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T-Rex: You face your opponent on an empty grid of nine spaces. All seems eminently fair: you have Xs, they have Os, but both marks function identically.

Narrator: TIC-TAC-TOE
Narrator: AS SHE IS PLAYED

T-Rex: However, what you DON'T know is if your opponent goes first, you have already lost, unless your opponent makes some very stupid moves. There is absolutely no way for the second player to force a victory.
Dromiceiomimus: It is a simple game and a solved game, and therefore, it is a pointless game. Optimal play results in a tie EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Utahraptor: It's a game with no upsides, only downsides - and you will end your game no richer for your effort, and poorer for the time it took.

T-Rex: Even if you go first, winning STILL depends on your opponent making an error. However children do not know this, and they are the VAST majority of Tic-Tac-Toe consumers, so if you've ever wanted to absolutely RUIN a child's day then WOW, do I have a game for YOU!!

T-Rex: ...
T-Rex: ...That game is basketball, by the way

https://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=4196

T-Rex: Okay, give me a prompt.
Off panel: You're at a holiday party.
T-Rex: Right. Okay. I start by noticing some of the hors d'oeuvres are li'l sandwiches.

T-Rex: I use that to segue into suggesting that "pizza is just an open-faced sandwich".

T-Rex: And when people are busy with THAT, it's easy to slide into the "pineapple on pizza, yes or no" discourse.
Dromiceiomimus: Surely at this point someone responds with "fruit doesn't belong on pizza".
T-Rex: Right?! And THAT'S the only crack I need to push the "tomato: fruit or vegetable?" debate through.

Utahraptor: Oh god, you two.
T-Rex: We are UNSTOPPABLE!!

T-Rex: So at this point while people are arguing definitions based on nutrition, botanical structure, or legal import/export status, we whisper "that guy said cereal's a soup" in one ear, "she thinks hot dogs are tacos" in another, slipping out before the first punch is thrown, free of all legal culpability.

Narrator: CONVERSATION AT PARTIES AS SHE IS PLAYED
T-Rex: As she is WON.
Narrator: AS SHE IS WON

https://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=3991

Narrator: RISK AS SHE IS PLAYED
T-Rex: In Risk you play as totalitarian heads of state who enjoy absolute loyalty from their armies!

T-Rex: And the only way to win is by taking over the entire world!

T-Rex: When you win most games of Risk end, the victor satisfied in their complete and utter victory. But those who have won Risk know the game doesn't end there. How can world domination succeed? You've taken over the world with military might, but asking all of Earth to accept your rule without revolution is too much. Revolution will come. And the day will arrive when you are unable to crush it.

Utahraptor: And your empire crumbles, as all empires must?
T-Rex: Exactly.

T-Rex: You must play again, trying to take over the world once more. If you win, you're haunted by the inevitable fall that must come. And if you lose, you're haunted by memories of your past victories. And so you return, once more, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into another game of Risk.

T-Rex: *sigh*
T-Rex: ...I plagiarized that last line but you get the idea

https://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=3111

T-Rex: From the emotionless machine, you select your weapon. There are many like it, but this one is yours.

T-Rex: The place is Earth. The year: THREE SECONDS FROM TOMORROW.

T-Rex: You feel the weight of 7.26kg of precision-engineered materials - constructed from acids, esters, and even organic compounds - as your hand settles inside it. Attached to the end of your arm is now as perfect a sphere as current technology and economics will permit to be built, all coated in a new reactive resin, invented solely to increase its - and therefore your - performance.

Utahraptor: For despite all its technology, a LIVING HOST is still required to fire this weapon.
T-Rex: PRECISELY.

T-Rex: You get as close to your targets as law permits. Though this is merely "practice", a dispassionate computer system still judges your performance and ranks you against your peers in the League. This is your moment. You focus.
Utahraptor: You aim.
T-Rex: You take a few steps forward, and...!

T-Rex: ...you huck the ball at some sticks of wood a little ways away from you!! But instead of hitting the pins it goes into the FRIGGING GUTTER.
Narrator: BOWLING AS SHE IS PLAYED
T-Rex: You decide to eat some weird nachos and drink overpriced beer instead, THE END

https://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=3055

T-Rex: You have an old hunk of plastic, and you don't want it anymore! So you throw it away. Littering's cool to you! Unfortunately, your garbage plastic is disc shaped such that it gathers lift when thrown with sufficient angular momentum!

Narrator: FRISBEE AS SHE IS PLAYED

T-Rex: But one of your friends is like "Yo, I'll take that", so they run like hell to catch it. But then they're like "Hold on, this is garbage, I don't want this either" and they toss it away too. And you're really excited - free garbage!! - so you run to catch it, only then you realize it's the same plastic you didn't want in the first place. Listen, I -
T-Rex: I think you guys might be touched in the head.

Utahraptor: Could this task be made more, oh I don't know, XTREME? Perhaps... ULTIMATE?
T-Rex: In fact it can!

T-Rex: Throw some modified football rules on top and now large groups of people can play "Who Wants The Garbage, I Do, Wait No I Don't".
Utahraptor: Ah.
T-Rex: We all must find our own path in life, Utahraptor, and for some it's playing "no, YOU throw it out" for points.

T-Rex: When the hunk of plastic IS finally successfully put in the garbage, its plastic molecules will last in the ecosystem for thousands of years.
Narrator: THE END

https://www.qwantz.com/index.php?comic=2781