God: HEY T-REX I BET YOU FIFTY BUCKS YOU CAN'T ACHIEVE ENLIGHTENMENT IN THE BUDDHIST SENSE
T-Rex: Oh, IT'S ON!
Narrator: BUT SOON:
T-Rex: Man! Forget discovering the true nature of reality!
T-Rex: How precisely am I supposed to lose my ego and become enlightened through meditation? SAYING "PRACTICE" DOESN'T COUNT. What I want is unambiguous, non-metaphorical step-by-step instructions! Buddha is supposed to be a dude who took steps to move from unenlightened to enlightened, right? Is there any reason why the steps he took are not understandable, communicable, repeatable and verifiable?
Utahraptor: I think it's probably supposed to be different for each person, maybe?
T-Rex: That doesn't matter!
T-Rex: Write down in detail the precise steps each person took and let me generalize across the set. I want an algorithm for enlightenment! A checklist for nirvana!
Utahraptor: You - you want religious practices to be subject to the scientific method?
T-Rex: Yes please!
Narrator: LATER: RELIGIOUS PRACTICES STILL NOT SUBJECT TO THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD
T-Rex: Excuse me, Buddhist monks? I'm gonna owe God fifty bucks if I don't get enlightened soon.
Multiple off-panel voices: Dude! We get that ALL THE TIME!
