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recent regrets

imagining Osama bin Laden kicking himself once he realized that he could basically have obliterated the White House on IX XI due to the lack of airspace control around DC
drinking Harvey Cream's heavy cream
apropos of nothing stating the fact that cetacean milk has the same consistency as Harvey Cream
apropos of nothing stating the fact that cetacean milk has the same consistency as heavy cream
signed, Patrick Stewart
you need to stay away from the pissing poo
you need to stay away from the petting zoo
they cum in pints
Garfield cartoonist denies Jon drinks a pint of kid semen in comic strip
wondering how much, historically, it has cost to get any major magazine to run a fluff piece about "a man's man" and have it be plain that this is kind of a rapeyrather than kind of a fruity subject
Bert Harvest just kind of crept in there
Garfield cartoonist denies Jon drinks a cup of kid semen in comic strip
bert harvest n Affleck Rapes an Adorable Stray Puppy, Massively Hurts
seeing the headline "Ben Affleck Takes in Adorable Stray Puppy, Melts Hearts" and wondering how much it costs to get PEOPLE magazine to run a cute fluff piece about you to deflect revelations that you sexually assault people
The man with Britain's smallest penis has just been hired to front a campaign with the slogan colon 'There's nothing wrong with a little prick'
Garfield cartoonist denies Jon drinks a cup of dog semen in comic strip
Miramax cheerleader lapkids
Harvey has a controversial reputation but I love the guy
Miramax cheerleader lapdogs
Kenthoo Iswana
[ show all 131110 regrets ]

recent comments

(1) Bert Harvest just kind of crept in there
(1) Fifty Plates of Jaffles
(1) Candide Thovex
(1) secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares
(1) betting your right nut on a pair of jacks
(1) being in the unfortunate habit of falling for a pretty smile
(5) that being bound, gagged, hooded and beaten in a freezing cold barn in the middle of nowhere, hosed down, sworn at, beaten, ridiculed, beaten again, beaten some more and then electrocuted gratuitously makes you uncomfortable
(1) the Island of the Virgin Presidents
(2) back in the nineties when getting caught with your dick in a hooker's mouth was a big deal but not a career killer
(1) let who who has never sexually harassed and raped record breaking numbers of women over a span of four decades cast the first stone, amirite
[ show more ]

search regrets

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top regrets

the goddamn deliberately disabled modems Earthlink sent out to customers in the early aughts, cannot enable DHCP without "paying" extra, and using PPoE plus a router with DHCP disables streaming video, FU Earthlink (1.0000)
kind of loving Gene Hunt, that magnificent bastard (1.0000)
your dyslexia flaring up (1.0000)
shows that only have eight episodes per season (1.0000)
regrets about pony blowing (1.0000)
[ show more ]

bottom regrets

using the word "waffletastic" (0.0000)
doing Harambe jokes eighteen months later (0.0000)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (0.0000)
rubbing one out in the bathroom at church (0.0000)
killing the California girls (0.0000)
[ show more ]

most voted regrets

meeting Brian Peppers (12561/0.9789)
Kento (2760/0.9993)
turtles (2608/0.0004)
the death of Sylvia Browne (2431/0.0004)
that you're suddenly very interested in the origin of the champagne out of a shoe trope (2336/0.5076)
[ show more ]

most discussed regrets

tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy (357)
turtles (291)
your boobs buying food on ebay (109)
the death of Sylvia Browne (70)
not getting circumcised (63)
not having met ryan north (55)
I would want to bang Jewel if I were not in a relationship (37)
that Kento's birthday passed a week ago and you didn't even have a chance to make him a sandwich (32)
learning all the elements in the periodic table in order (32)
still only seeing black, white, and blue (30)
the actress (29)
wondering whether the kids who are, say, three or four years old now will eventually develop their own interests or if they will be cursed to be nothing but proxies for their dumbass manchild fathers' lost youth and be doomed to like Star Wars for eternit (26)
opening new cider (25)
meeting Brian Peppers (21)
that we can post actual imgur links to comments now (20)
wondering what it is that you do (19)
wondering what question you want to ask (19)
imagining the images on an amazing Regret Index calendar and then throwing up in your mouth a little bit (17)
moralmachine dot mit dot edu (17)
She neglects to mention that her grandson's withered, inbred cock lacked the power to successfully impregnate a woman naturally (16)
wondering whether you've entered some kind of "Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Cunnilingus on Her!" contest or something (15)
saying that name, you know the one, three times (15)
Kento (14)
being cancelled with a mild but acceptable cliffhanger, then being brought back through the efforts of your fans and to show your thanks, giving said fans an even more frustrating cliffhanger in a bid for more episodes which obviously won't be made (13)
President Housekeeping, starring Hulk Hogan (13)
getting a tattoo of a woman fellating a horse on your hip (12)
For political reasons, the classification of "honorary white" was granted to immigrants from Japan, South Korea and Taiwan, countries with which South Africa maintained diplomatic and economic relations, and to their descendants (12)
not being able to finish anything you've ever started (12)
firing a gullet pun indiscriminately at seagulls (12)
cutting off your long hair (12)
that, okay, to be honest your natural reaction to any kind of interaction initiated by the opposite sex is to consider forming a crush on them (12)
wondering what happened to YOU to make you hat the french so much (11)
having a hell of a dream (11)
trying to befriend a Regret Index user (11)
really needing to get around to peeing in Kento's face (10)
Females are fifty percent more likely than males to switch hands while masturbating (10)
that the comments here came back (10)
having sex with Oasis (10)
forgetting sarah marshall (10)
wondering what the other three countries you've lived in are (10)
I'm the stranger thrilling an A bra (10)
wondering if it is possible to grab your own head and rip it off (10)
falling into that nest of gungans (9)
wondering whether you would rather have your penis removed entirely or get to keep it but have pain every time you get an erection (9)
wondering if you wrote the comment on two two seven oh one (9)
seeing a car with HOO on the license plate and feathers on the mirror (9)
wondering why you want to bang a Katie all of a sudden, anyway (9)
what some people jack off to (9)
what you do for a living (9)
thinking of starting dating again (9)
making a neutral face (8)
wishing that each wikipedia page had a view count on it, because you really want to know how many people have needed information on, say, "Benin at the twenty twelve Summer Paralympics" (8)
not going all the way (8)
discovering the depths of your personality and finding out which movie star could play you! (8)
it's still better than having him sucking on your left one until you have a breastgasm (8)
lining up a zinger about Rebecca Black and celebrity but having to concede that she's doin' OK (8)
Jeb Bush Would Time Travel and Kill Baby Hitler If Given the Chance (8)
trying to think of someone with a more punchable face than Matt Damon (8)
US JUGGALO'S (8)
checking this site after many, many years (8)
not having any self esteem (8)
remembering that scend in Pokemon where Ash kisses that Latias in human form, and thinking that's probably Kento's best bet (8)
GUNKWAD used CUM FART TSUNAMI! It's SUPER EFFECTIVE! (8)
drawing a picture of a female human of indeterminate age with an ass like a ten year old boy having her buttocks spray painted teal by Pikachu and Weedle (8)
deleting your MyFace tweet account book (8)
that you were honestly kind of relieved when it looked like the regret index was broken because it meant you didn't have to think about things like Jonathan Frakes peeing on Patrick Stewart's head any more (8)
really having no interest in professionally produced porn (7)
wondering where the line between porn film and birthing video lies (7)
Will Smith's ability to read insipid rapes from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares (7)
have you already started (7)
constantly eating from a bag of lollies and being unable to stop (7)
that you would gobble up Alice Eve if you were not in a relationship (7)
not being Kento (7)
wondering which you would choose, to be a lesbian with a penis or a straight man with a vagina (7)
wondering which will come first, reaching one hundred thousand regrets or Kento having sex (7)
wondering if using pinto or black beans in chili will make it taste any different than chili with kidney beans (7)
Your comment must be in English or it will be removed (7)
I already have one, I'm not even using it, would you like it (7)
#piggate (7)
wondering which you would choose given the option of either speed dating everyone on your Celebrity Bang List with the ability to mix and match, or cruising around on a luxury yacht all day with no more than ten of them (7)
this guy right here (7)
genuinely not understanding the appeal of Katy Perry (7)
Luke never even asks about his mother (7)
wondering who Tabitha on regret two zero six eight was and how she found the index (7)
not having anything against Cameron Diaz but seriously wondering how she became the highest grossing actress in US box office history (6)
do you have a plan or do you just like to watch me like a zoo animal (6)
using the screen name "black guy plus white girl equals hot" (6)
wondering what a half centaur would look like (6)
we should watch Daredevil for the next liveregret (6)
that walruses, goats, and swans represent the Leviathan, Behemoth, and Ziz, respectively, of the regret index (6)
that you actually got one of those smoking gun quizzes right (6)
the death of Richard Bonehill (6)
fuck marry kill, a shoe, a pony, a carrot (6)
Toblerone is facing a mountain of criticism for changing the shape of its famous triangular candy bars in British stores, a move it blames on rising costs (6)
playing Entry of the Gladiators over the Republican National Convention coverage (6)
not helping an older woman down the steps (6)
I have very unrealistic expectations (6)
shitting in her mouth (6)
Rob Schneider doesn't count (6)
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Perform Urolagnia on Her! (6)
wondering if there is a glory hole equivalent for butt stuff where you just jam your cheeks up against a dinner plate sized hole and wait for people to come and do stuff to you (6)
Theresa May bragged about Britain being world's fifth largest economy, After her speech, it dropped to sixth (6)
fuck marry kill, a Vulcan, a Klingon, a Romulan (6)
drawing a picture of Luke, Wedge, Biggs, and Porkins making a trench run on Kento (6)
throwing a coin which inadvertently smashed the rear windshield of my teacher's car, btw kinetic energy is a bitch, and got me suspended (6)
wanting to make Kento love SPERM for his birthday (6)
will no one rid me of this meddlesome prifefe (6)
not asking her out again, when she would have said yes the second time (6)
wondering what it is like to be a female celebrity and know that at any given moment there are at least several hundred guys masturbating to you (6)
that a pretty brunette girl, late teens, stranded on the beach, wearing a becoming bikini bottom, flip flops and sweatshirt, to whom you lent your cell phone to call for a ride, smiled up winningly at you, batted her long lashes, then thanked you as "Sir" (6)
that even old New York was once New Amsterdam (5)
that twenty sixteen saw nearly a forty percent drop in regret productivity compared to the record breaking performance we put up in twenty fifteen (5)
Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris 'have broken up' after XV months together, British man still doesn't know who either of them are or why this matters (5)
that movies would probably be ten times shorter if the characters didn't do something stupid once in a while (5)
possible snuff dvds (5)
fuck marry kill, the Rat Pack, the Brat Pack, the Frat Pack (5)
any smooth bottom intersted into top muscle pm me (5)
wondering if there even is a constitutional method for determining the presidency if the president elect and vice president refuse to be sworn in at all (5)
being told you are infrequently vile by the BBC (5)
fmk, JLH, SMG, JTT (5)
British government pooh poohs winning 'Boaty McBoatface' name for ship (5)
that you'd like to connect in an incredibly egotistical way with people but it's difficult on the regret index when there's years of pornographic lore built up around you even in your absence because nobody buys your narcissistic bullshit (5)
I'm going to call you Simon from now on (5)
Peppa Meets Oasis (5)
What's In A Manacled Elf (5)
I would bust that tight pASTERISKASTERISKASTERISKy so hard and so often that you would leak and limp for a week (5)
The entire Bee Movie except every time someone says bee it cuts to that person or bee peeing in Kento's face (5)
As part of the Wiggles, Fatt became one of the "most popular Asian performers in the world" (5)
Colon cells have it rough colon They die off after about four days (5)
I wanna take my time stroking you, baby, if you don't mind (5)
reading an article reviewing books that discuss the contributions women made to science, seeing the sentence "It takes just over eight seconds for sunlight to reach the Earth" in the first paragraph and thinking, naw, I'm not gonna read this (5)
BUTT SLUT (5)
finally sewing up that hole in your pocket, if you know what I mean (5)
Debbie Snakez Her Bathtub Drain (5)
wondering how important it is to your crossover fanfic (5)
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Donald Trump whose brain has been replaced with that of a duck, or a hideous chimeric fusion of David Cameron and Cameron Diaz (5)
that being bound, gagged, hooded and beaten in a freezing cold barn in the middle of nowhere, hosed down, sworn at, beaten, ridiculed, beaten again, beaten some more and then electrocuted gratuitously makes you uncomfortable (5)
I was alive in nineteen eighty three (5)
we all need somebody to ream on (5)
being resigned to urine, Eminem, death (5)
fuck marry kill, Prince's left half stitched to David Bowie's right half, a chimera with Alan Thicke's limbs and head attached to Alan Rickman's body, Kenny Baker with Kimbo Slice's genitals (5)
face ass take on, The British Bulldog, Darth Vader, Kento (5)
not really understanding the logic of an organization that is going out of its way to make every nation on the planet with nuclear weapons pissed off at them (5)
wandering around Mevagissey eating ice cream (5)
Number One Will SHOCK You! (5)
fuck marry kill, the father, the son, the holy ghost (5)
discovering you were blocked by someone you respect on social media, but having no idea when or why this happened (5)
I get called by a guy that can't buy a pair of pants, I get called names (5)
eating moldy chocolate (5)
Lol no one ever (5)
trying to watch Open Windows but thinking you might turn it off because you've never seen a Sasha Grey film before and you're not really in the mood for double anal (5)
being glad that Kento liked your regret about electroplating pennies (5)
SCP Six Nine Six Nine Colon Nicki Minaj's dildo microphone (5)
looking at pictures of naked gentlemen (5)
going into puberty (5)
having had the theme from Junior Kick Start stuck in your head for a couple of years now (5)
El Coca and teen rape are stronger than any dispute (5)
happy new year (5)
suspecting Scarlett Johansson would like you to stop spitting in her asshole (5)
all the people not in a relationship banging Jewel's boobs (5)
guessing that you say The Karate Kid II once like maybe the year it came out (5)
getting your first cavity in your thirties (5)
Collingwood Art Dolls (5)
the random regret generator is giving you blank regrets to vote on (5)
genuinely not understanding the appeal of Russell Brand (5)
I'm really sorry about that, we really should have dealt with this by now (4)
the regulars using regret number one seven five two five two message each other (4)
saving the life of a unmarried teen mother at the expense of two wealth creating cats (4)
sleeping in the same bed as a dog (4)
Nuclear Man (4)
mimel noara (4)
Slash's Blues Ball (4)
having worked with Cambridge undergraduates and graduates for protracted periods and being honestly able to say they aren't as a cohort notably intelligent, just focused on their usually narrow special interests, and expecting the same is true of Harvard (4)
Category colon Ash dick infection (4)
Ugh I just, I love her, but I get so sick of her sometimes too (4)
wondering which barely scientific scifi world would be best to live in (4)
another sad and lonely christmas (4)
it's also possible that I might just change my mind one day for no real reason (4)
getting the regret "all of these stupid regrets" but not having a Sometimes button (4)
fuck marry kill, the Four Tops, Four Non Blondes, Ten Thousand Maniacs (4)
that if you fuck Kento the only option is to kill yourself (4)
After she sent him a cartoon image of a pump bottle of hand lotion and a box of tissues, he responded with a graphic, homemade text and emoji image of an ejaculating penis (4)
I enjoy having sex with people I hardly know (4)
ITS A TRAP! (4)
Oscar asking if he can show you his cock (4)
that Rachel was always your favourite F#R#I#E#N#D# but maybe this was because by the time you realised what a colossal wishy washy bitch she was she'd got knocked up and basically assumed some kind of personality, while Monica was actively becoming worse (4)
something ribald (4)
using a cherry stoner to take the cherry stone from a cherry, then observing the ragged and gaping red stained canal between the fresh, pert contours of the cherry's lower end (4)
naming your daughter Rooney (4)
that would depend on the size of the glass and the concentration of the pee (4)
Donald Trump's lawyers have argued that protesters "have no right" to "express dissenting views" at his campaign rallies because it infringes on the US President's First Amendment rights (4)
being dickrolled, if you know what I mean (4)
Inflation does not exist in real life (4)
being freaked out that there's a help wanted sign in the deli window, which is let's face it a new patheticism even for someone as easily freaked out as yourself (4)
that female porn stars usually have faces well below average (4)
the painful knowledge that you are too old and out of shape for Natalie Portman to want to bang you, and you probably always were (4)
crying while listening to Agadoo (4)
the recurrent concern that one day, someone we talk about, other than Kento because honestly, Kento, amirite, will turn up and there'll be this long terrible discussion about them on the front page (4)
that i deleted all the spam comments, hah hah hah OH WELL (4)
A teenager with teleportation abilities suddenly finds himself in the middle of an ancient war between those like him and their sworn annihilators (4)
when I tell everyone that you're in love with me (4)
having never seen The Karate Dog, or any of the sequels, or the remake (4)
guessing that if the first page of google results for your name contains more than one video of you getting double penetrated, saying that you went through some "rough times" is probably insufficient (4)
Big Fucking Gonads (4)
how much of a pain in the ass it is to have to rent nineteen buses (4)
kind of wishing that Ryan would give one of us administrator privileges so we can get rid of the spam comments (4)
Pokemon Life As a House and Star Wars (4)
having redundant sexual organs (4)
having garlicky fingers (4)
you've taken me for granted because I please you (4)
that you like your women like you like your coffee, male (4)
that you can apparently get a pizza thap cam cao cap for one hundred and nine thousand dongs in Vietnam (4)
but apparently you hate that (4)
NO NO YOU WILL NOT BREAK THE COVENANT (4)
kicking me in my heart (4)
Donald 'Four Cock Mouth' Trump (4)
they DO move in herds! (4)
the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be (4)
compulsively lying about your fondness for big butts (4)
making it with a redhaired girl in a Chevrolet (4)
fuck marry kill, Courtney Cox, Brian Cox, and Myke Hawke (4)
The American popstar Madonna agrees on a settlement with her former consort Guy Ritchie over their heir (4)
this dumb motherfucker would lose your house keys, burn down your apartment, then try to sneak off and fingerbang your stepdaughter (4)
wondering how frequently the Pope or the Dalai Lama or people like that jack off (4)
I was young, I needed the money (4)
yo mama so tall when she jump in the sky it hit jesus' balls (4)
the death of Amy Johnson (4)
eating breakfast at ten pm (4)
wondering why necrophilia has such a taboo against it, considering that it is symbolic of the circle of life, evocative of planting a seed in lifeless soil (4)
entering too soon (4)
that other people's ways of brushing their teeth are fucking weird (4)
wondering how many unique words appear in Tubthumping but not enough to bother counting (4)
licking Brian Peppers's pecker (4)
going to the mall and seeing a ten foot high poster for The Huntsman Colon Winter's War that had a huge picture of Liam Gallagher or whatever the fuck the name of the star is, and his "armor" appeared to be made of the same leather as women's purses (4)
Kento's anus (4)
Double Penetration Edged Sword in the Lodestone Cold Filtered Hand Ground Slow Roasted Traditionally Poured and Puddled Adobe Flash!!! Aaahh!!! Real Hot Dirty Pocket Pool Monsters (4)
I know, I voted for them (4)
snapping tendons in my hand after a failed dunk attempt (4)
the murder of Lena al Qasem (4)
High Elves (4)
wondering what the official butt rape tune of the Trump campaign is (4)
Siberian tits (4)
meetgraham dot com dot au (4)
girl on girl sex during POST PARTUM PSYCHOSIS (4)
fuck marry kill, eighteen year old Kento, twenty eight year old Kento, thirty eight year old Kento (4)
getting involved with me (4)
we're buddies (4)
Man Cheats Credit Score (4)
burning Sean Penn (3)
Kate Upton losing her extremities to frostbite (3)
Currently, the phrase 'Brit Pack' is often used to describe any disparate group of young British actors and actresses of rising prominence (3)
declaring martial law (3)
flying back to Kodiak tomorrow and knowing that your family is going to make you go and see Star Wars (3)
that I wasn't shaved by any midgets, I found out that something that happened to me is also part of the plot of a movie made at the time it happened (3)
wondering if the Foreign Legion would have you (3)
fuck marry kill, Kento, Brian Peppers, Sylvia Browne (3)
that whenever you hear talk of Iceland ash you imagine this scene (3)
that everyone keeps invoking a divorce analogy for Brexit, and you wish they would use something more appropriate, like, say, two dogs gradually decoupling after the knotting subsides (3)
wondering what they call a sixty nine year jubilee (3)
thinking that butt chugging was the domain of dumbass frat guys, but realizing that it is actually probably practiced more often by the hopelessly alcoholic (3)
inimically toothy sex ho (3)
Pennsylvania Dutch rudders, English (3)
mashing the sack on a table with a hammer, BAMBAMBAM (3)
hoping it's not "fist or be fisted by a Star Trek cast member" (3)
not actually knowing what happens with menstruation in Star Trek, like is there a magical pill you take and it just stops or what (3)
incendio (3)
rating my poo (3)
holding a party for Kento's birthday at the Sheraton Addis in the Omo Room (3)
it gives a woman the firm fanny of a twelve year old (3)
Fifteen Surprising Celebs Who Are Jerks In Real Life (3)
drawing a picture of the full roster of the San Antonio Spurs releasing their full morning bladders onto Kento (3)
sucking more than a cowboy's horse (3)
that you love the Regret Index but it makes you so regretful (3)
that whenever someone uses the word "bang" in the sexual sense, you think of this video (3)
fuck marry kill, only weirdly cropped, pitchbent Family Guy clips in your YouTube suggestions forever no matter what you do, blowing a guy but he jizzes diamonds & you get to keep the diamonds, spooning Jewel's boobs but also having to spoon Rob Schneider (3)
two grown men fixating on a teenage boy who runs a topiary store with the older man he lives alone with, a boy who can't seem to get a steady girlfriend despite pretty girls throwing themselves at him (3)
drawing a picture of a group of homosexual tearful Texans pulling down their pants after seeing Kento cross the border (3)
holding the lime (3)
fuck marry kill, Garfield, Bob Geldof, the Bangles (3)
Woman Who Urinates on Herself (3)
becumming Tom Petty (3)
that you are this close to adopting a child (3)
darning your socks, what are you, French (3)
Watch All of Natalie Portman's Movies for a Chance to Love Her! (3)
that the reboot slash remake of the first Harry Potter movie is expected to be out by twenty sixteen (3)
Jeri Ryan Seven of Nine's Breast Expansion Star Trek Voyager (3)
on the Snopes of Mount Doom (3)
wondering what did happen to that guy Daniel punched in the face (3)
the new episodes of Lasagna Cat (3)
shaving my head for this (3)
HEY GUYS STAR WARS REALLY SUCKS LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT (3)
Xragb (3)
wondering what kind of contract you made with Will Smith (3)
not getting your nice shoes cleaned after the orgy (3)
from the directors of the Matrix and nothing else worth mentioning (3)
how the Grinch stole the US Federal Gold Reserve, over two hundred police and national guard dead, a nation mourns (3)
that the NYC police used to famously extort more money in fines from prisoner by posting "PLEASE DO NOT EXPECTORATE" signs all over the cells, a word spitting Irish toughs couldn't possibly be expected to know (3)
tasting your own semen 'to hike jew slut tits sea' (3)
watching Prometheus (3)
not really having anything useful to say to people in times of stress, but feeling the need to say something and consequently making a lot of low grade sexual jokes (3)
that apparently performing cunnlingus on Kat Dennings would require watching BOTH Thor movies, which is a commitment I'd rather not make (3)
Donald Trump wants to build a wall on the Mexican border and based on his tone he also wants to fuck that wall (3)
the death of Chris Lydon (3)
that time you tried making Kento a wedding cake for his birthday and it all ended in tears (3)
UK national sperm bank has just nine donors (3)
Kim Kardashian eating her son after son's birth (3)
that the concept of telepathy and telekinesis is so common in science fiction, even science fiction of the "harder" sort, yet there is absolutely no mechanic outside of pseudoscience to explain how they function (3)
doing Dallas (3)
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years (3)
catfish (3)
this guy (3)
Newquay gran 'disgusted' after seeing man perform sex act using campervan towbar (3)
tell me your skype (3)
pink mutt pubes (3)
that you, a sado polyamorist, have bondage, latex, and wam fetishes and tied your significant others up in catsuits then whipped them viciously while a slave poured gallons of thick gloopy translucent or opaque messy substances on them (3)
applying for a job at Playboy (3)
BSjWOVis (3)
HOLEZONE (3)
there's seven inches of snow outside, so i'm thinking of making some chocolate chip cookies for my roommates and i (3)
jerking off with a crusty semen stained sock up your butt (3)
that you will probably not live for very much longer (3)
Could any man really satisfy a woman sexually, if her most recent lover had been Sean Connery (3)
liking your sex like you like your congress, stilted, formal, and culminating in a bill (3)
breakdowns come and breakdowns go (3)
rape (3)
sometimes I know your heart is full of troll waiters (3)
TORNADO! (3)
I don't think you really count as my significant other, we've never even met (3)
not being able to remember his name, thus being forced to refer to Andrew Zimmern as "that guy who eats horse cock" (3)
constantly cumming in Constance Cummings (3)
why'd YOU move to France (3)
Teresa Heinz Kerry is totally going to sue us in England (3)
smells like wine (3)
wondering if you have any great recipes for TOMATOES (3)
Roman Polanski winning the Teens Don't Have a Choice Lifetime Achievement Award (3)
using the word "waffletastic" (3)
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on Craigslist (3)
Fight on UK train after people kept placing bagels on travellers' heads, cheerio (3)
Bicoid Fetus shits water being frightened (3)
I ain't afraid of no sleepin' (3)
jokes that are either Kento or Woodsy Alan (3)
being froward (3)
that the Regret Index is where nerdy adults running out of youth and optimism come to act like teenagers on the internet (3)
gonopores (3)
masturbating during Schindler's List (3)
playing Dungeons & Dragons with a severed penis (3)
that Sandra Bullock is the female Jude Law (3)
Kento's testicular volume (3)
wondering how much the tabloids would pay for a Guy Fieri Steve Harwell sex tape (3)
wondering whether you would rather Eiffel Tower David Cameron with dickgirl Rachel Stevens, or be Eiffel Towered by dickgirls Cameron Diaz and Rachel Stevens (3)
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus (3)
Jasmine (3)
yeah, that's what I mean, people are basically just filming porn with a three sixty camera and playing it on an oculus rift, but when are we going to get the actual fully interactive stuff with maybe a crotchpiece or something (3)
bottoming for R Kelley in I Believe I Will Cut You If You Don't Stop Struggling VII (3)
fuck marry kill, Mrs Robinson, Mrs Jones, Stacey's mom (3)
sex predators (3)
reading a crap book about ready made Hebrews (3)
hearing about those horse meat infused burgers being sold in the UK, and becoming curious about how horse tastes (3)
getting your fist sex girl rants, sir, buying them at the five and dime (3)
The pants were meant to say 'animal' but due to a factory error had the word 'anal' on them in large print, just above her bottom (3)
being that chicken flavored ramen that make your sweat smell like chicken (3)
Raydiation (3)
fuck marry kill, Joey, Ross, Chandler (3)
having a one night stand with a guy who makes you call him Mr Bubble (3)
Disney guessing how old you are (3)
special effects in Eighties propaganda movies (3)
Canada gurls, we're unforgettable, moccasins, campaign hat on top, clammy skin so pale we'll melt your Kraft Dinner, oooooh oh oooooh (3)
considering building a time machine in order to travel back in time and bang Lea Thompson but then realizing her daughter is way hotter (3)
ironically if you were a walrus, being a priapic insomniac would make you a big success (3)
I don't think that's going to make the deli girl like you (3)
Polanski guessing how old you are (3)
your body is a Disneyland (3)
wondering how anyone was able to feel anything at all given the epic amounts of alcohol and cocaine that must have preceded those couplings (3)
this freakin guy (3)
I am hardly a suing person, and yet that just got my goat (3)
running on childrens panties time (3)
guessing that it's intended to highlight how little certain sections of the voting public actually understand of the geopolitics they profess to have solid opinions on (3)
def twins homo menage (3)
wondering why the call those orange fish "goldfish" (3)
wondering what Norbit was like in Fatworld (3)
fuck marry kill, Adam Duritz, Adam Levine, Adam Ant (3)
I WAS IN DEMI MOORE'S POO (3)
Kento needs to be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine, whenever Kento is not being posted about, all the other posters need to be asking "where's Kento" (3)
confusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner (3)
fuck marry kill, Ash, Brock, Misty (3)
drawing a picture of Kento screaming "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL AQUATIC MAMMALIAN SEXUAL PARTNER!" at a hippo and being told to go to his room by Chris Lydon (3)
if there were a John Astin Elly Jackson sex tape, I'd literally pay money to see it (3)
being perceived as a joke (3)
having seen screencaps of Pamela Adlon's nude scene and knowing that if you ever actually saw the video, with sound, you would probably want to kill yourself (3)
having a beautiful ass (2)
defending your brazier from Brendan Frasier (2)
wondering when and why it became gauche for the ultra rich to employ court dwarfs (2)
wondering what the worst thing anybody has ever written is (2)
drawing a picture of Chris Lydon knotting inside Kento after oral intercourse (2)
Number Two Will Make You Weep (2)
taking a photograph of Donald Trump blowing Bill Clinton while Prince Andrew watches from a palm tree and masturbates (2)
what's going to happen is they will come to their senses, and we will all be just fine (2)
the Houston Gamblers (2)
wondering whether you would rather have a bisexual fourway with a wookiee, another guy and Princess Leia in a garbage masher on the detention level or get banged by Dickgirl Padme in the middle of the Dune Sea, without a reacharound (2)
tonight there's going to be a jail break, somewhere in this town (2)
Hulk Hogan's skin (2)
your son gleefully jacking off Jackie Gleason (2)
trying to give a Regret Index user a hot brown sandwich in the communal laundry room (2)
Bonobono (2)
people who praise Scandianivan Socialism while forgetting that the main reason is works so well is that pretty much everyone in Scandinavia is Scandinavian (2)
having sex with a girl who looked a lot like Doll Ritchie (2)
After many years of silence, around the same time as the Fifth Holy Grail War would have happened, the Yggdmillennia, a family of magi, openly declares their secession from the Mage's Association, and that they are in possession of the Grail (2)
hi, I'm Bleached Kodyak, nice to meet you (2)
la Setmana Tragica turtles (2)
helping your uncle jack put on a donkey show, with a matinee on saturdays and sundays and wednesdays too in the high season (2)
having non consensual sex with a spring onion (2)
something is happening here but you don't know what it is (2)
Mr Penn wrote that the drug lord ironically called Mr Trump "Mi Amigo!" (2)
Trump Demands New York Times Apologize for Saying He Rooted Mr Pecker (2)
the New York of the F#R#I#E#N#D#S# seems pretty sweet, with the giant ass affordable vermin free modern apartments and the abundance of great jobs (2)
facefucking Kento (2)
registering 'my dick is ten inches long' as a trademark (2)
ratemypoo dot com (2)
seeing a picture of Henry Kissinger jacking off in the shower over a bruised and bloodied Kento (2)
not really believing a highly paid clinical diagnostician of a prestgious teaching hospital would get home from a psychiatric institionalization on the freakin' bus (2)
wanting to double check with your low key girlfriend from when you were sixteen that she did not in fact get pregnant and never tell you, because maybe being a deadbeat absent dad is better than being forever alone (2)
Pokemon Sucking Dick and Getting Off! (2)
shaving my legs for this (2)
Anti Defamation League Declares Pepe the Frog Shit (2)
HP is short for Hard Penis (2)
Han dies (2)
the man in the yellow hat (2)
Kenchel (2)
milk of amnesia (2)
putting off seeing like thirty movies with one actor in common for almost a decade, even though most of them were at least kind of OK and some were really very good (2)
fuck marry kill, fatworld Ellie Jackson, dickgirl Rachel Stevens, hirsute Emma Watson (2)
looking up adult dance classes but never joining one, if you know what I mean (2)
fuck marry kill, Bob McKenzie, Doug McKenzie, Hayden Christensen (2)
ignoring other people's feelings (2)
taking the chewiest dump (2)
punching Sister Beech (2)
that the swan regrets are not funny, stop it please (2)
seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary intergalactical upsets (2)
your dyslexia flaring up (2)
the Islamicisation of Christmas (2)
Pregnant Women Warned to Stay Away From Big Willie (2)
I happen to like eight year old boys (2)
MORE LIKE AN A HOLE (2)
wondering if they called her Jackie O because she was really good at hand jobs (2)
cuties (2)
wondering how big an anal ring needs to be to be considered "huge" (2)
they travel in herds (2)
Not having anyone to send a sexy snapchat to even though you feel capable of taking one of yourself for the first time in your sad life (2)
Now turn around bitch, put that ass on a nigga, grind on his dick make it get a little bigger (2)
holding the line (2)
voting yes or no on this regret (2)
thinking finding someone ass up before the toilet choked on her own vomit would've been made up for by the three or four years of stress free sexing before she keeled (2)
Chloe tho (2)
suspecting that Chevy Chase could never have been bothered to even come to set, and they probably just recorded his lines in a porno studio somewhere (2)
being Eiffel Towered by all of the walruses in the water park in order (2)
fuck marry kill, Jewel with poisonous breasts that lactate acid when she gets excited, Emma Watson but naked she's like a Barbie with no genitalia and weird articulation points, young Julie Newmar but you're a child and she's a pedophile who abuses you (2)
what you did to that hobo under the bridge (2)
just now reflecting on how utterly ridiculous it was to cast Patrick Stewart as a Frenchman (2)
getting a serious looking face tattooed on one boob and a man's body in miniature beneath with a speech bubble on the other boob and the words "I'm a breast man myself" simply to commit to a very involved joke (2)
fuck marry kill, Bulbasaur, Charmander, Squirtle (2)
rating Myke Hawke (2)
that you like your women like you like your coffee,, black (2)
saying "I just finished licking a pussy,,, and boy do I have a lot of hair in my mouth!" as a joke thinking the "hair in my mouth" would make people come to the comedic realization that you were licking a cat, totally forgetting vulvae have hair too, oops (2)
having to get up in five hours (2)
busking (2)
typical Lancastrian (2)
wanting to give Kento a butterfinger for his birthday (2)
incautiously falling for a witch (2)
Tupac Shakur's mom dies (2)
realizing that none of the birds that have become memes on the Regret Index taste very good (2)
guessing that at some point the Old Republic had an extreme State's Rights faction take power and basically gut the executive branch (2)
ranking your meat (2)
losing your dinosaur at a Virginity Jr concert (2)
fuck marry kill, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Bill the Pony (2)
Elmo porn (2)
fuck marry kill, Cheers, Wings, Frasier (2)
the two ingredients of squirming babies (2)
rating Ruth England (2)
fuck marry kill LaVar Ball, Lucille Ball, Ed Balls (2)
sleeping in the same bed as dago (2)
that intelligence generally has an inverse correlation with social skills (2)
learning just now that there's just one d in sodomizing (2)
tasting your own semen 'just to see what it's like' (2)
having to cancel Thanksgiving at your house because you had hyperekplexia (2)
it's no wonder he struggles to grasp the bigger picture (2)
being a minimalist (2)
wondering if a crappy personality quiz on a website calling you the female Shia LaBeouf would be grounds for defamation (2)
being unrapeable (2)
they aren't booing, they're saying "Boo ernie!" (2)
fuck marry kill, Winona Ryder, Ariel Winter, Jewel (2)
Cosby testifies for seven hours in abuse suit, lawyer says (2)
fuck marry kill, Bill Clinton, Bill Cosby, Bill from Kill Bill (2)
I voted for Camel McCamelface (2)
Eleanor strikes again (2)
believing in god (2)
hearing Lose Yourself playing over the speakers in a supermarket and wondering if it is part of a subliminal ad campaign to boost spaghetti sales (2)
wondering what they put in the nonvegan olive oil (2)
shton Kutcher's inability to play Ashton Kutcher convincingly (2)
mistaking RANDOM SHITTY ACTOR NOBODY CARES ABOUT for ANOTHER RANDOM SHITTY ACTOR NOBODY CARES ABOUT (2)
you should legally change your middle name to something really British like Crumpet or Boris or Benny Hill or something (2)
Rick Tailfeathers, Mayor of Duckburg (2)
Star Wars' plans to be a billion dollar movie with the help of toy sales (2)
The trouble with a 'scientific' argument, of course, is that it relies solely on empirical facts (2)
hooking up with this girl l met on the internet (2)
that you would totally bang Clarabelle over Minnie any day of the week (2)
comments that make no sense (2)
wondering if Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson ever considered naming his daughter Dog Paper (2)
that pictures can be hung, but people are always hanged (2)
Teen Choice Awards Colon Miley Cyrus explains her absence (2)
he was only nine years old so I doubt he caused much damage (2)
thinking that if Kento had hands that were just a little bit smaller, he would make a great "bottom" gay porn star (2)
thinking that if Kento ever snaps and does something terrible to other people instead of just himself, Ryan would hand over our IP addresses in a heartbeat (2)
eating roast beef off of your own boobs (2)
doing it without lubrication (2)
I get it (2)
the death of Garry Marshall (2)
filling the bath tub with your own fecal matter and drowning a man in it (2)
straddling Kento and pounding his bottom (2)
back in the nineties when getting caught with your dick in a hooker's mouth was a big deal but not a career killer (2)
meeting Brian Knobbs (2)
wondering how many people ever got a tattoo of shtn Ktchr and how that's working out for them (2)
the death of Kento (2)
Stonehenge stones 'spent centuries erected in Wales' before being transported (2)
having a sudden impure thought to milk Winona Rider (2)
the incident has left me feeling tainted and worried that if I am caught short in similar circumstances there maybe someone hiding in the bushes filming me (2)
shooting Jackson C Frank in the eye with a pellet gun when you were a kid (2)
feeding a recurrent neural network with the scripts for every episode of F#R#I#E#N#D#S# (2)
victory (2)
Jabba the Hutt Colon The Art of the Deal (2)
being Super Ted (2)
Which Leonardo DiCaprio Character Is Your Soulmate (2)
wondering what the criteria one uses to judge one's success as a huge breasted poker playing seventeen year old bikini model goth are (2)
I'm sorry (2)
bottoming for Beef Blastbody in The Fissure King VII (2)
he smashed too hard (2)
furry calk milk, Jenny , Sleigh Hero, Lewd Cunt (2)
freezing a lump of peanut butter in secret, just to see what would happen (2)
reading that Julian Assange's internet has gone down and Wikileaks believes this was done by "a state party" and thinking no, it's probably his fucking printer shitting up the homehub, or his FourG dongle provider doing upgrades and crippling coverage (2)
fuck marry kill, ten lords a leaping, seven swans a swimming, two French hens (2)
driving your snowblower so hard it explodes in Winter (2)
hot hairy girls (2)
I should really get some sleep (2)
meating J's wife, then finishing off on J's mom (2)
seeing that horse get yelled at by that lazy yuppie bimbo for touching her son when the horse just stopped him from running out into traffic because the yuppie mom was too busy playing with her iPhone to pay attention (2)
shaving my ladyparts (2)
Bleachy and the Brit (2)
do you have any idea how much it costs to qualify as a padawan, let alone a Jedi Knight (2)
Kento "Dick Dick Dick" Ikeda (2)
Kento's nude, dismembered, entirely shaven corpse being found in a locker at a Topeka bus station last Friday (2)
breasts (2)
that one of rachel's best friends is a moderately famous softcore lesbian movie star (2)
once the dj lets it spin it'll penetrate your skin (2)
just now getting that the "T" in "Mr T" stands for "trouble" (2)
The Gay Sisters (2)
fearing that Ryan will come back, look at the comments, and assume that his regret site has turned into the next grindr (2)
I want the BEST WOMAN, but I need the WORST CAT (2)
wondering who the hell eats a four pound cake (2)
also not really wanting to talk to Gemma because apparently she lives with Ben, who last you heard was stealing cars for a living (2)
in light of the horrible attack in Nice, France, I have postponed tomorrow's news conference concerning my vice presidential announcement while I think of something worse than losers to call the French (2)
this is a California Cheeseburger (2)
it you cut down the tree the hedges get more light (2)
wanking to youth porn, hi (2)
trying to conceive of the enormity of a crime or series of crimes that would mandate incarceration for a billion years (2)
hey guys, remember the Scissor Sisters (2)
not eating the fucking rice (2)
suggesting the Karate Kid series for your next movie binge, because The Karate Kid III is one of the greatest movies of all time (2)
sqoou!ug Jamal's doods (2)
a cheeky Nando's (2)
Kento came in and wrote one one seven seven three two and someone else with real feelings came in and regretted heart to hearts and there may have been an australian (2)
i imgur com oneZuIsixmz jpg (2)
needing to fuck a midget on your deathbed (2)
Trump wants a much nigger navy (2)
when they made Stephen Fry, they broke the mould, and then they used it to make Kento (2)
delivering Kento's package (2)
putting the ass in Jurassic Park (2)
language (2)
this extra who just has POOOOOOOOP written on her clothing (2)
really wishing journalists would write "his passion became aroused" instead of "he got angry" (2)
that you vow that from now on you will not write any sexual regrets about Kento (2)
that's weird, last night I dreamed that someone came to my home and made me his thirteenth spouse, and Kento was telling me he got fucked thirteen times last night (2)
guessing that the broad premise of Holy Hal is that a three hundred pound man falls in love with a three hundred pound woman, but he sees her as a nine hundred pound woman and helps her achieve those gains (2)
star whackers (2)
using an oil based lubricant during really hot sex (2)
Scientists Bust Myth That Our Bodies Have More Bacteria Than Human Cells (2)
Vader's Redemption Colon The Imperial March in a Major Key (2)
not realising that the best way to get a British bird to drop her knickers is to do bottomlessly stupid things, crikey (2)
wondering what Courtney Cox spent so much money on that she still has to work (2)
that the moon is lOO% SUPER HOMOSEXUAL (2)
remember Trump, he's back, in GOP form (2)
The entire refrigerator was smeared with what appeared to be a sludge of some sort, varying in color from red to yellow to black (2)
that a duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm, prompting the bartender to ask "cash or charge" regarding the duck's payment method, to which the duck responds "just put it on my bill" (2)
everybody is out of my league (2)
that it's pretty much just racism (2)
having an apparently false memory of a scene in Jurassic Park where Laura Dern sticks her arm up a dinosaur's ass and wondering where it came from (2)
shooting day for night (2)
sucking her left one until she had a breastgasm (2)
testing a hypothesis (2)
touching Leighton Meester's shit (2)
she was tearing your teeth out with puckish glee and her inhumanly strong fingers the whole time (2)
I don't drink coffee (2)
no one ever died from mowing a hot cunt (2)
Sixty One Percent Of Americans Pee In The Shower (2)
old speckled hen (2)
Thant (2)
#walrusgate (2)
this ass (2)
to avoid complications, she never kept the semen dress (2)
a chilling vision of the end of humanity (2)
provocative and emotional pokemon (2)
not knowing offhand when babies begin teething (2)
Any candidate for the presidential election in the United States of America is welcome to receive a briefing from the Met Police on the reality of policing London (2)
wondering how a kid could possibly earn pesos (2)
Threepio does (2)
Drill My Gay Stepson! (2)
I have no frame of reference for a coffee can (2)
PokeMunchers (2)
special colon contributions (2)
to avoid constipation, she never crapped the same address (2)
guessing that Scarlett Johansson, and most actresses in general, have buttholes in most of the movies they're in (2)
wondering why it is that whenever an American newspaper seeks celebrity comments on an issue related to the UK they always cite JK Rowling first, and wondering if the Biritsh public likewise holds Ms Rowling's opinions in such esteem (2)
not having peed on Kento's face yet (2)
wondering if there is a special term for fisting two menstruating women at once (2)
banging a minor heroine butt (2)
getting Spice World instead of a Bananarama movie (2)
our foreign and domestic policy is mostly going to consist of walking into doors (2)
wondering why one's true love would give one eight maids a milking and a shit ton of birds, but no mammals for the maids to milk (2)
wondering why fat cats hold such great appeal for humans that, say, fat dogs don't (2)
really wishing you'd spent the past few years learning how Adobe Audition works and putting together odd little tracks instead of you know jerkin it to all that porn and such (2)
chinnery (2)
taking the hugest dump (2)
I have had a golden shower before from a woman and it burned my eyes (2)
demisemihemidemisemiquavers (2)
you might have met someone who would possibly have been your Mr Miyagi but he was heavily fined for employing illegal immigrants and you kind of lost track of him (2)
having three Kentos but not being able to train them to do anything except Eiffel Tower each other (2)
Starsuckers (2)
your new dildo being too big for you (2)
Werewolf Colon The Apocalypse (2)
the only fruit juice you had on han was Naked Green Machine (2)
that there is an alarming level of Scooby Doo related pornographic fanart out there, and sure you can say that about anything, but Scooby Doo seems to lend itself particularly well to the fantasies of perverts for some reason (2)
wondering if there is an alternative cut of Her where Pedomustache Twombly furiously beats his meat, pausing only to order his hapless AI to "say more sexy stuff" (2)
Ariel Winter "Begging" Boyfriend To Get Her Pregnant "ASAP" Is Made Up (2)
not, "per woman", that would be stupid, there's only one and a half gallons in each woman on average (2)
wondering whether you would rather have sex with Dickgirl Jewel or Fatworld Jewel, but not knowing whether your desire to spoon Jewel's boobs would outweigh your love of women by the pound (2)
Go Ikeda alone having orally serviced over seven thousand men since the typhoon hit (2)
inside of Bananarama it's too dark to read (2)
realizing that out of your entire high school graduating class, you're probably the only heterosexual woman who is still a virgin and is NOT a hard core Christian (2)
Chris Lydon Grabs Kento's Crotch in Attempt to Show Paparazzo What He Really Thinks (2)
seeing an ad that you truly have no fucking idea what it's trying to say (2)
we should send him fanmail (2)
privatizing Ryan's privates (2)
Margaret Hilda Thatcher's thick carpet of pubes (2)
Dog With A Butt Plug (2)
watching fifteen year old David Blaine "tricks" (2)
Winona Ryder is an American actress, most famous for her roles in Beetlejuice, Dracula, and The Crucible (2)
this ad (2)
David Pumpkins being less amusing than advertised (2)
Air China receives criticism in the United Kingdom after it releases an advertisement warning passengers from visiting areas of London populated by blacks, Indians and Pakistanis (2)
fucking ass (2)
fuck date kill, Earthlink, a straight guy, Sylvia Browne (2)
that most of the music of the nineties seems to have been droning repetitive crap (2)
seriously having no clue what the fuck Kento's problem is (2)
hi kento (2)
liking your women like you like your presidents, black (2)
you mom sucking dicks that don't have cash (2)
wondering why big red dogs hold such great appeal for humans that, say, big red cats don't (2)
still not having seen Teacakes Frown, eh, or Goo En Rue (2)
being the second most voted on regret, but only being the fourth most discussed slash spammed on regret (2)
breaking up with a girl because she didn't believe you when you said your cookie recipe was better with shortening than with butter (2)
Pennsylvania Court Says Alien Romps Aren't Public Records (2)
being allowed to choose five celebrities you're allowed to fuck when there were only four Golden Girls (2)
seeing that horse working its way through college as a Starbucks barista being brought to tears by a rude, abusive customer after the horse dropped their mocha latte (2)
telling the potatoes joke (2)
SPOILER ALERT Kento dies after getting Eiffel Towered by Lex Luthor and the Death Star (2)
love cuts just like a knife (2)
wondering where the plot of Firefly would have gone if it had survived longer as a series, instead of being canceled and resurrected as a movie (2)
Thirty Nine Percent Of Americans Shower In The Pee (2)
doing Bryce Dallas Howard (2)
because it's American made (2)
that a year from now, the Regret Index will just be a couple of idiots snickering about pornstar names over and over, plus ca change (2)
being c%l (2)
wondering how hard it would be to program a self driving car to seek out and collect Pokemon for you (2)
Salmon milk comes from the males (2)
demanding respect from a machine (2)
wondering if it's too late to keep Alicia Silverstone in a curio cabinet so that you may marvel at her at your own leisure (2)
ICheckRaise (2)
the man, the legend (2)
drawing a picture of Elmo dumping a bucket of frozen walrus semen on Fireman Paff's head, killing him instantly (2)
that whenever you hear talk of enchiladas you imagine this scene (2)
wondering who we should get to play the President in our Hand Job Robot Apocalypse movie (2)
I use my anus (2)
basically the first Matrix was kind of OK hokum, then the two sequels were showy garbage that drew heavily on Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's technology and probably reference a whole bunch of shit I don't care about (2)
elbowing the president in the face (2)
Rick Moranis (2)
Home Alone The Return of the Wet Bandits establishing higher production values and a more convincing plot than Home Alone IV just thirty seconds in (2)
never getting around to building that sex dungeon (2)
Harrison Ford injured in peach snarl (2)
when did we get like this (2)
all star by smash mouth (2)
being poor and buying lottery tickets regularly because shit, it's not like Richard "My island burned down so I had to forego holding models for nearly ten seconds" Branson has any to spare that wouldn't be terribly missed (2)
Music From Another Room is a romantic comedy that follows the exploits of Danny, a young man who grew up believing he was destined to marry the girl he helped deliver as a five year old boy when his mother's best friend went into emergency labor (2)
spooning Jennifer Aniston's boobs (2)
boys have a penis, girls have a vagina (2)
Child found dead in Fenton colon Woman arrested (2)
that you would like your corpse to be partially dried, sealed in some type of resin, then popped like popcorn (2)
Significant works of Rene Auberjonois are on public display at the Aargauer Kunsthaus, the Kunstmuseum Basel, the Cantonal Museum of Fine Arts in Lausanne, the Kunsthaus Zurich and the Werner Coninx Stiftung (2)
Kento being banned from the Regret Index (2)
flying All Nippon Airways (1)
The Shining really is a great name for a romcom (1)
that whenever you hear talk of Danish lace you imagine this scene (1)
leaving mould in a mug for so long that when you finally got round to washing it, it sprayed a blue cloud around the kitchen on contact with water and made you sneeze (1)
that it is impossible to be "so alone" because "alone" is an absolute (1)
in the winter time when the weather is low you still get drunk even on the road (1)
this freakin horse (1)
fuck marry kill, Diane, Rebecca, Carla (1)
Martian Anus (1)
those times when you have a really intense, meaningful dream, and you try to explain it to other people but it comes out looking boring and retarded (1)
wondering if Home Alone IV is canon to adamDRIVER (1)
I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell (1)
playing "Ebony and Ivory" on a grisly violinlike instrument whose strings are made from the penises of James Avery, Reginald VelJohnson, Ewan McGregor, and Liam Neeson, and which is played using a bow made from Chris Lydon's bizarre, striated, earthwormli (1)
ashley simpson naked pictures (1)
going to that Sausage Festival (1)
Sopor Moroo Bros (1)
feeling like you've really missed out on the smartphone era by not having sex and putting it in cloud storage like a normal person, but consoling yourself with the knowledge that some guy probably had a good look through your webcam without you knowing (1)
fuck marry kill, Jessie, James, Meowth (1)
doing everything, if you know what I meat (1)
Impressing Any Woman With Big Dick (1)
finding a charming map on wikipedia that appears to be a ten year old girl's social studies homework (1)
we're gonna build a walrus pool and make the walrus pay for it (1)
I didn't know they made T cup bras (1)
not being a big gay guy (1)
wondering, and not for the first time, what the fuck is wrong with us (1)
Kento's golden ratio (1)
Terrorists caught in bikinis after performing bizarre midnight drag routine in the jungle (1)
that Betty White is in her nineties (1)
that your support of and fondness towards the homosexual community gets mistaken as homosexuality by the straight one (1)
giving a hand job to the Smoothie King on request (1)
Mike Pence tweeted that calls to ban Muslims from entering the US are "offensive and unconstitutional" (1)
the relentless progress of the spambot (1)
anyway, if "fisting or being fisted by a Star Trek cast member" is on your bucket list, I'm pretty sure that Takei would oblige you either way (1)
enjoying Patty Duke (1)
it's hard to grasp (1)
GOOGLE AVRIL LAVIGNE (1)
nobody mentioning rachel in a regret yet (1)
going into the future, seeing the apocalypse, going back in time and being turned into an Iron Man on the way, who can't then communicate what you have learned of the possible doom of the planet to the humans of the present day, so yo go mad and start cho (1)
creating a script that just prints CHARMING twice and terminates (1)
camgirling (1)
windowless vans (1)
watching Black Mirror because of the pig thing but being three episodes in and thinking it's much less clever than it thinks it is (1)
spitting blood when you brush or floss (1)
Animorphs, the most beautiful lie (1)
wondering what will become of the US Army's storied Fifty Seventh Dickgirl Brigade (1)
that's the dumbest joke I've ever made (1)
It's the Great Blumpkin, Charlie Brown (1)
fuck marry kill, Harambe, Binti Jua, Jambo (1)
that apparently it's okay to photoshop dicks into the mouths of some women but not others (1)
sucking her left TWO until she had a breastgasm (1)
fuck marry kill, Myke Hawke, Bear Grylls, James Wesley, Rawles (1)
wondering how Gary Fisher is taking all of this (1)
always imagining Kento to be a neat freak (1)
TRUMP SPORTS (1)
you're gonna miss me when I'm gone (1)
taking your best girl out to dinner at Chuck E Cheese (1)
a landslide of Edward Snowden (1)
ODD (1)
this is exactly what I'm talking about, Eleanor has obviously programmed the Mk VII to choose banging a door and actually getting off on it over any kind of sexual activity with me, that whole site is a scam (1)
A woman was shot in the vagina and left with "life changing injuries" in a sex game gone wrong (1)
rewriting Regret Index Colon the Movie as Two Jerk Guys (1)
this is now difficult to interpret (1)
Kento Diet Can Ruin Your Rectum, Podcasters Say (1)
that it's really hard to hold those cups in your hooves (1)
Our heroes don't look like Matt Damon, they look more like Leo DiCaprio (1)
the singer of the Pokemon Battle Frontier theme song sounding like Tom Petty (1)
Selling black puddings, a penny a pair (1)
filthy experiences (1)
this guy right here (1)
misleading the Senate, that's a paddlin' (1)
constructing a simulacrum of a nude Hulk Hogan using several large hams, a pile of loose straw, and a baby carrot (1)
the extreme danger of getting trichinosis from walrus meat (1)
nobody measuring dickgirl Rachel Stevens in a regret yet (1)
going mad and starting cho (1)
bottoming for Ronnie O'Sullivan in Two Fisted Snookering VII (1)
hypnagogic jerks (1)
knowing the Foreign Lydon wouldn't even ask (1)
Cumbag Steve (1)
being the map (1)
Mortal Kombat Two Colon Annihilation (1)
having a sudden, weird flashback to the library in you small home town (1)
liking your women like you like your steak, blue (1)
fuck marry kill, Los Angeles out of Blade Runner, New York out of The Fifth Element, whatever shithole that's supposed to be out of the Spice Up Your Life music video (1)
'The Movie Where Matt Damon Starves on Another Planet' Wins Comedy Award at Golden Globes (1)
Another Slingshot Ride, Another Wet Cunt (1)
RUUUUN! GOOOO! GET TO DA PODRACER! (1)
Luke McCarthy, XXVIII, is said to have made a woman drink his blood before sinking his teeth into her thigh (1)
Pool McCortnoo ond Wongs (1)
Jennifer Love Hewitt's Boobs Worth $five Million (1)
the fact that Gene Roddenberry is no longer alive to clarify the positions of Fictional Marina Sirtis's breasts (1)
the fact of almost incestuous breeding (1)
kind of wanting to write a novel, and then accidentally having it turn into a semiautobiographical allegory (1)
all those bad things we said about Bono a while back (1)
I cannot conceive of such a thing (1)
Nabooian nerve knockers (1)
that you once wrote "bite my shiny metal ass" into a four hundred year old book, just because you could (1)
a cum fart tsunami of Edward Snowden (1)
which active actors have eaten the most cod in the past decade (1)
shootin' some bystanders outside of the school (1)
who are you his mother (1)
wondering whether Alfonso Ribeiro is the black Alex Winter or Alex Winter is the white Alfonso Ribeiro (1)
I am proud to be an NBA referee and I am proud to be a gay man (1)
oh so no one was gonna tell me there was a big senior penis behind my ass for my head pictures (1)
going for a four whore drive (1)
Kento, in a lime green thong, being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon in a lime green thong and a walrus in a lime green thong (1)
fuck marry kill, Gene Hackman, Gene Hunt, Gene Talia (1)
remembering way back on THIS 'dex when we hit TWENTY thousand regrets and it seemed like an absolutely mindboggling impossible number (1)
skin (1)
An MEP from Denmark's centre right ruling party has defected in protest at government plans to seize valuables from refugees to help fund their stay in the country (1)
having a concept for an audio book series in which you actually read the book in real time, just not out loud, and offer the resulting audio unedited for sale, but not living anywhere quiet enough to do it even if you still had the means to record it (1)
Look but just wishing someone you showed interest in would and day show interest in you (1)
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (1)
Dipsy (1)
fuck marry kill, James A Garfield, Andrew Garfield, Garfield (1)
noting that it seems that Kento and rachel often show up at the same time and suspecting once again that they are the same person (1)
not fighting for the rights of other people to post video of you banging your friend's wife on the internet (1)
not being able to make things right (1)
seeing a picture of Winston Churchill in a skintight bathing suit that clearly outlines his cock and balls (1)
having never seen any of the new Batman films because they came out after Star Wars Colon Episode II Colon The One That Made You Stop Wanting to Go to Movies (1)
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Penn Jillette and a camel (1)
wondering whether Trump was bragging or y'know actually bragging about shooting a man in the middle of fifth avenue (1)
the idea that what we're doing right now is really remarkable or important just because, as far as we know, we haven't done it before (1)
snapping teeth out of my jaw after a failed pass attempt (1)
Let me hear the sound you'd make if you were slashed in half by a sword (1)
not wanting to be a dick but also wanting to know who actually calls it Beef Burgundy, Beef bourguignon, boeuf bourguignon, or boeuf a la Bourguignonne, not boeuf a la duche de Bourgogne (1)
spending an evening drinking Tropicana, watching Oz and the twentieth episode of season three of TNG for no reason (1)
just kind of going "oh, that" (1)
that all the golden tickets went to white kids (1)
replacing all vowels with o (1)
a great and incredible unit of eight individual females brought together by common interests of wine, cheese, and dark chocolate among many other indulgences (1)
M Knight Shyamalan (1)
hot dark matter (1)
I use my penis (1)
Earthworms the size of a baby snake, weighing as much as a small mouse, have been discovered on the Isle of Rum (1)
you pay Miyagi (1)
Luke Starmuncher (1)
dat boi!!!! (1)
Afro Samurai (1)
you're the expert on that (1)
Oliveira booted the teen out of the room they were sharing at the Olympic Village in Rio so she could enjoy a "marathon sex session" with Brazilian canoeist Pedro Goncalves (1)
which active actors have eaten the most cock in the past decade (1)
the dummies inside the phonebooth when it transits into the time circuits on Bill & Ted (1)
hearing from the internet that a TNG reboot is in the works and not knowing what to believe (1)
Dew Dork Tiggerwillies (1)
feeling like a potentially less effects heavy and more kid friendly X Man would be Miceman (1)
Lucy Liu kneads dough with boys at a reinsertion center in Goma, Democratic Republic of Congo (1)
damne (1)
that you should always eat balls in pairs (1)
All The President's Covfefe (1)
the tedium of a porno film you've never seen but already know the boners of the plot to (1)
any hole's a gold (1)
seeing a photo on wikipedia and wanting to give it the alternate title of "The Evolution of Guys Who Hang Around Children's Playgrounds Too Much" (1)
Harold Pinter writing a harlequin play starring Hayden Panettiere licking HP sauce off of Harry Potter's hard penis (1)
Miley Cyrus is Full of Spunk (1)
winning Oasis (1)
titter, the porno version of twitter (1)
regrets about pony blowing (1)
wondering whether Sesame Street has dialed back Elmo since the Kevin Clash scandal (1)
being the hardest man in Ireland (1)
guessing that Peppa Pig just has Pedro Pony put it in her butt to avoid getting pregnant with some kind of equuporcine abomination (1)
A raid is underway at Google's (1)
imagining Her to be a female version of Him from Powerpuff Girls (1)
I, Zach Assymoth (1)
putting things directly in Squirrel Girl's ass (1)
inexplicably weeping while touching a little girl down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain (1)
having a sudden, weird flashback to the librarian in you (1)
separating the men from the boys at a NAMBLA convention (1)
the Pope's movie reviews are considered infallible (1)
that all the golden tickets went to white dogs (1)
screwing everything up so badly (1)
seriously, we should unionize (1)
shooting your infant child into space (1)
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly (1)
Martin Anus (1)
Bono's dog can't get an erection (1)
google just being one big fucking swan (1)
not remembering the time we established that Kento has an annual sodomy session with David Cameron, but not doubting it did occur (1)
fuck marry kill, Will Smith, Robin Williams, Shaqille O'Neal, Barbara Eden (1)
for me it's always going to be NPor, closely followed by RSte and EJac (1)
the world is not a tangled knot of failure (1)
fusing Jennifer Lawrence with Jennifer Garner (1)
smashing the canoptic jar containing Kento's penis, so that his spirit will be impotent in the afterlife (1)
I don't want to being a mystery (1)
naming your raggy do (1)
seeing the picture of David Jeffers and wondering how Adam Duritz and Tim Curry managed to keep their love child secret all these years (1)
Colon Trump, MD (1)
never really understanding the appeal of Bill Murray (1)
my ass for my senior pictures (1)
giving the chariot to Lucy Lui and Lucy Liu (1)
Iran Contraception (1)
The Hurt Focker (1)
retiting early (1)
eating two huge slices of beef pizza (1)
never having had a boyfriend, as you are a heterosexual male, although that doesn't explain why you've never had a girlfriend (1)
that what Return of the Jedi needs is a shot of Nien Nunb's widow tearfully weaping over his photo after he died due to a black alert at Dantooine General Hospital years after the Battle of Endor (1)
suspecting that all the spam comments are going to break the 'dex again (1)
Queen Elizabeth II caught on camera calling Chinese officials 'faggots' (1)
feeling like you need to sleep with one eye open (1)
viewing Cold War era scaremongering apocalypse porn with the same "I'm so glad I'm not dumb enough to fall for this" attitude as, say, Kirk Cameron's Colon Saving Christmas (1)
putting a little false foreskin on your penis when you disguise yourself (1)
A gerbil has been found alive in the anus of an actor whose career burned down five years ago (1)
eating asparagus, then the hugest dump that smells exactly like asparagus (1)
my spoon is too big (1)
Anne Hathaway beats the paparazzi to confirm pregnancy (1)
not being able to believe it's not butter (1)
the Hogwarts Raping Hat (1)
The brawl continued backstage with Cool and Jesus eventually getting in a car and speeding out of Gund Arena (1)
sniffing markers (1)
USA (1)
Rick Astley is probably not going to be my best friend by Monday afternoon (1)
An Ohio entrepreneur has filed an application to trademark the name of Harambe (1)
Any one who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eye are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light, which is true of the mind's eye, quite as much as of the bodily eye (1)
Wet Horny Annie declines to answer whether he still engages in sexting (1)
that "Kento" is actually a ten thousand year old Sumerian demon that prolongs its existence by possessing human hosts, gradually turning them overweight and socially retarded until they kill themselves, then moving on to a new host (1)
bride fancier's lament (1)
not being able to think of a better name for a gay porn star than "Vin Diesel" (1)
Transsexual Eliot (1)
Operation Paperclip (1)
let who who has never sexually harassed and raped record breaking numbers of women over a span of four decades cast the first stone, amirite (1)
I came very close to writing that one (1)
twelfth of never on the sand (1)
seeing a meme showing a physical resemblance to Biff Tannen and wondering whether there was actually some kind of thing like that going on, like he went back in time and gave a copy of "New York Real Estate Trends of the Twentieth Century" to his grandfat (1)
the death on the set of Welsh Rape Caress I all but guaranteed the shelving of Welsh Rape Caress II (1)
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Really Tough Birth' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source (1)
#fresherelfshitanalgate (1)
swimming in the same tank as Kento (1)
I thought you'd stopped that chopshop body mutilation stuff (1)
shaving a twelve inch gungan (1)
incorrectly guessing Jonathan Avildsen to be a Stunt Man Actor rather than A Terrible Actor Whose Dad Directed The Movie (1)
having no idea what a klinoppe is (1)
wondering if Prince realized how rich he was (1)
wondering how many people are walking around right now unaware that they have a bifurcated colon (1)
butt bustin' makes me feel good (1)
Easy D (1)
rumour swept London that a pig faced woman was living in Marylebone (1)
Raccoon Tit Rape Inn (1)
drinking alone during the day (1)
figuring Ryan will drop by and nuke the comment database again at some point (1)
there ain't no way a stingray is gonna penetrate all that boob meat (1)
dat boi (1)
Unreclusive Rapist has modified the restraint system on some of the seats to accommodate smaller guests (1)
getting a job as a Kento buggerer (1)
she orders that coffee be boiled for five days, ready for their anniversary (1)
Monchhichis (1)
looking at porn (1)
your body is a wonderland (1)
fuck marry kill, bustin', buskin', breastgasm (1)
Ten Thousand Top Blondes (1)
how lame and folksy a lot of Guns n Roses sounds to your adult ears (1)
reading comments on the internet anywhere, ever (1)
loving Canada (1)
honestly, fuck Sting (1)
fuck marry kill, FDR, JFK, LBJ (1)
Apple Colon give us your fuckin' money (1)
drawing a picture of Kento being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus (1)
hoping that the make a Pokemon based on the candiru (1)
Nens "Hasty" Chrideen, of the Great Empire of D'C'Naa, he (1)
wondering who'd win in a kangaroo semen drinking contest, Andrew Zimmern or Anthony Bourdain (1)
hitting Big Jake (1)
Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up! Did we lose a war (1)
that the fifth Google result for "Bicoid Babe" is "Bicoid Babe's asshole fountain" (1)
learning to say 'where is the bathroom' in every language so that when people ask if you speak any given language you can say "I don't know much, but I know 'where is the bathroom', that may be all I need to know" (1)
regrets, perod (1)
monstrous pike (1)
seeing a skittles commercial where a woman kisses a walrus (1)
Man Eats CCLV Peeps in V Minutes (1)
what list (1)
He liked to post innocent looking links that led to a photo of a My Little Pony doll he had jerked off on (1)
Kim Jong nam really looking like the Asian Dom Deluise (1)
having literally never heard of Robert Irvine until just now, cheerio (1)
wondering if Hey Jude is about Jude Law (1)
ogre pair (1)
having at least three sphincters on your face (1)
being too sexy for your car (1)
any damsel that's in distress be outta that dress when she meet Jim West (1)
that Dexy's Midnight Runners has some really good words contained in it, including sex, dudes, girth, and Sting, but not having the energy to find a full anagram (1)
managing to miss picture day almost every year in high school, and not being in any clubs, so that you weren't really in your yearbooks at all (1)
paddlin' the school canoe (1)
wondering if there is bad blood between John Goodfuck and Dong Goodman over who first had the idea of becoming a John Goodman parody gay porn star (1)
fuck marry kill, dickgirl Maya the Bee, Pedro Pony, Clifford the Big Red Dog (1)
wondering what your favourite meme is (1)
Bathynomus giganteus (1)
getting a job at Kento Burger (1)
wondering how Kento writes his name in kanji (1)
trendsbianism (1)
you say that, but it really couldn't be further from the truth (1)
stealing Paris Hilton's cake (1)
turtle ships (1)
rook takes buttocks, check and mate (1)
this is a rat burger (1)
National Orgasm Day (1)
William Hogarth with his Pug, Trump (1)
"terrible" China, "totally corrupt" Mexico, "a total mess big crime" Germany (1)
pizza is the best food (1)
It was not clear if Team Clinton sought to publicize the photo to show Sanders, a champion of the working class, at an exclusive locale or if the goal was to circulate an unflattering picture of a septuagenarian in a swimsuit (1)
sometimes missing taking baths as opposed to showering, because there's nothing quite as satisfying as farting in the bath (1)
that coming five or six times in about thirty hours makes it so difficult to masturbate (1)
the Island of the Virgin Presidents (1)
Orly (1)
Pokemon Extraordinarily Long Penises and Gonopores (1)
wondering what kind of things you often write so that "buggererbig" is in your autofill (1)
wishing you had better computer skills so you could make a "Look at this Braff" Nickelback video (1)
fuck marry kill, Courteney Cox's head on Jai Courtney's body, Jai Courtney's head on Courteney Cox's body, Courteney Cox except she has Jai Courtney's cock (1)
No Bollock S Club VII (1)
drawing a picture of Yentl being Eiffel Towered by Chris Lydon and a walrus, oy (1)
accidentally implying that Frank Sinatra had sex with his hot daughter (1)
EVACUATING bowels until they IMPLODE (1)
peg toodle pip pork, Simon Pegg, Pippa Middleton, Peppa Pig (1)
thinking you have brain cancer whenever you get a nosebleed (1)
animatio, a blowjob from a puppet (1)
wondering how Kento got over nine thousand followers on Twitter (1)
Pokemon Cum (1)
glove in you is medical malpractice, making no fault damages payments is all I wanna do (1)
why'd you move to France (1)
Oasis (1)
doing machines (1)
Utah judge calls ex Mormon ROOK convicted of rape a 'good man' (1)
watching Perfect Body and feeling like it would have been improved by a scene in which Andie attacks a mirror, believing she is a bag of Doritos, mortally wounding herself just prior to winning Olympic gold (1)
the death of Gary Shandling (1)
Some genius has finally invented vegan cola that doesn't taste like ape crotch (1)
I'm not a chick (1)
playing it til your fingers bled (1)
tweeting to a celebrity that you want to take a shit in their skull (1)
excellent (1)
Francesco Uttini (1)
riddling Scots with Ridley Scott (1)
In snooker, swapping the cue from one hand to the other in order to gain easy access to an oblique shot was long thought to be disrespectful, though more recently it has come to be accepted, especially since Ronnie O'Sullivan has dominated the world game (1)
maybe I wanted us to be exclusive, but I was worried about losing you, did you ever think of that (1)
seeing Demi Moore identified in an article as "the GI Jane tricking a straight guy into dating another straight guy star" then looking up her on imdb and realizing that her career has been dead for almost twenty years (1)
there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse (1)
Howard marks (1)
bird fancier's lung (1)
three dudes stone cold chillin' in a hot tub (1)
he just joined the pony club (1)
the two cartoon dicks JMW Turner painted on The Slave Ship (1)
telling Olive Garden you left all its crap in a box on the sidewalk on your smartphone, leaving out that you kept that sweater that still smells of Olive Garden's musk (1)
sith guy (1)
posters in the amazing Regret Index may be older than they appear (1)
Birds can be drawn to the scent of plastic (1)
Kim Kardashian West Had a 'Brutal Girthy Hole' Because of Placenta Complications Colon Source (1)
being followed on twitter by a guy named BLAZING HOMOSEX (1)
Topless female protesters manhandled after disrupting Islamic conference in France (1)
wondering which will prove the better movie, Teen Wolf Too or Mr Magorium's Whorehouse and Toystore (1)
having a dog named Buster (1)
saying "keep fucking that chicken" (1)
semen slander (1)
introducing the Amazon Prime Regret Index, same day remorse, free and unlimited (1)
really needing to get around to peeling off Kento's face bees (1)
that Sambo Chuppers was a horrifying chimera of Sarah, Jimbo Wales, chubb d, and Brian Peppers (1)
wondering if Trump's entire presidency is just a huge scheme to clean up by gambling on the date of his impeachment (1)
Shia LaBeouf Is Watching All His Movies At Angelika Film Center Right Now (1)
writing crappy dialogue (1)
taking those Thanksgiving themed erotic photos of Kento wearing nothing but a pilgrim hat and a turkey drumstick covering his genitals (1)
that we're almost out of people born in the nineteenth century (1)
horse to meet you (1)
talking about cunnilingus while performing cunnilingus (1)
hoping that Kento Claus, soaring through the Christmas night sky on his sleigh pulled by a team of flying walruses, delivers lots of depressing, lonely toys to your house this Christmas (1)
I and I gon give yuh dah axe, mon (1)
If you have a ticket for Wembley on Tuesday then it's time to learn La Marseillaise (1)
tweeting to a singer that you want to take a shit in her scanties (1)
Twin Boob Jobs #Two (1)
his face was made for punching, and that's just what you'll do, one of these days he'll get his face punched in by you (1)
fuck marry kill, Staci Keanan, Paul Reiser, Greg Evigan (1)
marrying young (1)
Annual Pony Rape Bout I (1)
the texture of a sponge cake is heavily influenced by the mixing technique (1)
the Mistake by the Lake (1)
okay there was one apparently (1)
wondering if a barbecue with Myke Hawke is all fresh killed bison cut apart with a hunting knife, scavenged tubers and roadkill, or brisket and hotdogs marinated in soda (1)
Twin Long Ronnies #Two (1)
I can't even put a finger on Uranus (1)
Barely Scald Geldof (1)
look at these cans (1)
the very idea of a mouth smashing contest (1)
wanking to elderly porn, hi (1)
blithely singing "La Marseillaise" in the back of a squad car (1)
chapped teats (1)
being in the unfortunate habit of falling for a pretty smile (1)
Cthreepios's enormous erection (1)
provocative and emotional lesbos (1)
answering the telephone with "fuck you" (1)
being b b bread, bread to the bone (1)
wanting a Predator vs Independence Day crossover just for the line "welcome to erf GET TO DA CHOPPA" (1)
drawing a picture of Kento sneaking into Arthur the Aardvark's bedroom late at night with rohypnol laced koolaid and a bunch of dildos (1)
really wishing somebody from the paralle universe where the Beatles Lord of the Rings movie was made would stop by and give a brief review because it sounds like it just might be the worst thing ever (1)
pitching an original sitcom in which Charles Martinet and Scott Baio play a prominently married couple who make a living playing traditional Mexican music, Mariochachi Band (1)
The posting notes that the assailant was "bouta fight her," followed by several emojis indicating that a person was laughing so hard she was crying (1)
having a kid named Buster (1)
infested spring (1)
that the world will end in two thousand twelve (1)
wondering who the regretter with the large orange cat is (1)
not having a jambalaya based on you (1)
that Demi Moore was thrice dominated for the MTV Movie Award for Most Desirable Female but lost all three times (1)
Wrecking Ball chatroulette version (1)
spurious precision (1)
compagnie 'elle' (1)
Letitia Dunbar Harrison (1)
the death of an eight year old child in Twickenham in MMXIII, who collided with a player of British bulldog while playing a different game (1)
that there is no scale akin to bra cup size to indicate the size of asses (1)
going down on Julio down by the schoolyard (1)
two legit two leak (1)
Jennifer Lawrence reveals the two words she wants to say to Donald Trump (1)
wondering whether the abdominal pain you've been experiencing is a sign of Kentometriosis (1)
poetry, fuck (1)
fuck marry kill, Maureen Flannigan, Donna Pescow, Burt Reynolds (1)
wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian icons in the same way that Judy Garland, Cher, et al are icons for gay men (1)
YOUR A BITCH (1)
I'd have called them chazzwazzers (1)
Surgeons create anus for girl born without one (1)
going all the way to Butts County and not even meeting the Count of Butts (1)
When you turn the Trump Pence logo upside down, it literally looks like a handjob (1)
opening the door, getting on the floor, having dinosaur sex with agent fifty seven (1)
ONE Rachel Steven, ah, ah, ah, TWO Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah, THREE Rachel Stevens, ah, ah, ah (1)
delicious artisanal sandwiches (1)
fuck marry kill, Princess Madeleine, Tinky Winky, Steve Harwell (1)
trying to find a Christ figure in every work of fiction, including McDonald's commercials (1)
having impure thoughts about a teenage Danica McKellar (1)
Trump should deport Nikki Haley (1)
Kento's testicular mass (1)
Donald Trump praises Scots for "taking back control of their country" by voting overwhelmingly to remain in the EU (1)
betting your right nut on a pair of jacks (1)
having a cardboard booty (1)
wondering what Bear Grylls spent so much money on that he still has to eat nutsacks (1)
you should have eaten your crusts (1)
the Imgurian daguerreotype of the horny podcaster (1)
wearing your genitals on the outside (1)
the player who walked in on two long rods (1)
wondering if there was something in the recent comments that finally got Ryan a cease & desist letter (1)
getting yo dick rode all night (1)
getting Byron sauce all round your mouth and down your chin and a little bit on your thighs and some in your hair and a streak over your shoulder with some spattered on your xhest and a thick blob across the bridge of your nose you dirty bitch (1)
Time Travelling Kento coming back to have sex with himself (1)
Han banged a Tim Burton heroine first (1)
Prince George tries to grab a bilby (1)
wondering if anyone has actually tried some of the sex acts listed on Urban Dictionary (1)
being a barmacist (1)
having a kid named Annyong (1)
not really NEEDING to fuck a midget on your deathbed, but wanting to (1)
I'm telling you that there is a one to one correlation between eating those raw red bell peppers and the burnt rubber farts (1)
Homos with meat (1)
there's no escaping the chores of the alien this time (1)
wondering if you have ever won any Oscars (1)
that canned asparagus looks like baby poop (1)
peeling a penis (1)
the secret sauce of America is innovation and entrepreneurship (1)
Californian Mayor Accused of Playing Pork Stripe With Minor at Youth Camp (1)
Meaty the Cock Elf (1)
fuck marry kill, Mahatma Gandhi, Indira Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi (1)
my recollection is that she assumes the main character's identity after his death (1)
which Disney Princess you are (1)
Oosos (1)
you awful, awful man (1)
eXXXteme edgy lesbian "that's what she said" jokes! (1)
the kid from Lazytown is a quarter of a century old (1)
that cut scene from THX OneOneThreeEight in which LUH ThreeFourOneSeven closes the bathroom cabinet too quickly and severs her other hand in the door (1)
having a surfeit of lampreys in the bathroom at church (1)
getting a weight off your chest (1)
I can call you daddy (1)
one pill makes you larger, and one pill Eiffel Towers you with a wal (1)
wondering whether there are any straight males who are lesbian (1)
finding a picture of Tim Duncan swimming with a beluga (1)
falling down the rabbit hole of youtube song mashups (1)
being raped by a midget (1)
I want to fuck you like q mineral (1)
bigger penis (1)
thinking that Balkanization in the Balkans was inevitable due to their name (1)
begged incest (1)
fuck marry kill, Lauren Tom, Kiana Tom, Tom of Finland (1)
laughing as you hew a rough wooden dildo for Mary Chapin Carpenter (1)
taking holiday in Brownsville (1)
look at this ass (1)
getting through boring movies by reading things on another device whenever your attention wanders (1)
BAD TEETH NO BRA (1)
wondering why the British version of American Gladiators wasn't called British Gladiators, Cheerio, cheerio (1)
the War on Christmas (1)
secretly marrying someone who wakes up every night from nightmares (1)
wondering how long you stay conscious after being decapitated (1)
replicator meat (1)
homosexual father (1)
having sex with a doll that looked a lot like Jonathan Taylor Thomas (1)
the daughter in Home Alone V was also the murderous zombie girl in The Cabin in the Woods (1)
being a pregnant (1)
honestly wishing you could go back to the time in your life when anything could make you as excited as that crisp made that kid (1)
confusing hanukkah with bukkake (1)
it really would be too simple to turn a description of a horrible use of sex as a means of oppression into a regret about Kento, Chris Lydon,and walruses (1)
Donald 'Three Wolf Moon' Trump (1)
going home and worshipping the moon (1)
seeing a headline about Janet Jackson having a new tour and honestly thinking she was already dead (1)
unwittingly accepting an invitation to listen to nine sixth form girls talking about their bra sizes followed by the two next to you having a lesbian affair (1)
considering writing "fuck marry kill, Rachel, Phoebe, Monica" and then realizing that it is the easiest answer ever (1)
having no clue who Kento is (1)
liking your babies like you like your martinis, shaken (1)
Miley Cyrus 'Heals Physical and Emotional Pain' With Latest 'Bangerz' Tour Show After Death Of Pet Dog Floyd (1)
a beautiful summer's day (1)
V for Vladimir Putin (1)
mononymous singers (1)
not knowing what a thoul is (1)
Michael Jordan Gatorade "Is It In You" Commercial Outtakes! (1)
I have a very plastic sex unit erection (1)
people who say 'eff' instead of 'fuck' (1)
Ki Adi Mundi (1)
giant floppy cocks (1)
you die of unspecified illnesses (1)
in sixth grade, hearing a story where some girl supposedly got her first period after taking a hot bath and having sex (1)
snarfs TWICE your girth (1)
looking at pictures of naked ladies (1)
damn, I've been maintaining my amateur status because I want to dog in the Olympics (1)
just now realizing that you probably could have just poisoned the tea that you gave Obi Wan and Qui Gon, which they eagerly and willingly drank without so much as sniffing it, rather than trying to gas them (1)
wondering how the test went (1)
Mr Freeze (1)
wondering, in the admittedly unlikely event that you should have kids, how you could possibly explain to them the crazy Summer of Ninety Nine in which the Matrix and All Star were at the top of their respective fields (1)
buying a push up bra for the first time (1)
A Butt's Life (1)
Candide Thovex (1)
fuck marry kill, Fatworld Jewel, Dickgirl Jewel, and John Carpenter's The Thing Jewel (1)
I'm going to assume that you died (1)
kissing that boy in Ithaca (1)
wishing you were named Rob so that whenever you had sex with a woman you could shout "You just got Robbed!" (1)
fuck marry kill, Taylor Hanson, Zac Hanson, Isaac Hanson (1)
rating the third and fifth installments of Home Alone as the best in terms of acting, the third and first as the most original in terms of story, the first and second the highest in terms of set piece violence and endearing self awareness, and the fourth (1)
choosing Coldcock over Hawtnutz and Vagbush (1)
Anonymous man seeks a missed connection from nineteenseventytwo on CigarSlits (1)
Vatican sacks gay priest after highly public coming out (1)
Facegrindr (1)
forcing yourself too deep (1)
wondering if you're going through all the old regrets one by one to learn the history of the 'dex (1)
If you went back in time and told me that in the near future, one of the most nerd accessible directors would make an all female Ghostbusters reboot and it would become this bizarre hill to die on, I would have laughed it off (1)
going round the twist (1)
women in bikinis bring in donors by standing on a roadside with colorful cardboard signs or posters (1)
Report Colon Stephen Fry to Fist Prince William with Gay Rights Petition at BAFTAs (1)
that the regret index is no longer powered by regret (1)
cutting off a groin hourly (1)
He was subjected to sadistic ragging and in the postmortem a large quantity of tooth paste was found in his rectum (1)
wanting to change every reference to Middle East in someone's website to Middle Earth (1)
topping for Steve Harwell in Takin' the Back Streets VII (1)
the way that people at Wikinews pretend like they're actually journalists (1)
Meowth that's right! (1)
that wikipedia claims Eminem made extensive use of the feminine rhyme scheme in his early work, no homo (1)
groping breasts (1)
licking another man's genitals in a nonsexual way (1)
finding out that Richard Donner directed "Nightmare are Twenty Thousand Feet" (1)
that christopher lydon is the most handsome man on the planet and you will never look like him when you're old (1)
going bananas at a CE Ape gig (1)
It's World Emoji Day! Teen girls, code an emoji that's unique like you (1)
fuck marry kill, dead, asleep, dreaming (1)
David Dees (1)
The kind of situation when you are standing at a urinal looking like your doing something perverted because you can't find the opening to your underwear (1)
believing you can fly (1)
I'm gonna call you Charlie Brown (1)
not choosing the vegan life (1)
porking Leonard Nimoy in Hobbit Hole VII (1)
this is the worst website ever (1)
swans are metal (1)
wondering where that whole "eliminate liquid waste out of your genitals" thing came from (1)
Fifty Plates of Jaffles (1)
Quantum Rape (1)
fuck marry kill, Kim Kardashian, Kim Cardassian, Nicolas Kim Coppola (1)
Kento requires full rectal reconstruction after being Eiffel Towered (1)
your might in the slit (1)
having beautiful breasts (1)
wondering whether Home Alone III onward continued the trend in the first two of teaching young children that every creepy old person is actually really nice and has nothing but your best interests at heart (1)
Bob Wehadababyitsaboy (1)
fold over glans (1)
not being able to stop Kento putting radiation in little retarded kids' gonads (1)
Bononian Rufa fellates Rufulus (1)
being a guy that thinks he's fly and is also known as a buster (1)
honestly thinking that most people brushed their teeth in more less the same way (1)
talking about poop poop poop muzik (1)
wondering how many unique words appear in Butthumping but not enough to bother counting (1)
wondering why Chris Lydon needs to raise money on kickstarter even though he has the money to maintain a harem of fat gay Asian sex slaves (1)
getting mayonnaise all over your face (1)
The lady just looked at me, looked at my writing of mysterious formulae, and concluded I was up to no good (1)
going crabbing in Sheepshead Bay (1)
wankin' at the car wash (1)
The Town That Got Fucked By Bears (1)
Mr Barasch said the lab had shown that people were ready for cruel anal (1)
Donald Trump, Jr Says President Trump Would 'Get The Wall Started' in The First lOO Days (1)
nobody WANTS to deep throat Stephen Fry (1)
People got their local newspapers for next to nothing in exchange for allowing girdle ads to infiltrate their brains (1)
might The stress Be With You (1)
Pokemon Lying Flat Against the Ground and Run Away Like a Little Bitch (1)
The Bee Movie trailer but every time Cher tweets the volume increases lOO% (1)
your diet of verbal abuse and walrus spoff (1)
that's a helluva penis (1)
groping beasts (1)
Donald Trump's campaign slogan (1)
I'm standing here in pieces and you're having delusions of grandeur bottoming for Red VI in Millennium Porkins VI (1)
always misspelling sodomy (1)
in for a penny, in for a pound (1)
not choosing the wagon life (1)
that's quite the ask (1)
u musak qt (1)
Buttadeus (1)
there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world (1)
wondering why you would need orange socks (1)
Bert Harvest just kind of crept in there (1)
Five Hospitalized After Tony Robbins Urges Them to Walk Over Hot Coals (1)
such cow cum in a rape vial (1)
tattooing PENIS on your penis (1)
fuck marry kill, Kim Il sung, Kim Jong il, Kim Jong un (1)
wondering if it is still rape if you go back in time and prevent it from ever happening but retain the memory like in tv shows where they time travel (1)
drawing a picture of Uncle Phil taking the hugest dump on a pizza while Will goes Big Willie Style on the stuffed crust (1)
During their private White House meeting on Thursday, Mr Obama walked his successor through the duties of running the country, and Mr Trump seemed surprised by the scope, said people familiar with the meeting (1)
Popstar Colon Never Stop Never Stopping (1)
Carrie Fisher's dog Gary Fisher joined Instagram (1)
the rainbow ruse (1)
fall over dongs (1)
I guess we'll both be spending a week whale watching (1)
we're bullies (1)
that No Scrubs can basically be summed up as "poor people will die alone" (1)
once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back (1)
wishing you could have been a fly on the wall at the studio meetings where the producers kept trying to convince Peter Jackson to fit more Orlando Bloom into the Hobbits, probably going so far as to suggest having two Legolases on the screen at a time (1)
liking to know where you got the notion (1)
Sting playing the Seinfeld sting (1)
The Black Whores of DC (1)
hand fuck railroad (1)
I'm pretty sure you're going to be SUED into oblivion, in England (1)
fuck marry kill, sexual intercourse, marriage, homicide (1)
dropping Dubai on London (1)
wellie wanging (1)
setting s foils in attack position (1)
pingpu peoples (1)
Our heroes don't look like Matt Damon (1)
The next thing I know, I'm on the floor and my arms are paralyzed (1)
I agree but where are we going to find an animal with a large enough jaw (1)
wondering whether Angel Colon is the gayest name possible (1)
girl on girl sex during pregnancy (1)
bluh (1)
cushion for the pushin (1)
drawing a picture of Spiderman being Empire State Buildinged by Ayn Rand and Lord Byron (1)
this freakin dog (1)
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot (1)
wondering if Woody Allen and Roman Polanski hang out much imagining Bill Cosby's jello slicked O face looming over you (1)
Disco Fries (1)
divas can at least sing (1)
Maple Fever (1)
seriously wondering whether Bryan Adams knows how to pronounce 'Porsche' (1)
Will Smith's ability to read insipid raps from a script in a way that almost sounds like he cares (1)
sucking on dicks like twenty four seven all weekend (1)
Seal mating with a rusty set of bagpipes (1)
having an "oh shit, I could have just thrown this guy out the window twenty years ago" moment (1)
wondering what's wrong with jizzing on thousands of flutes and distributing them to ten year olds #kinkshaming (1)
You probably have herpes, the WHO says (1)
fuck marry kill, Shelley Long, Kirstie Alley, Rhea Perlman (1)
throwing a party and forgetting you invited Andrew Zimmern and having to drive all the way to Bulk Knackers to pick up ten pounds of llama cocks (1)
giving me fever when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight (1)
accidentally befriending the neighborhood skunk, who now, when she sees you, bounds over to you cheerfully in an alarming way, although it's really quite cute (1)
Man caught masturbating while watching The Emoji Movie (1)
that Kento's armor is Hardrock, and his Virtue is Gi (1)
that you'll never have a four way with Prairie Dawn, Rosie, and Granny Bird from Sesame Street, and sure, you could probably look up someone else's weird take on a frankly weird desire, but it's not the same (1)
Donald Trump, a billionaire son of New York City, did not make a single charitable donation to any of the not for profit groups that provided aid to survivors, rescue workers, or the families of cops and firemen who died trying to save others (1)
they're the worst (1)
getting a raw blow from Rob Lowe (1)
eiffeltower dot com (1)
Billing Kento's Murrays (1)
all the people getting head on graciefilms dot com (1)
Secundus likes to screw boys (1)
FBI Colon Tycoon Was Extorted By Gay Porn Star (1)
they ruin everything (1)
seeing a guy beg for change outside a suburban grocery store and simutaneously being suspicious and sad for him (1)
Gary Glitter signs to produce soundtrack for Meaty Six Incher Colon The Jared Fogle Story (1)
to be fair, although she looks like she could drown, she does turn that frown upside down (1)
remembering rachel as being legitimately great and wondering how it could be that she's still hanging around the regret index so much after so many years when she could do better (1)
seriously craving some Burger King, but not trusting the one by your house since he asked if you have a sister and whether she was "fun" (1)
sarongs (1)
helping your uncle jack off a horse (1)
realising that Juche has taken a hold of you and you have come to see Kim Jong il and Kim Jong un as the same Glorious Leader (1)
wondering if the listing of Avril Lavigne on Marilyn Manson's "associated acts" page is vandalism, or if they actually did collaborate on something (1)
His brother Khalid blew himself in the Brussels subway (1)
beeing (1)
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