Narrator: CASE FILE #4526 SNOW "MEN"
T-Rex: Thank you all for coming. By now you are familiar with the "Frosty" snow golem and his rampage here and there, all around the square.

T-Rex: Our belief, based on the traffic cop's testimony, was that an "old silk hat" was responsible!

T-Rex: We were wrong. The 〚word obscured by a black bar〛 protocol has confirmed our worst fears: while "Frosty"'s MOVEMENT was exceptional and initiated by the "old silk hat" (Case File #4523), his sentience was not. To be perfectly clear, Agents: while they live and die fully immobile, each and every snow man, woman, and child is a living, sentient creature.
T-Rex: And they have been surveilling us for generations.

T-Rex: They stand outside our homes, businesses, and critical infrastructure with their frozen eyes, watching us even as they melt.

T-Rex: We don't know how - or where - they report their findings. All we DO know is our children have been... modified by them. Experiments show even children raised in tropical climates spontaneously begin manifesting golems when exposed to snow. They say it's "fun".
Utahraptor: Even adults are not immune.

T-Rex: Every culture on Earth that has snow builds these creatures, and we never wondered why. We were fools. Blind, damned fools.
T-Rex: Anyway your new mission is to lie about how rad Earth's defences are to any snowman you encounter. Dismissed!