T-Rex: Once upon a time there was a prince who still lived with his hoarder mom and who kept breaking up with his princess girlfriends for super trivial reasons. "Why can't I find a REAL princess?" he sighed.

Narrator: THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA

T-Rex: His mom agreed that the breakups were all definitely the woman's fault: they simply weren't princess enough. One day, a princess showed up at his place looking for shelter for the night! The mom had 40 mattresses on hand due to hoarding, so she put them all in a giant stack and said "Here, sleep on this."
Dromiceiomimus: The princess agreed this was a rational thing for her to sleep on.

Utahraptor: But there was a single pea at the bottom of the stack!
T-Rex: Yes, surprise! It was a single eponymous pea!!

T-Rex: The next day the princess claimed to have ACTUAL, PHYSICAL BRUISING from a tiny lump in her FREE BED TOWER. Obviously she was a garbage person. Due to sexisms the prince believed that her insane wimpiness was proof of true princesshood, so they were married. They deserved each other, and nobody should learn from their example.

T-Rex: Years later, his mother was found buried under a collapsed pile of mattresses.
T-Rex: The end!