mediterranean Avenue
meeting Brian Peppers like a homeless prostitute
mother's ruin
writing another twenty regrets like a homeless prostitute
finding out that your real calling is in executive producing like a homeless prostitute
thinking that your real call is in directing like a homeless prostitute
taking the hugest dump like a homeless prostitute
killing time in a free art gallery like a homeless prostitute
ne sachant pas comment verbe un nom en francais
not knowing how to verb a noun in French
sommelier comme une prostituee sans abri
wishing you'd bothered to translate a regret before entering it
sommeliering like a homeless prostitute
smelling like a homeless prostitute
singeing like a homeless prostitute
being murdered for chump change and set on fire like a homeless prostitute
giving a lick job like a tranny hooker in the dumpster behind the train station
undressing like a homeless prostitute
doing an experimental one man show like a homeless prostitute
singing like a homeless prostitute
dressing like a homeless prostitute
acting like a homeless prostitute
wondering how many times while waiting for a train you've been mistakenly assumed by passers by to be either homeless or a prostitute or both
googling "we're heading out of uncharted territory here" and finding that nobody has even said it for a joke on the internet
signed, Chris Brown
beating a superstar
that nobody ever says "we're heading out of uncharted territory here"
really wishing you had time to make some piccalilli
an animal two horse great bicycle
wondering if there is a recorded case of cannibalism of a celebrity being a superstar
wondering if there is a recorded case of cannibalism of a celebrity eating a superstar
wondering if there is a recorded case of cannibalism of a celebrity
eating a superstar
New Year Water Works
by god you shall have your seventy thousand regrets in time for New Year
Water Works
Electric Company
Liverpool St Station
Fenchurch St Station
Marylebone Station
Mayfair
Park Lane
King's Cross Station
Oxford Street
Bond Street
Regent Street
your browser's spellcheck having 'Piccalilli' but not 'Piccadilly' or 'spellcheck'
Piccadilly
Coventry Street
Leicestershire sauce
Leicester Square
tres vulgar squares
Fleet Street
Trafalgar Square
The Strand
Vine Street
Marlborough Street
Northumberland Avenue
Bow Street
Whitehall
entering a lot of regrets before the page has tried to refresh apparently confusing the server
The Angel Islington
Euston Road
Pall Mall
Pentonville Road
Whitechapel Road
Old Kent Road
drupes
bottoming for Pat Agony in South American Strawberry Fruits VII
framboise au Patagonie
fromage du Patagonie
homage to Patagonia
not knowing where to price things you're selling, so that it's a fair price, maybe even skewed to your advantage, but not too expensive for people to bury it
burying so much vegan cheese
burying so much cheese
buying so much vegan cheese
buying so much cheese
some girls always getting what they wanna wanna
giving Kento a German alarm clock
giving Kento an English Breakfast
Earl Butz
pinching off the hugest Count Dookie
wondering if any main character of Star Wars isn't a multiple killer
getting killed by Luke Skywalker
getting killed by Darth Vader
Ethel Krampus
being ordered to leave Broadcasting House
pitching Ab Stab to the BBC
months later
your intrafficient loins
vegan McDonalds cheeseburgers
her overtrafficed loins
you were thinking of Admiral Ozzel
that Admiral Motti was killed when Luke Skywalker destroyed the first Death Star really not enjoying it at all
that Admiral Motti was killed when Luke Skywalker destroyed the first Death Star
really not enjoying it at all
wondering what it was like for Richard LeParmentier, lying in bed and counting the days until he passed on to the next life, to google his name and realize that the greatest accomplishment in his life was getting killed by Darth Vader
that's not fair, Princess Di also passed a wretched fetus through her overtrafficed loins
wishing for a moment that Jennifer Saunders or Joanna Lumley would be injured by a knife wound to the torso because then the headlines would all be "Ab Stab"
being a supermassivestar
having a lesbian crust on Alex Dainis
Ethel Centaur
that it is your dream to become famous for nothing and then die
at any time at all, prompting weeks of international mourning
calling it the Diana Principle
that it is your dream to become famous for nothing and then die at any time at all, prompting weeks of international mourning and acres of news coverage
eating a McDonalds cheeseburger because literally nowhere else serving food was open and you hadn't eaten in eighteen hours, but really not enjoying it at all
Conan Antonio Motti
not even hearing about the death of Richard Griffiths until eight months later
the second death of Richard LeParmentier
that it is your dream to become famous for something and then die at like eleven fifty seven pm on December thirty first, so that all the magazines and stuff making "People We Lost This Year" lists will be all screwed up
the death of Slim Whitman
the memoirs of Peter O'Toole
fnord printing an Aston Martin
the death of Peter O'Toole
FOURD printing an Aston Martin
ThreeD printing a Boobdon Martin
Methyl Ermine
ThreeD printing an Aston Martin
fermenting mermaids
Methel Erman
Ethel Merman
finding out that Wendy really died and no amount of wishing brought her back
getting Kento some Man City tickets for Christmas
you talk, talk, talk to me
a costume that's very weird, 'cause when you put it on it seems you've gone and disappeared
a hammer without a head, so when you miss the nail you'll never hurt your thumb instead
pre pwned video games
Firepaste
Starlite not being widespread by now
graphene
that there was nothing in Al Capone's vault, but it was doing the Lambeth walk
rewriting Atlas Shrugged with swans in the main roles
not falling for that short, cute girl with the twitchy eye when you had the chance
Joey's fedora goes around and is taken possession by various people in the episode, eh
that when the old guy had that minor stroke, it was the short, cute girl with the twitchy eye who called the paramedics, which proves she has a good heart, even if her eye is kind of messed up
going to that Christmas party and not having the guts to flirt with that short, cute girl with the twitchy eye
Joey's fedora goes around and is taken possession by various people in the episode
you pay nothing
that the mother and child reunion is only thirty minutes away or you pay nothing
an "anti gay activist" and a former fringe candidate for mayor
Man City being exactly what it sounds like
a large group of sweaty, muscled, mostly swarthy men, only one of whom is allowed to use his hands
Man City not being what it sounds like
Iran Reports Successfully Sending Another Monkey Into Space
only being able to imagine how much swan meat would need to be adulterated before the smell of hatred became anything less than pungent
South African interpreter says he never murdered, raped anyone
that the fat drained from browned ground swan has a faint HATRED like smell
riding a dickcycle
never being that game
riding a dicycle
hearing her name in certain circles and it always making you smile that the fat drained from browned ground turkey has a faint urine like smell
hearing her name in certain circles and it always making you smile
that the fat drained from browned ground turkey has a faint urine like smell
never eating that game
never beating that game
vegan garlic bread
bottoming for Biggs Darklighter in Buggar's Canyon VII
burning the garlic bread
a MAXIMAL THREE mass skate TRICYCLE
building hand job robots for conjoined twins where one twin controls the hands and the other controls the genitalia
Jackson Cloaca Frank
bullseyeing Jackson C Frank in your T sixteen when you were a kid
now that is pod racing!
shooting Jackson C Frank in the cloaca with a torpedo when you were a kid
building a second Death Swan, but, being mindful that your first Death Swan was destroyed by a torpedo in the cloaca, making the second Death Swan so large that entire starships can fly up the cloaca and blast it from the inside
building a Death Swan
Chinks, Japs, and Laps
an Alderaanian swan was presumably an avian creature from Alderaan
lewd navels of disgust
new levels of disgust
OLD people who are not only LESS successful than yourself but also OPAQUELY LESS talented
young people who are not only more successful than yourself but also clearly more talented
being worse than a kid
eating worse than a kid
Lithopaedia, the free fossilized fetus that anyone could be carrying
Forty Year Old Fetus Found Inside Elderly Woman
perpetrating thrice cursed acts of treachery
Susan Sarandon says she was stoned at almost all award shows
ordering the clams at that restaurant in Tokyo by size
ordering the clams at that restaurant in Tokyo
Shock as Incestuous Clam Discovered in Australia
Shock as Incestuous Clan Discovered in Australia
James Bond says that he loves you, you're his best mate
Doctors say James Bond is an impotent drunk
finding it really hard to follow that
that there's a restaurant in Tokyo where you can have sex with an animal then they'll hold and thrill it for you
ordering the Kento platter
that there's a restaurant in Tokyo where you can have sex with an animal then they'll kill and cook it for you
music to watch girls poo by
two girls tonkatsu
being sure you want made up answers
being sure you want actual answers
having so many questions about the poo restaurant but not being sure you want actual answers
misplacing your virginity and not being sure where you left it, though it was probably that restaurant in Tokyo where you can watch girls poo and then eat it
writing eighteen hundred or so regrets is simplicity itself
Thamsanqa Jantjie
wondering if we could write eighteen hundred or so regrets
Affluenza
wondering if we could write the eighteen hundred or so regrets to get to seventy thousand befoe the new year
guessing that if Lenovo is willing to hire Ashton Kutcher to design products, they'd probably give you money to build your hand job robot
Kim Jong Un's uncle repeatedly executed
Hulking Ogre can't block
wondering, purely from an academic viewpoint, how one goes about acquiring funding for a robot hand job project
he who lives by the hand job dies by the hand job
Kim Jong Un's uncle reportedly executed by robot hand job
Robot Handjobs Are The Future, And The Future Is Coming
Kim Jong Un's uncle reportedly executed
the mean stre