T-Rex: Rising sea levels were threatening to drown coastal cities: the polar ice caps are melting!
T-Rex: Or rather, they WERE, until Superman blew on them with his freeze breath!
Dromiceiomimus: Oceanic levels dropped back to normal, and everything was great until we noticed how greenhouse emissions were causing warmer temperatures. The fate of the world again hangs in the balance!
T-Rex: Or rather, it DID, until Superman pushed the planet slightly away from the sun, reducing temperatures back to their normal levels!
Utahraptor: But moving a planet was akin to creating a global earthquake, causing massive structural collapse.
T-Rex: DANG IT!
T-Rex: Uh, "Dang it" Superman said, fixing the buildings at super speed before they fell over all the way.
Utahraptor: Meanwhile, the hole he'd created by pushing FIVE SEPTILLION KILOGRAMS with his BARE HANDS went all the way to the planet's core, causing it to explode upwards in a huge, terrible volcano.
T-Rex: Everyone died as the planet broke apart, and Superman moved to a new planet and told everyone there that his old planet Krypton exploded "for no reason" and that he definitely only got his powers when he showed up here, THE END.
T-Rex: NO MORAL
